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Page 4, The Estill County Tribune, January 4, 2017

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Homeless Man Amaniswalkingdownmainstreetwhenheisapproachedbyaratherdirty,shabby-lookinghomelessmanwhoaskshimforacoupleofdollarsforsomethingtoeat. Themantakesatendollarbillfromhisbillfoldandsays,“Iguessyou’rejustgoingtobuybeerwiththismoney?” “No,”saysthehomelessman.“Istoppeddrinkingyearsago.” “Willyoubeusingittogofishing?”themanasks. “No,Idon’twastetimefishing,”thehomelessmansays.“Ineedtospendallmytimetryingtostayalive.” “Willyouspendthisongreensfeesatagolfcourseinsteadoffood?”themanasks. “AreyouNUTS!”repliesthehomelessman.“Ihaven’tplayedgolfin20years!” “Willyoubespendingthemoneyonawaywardwomaninsteadoffood?”themanasks. “Noway!”repliestheman.“Ineedthemoneyforfood.” “I’m going to give you the money,” says the man, “But, mywife’swaitingforme,andIwanthertomeetyoufirst.” “Why?”asksthehomelessman.“IknowI’mdirty,andIprob-ablysmelldisgusting.” “That’strue,themanreplies,“ButIjustwanthertoseewhatamanlookslikethatgoeswithoutbeer,fishing,golf,andsex.”

Motel Stay AcoupleistravelingbycarfromMichigantoKeyWest,Florida.Aftermanyhoursontheroad,theydecidetostopforarestatamotelnearAtlanta.Theysleepforaboutfourhoursandarereadytogetbackontheroad.Whentheygotocheckout,thedeskclerkhandsthemabillfor$350.00. Themanexplodesanddemandstoknowwhythechargeissohigh.Hetellstheclerkalthoughit’sanicehotel,theroomscer-tainlyaren’tworth$350.00. TheclerkexplainsthatthehotelhasanOlympic-sizedpoolandahugeconferencecenter. “Butwedidn’tusethem,”themancomplains. “Well,theyarehere,andyoucouldhave.” Theclerkgoesontoexplaintheycouldhavetakeninoneoftheshowsforwhichthehotelisfamous.“ThebestentertainersfromNewYork,HollywoodandLasVegasperformhere.” “Butwedidn’tgotoanyofthoseshows!”saystheman. “Well,wehavethem,andyoucouldhave,”saystheclerk,andgoesontotellofalltheotherthingsavailableatthemotel. Eachtime,themansays,“Butwedidn’tusethem!”andtheclerkreplies,“Well,theyarehere,andyoucouldhave.” Finally,themanwritesoutacheckandhandsittotheclerk. Theclerklooksatthecheckandsays,“But,sir,thischeckisonlymadeoutfor$50.00.” “That’scorrect,”saystheman.“Ichargedyou$300.00forsleep-ingwithmywife.” “ButIdidn’t!”exclaimstheclerk. Well,”themanreplies.“Shewashere,andyoucouldhave.”

Job Applicant Mujibarisapplyingforajob.Hehaspassedallofthetestsexceptone.Theresourceofficer tellshim,“Makeasentenceusing thewords,yellow,pinkandgreen.” Mujibarthinksforafewminutesandsays,“Thetelephonegoes‘green,green...green,green...green,green.’Ipinkitupandsay,‘Yellow,thisisMujibar.’” Hegotthejob.You’veprobablyspokentohim.He’stheguyyoutalktowhenyoucallaboutproblemswithyourcomputer.

Jumping the Broomstick HowardGreenstopsbytogivePasomegoodnews. “Pa,”saysHoward,“Haveyouheard?ImaybegettingmarriedtothatgirlI’vebeenseeingfromoverintown.” “Is thatso?”saysPa.“Well, I’d thinkreallyhardon thatonebeforeImadeanymoves.FromwhatIhear,she’salreadybeenmarriedseventimes.” “Well,actually,eight,”saysHoward.“Butshesaysthisoneistherealthing.” “Well,I’mnotsosureaboutthat,”saysPa.“FromwhatIhear,she’scaughtherownbouquetatherlasttwoweddings.”

New Rooster FarmerGreen’soldroosterdies,sohegoesdownthecreektoa farmthat raisesa lotofchickens.Theguy there tellshim,hehasjusttheone.HeshowsGreenaroosternamedFloydandtellsGreenthatFloydwillhandlethesituation. Floydtheroostercostsalotofmoney,butGreensbuyshimany-wayandtakeshimbacktothefarmwherehesetshimoutinthebarnyard.Floydimmediatelytakesoffafterthehens.Greenfeelslikeeverythingwillbeokay,butwhenhecomesbackintheafter-noon,Floydisstillchasingthehensandistryingtogettingintothepenwiththeducks. “Floyd,”saysGreen.“You’dbetterslowyourselfdown.You’renotgoingtolastatthisrate.” Sureenough,thenextmorning,Floydisnowheretobefound.Greensearchesoutinthefieldandseeshishigh-pricedrooster’sbodystretchedoutinthegrasswithbuzzardscirclingaroundover-head. “Floyd,”saysGreen.“Itoldyoutopaceyourself.Itriedtogetyoutoslowdown,nowlookwhatyou’vedonetoyourself.” Floydopensoneeye,nodstowardthevulturescirclingintheskyandsays,“Shhh!They’regettingcloser.”

Agriculture Deputy Un-der Secretary Lanon Bac-cam today announced thatbeginning Jan. 9, 2017, theU.S. Department of Agri-culture (USDA) will offeran early termination oppor-tunity forcertainConserva-tionReserveProgram(CRP)contracts,makingiteasiertotransferpropertytothenextgeneration of farmers andranchers, including familymembers. The land that iseligible for the early termi-nationisamongtheleasten-vironmentallysensitivelandenrolledinCRP. This change to the CRPprogramisjustoneofmanythatUSDAhasimplementedbased on recommendationsfromtheLandTenureAdvi-sory Subcommittee formedby Agriculture SecretaryTom Vilsack in 2015. Thesubcommittee was askedto identifyways thedepart-mentcoulduseormodifyitsprograms, regulations, andpracticestoaddressthechal-lengesofbeginningfarmersandranchers in theiraccesstoland,capitalandtechnicalassistance. “Theaverageageofprin-cipal farmoperators is58,”saidBaccam.“So,landten-ure, succession and estateplanning,andaccesstolandisanincreasinglyimportantissueforthefutureofagricul-tureandapriorityforUSDA.Access to land remains thebiggestbarrierforbeginningfarmersand ranchers. Thisannouncementispartofoureffortstoaddresssomeofthechallengeswithtransitioninglandtobeginningfarmers.” Baccam made the an-nouncement while touringthe Joe Dunn farm inWar-ren County, located in cen-tralIowanearCarlisle.Dunnis the father-in-law to Iowanative and former Marine

AaronWhite,whowithhiswife, are prospective can-didates for the early termi-nation program. BaccamwasjoinedbyFarmServiceAgency Iowa State Execu-tiveDirectorJohnWhitakerwhen meeting with DunnandWhite. “Thechancetogiveyoungfarmersabetteropportunityto succeed when starting afarming career makes per-fect sense,” said Baccam.“There are ConservationReserve Program acres thatare rested and ready to beproductive, anoriginalgoalofCRP.ThetechnicalteamsatUSDAwill telluswhichonescanterminatefromtheprogram with little impacton the overall conservationefforts.Whentheydo,we’llbe ready to help beginningfarmerslikemilitaryveteranAaronWhite.” Normally if a landownerterminates a CRP contractearly, they are required torepayallpreviouspaymentsplusinterest. Thenewpol-icy waives this repaymentifthelandistransferredtoabeginningfarmerorrancherthroughasaleorleasewithanoptiontobuy.WithCRPenrollmentclosetotheCon-gressionally-mandated capof24millionacres,theearlytermination will also allowUSDA to enroll other landwith higher conservationvalueelsewhere. “Startingthenextgenera-tionoffarmersandranchersout with conservation andstewardship in mind is an-other important part of thisannouncement,” Baccamsaid.“ThelandcomingoutofCRPwillhavepriorityen-rollment opportunities withUSDA’sworkinglandscon-servation programs throughcooperation between theFarm Service Agency and

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------From U.S. Department of Agriculture ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Making it Easier to Transfer Land to the Next GenerationAllows for Transfer of Certain Conservation Reserve Program Land to New Farmers;

Provides Priority Enrollment in Working Lands Conservation Programs the Natural ResourcesConservationService.” Acres terminated earlyfromCRPundertheselandtenure provisions will beeligibleforpriorityenroll-ment consideration intothe CRP Grasslands, ifeligible; or the Conserva-tion Stewardship Programor Environmental Qual-ity IncentivesProgram,asdeterminedbytheNaturalResources ConservationService. AccordingtotheTenure,Ownership and Transitionof Agricultural Land sur-vey, conducted by USDAin 2014, U.S. farmlandowners expect to transfer93 million acres to newownership during 2015-2019. This represents 10percent of all farmlandacross the nation. Detailson the early terminationopportunity will be avail-able starting on Jan. 9,2017, at local USDA ser-

vicecenters.Formore in-formation about CRP andtofindoutifyouracreageiseligibleforearlycontracttermination, contact yourlocalFarmServiceAgency(FSA) office or go onlineat www.fsa.usda.gov/crp.To locate your local FSAoffice, visit http://offices.usda.gov. Since 2009, USDA hasinvested more than $29billion to help producersmake conservation im-provements,workingwithasmanyas500,000farm-ers,ranchersandlandown-ers to protect over 400million acres nationwide,boostingsoilandairqual-ity, cleaning and conserv-ing water and enhancingwildlifehabitat.Foranin-teractive look at USDA’swork in conservation andforestryoverthecourseofthis Administration, visithttp://medium.com/usda-results.