parenting: the co-parenting way - syariah court · 2014-05-27 · co-parenting parenting pals they...
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PARENTING: THE CO-PARENTING Way
Jeffrey Radjam Counsellor
MISSION
To prevent as far as possible, the
detrimental effects of parental
conflicts with the active participation
of the parents
VISION
All children are in a safe environment with
positive relationships, especially with their
parents
SERVICES
1. Supervised Access/ Supervised Transfer
2. Counselling
3. Group Pogrammes
• Parents Information Programme
SUPERVISED ACCESS
SUPERVISED TRANSFER
One-way Transfer Two-wayTransfer
Parent with care & control
Visiting parent
Child
Centre
Parent with care & control
Visiting parent
Child
Centre
Parent with care & control
Centre / Worker
Child
Visiting parent
COUNSELLING
Offered either concurrently to the
supervised access or independently
of the access. Pertaining to access
matters only
GROUP PROGRAMME
1. Mother’s Group
2. Father’s Group
3. Children’s Group
4. Combined Group
Parents Information Programme A 4-hour programme to help those contemplating, separated / divorced parents understand the importance of co-parenting and its positive affects on children.
The programme covers: • Possible effects of parental
conflict on children.
• Emotional aspects related to post-separation/divorce.
• Ways to minimize conflict during communication with the other parent.
• Ways to support your children
For enquiries, please email us at radjam@thkmc.org.sg
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Understand how the process of separation and divorce affects the parents and the children.
Provides parents with a different perspective on parenting after separation or divorce.
Identify various approaches to help the children adjust during the transition.
Communicating with the other parent.
Understand the importance of establishing quality and periodic contact with the children after separation or divorce.
Achieve positive outcomes for both parents and children.
Children’s psychological reactions to their parents’ divorce depends on:
CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE
What is co-parenting?
• “Co” means COOPERATION
• Both Mother & Father have
EQUAL ROLE to play in their
child / children’s lives
• Child / children to build
relationship with BOTH parents
Keys to successful co-parenting • Get past the hurt & pain of the divorce. Forge a
new functional relationship
• Respect the other parent’s decisions &
parenting style. Don’t argue in front of the child
• Keep the child’s needs first
CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE
Why is co-parenting an option?
• Children recognize that they are
more important than the conflict
• Parents still love them despite
the changing circumstances
• Children with cooperative
divorced parents:
Feel secure
Benefit from consistency
Better problem solving
skills
Healthy example to follow
CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE
Joint parenting arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, does not have to be exhausting & infuriating
• Marriage may be over. Family has not
ended.
• Make the best interest of the children the
parents’ most important priority
DISSOLVED DUOS
Co-Parenting Parenting Pals They establish a parenting plan that is in the “best interests of the child.” They are flexible and have respect for each other Co-operative Colleagues They still do not necessarily like each other, but they respect one another as parents. They can separate their parenting from their partnering issues.
Parallel Parenting Angry Associates They do not know how to emotionally disengage. They are always in a power struggle. They are always angry and quarrelling. Fiery Foes
Each parent dislike each other. Their behaviour is always an emotional and physical risk to the child.
Parallel Parenting is for
Who do not get along
Are highly reactive to each other
Feel very uncomfortable in each other’s
presence Do not wish to have any contact with each other
Having a Personal
Protection Order
Unable to co-operate when
parenting
No interaction with each other
Detailed schedule nothing left to interpretation
Major decisions are communicated and not discussed
Messages are emailed, faxed or sent through phone. No face-to-face communication
Each party bears responsibility for getting information about the child for themselves.
How does Parallel Parenting Work?
Children caught in the middle :Do not use children as messengers ( forget, distort misunderstand your message) Do not say negative things about the other parent Do not make them feel like they have to choose Children have a right to a relationship with both parents that is free from influence
Children’s point of view
Special time with each parent & extended family
Need to have contact with both parents
School holidays
Children thrive on family traditions and celebrations.
TIPS FOR CONTACT
Listen to the children
Do not blame them for rejection
Not to criticize /
blame one another in front of the
children
Remind them of the good times they had with the
other parent
Children are resilient
They can live with different family rules
t
They are torn between a desire to love both parents and the need to earn approval of one parent
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