pet loss support

Pet Loss Support

Jo-Ann Fowler Trainer, SCAS

Pet Loss Support

• The human – companion animal bond

• Loss and grief

• Supporting clients

• Pet loss support protocols

What will we be looking at today?

The Human – Companion Animal Bond

What is it?

A Person - Pet Relationship

“The human-animal bond is a mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship between people and other

animals that is influenced by behaviours that are essential to the health and well being of both.”

“This includes but is not limited to, emotional, psychological and physical interactions of people, other animals and the environment.”

Statement from the AVMA Committee on The Human Animal Bond

in JAVMA vol. 212, No. 11, p 1675, June 1, 1998

The human-companion animal bond

People will go to extraordinary lengths for their pets and often will put their pets lives in front of their

own safety.

VIDEO: Louis

An attachment relationship

Loss of a pet can be a very difficult

thing for people to cope with

The human-companion animal bond

Who are those that will particularly vulnerable when experiencing the loss

of a pet?

Why might their bond be stronger?

The human-companion animal bond

When a bond gets stronger

• There are time when I’d be lonely except for my pet• My pet gives me a reason for getting up in the morning• In many ways my pet is the best friend I have• My pet helps me to be more physically active• I couldn’t have made it through that difficult time without my

pet• My pet is the last link to my late husband/wife/mum/dad• “Special” pets

The human-companion animal bond

Exercise

Working with the person sitting next to you, talk for 5-10 minutes about a client and their pet that you have observed and what made their relationship special e.g. shared activities, personality of the pet;

Swap over.

Then I will ask one or two of you to share your observations with the group.

The human – companion animal bond

Bond-centred Practice:

Focuses on people and the relationships they form with:

•their companion animals•with each other •with the veterinary professionals caring for their animals

(Lagoni, Morehead, Brannan & Butler,2001 )

10% of owners will see their doctors

15% of owners will take time off work

30% of owners will never go back to that practice

huge potential loss of income

A bond-centred practice

Brin McNeill, SPVS Seminar 2007

Loss and Grief

Factors that can shape grief in

relation to pet loss

• Age and life-stage• Context of the loss, life circumstances

and individual vulnerability• The circumstances of the loss

What circumstances can lead to the loss of a pet?

Loss of a pet

• Natural death e.g. heart failure

• Accidental death e.g. RTA

• PTS – euthanasia almost

unique to veterinary medicine

• Mandatory euthanasia e.g.

FMD outbreak, Dangerous

Dogs Act (1991)

• Military transfer

• Moving to residential

accommodation

• Imprisonment

• Leaving a violent partner,

moving into a hostel – pet could

be temporarily fostered

• Divorce, separation

• Natural disaster e.g. floods

• Theft

• Straying

• PTS behaviour related

Most importantly, the deeper the bond and more special the relationship with the pet, the greater the depth of emotion and grief

experienced.

But,

Never make assumptions on how you think people may react

VIDEO: ODEN

Personal patterns and processes

Stages of grief

• Numbing / shock / denial• Anger / yearning / searching • Bargaining• Despair / Depression• Acceptance / Closure

Not linear but chaotic

Not linear but chaotic

Loss and Grief

Grief is not an illness but a

natural response to loss or

threat of loss.

Physical

Emotional/psychological

Cognitive (thinking)

Social

Grief itself is not an emotion

Physical Reactions

• Insomnia (not sleeping)• Tiredness / lethargy / yawning• Crying / sobbing out loud• Diarrhoea / vomiting / nausea / change in appetite• Agitation (inability to sit still – wringing hands) • Muscle tension / body pain • Weight on chest / breathlessness • Increased heart rate

Grief and Loss

Thinking (Cognitive)

• Blame – self or others• Information seeking – about where the animal will

go and the new owners “will he be ok?”• Thinking about the animal and talking about the

animal, “processing out”• Reliving the event of the separation• Inability to concentrate/focus

Grief and Loss

Emotional / Psychological

• Sadness• Depression – extreme and overwhelming sadness• Shock• Anger• Denial• Guilt/shame• Feelings of doubt in relation to making the decision

to re-home.

Grief and Loss

Social

• Temporary increased dependency or withdrawal from others

• Feeling isolated and alone• Loss of identity• Loss of membership of social group

Grief and Loss

• Stop/go (planning v giving up hope)• Coping with the effects of an illness• Very difficult living in a state of angst• Stress / anxiety / depression / PTSD• Quality of life debate

People may need as much support before as they do after the loss

Anticipatory Grief

• There is generally no compassionate leave from work in relation to pet loss,

• There are no socially accepted ways of mourning deceased pets,

• Other people may not respond in a compassionate way, but could merely dismiss a grieving pet owner by suggesting they get another animal.

Disenfranchised Loss

'Phoebe has been found and it's terrible news': A 'devastated' Emma Bunton tweets her sadness over loss of beloved pet dog

IT'S. A. DOG. Get over it for goodness sake. Really annoys me the way people treat animals like people

Dogs are two a penny. Get another one.

This seems a little OTT. Anyone would think a child had gone missing!

Proof that a dog isn't for life and is just for Christmas after all.

Probably in a Tesco burger by now...

This is outrageous behaviour from a woman who has children! She should use her brain and try to imagine how people who have missing children will feel when they read of her over the top search for a dog. I'm a dog lover, but this is too much!

No big deal, dogs are two a penny

It's just a dog

Heartbreaking, only dog owners will understand

RIP Phoebe and every other animal that dies alone

Losing a pet is horrible, you grow attachments to them and they become part of the family. I'm sending my love to Emma and her family at this sad time

Would everyone stop saying 'its just a dog' and 'what if it were a child'. My dogs are every bit as precious to me as your children are to you. Your children may be the centre of your universe but my children are mine. I would be devastated if anything happened to them as Emma is now

So very sad

Responsibility Grief

•Questioning their own motivations •Doubt•Guilt (Responsibility)•Relief => Regret•Undeserving of support => Alone•Trivialise their own feelings

Supporting the ClientWhat do they need?

• Recognition of their loss

• Permission to grieve / Permission to stop grieving

• To know that you hear and understand what they are telling you

• To know that they are not being judged

• Opportunity to reflect and question with someone that understands

• Information – after-death body care options, how they can check on their pet in its new home, etc

Supporting the ClientEmotional Support

Anyone can provide emotional support for a person experiencing distress. Family

members, friends, colleagues and professionals can all lend a listening ear.

Supporting the ClientEmotional Support

• Focused on the emotional needs of another

• Grounded in listening and communicating

understanding of what has been expressed

• Must be genuine and is non-directive

• Informal and unstructured

• Essentially very different to counselling (WHY?)

• Will involve signposting to others such as PBSS

Supporting the ClientEmotional Support

Why is it not counselling?

•Counselling is provided by trained, usually registered and supervised individuals working within a therapeutic framework and applying a specific model of counselling

•Limited time and sessions•Indemnity Insurance•Measured goals and outcomes•Members of a professional governing body•Counsellors have to work within a code of ethics.

What form of support to you offer in your practice?

Supporting the ClientEmotional Support

Sympathy

V

Empathy

The aims of “person-centred” emotional support are to:

•Generate an equal, trusting supportive relationship

•Enable and empower those being supported

•Be free from judgement and prejudice

Frame of reference

Internal (putting yourself in their shoes – their internal focus … how it is for them)

External – staying in your own shoes – outside or external to their own experience … how it might be for you if you were in that position

Frame of reference

A. “I would be completely fuming with any driver who hit my cat”

B. “You feel furious towards the driver who injured your cat”

A. “I think everything will be ok now”

B. “You hope things will be better with this new treatment”

A. “I think Rover will be fine swallowing these – most cats are”

B.“You are worried that you won't be able to get Rover to swallow the tablets”

Empathy

VIDEO:

The power of Empathy

Barriers to listening

• Hearing vs Listening

• Not being able to see someone

• Cultural differences

• Lack of shared vocabulary

• Background noise

• Distractions

• Physical comfort of environment

• Mobile phones

• Feeling rushed

• Own thoughts

Supporting the ClientCommunication

Words spoken 7%

Tone 38%

Non-verbal 55%

Supporting the ClientEffective / Active Listening Skills

• Encouraging phrases – “I see…..”

– “Go on….”

• Open vs. Closed questions– Who?

– What?

– When?

– Where?

– (Why?)

• Allow silences/pauses

Reflecting

Restating

Paraphrasing

Asking open questions

Summarizing

Change these closed questions into open questions

1. Were you upset when Oliver became ill?

• 2. Did you contact the crematorium about Frisky?

• 3. Are you anxious about being present at Lucy's euthanasia?

• 4. Is it the cost of home euthanasia that worries you?

• 5. Do you want to wait until next week to discuss things further?

VIDEO: Tessy

Examples of active listening skills

Active listening summary

1. Pay attention: Look at speaker, look at body language, put aside distracting thoughts

2. Show that you are listening: Nod occasionally, use facial expressions, posture open and inviting, small verbal comments such as uh huh

3. Provide feedback: Reflect, paraphrasing, ask questions to clarify points, summarise etc.

4. Defer judgement: Don't interrupt!

Physical Contact

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Physical Environment

Resources

Compassionate communication Staff support

Self care

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Physical Environment

•Quiet room

•Somewhere to sit down

•Refreshments

•Separate Exit

•Home euthanasia option?

VIDEO: In home pet euthanasia

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Resource Materials

•Handouts, Website

•PBSS information cards, leaflets and posters

•Tissues

•Envelopes/bags for fur/hair

•Sympathy cards

Client SupportChildren

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Compassionate communication

•Emotional support skills

•Pre-bereavement discussions

•Payment protocols

•Validation of grief

•Referral when appropriate

•Follow up

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Staff supportSelf care

•CPD•PLS Officer/Co-ordinator•Mentoring scheme•Debriefs in staff meetings•PBSS•Talk about it•Journal•Know your limitations

0800 096 6606pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk

7 days a week, 8.30am to 8.30pm

Trained volunteers listening service

Literature

Pet Loss SupportProtocols

Reflect upon what things you already have in place

What additional things could you put in place?

Pet Loss SupportFurther study and reading

Pet Loss Support in Veterinary Practice

Distance Learning Course (SCAS)

Companion Animal Death by Mary F. Stewart, Butterworth-Heinemann

Death of an Animal FriendProduced by the Society for Companion Animal Studies (SCAS)

Absent Friend by Laura and Martyn Lee, published by Henston

Goodbye, Dear Friend by Virginia Ironside, published by Robson

Coping with Pet Loss by Robin Grey, Sheldon Press

Handbook of Veterinary Communication Skills

Edited by Carol Gray and Jenny Moffett

Pet Loss Support Conclusion

Every situation is – unique and very personal

We need to be compassionate and caring – to the animals

– to ourselves

– to colleagues and clients

Thank you for your attention

www.scas.org.uk

info@scas.org.uk