seven principles for making marriages work

Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work

What the research really says

True or False?

It is better for the children if the parents remain married, even in a

hostile marriage.

True or False?

The primary goal of those helping married couples should be to reduce

conflict in the relationship.

True or False?

“Active listening” has never been proven to be an effective practice.

True or False?

Expression of anger has been associated with increased marital

satisfaction.

Fact

Unhappily married couples underestimate the positivity in the

relationship by as much as 50%

True or False

Bickering, passionate couples were the only group to have a romantic

marriage after 35 years.

True or False

The husband should be in charge.

True or False

In ailing marriages couples generally communicate clearly.

True or False

Most things people argue about cannot be solved.

True or False

People should not begin marriage with high romantic expectations.

Fact

In ailing marriages the positive things don’t erode, they are just done less and less over

time. Patterns are established early and become more entrenched over time.

Fill in the blank

Nearly 80% of men and women say their major reason for wanting a

divorce is ______________

Short answer

Who has the most influence in setting the mood in the home?

Marriage Killers

Harsh start-up

Marriage Killers

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:the most corrosive of all relationship

behaviors

Marriage Killers

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

1. Criticism (vs. Complaint)

Marriage Killers

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

2. Defensiveness

Marriage Killers

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:3. Contempt

Marriage Killers

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

4. Stonewalling

Marriage Killers

Flooding

Marriage Killers

Failed repair attempts

Marriage Killers

Bad memories

Making Marriage Work

Principle 1: Love Mapping

Making Marriage Work

Principle 2: Nurture Fondness and Admiration

Making Marriage Work

Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other

Making Marriage Work

Principle 4: Accept Your Partner’s Influence

Making Marriage Work

Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems69% of problems are perpetual

Making Marriage Work

Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock

Making Marriage Work

Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning

Effective Problem Solving

Softened start upRepair and de-escalation

Accepting influenceCompromise

Soothing