the motivation meltdown: when parents care but kids don't
Post on 15-Jul-2015
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The Motivation Meltdown: When Parents Care But Kids Don’t
Ann Dolin, M.Ed. | Educational Connectionsann@ectutoring.com | www.ectutoring.com
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What’s Fueling Our Anxiety?
• Worried about the future:• 2005 UVA average incoming GPA 3.7• 2013 UVA average incoming GPA 4.21
• There is a trickle down effect to grades• We swoop in, pay for grades,
punish• Relationships are defined by
academics
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What the Research Says• 6.3 million dollars • 261 Schools in NYC, DC, Chicago,
Dallas • Paid students for: • Report card grades, reading books,
going to class, completing HW, standardized test scores
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Why Carrots Don’t Always Work
• Rewards• Work for the short-term, simple
tasks • Do not work for complex, long-
term tasks • Disney example • Carrots will not intrinsically
motivate your child.
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Messy Room Syndrome
• Kids don’t see the value • Parents’ and kids’ expectations
don’t meet • High value to parent • Low value to student
• High/low value disconnect
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Genetic Foundation
• 40-50% of academic motivation is genetic • ADHD and school is not always a
match• ADHD is a Disorder of Motivation
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Step 1: Make the Environment Ripe for Learning
• Routine for HW• 5 Times to do homework • Launching Pad• Clean Sweep
• Place• Location can vary, not in bedroom
• Why is this important? • Structure • Kids know what to expect
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Step 2: Open Up the Dialogue
• “This isn’t working out…” • “I’ve noticed that….” • Give a concrete example
• Why does opening the dialogue work? • Kids feel like they’re part of the
solution• More likely to buy in and follow
through
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Step 3: Brainstorm Solutions
• Examples:• Homework is done late at night.
• Electronics on charger by 10pm.
• Your daughter comes home with a C on her history test. She was too busy with Instagram to study.• Studying before homework• Phone in another room
• Your student is missing multiple assignments on his progress report.• Trust but verify
• Your son keeps forgetting his homework at home• Use a homework folder
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Why Brainstorming Works?• Brain processes response to obstacles
differently• Rutgers study• 2 parts in frontal lob that handle
crisis/obstacles • If student feels he has control, will
process from ventral striatum. If the emotion feels out of his control, he will process differently• Destructive and productive struggle
• A little struggle is okay, but too much seriously decreases motivation
• Resiliency predicts school and life success ectutoring.com
Using Praise to Motivate
• Praise effort, not intelligence, at every turn• Carol Dweck, Mindset
• 80/20 Rule
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Help Your Child Find His Strengths
• Notice your child’s strengths• “I’ve noticed…” • “You are so good at…” • “This is a real strength of yours…” • “Have you ever thought of…” • “One day I see you…”
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The Push & Pull of Academics • “Do not sacrifice your parent/child
relationship on the altar of academic performance.”• Russell Barkley, PhD
• When in doubt, get outside help• Effective instruction includes:
Consistent support, previewing, starts early on – creates more sense of control and motivation• When help is spotty, remedial, and
late, it’s not as motivating
• Effective Instruction
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Free Resources for You
Ebooks http://ectutoring.com/ebooks
•Help Your Disorganized Student
•School Success for Kids with ADHD
Blog: Keyword “Motivation”
© Educational Connections (ectutoring.com) 2015
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