the whimsical sage

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This Book Belongs toThe Whimsical SageBy Michael SageFOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS AND LOVERS OF WORDS AT PLAY FOR ALL AGES Illustrated by Jenny RossPublisher Joan Sage, Philadelphia, PAText copyright (c)2001 by Joan Sage Illustrations copyright (c)2001 by Jenny Ross All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without

TRANSCRIPT

This Book Belongs to

The Whimsical Sage

FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS AND LOVERS OF WORDS AT PLAY

FOR ALL AGES

By Michael Sage

Illustrated by Jenny Ross

Publisher Joan Sage, Philadelphia, PA

Text copyright (c)2001 by Joan SageIllustrations copyright (c)2001 by Jenny Ross

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Joan Sage 914 Kimball Street Philadelphia, PA 19147Library of Congress Control Number: 00-092942ISBN 0-9669813-1-6

Acknowledgments:

For ideas and support from the following friends of Joan Sage:

Gene Coladonato and Dave Elser for introducing Joan to Jenny Ross.

!Ken Garland, Library Services Specialist for the School District ofPhiladelphia, who has always understood Joan’s motivation forpublishing Mike’s writings as a tribute to his gifts, intended not asa commercial venture but as a way to give others another opportunity to enjoy his books.

!Dean Smith • Grisha Zeitlin • Lisa Diantoniis • Anne Cecil • Anne Cramer • Paula Spielberg • Stephen Thomas Shandor •Trish Creegan • Lilly Dorsa • Sofia Kostos • Jesse Trbovich at thePhiladelphia Museum of Art • Nancy Heller • Nancy Wright •Joyce Sabatino • Brian Perpiglia • David Lorenz Winston • Alex Heston • Elizabeth Endicott-Heston • Mary F. Robinson •Ellen Goldin • Theresa Smith • Ariel Weiss Holyst • Richard Kagan • Dr. Steven S. Fries • Gerald D’Alessio, Ph.D. •Kilian Fritsch, Ph.D • Aurora Deshauteurs

!Special thanks to Heather Karasow for her proofreading and calm guidance throughout the process of producing this book.

!Suggestions and support from:

Jenny’s mother, Constance Ross, and the following friends of Jenny: Abby • Brian • Jake • Christian • Bonny • Norman

Text dedicated to 11 year old Amelia Louise Hestonwho remembers sharing laughter with Mike when she was 2 years old and he was 80.

And in memory of that shy delightful book lover Florence Geismar who defined Mike's writings as “whimsical.”

Drawings in loving memory of Jenny’s father, Leslie Ross.

!Joan Sage is grateful to Jenny Ross for her enthusiasm in illustrating Mike’s words which inspired the dream of creating this book.

Dictionary definitions of WHIMSICAL: singular ideas or impulses,capricious, quaint,delicately fanciful, expressing gently humorous

tolerance.

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Threes are very round and plumpOnes just stand up straightFours are much like tic tac toeAnd two small o’s make eight.

Oh, words are funny, words are queerI’ll show you what I mean right here.For instance, here’s a silly trickThat words play with arithmetic:If you try adding 1 and 1Your answer’s 2—the job is done.But try your best (you’ll see it’s true)You can’t make ONE and ONE be TOO!

D I V E R S E V E R S E

A line that’s straight’s exactly what’sThe shortest route between two dotsThe lines that curve like paths in parks Are often designated arcsYes, lines are hereAnd lines are thereAnd lines are everywhere aboutBut as for meJust leave me beA line I can do without.

D I V E R S E V E R S E

Many kinds of words are wrongLike shortbread when it’s made too long.

Or peanuts which don’t taste like peasOr china which is Japanese.

To pour drinks from a bottle You should remove the cork.

And when you are having soupDon’t use a knife and fork.

Ketchup, salt, pepper, mustardAren’t very good in custard.

Yummy is the word for mustardBut it’s phooey when on custard.

D I V E R S E V E R S E

Here are things you must rememberLike there’s no month that’s called Octember.

It’s hard to light a candleAt the bottom of the lakeOr gather any dewdropsWith a fish net or a rake.

Never put umbrellasUnder railroad trainsIt’s much too dark to see thereAnd it never, never rains.

The wind is very windyThe rain is very wetThis is the most peculiar summerIt hasn’t snowed here yet.

Here are things for you to knowAnd also good advicePushing over great big trucksIsn’t very nice.

Be careful when you cross the streetNo matter where you areYou never know how you might meetAnd damage someone’s car.

It’s very hard, you will agreeTo be noisy quietly.

To wear your shoes upon your headYou’re thinking with your feet instead.

When your hat’s upon your feetYou will not be considered neat.

D I V E R S E V E R S E

If you should bite a lionYour manners are the worstThat is unless of courseThe lion bites you first.

Never pinch your tigerNever punch your bearNever drag your tortoiseNever pull your hare.

You do not needAn elephant’s trunkTo know you’re somewhereNear a skunk.

To fill a kangaroo with gloomJust call her pouch a kangaroom.

The crocodile has scaly skinand teeth much sharper than a pin.

He has four feet with ugly clawsinstead of gentle furry paws.

His tail is long and hard and toughI think I’ve gone quite far enough.

I think my friendship soon will endI’ll pick a rabbit for my friend.

An aardvarkis no lark.He doesn’t barkhis home’s no park.

He lives on antsand just one glancewill show you thathe wears no pants.

D I V E R S E V E R S E

The platypus is built so queerit’s a trial to conceive it.

I’d like to tell you how he looks but you never would believe it.

They say that he’s a mammal(that means like you or me)

or an elephant or camelor a squirrel in a tree. But he looks so darn peculiar with his web feet and his bill.

He looks like cousin Juliaor else like Uncle Bill.

If you should eatA rhino’s feetA goldfish bowlA doughnut holeTwo live frogsA pair of clogsA pound of chalkA parrot’s squawkA tiger’s tailAn old tin pailA plaster wallA rubber ballThen mighty quickYou might get sick.

The rattlesnake is very meanHe’s always ready to do battle.

His poisoned fangs are very sharpHis tail’s a very scary rattle.

But you can tell when he is nearBecause the rattle, it’ll tattle.

Clams really are just shellfishWhen they’re stingy then they’re selfish.

One thing that I will always tell fishIs stingy clams are selfish shellfish.

The rhino, though his eyes are weakhas much more hide than I would seek.

The rhinoceros is gentle but...He never looks for trouble but...

He isn’t very mental but...Don’t let him near or he will BUTT!!

D I V E R S E V E R S E

If the boa constrictor stretched out flathis tail would be a mile from his hat.

A mighty snakeis the boa constrictorIf he wrestled a lionhe’d be the victor.

The weasel is an awful sightHe lives on rats and verminBut if you find his fur is whitethen you can call him ermine.

I like one lump of sugarin my little cup of teaSome people might like two lumpsand someone might like three.

And so it is with animalsjust like me and youThe dromedary likes one lump the camel, he likes two.

I love the soundof the merry-go-roundwith its oomp de diddle de dee. Oh the horns and the bellsof the old carouselsplay the only music for me.

A calliope’s greatand accordion’s swellBut they just do not ratewith an old carousel.

So give me the soundof the merry-go-roundwith its oomp de diddle de dee. As the horns and the bellsof the old carouselsplay the only music for me.

BELLS! BELLS! BELLS!

A bell on the clockto open your eyes

A bell on the doormay be a surprise

A bell on the streetit could be a fire

Bells on the junk wagonstrung on a wire

A bell in your schoolto start off your class

A typewriter bellthat tinkles like glass

A bell on the doorto welcome you in

A bicycle bell

D I V E R S E V E R S E

D I V E R S E V E R S E

Everybody’s lost balloonMust be resting on the moon.

In the daytime in the lightI’m my mother’s starBut at night when day is doneI’m my father’s son.

Don’t race the moonWhatever you do.‘Cause he will goAs fast as you.

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About the author: Michael Sage (1912-1995) was an actor onBroadway and radio. He was a professionalwriter. He taught classes in public speakingand remedial English for the New York City Department of Personnel. In Philadelphia,he did public relations for non-profits and aregular column carried by a number ofregional publications. Seven of his books forchildren were published between 1966 and1970. Six of them are included in this volume (Dippy Dos and Don'ts, Deep in aHaystack, The Tree and Me, Words InsideWords, Careful Carlos, and If You Talked toa Boar), as well as three works never published before now.

!About the artist:Jenny Ross (b. 1975) graduated from TylerSchool of Art, Temple University, in 1998.She taught art to children ages 6 through 15.She is also a painter and writes and illustrates her own comic books.

!About the publisher:Joan Sage: Mike was Joan’s soulmate for 31and a half years. Putting together this bookwas a labor of love.

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