timd-ief part 10

Causes & Resolution

of Conflict

Causes & Resolution

of Conflict

if it has not been altered from the original.

Harmony — What People Desire

Conflict Within the IndividualConflict Within the Individual

Stress Anger Self-

hatred Addiction

Stress Anger Self-

hatred Addiction

Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict

Marital tension Family strife Disputes with

friends & neighbors

Conflict at work or school

Marital tension Family strife Disputes with

friends & neighbors

Conflict at work or school

Social ConflictSocial Conflict

Legal disputes

Ethnic tension Abuse of

power War

Legal disputes

Ethnic tension Abuse of

power War

RespondingResponding

GivingGiving

Subject

Object RoleObject Role

Giving precedes receiving Requires subject & object

Principle of InteractionPrinciple of Interaction

Conflict Begins Within the Individual

SelfishnessSelfishnessUnselfishnessUnselfishness

Object Role

Subject RoleSubject Role

Higher

Purpose

Higher

Purpose

Harmonious InteractionCenters on a Higher Purpose

UnselfishnessUnselfishness

Living for OthersLiving for Others

Self-controlSelf-controlServiceService

Fair-mindedness

Fair-mindednessGenerosityGenerosity

ForgivenessForgiveness

HumilityHumility

Basis of GoodnessBasis of Goodness

SelfishnessSelfishness

Living Only for OneselfLiving Only for Oneself

LustLustExploitationExploitation

PrejudicePrejudice

GreedGreedVengeanceVengeance

ArroganceArrogance

Basis of EvilBasis of Evil

Four Position Basefor Interaction

Object Role

Subject RoleSubject Role

Higher

Purpose

Higher

Purpose

New Developm

CenterCenter

InteractionInteraction

OutcomeOutcome

Members pursue

self-interest over the welfare of family Infidelity Money issues Sibling rivalry Careerism

Members pursue

self-interest over the welfare of family Infidelity Money issues Sibling rivalry Careerism

Family ConflictFamily Conflict

Social ConflictSocial Conflict

Groups and nations pursue self-interest over the greater good Abuse of power Ethnic tensions Legal disputes War

Ancestral distortions of love are passed on Parents’ limitations lead

to the child’s psychological difficulties

Dysfunctional family traditions continue from generation to generation

Ancestral distortions of love are passed on Parents’ limitations lead

to the child’s psychological difficulties

Dysfunctional family traditions continue from generation to generation

Ancestral Sources of Family Conflict

Alcoholism Spousal abuse

Infidelity Gambling

Sources of National ConflictSources of National Conflict

National crimes burden future generations

Ethnic resentments

National crimes burden future generations

Ethnic resentments

“We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity.”

“We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity.” Martin Luther King, Jr.Martin Luther King, Jr.

Individual Choice — Resolve or Repeat Past Conflicts

PastPast

FutureFuture

Each person passes on either the problem or the solution

Does Fighting Resolve Conflict?Does Fighting Resolve Conflict?

Fighting can be necessary For self-defense To defend the weak

Fighting does not resolve conflict Defeating an enemy does

not answer his grievances or end his hatred

The defeated are temptedto seek revenge

Fighting can be necessary For self-defense To defend the weak

Fighting does not resolve conflict Defeating an enemy does

not answer his grievances or end his hatred

The defeated are temptedto seek revenge

Settlements Alone Do Not Resolve Conflicts

Genuine reconciliation is needed Deep hostility must be

resolved

Genuine reconciliation is needed Deep hostility must be

resolved

Elements of Conflict ResolutionElements of Conflict Resolution

RightRight

WrongWrong

Loving Relationship

Broken Relationship

Indemnity conditions - Efforts to reverse the process by which the original harmony was lost

Basis for Conflict ResolutionBasis for Conflict Resolution

LostLostRestoredRestored

State of

Conflict

State of

Conflict

State of

Harmony

State of

Harmony

Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently What could be done better

next time Decide to take responsibi

lity for one‘s contribution to the conflict

Plan how to make amends

Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently What could be done better

next time Decide to take responsibi

lity for one‘s contribution to the conflict

Plan how to make amends

Step1 — Reflection & ReorientationStep1 — Reflection & Reorientation

Reverse whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated

Make restitution to repair damage done

Be open to receive restitution

Correct injustice

Reverse whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated

Make restitution to repair damage done

Be open to receive restitution

Correct injustice

Step 2 — Reversal & RestitutionStep 2 — Reversal & Restitution

RightRight

WrongWrong

Step 3 — Reconciliation & Renewal

Give up claim to retaliation

Forgive and be open to receive forgiveness

Resolve to help the other change

Foster good will

Give up claim to retaliation

Forgive and be open to receive forgiveness

Resolve to help the other change

Foster good will

Loving Relationship

Broken Relationship

Restorational Conflict Resolution

Step 1.Reflection & Reorientation

Step 2.Reversal & Restitution

Step3.Reconciliation & renewal

Step 1.Reflection & Reorientation

Step 2.Reversal & Restitution

Step3.Reconciliation & renewal

Responsibilities of Offender & Offended

Offender Admit wrong Make

restitution Continue

until forgiven

Offender Admit wrong Make

restitution Continue

until forgiven

Offended Consider

own faults Accept

restitution Forgive

Offended Consider

own faults Accept

restitution Forgive

One person may stand in both roles

Conflict Resolution in SchoolsConflict Resolution in Schools

Opportunity for character growth

More effective within a general character education effort

Opportunity for character growth

More effective within a general character education effort

Give Students ChoicesGive Students Choices

Challenge students to analyze and suggest solutions to conflict

Expand students’ repertoire of responses to provocation

Challenge students to analyze and suggest solutions to conflict

Expand students’ repertoire of responses to provocation

Coach in Communication SkillsCoach in Communication Skills

Help students restate conflicts in terms of their feelings instead of blaming and accusing

Have both sides articulate the other’s viewpoint

Help students restate conflicts in terms of their feelings instead of blaming and accusing

Have both sides articulate the other’s viewpoint

Foster Respect & Empathy to Reduce Conflict

Set an example of respectful handling of disputes

Teach that demeaning words and attitudes can do more damage than hitting someone

Set an example of respectful handling of disputes

Teach that demeaning words and attitudes can do more damage than hitting someone

Use class meetings as forums to deal with disagreements

Use role-playing to explore options

and adopt others’ perspectives

Use class meetings as forums to deal with disagreements

Use role-playing to explore options

and adopt others’ perspectives

Employ Group DynamicsEmploy Group Dynamics

Encourage students to resolve conflicts themselves

Use peer mediation Teacher serves as

mediator

Encourage students to resolve conflicts themselves

Use peer mediation Teacher serves as

mediator

Classroom Conflict Resolution OptionsClassroom Conflict Resolution Options

Family StrifeFamily Strife

Family Members Can Seem Like Worst Enemies

Family Members Can Seem Like Worst Enemies Closeness increases

trust and expectations Opportunity for greater

hurt and betrayal Can be hardest to forgive

May feel permanently trapped Temptation to divorce,

cheat or emotionally withdraw

Closeness increases trust and expectations Opportunity for greater

hurt and betrayal Can be hardest to forgive

May feel permanently trapped Temptation to divorce,

cheat or emotionally withdraw

Who Becomes the Peacemaker?Who Becomes the Peacemaker?

More mature and selfless one among those in conflict

One who takes responsibility to resolve the conflict

Initiates efforts of reconciliation

More mature and selfless one among those in conflict

One who takes responsibility to resolve the conflict

Initiates efforts of reconciliation

Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution

Create a safe context for communication Select time, place and

strategy wisely

Focus on changing oneself, not the spouse Take responsibility for

one’s own contribution to the problem

Create a safe context for communication Select time, place and

strategy wisely

Focus on changing oneself, not the spouse Take responsibility for

one’s own contribution to the problem

Depersonalize the issues Experiences prior to

marriage and gender differences can be the source of many clashes

Practice acceptance of what cannot be changed

Depersonalize the issues Experiences prior to

marriage and gender differences can be the source of many clashes

Practice acceptance of what cannot be changed

Find gratitude for one’s spouse As the other

parent of one’s child

As a source of personal growth

Seek an elder’s viewpoint or mediation

Find gratitude for one’s spouse As the other

parent of one’s child

As a source of personal growth

Seek an elder’s viewpoint or mediation

Mediation — Support for Conflict Resolution

Involves neutral and trusted helper outside the conflict

Aids both sides to find a basis for constructive interaction

Mediator is only a facilitator Burden of reconciliation

remains with both conflicting sides

Involves neutral and trusted helper outside the conflict

Aids both sides to find a basis for constructive interaction

Mediator is only a facilitator Burden of reconciliation

remains with both conflicting sides

Attitude of MediatorAttitude of Mediator

Concern for both sides Affirms the value of both

sides Gains trust from both

sides that each is being treated fairly

Aims for a win-win outcome

Guides both sides beyond blame and accusation

Concern for both sides Affirms the value of both

sides Gains trust from both

sides that each is being treated fairly

Aims for a win-win outcome

Guides both sides beyond blame and accusation

Mediation Skills — Towards the Offender

Help the offender accept responsibility

Encourage admission of wrong

Help the offender accept the challenge of restitution

Avoid labeling and blaming Praise and offer a second

chance

Help the offender accept responsibility

Encourage admission of wrong

Help the offender accept the challenge of restitution

Avoid labeling and blaming Praise and offer a second

chance

Mediation Skills — Towards the Offended

Help the offended forgive and release grudges

Help the offended recognize own faults

Help the offended to accept an apology

Foster harmony and friendship with the offender

Help the offended forgive and release grudges

Help the offended recognize own faults

Help the offended to accept an apology

Foster harmony and friendship with the offender

Frees up time and energy to create and progress Ends the waste of

resources involved in defense and aggression

Heals and liberates the individual

Frees up time and energy to create and progress Ends the waste of

resources involved in defense and aggression

Heals and liberates the individual

Value of Resolving Conflict

timd-ief part 10

conflict ief

subject ief

options ief

school ief

mediator ief

provocation ief

viewpoint ief

hatred ief

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