top thirteen television judges barack obama should name to the supreme court

Top Thirteen Television Judges

Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court

brought to you by PinkoMag.com

Judge Judy Sheindlin

We thought she was a conservative,

but Judge Judy is totally going down on

Florence Henderson in that photo.

She’s tough, tested and would add some

serious sass to the bench.

Former Mayor Ed Koch

He’s gay! He’s 90! He’s adorable!

And Koch had a stint hosting

People’s Court in the mid 90’s.

Judge Lance Ito

Pros: Diversity on the court; awesome beard.

Cons: Uhm ...

Paula Abdul

Drunk. Drugged. Emotional. Irascible.

Inappropriate.

She’s Antonin Scalia.

Judge Greg Mathis

Longtime host of DIvorce Court, Greg Mathis

has a huge fucking gavel. Look at that thing.

He’ll bash some “intelligent design” lawyer

right in the goddamned mouth.

The Honorable Liz Donnelly, S.V.U.

She’s so fierce.

Magistrate Samuel Sewall

He was the judge in the Salem Witch

Trials. Someone played him in that movie we

watched in 9th grade with the slutty moaning

salem teen witch girls but I can’t figure out

from IMDB who the actor is.

Nancy Grace

Heroine to tot moms and teen girls with too

many vowels in their names everywhere,

Grace was a Fulton County prosecutor for

almost a decade. She was also repeatedly

fined for prosecutorial misconduct, nearly

disbarred and accused of “illegal conduct.”

A darling to conservatives, naming Grace

to the Supreme Court would be the judicial

equivalent of having Rick Warren read the

invocation at his inauguration.

Judge Harry Stone

Did anyone else watch Night Court? I loved

that show. Stone was fair; he was principled;

and most important he was zany. A prank or

two would totally lift Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s

spirits.

Judge Marilyn Milian

The sexxxxxiest judge on television, People’s

Court Host Honorable Marilyn Milian doesn’t

take shit from anyone - defendants or her

cousin Christina. Unfortunately for President

Obama she has actually waterboarded sev-

en people, including Sean Hannity, Pollster

Mark Penn and author Mitch Albom.

Richard Zavaglia

Well now I’m really reaching, but Zavaglia

played Judge Tamerlane in my FAVORITE

LIFETIME WOMAN SCORNED MOVIE OF

ALL TIME OMFG, “A Woman Scorned: The

Betty Broderick Story,” followed by a cameo

in Part 2: “Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick,

The Last Chapter,” starring Meredith Baxter

Birney of Television’s Family Ties. He’s lit-

erally doing dinner theater in South Florida

now. If Barack Obama wants a judge who will

consider the impact of the law on people’s

daily lives, I think Dick Zavaglia is it. (P.S.

The actual Betty Broderick is up for parole in

2010! She is so guest blogging.)

Judge Joseph Wapner

A classic. The safe pick, ethnic slur in his last

name nothwithstanding, Wapner has written

two books for citizens about navigating small

claims court.

Miss J.

You heard me. What - Nigel? Twiggy? Not

U.S. Citizens. (Not that that’s stopping

Obama from considering Michigan Governor

Jennifer Granholm. Or from being President,

for that matter.) Miss J. is already dressed for

the part, sporting big ties and the occasional

robe. And we know from America’s Next Top

Model that justice would be handed down

with flair, humor and a refreshing bluntness.