working with churches that are dealing with an abuser: a model in progress philip monroe, psyd...

Working with Churches that are Dealing with an Abuser:

A Model in Progress

Philip Monroe, PsyDBiblical Seminary

Diane Langberg, PhDDiane Langberg, PhD & Associates

www.biblical.edu

Today, we will explore:

• Overarching and Principles to guide your work with abuse within the church

• A Spiritual Care Team approach to healing and restoration of the parties involved

• Common concerns and barriers by answering frequently asked questions

• Your questions and comments

Our assumptions

• You will be asked to be the expert in all sorts of topics: abuse, forgiveness, restitution, restoration, compensation, therapy, spiritual direction, fruit of the spirit, etc.

• You cannot do this work alone. You need a team yourself

• Teamwork is fraught with danger: conflict, misunderstanding, isolation, suspicion, fear

• You need a map for yourself and for those you lead

Overarching principles

• Abuse in the church impacts many– Caretakers need a large umbrella if they are going to

serve those involved

• When many are impacted, division is common– Caretakers remember they must be advocates for

truth, justice, and grace

• Protection of the “least of these” takes precedence– Caretakers understand abuse of power and provide

tangible protection for the body of Christ

Overarching principles

• Never underestimate the power of self-deception– Caretakers recognize and work for true

repentance

• “As if you too…”– Caretakers work to understand the world and

experiences of abuser and abused “as if” they themselves were in their shoes

Overarching principles

• Premature restoration is tempting– Caretakers resist the temptation to rush back to life

“the way it used to be” but work to cultivate maturity, healing, and holy obedience to God

• Wisdom comes from God—not committees– Caretakers immerse themselves in the study of God’s

Word and prayer to discern His perspective on all issues pertaining to abuse and restoration

• Crises reveal character– Caretakers use crises to explore and correct

individual and systemic defects

Overarching principles

• The Church is not ours– Caretakers remember not to harm the church:

to purify themselves first before working to purify the bride of Christ

Mapping a path through the morass

• Ideally, we should:– Study the vast array of issues, teach the

congregation from front and back, develop prevention plans, and address problems as they occur

• But, realistically…– Build committed Spiritual Care Teams, learn

together the key issues, develop a plan of action for healing, Communicate and educate, Plan for future prevention

Choose Spiritual Care Teams

• Teams for congregation, offender, victims– Consider the character of potential members

• Spiritually mature, prayerful, self-aware, able to listen, willing to learn, gentle but willing to confront, confidential, safe, not controlling, collaborative, patient

– Require 2 year minimum commitment of time• Determine how the group make decisions, learn

together, and function together

– Determine how to collaborate with other teams, leadership, and outside agencies

Prepare the SCTs

• Spiritual work means warfare– Worship and study together

• Group learning (biblical and experiential)– Abuse, abuse of power, deception/denial, their impact

on others, protection, true and false repentance, restoration, restitution, forgiveness, healing, etc.

– Restoration processes (time, process, fruit?)• Who or what will drive the group’s work?

• Group dynamics training• Creating a plan of action

Group Dynamics

• Explore how the group functions together with and without their ministry target– When it comes to data collection, exploration,

confrontation, assessment, decision-making – When it comes to worship, fun, personal

issues– When it comes to collaborating with outsiders

(some of whom may not share the group’s view)

• Key issues? Validation; good questions;

SCT Plan of Action for restoration

• Protection from self and others; boundaries set• Truth-telling about the abuse• Submission to process and acceptance of spiritual

mentors• Discovery of roots of abuse and other sin (naming

things from God’s view; hearing from others)• Deeper Truth-telling about life patterns and God’s

sanctifying work• Restitution (acknowledges injustice and seeks to

correct it)• Repentance (from actions and attitudes)• Reconnection to the larger body of Christ

Preventing Leader Abuse?

• Develop SCTs for pastors and Christian leaders

• Provision of confidential sessions (therapy or spiritual direction) with trusted, outside professional

FAQs

• How do you know when restoration is complete? When repentance is enough?

• Who drives the decisions of protection? What if victims are in charge?

• Can a Christian leader ever return to ministry?

• What are the pit-falls of this kind of work?

Get copies of slides at:www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com

pmonroe@biblical.edu