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Sharjil Hannan
WR100 Portfolio
The Craft of Fiction
Submitted to:
Professor M. Hoover
May 05, 2011
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Table of Contents
Artifact
Page No
1 Introductory Essay
3
2 Self-Assessment 1
8
3 Essay 1 9
a) Essay 1 Conference Draft 10
b) Essay 1 Peer Response Draft 13
c) Essay 1 Peer Response Draft Comments 17
d) Essay 1 Final Draft
18
4 Self-Assessment 2
23
5 Essay 2 24
a) Essay 2 Conference Draft 25
b) Essay 2 Peer Response Draft 29
c) Essay 2 Peer Response Draft Comments 34
d) Essay 2 Final Draft
35
6 Self-Assessment 3
41
7 Essay 3 42
a) Essay 3 Workshop Draft 43
b) Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes 48
c) Essay 3 Workshop Draft Comments 49
d) Essay 3 Peer Response Draft 50
e) Essay 3 Peer Response Draft Comments 55
f) Essay 3 Final Draft
56
8 References 62
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Introductory Essay
I had initially chosen this course in order to fulfill my CAS requirement. Having studied in vastly
different schools in all parts of the world, I felt that my writing was a bit out of shape and was in need of
some consistency. Now as I take a look at my progress over this past semester, I have to say that I have
achieved my goal and have successfully employed myself with a formal structure in writing. It has
created a platform which I will continue to use and build on for the rest of my college days and onwards.
Although I have improved in all departments of argumentative writing, it is in the use of evidence in
which my improvement has been phenomenal. Before the start of this course, I fell in the habit of trying
to avoid textual evidence and always settle with general statements. This approach had significantly
weakened my arguments and had often made it unreliable. It is through this course that I have picked
up the art of using evidence and explicating them in a way to direct and control the argument. Now, by
using evidence in the right context my arguments are much stronger and are less questionable to
debate.
Let us take a look at the development of the drafts of each of the essays, which has resulted in a
massive improvement in my argumentative writing skills. Essay 1 was about the use of conflict in the
short story ‘Mlle. Dias De Corta’ written by Mavis Gallant. The conference draft was lacking in some
essential essay parts, the highlight of it was the lack of evidence. In fact, the draft only contained only
one quotation from the story. Thus, my primary focus for the second draft was to make sure that I had
included enough evidence to back up and strengthen my argument. The effect of adding evidence was
noticeable and changed the outlook of the essay. In the Essay 1 Conference Draft, one of the reasons
used for the argument was “The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the
characteristics to be the primary conflict.” (Pg 10) However, there was no proof given from the story
itself. Thus in the Essay 1 Peer Response Draft, I added the following, “We can see this when she says “I
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always expected you to come back for your suitcase.” Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us
that she wants Alda to come back, but the suitcase is like a symbol which expresses her true feelings.”
(Pg 13) After giving proof, the argument is significantly stronger and is more convincing. After providing
ample evidence throughout the essay, my next focus was to improve on my claim which needed some
tweaking as it seemed too broad. One of my peer group members, Quinn, made this comment regarding
that issue, “Not all of the paragraphs seem to coherently support your thesis. They make it seem like
you have multiple ideas for a main point and instead of choosing one you have a bunch.” (Pg 17) This
prompted me to change my claim entirely from what it was in the first two drafts. In the Essay 1 Final
Draft, my claim ended up to be, “However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability to abort the baby and her
struggle acts as a conflict as well.” (Pg 18) The claim now was more concise and addressed a singular and
specific issue.
I continued my path of improvement on Essay 2, but this time I was concentrating primarily on
my consequence and ‘So What?’ aspects of the essay. Essay 2 was an analysis of the third person point
of view in the story “Gilbert’s Mother” by William Trevor. I did face a minor setback after evaluation of
the Essay 2 Conference Draft where I mistakenly thought that the story was narrated in the third person
omniscient point of view. It was not omniscient at all, and I had to make major changes to the essay
which involved a total revamp starting from the problem statement to the ‘So What?’ of the essay. After
much effort, I was able to put together an Essay 2 Peer Response Draft where I eliminated the concept
of omniscience and brought in the switch between the third person objective and the third person
limited point of views that take place in the story. The newly transformed consequence was, “However,
once the point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the
ending of the story.” (Pg 29) By being specific about the ending, it helped me focus on the ending of the
story and I was also able to incorporate a second essay called ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ which was
based on endings of short stories. This consequence was a much improved version from the Essay 2
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Conference Draft which was “This approach lacks intimacy and leaves one confused at the end of the
story to understand the mother’s actual intentions.” (Pg 25) In this version of the consequence, it would
be hard to prove whether someone would be ‘confused’ as it is a relative concept which varies from
person to person. One of the problems was that I did not develop my Essay 2 Peer Response Draft much
into my Essay 2 Final Draft, and only added a conclusion at the end while making some minor changes
here and there. Much of that was due to some time constraints I was facing with some other classes. In
terms of evidence and explication, I was still able to maintain that and actually improve upon it in Essay
2 from Essay 1. Here is an example of explication of a piece of evidence used in the Essay 2 Final Draft,
“Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One can see no personal intake
onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands
out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be stated in a newspaper, the rest
of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person objective should sound like.” (Pg
36) The explication is long and extensive and even specific words are brought to the forefront and
analyzed to further the argument.
Now we move onto Essay 3 where I looked at the effect of multiple voices in the short story
‘Signs’ written by John Edgar Wideman. After a holding a workshop of my first draft of the essay, there
was a common consensus on some of the underlying problems of my paper. One of the major ones
discussed was how I had brought in a second story but had left it “dangling” (Pg 49) all by itself. This is
what Vijayta had to say, “I really like the content of your essay and your writing style, however I think
you could set up more of a comparison between the two stories you have used. This needs to be
brought in right from the introduction. While I understand that your main focus seems to be on ‘Signs’,
‘Once the Shore’ definitely needs more explication and comparison with the former.” (Pg 49) To tackle
this issue, I tried to pinpoint the comparisons and contrast the two stories and even spread it
throughout the essay. Let us look at one of the reasons present in Essay 3 Workshop Draft which shows
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cultural dialect of some of the black students in the university. “Again, similar to the Aunts, the black
students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to make sense out of the conversation
since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author does his best to bring out the reality
and puts us right into the scene of their meeting.” (Pg 45) The reason is just left on its own and is not
even compared to how the white people in the university sound like. So for the Essay 3 Final Draft, I
bring in the voice of the dean to show the contrast in voice between the black and white communities
and then further contrast it with the singular voice in “Once the Shore”. This is what I included, “This
difference becomes more prominent if we contrast it with “Once The Shore” where that difference in
cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one voice and that
of the dean. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally distinct dialogues
through just one voice.” (Pg 59) Even by adding just a few sentences and comparing it to the second
story the argument is significantly strengthened.
The developments of each of the drafts show that considerable work had been employed in
order to improve them. In some cases, the growth from draft to draft was slow. However, I feel by
taking small steps I gave myself time to ensure that I had a solid grasp in these concepts of
argumentative essay writing. At least in terms of using evidence and explication the improvement was
massive. From barely having any evidence in my Essay 1 Conference Draft, I was able to incorporate
many more pieces of evidence in the correct context in the latter drafts. Even Maggie, who is often
stringent when it comes to commentating on other peers’ evidence and explication wrote on my Essay 3
Workshop Draft, “I love your explication.” (Pg 49) There is an aspect which I still need to work on is
acknowledgement of opposition and responding to it. I often find myself too involved with my own
arguments that I fail to include and come up with strong oppositions to them. That is something that I
will be looking to work on when I encounter the WR150 course later in the college program.
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Keeping essay writing ability to the side, this course has increased my appreciation towards
fictional short stories. I had never actually taken the initiative to read so many short stories in such a
short span of time. I was really fascinated by the universal themes that some of the writers were able to
portray in just a few pages. My fascination and appreciation has grown to the extent that I have even
begun writing one of my own short stories! Who knows, maybe my story could one day be used in this
WR100 class a decade or so later?
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Self-Assessment 1
The main purpose of choosing this WR100 course is to fulfill my writing requirement for
the CAS undergraduate degree program. Having studied in schools in all over the world has
given me the ability to explore and be open to new ideas. However, a downfall is that it has left
my writing style and structure in disarray. The last time I had a writing class was in my Junior
year in high school, so it’s been quite a while since I have formally taken some writing lessons.
Hopefully this class will refresh my memories of my previous knowledge and also pick up some
new techniques on argumentative writing which I can use from now on. Most importantly, I
want to learn how to structure argumentative essays so that I can use it as a platform for the
rest of my college life.
One of my main weaknesses is that I am always confused in how to approach the
introduction of an essay. That is something I will be closely working on and trying to improve to
make sure that introductions of my essays are clear, relevant and follow a specific format.
A second reason for choosing this class is the topic. I found the topic of ‘Craft of Fiction’
quite interesting. Unfortunately, even in my childhood I did not read as much fiction as I should
have. Even more so, I have barely read any short stories. One of my aims of college is to explore
as many new aspects and touch upon academic areas which I had not previously been exposed
to. This class focuses on one of those areas which is why I am really looking forward to reading
and analyzing the assigned fictional short stories.
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Essay 1
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Essay 1 Conference Draft
The Use of Conflict in Mlle. Dias De Corta
“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing
suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a conflict. He defines this as a singular and
concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character) which gives purpose to the story. Does Mavis
Gallant present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us flipping the pages? She infact puts
up two. One appears to be when the narrator informs us that Alda left the apartment and has not
returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. However, Dias De Corta’s inability to abort the
baby and her struggle could act as a conflict as well. Although the obvious and more ‘distinct’ conflict is
surrounding the narrator, it’s the latter one which focuses on Alda that drives the main gist of the story.
It acts as the nucleus and is the most essential aspect of Mlle. Dias De Corta.
The short story Mlle. Dias De Corta by Mavis Gallant is narrated by a woman in France who rents
out her apartment to this young actress named Alda Dias De Corta. Although skeptical of her at first, she
comes to being used to Alda’s company, who becomes an integral member of the household. Until one
day, the lady finds that Alda is pregnant. At that time abortion was illegal in France and Alda seeking for
advice on this issue fails to receive anything tangible. She leaves the apartment and has yet to return.
The narrator’s craving of getting Corta back in her life has all the characteristics to be the
primary conflict. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a solution. It can be solved by Mlle.
Dias De Corta herself and she can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as an obstacle to the
narrator’s need. However, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest of the story. In
fact, it is the event that has generated the narrator’s need in the first place, as Alda leaves the
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apartment after the incident. Thus it seems more likely that the narrator’s need is merely a
consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their household, thus strengthening its stance as the more
critical conflict of the two.
The timing that both the conflicts are portrayed to us is a bit strange. Gallant decides to fill us in
about Alda’s departure around the middle of the story. That means one has to turn quite a few pages
before finding out the intentions of the narrator. About the placement of a conflict in a short story,
Sexton does not elaborate and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could arise
anywhere in a short story, as long as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable. Therefore, just because
Alda’s pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the main conflict
in this story.
The idea of multiple conflicts also spurs on another interesting idea about protagonists. Can
there be more than one protagonist in a short story? Sexton is quite rigid on this issue as well. He
continues to iterate that there should be just one protagonist with a sole need. The common view on
Mlle. Dias De Corta would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story
revolves around. On the contrary, the narrator tells us so much about Alda that we seem to know her
better. We know about Alda’s career, accent, background, character and possibly a faint description of
her physical appearance. Whereas, all we know about the narrator is her emotions and feelings to the
surroundings and people around her, rather than herself. In fact, if one were to conduct a drama of this
short story, Alda would appear in all the scenes. Since we know much more about Corta, doesn’t it
naturally convey that she is the protagonist and of this story? We find out so much about Corta without
even her physical presence in the story itself. Gallant uses Alda as the protagonist of this story, with the
other characters and society acting as the antagonist to her problem. It only makes more sense to
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suggest that Mavis Gallant would present the conflict of this story which stems from the protagonist,
rather than any other character.
“You moved into my apartment during the summer of the year before abortion became legal in
France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” This is the first thing the
narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of the story
from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story would focus
more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator spends a
majority of her time just telling us about Corta. This story works around a much broader theme than
that. Alda can be viewed as a representative of many who might have suffered in France when abortion
was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact of it on society due to its non-existence.
Sexton has an interesting view on using more than one conflict in a short story. He advises
through his essay that it’s best if a short story focuses on just one conflict. He thinks that there is a lack
of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts and it may bring in unnecessary complexities.
However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in the first place?
If we truly consider Corta’s conflict as the backbone of Mlle. Dias De Corta then the idea of a second
conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Corta from the narrator’s life can be thought of as a
tool that Gallant used to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may be addressed
to Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out a deeper meaning. Thus, it can be
argued that Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless,
Gallant has used this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.
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Essay 1 Peer Response Draft
The Use of Conflict in Mlle. Dias De Corta
“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing
suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a conflict. He defines this as a singular and
concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character) which gives purpose to the story. Does Mavis
Gallant present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us flipping the pages? She in fact puts
up two. One appears to be when the narrator informs us that Alda left the apartment and has not
returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability to abort
the baby and her struggle could act as a conflict as well. Although the obvious and more ‘distinct’
conflict is surrounding the narrator, it’s the latter one which focuses on Alda that drives the main gist of
the story. It acts as the nucleus and is the most essential aspect of Mlle. Dias De Corta.
The short story “Mlle. Dias De Corta” by Mavis Gallant is narrated by a woman in France who
rents out her apartment to this young actress named Alda Dias De Corta. Although skeptical of her at
first, she comes to being used to Alda’s company, who becomes an integral member of the household.
Until one day, the lady finds that Alda is pregnant. At that time abortion was illegal in France and Alda
seeking for advice on this issue fails to receive anything tangible. She leaves the apartment and has yet
to return.
The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the characteristics to be the primary
conflict. We can see this when she says “I always expected you to come back for your suitcase.”
Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us that she wants Alda to come back, but the suitcase is like
a symbol which expresses her true feelings. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a
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solution. It can be solved by Alda herself and she can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as an
obstacle to the narrator’s need. However, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest
of the story. The narrator states “I had been the first to spot your condition.” In fact, this is the event
that has generated the narrator’s need in the first place. It is the reason the young lady leaves the
apartment which we found out when the narrator proclaims “Alain often asked for news after you
vanished mentioning you affectionately as ‘the little Carmencita’.” Thus it seems more likely that the
narrator’s need is merely a consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their household, strengthening its
stance as the more critical conflict of the two.
The idea of multiple conflicts also spurs on another interesting idea about protagonists. Can
there be more than one protagonist in a short story? Sexton is quite rigid on this issue as well. He
continues to iterate that there should be just one protagonist with a sole need. The common view on
“Mlle. Dias De Corta” would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story
revolves around. On the contrary, the narrator tells us so much about Alda that we seem to know her
better. We know that she has appeared in an “oven cleanser commercial” on television and even that
“She’s too short for an actress”. We find out that she has a “low pitched” voice and a French accent she
picked up from schooling in “Marseilles”. One even knows that the actress doesn’t have a French
passport as “she had never applied for one.” That is the extent to which we know about Alda in this
story because even the smallest details about her are mentioned. Whereas, all we know about the
narrator is her emotions and feelings to the surroundings and people around her, rather than herself.
We can see her discontent towards the increase in immigration in France when she asserts the findings
in a report that “Asians will have taken over a third of Paris, Arabs and Africans three quarters, and
unskilled European immigrants two-fifths.” Although, we do get a slight description of the narrator’s hair
when she informs us it is “ash blond, swept back, medium long”. That’s just about it. Thinking about it, if
one were to conduct a drama of this short story, Alda would appear in all the scenes. Since we know
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much more about Alda, doesn’t it naturally convey that she is the protagonist of this story? We find out
so much about her without even her physical presence in the story itself. Gallant uses Alda as the
protagonist of this story, with the other characters and society acting as the antagonist to her problem.
The timing that both the conflicts are portrayed to us is a bit strange. Gallant decides to fill us in
about Alda’s departure around the middle of the story. It comes on in the 5th
page of the story. That
means one has to turn quite a few pages before finding out the intentions of the narrator. The narrator
asks Alda “How far along are you?”, which gives us the first indication about her pregnancy. We find
about this incident in the beginning of the 9th
page of the story. About the placement of a conflict in a
short story, Sexton does not elaborate and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could
arise anywhere in a short story, as long as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable.
“You moved into my apartment during the summer of the year before abortion became legal in
France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” This is the first thing the
narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of the story
from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story would focus
more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator spends a
majority of her time just telling us about Alda. This story works around a much broader theme than that.
It only makes more sense to suggest that Mavis Gallant would present the conflict of this story
which stems from the protagonist, rather than any other character. Furthermore, just because Alda’s
pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the main conflict in this
story. Alda Dias De Corta can be viewed as a representative of many who might have suffered in France
when abortion was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact of it on society due to
its non-existence.
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Sexton has an interesting view on using more than one conflict in a short story. He advises
through his essay that it’s best if a short story focuses on just one conflict. He thinks that there is a lack
of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts and it may bring in unnecessary complexities.
However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in the first place?
If we truly consider Alda’s conflict as the backbone of “Mlle. Dias De Corta” then the idea of a second
conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Alda from the narrator’s life can be thought of as a tool
that Gallant used to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may be addressed to
Mlle. Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out a deeper meaning. Thus, it can be
argued that Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless,
Gallant has used this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.
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Essay 1 Peer Response Draft Comments
General Notes by Quinn:
- Identify your quotes with an author and page #
- Be sure to explain the significance of your quotations, don’t just drop them in
- Not all of the paragraphs seem to coherently support your thesis. They make it seem like you have
multiple ideas for a main point and instead of choosing one you have a bunch. I see 4 distinct topics
definitely that you may want to work on to choose as your sole topic
o Disagreeing with Sexton that short stories have multiple conflicts
o “Mlle Dias De Corta” has 2 conflicts and the less noticed one is the most important
o Sexton only focuses on the ideas of one protagonist, one conflict one antagonist etc. de
Corta reveals you can have multiples of these
o De Corta uses Sexton’s idea of conflict in interesting ways that make it a unique story.
Gallant plays w/ the timing of conflict, the idea of multiple conflicts, conflicts leading to
multiple protagonists
- Remember to use the active voice
- Elaborate on your thought process so your readers can follow along
- Overall you have a lot of interpretations, you just need to sort out what is and is not relevant and
solidify your thesis. But still a good job!
- And don’t forget a works cited page
General Notes by Julie:
- I think it is well written, especially the 4th
paragraph, the evidences are all good to support your idea
and I was following very easily, also persuasive
- However, other paragraphs, I think you can develop it more with some good evidences to show
your argument
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Essay 1 Final Draft
The Use of Conflict in Mlle. Dias De Corta
Adam Sexton, a teacher of writing suggests in his essay ‘Story Structure’ that every story needs a
conflict. He defines this as a singular and concrete need of the protagonist (i.e. the main character)
which gives purpose to the story. “Mlle. Dias De Corta” is a short story narrated by an elderly woman
living in France and talks about an actress Alda Dias De Corta who used to be a tenant in their
apartment. Does the author, Mavis Gallant, present a conflict in the story Mlle. Dias De Corta to keep us
flipping the pages? She certainly does. A conflict appears to arise when the narrator informs us that Alda
leaves the apartment and has not returned till the day the elderly lady is writing this letter. As it is more
obvious and distinct, many consider this as the primary conflict. However, Alda Dias De Corta’s inability
to abort the baby and her struggle acts as a conflict as well. It is this conflict which focuses on Alda that
portrays the true meaning and plays a more significant role in shaping the rest of the story.
“A story without a conflict is not a story. It’s that simple.” (Sexton Pg. 27) Sexton could not have
made it any clearer as to the importance he places on the conflict of a story. Let us take a closer look as
to what Sexton tells about the conflict. Characters ascribe several needs, but not all of them can be
achieved or addressed in a short story. How do we distinguish that sole need then which provides the
backbone of the story? Alda exhibits many needs throughout the story as well. Right from the first
paragraph of “Mlle. Dias De Corta’, we find out that Alda wants to be a successful actress when the
narrator informs us “The diploma was not among the things we found in your suitcase, after you
disappeared, but my son recalled that you carried it in your handbag, in case you had the good luck to sit
next to a casting director on a bus.” (Gallant 315) Alda’s determination to carry her acting diploma
wherever she goes shows how important her career is to her. However, the story does not focus on
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Alda’s career which is why it cannot be the conflict. The conflict becomes clear when protagonist’s
pursuit of trying to achieve that need is the central aspect of the story, which is what we notice about
Alda’s abortion issue.
The narrator’s craving of getting Alda back in her life has all the characteristics to be the primary
conflict. In support of this idea, she says “I always expected you to come back for your suitcase.” (Gallant
Pg. 323) Although the narrator is not explicitly telling us that she wants Alda to come back, the suitcase
is a symbol which expresses her true desire indirectly. One can also sense the closeness of the
relationship between the narrator and Alda. We witness this when Alda barely had any dresses and had
to attend an interview for a modeling job, the narrator proclaims “I gave you one of my own dresses”.
(Gallant 322) The fact that the narrator is sharing her personal belongings with Alda shows that it is
much more than a simple landlady-tenant relationship. Gallant decides to fill us in about Alda’s
departure around the middle of the story. It comes on in the 5th
page of the story which is and is before
we find out about Alda’s pregnancy. Even the last statement of the letter reinforces the claim that the
conflict stems from the narrator when she says “I prefer to live in the expectation of hearing the
elevator stop at my floor and then your ring, and of having you tell me you have come home.” (Gallant
Pg. 326) This statement reveals that the narrator considers Alda like a family member and wants her to
“come home”. All of these points would imply that the narrator’s need to bring Alda back in the
apartment is the main conflict. It is a specific problem that she is facing which has a solution. It can be
solved by Alda’s return and thus Alda Dias De Corta can be regarded as the antagonist who stands as the
obstacle to the narrator’s need.
Alda’s sole need can be distinguished quite clearly too. She needs her baby to be aborted, but
there is no one to help her since abortion was illegal in France at the time the story takes place. The
narrator, who seems to have such a close relationship with Alda, refuses to help. She informs Alda “I
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can’t help you. I’m sorry. It’s against the law and besides, I wouldn’t know where to send you.” (Gallant
Pg. 323). Later when Alda leaves the apartment and is in a café still looking out for solutions, she asked
for help from “the woman at the next table” who “wrote something on the back of an old Metro ticket
(the solution, most probably)” (Gallant Pg. 323). However, even that effort went in vain. Therefore, this
provides evidence that the “woman” who is a representative of her society and the narrator act as
antagonists to her problem, considering that Alda is the protagonist whose desire remains unattended.
Furthermore, it is the revelation of Alda’s pregnancy which shapes the rest of the story. The narrator
states “I had been the first to spot your condition.” (Gallant Pg. 322) In fact, this is the event that has
generated the narrator’s need in the first place. It is the reason the young lady leaves the apartment
which we found out when the narrator proclaims “Alain often asked for news after you vanished”
(Gallant Pg. 319). Alain was their hair stylist and even he knew that Alda had left their household. Thus
it seems more likely that the narrator’s need is merely a consequence of Alda’s decision to leave their
household, strengthening the stance of Alda’s conflict being the more critical conflict of the two.
The idea of multiple conflicts also spurs on another interesting idea about protagonists. Can
there be more than one protagonist in a short story? Sexton is quite rigid on this issue as well. He
continues to iterate that there should be just one protagonist with a sole need. The common view on
“Mlle. Dias De Corta” would be that the narrator is the protagonist and is the central character the story
revolves around. On the contrary, the narrator tells us so much about Alda that we seem to know her
better. We know that she has appeared in an “oven cleanser commercial” (Gallant Pg. 319) on television
and even that “She’s too short for an actress” (Gallant Pg. 316). We find out that she has a “low pitched”
(Gallant Pg. 316) voice and a French accent she picked up from schooling in “Marseilles” (Gallant Pg.
317). One even knows that the actress doesn’t have a French passport as “she had never applied for
one.” (Gallant Pg. 319) That is the extent to which we know about Alda in this story because even the
smallest details about her are mentioned. Whereas, all we know about the narrator is her emotions and
21 | P a g e
feelings to the surroundings and people around her, rather than herself. We can see her discontent
towards the increase in immigration in France when she asserts the inaccurate findings of a report that
“Asians will have taken over a third of Paris, Arabs and Africans three quarters, and unskilled European
immigrants two-fifths.” (Gallant Pg. 317) We do get a slight description of the narrator’s hair when she
describes it as “ash blond, swept back, medium long”. (Gallant Pg. 319) That’s just about it. Interestingly,
if one were to conduct a drama of this short story, Alda would probably appear in all the scenes. Since
we know much more about Alda, doesn’t it naturally convey that she is the protagonist of this story? We
find out so much about her without even her physical presence in the story itself.
“You moved into my apartment during the summer of the year before abortion became legal in
France; that should fix it in past time for you, dear Mlle. Dias De Corta.” (Gallant Pg. 315) This is the first
thing the narrator tells us to start off the story. Gallant is making a clear statement about the theme of
the story from the first sentence itself. If the narrator’s conflict were the primary one, then the story
would focus more on their relationship of being a landlord and tenant respectively. Instead, the narrator
spends a majority of her time just telling us about Alda. This story works around a much broader theme,
which in this case is about abortion. The narrator asks Alda “How far along are you?” (Gallant Pg. 323)
which gives us the first indication about her pregnancy. We find about this incident in the beginning of
the 9th
page of the story. About the placement of a conflict in a short story, Sexton does not elaborate
and specify. This would imply that he feels that the conflict could arise anywhere in a short story, as long
as it is clear, conspicuous and distinguishable.
Gallant uses Alda as the protagonist of this story, with the other characters and society acting as
the antagonist to her problem. It only makes more sense to suggest that Gallant would present the
conflict of this story which stems from the protagonist, rather than any other character. Furthermore,
just because Alda’s pregnancy was revealed after her takeoff does not weaken the claim of it being the
22 | P a g e
main conflict in this story. Alda Dias De Corta can be viewed as a representative of many who might
have suffered in France when abortion was illegal. It reflects on the significance of a law and the impact
of it on society due to its non-existence.
Sexton has an interesting view on using more than one conflict in a short story. He advises
through his essay that it’s best if a short story focuses on just one conflict. He thinks that there is a lack
of space in a short story to work with multiple conflicts as it tends to introduce unnecessary
complexities. However, can the narrator’s need to get Alda back in her life be classified as a conflict in
the first place? If we truly consider Alda’s conflict as the nucleus of “Mlle. Dias De Corta” then the idea
of a second conflict can be disregarded. Now, the absence of Alda from the narrator’s life can be
thought of as a tool that Gallant uses to guide us through Alda’s conflict. It instigated a letter which may
be addressed to Alda Dias De Corta in the story, but its real purpose is to channel out the crisis faced by
many women who faced difficulties when trying to abort their babies. Thus, it can be argued that
Gallant is in line with Sexton’s advice and sticks to a solitary conflict as well. Regardless, Gallant has used
this literary device conflict well enough to create a modern classic among short stories.
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Self-Assessment 2
I feel that I’ve already learned a lot over the course of writing three drafts of Essay 1. One of my
primary objects to learn in this class was how to set a structure to my introduction. I am now much
more confident in writing an introduction after learning the format. The elements of common ground,
story summary, problem statement, consequence, claim and the ‘so what?’ of claim is a great way to
sequence and set out the introduction. I will definitely look to build on this format of introduction in
future essay assignments of this course
There are still several other aspects which I need to focus and improve on:
- My use of evidence and the proper explication is still poor. I always tend to use ‘dropped’ quotes
and not go on to explain the exact significance of it. Evidence and explication will be primary focus
for the next essay that I write.
- The consequence of the problem seemed to be a bit unclear. In Essay 1, the consequence seemed
to general to actually even be classified as a consequence to the problem in the first place. For the
next essays, I have to try and make sure that the problem and consequence are specific to the story
I am analyzing and arguing for, which will then help me set up a strong claim and a ‘so what?’ to the
claim as well.
- I am also finding the concept of ‘So What?’ a bit difficult to grasp. In Essay 1 I just summarized the
main points of each of my reasons, explaining the significance to my claim and bundled them up
into a ‘So What? Paragraph’. I feel that it was too simplistic and a bit on the short side as well. I
have to look to expand on the ‘So What?’ and come up with original ideas to explain why the claim
of my argument is so important and what impact it has on the way we read the story.
24 | P a g e
Essay 2
25 | P a g e
Essay 2 Conference Draft
Point of View in Gilbert’s Mother
“It’s a writer’s chosen point of view strategy that provides access to the heads and hearts of
many characters” (Sexton Pg. 127) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View I’. Sexton lays out
several strategies on how to narrate a story in first, second and third person point of views in his essays
‘Point of View I’ and ‘Point of View II’. How do we choose which point of view to write in? This is a
dilemma one often has to face before writing a short story. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a
mother who suspects that his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it.
William Trevor, the author of this story, narrates using the third person omniscient neutral point of
view. This approach lacks intimacy and leaves one confused at the end of the story to understand the
mother’s actual intentions. For the reason of obscurity, it would have been better if the story was
narrated in the first person singular point of view. It could have justified the mother’s outburst of
emotions directed towards her son and given us a distinct image of the mother-son relationship.
In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person omniscient neutral point of view
as a narrator who oversees and tells us all the details about the scenario being described but cannot give
their own views on it. Also in this point of view, the narrator has all the information about the
surroundings but has no obligation to share it with us. One can this point of view come out right from
the initial stages of the story when the narrator introduces us to the mother. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a
month ago peeled potatoes at the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her
features; her round, pretty face had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing
them fairly.” (Trevor Pg. 64) The details are quite descriptive and we do get a sense of what the mother
actually looks like. This is a huge benefit of using this point of view strategy that we can always use the
26 | P a g e
information available to us to form mental images of the story. In a way the style of narration makes us
look at the story through the narrator’s eyes, who seemingly plays no role in the story. Thus, one can
visibly associate the adjectives ‘round’ and ‘pretty’ to the mother. Although a bit vague, but we are still
rest assured that there is no bias. Another instance in the story which shows that this point of view has
no bias is around the middle of the story during a conversation between the mother and the son, right
when the mother starts to suspect that her son might be involved in the murder. “Sometimes, when he
went on talking, she felt like the shadow of a person who was not there. Ordinary sounding statements
that he made exhausted her. Was it a deliberate act, his saying that tonight he'd had a conversation with
the police? Was it all part of being daring, of challenging the world that would take his rights from him?
Often it seemed to her that his purposeless life was full of purpose.” (Trevor Pg. 69) Here, we get a sense
of both the mother’s thoughts and a possibility of inferring what the son’s intentions towards the
mother are. The mother seems to know his ‘purpose’ of life whereas the son’s ‘ordinary’ dialogue was a
specific of him trying to hide something from his mother. It is this ‘neutral’ perspective that we get from
the third person omniscient neutral that always makes the story an interesting read. Also, this point of
view never gives us the complete idea of a certain incident or intention, thus always keeping us in the
loop to want to read more in order to know more as well.
Much of the story does come out quite stale though. Since the narrator plays no role in the
story, the narrator sometimes cannot seem to make situation being described exciting enough. Let us go
back to the beginning of the story, the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by
describing the murder. “On November 23, 1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous
notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death
between the hours of ten fifteen and midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) This sounds just like a news report.
There is no emotion and personal intake onto the murder and the details are simply thrown at us to
swallow. Furthermore, the story sometimes tends to be inconspicuous and inconclusive as to the actions
27 | P a g e
portrayed. We get this feeling near the end of the story when the mother is in a state of confusion on
deciding the course of action she should take after realizing that her son might be the murderer. “She
might dial the emergency number now. Or she might go tomorrow to a police station, apologizing even
before she began, hoping for reassurance.” (Trevor Pg. 72) We cannot conjure up exactly what is going
on in the mother’s head. The regular use of ‘might’ just keeps adding doubt to everything ascribed. It is
to address this problem on the third person omniscient neutral point of view that leaves the ending so
open-ended. Thus, using the first person central point of view from the mother’s perspective would
have avoided this and we would have received a personalized view of the confusion in her head. There
might have been doubt in her thoughts, but it would have removed the element of constant ‘might’
which really does not tell us anything concrete enough to come to a specific conclusion.
What does Sexton tell us about this first person central point of view? He defines it as the story
told by the protagonist in his/her own perspective. We find out all the thoughts of this protagonist and
find about all the characters from the protagonist’s perspective which gives it a totally different look to a
story. Instead of overlooking the story from the point of view of a person who has no bearing in the
story, with the first person central the one who reads feels directly involved in the story, following the
steps the protagonist is taking. At the end of the story, the narrator informs us of the mother’s
emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed him. She had felt the tug of his
lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who controlled her now, who made
her isolation total.” (Trevor Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire mother-son relationship. Since
it is not the mother’s own words it portrays both the mother and the son in a negative light. The mother
can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction ‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the
mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. If this was said from the mother’s perspective, it would
have made much more sense. We could have found out about her real emotions towards her son in a
much more positive manner. After all, she is the mother and her feelings and attachment to her son
28 | P a g e
could be so strong that it is hard to define in words. We are unable to even think of this as an option due
to the point of view it is expressed in.
There is also another point of view that can be seen which does not fall into any of Sexton’s
point of view categories. Take a closer look at this segment nearing the end of the story, when the
narrator interjects between a conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television
show. “In all his acts of bravado there had never been violence - when he refused to open his
schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a basement" when he acquired a car without money. No one
would deny his cleverness, cunningly concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being
baffled by him, but there was never violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son
has never been violent in his life when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of
emotion or statement one would expect the mother to say, since she loves her son and will think of all
possible arguments to counter her own feelings that her son could be the murderer. The narrator has no
obligation to support the son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards
the mother’s emotions rather than justice of the murder itself. Or an even more interesting take on this
would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead wants us to perceive that it is
a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.
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Essay 2 Peer Response Draft
Point of View in Gilbert’s Mother
“To succeed at this most challenging aspect of the writer’s craft, pick one approach per short
story or novel” (Sexton Pg. 177) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View II’. Sexton lays out
several strategies on how to narrate a story in third person point of view in his essay but suggests that a
story remains consistent with one. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a mother who suspects that
his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it. William Trevor, the author
of this story, initially narrates using the third person objective point of view but later transforms into the
third person limited point of view. When narrated in the objective point of view, the mother is seen as
typical and caring, merely troubled by the presence of a wayward and disturbed son. However, once the
point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the ending
of the story. It is the ending which plays a crucial role in altering our view of the mother, who is now
instead seen as oppressive and overbearing. One can infer that Trevor deliberately transforms point of
view and violates Sexton’s ‘POV Contract’ in order to imply further complexities in their mother-son
relationship than we initially expected.
In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person objective point of view as a
narrator who merely presents ‘action, dialogue and description’ (Pg 171). The narrator is not allowed to
read the mind or thoughts of the character, and presents no view or judgment on them either. Sexton
uses this example to clearly show how this third person object point of view works. ‘To examine this
problem from the writer’s perspective, if you tell a story using this POV strategy, you may not tell your
characters that you may feel happy, but you may describe a smile’. Thus, the narrator can only iterate
the actions of a character, which in this case a character smiles but the narrator cannot explicitly tell us
30 | P a g e
the character’s feelings which may have caused the smile. On the other hand, third person limited point
of view restricts the narrator to just the perspective of one character in the short story. Similar to the
third person objective even in this point of view the narrator cannot ‘judge, interpret or even explain’
(154). We only get a sense of the thoughts and feelings of one single character, thus sometimes one can
sense the intimacy of a first person point of view narration.
We can clearly see that ‘Gilbert’s Mother’ begins in a third person objective narration. Consider
the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by describing the murder. “On November 23,
1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a
nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death between the hours of ten fifteen and
midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One
can see no personal intake onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of
the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be
stated in a newspaper, the rest of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person
objective should sound like. Further instances at the beginning of the story continue to emphasize the
presence of the third person objective point of view in the story. Let us look at two instances when the
narrator describes both the mother and the son. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a month ago peeled potatoes at
the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her features; her round, pretty face
had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing them fairly.” (Pg. 64) Again, one can
see that the descriptions show no form of opinion. We can see her ‘kitchen’ surroundings and the music
playing in the background and the description of her ‘round’ face with ‘wrinkles’ does not tell us of the
narrator’s feelings towards her looks. “Gilbert was dark-haired, five feet eight inches tall, sparely made.
His features were neat: a fine mouth and nose, brown eyes very like his mother’s, high cheekbones.”
Even here, the narrator is ascribing certain qualities to the son without any emotional input into it,
similar to the description of the mother. Maybe ‘his features were neat’ is the closest instance where
31 | P a g e
the third person objective sort of sways away, but then again the rest of the qualities such as ‘high
cheekbones’ and ‘brown eyes’ like his mother just bring back the objective point of view.
It is the narration of the third person objective point of view that perceives the mother in much
more positive light. At one point in the middle of the story the narrator tells us of several events which
portrayed Gilbert’s erratic behavior. “When he was nine Gilbert underwent psychiatric treatment. The
immediate reason for this was that he did not return from school one day. He should have returned on
the bus, traveling with a handful of other children who lived in the same neighborhood” (Pg 66). This
shows that Gilbert really did not seem to be like ordinary children. Being so rebellious at the age of 9
seems quite disturbing and justifies why the mother would look to psychiatric treatment for her son. We
later find out that Gilbert called in the next morning after staying over in the basement of another
apartment. “He gave his mother no explanation”. Since we never get to know the circumstances as to
why Gilbert did not return home due to the nature of the third person objective point of view, it can be
seen that the mother would find this behavior troublesome and for the love of her son would look to
seek help on this matter. If we look at instances of what the mother says in reply to or questioning
Gilbert, we get a further sense of her caring attitude. Again around the middle of the story when the
mother is begins to think that Gilbert could be involved in the murder, Gilbert brings with him a
newspaper from a public house to which the mother replies ““Thank you, dear” she said, returning his
smile”. Soon after when Gilbert offers her tea, his mother responds with “No, not tonight, dear”. As we
never get to intrude into the heads of either of the characters, the constant usage of ‘dear’ by mother
can only be seen in a soft spoken and caring way. The mother cannot be seen as being harsh or
oppressive towards her son, at least not through her speech. Things might have been different from
another point of view, but through this objective one the narrator brings out the mother’s words in
much more positive light.
32 | P a g e
Now we move to the ending of the story where we see the transformation of point of view and
the narrator starts to use third person limited instead of objective. At the end of the story, the narrator
informs us of the mother’s emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed
him. She had felt the tug of his lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who
controlled her now, who made her isolation total.” (Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire
mother-son relationship. The mother can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction
‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. Let us
take a closer look at another segment near the end of the story, when the narrator interjects between a
conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television show. “In all his acts of bravado
there had never been violence - when he refused to open his schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a
basement when he acquired a car without money. No one would deny his cleverness, cunningly
concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being baffled by him, but there was never
violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son has never been violent in his life
when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of emotion or statement one
would expect the mother to say, since she loves Gilbert. The narrator has no obligation to support the
son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards the mother’s emotions
reiterating that the ending is being narrated in the third person limited point of view. Or a more
unorthodox take on this would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead
wants us to perceive that it is a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.
This transformation from third person objective to third person limited has raised further
complexities, especially on the reliability of the narrator. It seems as though we cannot fully trust the
narrator since the reality of the story pulled out through the third person objective is now
distinguishable from the reality of the mother which can be seen at the end through the third person
limited point of view. This is where the ending plays such a significant role in leaving the lasting
33 | P a g e
impression on us. Debra Spark in her essay ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ emphasizes the importance the
closing has on a story. “The convention is that a closing will tie together the body of the story by offering
an image or thought or final piece of information that gives one last perspective-enhancing look on what
has just happened.” (Spark Pg 112) She also states that an ending sticks “in a reader’s short term
memory” (Pg 106). Therefore, once we finish reading a story it is the ending we immediately think about
the most. Relating to “Gilbert’s Mother” it is the image of the mother’s sense of oppression that we
extract from the ending, through the third person limited point of view which leaves us most baffled
about nature of their mother-son relationship
It has been established that the ending through the third person limited narration makes us
view Rosalie as an overbearing mother who is too paranoid about her son. However, we still cannot the
rest of the story where the mother is seen as a loving and caring character who simply wants what is
best for her son given the circumstances she was facing. One could look at the point of view
transformation as Trevor’s way of bringing out this complex mother-son relationship rather than
focusing on solving the murder case. The two differing point of views set the mother in both positive
and negative lights, something which the author would have much more difficulty in doing using just
one point of view. In a way one could say that through this unconventional method of using two point of
views, Trevor is giving us an example of a mother who is seemingly perceived as typical from a glance
from a distance, but once we take a closer look at her thoughts, actions and reactions to her son’s
activities do we realize that she is not typical after all. Thus, it is the narrator’s change in point of view to
third person limited that helps us take that closer look of the mother and change our impression of her
at the end.
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Essay 2 Peer Response Draft Comments
General Notes by Quinn:
- You have a very clear and coherent structure, excellent job with that
- Make sure, though, to include a clear consequence and so what
- Explicate on your quotes just so your reader can completely follow your though process
- You could add in a so what paragraph before your conclusion
- In your conclusion make a broader statement to leave your reader with a question
General Notes by Julie:
- Your common ground is not strongly related to your argument. You are saying, “the third person
limited completely changes our perception”. Compared to this, your quote is little too vague. You
can find a quote that indicates the importance of choosing the right POV for the fiction.
- For your intro, I see all the elements. So good job!! However, you did present two articles that you
are going to use but it is no distinctive enough. For me, objective point of view sounds like a
broader term for third person limited. Therefore, I was confusing about ‘what does third person
limited changed from?’ Just be clear your ‘objective pov and third person limited are different
POVs’. Note what POV has changed into what POV. What does this means to the story. So, what are
you saying(arguing) about this Issue(claim). Then So what about your claim? What does this do to
your story?
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Essay 2 Final Draft
Point of View in Gilbert’s Mother
“To succeed at this most challenging aspect of the writer’s craft, pick one approach per short
story or novel” (Sexton Pg. 177) states Adam Sexton in his article ‘Point of View II’. Sexton lays out
several strategies on how to narrate a story in third person point of view in his essay but suggests that a
story remains consistent with one. “Gilbert’s Mother” is a short story about a mother who suspects that
his son has murdered a teenage girl and does not know what to do about it. William Trevor, the author
of this story, initially narrates using the third person objective point of view but later transforms into the
third person limited point of view. When narrated in the objective point of view, the mother is seen as
typical and caring, merely troubled by the presence of a wayward and disturbed son. However, once the
point of view changes into the third person limited it completely changes our perception of the ending
of the story. It is the ending which plays a crucial role in altering our view of the mother, who is now
instead seen as oppressive and overbearing. One can infer that Trevor deliberately transforms point of
view and violates Sexton’s ‘POV Contract’ in order to imply further complexities in their mother-son
relationship than we initially expected.
In the essay ‘Point of View II’, Sexton defines the third person objective point of view as a
narrator who merely presents ‘action, dialogue and description’ (Pg 171). The narrator is not allowed to
read the mind or thoughts of the character, and presents no view or judgment on them either. Sexton
uses this example to clearly show how this third person object point of view works. ‘To examine this
problem from the writer’s perspective, if you tell a story using this POV strategy, you may not tell your
characters that you may feel happy, but you may describe a smile’. Thus, the narrator can only iterate
the actions of a character, which in this case a character smiles but the narrator cannot explicitly tell us
36 | P a g e
the character’s feelings which may have caused the smile. On the other hand, third person limited point
of view restricts the narrator to just the perspective of one character in the short story. Similar to the
third person objective even in this point of view the narrator cannot ‘judge, interpret or even explain’
(154). We only get a sense of the thoughts and feelings of one single character, thus sometimes one can
sense the intimacy of a first person point of view narration.
We can clearly see that ‘Gilbert’s Mother’ begins in a third person objective narration. Consider
the first paragraph of the story where the narrator opens by describing the murder. “On November 23,
1992, a Monday in an area of South London not previous notable for acts of violence, Carol Dickson, a
nineteen year old shop assistant, was bludgeoned to death between the hours of ten fifteen and
midnight.” (Trevor Pg. 64) Starting off with a date and location gives it a feeling of a news report. One
can see no personal intake onto the events and it is simply a rundown of facts. Although the usage of
the word ‘bludgeoned’ stands out as the only word that is not consistent with something that could be
stated in a newspaper, the rest of sentence is consistent with Sexton’s definition of what third person
objective should sound like. Further instances at the beginning of the story continue to emphasize the
presence of the third person objective point of view in the story. Let us look at two instances when the
narrator describes both the mother and the son. “Rosalie Mannion, fifty a month ago peeled potatoes at
the sink in her kitchen, listening to The Archers. Middle age suited her features; her round, pretty face
had taken charge of what wrinkles had come, by chance distributing them fairly.” (Pg. 64) Again, one can
see that the descriptions show no form of opinion. We can see her ‘kitchen’ surroundings and the music
playing in the background and the description of her ‘round’ face with ‘wrinkles’ does not tell us of the
narrator’s feelings towards her looks. “Gilbert was dark-haired, five feet eight inches tall, sparely made.
His features were neat: a fine mouth and nose, brown eyes very like his mother’s, high cheekbones.”
Even here, the narrator is ascribing certain qualities to the son without any emotional input into it,
similar to the description of the mother. Maybe ‘his features were neat’ is the closest instance where
37 | P a g e
the third person objective sort of sways away, but then again the rest of the qualities such as ‘high
cheekbones’ and ‘brown eyes’ like his mother just bring back the objective point of view.
It is the narration of the third person objective point of view that perceives the mother in much
more positive light. At one point in the middle of the story the narrator tells us of several events which
portrayed Gilbert’s erratic behavior. “When he was nine Gilbert underwent psychiatric treatment. The
immediate reason for this was that he did not return from school one day. He should have returned on
the bus, traveling with a handful of other children who lived in the same neighborhood” (Pg 66). This
shows that Gilbert really did not seem to be like ordinary children. Being so rebellious at the age of 9
seems quite disturbing and justifies why the mother would look to psychiatric treatment for her son. We
later find out that Gilbert called in the next morning after staying over in the basement of another
apartment. “He gave his mother no explanation”. Since we never get to know the circumstances as to
why Gilbert did not return home due to the nature of the third person objective point of view, it can be
seen that the mother would find this behavior troublesome and for the love of her son would look to
seek help on this matter. If we look at instances of what the mother says in reply to or questioning
Gilbert, we get a further sense of her caring attitude. Again around the middle of the story when the
mother is begins to think that Gilbert could be involved in the murder, Gilbert brings with him a
newspaper from a public house to which the mother replies ““Thank you, dear” she said, returning his
smile”. Soon after when Gilbert offers her tea, his mother responds with “No, not tonight, dear”. As we
never get to intrude into the heads of either of the characters, the constant usage of ‘dear’ by mother
can only be seen in a soft spoken and caring way. The mother cannot be seen as being harsh or
oppressive towards her son, at least not through her speech. Things might have been different from
another point of view, but through this objective one the narrator brings out the mother’s words in
much more positive light.
38 | P a g e
Now we move to the ending of the story where we see the transformation of point of view and
the narrator starts to use third person limited instead of objective. At the end of the story, the narrator
informs us of the mother’s emotional outburst towards her son. “Before her birth she had possessed
him. She had felt the tug of his lips on her breasts, a helpless creature then, growing into the one who
controlled her now, who made her isolation total.” (Pg. 72) These two sentences rattle the entire
mother-son relationship. The mother can be seen like an oppressor from the usage of diction
‘possessed’ and ‘helpless creature’ whereas the mother’s ‘isolation’ is apparently the son’s fault. Let us
take a closer look at another segment near the end of the story, when the narrator interjects between a
conversation the mother is having with the son on a certain television show. “In all his acts of bravado
there had never been violence - when he refused to open his schoolbooks, when he spent a night in a
basement when he acquired a car without money. No one would deny his cleverness, cunningly
concealed beneath his tedious chatter. No one would deny being baffled by him, but there was never
violence.” Why does the narrator decide to inform us that the son has never been violent in his life
when he is being suspected of committing a murder? This is the kind of emotion or statement one
would expect the mother to say, since she loves Gilbert. The narrator has no obligation to support the
son. This statement could be inferred that the narrator is bit biased towards the mother’s emotions
reiterating that the ending is being narrated in the third person limited point of view. Or a more
unorthodox take on this would be that it is in fact the mother who is narrating the story but instead
wants us to perceive that it is a neutral narrator who is uncovering the events.
This transformation from third person objective to third person limited has raised further
complexities, especially on the reliability of the narrator. It seems as though we cannot fully trust the
narrator since the reality of the story pulled out through the third person objective is now
distinguishable from the reality of the mother which can be seen at the end through the third person
limited point of view. This is where the ending plays such a significant role in leaving the lasting
39 | P a g e
impression on us. Debra Spark in her essay ‘Getting In and Getting Out’ emphasizes the importance the
closing has on a story. “The convention is that a closing will tie together the body of the story by offering
an image or thought or final piece of information that gives one last perspective-enhancing look on what
has just happened.” (Spark Pg 112) She also states that an ending sticks “in a reader’s short term
memory” (Pg 106). Therefore, once we finish reading a story it is the ending we immediately think about
the most. Relating to “Gilbert’s Mother” it is the image of the mother’s sense of oppression that we
extract from the ending, through the third person limited point of view which leaves us most baffled
about nature of their mother-son relationship
It has been established that the ending through the third person limited narration makes us
view Rosalie as an overbearing mother who is too paranoid about her son. However, we still cannot the
rest of the story where the mother is seen as a loving and caring character who simply wants what is
best for her son given the circumstances she was facing. One could look at the point of view
transformation as Trevor’s way of bringing out this complex mother-son relationship rather than
focusing on solving the murder case. The two differing point of views set the mother in both positive
and negative lights, something which the author would have much more difficulty in doing using just
one point of view. In a way one could say that through this unconventional method of using two point of
views, Trevor is giving us an example of a mother who is seemingly perceived as typical from a glance
from a distance, but once we take a closer look at her thoughts, actions and reactions to her son’s
activities do we realize that she is not typical after all. Thus, it is the narrator’s change in point of view to
third person limited that helps us take that closer look of the mother and change our impression of her
at the end.
“Gilbert’s Mother” is a story that makes us think a bit more about the mother-son relationship.
Although we associate the mother being a bit harsh in nature in the end of story, does it necessarily
make her a bad person? If we consider the mother to not have any psychological problems, then all of
40 | P a g e
her actions and thoughts are generated from her love for Gilbert. Can we blame her for loving her son
too much then? Effectively, the mother’s thoughts towards Gilbert are not really affecting Gilbert’s role
in the crime. If he is truly guilty, then it is the rule of law and justice of the state that will handle the
crime scene. As far as the mother goes, she has the right to think whatever she wants to about her son.
The mother would never intentionally want to harm her son. The feelings a mother has for their child is
indefinable and no other person can question or judge it.
41 | P a g e
Self-Assessment 3
The most significant improvement in my writing after finishing Essay 2 is my ability to
use evidence. Compared to my use of evidence and explication in Essay 1, there is a dramatic
improvement which can be seen in Essay 2. I don’t drop quotes anymore and expect people
who read it to understand them straight away. I can now look at some specific points in the
textual evidence that I am using and explain its significance in a manner which furthers my
argument. I feel that this is a great attribute that I have picked up now and my arguments in
Essay 2 look to be much stronger than the ones proposed in Essay 1 due to better usage of
evidence and proper explication.
There has also been considerable improvement in the consequence and the claim
components of the essay. Although my claim seemed weak initially in the Essay 2 Conference
Draft, I made some major changes and was able to turn it around and make the new claim, in
the Essay 2 Peer Response Draft, more specific. It helped me narrow down my focus for the rest
of the essay, which proved to be fruitful as the essay had a much better flow this time around.
There are still a few issues which I still need to work on. I found it a bit difficult to bring
in that third source and compare it to the story my argument was based on. I think I brought
that source in later, and I possibly could have introduced it much earlier in the essay and refer
to it throughout. Furthermore, I think I can further improve on the ‘So What?’ aspect of
argumentative essay writing. It is possibly one of the most essential components of an essay
which can sway someone reading it towards the direction of your argument. Writing a concrete
and persuasive ‘So What?’ to the claim will be my primary focus for Essay 3.
42 | P a g e
Essay 3
43 | P a g e
Essay 3 Workshop Draft
Varying Diction in Fiction to Distinguish Culture
Style and voice are two essential elements of story writing. Even when we read stories,
sometimes the author’s narration can be perceived as if we are hearing the words. Adam Sexton, a
teacher of fiction writing in his book “Master Class in Fiction Writing” dedicates a chapter on how
writers can use various techniques to present these auditory effects. He argues that although many
writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. This essay
will focus on only one of the aspects of style, the writer’s diction. We see the influence of the author’s
choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’ written by John Edgar
Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a girl of black ethnicity, Kendra, who from claiming to be a victim of racism in
a predominantly white college campus ends up as the culprit. Upon reading the story gives one the
feeling that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s
perspective. The presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency and makes it confusing and hard to
follow the story. Many can find it too offsetting and lose interest to complete the story all together.
However, those who do read to the end realize that the author deliberately uses more than one voice to
make it more realistic in terms of the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of
voices brings out the distinct cultural differences between the black and white communities in America.
Let us look at what Sexton tells us about style and voice in his essay. “Voice stands for the voice
that you hear in your head as you read, the sound of the story.” (Sexton Pg 181) He calls voice an
“illusion” (Pg 182). It is an illusion because we never actually ‘hear’ what the author writes. Even when
we read out aloud a story, it is our own voice that we hear. This is where the concept of voice becomes
hard to control, since we can read it whichever we want to. Here, Sexton interjects the role of style into
44 | P a g e
how we read and ‘hear’ the story. Sexton writes, “Style, in turn, consists of the choices a writer makes,
in the act of writing, related to the presentation of the material rather the material itself.” (Pg 182) Thus,
it is through the style that the author tries to bring out the voice of the story. Diction, the author’s
choice of words plays an influential role in our apprehension of the story. Various aspects of word choice
from the origin of the word, its cultural affiliation and context it is used in ultimately affects the voice of
the narration.
Now that the distinction between style and voice has been made, we can consider how there
are multiple voices present in ‘Signs’. The story starts off with an extended metaphor which goes “Fox
quick on thin, giddy coyote legs is what she thinks watching on a nature special this bizarre, lean-
muzzled aardwolf claw open a termite mound and lap up with its long, curly tongue hundreds of
scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching
nature show on television. The use of words here such as ‘scampering’ and ‘claw’ are ones that we
would associate with the movement of insects, so it fits in perfectly with the scene. It is a distinct voice
we can hear, similar to the one the narrator of the documentary shown on television. In other words,
the voice would seem monotonous and spoken in a soft, consistent tone. However, this voice does not
last long and Kendra introduces us to her aunts, who speak in their native black dialect. “G’wan, Bell.
She ain’t no child no more. This a grown woman you’re addressing. Been halfway round the world and
back. More good sense in her pretty little toe than you got in your whole roly-poly self.” (Pg 76) The
diction used here is quite different from the previous instance. The words “ain’t no child no more” show
that strong native dialect as it does not follow the rules of grammar. The voice does bring out that
colloquial sense of her speech. Even the word ‘roly-poly’ is one which you would not hear on a regular
basis and pertains only to that an elderly person of the black community would use. Thus, by coming
across three pages into the story we are already ‘hearing’ two distinct voices, which both serve their
purposes in terms on context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when
45 | P a g e
Kendra is speaking to one of her Professors. She says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re saying
must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I read
Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of words
I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one would
hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial sense,
but correct in grammar. Although Kendra comes from same native black background like her aunts, her
voice when speaking to her Professor is not of their dialect.
It is now evident that there are three separate voices which seem to operate in the story and
take their place depending on the context of the event of the story. The change is sometime sudden,
which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this when the black students
congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism. “Ain’t but one issue. Get the
cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in J.V. football in that jive prep
school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s
act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93) Again, similar to the Aunts, the
black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to make sense out of the
conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author does his best to bring
out the reality and puts us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such
as ‘cracker’ and ‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such
as ‘aggressive’ or ‘strong’. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us really ‘hear’ the
word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the meeting. Therefore,
it serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from the rest and also giving us
a vivid impression of their voice of speech.
46 | P a g e
Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” is a modern classic set in South Korea. The story revolves an
American widow who comes to a resort to recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local waiter
who is grieving the recent death of his brother. Here we have two characters from starkly different
backgrounds and cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances
when Jim speaks in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It
takes no longer than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the
American widow on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. She later interjects her husband
into the conversation, “My husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over
there.” (Yoon Pg 9) None of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of
the story. One would assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different
from that of the American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying
diction used makes it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.
Sexton does not tell us about the implications of a story possessing multiple voices. He does
however emphasize the importance of having “your own voice on the page” (Sexton Pg 191). He goes on
discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the story.
This advice from Sexton correlates Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s character.
The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and the other
black students in the meeting to speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read her in a
voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of Kendra’s letter
to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due to skin color.
“A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern snacks. Or blank
squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.” (Wideman Pg 89)
The style in which she is writing to her mother is similar to the diction she uses when speaking to her
Professor shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students, Kendra uses ‘with’. She
47 | P a g e
seems to have a consistent voice regardless to who she is speaking to, whether it is to her mother or
other white people of her university community.
The use of multiple voices really does alter the way in which we perceive the story. This
distinction becomes clear once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” take effect. In
“Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the characters
are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect between the black and
white communities are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the voices. Imagine if the
Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and not switch the style at
all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal and realistic touch that it does now. The other
implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their ethnic
voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to show that
it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in receiving
end of the countless racist attacks. Thus, by varying the voices, Wideman also portrays the true colors of
racism that was present at the time he wrote this story.
Word Count: 1,862 words
48 | P a g e
Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes
Essay 3 Workshop Draft Notes
- Consequence not concrete enough. What are we misunderstanding from the story? Can we argue
what we find confusing? We need a consequence which is tied to the story.
- If we don’t see the author even use those multiple voices, how do we read the story? (Should be
the consequence)
- In claim, take out ‘realistic’ from claim
- So what? = seems more like a conclusion now. Should indicate what the change of voice
- In a deeper sense, the use of multiple voices allows us to convey the idea.
- The distinct voices are the cause of the racism in America.
- Write about second story in the intro
- How does the use of multiple voices allow Wideman to imply the way we perceive the story?
- Story ends peacefully in Once the Shore. Does not end peacefully for Signs. Introduce Once the
Shore a bit more clearly.
- Lack of multiple voices would lead to peace otherwise.
- Order of Essay should be:
1) Definitions
2) Once The Shore – one voice
3) Signs – one voice (Opposition)
4) Consequence (internal conflict)
5) Signs – multiple voices
6) So what? What Wideman achieves through that (external conflict – the cause of racism)
7) Conclusion
Other comments:
- Clarify the story summary in the intro
- Once The Shore quotations are not explicated well enough. Label the style and then show how it
remains consistent throughout the rest of the story (simple sentences (there is a definition to that),
easy to read, sense of calmness) Diction is dramatic vs. Latinate diction. Latin words usually have
more syllables and some are more abstract. Just show the narrative voice is the same throughout.
- Don’t compare narrative to dialogue. Best section to use is what happens in the meeting, Kendra’s
voice and then the aunts voice. Show significant diction choice.
- Divisions within the black community itself are somewhat the cause of racism.
49 | P a g e
Essay 3 Workshop Draft Comments
I really like what you’re writing about and the way you write. Your observations and ideas are very
interesting. You just need to edit this a little bit more (especially your intro) and it will be AWESOME.
Good job!
- Paolo Velez
I really like the content of your essay and your writing style, however I think you could set up more of a
comparison between the two stories you have used. This needs to be brought in right from the
introduction. While I understand that your main focus seems to be on ‘Signs’, ‘Once the Shore’ definitely
needs more explication and comparison with the former
- Vijayta Narang
There is no consequence, or no recognizable consequence. This is because you have a subjective issue
that blocks you from having a concrete idea. ‘Once the Shore’ seems dangling with the essay. It would
have been better if you had introduced it prior. Also, balance the two stories. Be clear why you are using
‘Signs’ and why you are using ‘Once the Shore’ and give a connection between these two to further
relate these two examples to your claim. Your main sentences of the paragraphs tend to merely state
facts. Try to sum up what you will say in that paragraph.
- Julie
First of all, good paper! The topic you are writing your essay is extremely well chosen. Maybe include a
paragraph which you explain how the short story ‘Signs’ would have been perceived if the use of
multiple voices had been absent � main theme of racism in America would not be revealed as clearly.
You probably also need an opposition paragraph.
- Moritz Franz
I love your explication. Need a consequence paragraph and you need to outline your problem more
clearly in your intro. Topic sentences need to be your reasons!
- Maggie Baker
50 | P a g e
Essay 3 Peer Response Draft
Varying Diction in Fiction to Distinguish Culture
Style and voice are two essential elements of story writing. Even when we read stories,
sometimes the author’s narration can be perceived as if we are hearing the words. Adam Sexton, a
teacher of fiction writing in his book “Master Class in Fiction Writing” dedicates a chapter on how
writers can use various techniques to present these auditory effects. He argues that although many
writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. We see the
influence of the author’s choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’
written by John Edgar Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a girl of black ethnicity, Kendra, who from claims to be
a victim of racism in a predominantly white college campus. Upon reading the story gives one the feeling
that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s perspective. The
presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency in style throughout the story. It is of stark contrast to
Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore”, a story revolves that revolves American widow who comes to a resort to
recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local Korean waiter who is grieving the recent death of his
brother. Although the characters come from different backgrounds in “Once The Shore”, the author
narrates in one voice. Wideman on the other hand, deliberately uses more than one voice to show us
the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of voices allows Wideman to convey
the idea of the distinct cultural differences between the black and white communities in America.
Let us look at what Sexton tells us about style and voice in his essay. “Voice stands for the voice
that you hear in your head as you read, the sound of the story.” (Sexton Pg 181) He calls voice an
“illusion” (Pg 182). It is an illusion because we never actually ‘hear’ what the author writes. Even when
we read out aloud a story, it is our own voice that we hear. This is where the concept of voice becomes
51 | P a g e
hard to control, since we can read it whichever we want to. Here, Sexton interjects the role of style into
how we read and ‘hear’ the story. Sexton writes, “Style, in turn, consists of the choices a writer makes,
in the act of writing, related to the presentation of the material rather the material itself.” (Pg 182) Thus,
it is through the style that the author tries to bring out the voice of the story. Diction, the author’s
choice of words plays an influential role in our apprehension of the story. Various aspects of word choice
from the origin of the word, its cultural affiliation and context it is used in ultimately affects the voice of
the narration.
Now that the distinction between style and voice has been made, we can consider how there
are multiple voices present in ‘Signs’. The story starts off with an extended metaphor which goes “Fox
quick on thin, giddy coyote legs is what she thinks watching on a nature special this bizarre, lean-
muzzled aardwolf claw open a termite mound and lap up with its long, curly tongue hundreds of
scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching
nature show on television. The use of words here such as ‘scampering’ and ‘claw’ are ones that we
would associate with the movement of insects, so it fits in perfectly with the scene. It is a distinct voice
we can hear, similar to the one the narrator of the documentary shown on television. In other words,
the voice would seem monotonous and spoken in a soft, consistent tone. However, this voice does not
last long and Kendra introduces us to her aunts, who speak in their native black dialect. “G’wan, Bell.
She ain’t no child no more. This a grown woman you’re addressing. Been halfway round the world and
back. More good sense in her pretty little toe than you got in your whole roly-poly self.” (Pg 76) The
diction used here is quite different from the previous instance. The words “ain’t no child no more” show
that strong native dialect as it does not follow the rules of grammar. The voice does bring out that
colloquial sense of her speech. Even the word ‘roly-poly’ is one which you would not hear on a regular
basis and pertains only to that an elderly person of the black community would use. Thus, by coming
across three pages into the story we are already ‘hearing’ two distinct voices, which both serve their
52 | P a g e
purposes in terms on context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when
Kendra is speaking to one of her Professors. She says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re saying
must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I read
Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of words
I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one would
hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial sense,
but correct in grammar. Although Kendra comes from same native black background like her aunts, her
voice when speaking to her Professor is not of their dialect.
In Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” we have two characters from different backgrounds and
cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances when Jim speaks
in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It takes no longer
than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the American widow
on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. It is a simple sentence where there is no dramatic
emphasis on any of the words used. She later interjects her husband into the conversation, “My
husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over there.” (Yoon Pg 9) Notice
even this sentence is quite easy to ready and there is a sense of calmness persisting in the voice. None
of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of the story. One would
assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different from that of the
American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying diction used makes
it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.
Turning our attention back to “Signs” we now know that there are three separate voices which
seem to operate in the story and take their place depending on the context of the event of the story.
The change is sometime sudden, which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this
53 | P a g e
when the black students congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism.
“Ain’t but one issue. Get the cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in
J.V. football in that jive prep school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare
hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93)
Again, similar to the Aunts, the black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to
make sense out of the conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author
does his best to put us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such as
‘cracker’ and ‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such as
‘aggressive’ or ‘strong’. This is where we can see the difference in “Once The Shore” where that
difference in cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one
voice and that of the black students. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally
distinct emotions through just one voice. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us
really ‘hear’ the word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the
meeting. Therefore, it serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from the
rest and also giving us a vivid impression of their voice of speech.
Sexton does not tell us about the implications of a story possessing multiple voices. He does
however emphasize the importance of having “your own voice on the page” (Sexton Pg 191). He goes on
discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the story.
This advice from Sexton correlates Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s character.
The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and the other
black students in the meeting to speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read her in a
voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of Kendra’s letter
to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due to skin color.
“A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern snacks. Or blank
54 | P a g e
squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.” (Wideman Pg 89)
The style in which she is writing to her mother is similar to the diction she uses when speaking to her
Professor shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students, Kendra uses ‘with’. She
seems to have a consistent voice regardless to who she is speaking to, whether it is to her mother or
other white people of her university community.
The use of multiple voices really does alter the way in which we perceive the story. This
distinction becomes conspicuous once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” takes
effect. In “Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the
characters are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect within the
black community and the white community are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the
voices. Imagine if the Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and
not switch the style at all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal touch that it does now.
The other implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their
ethnic voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to
show that it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in
receiving end of the countless racist attacks. Even by varying the voices even within the black
community, Wideman poses the thought whether it is the divisions and differences between the black
community itself which is the cause of racism in the first place.
Word Count: 1,933 words
55 | P a g e
Essay 3 Peer Response Draft Comments
General Notes by Quinn:
- In your fourth body paragraph I think you are trying to say that the different voices actually reveal /
indicate different ethnic or cultural backgrounds. Tell this to us in the topic sentence
- I know you don’t add them until your final drafts but don’t forget your So What? Paragraph
General Notes by Julie:
- You are trying to explain and show many different voices at once! I think it would be much better to
divide up those distinct voices and cut this paragraph in to two or three however you like. But this
paragraph is bit too long because it contains so much idea. It will be clear and easier for you to
prove your point when you cut this up.
- For me, background and culture seems redundant. If you are trying to say something else, try to be
specific about what ‘background’ you are arguing for.
- The consequence and so what needs to be directly oppose to each other as you know, however, I
could not find the direct opposition when compared to your so what. Perhaps you can further
develop so what and have an opposition of that very idea in your consequence.
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Essay 3 Final Draft
Varying Diction in Fiction to Distinguish Culture
Style and voice are two essential elements of story writing. Even when we read stories,
sometimes the author’s narration can be perceived as if we are hearing the words. Adam Sexton, a
teacher of fiction writing in his book “Master Class in Fiction Writing” dedicates a chapter on how
writers can use various techniques to present these auditory effects. He argues that although many
writers view style and voice as effectively the same, they are in fact distinct from each other. We see the
influence of the author’s choice of words and the ‘voice’ that arises from it in the short story ‘Signs’
written by John Edgar Wideman. ‘Signs’ is about a woman of black ethnicity, Kendra, who claims to be a
victim of racism in a predominantly white college campus. Upon reading the story gives one the feeling
that there is more than one voice narrating the story even though we only see Kendra’s perspective. The
presence of multiple voices leads to inconsistency in style throughout the story. It is of stark contrast to
Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore”, a story that revolves around an American widow who comes to a resort
to recollect memories of her husband and Jim, a local Korean waiter who is grieving the recent death of
his brother. Although the characters come from different backgrounds in “Once The Shore”, the author
narrates in one voice. Wideman on the other hand, deliberately uses more than one voice to show us
the cultural dialects present. In a deeper sense, the use of multiple of voices allows Wideman to convey
the idea of the distinct cultural differences and divides within the black community and between the
black and white communities, leading to racism in America.
Let us look at what Sexton tells us about style and voice in his essay. “Voice stands for the voice
that you hear in your head as you read, the sound of the story.” (Sexton Pg 181) He calls voice an
“illusion” (Pg 182). It is an illusion because we never actually ‘hear’ what the author writes. Even when
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we read out aloud a story, it is our own voice that we hear. This is where the concept of voice becomes
hard to control, since we can read it whichever we want to. Here, Sexton interjects the role of style into
how we read and ‘hear’ the story. Sexton writes, “Style, in turn, consists of the choices a writer makes,
in the act of writing, related to the presentation of the material rather the material itself.” (Pg 182) Thus,
it is through the style that the author tries to bring out the voice of the story. Diction, the author’s
choice of words plays an influential role in our apprehension of the story. Various aspects of word choice
from the origin of the word, its cultural affiliation and context it is used in ultimately affects the voice of
the narration.
Now that the distinction between style and voice has been made, we can consider how there
are multiple voices present in ‘Signs’. The story starts off with an extended metaphor which goes “Fox
quick on thin, giddy coyote legs is what she thinks watching on a nature special this bizarre, lean-
muzzled aardwolf claw open a termite mound and lap up with its long, curly tongue hundreds of
scampering black bugs.” (Wideman Pg 74) This is the description the narrator gives us upon watching a
nature show on television. The use of words here such as ‘scampering’ and ‘claw’ are ones that we
would associate with the movement of insects, so it fits in perfectly with the scene. It is a distinct voice
we can hear, similar to the one the narrator of the documentary shown on television. In other words,
the voice would seem monotonous and spoken in a soft, consistent tone. However, this voice does not
last long and Kendra introduces us to her aunts, who speak in their native black dialect. “G’wan, Bell.
She ain’t no child no more. This a grown woman you’re addressing. Been halfway round the world and
back. More good sense in her pretty little toe than you got in your whole roly-poly self.” (Pg 76) The
diction used here is quite different from the previous instance. The words “ain’t no child no more” show
that strong native dialect as it does not follow the rules of grammar. The voice does bring out that
colloquial sense of her speech. Even the word ‘roly-poly’ is one which you would not hear on a regular
basis and pertains only to that an elderly person of the black community would use. Thus, by coming
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across three pages into the story we are already ‘hearing’ two distinct voices, which both serve their
purposes in terms of context. That’s not all, as we come across a third voice a bit later in the story when
one of the white students is speaking to Kendra. He says “I’m sorry Professor Crawley, what you’re
saying must be true but when I read Milton it’s just words. I’d never think about President Reagan if I
read Paradise Lost a hundred times. I don’t think about anything. It’s just words, words, words. Piles of
words I don’t understand and never will.” (Pg 78) In this incident, the words used are more of what one
would hear on a regular basis and do not adhere to any specific regional dialect. It is still in the colloquial
sense, but correct in grammar. Thus, the voice we ‘hear’ from the white student is quite different from
what we would associate with that of the aunt.
In Paul Yoon’s “Once The Shore” we have two characters from different backgrounds and
cultures, yet the author keeps the narration in one uniform voice. In the few instances when Jim speaks
in the story, the diction used is similar to that of when the American widow speaks. “It takes no longer
than an hour to get from here to anywhere.” (Yoon Pg 9) Jim replies upon asked by the American widow
on the time it would take to a place she wants to visit. It is a simple sentence where there is no dramatic
emphasis on any of the words used. She later interjects her husband into the conversation, “My
husband. He was here, you know. Many years ago. Not here exactly, but over there.” (Yoon Pg 9) Notice
even this sentence is quite easy to ready and there is a sense of calmness persisting in the voice. None
of the choice of words here can be distinguished differently from the rest of the story. One would
assume that since he is of Korean origin, his English would sound a bit different from that of the
American. Yet, the voice is so consistent that the way they speak, and the unvarying diction used makes
it difficult for us to ‘hear’ their two voices differently.
Turning our attention back to “Signs” we now know that there are three separate voices which
seem to operate in the story and take their place depending on the context of the event of the story.
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The change is sometime sudden, which is why it can seem unsettling and a bit offsetting. We realize this
when the black students congregate for a meeting in order to discuss Kendra’s allegations of racism.
“Ain’t but one issue. Get the cracker’s off the sister’s back. Hey, macho man. We know you lettered in
J.V. football in that jive prep school in Vermont. We know you can whip tons of crackers wit your bare
hands. But hold on, dude. Let’s act not react. Let’s go in wit a total program, you dig.” (Wideman Pg 93)
Again, similar to the Aunts, the black students here speak in their cultural dialect. It is quite difficult to
make sense out of the conversation since we do not get the sense of who is speaking when. The author
does his best to put us right into the scene of their meeting. That is why Wideman uses diction such as
‘macho man’ to describe physical toughness rather than referring them with words such as ‘aggressive’
or ‘strong’. Compare this to when the dean of the university, who is white, speaks to Kendra after she
lodges a complaint over the numerous racist attacks on her. The dean says, “Of course you have my
deepest sympathy. I’ve never understood people who do those kinds of things. Yet they’ve always been
with us. Whether we like it or not, we can’t legislate change in people’s hearts.” (Wideman Pg 85) The
point to notice here is that both the dean and black students are addressing Kendra’s problem but their
choice of diction is so different. The dean uses words like ‘legislate’, which you wouldn’t expect the
black student to use whereas the black student discusses the option to ‘whip tons of crackers’. It is
understandable that the dean would use more sophisticated words to uphold his position, but
nevertheless it brings out the unsettling change in voice between the black and white characters in the
story. This difference becomes more prominent if we contrast it with “Once The Shore” where that
difference in cultural dialect is not imminent. Imagine if the whole narration in “Signs” was done in one
voice and that of the dean. Wideman would not have been able to show the various culturally distinct
dialogues through just one voice. The fact that the author uses ‘wit’ instead of ‘with’ makes us really
‘hear’ the word exactly the way it is pronounced. It makes us feel like we are right there in the meeting
of the black students. The effect might not have been the same if Wideman had used the voice of the
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dean to show us the dialogue that was taking place in the black students meeting. Therefore, the
presence of multiple voices serves a double purpose, of distinguishing the black community dialect from
the rest and also giving us a vivid impression of their voice of speech.
Sexton does not tell us about the implications of a story possessing multiple voices. He does
however emphasize the importance of having “your own voice on the page” (Sexton Pg 191). He goes on
to discuss a “default-setting” of the writer’s style and voice which will flow naturally throughout the
story. This advice from Sexton correlates with Wideman’s use of voice, especially in portraying Kendra’s
character. The author shows the other characters from the black community such as Kendra’s aunt and
the other black students in the meeting speak in their native dialects. In Kendra’s case, we seem to read
her in a voice that is not like the other black people at all. The following is an excerpt from one of
Kendra’s letter to her mother where she tells her about her frustrations at others discriminating her due
to skin color. “A date. Date, Mother? Dates are those sickly sweet sticky gooey gritty middle-eastern
snacks. Or blank squares on a calendar. Or when a paper or a baby is due. Due date. With whom. Why.”
(Wideman Pg 89) The style in which Kendra is writing to her mother is similar to the diction when the
white student was speaking to her shown earlier. Instead of using ‘wit’ like the other black students,
Kendra uses ‘with’. She seems to have a consistent voice regardless of who she is speaking to, whether it
is to her mother or other white people of her university community.
The use of multiple voices really does alter the way in which we perceive the story. This
distinction becomes conspicuous once the comparison between “Once the Shore” and “Signs” takes
effect. In “Once The Shore”, the presence of one voice limits us into hearing one voice even though the
characters are from vastly different backgrounds. Whereas in “Signs”, the change in dialect within the
black community and the white community are clear through the use of diction vibrating through the
voices. Imagine if Wideman in “Signs” decided to take Yoon’s route and just stick to one voice and not
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switch the style at all. The story would certainly not carry the same personal touch that it does now. The
other implication of the change in voice is that all the black characters are personified through their
ethnic voices, Kendra’s is not. Yet, it is Kendra of all who is the victim of racism in “Signs”. It goes to
show that it was not her activities, or her speech, but merely her skin color that was at fault for being in
receiving end of the countless racist attacks. Even by varying the voices even within the black
community, Wideman poses the thought whether it is the divisions and differences between the black
community itself which is the cause of racism in the first place.
Racism still persists in the world today, and there is still much debate as to the causes of it. For
the purposes of the essay, could one say that the difference in cultural dialects leads to racism? Maybe
not directly, but it certainly plays a role. It is the dialect and the way we speak which often portrays our
cultural identity, and it is differences between these cultural identities which often results in racism.
Does that mean that by eliminating the various dialects we reduce the effects of racism? We don’t
know. However, no one should be forced to speak a way just because it is not the correct way of saying
it. Who is to say that it is not ‘correct’ in the first place? One way to look at it is that our dialect and the
words we use derive from our heritage and in a way, it defines us. Instead our focus should be on
appreciating these various dialects in which the English language is spoken in rather than judging and
segregating people based on the way they speak.
Word Count: 2319 words
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References
1) Master Class in Fiction Writing, by Adam Sexton (ISBN: 978-0071448772)
2) Mlle. Dias De Corta, by Mavis Gallant
3) Gilbert’s Mother, by William Trevor
4) Getting In and Getting Out, by Debra Spark
5) Signs, by John Edgar Wideman
6) Once the Shore, by Paul Yoon
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