xp days germany 2010 feedback
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
The Power of Feedback
Page 1
What comes around goes around –
The Power of Feedback
Dr. Ralph Miarka Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Communication Chain
Page 2 http://www.reticon.de/db/news/Image/topnews_whispering.jpg
A common (likely apocryphal) story in the UK is of a general who sent the message "Send reinforcements, we are going to advance" back to HQ. After passing through many intermediaries it finally arrived as "Send three and four-pence, we are going to a dance".
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Sender – Receiver – Model of Communication
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Disruptions Perceived Meaning
Intended Meaning
A’s Reality B’s Reality
Shared Space
Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Four levels of communication by Friedemann Schulz von Thun
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Send (man) There is something green. I don't know what it is.
You should know what it is. Tell me what it is!
Four levels of communication - Example
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A man (first sender of the news) and a woman (first receiver of the message) are eating a home-cooked meal together.
The man says: "There is something green in the soup."
Received (woman) There is something green. You do not know what the green item is, and that makes you feel uncomfortable. You think my cooking is questionable. I should only cook what you know in the future!
The woman answers: "If you don't like the taste, you can cook it yourself."
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Exercise on four levels of communication
In pairs,
Please pick one of the following sentences, say it and listen,
Identify the four levels of communication that are in there.
• The traffic light is green. => Do you want to drive? • The build is broken. => Why me? • Let’s pair program. => Figure it out yourself. • It's 5pm. => Leave me alone.
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Tower of Babble
Build the tallest tower you can using ONLY pipe-cleaners
No other materials
It must be free-standing on the floor, without other support
Page 7
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss Page 8
Feedback
I don't know what I said, until I hear the answer to it – Paul Watzlawick
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Goals of the Sender
Inform the receiver about
• how certain behavior is perceived and what it means to the sender
• needs and feelings so that the receiver can better take care of it without relying only on assumptions
• desired changes in behavior to ease future cooperation
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Benefit for the Receiver
Page 10 By JOseph Luft and HArry Ingham
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Personal or factual feedback – Distinguish!
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Personality – ex. punctuality longer-term change process
A “thing” – ex. meeting Short(er)-term change process
Personal Factual
Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message
Don’t mix both in one feedback conversation
Let’s talk about this meeting
Let’s talk about your punctuality
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Providing Feedback
Example
Describe as precisely as possible what you observed in the
particular situation. What did you see and hear? What happened
exactly?
Effect
Describe how you personally experienced the situation.
What did you think and feel? What was your reaction?
Change
Make a wish, how he or she could behave differently in that
situation from your perspective.
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Providing Feedback
Example
“Darling, thank you for cooking today. I noticed that there is something
green in the soup.”
Effect
“I don’t know what it is. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t
like basil and I’m afraid it is basil. Could you please tell me what it is?”
Change
“I appreciate you cooking for us. However, there are things I don’t like.
Could we talk about meals beforehand?”
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss Page 14
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Rules of Feedback – for the Sender
Page 15
Welcomed • Wanted • Good • Relaxed
Descriptive and precise • What, when, specific • Don’t evaluate, focus • “I” – messages
Helpful • Learn • Improve • Realistic
Timely • Immediate • Often • Regularly
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Rules of Feedback – for the Sender
Welcomed
• Feedback needs to be welcomed by the receiver
• It should be good so the receiver wants more of it
• Provide a relaxed atmosphere
• It is more effective when the receiver wants to learn something about him/her-self
• Please ask whether feedback is wanted, e.g. “In the situation X I noticed…, do you wish my feedback?”
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Rules of Feedback – for the Sender
Descriptive and precise
• Describe concisely what you saw or heard, i.e. observed,
• don’t evaluate, judge or interpret it (“bad”, “good”, “right”, “wrong”).
• If possible start with something positive about the situation.
• To introduce critique use “and” instead of “but”.
• It is subjective, thus use “I” messages – not: “one”, “we”, “it”, “you”
• Remain specific, don’t generalize (“always”, “never”, …)
• Focus, don’t start a character analysis
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Rules of Feedback – for the Sender
Helpful
• The receiver should learn something that can help him/her to improve.
• Provide suggestions for improvements (“goal statement”), instead of just saying “Please change” and, if needed, provide strategies
• It should be realistic, i.e. possible to change.
Timely
• Rather immediately than late – fresh in the mind, not forgotten, less change in perception, reduction of destructive behavior early
• Provide it often and regularly
Page 18
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Guidelines of Feedback – for the Receiver
• Good feedback is a gift – please value it
• Listen thankfully and with the desire to learn
• Take it as it is and don’t justify yourself or attack the feedback provider
• Listen actively – open questions are permitted, like “When did this happen?”, “What exactly do you mean?”
• Thank the feedback provider for the feedback
• To accept feedback is voluntary – give yourself time to reflect and decide of what to accept and which actions to set
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Exercise 3x3 min
• Sender to give feedback
• Receiver to receive feedback
• One person as observer
• Sender: provide feedback about some situation during this course
where you worked together – apply the discussed rules
• Receiver: listen!!!, accept feedback, ask clarifying questions
• Observer: monitor the rules, provide feedback on the feedback
round to both sender and receiver
• Change roles after 3 minutes
S
OB
R
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Appreciation
• Appreciate whole-heartedly and remain truthfully
• Assume positive intend (Prime directive)
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Shower of Appreciation
In groups of three, two people face each other in the back of the third person for 1 minute, say only positive things about the third person, never reduce/devalue anything that was said
(I ran this exercise also with 3 minutes rounds, people then need to know each other for some time)
1 min
Attributed to E•S•B•A, European Systemic Business Academy, Vienna; Participated in this during my Coaching Intensive Training
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Influencers of communication
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Psycho and physical conditions
Situation
Intention
Tactics
Channel
Social Role
Fact
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Group creation: Factors affecting communication
• unclear or incomplete messages • jargon or words with multiple interpretations • disabilities and other impediments • age, gender or sexual orientation • relative status or respect for the sender • lack of empathy or concern • stereotyping or prejudice • conditions or distance • quality and bandwidth of the communication channel • lack of time or other pressing priorities • poor spelling or inaccurate sentence structure • personality traits and levels of education
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http://orglearn.org/career_success_blog/tag/factors-affecting-communication/
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne)
Komplementär Transaktionen
Überkreuz Transaktionen
Wenn Reiz und Reaktion sich im El-Er-K - Schema überkreuzen, wird die Kommunikation unterbrochen.
Wenn Reiz und Reaktion im El-Er-K-Transaktions-Schema auf parallelen Linien verlaufen, dann ist die Transaktion komplementär (d.h. sie ergänzt sich selbst immer wieder von neuem) und kann endlos weitergehen.
Eltern-Ich
Erwachsenen-Ich
Kind-Ich
http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml
A: "Ich möchte Sie über den Termin der nächsten Sitzung informieren. Sie findet am Freitag um 17.00 Uhr statt.“ (Erwachsenen-Ich fragt Erwachsenen-Ich) B: "Vielen Dank, das werde ich mir gleich notieren.“ (Erwachsenen-Ich antwortet Erwachsenen-Ich)
A: "Sag mal, musst du dich immer so benehmen?“ (Eltern-Ich fragt Kind-Ich) B: "Ich benehme mich wie ich will." (Kind-Ich antwortet Eltern-Ich)
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne) – Indizien für die Ich
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Indizien des Eltern-Ich
Da sich häufig besondere Eigenarten der Eltern im Eltern-Ich eines Menschen manifestieren, können die körperlichen Indizien sehr unterschiedlich sein. Nichtsdesto-weniger kann man allgemeine Tendenzen ausmachen. So führt Harris in einer Liste mit Indizien für das Eltern-Ich z.B. einem anderen den Kopf tätscheln, Stirnfalten oder Händeringen an.
Zu den sprachlichen Indizien zählen vor allem wertende Urteile über andere Menschen, die automatisch ohne Überlegung ausgesprochen werden.
Allgemeiner kann man sagen, dass unreflektierte klischeehafte Äußerungen sowie Vorurteile als Indizien des Eltern-Ich anzusehen sind. Passivität und die Befolgung von Regeln sind weitere Indizien.
Indizien des Kindheits-Ich
Zu den körperlichen Indizien zählen hier vor allem die Gefühlsäußerungen jeder Art, da diese einen großen Teil der Aufzeichnungen des Kindheits-Ich ausmachen.
Als sprachliche Anhaltspunkte gelten insbesondere Adjektive, die über emotionale Zustände Auskunft geben wie traurig, glücklich etc. sowie z.B. Ich will, Ich wünsche oder Wenn ich groß bin... .
Superlative entspringen ebenfalls meist dem Kindheits-Ich. Sie erwachsen dem Bedürfnis des Kindes, durch Überlegenheitsbekundungen gegenüber anderen, das eigene "Ich bin nicht o.k." zu kompensieren.
Indizien des Erwachsenen-Ich
Personen, deren Erwachsenen-Ich die Führung übernommen hat, fallen durch besonders aufmerksames Zuhören während einer Transaktion auf. Ihr Gesicht ist offen und direkt dem Gesprächspartner zugewandt.
Auch in ihrer Sprache stechen Wörter die vorrangig der Informationsfindung dienen hervor, wie z.B. was, wo, wie, warum und so weiter.
Das Erwachsenen-Ich äußert sich nur, nachdem es nachgedacht hat. Wertungen die von ihm vorgenommen werden, sind reflektiert und enthalten eine innere Logik.
http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml
Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
References
• Business Communications, Online: www.bized.co.uk/educators/level2/comms/activity/buscomms12.htm
• Communication Model, Online: www.pirate.shu.edu/˜yatesdan/Tutorial.htm
• Books: Friedemann Schulz von Thun, Miteinander Reden 1-3.
• Online: http://annellchen.wordpress.com/2009/04/27/miteinander-reden-schulz-von-thun/
• Four sides model, Online: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_sides_model, last modified on 26 January 2010
• Carl Benedict, Johari Window: A Tool for Understanding Self, Serenity Online Therapy, 2005- 2010. Online: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/johariwindow.htm
• Online: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Other Resources - FEEDBACK
Deutsch:
Book: Paul Watzlawick: Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit?
Book: V. F. Birkenbihl: Kommunikationstraining – Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen erfolgreich gestalten
Link: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Feedback.shtml
English: Perspectives: http://managementhelp.org/commskls/feedback/feedback.htm
Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/feedback
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Other Resources - APPRECIATION
How and why to run Appreciation Exercises
http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/07/appreciate.html
http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/08/recognition-gap.html
http://cwd.dhemery.com/2004/08/appreciation
Exercises
Book: Jean Tabaka, Collaboration Explained, Ch. 16. Visioning, Retrospection, & Other Approaches
Book: Diana Larsen and Esther Derby, Agile Retrospectives
Book: Norman Kerth, Project Retrospectives: A Handbook for Team Reviews
Excerpt: Norman Kerth, http://www.retrospectives.com/pages/Anatomy.html
http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?art_id=205
Appreciative Inquiry
What is it? http://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/intro/whatisai.cfm
Book: Sue Annis Hammond, Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry (2nd edition)
Book: Diana Witney et al, Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of
Your Team
Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/appreciativeinquiry
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
When to ask „Why“
The danger of „Why“
• Might be felt as personal attack (why did you)
• Looks backwards, not forward
The power of „Why“
• Helps to determine root-causes (5 Why’s)
So, ask “Why” when you need to find the root-cause of something (typically technical) but not so much in personal situations
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Nov-2010 For internal use only
XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
Dr. Ralph Miarka, E-Mail: ralph@miarka.de, Vienna, AT
Coach, Consultant, Trainer for agile Software Development and Workshop Facilitator
Thank you for your participation! Yours…
Deborah Hartmann Preuss, E-Mail: deb@deborahpreuss.com, Karlsruhe, DE
Independent Effectiveness Coach for Teams/Individuals, Agile/ScrumTrainer, Open Space Conference Facilitator
Special thanks to Sabine Colimprain for her support. Psychologist and Psychotherapist (in training), Graz, AT
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