anthology of stories

8/11/2019 Anthology of Stories

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BCT

Th is a collection of stories in which women talk about a dark period in their lives. Veryrecognizable because everyone comes bumps on his path against. It is an art as well todeal with.

Author Bio

The author was born in the east of the country and is working in care. Writing, especiallytrue stories, is a hobby of hers.



1.

I am a child born Sunday. Pretty and slender of body and soul. And it's

smart. Everything is me. And let me now again Sunday called my name. Butpuberty I change a beautiful slim girl in a real fat person. In addition I wasalso a pair of glasses and braces. People sometimes do not. !ecogni"edme And when I did #now who I was. Startled she is a hat.

But actually I was there in the $rst place not it. %or my spiritualdevelopment I found more important than my appearance. And developmentthat I did. After high school I went to college. After that I got a good &ob

uic#ly.And it's wor#ed for me very uic#ly up in that function. And so ithappened that I'm thirty one morning wo#e up in my beautiful villa. (ran# my

&uice. )he maid greeted. And in my big car got to go to the o*ce to drive. Andon the way to me reali"ed that I lived the life of a $fty businessman. And Ias#ed myself whether this is actually for me. I went from one to anotherminute or so in a crisis. +ou can hear it in the media. )he thirties today havemuch choice. )hat they can not see the forest for the trees. And thus end upin a crisis. And that happened to me. And my biological cloc# has now gonean e,tra step further. %or how was it really my baby- And what if it was-

here I found a suitable father-Suddenly I was completely my toad and too# a few wee#s holiday. hat

easily could. Because I had enough vacation days. Because I normally prefersitting at wor# than anywhere else. But now I had to set things right. And so Idid.

I was a little uneasy on a beautiful white beach in /e,ico. In my new blac#bathing suit beautiful af#leedde. %or though I was still very thic#. Everything

was beautiful in proportion. And partly by replacing contact lenses andoverpriced dentist ta#e my glasses I loo#ed handsome. And I had no lac# of attention. And it was also great to rela, and go out to eat. And dancing with alot of Americans present. Super fun I had there. But the father of my child wasnot there between. And the wee#s 0ew. So I was suddenly reluctantlyo*ce. And it cost me a lot of e ort into my daily rhythm. Again And there wasalso very much overdue wor#. )hat was during my vacation stay down. It wasso much wor# that I as#ed if there was someone in the company who couldhelp me. )his An assistant student or anyone else. It was the guy from themailroom. )hat would ta#e care of the type of wor# for me and that was aload o my mind. 2e had already done chores for me. And did a good &ob. Allup in my eyes he was a bit simple. )he ne,t day I barely put on my wor#. Because I had uite overslept me. But

it smelled of co ee and fresh rolls. And I saw that the computers were alreadystarted. So I thought the mailroom boy had already gone to wor#.And so itwas. 3nly it was not the simple dusty mailroom guy I had in mind. 4o it wasan Adonis. !arely have I seen such a beautiful man. /y mouth dropped openin surprise. And it too# a while before I was bac# on Earth.

/a, a name that seemed to $t perfectly with this young god greeted me#indly. Supplied me with co ee and pastries. And went on with his



goal.And I certainly achieved that goal. And the end &usti$es the meansanyway7

:.

I love animals and I $nd totally adorable labrador. But to have as a friend typelabrador really went too far. I am at the moment I #now 5on doctrine in theprime of my life. A beautiful smart girl from a stable family. And also verypopular. Ie with the boys. Because the girls often $nd it less fun that I oftenget the most attention at parties. And so I was recently met by a bunch of girls who did not li#e that I had #issed. )heir group with a boy I was veryscared but fortunately did it end with a whimper and I was not beaten up. Asyou so often hear nowadays.

But one day I got to #now 5on a nice /oluccan boy who lived down thestreet. A super tough #id from a bro#en but loving family. 2is father who hada bit in the head staggers lived a few houses away. And his mother had &ustgot a new friend. So often was not home. 2is sisters and brother were li#e myfriend /oluccan beautiful and well;#ept cool people. here everyone wouldwant to be. )oo bad considering I therefore.

And one day suddenly &oined 5on in our group that he had to leave. 2ithertoleft And I noticed the same at what a sweet cute boy it was. 9heerful co"yand he did not hurt a 0y. But it was precisely these ualities that I li#ed $rst. Iwas going to $nd. 6ess fun later 2e was too clingy. But to brie0y ma#e a longstory. e were a bunch. And were very happy together. And from the $rst

moment I let 5on no longer alone. 2e ate with us slept with us went onvacation. Especially my mother was actually a child. But she was super madat 5on. 4ot really the type of ideal son. Because the /oluccan youths were inour district not really well #nown. But that made my mother nothing. She feltit was important that 5on was so sweet and loyal to me but also to ourfamily. And I can understand that. Because 5on wins everyone's heart. 5ustbecause he is who he is. A sweetheart. )hose with the best foreveryone. !eally &ust a sweet cute puppy labrador type that would ta#e youhome. Prefer it

And my sister was away from him. Because he had a big cuddly and wecould all do with him what we were li#e. At one time he was used as a dress;up doll. )he other time we made braids in his dreadloc#s. And the ne,t timehe was li#e a woman made. 5ust to practice then we said.

hen he slept with us. 5oin me in my little bed. I lay all night in the holdbecause he showed me a minute apart. And always he brought for me but formy mother and sister something funny or sweet note. A pastry ring 0owers orwhatever. 2e li#ed to spoil us.

And he did then. All began sometimes to give me. )ightness Because Ineeded space. /aybe we were too young I do not #now. But it oppressed mea bit. hen he was pic#ed out by a scout at a certain time player in an



farewell which he gave me &ust too passionate hug. ith an impish smileas#ed if I ever cheated- And really laughed when I pointed always to imagineme. And that he had to do to his beautiful wife. 8reetings And then I uic#lymade me feet. Because old habits die hard. And before you #now it you dothings you regret. And I had done enough damage in the past. hat I stillashamed. Because I thought only of myself. Because how 5on and Emma feltor thought I did not care at all so bad7

=.

)he relationship with my mother has always been very strong. e do not loo#ali#e loo#s very cra"y but what concerns our character all the more. e reallyhave the same characteristics. And I love her very much.

It is also a strong woman and little peculiar. Because hindsight I actually#new little about her past. And also the normal things li#e her age I did not#now. )hey &ust did not tell how old she was. hat always yielded many

uestions on her birthday. Personally I thought &ust say something. )henthey as# no further. I do myself sometimes that. )hen I pull it sometimes &usta few years o . 4o mortal sin anyway. And everyone swallows the sin#er.3nlywhen you are going to do you get nagging mystery. )hey also appeared to ma#e than it was. Everything much nicer If her

parents had always been #ind to her. And she had a poor but happychildhood. 6ater it turned out that she was born and grew up in a trailer withher grandmother that she thought was her mother. And when he was too old

to care for her she came to visit the nuns./iraculously she has endured. All this as well Especially since they recentlylet slip that her father had very loose hands. I myself have never had a tic# orpunishment. And I loo# bac# on a loving upbringing where everything wasnegotiable.

But as I said we had a great band together. And went li#eshopping. Somewhere to eat. 3r &ust chatting nice together. %or our childrenshe was a loving grandmother. And they are also very fond of her. I saywas. Because she now has dementia and no longer independently at homebut in a nursing home resident. And before she arrived there is a lot of waterpassed through the sea.

%or my own and always in themselves living mother was ten years ago thestairs and bro#e her hip. But did not help here. But &ust stayed home. Andtoo# no paracetamol for pain. Physiotherapist she got a wal#er. And sincethen she moves therewith. 8iant pity of course. Because hip surgery is apiece of ca#e and then &ust be able to wal# again. She And was her uality of life was much better. But my mom li#ed it so well. She did not step out of thehouse and stayed for seven years 0avorful inside. And along with home care Itoo# care of me.



%or someone who is mentally still good to decide these thingsthemselves. And even though I had this di*culty. I could not let her downand it did not. I did Bad was her mental state after seven years bac#. And thesituation became untenable at home actually. Because at some point nolonger cared for my mother herself and she let herself do not care. And thetime had come for a recording. But get doing that for each other. Becauseeven though they loo#ed a little ragged she could still hold aconversation. And gave them to want to stay home. And not to want to wor#on a recording. And if someone does not want it can not be legallyenforced. So my mother.

So everything &ust went bac# to his going. <ntil one day everything was bluesmo#e. Because my mother had been with matches. Again in And I was soangry that I uite agree proverbial ears have washed. Assistance %or whatwere they thin#ing had to $rst #ill traps was ta#en.

And that helped. /y mother was assigned someone had to assess whetheror not they could continue to live at home. Because children are in thesecases is not believed on their word because there are plenty of #ids who are

tired to care. )heir parents And she &ust a good e,cuse to get out thehouse. So that another can ta#e over.But in the case of my mother it was soon clear. And there was a re uest to

ta#e it in a nursing home. 2er against her will at She was incapacitated. Andto &udge there were two lawyers and a &udge visiting. I felt terrible. /y mothertried to be good for the day to come but soon fell by the wayside. Becauseeven the sister who guided her daily and had to assess how they stood beforethey did not recogni"e. And I was wrong to $ght o my tears.Because I hadput everything in motion.

But the visit was brief because this group was clear that the home was notso. And a placement would not be long in coming. Itself /y mother had thechoice she could then &oin family in the regular car. But she would refuse thebrothers of the ambulance too# over and they would be ta#en by force. Awfulanyway. She had not been outside for seven years. So what would happen itwould be very di*cult for her.

Personally I had never really been far from her. (uring all those years e &ust celebrated holiday in the 4etherlands. So if there were problems wecould be. /y mother soon But now our daughter decided to get marriedabroad and I was &ust so out of the picture. Because I of course had to bethere.

And as is always the case that wee# she was admitted. /y brother onwhose shoulders when everything got here was part of. And it was one of theworst things in his life that he should have done. Bring his mother forcibly to

the nursing home. /iraculously she still got in the car with him and couldalready awaiting ambulance containing a pair of burly brothers leave

soon. But all in all it was a very sad a air.3nce in the nursing home she was forced out of the shower. And she then

denied everything. And she has three days angry watching. 3ut forthemselves /y brother got the blame for everything who had her ta#enaway. So to me she was pretty friendly. And I thin# also glad I was there. Andto my surprise I was &ust relieved himself. Because they loo#ed neat andfreshly washed and had a nice cup of co ee standing before him. )he nursing



home was right in the town where my mother grew up. And the sta wasmore than friendly. So from guilt to my mother was not there. 4o &ust theopposite. )hey should have been much earlier. !ecorded All alone at homewas &ust too dangerous. )here was everything can go wrong. She was ademented woman alone in a downstairs apartment with all the dangers. Sheleft the doors fre uently open so anyone could enter. )urned the day andnight rhythm to. 5ust an untenable situation so. And now there were night andday people who were there for her and well cared for her. 4o. of guilt was norelief though.

%or all those years she was always in my mind. And I always li#ed to planmy diary account of her. And now again I was as free as a bird and I was niceto visit her without the dishes and all the regulatory wor#. But go outside anddrin# a cup of co ee together somewhere. %eed the duc#s in the par#. 3r &ustsit uietly beside her and tal# about old times. 6ove this-

So you see that dar# chapter of my life. /y mother inclusion in a nursinghome under duress. Even though it felt li#e betrayal. Still wor#ed out well andthat ma#es me very happy.

>.

A relationship with a foreigner is di*cult say. Because you hit the weirdestproblems. )hough it's &ust that he always pic#ed is at customs. But arelationship with someone who is adopted must be very complicated. %or if aman continues to feel abandoned his life. And will do everything to #eep you.

6ocated at %urthermore a relationship with someone who is mentally ill isobviously not easy. Because that reacts uite di erent than someone withcommon sense.

And what do I do- !ight I marry an adopted cra"y foreigner. And that isconsidered to be not so easy. Because at the time of our $rst meeting he'swith someone he is very fond of. hat I do understand because it's a sweetbut less pretty girl. I always call soep#ip in mind. Because she is ratherslouching. I myself am tall blond and radiant. !eally the type of model. If Isay so myself. And so I throw all my charm in the $ght and pic# S&aa#shamelessly his girlfriend o . +es sometimes you thin# I won it but thenyou have actually lost smooth. But I did not #now then.

But it wor#ed. S&aa# I may call my friend. )hough the direct relationshipalready strained. Because he misses his e,;girlfriend. And his adoptiveparents $nd it unfortunate that his previous relationship is bro#en. Andthough they do their best. I notice that they $nd it di*cult to close. /e intheir arms hich is very understandable.

But they have to. So they do it. And over time the relationship with Bramand 5et as I also S&aa# his parents called good. And I hear the $rst stories of the di*cult childhood S&aa#. 2e was li#e a child di*cult and disobedient.2it



other children and had tantrums. 4ot nice to hear of course but in themeantime I was so in love that I thought to do to him.

Because of course I already had uic#ly reali"ed that something was notright with S&aa#. 2e responded to a di erence of many often out of proportion. By yelling to brea# things or sometimes upset to leave. And thendays to stay away and let me worry behind.

2e also dran# when it was not a nice pair of glasses for fun. 4o he dran#until he could not. And lost consciousness and fell asleep. 5ust li#e in thecasino. 2e went so long to gambling all his money and our savings ranout.)here was no stopping this guy. 2e always went on and on. And got intotrouble. 6ost his &ob and came into contact with the police because he wasdealing drugs. hich he used to bring themselves. 9haos in his hooft torestBut &ust sometimes hit people under the in0uence of drugs and drin#together. I can tal# about here. Because I need to collect. /any a blow As ourhousehold that was often renewed because he hit everything to smithereensduring his tantrums. Sometimes I was &ealous of his former girlfriend. I sawsometimes come with her cute happy husband and two adorable children.

Beyond She loo#ed good had a nice house and good &ob. +es guilt I did nothave because she was beautiful sprung dance with me.And I was in deep trouble. Because S&aa# really was not an easy guy. And

threatened me with anything and everything if I get to leave him. In myhead I was of him. And only death could separate us.

I was paraly"ed for a while. But then all the power in me was suddenlyover. Also because we had a cute little daughter now. And I had this life formy child in mind. I decided not to be intimidated me further. And to call thepolice. (uring the ne,t argument And I did to the surprise of S&aa# too. 2ewas &ust getting on a roll and hit everything to pieces. <ntil he loo#ed into theeyes of a strong police and a criminal was beaten. 2andcu ed And it wasta#en out and was thrown into the cell. I gave him and there was a case. 2egot a restraining order and was not allowed to come to me and our daughterclose by. And it did not. /uch to my surprise he also 2e left after his arrest to

)e,el to get a new relationship. Soon And I heard nothing more fromhim. 4othing at all. It was too good to be true. )hat he so easily disappearedfrom our lives.

And I'm very proud of myself. Because I always attended schools forchildren with learning di*culties. And so did my con$dence obviously nogood. But now it appears that this is for life need not be. 4o stamp Because atschool I was maybe not smart. But in real life I stand my ground. After thehassle with S&aa#. And the aftermath of the divorce. I got to #now. Anothernice guy )om also lies in separation and struggles. And we can tal# about it

together well. So good that we have a relationship.

And I also agree to bepregnant. (emonstrated It is a daughter again. And now blond ma#ing our

$rst child adopted child loo#s with her dar# loo#s and almond shapedeyes.2owever we are delighted. )he $rst wife of )om see#s contact againand )om becomes con0icted. And goes bac# to his $rst love. Again I standalone. But again let me not get me small. Because I'm pregnant again. 4otplanned. But still. So I bring the #ids to grandma. 8rab the car and go to thehome of )om and his beloved. I tell my story and give )om twenty;four hoursto decide. /e and the #ids or stay with this woman. If so I will tal# about



anything. If not he will be me and his children never see. And )om is thechapter closed for me. I do my say and get up and leave.

And I feel good. hatever the outcome may be. I still did not hang. And goon with my own life. After an hour he stands on the sidewal# with a bigbunch of 0owers and we fall apart crying in the arms. And as agreed is notspo#en about the past and we ma#e a new start. Because bygones shouldnot get out of the ditch. Because you ma#e a choice and you have to standbehind. And that we do. e have chosen each other and our family. And try asbest as possible to go and ma#e the best of it. And that concerns us well o if I say so myself. Because we are a happy family.

I'm not going to sit. )hrow in the towel 8ot my $rst husband to the policeand my second husband away from his $rst family. I'm not proud of. And it'san ugly blac# page in my life. But the results are impressive. I am proud of myfamily. And I have put on a lot of the game.

And the moral of this story. Everyone has to deal with adversity early orlate and it is uestionable how to deal with. Puts you in the role of victim- 3rare you trying to save what can be saved- And do not manage that then you

ta#e your loss and go start again. It will succeed then you ma#e the best of itand does not loo# bac# in anger.

?.

Actually I $nd myself a very honest man. But I #now now that opportunityma#es the thief. Because I e,perienced $rsthand.

I'm 1@ and do the training for tourism on the /)!3. Super cute andbeautiful with internships at home and abroad. So that's how I see littlemoney for much of the world and I learn my language 0uency. And of courseen&oy it to the fullest. In %rance I get something with a s#i instructor and inEngland with a bar#eep. rong men but very e,citing and you loo# at thatage naturally.

Also I continue my life right on the ride. /y parents are proud of me andwell it should. Because in times when other children with their parents atloggerheads. As puberty I ta#e the coo#ies to ta#e home. I get on the terracewith the co ee. Because my mother so good $nd. And my dad is not really amorning person I often ta#e tea in bed. Because small courtesies sweetenlife. Anyway7

/y school results are good. And then no one has any remar#s to me. I am aslong as I can remember all of a &ob to me. Because and this is perhaps myonly blac# side as anyone who has I'm cra"y about money. 4ot to giveout. 4o it was not. I want to save. And put yourself in the money. 4ot gettingmy parents. )hey have it for that matter. Because especially my father whohas a hole in his hand. So great7 +ou do not want to #now. Everything he seeshe wants. )he latest technical gadget to the delicious smell. So maybe thatI've become. Sparingly as a result ho can say.



)he amount to my ban# account growing steadily. But actually not fastenough. Because I'm going to ta#e driving lessons and so e,pensive thatwhat it comes to ring soon. /y mother has recently committed anotherphone with my driving instructor. But who thought it could be some timebefore I was on my driving test. Because I was too rec#less on the road andstill not ready to drive. So that was a disappointment. %or myself I thought itwent well. But not so. So I too# the plunge. And once again went to the agency. %or an e,tra part;time &ob. )he nice lady behind the counter promised to do her best. /e Andtogether we dran# co ee and tal#ed about this and that. )hen they uic#lyarranged one after another &ob for me. Because I stayed long anywhere. Butfell into sic#ness and maternity leave at di erent o*ces. But was eventuallyactually a #ind of friendship with Esther. As the lady in uestion is also &ust astart was called twenties. She pulled me clear and I never was out of wor#. hile I have heard from di erent friends. Some found her &ust un#indand not fun to be around. But I do so. And of course I was happy with what

they did for me. And my ban# balance was already uite grown. And therewas of course in the $rst instance.And so it went well about a year. /eanwhile I got my driver's license. And I

did test at school as a top student to get o the bus. /y parents proud of course. hich I once received a voucher for a nice trip. So life smiled atme. And I was not at all pleased with myself. But pride comes before the fallof course. And as already said every man has a blac# side and ma#esmista#es in his life. I therefore. )hat's &ust a fact. 4one of us is without sin. So that's why I do not mind to tell

my story. Because I'm in science. )hat everyone has a blac# page. But I'm notproud.

But &ust stay focused. Esther had once arranged a nice temporary &ob forme. And I also got another $ne paid. So I was glad that the time I waswor#ing there was also e,tended. %urther three months It was a nice o*ceand I was $ne after the sentence. And already boo#ed a trip for when I was$nished again.

So far so good. <ntil I loo#ed at my ban# statement that 1 wascredited. Instead of 1 euro hat I was saying happy. So muchmoney. )here was a mista#e. But would they come bac#- It employed manypeople as temporary. And I was one of the many. And then there were muchmoney transactions done for the money end up in the account came fromthose who had wor#ed for. I was hoping that there would be no coc# crowsand I could #eep the money. (elicious I put it in my savings account so that

the amount also once grew spontaneously.(e$nitely a half years I heard nothing about it. And I $gured I certainlyrich. But then I suddenly had Ester to the line that indicated they had. /ade amista#e And behind it was discovered that an error amount was deposited myaccount. I #ept dumb and pretended I was cra"y. But Esther who had done somuch for me #ept calling and ca&oling me. In vain for I had to reali"e thatshe could ma#e me. Anything 3therwise they would have done it already. )heonly way to get bac# the money if I could return it. /oney And I did not. I heldit out yourself. And Esther had a bric# fall. hile I did not even really need the



money. But I &ust could not do otherwise. I could not muster up the moneyalbeit illegally obtained to return it. 4o even though I #new damn well that Iwas wrong I had made my decision and I stayed with.

And very cra"y. After ta#ing. A new phone But still have received. 4ecessaryletters of Esther hich she begged me to pay the money bac#. 3therwiseincalculable trouble for her were and they certainly would lose her &ob. Isuddenly heard nothing more and it was uiet. And that was it. And thefunny thing is that I have no regrets. Because though Esther always treatedme well I have also wor#ed well. And further Esther made a mista#e and Ido not. I also thin# that the agency is insured for this type of error so thatEsther does not have to pay bac#. Amount out of poc#et And of course I amhappy with the large amount on my bill. And so I shut it o formyself.Because I can and will still not pay bac#. And would do it again in thesame way. It's not fair I #now. But since life is not always fair. And to imposeguilt my silence I only hundred dollars deposited into the account of theanimal. 2undred whole euro7 +eah I #now it is not much. But as said moneyis my wea#est part. So a hundred buc#s in my eyes a lot. So bad I am now

not.

C.

)he time I chose my friend wrong and everyone who dropped me was love. Isetched in my memory. 2ow is it possible that I could be so stupid. here wasmy common sense and people s#ills. I who was #nown as a social sweet and

accommodating was turned into a ruthless bitch. !uthlessly droppedeverything and everyone for the wrong man. And $nally I was of course thevictims themselves. And that's my own fault. But in the meantime I have two#ids. And that must also pay a high price. And they have not earned.

!aised in a small town and treated li#e a princess. Especially my fatherwhose eyeball I am. I lac#ed nothing. Everything was possible. And after highschool I did a training 0ight attendant 0ying and I found delicious. 3n one of my 0ights I met Albert. An ordinary (utch man I had a relationship fraughtwith di*culty from the start. But love as I was I thought it'll be $ne. But thatdid not happen. Because even in the $rst period behaved Albert already bluntand un#ind. 6ove came entirely from my side he did not bother. And theneven when strange life.

It too# a while before I introduced him to my parents. And as always hadmade it co"y. ith good food and nice wine. /y father o ered Albert who wasunemployed even a &ob at his law $rm. Something Albert respondeddisdainfully. +es because why would he go to wor# I'm his wife earnedenough anyway. )his he said of course not but I saw him thin#ing. 4o he hidbehind his study. %ortunately not as#ed by my father. Because Albert wasbeautiful fallen by the wayside. Because of a study were not even



mentioned. 3f sleep and lounging though. Because Albert was rather la"ythan tired.

3n the way bac# home Albert did very condescending about myparents. ho really had done for a successful evening which had failedmiserably their best. But that was Albert's fault not that of my parents. But Ido not. )hen saw Albert began to a ect me negatively and I let ithappen. 2ow stupid can you be. +ou deny parents who have always been.

aiting for you And who love you unconditionally. (ropping li#e a stone astrange guy. It shames me even rises to the &aws when I thin# about it. Andwith tears in my eyes. hen I thin# of the grief that I did to my parents tobrea#. All contact 5ust because my father warned me against this man. Andpointed to $nd Albert. 4ot a good choice

/y parents live in the east of the country. And I'm in the west. And we havenot seen each other for years. But my parents have not seen our daughter.

)heir $rst grandchild I also once named after the mother of Albert and somy mother passed. hy not as a second name of my mother- )he womanwho has put me in the world and always has been for me. A little e ort grand

gesture you would thin#. But I did not./eanwhile our relationship was getting worse. I made between my busyschedule 0y by for our daughter. And I was not there. )hen I had to get ababysitter. Even Albert was &ust at home. 2e had nothing to do with his owndaughter. (id the child who was often ill actually a wea#ling. Because all thatstu in the house disturbed his easy life. And he really did not wantto. /eanwhile I #ept hoping for better times. And pretend nothing waswrong.But I ate my sadness away. And was tubby. hich Albert also oncescolded me for everything that was beautiful and ugly. /y con$dence was notparticularly large but now shrun# to absolute "ero.

But in an unguarded moment I still got pregnant again. And as e,pectedreacted Albert angry and dismissive. here I was very sad again. I still seemyself sitting on the 0oor of our house uninviting. All alone and nowhere togo to my story. Because I had friends and girlfriends out the door. Becausewho had critici"ed Albert. Albert always treated me condescendingly and0irting with other women. And my friends do not. 4ames that ho servedAlbert reply. And tal#ed to me about it. 9ausing uarrel arose and ended thefriendship. Because I always too# advantage of Albert. All was that theremight be no waiting. And maybe he did do so narrig in the hope that I wouldbrea# the relationship. But I did not.

Eventually Albert who ended the relationship and was continued withanother woman. And my sorrow was great. I grabbed despite pregnancy tothe bottle and dran# myself into a coma. )he neighbors found me in my own

vomit. hich an ambulance was called and I was admitted to thehospital. Since my data was outdated. And called Albert and myparents. Albert did not but it too# our daughter to the neighbors. /y parentswere called. And loc#s me in loving arms. And too# me home. Before youhave pic#ed. /y daughter at her father And it was lovely to be in my parents'home to be again. I was loo#ed after li#e a baby. And my daughterblossomed. And my parents were very happy. )hey were so happy that thesu ering seemed ago. She did not loo# bac# in anger. But en&oyed the hereand now so fantastic. )hey also too# care of child. And I was with my father



to wor# in the case.And not long after my father found a house for us and hehelped with the design and painting. And one night. I was oblivious to me. Iwould arrange a few things in the new house. Suddenly all my old friends andgirlfriends there for a drin#. /y father had all been arranged. 2e should tal#li#e the best. But in the end all my friends who had been treated so badly byme came. I was not on my luc#. Especially because there is somethingbeautiful emerge. 3ne of those friends someone I've #nown since#indergarten And now I really #now what an e ual relationshipmeans. Because S&ors carries me hands. And is super in love. And eventhough I'm still a little on the fence watching it feels good and I'mhappy. ith my e, I only touch about our daughter and our son had beenborn. And that's reasonable. )hough it is mostly S&ors a real father to thechildren. And loo#ed forward to the ne,t baby who is going to wear hissurname. So together we are a happy family. And sometimes it feelsstrange. 6i#e I do not deserve it after what I've done. )hose lovely people ButI'm only human. And I can not turn bac# the cloc#. hat I can do is draw alesson from this history. 4ever to ma#e. )hese mista#es And I continue to

wallow in all the love that I receive and I have missed for so long. And of course cherish my dear parents I've denied. As

D.

3n 5une twenty nineteen si,ty;eight I came into the world. According to myparents love a baby that was very welcome.

Early on I had to reali"e that my mother very much dran#. 3ften lay on thecouch and threw up regularly. I actually wanted to be with a girlfriend athome. Also my parents were often away. And a cousin of fourteen came towatch. And on a bad day this then abused me. !eally upset I told myparents about this. And it contacted my aunt. )he mother of my cousin andthe cousin was placed under house arrest. But that was also the stoc#ing oand was not further discuss it again. In my eyes my cousin came so veryeasy from and I really did not feel that my parents were there for me duringthis di*cult period. /y dad was always gone. And my mother actually. %or bythe drin# she was unreachable for me. <ntil the day my father my mother puton the bloc#. Immediately stop drin#ing. And if not. )hen he went away fromher. And to everyone's surprise. (ran# my mother from that time not a singledrop. And I still have respect for.

)hen I came into puberty. +et all is not blessed with an easy character. Partlybecause of what I had e,perienced in my youth. I then went all out. And Ilistened after 8od still commandment. /y parents had di*culty coping.But Ihad them paint.

After numerous friends I met an American. And was immediately in love. 2ewas perhaps a little &ealous. But I found it charming. I adored him and wanted



the ground beneath his feet to #iss. At nineteen I married him. And wasthrilled. /y parents did not li#e it. But I continued anyway. And went with himto irginia. 2e was stationed in the Air %orce. But no sooner landed changedmy prince into a frog. Because once we were on American soil I had alreadyhold. )he $rst blows %irst he had regrets. But soon went from bad toworse. And I was beaten for the slightest bond and blue. And not only me butmy two cats had also been targeted. hat a horrible man say7

But I could not stand him. I was pregnant. And then li#e you give someonethe bene$t of the doubt. So I'm hesitating me. And went reluctantlyagain. And forgave him his sins over and over again.

/y parents came to America. And had bought a tic#et as a surprise to me. Sothat I would be born the baby a few wee#s could come to the4etherlands. And that was my chance. I went and stayed in the4etherlands. )old my parents the story. And tried to build a new life. In4etherlands But my American came after me. !epented and I did itagain. After eight and a half months pregnant our baby was born healthyhappy. I was super happy because through all those stages in my stomach that

was not obvious.But as I said. In the 4etherlands we started again. And involved anapartment. hose curtains were always #ept shut. And I was allowed out onlyunder his guidance. And I let it all &ust happen7

<ntil I saw that he loved us $ve months old son with his head under waterwhile ta#ing a bath. hen was the last straw. I pretended I had not seenanything. But shortly afterwards gave it to the police.

It was the deliberate drop. Because they have not come to my child. Andafter several interrogations he was arrested. 2e received $ve months inprison. And was then deported as an undesirable person in thecountry.Personally I got another house at a secret address. )he 0ag could getout. Because I could start again with my son. Already cost me a lot of timeand e ort to process everything. And I was still afraid that he would ta#erevenge too. In what way /aybe that was the reason I got involved with apolice o*cer. <nconsciously I must have thought that could protect me andmy beautiful son. %or the love &ust came from his side. I li#ed him but wasnot in love. But again became pregnant with a son. And my agent was superhappy. And I of course.

Shortly after I got bruises I was very tired and lethargic. I thought it wasbecause of the heavy labor. But when my parents saw me as she switchedimmediately the doctor. And I &ust did not go with wailing sirens to thehospital. here the terrible diagnosis of leu#emia was made. )he study was terrible especially the lumbar puncture. )hen I got a bone

marrow transplant and I was declared cured. (elicious anyway. )hough I amalways a little afraid that it may come bac#. I have met a nice man in thehospital. But I was married and did nothing. But once again stay at home Igot up one morning ne,t to my deceased husband. 2e was already uitecold. 9ardiac arrest7 )hen turned my youngest to have. A form of autism And o ered the man I

had met his help in the hospital. 2e came to live with us as a friend. But theoutside world we loo#ed a couple. 2e helped me with the education of thechildren. )hough he was very strict. But the children needed discipline in his



eyes. And he could give them as e,;military. But he also began to drillme. And thus I actually ran into my wor#. I wor# in healthcare. And turnedmany services as possible. So as not to have to be at home. But the #idswere there of course. )hat did not wor# to add to 0ee.

3n an outing I learned an Elvis impersonator #nown from 4orway. And it waslove at $rst sight. And the one other time I went with him to 4orway. ithoutany #ind of e,planation or farewell to my children. 4o I'm &ust left. +es I#now not win any beauty because who does such things. I do and yes I'mcoming after sin. But I can never ma#e this course more good. And it istherefore not surprising that the contact with my children poor and minimal. I set my way every e ort to improve the contact. But I am secretly glad that Ichose. %or love and not for my #ids I have a wonderful life with my Elvis andmy children there would have been di erent. +et Because yes once a star isnow happy in the spotlight and wants to focus not share with others.

@.

I feel all times not good. I can not eat. 3n small pieces and snac#s after. /ytoilet visit is li#e wal#ing di*cult. And I feel a huge bump in my belly. )hepanic that stri#es I wave away by anything but sliding. )he transition But thedoctor I dare not. Even if I can sit. Eventually the pain only in a pool (are Istill do not ta#e action. And I feel beaten me o balance. It is as if death is myheels.

Afterwards you thin# how I have it sustained. But when the fear is so greatyou'll do anything to get out. Below a doctor's visit Even if the symptoms getworse by the day. And I hang more in the ban# than I is done. Since then thepain is unbearable. Even lying in bed is di*cult. And so I wal# every nightmany lonely laps around the house. And I am very sad. %or what is it with meon- So it is no longer. I must do something7

But once I decide to investigate. /y urine the ne,t day while wal#ing thedog Because it's probably a bladder infection. In retrospect of course anabsurd thought. Because of a bladder infection you get no hard bellies andcertainly no big bulge.

And of course as was to be e,pected the urine was good. But thesymptoms persisted. So I was still redirected to the 8P. here I sit in thewaiting room with sloshing armpits. %inally I come inside. And I put a tattletale o and not telling the bulge in my stomach. I have 0ight tendencies andwould essentially as uic#ly as possible. But the doctor decides to investigateme. Internally And there I am. )he research is di*cult. )he duc#bill does thedoctor not enter. And &udgment is uic#ly felled. As soon as possible to thehospital. 3n the way I've &ust tend to &ust drive home. But it ta#es commonsense to me anyway. And feeling to the slaughter to drive I accelerate and Igo straight to the hospital. %lights can not.



)hen it goes fast. And is followed by many studies. And it soon becomesapparent that it is wrong again. )he blood levels are so low that I get a bloodtransfusion immediately. hat I do not li#e. But what is still according to thedoctor. And soon go four bags and I have to stay one night. )he ne,t day I have to scan. And drin# a gallon of some dirty drin#. I do

grudgingly what is e,pected of me. )hough drin#ing is still very di*cult. Butthe idea soon to go home to be able to #eep me on the leg.

And so it goes well. After the scan I can go home with a referral to agynecologist. )his will allow to e,amine me once again. And so I will bereabsorbed. And after this study surgery is necessary. And what I'm afraidof.Especially for anesthesia. But everything went very uic#ly. And soon I wasfeeling for me wa#e up in the recovery room. ith the feeling that I sleptwonderfully and I feel very good. /y husband was totally surprised when hesees that there are as if nothing has happened to me. But that is of course. )he operation was successful and the tumor is removed. A tumor of thirty centimeters in diameter. So no wonder I could not anymore.

After I left the hospital. And I left delicious ca#es for nursing is waiting for

the results. And it comes faster than e,pected. And is certainly not good./alignant cervical and ovarian cancer7But I do not feel defeated me. But rather strong. Even if I am told I have to

undergo. Si, courses And at the thought of a bald head I brea# out in a coldsweat. But fortunately ma#es the hospital using a special cap ma#ing the hairloss is limited.

%or the $rst course I was very scared. But it was actually really good. Andthe following $ve courses went better than imagined. All I got at the lastcourse or an allergic reaction. But by running slower infusion was also theproblem solved soon. So basically it struc# me one hundred percent with it. )he cures to beat. And the scan had to prove that I was cancer free. But it

was only after an internal investigation that the duc#bill now entered withoutdi*culty. (emonstrated that it was all gone. And the scan showed that a spotafter all there was not heard removed. Super$ne course7

But as it always goes. )he good news had gone past me. And the bad news#ept going on in my head. hile my husband had not even heard of. And thenit went on and o . In a follow;up study was another great spot. And I wassitting in sac#cloth and ashes. But after another study I seemed completelyclean again. )he doctor but even I did not understand. 2ow can this be-

So I decided to no longer ma#e. (riving me cra"y Everything had to be donehas been done. And that's a good feeling. Sorry about the late start to thedoctor I did not. Because that's the past and I can not turn bac#. And whetherthe disease stays away or comes bac# I have no control over. And it would be

a waste of time which I now rest on its part. orry about me And actually Itoo believe in the power of positive thin#ing. And life in the here and nowlive. I thin# this is better for my health than constantly to be afraid and tothin# what the future will bring me for collectors. 4o my motto. +esterday hasbeen tomorrow is yet to come and today I live my life.



F.

/y mother had me when she was already well into their forties. I had my $rst

child at eighteen and so was very young mother. And had my own motherdid not e,pect much. In a time when unwanted pregnancy was a disgrace. SoI went from the west to the east of the country. )o withdraw.'s Parents myhusband A turbulent period followed. But eventually I got my life is good onthe ride. It was not that I had a drin#ing problem soon.Because my husbandloved a distraction and I followed him faithfully to the pub. Afraid of losinghim. )he $rst best worshiper Because he was not faithful fast. Proved )herehas been many a girl at the door for me to claim him. But I must say he hasalways stayed with me. )hough I had the idea that I could wash. 2is dirtyunderpants And the others were there for the fun things in life. )o ma#e thisidea a little more bearable I often dran# more than was good for me. Andtherefore had mood swings. 4ot nice for my area and our two #ids.

/y husband was a bus driver. And drove in the summer holidays to Spainwith large groups. 3ften especially the elderly. And was sometimes threewee#s away from home. Actually he was cra"y about that country. %or ourannual holiday went together down below. And it was delicious. Although itwas there that I noticed that he committed calls to 4etherlands with anotherwoman. Bac# in the 4etherlands I began to love him. Eye And my suspicionwas soon con$rmed. 2e had a relationship with someone from wor#. +ou #now something li#e that but what you have with it because maybe it

was about. And until now he had always stayed with me. So it was probablyall be o#ay but it was not fun. Because as it is other people had suspicionsand were as#ing uestions. %urthermore he did not hit me. According to

him he was impotent. 2e claimed here even to the doctor to have been asolution.But it could be worse much worse. Because on a bad day. /y husband was

once with a group left for Spain. I felt a lump in my breast. I was terriblyshoc#ed. And I waited until my husband got home. And then started theinvestigations. Because that bulge was out. But that was the end of it and Icould go home. hat I found was very sad that my children had &ustcelebrated feast and my husband had slept in the dar#est hours of my life.<pon his mistress But I did not dwell too long. Because you have to continueanyway and I did.

And everything went well. %ive years after the operation I had aparty. Because I was completely healed declared. And how it went at it is nothealth the most important in human life. Because in the end you're on yourown and anyway it's nice that you are healthy.

But it seemed that when I was also some vigorous. %or now $ve years latermy husband still had a relationship with the same woman. And I decided toconfrontation. And together with a friend I followed him to hismistress.Polished and in a cloud of scent I saw him my husband calledimpotent. histling at her go inside. Before they embraced each other andlascivious he pinched her buttoc#s. Stupidly I stepped out of the car. And



hinted to be allowed to stay with her. It And not having to #noc# with me. Sothat was out and felt good.

And at that time I was also done with it. And I had also never see him. Ifeel But he thought otherwise. 2e was sorry and would do anything to getbac# to me. ell

And for the sa#e of the community came to that. 2e went through thedust. Spoiled me. 4ow even did his best in bed. But to me there wassomething much. Because I had already put a point behind and found it hardto switch me. And in retrospect I thin# it would have been if he had chosen.

)hen her better %or not long after he started acting strange. 4ot stri#ingyet. Everything was given a permanent place. 3therwise he panic#ed. )heconversations were only about Spain and throughout the day wererepeated. 2e was pushy and afraid to lose control. But also stole little thingsfrom stores and I found that all very well as friends. As our wee#ly cardnight. )hose people did not understand this and we were removed from theguest list. %urthermore he argued with everyone and therefore we lost manyfriends. And maybe I was more sympathetic towards as our relationship had

been good but now I feel betrayed me. %irst all the other women and nowthis. I was always the victim. %lights but could not. So we were at the mercy of another. )he children who came sporadically were nonsense. And yes Iunderstand that. Because she only saw him on his good moments. )hrough the sadness stress and alcohol I got high blood pressure. And after

a stro#e. And was placed in a nursing home for rehabilitation. )o then gohome. But the #ids loved that along with the doctor not a good idea and I gota room in a nursing home. /y husband was placed in a nursing home. %ornow we only saw how hard he was demented and I got compliments that Ihad held for so long. +es need is what. But in the end I was relieved. I losthim. )he others were allowed to ta#e over. I will still visit him twice a wee#and that he li#e that. All of that is also less. Because the last time I came hewas already in bed. In a #ind of blue babypa#. And he hit only unintelligiblesounds o . ithout any sign of recognition. And so there he was ourmacho. And who sat on his bed I have 9ornelia. And where were all theseother women and especially 2anna his last and longest loved. 4o they werenot there. Because they were there for the pleasures and I to care. So therewas nothing really changed. And he was luc#y the last time to have madethe right choice. By staying with me. 3therwise he had no woman had moreon his sic#bed. But maybe it would have been better for me. 3r actually donot. Because it is in good and bad times. And everyone is as#ing each othersometimes disappoint. And those good times were also there certainly. 3nlythose were grossly outnumbered. And can I get the pain and sorrow that is

done to me hard to forget. And sometimes I thin# if I had to see him lying li#ea baby's own blame.I spea# of course and not &ust being friendly and involved. But this is how I

sometimes do not always thin# about. Because I assume that every humanbeing at one time is &udged by his deeds and therefore will be punished orrewarded. And that he undergoes his punishment for what he has done tome. A bit li#e Buddhists believe in #arma so to spea#. Because my husbandis the blac# page in my life. 2ow bad this is also to spea# out. It's thetruth. /y life would have been so much easier without him. And by his sic#



now even deprived me. Pleasant old age %or a demented man leavesnot. )here you care.

1 .

/y father is for me on a pedestal. And it is also a dar# chapter in my life ashe does on a bad day from falls.

/y father was a charming man who always toetro# all the eyes when hearrived somewhere. And many a woman's heart brought racing. And heen&oyed it to the fullest because he was a real ladies' man. /uch to thechagrin of my mother. ho uic#ly came not only to have himbehind. Sometimes he was not very discreet. And too# his con uest &ust tota#e home. And at a time when the woman was still dependent on thehusband my mother swallowed it all. %or what else could she do.

But my father had another side. 2e was a military leader. And had alreadyfought in many wars and served his country with all his heart. 2e hadalready received many awards. 2e was even #nighted beaten by our ueenwhich he of course I was also very proud.

But what he was far from home and as a child I sometimes do notrecogni"e him. hen he came bac# again. After some years of absence. Butwe did it right. Because of his demanding &ob. And we lac#ed nothing. 2e alsohas his family to come to a foreign country. About once And we have livedabroad for three years and #now a di erent culture and learn to spea# aforeign language. A super natural e,perience. )hat no one can ta#e o . 8iveme more

But through all the trouble who had seen my father. (uring the war 9ouldhe sleep badly and he dran# a lot. )o delete only. )hose nasty images frommemory But at that time there was still no understanding. Soldiers now incura trauma get help. But my father &ust had not whine. So we have to choose.Another profession he had

And though he #ept large. 2is health deteriorated rapidly. 2e had heartproblems. Every day and too# a handful of pills to counteract allcomplaints. But to no avail. 2e still came to lie in the hospital. And wasplaced on the waiting list for heart surgery. hich however nevermateriali"ed. Because he is on a night in his sleep deceased at thehospital. 4o $fty;$ve years old. ery sad. I still see my mother at the doorwith this sad news. 5ust when he retired at the door after a lifetime of hard wor# was the end of

story. +ou hear it so often. Because people thin# they have eternal life and allhave to catch up and only then do fun things. !etirement But often it isdi erent. And then you have &ust wor#ed and it's suddenly over. So sad.

But my father did this and my mother wore her loss bravely and went afterhis cremation brave alone. And despite the grief that cremation wasbeautiful. /y father was a popular man and therefore it was super busy in hisretirement and he was buried with the highest military honors. It was shot in



the chest and there were beautiful speeches. /en with high honors on theirchest. After the cremation however we were not to give to pay their respects.6ives people the opportunity 4o my mother did so well enough. And was

uic#ly out of the feet. I could understand. Because she was obviously preferto be alone with her grief.

After cremation the bond between me and my mother was &ust closer. Iremember the Sundays that we came to visit as a family. And my mother too#care of soup and snac#s. !eally super co"y.

So basically everything &ust went about his business. <ntil one day I wascalled by my brother. hich indicated it to have. A very strange phonecall %rom someone who passed himself o as the son of my father from aprevious marriage. But that could not. Because then my father would almosthave been a child when he became a father for the $rst time. And then wehad that too conscience. )here were certainly been a mista#e. And of coursewe were not afraid to drin# on neutral ground. A cup of co ee with thatguy 4o we were &ust there for a fun day and did not let us bring the headspin.

But it was not. %or when the man through us in advance all ridiculedarrived. Insisted the resemblance to my father immediately on us. It seemedthat my father came. And the evidence such as a marriage certi$cate andphotographs were actually no longer necessary because the man himself was living proof.

It turned out that my father had married his childhood sweetheart whowas pregnant. %or the $rst marriage at the age of seventeen And in totalthree children gave her. )he latter was the same age as my brother. hichmy father fell with a thud on his pedestal. Because he had two women madepregnant in the same period.

%urthermore given our half;brother in law after the departure of my father.2ad a very di*cult Because that suddenly everything was di erent. As lessmoney in cash and a grieving mother who functioned poorly. /a#ingeverything landed on his shoulders while he himself was still a child.

And of course brings each separation di*culties with it and my fatheralways supported his family $nancially. But he never sought his children. AndI $nd that very sad. %or whatever between my father and the mother of hischildren has happened has nothing to do with those #ids. And for yourchildren you can best do a bit of trouble. And we too had his other childrenli#e to #now how was the nail on the head. But maybe you should see it at atime when divorce was a disgrace and people who chose a separation of thenec# were being stared at. But how do you get used to it or will it remain asad thing.

%or my brother who always thought to be my father's eldest son and now itappears that he is not at all. I'll stay his youngest daughter but not two but$ve children. And then thin# and I hope that when my father was given alonger life. 2e might come myself with this story to come and that he had usall in touch with each charged. )hat would have been really nice and hadhim up even more to rest. Because hindsight it might not &ust the war thatthe muGer has done to him and what he drowned his sorrows. But perhaps itwas also the $rst loss of his family and he also dran# the grief them away. Ithin# and hope it actually. Because you've gotta be very insensitive to your



own children to banish. 9onsciously or unconsciously from your life And donot even thin# about it every day. And I thin# my father has thought. /uch tohis children But did not #now how to get them bac#. In his life After all whatwas happening. And there of has had much grief. But despite myunderstanding is the day that my father fell from his pedestal for me a dar#chapter in my life.

11.

5ust thirty and wor#ing in a shoe factory somewhere in the south of thecountry I try to get my life. Again Because after a brief relationship whichwas beaten more than tal# I have my bags pac#ed. A room wanted in adorm.And the story ended.

A lovely time came. I earned my own money. And was delicious feasts andbeasts. as often sleep somewhere. But in a real relationship I was nothungry. And a child was not actually. So long live the fun.

<ntil one day I was approached by a handsome o*ce $fties. Appearing insuit and shoes in his limp was fed up. Also good 2e was loo#ing for themanager. But I saw his ga"e wander to my ample bosom. As I e,periencedaily since puberty. Because really my boobs are so big that I have to customma#e. /y bra But I digress. I spent the good guy to the board. And continuedwith what I was doing. But that handsome guy from the east of thecountry.6et me &ust go. But as#ed me to dinner later in the day. And I saidno. But gasped hastily.

And hurry you can also call it the relationship that followed. Because afterdinner we end up in bed and then I went along to the east of the country. )oarrive. In a big house I was allowed to furnish all. (iscretion Because his wifeand children remained in the old house. And he did or not this beautiful villawas bought for us. I also got a new car and wardrobe. I frivolous factory girlwho still bought her clothes on the mar#et recently. as now in a realdesigner clothing. And did nothing for doing so. I did have a bit of guilt. %or2erman as my husband's name was not a bad relationship. But was so in lovewith me he &ust dropped. Everything and everyone And for me and especiallyfor my breasts chose.

And a wonderful time came. Soon I became pregnant with our son Bas. Alovely child. hich as it turned what had di*culty learning. But otherwise itwas a very sweet and a ectionate child. In short we could not ourluc#.Sunsand a private boat. Enough money to throw over the bar and so Idid. And in the case of a large retail shoes it went $ne. 2erman was planningto stop wor#ing and then &oin me and our son to buy a house. Huic#ly in ahot country )o build. A new life

But it would never come this far. Because that morning I'll never forgetit. e would ta#e the boat on the %risian la#es. And 2erman had indicatedthey did not feel well but still got out of bed and then li#e a pudding to



collapse. %or the ne,t three days no longer to wa#e up. Bass was in thehospital as a dog ne,t to his bed. And I sat there praying ne,t. %or wefervently hoped though it loo#ed really bad that he would survive.

And it did. But the man who wo#e 2erman was not that I #new or the fatherwho Bas was used. 4o it was a grumpy man who could not wal# uic#lyforgot everything and was unfriendly. And I saw the storm coming soon Inaturally had to ta#e care of him at home. And maybe even wipe his buttafter using the toilet. A feeling of disgust came over me master. And I could

&ust pic# up the toilet to vomit.But my suspicions were fearful truth. And after three months of

rehabilitation 2erman came home to our custom home. And I had to actuallyta#e care of him and himself wiping his pimply buttoc#s bah7

But I still continued for seven years. Because it was. Because once thehospital you're on your own. And they thin# it is a normal thing that peoplecare for their loved ones with the help though. But put him in a nursing homewhere they found him much too good for that.

So I became his nurse and further #ept all intimacy between us. And there

was physical contact certainly no longer. 2e could barely get his words outproperly let alone that he could accomplish. (eed to a successfulconclusion And yes of course he was already uite old and I still uiteyoung. So I treated myself to an occasional distraction. 3ne time with thegardener. And even once the clich with the window cleaner. After I hadcalled for a cup of co ee which in and it was worth it because the steamcoming out of our ears. And &ust came home for Bass I was bac# in my robeand could &ust eliminate a slip under the couch. )his #ind of thing I could dowhen 2erman was the daycare. )hat day care was $ne it gave me someroom. Because I had good hands as free. But all those sleepless nights with asnoring musty smelling old disabled man bro#e me. And I decided to ta#esteps to place it o . 2ome And after many closed doors to have stood thereis now happy to open a door. Because there will be built a nursing home herein our village for people with a brain disorder. And once opened 2erman canbe placed there. hat a good news I really pulled a bottle of e,pensive wineto celebrate. onderful news It really feels li#e a redemption. And a new startto life. I can arrange. According to my own feelings And no longer amre uired to play which I am not by nature. 4urturers But you yourself willobviously against and you see a whole blac# side of yourself. Because thisold man in the wheelchair I leave without batting an eyelid from theirhomes. hile I could not allow. )hen the rich and attractive good loo#ing manfrom the east is not fast enough in my life Everything he did for me but now Ileave it pretty fail. hile he can do about it happened. 4ot him nothing And

very sad about his impending departure. Because he does not want to leavetheir familiar surroundings. 2e is angry but nothing with this because I havethe reins and let the guy who always has been for me fall li#e a bric#.

1:.



5ust twenty and already a life behind me a life full of missteps. As drin# drugviolence truancy and so on. I'm not proud of it but it's no di erent. As amiddle child of three children I am basically from day oneunmanageable.6i#e my youngest brother. And very di erent from our sister6i"a who has her life on trac#. But despite that the relationship with myparents in childhood also no angels actually always been good. And maybe Iwas using the stories of my parents being bad also e,citing.

Plays I thin# that I was not really good at school. And me learning verydi*cult went o and that's why I only went truancy. So it seemed I thereforemuch lagging behind my classmates. In elementary school I was to sit twicealready and therefore placed at a school for children with learning di*cultiessomething I felt terrible. Because not only I was snatched from my familiarsurroundings. I was there every day also brought again by minibus to.

In high school I chose therefore for a casual attitude and I was more thanpresent. And no rooster that crowed at it. I wal#ed a lot in the city smo#ed

weed dran# stole from stores and often wal#ed in the middle of the night onthe street. hile my parents thought I was sleeping with a girlfriend. And atic#et for public transport I bought while I still never doorcroste thecountry. And those remar#s and had could get a bang on the head.

And so it was actually a good few years. And no one who spo#e to me on mybehavior. <ntil one fateful day everything went wrong. Anyone else mighthave a blac# page but I have a blac# day. And wonder whether everythingwould have been if I had not come that day out of bed old but I did so well.

And once it was hit. /y mother &ust had contact with the school. And wastold that I had not been there for three months. )o her dismay 4ormally mymother was at wor# and I did on the phone as if I was my mother. And itsaved me in that way. But now my mother's home. And too# the phone. Andso she was told it had to be with my truancy the last else my parents got apenalty. So my mother was angry. And that was the last thing I was waitingfor.

So I uic#ly lit a &oint and made me e ectively use them. And got on thetrain to my friend in Amsterdam. Again without a tic#et. But I never had thatwas so loose. Simply lost or stolen another sad story and I was puttingbelieved my eyes. But not this time I got reprimanded and $ned. Because myfriend was nowhere to be found and I had been told to spend the night at afriend I &ust spent the night on the street. hat Amsterdam is not apunishment but I had an argument with a girl I sold a few blows and endedup in &ail. And because my parents were very indi erent about on the phone I

immediately was placed from home and ta#en to a home for malad&ustedyouths. And so that was my day the worst day of my life. I wish I had stayedin bed. In the morning everything was normal and the ne,t day I wo#e up in a

&uvenile facility. hat can I tell you is something very di erent than a youthhostel. And where sleep does not belong to the possibilities. )he other youthswere no angels. And I was really counting on my mind to get. 4o

uarrel Because then I would be di erent than I was used to de$nitely loseout. Because there had already whole groups say gangs formed where I haveno part of it as a novice.



After brea#fast I went in the shower was a delousing and had a pregnancytest and a test for se, diseases. And yes both of the tests were hit. I hadbugs which e,plained the constant itching and yes I was pregnant how far aman can sin#.

I felt the ground under my feet sin# because normally I had by this timebeen a &oint and some pills behind them but now I was clear and I noticedeverything raw on my roof. +es I did have a boyfriend but slept with others topay. /y drug And then also unprotected. So it was an abortion the second of my life so young vigorous though. But nothing compared to the di*cultperiod where I had come in contact. I had me really contend in the group andthat was not without a struggle. I was allowed to have visitors after threemonths and my parents came. A violent reunion with the tears 0owedabundantly. /y mother told me that my friend was in prison and thate,plained why he was that day in Amsterdam unreachable.

I was pleased with the visit of my parents because they do not. 9onvictsme /y father was himself more $rmly than he was free. So far they could notsay about it. And before too long I would be a wee#end to go home. So I

loo#ed forward to it. Especially since my friend albeit with an an#le strap alsobe home again.But despite that I did my very best wee#end was postponed home on two

occasions. Because I unguarded moments serious negative impact on myloose hands where the leadership was not pleased. A psychopath they calledme sometimes. Because I seemed to have no conscience and drove o anything I did not li#e mine.

But $nally found the right place probation. And not long after I was also setfree and placed under assisted living. I also got a &ob as a general help in abig supermar#et and recently I #now I'm pregnant. And this time I'm sure it'smy friend and I want to #eep and a future. And that will happen to me. %orwhere there is a will there is a way. And even though I'm not the smartest Ihave a team of good people around me now. ho respect my choice andprovide all the possible help. )he relationship with my parents is good. Andmy friend I'm sure even then he is not the favorite son he is super cra"ywith me. And he is loo#ing forward to the arrival of the little and trying to$nd. Asap a &ob and living So that we can live I can say my &ob and he canta#e care of us. )ogether ery old;fashioned &ust a uiet simple life I loo#forward to.

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I also have a blac# page. And very cra"y but that coincided with my best lifee,perience. 8etting my children. Actually it was my whole life for thewind. ell of life and limb and sanity. A bit stodgy but nothing special. )heonly sadness was that 2ans my great love after a three;year relationshipconstituted to go with someone else. 2e came bac# here again soon. But I had



a lot of grief and my parents were very disappointed in 2ans. But as I said itwas good again. And meanwhile we are already ten years later and have awonderful family with four lovely and healthy children. But this was notwithout a struggle and had a lot of feet into the earth.

As already said we had and have both good and a good &ob. 2ans as arepresentative and I'm in education. And besides 2ans only son also oncewealthy parents who love us something sly. And we recently received aninheritance from a great;aunt of 2ans. But happiness is not in having muchmoney and stu as well #nown. And also we e,perienced this $rsthand.

After a time to have lived long 2ans went during a wonderful holiday in )uscany for me on his #nees. And we decided to get married in romantic

enice Italy has simply stolen our hearts. And friends and family were onlytoo happy that way for three days to celebrate with us. %east )hat step was therefore put and soon followed the other I got

pregnant. And sat on the proverbial pin# cloud. I really felt super nine monthsand could do anything. 4ever was tired and shone li#e the beautiful diamondon my $nger. )he baby was more than welcome and the baby room loo#ed

lovely. And after an easy birth of an hour 2ans 5unior popped out and ourhappiness was complete. ould you thin#.But that was not true straight away went wrong. I loo#ed at the little pin#

person ne,t to me in the cradle and turned uic#ly. 9ould someone that muttdoes not ta#e away from me. hat I needed it. here we were getting intohell. I do not want to but it could not go bac#. And the idea that I was stuc#with this pin# case my life I burst into tears. And I #ept doing. 2owever 2ansbehaved fantastic. )oo# care of me and the child and retired all au,iliariesin. So that everything ran smoothly. 2e did not &udge me and hisdisappointment that there surely must have been he did not notice. But withme it went though worse rather than better. Sometimes I thought what am Idoing here- And there were strange thoughts in my head. I had heard a storyof someone who had &ust had a baby and she after a long search found bac#into the river with stones in the three winter coats and boots. )he death wishwas so very large and well managed. hich of course is terrible because withthe right medication was this young mother rescued and had this terrible nothave to happen.

But that now not then. Jnow but And I felt very unhappy and #new no wayout. And even though I want to hurt my child never really anything but myself though. I could not bear to baby me. And the feeling of antipathy to the childgrew. So from without you everything was normal and I washappy. <nimaginable now but then unfortunately the reality.

At one time it went wrong. 2ans struc# me tangled in the garden in thefree"ing cold with only a thin slip dress and barefoot. )he baby was the openwindow without blan#et and only in his bodysuit. 2ans was early and wouldactually come home until later but his eyes I will never forget. 2eloo#ed. Pic#ed up his phone. Pulled me inside. And made the baby came ontemperature. )hen it went fast. )he ambulance arrived and I was ta#en. Al didnot matter. Because I was out of control. Shouted that I was not cra"y. Andthat the baby had it and not me. )hen the problem was solved. I #ic#ed andhit the brothers and so on. And then it was suddenly silent. Because I was



drugged and only wo#e up in the hospital. 2e was diagnosed with post;nataldepression. %ortunately it had a name and so I was not &ust a sample.

In the hospital e ual action was ta#en and started medication. hat doesnot wor# right away because you have to build a mirror $rst. But after threewee#s I boo#ed pro$t. And I felt a lot better uic#ly. And I was in time to gohome. )he night before I have not slept. Afraid that I would allow dismissive.

)owards the baby But that was not true. 3nce I loo#ed at the beautiful blueeyes of 5unior and these are most beautiful smile con&ured. I was sold. Andrestored our relationship uic#ly. I hope it will have. 4o adverseconse uences in the long term for the child But I do not regret. Sadly for ourchild I thin# it is that he has not made a good start. But it was sheerimpotence. I can not help themselves. /y hormones were &ust confused. Andwho is happily restored with proper medication.

ell that ends well you might thin#. But that is too short;sighted. Becausethe second and third child came as a boy. And that was nice but I was hopingonce also another girl to conclude in my arms. And that happened the fourthtime. %inally the family was complete with three boys and the girl as lags. And

so I have had three beautiful pregnancies after the $rst time. )hen I threetimes brutal my pin# cloud was bumped again and ended up in a future post;natal depression. /y doctor was totally #riegelig because I was neversatis$ed- And it was necessary to always be pregnant. Again hile I #newwhat was coming and our family upside was pulled over again. I thought of itas though it was su ering disease I li#e to call it. 2as not gotten me downand my desire to have children upsets. 4o despite the disease I have putthrough and got what I wanted. And I feel li#e I can ta#e on the world. I'mreally out stronger and $nd it all worthwhile. But opinions are very divided onso really. And 2ans can still be very angry if I so proud and easy to tal#about. But despite that our relationship has survived and we are certainlystronger. And we #now more than ever what we have to one another inprosperity and adversity.

%urthermore I never thought why me- +es why not- I 3ne gets diabetesand I get this. And medical science is not yet ready to be here to answer. Butthat hormones a terrible big $nger in the pie are functioning with us is afact. And that thought I thin# sometimes really scary.

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Sometimes it is very nice to share. +our life But also very di*cult. Becauseyou #now that people thin# di erently when they #now your real story aboutyou. But to ma#e a new start I want to leave my old life behind me and startagain. Especially since I &ust turned $fty and actually had never thought to beso old.

%rom the age of $fteen I started drin#ing. 5ust for fun. But the fun went awayuic#ly. Because I was soon hoo#ed and could not be more o the



boo"e. Even thought it were not too bad though I got up to drin# and I wentto bed with. )he area had not noticed. Because you're young and then youdraw not so fast and you can have some. I also became a ma&or user of chewing gum and mouthwash. But actually I dared not drin# the people not tocome. %ace 4ot at wor#. And I was sha#ing li#e a leaf without drin#s. I do not.%unctioned &ust So I did it with boo"e. 5ust went to wor# and did my thing andno one had anything in mind.

I met my husband and together we witnessed a beautiful wedding. And notlong after our beautiful son was born. Super happy I was. But that would notlast long because in 1F@> I lost my mother. And I can not handle properly. I'vebeen able to give no place and the pain was too much. So I dran# itaway. But that came after the sleep from my da"e of course pruning bac#hard. )o which I of course grabbed the bottle to end up. In a vicious circle inthat way And all day lying on the couch with a hangover. And my drin#ingproblem was trying to cover up with e,cuses li#e toothache headache orsomething. I have had to see# help but did not. hat I did was buy li uor indi erent stores because it was obviously not stand.

)he drin# was now a real problem. %or my husband it anymore. 2e had triedeverything but listen to his advice I did not. I cared only for the drin#. 4ot toour son's house or my appearance. 4o &ust the drin#. /e and everything elsecould be stolen. A snap at he could get. 3nly if I was drun# I was trying to benice. /y way But with double tongue terrible of course. 2e went therefore tocontinue alone.

So here I was with my son and no man. And of course got everything andeveryone to blame but myself. Because the victim did me good and gave mealso a reason more to drin#. And that's &ust what I did no longer at home butalso in the pub. here I learned to #now themselves a nice guy you coulddrin#. A nice drin# with my second husband But once married it appearedthat he had very loose hands. And I got the slightest one blow. Itself is not theeasiest I've put it out and then it was really the gate of the dam.

I can still see me lying on the couch with a glass in one hand and a cigarettein the other. And a buc#et on the 0oor to surrender. It shames me even risesto the &aws when I thin# bac# here. hat a man can sin# deep.

In a moment of clarity I have logged into my rehab. Because I had to reali"ethat it could not go on. But there is a long waiting list and I was somewheredown the list so he did not have.

<ntil I drun# as licorice was so wrong and smac#ed my head against theground. I #eep. /y $rst husband who always contact as brought to thehospital. And then to a rehab. here I was told that I would not live muchlonger do. If I would go through so And after such a message do you want to

cooperate. I #now I do and I did. After three months I was $red. And then thetrouble really began. Actually only Because when I had to do it yourself. Andthat was not easy because I saw everywhere drin#. And with every setbac#or something I had fun fancy a drin# but I did not too#. Because everythingwent so well. /y $rst husband was bac# living with us and too# care of meand my son. And for him but also for myself I had to show that I could at anycost.



<ntil that fateful 4ew +ear's Eve I had my husband as#ed for a glassreplaced. 9hampagne new year But this did not sit and had provided a bottleof children's campaign really sweet but not what I needed for my feelings.

So I went with an e,cuse to the basement. And to brie0y ma#e a long storyas my son loved me with the drin# bottle to his mouth. And somethingsnapped in him he got out of control and that opened my eyes. It was over.Ithas not had a lot of feet into the earth. But I'm pretty drin# for si, years. AndI remain though it is not easy but it &ust.

But I did not smo#e it I was li#e a chimney. Because yes the hole of notdrin#ing I $lled up with smo#e. 3nce addicted always addicted seems. )wopac#s a day I blew e ortlessly into the air. here do you $nd the time youmight thin#. And the money because it was smo#ing and is very e,pensiveand further also $lthy. /y husband gave me a #iss on the chee# rather thanon my full ashtray as he called my mouth.

Also I had no appetite because of the smo#e and I was dwindling. In shortsomething had to happen. And after the battle with the drin# should I still beable to succeed without cigarettes to go through life. And it wor#ed. I as#ed

the doctor for a remedy that would ensure that if you do smo#e you're goingto be. 4auseated And after a few months I was after a few time sin and thecigarettes away very ill. A battle fought again I was very proud of myselfand rightly so I thin#7

So time for the ne,t step. I have always said that the gym is not for me. Butyes I happen to the gene for addictions and this time it wor#s in a positiveway. Because after twice gym I was. So now go every night. Again obviouslye,aggerated. But always better than alcohol and cigarettes. Basically I'm &usta di erent person. I loo# good and have found wor# in healthcare. Because Imay sometimes give something bac# to society I thin#. And I'm re;married tomy $rst husband and my second husband was one of the witnesses. And yeseven with him doing well. %urthermore my son found his niche in life. Andcan I say while I discharge the $fty candles that it is good.And with thatblowing out candles my old life and start anew. I'm e,cited and hope I canstabbing with my story. 3thers who also struggle with these problems ahearten Because you can not sin# deep as there is always a possibility againto recover. But that does not happen and you can not &ust. )he $rst step is torecogni"e your problem and face. And not the stabbing head in the sand. Butsee# help and then it surely come good.

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6et me introduce the name is /oon. And yes spea#ing of blac# pages. I alsostill have one. Because the choices I've made in my life I'm not proud of. But Ithin# so now. 4ow I'm almost forty years and try to set things right.But when Iwas in the middle I found my life actually pretty normal. But that was notit. 4o far from it.



I am small in stature and always sic#ly. And therefore home always got themost attention. I was or not the prettiest or the smartest but I had so goodfor each other. And while my sister has a neat &ob and family life. I'm stillironing attention. hile I actually have made a big mess of there. But hey lifeis not always fair. So I en&oy it while you can.

%urthermore I fall on small dar# men and that includes me with my blueeyes and blonde hair. But to brie0y ma#e a long story. I marry (aan. Anordinary guy )wente. )ype blowhard mind you. (aan also has a history as astal#er. But of course I do not #now yet. )han

3nce married I get pregnant fast. And it turns out to be. )riplets hat not todo for a type I rather la"y than tired is. But his three cute little boys and Ibeat me $ne through the $rst year. /ainly because of my best friend )an&a Ihave a lot of support. hat a centipede is saying. And the way they interactwith the children. 5ust awesome. I can not say anything else. I'm totally happywith this help and support. But that's (aan also. Because )an&a also appearsto be a star. In bed And I am so very sad (aan not. After the birth of thetriplets the sheets &ust hang in there and my libido has dropped to "ero.

And physical contact or the last thing to thin#.And so it may happen that (aan and )an&a sitting together on thecouch. And tell me coolly together to want to go ahead and leave. Beat me toleave. +et I often relive this moment and then wal# me shivers down mybody.So cool and I have in common the people I loved the most trusted andtreated. In order to proceed I grabbed generously to the pills I had beenprescribed. )he 8P And I lived in a da"e and I did everything on autopilot. Andthe empty evenings and nights to come I grabbed the bottleregularly. %urthermore I was playing paid games on the computer. here allmy already small budget went to. I also paid the bills that came out. In fact Idisagree. 6oo#ed at them )hey went straight into the trash. It actually mademe all anymore. Besides the triplets then. Because I #ept it well because Iam a good mother. )he relationship with my #ids is $ne that is from thebeginning been. I love my children and they are also on me. But I had not counted on happening anyway. )he relationship of (aan and

)an&a went on the roc#s and (aan came crawling bac#. 2e could not dowithout me and the #ids. And I #ic#ed it right bac# in. I was in the $rstinstance glad (aan was bac# and had chosen. Anyway for his family 6ater itwas found that (aan was dumped by )an&a and there was a lot of grief. 2estill appeared to see# contact with her and revealed himself to be a truestal#er as had happened. Already once before In a previous girlfriend.

But at home (aan did nothing of his grief brands and he did his best. But forme it was over and out. I was very hurt. But I #ept up appearances. Becauseoutside (aan there were plenty of other problems. Because the notices #eptcoming. And I was more to the ban# than it to escape. )he baili s at thedoor But one day (aan home alone and I fall all the way through thebas#et. 2e will $nd the post and in all states. But then it's too late. )he debtsare too high and the house is then sold not long under duress.



I will lovingly cared for by my parents who are always ready for me. But(aan should $gure it out yourself. And also get all of the blame. Becauseonce a croo# always a croo#. hile he really can not help it. 2ere A divorcewill follow because my parents are no longer accepting (aan. And appointhim as the culprit of all my problems. As the addiction to sedatives drin#ingand gambling. But of course I myself was all ready for him.

And now almost $ve years later the situation is still unchanged I still livewith the #ids at my parents. And let me lean all delicious. It still lac#s forceme to build my own life. Because now everything is nice and uiet. 4o moneyworries a roof over our head and never alone. Because my parents are goodcompany and as long as I behave there are no problems.

So I decided that I all but leave as it is and my fortieth birthday with myparents &ust four. Because why all ripping up everything now. e have it sogood and stand on their own can still. So I wait until the triplets is large andwill ta#e another while so I still have some time. And I'm glad. )he children are well and (aan I no longer see. 2e is very bitter about the

in&ustice that I have done to him. Because yes when your house needs to be.

Sold at auction 3utside you to blame. )hen that is also acid. Especially if youstill remains. ith a residual debt So I can understand that. But sorry I havenot. Because it is in my eyes he deserved. If only he had not mean to treatme li#e this.

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