Reno Sweeny Ellie DBilly Crocker Billy UngerHope Harcourt Tiana IrishSir Evelyn Oakleigh Harry StylesMrs. Wadsworth T. Harcourt Maria Canals BarreraMoonface Martin Dylan Riley SnyderBonnie Taylor SwiftCaptain Wes RamseyElijah J. Whitney Johnny DeppPurser Stephen AmellSteward Jason EarlesPurity Perrie EdwardsCharity Jade ThrilwallChastity Leigh-Anne PinnockVirtue Jesy NelsonChing Kelsey ChowLing Brenda SongDrunk Johnny DeppSailors Passengers

1OvertureOrchestra

2You're The TopReno Sweeney & Billy Crocker

3Bon VoyageSailors & Passengers - SATB Chorus

4It's De-lovelyBilly Crocker, Hope Harcourt & SATB Chorus

5Heaven HopBonnie and Girls

6FriendshipReno Sweeney, Billy Crocker & Moonface Martin

7I Get A Kick Out Of YouReno Sweeney

8Anything GoesReno Sweeney & SATB Chorus

ACT TWO

9Entr'acteOrchestra

10Public Enemy Number OneSATB Chorus

11Let's Step OutBonnie & SATB Chorus

12Let's MisbehaveReno Sweeney & Sir Evelyn Oakleigh

13Blow, Gabriel, BlowReno Sweeney & SATB Chorus

14All Through The NightBilly Crocker, Hope Harcourt & Male Quartet

15Be Like The BluebirdMoonface Martin

16Take Me Back To ManhattanReno Sweeney & Angels

17Wedding MusicOrchestra

18FinaleBonnie, Moonface Martin, Hope Harcourt, Elisha Whitney, Billy Crocker, Evelyn Oakleigh, Reno Sweeney, & SATB Chorus

19Bows & Exit MusicOrchestra

Whitney: (To STEWARD who has followed HIM on carrying bags) Take that thing out of here and take that down to Stateroom 76M. Get me a table in the dining room, reserve a seat at the ships concert, place a $2 bet in the ships pool and find me a young fellow named Billy Crocker, hes got my passport.(STEWARD exits with WHITNEYs bags)Reporter: Will you step this way, Mr. Whitney, wed like to have a picture of you. (To CAMERAMAN) Elisha J. Whitney, you know, Wall Street.(CAMERAMAN takes picture, GIRL poses with WHITNEY)Cameraman: Okay, were through with you, Mr. Whitney. Whos next, Charlie? (Sees Evelyn) Get him, no time to waste.Reporter: Come on sir, Sir Oakleigh, you and Miss Harcourt. Right here please. Society stuff. (Pushes them into focus of camera)Cameraman: What are their names?Reporter: Whats your first name, sir?Evelyn: Evelyn.Reporter: Not her first name, yours!Evelyn: I repeat, its Evelyn. My fiance is Miss Hope Harcourt.Reporter: Get a good roto shot. Theyre sailing to be married on the other side.Mrs. Harcourt: Is this where we stand?Reporter: Look, he cant marry both of you. Which ones the bride?Evelyn: This is Mrs. Harcourt.Mrs. Harcourt: Please, feel free to call me Mother.Evelyn: Righteo, Mother.Reporter: Im sorry, Mrs. Harcourt, we want a picture of the happy couple.Cameraman: Hey, Miss, look happy. Say cheese! Reporter: Hey, Edith, put your arm around her.Hope: Im afraid this is the best we can do. (Takes EVELYNs arm as BISHOP enters with TWO CHINESE)Cameraman: Okay, do you mind moving to one side? Who are they?Reporter: Oh, a missionary and a couple of Christians.Cameraman: Hey, nobody would print that stuff! Get us a gal!Reporter: Hey girlie, wanna be in the paper? Alright, get in there and do your stuff kid. Oh, Bishop, give me a little dope on yourself.Bishop: The name is Bishop Henry T. Dobson, D.C; Ph. D; LLD; Moderator of the Chinese Angelican Church, President Emeritus of the Foreign Missionary Societies of the World, Honorary-Reporter: A swell story for our Chinese edition.Bishop: How about my photograph?Cameraman: We want one of you coming up the gangplank.Steward: Hey! Its Reno Sweeny and her Four Angels!Reporter: No! Are they sailing?Steward: Well they aint planning to swim.Mrs. Harcourt: Who is it theyre making such a fuss about?Hope: Reno Sweeny, the famous nightclub singer, and shes got her four angels with her.Mrs. Harcourt: Oh, yes, the former evangelist. Theres no longer anything exclusive about Atlantic crossing.Reporter: Miss Sweeny, how about some poses? For the Globe American!Reno: I dont care what you take, Sweetie, just so you get my good side.Reporter: Over here girls!Reno: First the old personality, girls. Give them the teeth.Angels: (Spread arms out and smile)Reporter: How about another one?Reno: The Hallelujah, girls!Angels: (Throw their arms in the air and smile)Cameraman: Whats that for?Reno: I still do a bit of evangelizing in my spare time. You meet a hell of a lot of sinners around a night club.Cameraman: Okay sister, but we dont want wings, we want legs!Reno: Thats alright sugar, well compromise. Well give you a wing and a leg!Angels: (Pull skirts up to their left knee and throw their right arm in the air)Reporter: Anything to the rumor that youre marrying the fighter, Hymsie Brown?Reno: There was some talk of it, but he was eliminated in the semi-finals. (Sees BILLY enter) Billy, Baby, where have you been?Angels: Hi Billy!Billy: Ive been busy getting your new cabin. Youve got the suite reserved for traveling royalty.Reno: Thanks a million Billy, what would I do without you?Billy: Youll be finding out in 10 minutes.Reno: Lordy, Lordy, how I wish you were coming along.Angels: AmenWhitney: Billy! Where the devil have you been?Billy: Why, Boss! Hello! Everything all right? Hows the state-room?Whitney: Never mind that, where the hell were you for the past two weeks?Billy: In Washington, taking care of your passport, you know, the New Deal . . . Boss, do you know whos sailing with you?Whitney: No. Who?Billy: Reno Sweeny!Whitney: Reno Sweeny?Billy: I told her all about you. Shes dying to meet you. Oh, Reno, Id like you to meet my boss, Mr. Elisha J. Whitney.Reno: Hello Sinner.Whitney: Sinner? Id like to be.Billy: Great sense of humor (looking for passport) meet the Angels, Purity, Chasity, Charity-Virtue: And Im Virtue.Purity: The easy kind.Whitney: How do you do.Reno: Say hello girls.Angels: HelloWhitney: The cocktail bar opens as soon as the ship sails, Id love to meet you for a drink.Reno: Say goodbye girls.Angels: Goodbye (They exit)Reno: Nice meeting you, if Im not in the Chapel, Ill be in the bar.Billy: Boss, what a trip youre in for! The most beautiful girls in the world and youre right in the middle of them. Now, am I the greatest general manager or what?Whitney: Youre not! Youre fired!Billy: Again?Whitney: Yes, again! Consider those two weeks in Washington your notice! (Walks away)Reno: What was that all about?Billy: That was me being fired.Reno: Great! Then youre coming to London with me!Billy: Thats the best offer Ive had since Ive been unemployed!Reno: How long will it take you to pack?Billy: Well, theres my other shirt . . .Reno: Youll be great! You can sing, you can dance. Billy, youre my new master of ceremonies!Billy: Reno, I dont think so.Reno: Why not? I think youd be marvelous!Billy: Im not the guy for the job.Reno: You think some T-Bag could compete with you? You think hes got one tiny fraction of your brains? Your looks? Your . . .

*Sing* At words poetic, I'm so patheticThat I always have found it best,Instead of getting 'em off my chest,To let 'em rest unexpressed,I hate parading my serenadingAs I'll probably miss a bar,But if this ditty is not so prettyBut least it'll tell youHow great you are.You're the top!You're the Coliseum.You're the top!You're the Louvre Museum.You're a melody from a symphony by StraussYou're a Bendel bonnet,A Shakespeare's sonnet,You're Mickey Mouse.You're the Nile,You're the Tower of Pisa,You're the smile on the Mona LisaI'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop!But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top![BILLY]Your words poetic are not pathetic.On the other hand, babe, you shine,And I can feel after every lineA thrill divineDown my spine.Now gifted humans like Vincent YoumansMight think that your song is bad,But I got a notionI'll second the motionAnd this is what I'm going to add;You're the top!You're Mahatma Gandhi.You're the top!You're Napoleon Brandy.You're the purple lightOf a summer night in Spain,You're the National GalleryYou're Garbo's salary,You're cellophane.You're sublime,You're turkey dinner,You're the time, of a Derby winnerI'm a toy balloon that is fated soon to popBut if, baby, I'm the bottom,You're the top![RENO]You're the top!You're an arrow collarYou're the top!You're a Coolidge dollar,You're the nimble treadOf the feet of Fred Astaire,You're an O'Neill drama,[BILLY]You're Whistler's mama, [RENO]You're camembert.[BILLY]You're a rose,You're Inferno's Dante,[RENO]You're the nose, on the great Durante.I'm just in a way,As the French would say, "de trop".But if, baby, I'm the bottom,You're the top![BILLY]You're the top!You're a dance in Bali.You're the top!You're a hot tamale.You're an angel, you,Simply too, too, too diveen,You're a Boticcelli,You're Keats,[RENO]You're Shelly,[BILLY]You're Ovaltine.[RENO]You're a boon,You're the dam at Boulder![BILLY]You're the moon,Over Mae West's shoulder,I'm the nominee of the G.O.P.[RENO]Or GOP![BILLY]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,[RENO]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,[BOTH]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,You're the top![BILLY]You're the top!You're my Swanee river![RENO]You're the top!You're a goose's liver![BILLY]You're the baby grande of a Lady,and a Gent.[RENO]You're a dress from Saxes,You're next years taxes,[BILLY]You're Pepsi-dent![RENO]You're a prize,You're a night at Coney![BILLY]You're the eyes of Irene Bordoni.[RENO]I'm a frightened frog,that can find no log to hop![BOTH]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,you're the top![RENO]You're the top,You're a Waldorf salad. [BILLY]You're the top!You're a Berlin ballad.[RENO]You're the boats that glideOn the sleepy Zuider Zee,You're an old Dutch master,[BILLY]You're Lady Astor,[RENO]You're broccoli.[BILLY]You're romance,You're the steppes of Russia,[RENO]You're the pants on a Roxy usher,I'm a broken doll,[BILLY]A fol-de-rol,[BOTH] a blop![RENO]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,[BILLY]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,[BOTH]But if, baby, I'm the bottom,You're the top!Reno: Well, Billy, are you going to join the act?Billy: No, Reno, business before pleasure.Reno: But I thought you were just fired.Billy: That doesnt mean anything. He hires and fires me every eight minutes. He forgot this (hold up passport) any second hell be back saying Billy, where the devil is my passport?Whitney: Billy, where the devil is my passport?Billy: Here you are, boss, I wish I were still working for you. Id love to see the faces on those Englishmen when you clinch that amalgamation deal.Whitney: Amalgamation? I forgot the papers! Billy . . .Billy: Dont worry, Boss. Ill take care of it.Whitney: Youre hired again! What would I do without you?Billy: You go ahead and have a good time. Reno, I want you to make sure Mr. Whitney has a good time.Reno: Dont worry, Billy. I have four Angels holding up the bar. (To WHITNEY) Come, let us lead them beside distilled water. (WHITNEY and Reno walk away as HOPE walks on)Billy: (Waves to them before turning around and bumping into HOPE) Hope!Hope: Billy? Are you sailing on the boat?Billy: No, dont tell me you are.Hope: Yes, I am.Billy: Whereve you been for the last three months? Ive been going crazy trying to find you ever since that night. (MRS.HARCOURT and EVELYN walk on deck.)Hope: Billy, I . . . have something to explain . . .Mrs. Harcourt: Hope, dearEvelyn: Hope dear, the mater is crying for her young.Hope: Evelyn, this is Billy Crocker.Evelyn: Put it there, Crocker, old chap. (Shakes BILLYs hand)Hope: This is Sir Evelyn Oakleigh, my fianc. Were sailing to be married in England.Billy: Your fianc?Hope: Yes.Billy: Youre sailing to be married?Evelyn: Yes(Boat Whistle sounds and STEWARD enters)Billy: Then Im sailing too.Hope: Well be meeting again then?Billy: Again and again and againSteward: All ashore thats going ashore! All ashore thats going ashore!(STEWARD, HOPE, MRS. HARCOURT and EVELYN walk away as RENO walks back on deck as the last whistle blows.)Reno: Billy that was the last whistle.Billy: Reno, Im sailing!Reno: So I see.Billy: I dont know just how Ill manage! I havent any ticket or money or cabin.Reno: Theres always my cabin.Billy: I havent any clothing.Reno: I could lend you a nightgown.Billy: Thanks. (Sees Purser walk on) Heres just the man I wanted to see! Can I have a word, Purser?Purser: Excuse me. There are some FBI men waiting for me at the gangplank.Billy: FBI?Reno: Whats happening Purser?Purser: A couple of gangsters are supposed to be on board. The FBI think theyre trying to get out of the country on this ship. I understand one of them is dressed up like a preacher.Billy: A preacher. Ive seen that guy. Ill show you! (BILLY, RENO and PURSER walk off deck as MOON and BONNIE walk on. The violin case MOON is holding falls open, revealing a machine gun)Bonnie: Hey, fix the violin, fix the violinMoon: Im scared to death of this thing! Why did you have to get me a minister costume?Bonnie: Well anyway, you got on board alright!Moon: But I know Ill get into trouble in this get up. I dont know how to be a minister. I dont see why I couldnt have been a cowboy or an Indian!Bonnie: Now you look great in that preacher suit, Moonie. Id hardly even recognize you myself. You just keep your head and well make a clean get away. Ill go find Snake Eyes. (Runs off Deck towards the gangplank as the BISHOP walks on, seeing MOON)Bishop: Doctor! May I present myself? I am Bishop Henry T. Dobson.Moon: Hi ya, Bish.Bishop: Are you going to the conference?Moon: The conference? No, I think Ill go to bed early tonight.Bishop: No, I mean the West Minister ConferenceMoon: The West Minister Conference? No, Im not a West Minister. Im really more from the East.Bishop: What is your field, Doctor?Moon: Why, Im sort of a . . . kind . . . of a . . . a sort of missionary.Bishop: Missionary! Where?Moon: Way, way, way out in ChinaBishop: China!Moon: Way, way out there.Bishop: I served in China for years.Moon: Well I wasnt exactly in China, you see, I was more in . . . in . . .Bishop: Oh, I see. You were in Indo China.Moon: Thats it! I was in Indoor China and you were in Outdoor China.Bishop: Well have lots to talk about. Ill see you later. Ohla, chin-chow, arigotow.Moon: I dont know, but I think its downstairs. Bishop: (Gives MOON a funny look before leaving as BONNIE sneaks up behind MOON)Bonnie: Moonie!Moon: Gee, Bonnie! Im in trouble already!Bonnie: Have the cops seen you yet?Moon: What cops?Bonnie: There are a couple on board looking for you and Snake Eyes.Moon: Howd you know?Bonnie: Ive been trailing them. They told the captain they were looking for a guy dressed as a preacher.Moon: Ooooooo! Youd better take the violin! Where can I hide?Bonnie: Stay away from your cabin.Moon: Why?Bonnie: Theyre watching that. I know! Mix with the passengers, get into a group.Moon: What?Bonnie: Get into a group of passengers, Ill find you later! (Runs off with the violin)Moon: Wait a minute, BONNIE! (Sees the HARCOURTS and EVELYN, deciding to sneak into their little group)Mrs. Harcourt: Evelyn, Im so anxious to meet your mother!Evelyn: Oh, that reminds me! I must send Mater a wireless.Moon: Yes, you should always keep in touch with Mater. Shes a mans best friend!Evelyn: Mater has been horribly upset with all this delay. (Pushes MOON away)Mrs. Harcourt: Oh, shell understand, Evelyn. I wrote to her about Hopes poor health.Moon: You never appreciate good health until you lose it. (Pushes even more into the group)Mrs. Harcourt: (Coldly) Really?Moon: You know, I used to have palpitations in the pulpit and cramps in the crypt. . .Evelyn: Lets go up towards the front of the ship.Moon: Yes, lets. Thats a great Idea! Did I ever tell you-Evelyn: Doctor, do you mind converting somebody else? (The HARCOURTS and EVELYN walk away as BISHOP returns.)Purser: What did he look like? How tall was he?Billy: There he is!Purser: Seize that man! Come on, Moonface. Youre not sailing on this boat.Bishop: What is this? I protest! Help! HELP! I am Bishop Henry T. Dobson. HELP!Purser: Tell it to the FBI![Moon]Bon voyage,

[PASSENGERS]You mean "Bon Voyage".

[BILLY]I hate to say goodbye, sweetheart.[HOPE]By the seashore,

[MRS. HARCOURT]You mean "sur la plage".

[HOPE]Well sit and watch the sea[EVELYN]And share a spot of tea

[CREW]Oh my dearie,

[PASSENGERS]You mean "ma chrie",

[CREW]I'm yours for life,

[PASSENGERS]You mean "pour la vie",

[CREW]So kiss me, pretty wench,

[All]In English or in French.Bon voyage - "bon voyage".[CREW]Oh my dearie,

[PASSENGERS]You mean "ma chrie",

[CREW]I'm yours for life,

[PASSENGERS]You mean "pour la vie",

[CREW]So kiss me, pretty wench,

[All]In English or in French.Bon voyage - "bon voyage".(All but MOON and BILLY leave)MOON: Well. Were on our way!Billy: Youre telling me!Moon: I want to thank you for what you did for me. It was really a great favor.Billy: I dont know what it was, Doctor, but youre certainly welcome.Moon: All that commotion hid me from some people I didnt want to see.Billy: I know, I cant say goodbyes myself. I couldnt say goodbye to a girl and now Im in a hell of a mess. Oh; parson me, Doc.Moon: Oh, I dont give a damn. Hey, wait a minute! You did me a favor, maybe I can do you one.Billy: Im afraid not Doc. My trouble isnt spiritual, its financial.Moon: If its money you want, I can get you some of that.Billy: You can?Moon: Sure, a fellow whos sailing has about 50 grand with him. Very easy going with it too . . . which is natural. Time was when he used to make the stuff himself. Bonnie: (Walks in) Moonie!Moon: Bonnie! Did you see Snake Eye . . . I mean, did you see Mr. Hill?Bonnie: Thats what I came to tell you about.Moon: Did the cops get him? I mean, was he forcibly retained?Bonnie: I dont know about that, but he never showed up. Left me standing there with his ticket.Billy: Is that a ticket? Say, thats just as good as money!Moon: Oh, if its a ticket you want, here! Be my guest!Billy: Thanks very much! Good of you, Reverend!Moon: How about his passport? Could you use this too?Billy: God help me if they ever look at this picture!Moon: Oh, we can fix it so youll resemble it! Give you a little scar here, part your hair differently, then I can break your nose.Billy: Lets not be hasty!Moon: I could break it slowly.Bonnie: Moonie, fix me up!Moon: What?Bonnie: Fix me up!Moon: Oh, excuse me. This is Bonnie. I think you two ought to get acquainted. After all, youre going to be roommates.Billy: Roommates?Moon: Yes, she goes with Mr. Hills ticket.Billy: Sorry, Ive got other engagements. If its alright with you Doc, Ill bunk with you. Goodbye! (Walks away)Bonnie: Gee Moonie; its going to be awful lonesome in that big cabin all by myself.Moon: Now Bonnie, dont bring sex into this. Its bad enough being a minister.

Hope: Isnt it lovely?Evelyn: Ummmmmmmmm . . .Hope: Look at the ocean in the moonlight.Evelyn: Ummmmmmmmm . . .Hope: Isnt it beautiful?Evelyn: Ummmmmmmmm . . . A bit overdone, I should say . . .Hope: And the moon is overdone too, I suppose?Evelyn: No, its alright for what it is; but Ive never shared general enthusiasm for the moon.Hope: Evelyn, here we are on the deck of a ship in the moonlight. Doesnt that mean anything to you?Evelyn: Sorry, old deah, but until I get my sea-legs, Im afraid I just cant rise to it. All Oakleighs are bad sailors.Billy: Hello there! I hope Im intruding!Evelyn: Not a bit. As a matter of fact, we were just about to call it a night.Billy: Id call it a night! As far as I can see, theres only one thing wrong with it. (Looks at EVELYN)Evelyn: Yes, I was just saying; there was a bit of a roll. I dont like being tossed about.Billy: Well be alright once we get past the Narrows. Thats the roughest place on the coast.Evelyn: How soon do we get there?Billy: Youll know when we do. Oh! Oh! Feel that roll! Its starting!Evelyn: Well, I think I shall go below and prepare myself for death, and you, Hope?Hope: Well, I . . .Billy: Oh! Its getting worse! Oh, OH! There it goes!Evelyn: Oh, and here I go, tootle-oo! (Goes below deck)Hope: (Laughing) Was that fair?Billy: Fair? I find you standing in the moonlight with him. I didnt shoot him. I didnt push him overboard. I think I was more than fair.Hope: Look, Billy, youve got to stop this. We met one night. One single night. At a party. We danced, we had a little too much wine. We took a little spin around the park.Billy: A little spin? You call 12 hours in the back of a taxi a little spin!Hope: Nine hours!Billy: 12; Nine with you and three more before I borrowed enough to pay off the thug that was driving. Hope: Well I spent three hours trying to explain to Mother and you werent much help!Billy: I was very nice to your mother.Hope: Telling her you were George Bernard Shaw was nice?Billy: Well, I wanted her to know you were in safe hands!Hope: Well, she wasnt amused. Youd better stay out of her way on this trip, Billy. She hasnt forgotten or forgiven you for that night.Billy: I see youve forgotten. Whats this nonsense about a fianc? Hope: It isnt nonsense! Sir Evelyn and I have been engaged for a long time . . . except for nine hours one night.Billy: (Raises brow and clears throat)Hope: Fine, twelve hours.Billy: Well, as far as Im concerned, its off gain and this sea-going hack is a big improvement over that taxi cab.Hope: Its getting late, Billy. Id better call it a night.Billy: Not yet, just five minutes, please. Just a quick spin around the deck?[De Lovely]

Steward: (Holding breakfast tray) Good Morning, sir.Moon: Good Morning.Steward: Where shall I put it sir?Moon: Where do you usually put it?Steward: Most of them have breakfast in bed, sir.Moon: (Starts undressing) Oh, they do, eh? I guess thats alright.Steward: You dont have to undress, sir!Moon: Oh, no? Thats an even better idea! (Puts coat back on and gets in bed) I sleep up here. I nearly fell out last night when we went around the curve.(Steward gives Moon the tray and exits. Moon is Trying to maneuver the tray as Billy enters.)Billy: What a night it has been! What a dawn! What a sunrise! What on Earth are you doing up there?Moon: Oh, this is where you eat breakfast on a boat. Will you take this thing? Its breaking my legs. (Hands Billy the tray before climbing out of the bunk bed.) Thanks, are you going to bed?Billy: Im never going to sleep on this trip! Listen, Doc, youve got to help me out. I need a change of clothes. Theyre beginning to stare at me up on deck. (Turns to telephone sitting on the desk as Moon leaves to find clothes for Billy) Can you tell me which room Elisha J. Whitney is in? 76M? Thank you.Moon: (Enters with armful of shoes) Here you are, there was a corridor full of them!Billy: Doctor, weve gotta change our cabin.Moon: Why? I like it here! Its very cozy.Billy: My boss is in the next cabin.Moon: You mean the grey-haired man with the short sighted glasses?Billy: He thinks Im back running Wall Street. If he ever sees me on this boat-Moon: Maybe he couldnt see you if I swiped his glasses.Billy: I dont know what church you belong to, Doctor, but brother, youre a Christian.Moon: Oh, we men of the cloth have our frivolous moments.Whitney: Steward! Steward!Moon: Glasses! (Moves to join Whitney) Pardon me brother, but were you calling for a Steward?Whitney: I thought I made that clear to everyone on this boat.Moon: I sent him down the corner for something. Hell be back here in a minute.