assertiveness 1

8/8/2019 Assertiveness 1

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ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS

nsanlara adil davrann, ancak onlarnnsanlara adil davrann, ancak onlarn

da size adil davranmalarn salayn.da size adil davranmalarn salayn.Alan AldaAlan Alda


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11--HISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESSHISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESS

SocratesSocrates

SmithSmith--19751975

TodayToday


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22--WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?

Assertiveness is about selfAssertiveness is about selfconfidence which means havingconfidence which means havinga positive attitude towardsa positive attitude towards

yourself and others.yourself and others.


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Ten Points about AssertiveTen Points about Assertive

BehavioursBehaviours

11--It depends on expressing yourselfIt depends on expressing yourself22--Showing respects to others rightsShowing respects to others rights33--Being honestBeing honest44--Indirect and certainIndirect and certain

55--Mutual equilibrim and benefit is important inMutual equilibrim and benefit is important ina relationshipa relationship

66--It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,thoughts and boundaries by wordsthoughts and boundaries by words

77--Using nonUsing non--verbal comminication for sendingverbal comminication for sending

the messagethe message88--It is not universal, it depends on the positionIt is not universal, it depends on the position

and the individualand the individual99--It is getting social responsibilityIt is getting social responsibility1010--It is not the nature of the hunamkind, it canIt is not the nature of the hunamkind, it can

be learnedbe learned


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Being AssertiveBeing Assertive

11--Being assertive is focusing on yourBeing assertive is focusing on yourgoalgoal

22--Being assertive is being selfBeing assertive is being self--awareaware

33--Being assertive is being true toBeing assertive is being true toyourselfyourself

44--Being assertive is building selfBeing assertive is building self

esteemesteem55--Being assertive is nurturing yourself.Being assertive is nurturing yourself.


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33--TYPES OFTYPES OF


NonNon--assertive behaviourassertive behaviour

Iam not ok,you are okIam not ok,you are ok

Assertive behaviourAssertive behaviourIam ok,you are okIam ok,you are ok

Aggresive behaviourAggresive behaviour

Iam ok,you are not ok

Iam ok,you are not ok

Manipulative behaviourManipulative behaviour

Iam not ok,you are not okIam not ok,you are not ok


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Negative attitude andNegative attitude and

passive behaviourpassive behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low selfLack of self confidence and low selfesteemesteem

Lack of self respectLack of self respect Self putdownsSelf putdowns Negative feelings and thoughts aboutNegative feelings and thoughts about

yourselfyourself Feeliings of inferiority compared to othersFeeliings of inferiority compared to others Like others to be in control of people andLike others to be in control of people and

situationssituations Feel guilty towards othersFeel guilty towards others demotivateddemotivated


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manipulative behaviourmanipulative behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of self respect and lack of respect forLack of self respect and lack of respect for

othersothers

Mistrustful and suspicious of others motivesMistrustful and suspicious of others motives Negative feelings and thoughts about selfNegative feelings and thoughts about self

and othersand others Feel very wary towards othersFeel very wary towards others Dishonest and indirectDishonest and indirect Twist what others have saidTwist what others have said Undermine others self esteemUndermine others self esteem Depressed and demotivatedDepressed and demotivated


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aggressive behaviouraggressive behaviour

Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of respect towards othersLack of respect towards others Put others downPut others down Feelings of superiorityFeelings of superiority Like to be in control of people and situationsLike to be in control of people and situations Disinterested in others thoughts and feelingsDisinterested in others thoughts and feelings Feel angry towards others and are quick to blameFeel angry towards others and are quick to blame

themthem Dont listen to or ask questionsDont listen to or ask questions Dismissive of feedbackDismissive of feedback


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Positive attitude andPositive attitude and

assertive behaviourassertive behaviour

Self confidence and high self esteemSelf confidence and high self esteem Respect for self and towards othersRespect for self and towards others

Take responsibility for selfTake responsibility for self Motivated to do a good jobMotivated to do a good job nterested in others feelings andnterested in others feelings and

thoughtsthoughts

Ask questionsAsk questions Honest and directHonest and direct Listen to othersListen to others Ask others for feedbackAsk others for feedback


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44--SKILLS OFSKILLS OF


a) Broken recorda) Broken record

b) Foggingb) Fogging

c) Negative assertionc) Negative assertion

d) Negative inquiryd) Negative inquiry

e) Free informatione) Free informationf) Self disclosuref) Self disclosure

g)Workable compromiseg)Workable compromise


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55--ASSERTIVENESS BYASSERTIVENESS BY

VERBAL AND NONVERBALVERBAL AND NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATIONIt aint what you say, it is the way that you say itIt aint what you say, it is the way that you say it

Tonation

Tonation

IIwill phone youwill phone you It will be me not any other personIt will be me not any other person

IIwillwillphone youphone you I will not forget!I will not forget!

I willI willphonephone youyou I will not write or visit.I will not write or visit.

I will phoneI will phone youyou It will be you,not any other person.It will be you,not any other person.

Faces and the looksFaces and the looks

Eye signalEye signal

Body imageBody image

Personal spacePersonal space

T

he gestureT

he gesture


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66--ASSERTIVENESS INASSERTIVENESS IN

CULTURESCULTURES

ASIANASIAN

LowLowdegree of individualism ,degree of individualism ,nonassertive.nonassertive.

EUROPEAN,AMERICANEUROPEAN,AMERICAN

HighHigh degree of individualism ,degree of individualism ,assertive.assertive.


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77--HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTSHUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

The right to expressThe right to expresssexualitysexuality

The right to haveThe right to haveneeds and desiresneeds and desires

The right to haveThe right to have

informationinformation The right to haveThe right to have

goods or servicesgoods or serviceswhich have beenwhich have beenpaidpaid

The right to beThe right to be

independent and toindependent and tobe left alonebe left alone

The right to say noThe right to say no The right to beThe right to be

treated with respecttreated with respect

The right to do anything whichThe right to do anything whichdoes not violate the rights ofdoes not violate the rights ofothersothers

The right to be assertive orThe right to be assertive ornonnon--assertiveassertive

The right to make choicesThe right to make choices The right to changeThe right to change The right to control overThe right to control over

body,time and possesionsbody,time and possesions The right to express opinionsThe right to express opinions

and beliefsand beliefs The right to think well ofThe right to think well of

oneselfoneself The right to make requestsThe right to make requests


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88--SAYING YES OR NOSAYING YES OR NO


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Why is it difficult to say no?Why is it difficult to say no?

If I say no,they may feel hurt or injectedIf I say no,they may feel hurt or injected

If I say no this time, they may not like meIf I say no this time, they may not like meanymoreanymore

If I say no this time,they may never ask againIf I say no this time,they may never ask again

They wont take any notice if I say noThey wont take any notice if I say no

They would say yes to me (and so I will feelThey would say yes to me (and so I will feelguilty if I refuse them)guilty if I refuse them)

I cant say no, because I feel sorry for themI cant say no, because I feel sorry for them


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How to say no assertively?How to say no assertively?

Start your reply with aStart your reply with aclear,firm,audible noclear,firm,audible no

Do not justify or makeDo not justify or makeexcuses.Giving a reason is differentexcuses.Giving a reason is differentfrom overfrom over--appologizingappologizing

Feel that you have a right to say noFeel that you have a right to say no

Once you have said no , do not stayOnce you have said no , do not stayaround waiting to be persuaded toaround waiting to be persuaded tochange your mind.Make a definitechange your mind.Make a definite

closure by changing theclosure by changing thesubject,walking away, continiuingsubject,walking away, continiuingwith what you are doingwith what you are doing--whatever iswhatever isappropriateappropriate


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How to say no assertively?How to say no assertively?

Remember you are saying no to thatRemember you are saying no to thatparticular request,not rejecting theparticular request,not rejecting thepersonperson

If the request takes you unawares orIf the request takes you unawares or

you have not sufficent time to thinkyou have not sufficent time to thinkwhen asked,you can always say, I willwhen asked,you can always say, I willlet you know in order to give yourselflet you know in order to give yourselftime to think about what you want to saytime to think about what you want to say

Take responsibility for saying noTake responsibility for saying no--do notdo notblame the other person for asking youblame the other person for asking you

Ask for more information if you need itAsk for more information if you need itin order to decide whether you want toin order to decide whether you want tosay yes or nosay yes or no


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Why is it difficult to say yes?Why is it difficult to say yes?

I dont deserve itI dont deserve it

They might not really mean itThey might not really mean it

I am not really sure that is what I wantI am not really sure that is what I want

I dont have enough informationI dont have enough information


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How to say yes assertivelyHow to say yes assertively

Say yes clearly and definitelySay yes clearly and definitely

Identify why you would find it difficultIdentify why you would find it difficult

Examine thoughts realistically and askExamine thoughts realistically and ask

yourselfyourself

Having calarified thughts for yourselfHaving calarified thughts for yourself

then reaffirm your desire to say yesthen reaffirm your desire to say yes


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Combining yes and noCombining yes and no

yes and no may be combined assertively toyes and no may be combined assertively todefine what we want or what our limits are in adefine what we want or what our limits are in aparticular situation.particular situation.


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99--THE IMPORTANCE OFTHE IMPORTANCE OF

ASSERTIVENESS INASSERTIVENESS IN

ORGANISATIONSORGANISATIONS

AssertivenessAssertiveness

Personal identityPersonal identity

Wages or salaryWages or salary Satisfaction fromSatisfaction from

exercising skillsexercising skills

Satisfaction fromSatisfaction fromhelping peoplehelping people

SocialSocialenvironmentenvironment

Need to dealing withNeed to dealing with

TheirselvesTheirselves

The manager toThe manager towhom they reportwhom they report

Their colleaguesTheir colleagues

Their subordinatesTheir subordinates

Clients or customersClients or customers


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1010--ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS

TRAINING IN WORK PLACETRAINING IN WORK PLACE

BodyBody--language awareness leadinglanguage awareness leadingto work body oriented therapiesto work body oriented therapies

RoleRole--plays and then work inplays and then work inpsyhcodramapsyhcodrama

Awareness of other peoplesAwareness of other peoplesperceptions and so work inperceptions and so work insensitivity groups and encountersensitivity groups and encounter

Looking at situations in the pastLooking at situations in the past

where one was, or was notwhere one was, or was notassertive and hence traditionalassertive and hence traditionalpsychoteraphypsychoteraphy


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Techniques in AssertivenessTechniques in AssertivenessTrainingTraining

Verbal communicationVerbal communication NonNon--verbal communicationverbal communication Anxiety reduction and controlAnxiety reduction and control Anger reduction and control, andAnger reduction and control, and

redirection of this energyredirection of this energy Increase in self esteemIncrease in self esteem Awareness of self and others inAwareness of self and others in

interpersonnal situationsinterpersonnal situations Awareness of social and culturalAwareness of social and cultural

rules of behaviourrules of behaviour


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Problems in AssertivenessProblems in AssertivenessTrainingTraining

The first major problem for assertionThe first major problem for assertiontraining involves negative evaluations oftraining involves negative evaluations ofassertive people by othersassertive people by others

Confusion between assertion andConfusion between assertion and

aggressionaggression Problem involves transfer of training,theProblem involves transfer of training,thedifficulty experienced by trainees indifficulty experienced by trainees ingeneralising assertive from the traininggeneralising assertive from the trainingcontext to realcontext to real--life situationslife situations

Finally some of the difficulties in applyingFinally some of the difficulties in applyingassertion training outside the trainingassertion training outside the trainingcontext may be due to intuitive trainingcontext may be due to intuitive trainingprocedures that are inadequately based inprocedures that are inadequately based inresearchresearch


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The skills of helping the person to commit toThe skills of helping the person to commit to

changing his/her behaviour from nonchanging his/her behaviour from non--

assertive to assertive.assertive to assertive.

You will need action planning skills atYou will need action planning skills atthis stage of the counselling process.Inthis stage of the counselling process.Inparticular, you need to help the personparticular, you need to help the personset clear objectives;a mnemonic whichset clear objectives;a mnemonic which

can be useful is SMART.can be useful is SMART.This stands for:This stands for:

SSpecificpecific

MMeasurableeasurable

AAchievablechievable

RRealisticealistic

TTime orientedime oriented


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TO DECDE WHEN TO BETO DECDE WHEN TO BEASSERTVEASSERTVE

Do you know really what is the situation?Do you know really what is the situation? How much importance it has for you?How much importance it has for you? Will you get what you want?Will you get what you want? Do you want to just express yourself?Do you want to just express yourself? What is your options?What is your options? Do you want an optimistic result?Do you want an optimistic result? Are you ready to be assertive?Are you ready to be assertive? Did you count to the 10?Did you count to the 10? Is it beter to wait?Is it beter to wait?

Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you dont do anything?Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you dont do anything? Have you done your best?Have you done your best? What are the possible results and risks?What are the possible results and risks? Will assertiveness cause a change?Will assertiveness cause a change?


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Prepared By;Prepared By;

Ahmet GrbzAhmet Grbz

Mehmet Mutlu BayramMehmet Mutlu Bayram

Mustafa Giray ZereyMustafa Giray Zerey


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THANKS FOR YOURTHANKS FOR YOURATTENTIONATTENTION

assertiveness 1

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