bap sf peninsula - june 2008 - dad article

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TMBayAreaParent.com June 2008

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When Father

Knows BestBy Dana Young

Theyve heard it all: The Mr. Mom jokes, thequips about being able to spend the day watchingESPN. But for the thousands of Bay Area fatherswho are primary caregivers for their children, life is alot more than fun and games although there is a lotof that, too.

Stay-at-home dads areeverywhere, it seems, con-nected by technology toeach other and supportedby a Bay Area culture that

realizes flexibility is anecessity for todays busyparents.

While it is difficult tofind data on the number ofSAHDs in NorthernCalifornia, Paul Banas,Founder of GreatDad.comand stay-at-home dad, saysthere could be well over100,000 SAHDs in the Bay

Area alone, and 1 to 2 mil-lion nationwide. While theU.S. Census reports only159,000 stay-at-home dads(see sidebar p. 26), it

excludes many who are staying at home for anotherprimary reason they may work from home, or takeclasses at night, and can be available as the primarycaregiver.

This month, in honor of Fathers Day 2008 andthe growing number of SAHDs, we spoke with sev-

eral Bay Area dads who stay home about the joys and surprises of their unique fatherhood.

Matt MaioccoFive years ago, Matt Maiocco, a Lafayette-based

sportswriter who covers the San Francisco 49ers, took

on a new assignment: stay-at-home dad to daughters

Janie, 5, and Lucie, 3. During the off-season, Maiocco

handles the majority of the daytime parenting respon-

sibilities. And, during the football season, he can con-

duct 95 percent of his work via phone from his home

office, which enables him to actively participate in the

raising of his two daughters. Married for more than

seven years, Maiocco and his wife, Sarah, who works

for a financial software company, saw this as a wonder-

ful opportunity for their family.

How do you and your wife differ on child-rear-ing issues?

Im the softy; shes the one who lays down the law.

What are some of the joys?

Im around the girls a lot. I have been able to be

with them and havent missed out on their growing up.

Differences between SAHDs and SAHMs?

I had our littlest one enrolled in a one-day-a-week

class at nursery school called Mommy and Me. Of

course, I referred to it as Daddy and Me, but I was

the only daddy in the class.

Have you ever been referred to as a Mr. Mom?I wear it like a badge of honor.

One thing you want people to know about being

an at-home dad?

I think a lot of people are envious that Im able to

spend so much time with my children and have devel-

oped such a strong relationship with them.

Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?

I regularly take them to the Oakland Zoo thank

goodness for the yearly pass! We can spend hours at

the childrens portion of the zoo. Lindsay Wildlife

Museum is a good spot just to walk around andobserve the birds and animals.

22 Bay Area Parent | June 2008

Its a whole new ballgame for Bay Area stay-at-home dads

Matt Maiocco of Lafayette, with daughtersLucie, 3, and Janie, 5.


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650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 23

Seth TatorSeveral years before Seth Tator and his wife of

six years started a family, they looked at how they

wanted to parent. While they knew people who

had invested a great deal of time locating

providers who are like family, they felt this was

the exception. If you are going to have kids, then

parent them, Tator says. For us, turning over a

newborn didnt fit that mold. In order to make

their decision work, Tator, a former banker at

Wells Fargo, began attending business school on

the weekends. He studies at night and is a SAHD

during the week to his two daughters, while his

wife, a director of operations, works full-time out-

side the home.

How do you and your wife differ on child-

rearing issues?

She is much more playful, while I am a bit

more straight-laced.

What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?

I suppose the same frustrations of being a

stay-at-home-mom the complete lack of respect

for the time demands the role places on you.

Funniest thing said to you about being a

SAHD?

Someone asked me how we handled the

breast feeding as if I was supposed to lactate!

One thing you want people to know aboutbeing a SAHD?

Daytime childrens shows are HORRIBLE.

Do you think society is becoming more

accepting of SAHDs?

Things have changed in three years, there are

less inquisitive looks at playgrounds, and in the

supermarkets, but I am still an odd ball. What

were waiting for is the same thing that would

remove the glass ceiling in corporate America a

removal of unconscious stereotypes regarding

roles.Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?

My daughters all-time favorite ever is

Childrens Wonderland in Vallejo. It has five or

six different play areas, a running stream for the

kids to mess around in, and large grassy areas to

run around on this place really is great.

Vijay BhaskaranPleasanton resident Vijay Bhaskaran assumed

the role of full-time father twice. The first time

was from June 2002 to October 2002, followingthe adoption of daughter Maya. In July 2007,

JILLHAGER

/PHOTOGRAPHY

BY

JILL

I had always desired to

care for my children evenbefore we had kids.

Vijay Bhaskaran, Pleasanton father of

Maya, 6, and Arja, 3


4/6

Bhaskaran took on the primary caregiver role once again

because of his personal desire to be a stay-home parent and

share responsibility with his wife Alna Chandnani, a manager

at Cisco Systems. Noting that the choice was not a financial

one, Bhaskaran says, I had always desired to care for my

children even before we had kids. A former technology mar-

keting professional, he currently manages the household andattends business school in the evenings at U.C. Berkeley.

Whats the difference between you and your wife

regarding childrearing?


fathers day

Dads OnlineWe all know Dads like to play on the Internet, and it

has been a fertile breeding ground for Web sites and

blogs dedicated to the adventures of stay-at-home dads.

Most provide information, resources, connections and

community to the growing number of SAHDs in the Bay

Area. And more than a few provide some excellent (andoften comedic) insight from the get-go. Here are some of

our favorites:

GreatDad (greatdad.com) Because Dads dont

always think like Moms. A leading source of experience,

recommendations, inspiration and advice for dads deliv-

ered from the male perspective. Founded by Bay Area

Parentcolumnist Paul Banas.

Dad Labs (dadlabs.com) Taking back paternity. An

edgy, fun and informative dad-focused Internet show and

Web site that features comedic and informative videos.

At-Home Dad (athomedad.com) Men who changediapers change the world. SAHD-specific newsletter and

clearinghouse that provide resources, information, con-

San Franciscos August Stofferahn with sons Luca, 4, andNoah, 22 months.

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I take more risks and rarely follow the norm. I believe thatkids can be part of our social life, rather than having a sepa-rate adult social life and kids social life.


Explaining to others (especially other parents) that dadsare also great in this role. Many people seem to think there isa hidden agenda or that this is an easy role or that dads arenot as good as moms in this job.

Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?

You must have made millions in the dot-com boom.One thing you want people to know about being a

SAHD?

Dads are terrific role models for kids even though mostwill not follow conventional wisdom followed by moms overgenerations.


We love the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the Oakland Zooand Santa Cruz beaches.

August StofferahnLike Bhaskaran, August Stofferahn of San Francisco has

had two stints as a stay-at-home dad to his children. The firstwas for a year, beginning in late 2005, then again this year.While the decision to leave his job as an attorney to becomean at-home dad was hard, it was one Stofferahn looked for-ward to making. Legal work and staying home with the

boys are both rewarding, though in very different ways. Iwanted to spend more time with them and take a break frompracticing law. He and wife Sarah, also an attorney, havebeen married nine years, and have Luca, 4, and Noah, 22

nections, community and networking for stay-at-home

dads.

Rebel Dad (rebeldad.com) The stay-at-home dad rev-

olution online. An insightful and informative weblog by

a former SAHD. Doodaddy (Doodaddy.net) A San Francisco Stay-At-

Home Dad Getting the Hang of Things. Bay Area Parent

columnist Graham Charles chronicles life as a stay-at-

home-dad to 2-year-old Fern.

East Bay Dads (eastbaydads.com) A community for

dads in the East Bay, EBD is an energetic group of fathers

with infants, toddlers, preschoolers and school-aged chil-

dren.

Mr. Dad (mrdad.com) A Web site from parenting

expert and Oakland resident Armin Brott, founder of

MrDad.com.

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Trying to do too much, and messing up one of the boys

schedules on a daily basis.

Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?

Does your wife work?

Most annoying thing someone has said?

Does your wife work?

One thing you want people to know about being a

SAHD?

You are going to gain a new level of appreciation for your

mother.

Do you think society is becoming more accepting of

SAHDs?

Everyone from moms to nannies to employers thinks its

perfectly fine, but we do live in San Francisco.

How do you think it is different for SAHDs versus

SAHMs?

The work that moms do is much more likely to be taken

for granted.


Old Mill Park in Mill Valley, West Portal/playground,

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Dana Young is a freelance writer living in Oakland.


fathers day

66.3 million Estimated number of fathers across

the nation today. (U.S. Census Bureau)

26.4 million Number of fathers who are part of

married-couple families with their own children under

the age of 18. (U.S. Census Bureau)

159,000 Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in

2006 (U.S. Census 2007). This is up 16,000 from 2005

(143,000 at-home dads, U.S. Census 2006). These marriedfathers with children younger than 15 have remained out

of the labor force for more than one year and care prima-

rily for the family while their wives work outside the

home. According to the data:

283,000 children cared for in U.S. by SAHDs

60% had two or more children

40% had an annual family income of $50,000 or more

35% had children younger than three years of age liv-

ing with them

37% Number of men in the workforce who would

consider stay-at-home fatherhood (careerbuilder.com)

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