barring an act of god

7/29/2019 Barring an Act of God

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Barring an Act of God

The following is a transcript of a recent Late Night with Larry broadcast.

Larry: Thanks for joining us tonight and Im pleased to welcome this evenings guest,Louis S. Seefer, the long time head of General Souls. Hes taking some time out of hisbusy schedule to share his experiences and market predictions with us. Its a pleasure tohave you here Mr. Seefer.

Lou: Please, call me Lou. Most of the time people call me Lou Seefer but lets drop theformalities tonight.

Larry: Alright, Lou, and once again thanks for taking some time to stop by.

Lou: Not at all Larry, my pleasure to be here. Its not all presidents, oil cartels, and majortax authorities you know.

Larry: Glad to hear it, but I imagine you have to focus on the market leaders and trendmakers most of the time.

Lou: Sure, but we are in a big market and in the end its penetration that counts. I mean,just last week I had a chance to meet with two neighboring families who were discussingthe details of getting a dividing fence between their properties. Things were going prettybadly, I mean they were close to a reasonable agreement, when I was able to bringthings back to the main issue.

Larry: The dividing fence?

Lou: No, no - just the division. Whose property was larger, whose dog was relievinghimself where, who would have more shade in the afternoon. One instant sale, and onethat I am counting on for the end of the month.

Larry: Sounds like youve still got it Lou. I mean youve been running GS for, well, aslong as I can remember. Tell us that how you got started.

Lou: Love to Larry. Its a great story that I never tire of. Well it all started when I had afalling out with the Old Man. Back then he was really running the show, you know, theoriginal God Father. It was his way or the highway. Not that we had many highways back

then, but you get the idea.

Larry: Indeed I do.

Lou: Anyway, the Old Man had a sweet deal. Good products, good access to clients,and an army of fanatical staff at his beck and call. Hed practically just have to thinksomething and it would be done. And vision! Taking him on didnt seem very wise, but Iwas young and foolish, well mostly foolish really.


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But to his credit, the Old Man gave me some leeway, and didnt stamp me out the firstchance he had. He didnt see any need. He really believed (and still does) that hisproduct line is the only one with any lasting value.

Larry: I guess hes got a point there Lou.

Lou: No doubt he has Larry, but the customer is king, or at least wants to become a king.

Larry: Wouldnt have it any other way Lou.

Lou: Now were talking. So there I was out on the road, wandering from failure to failure.Anyway, there I was in an orchard one day when an apple fell on my head. Scientificstimulations aside, it tasted delicious and got me thinking. By the end of the month I hadsigned up my first two clients, literally tempting them away from the Old Man. Their dresssense was not particularly well developed, but dramatically improved following

unforeseen changes in their accommodation and food supply. An unexpected surprisewas that one of their sons eventually turned out to be a major investor. Thus I learnedearly on that while I was not in a family business, I was in the business of families.

Larry: Now Im guessing you are a pretty traditional guy Lou. Whats your take on all thisinternet technology?

Lou: Couldnt support it more Larry. One of our big plays is to convince people that theplace to be is on top of things rather than at the bottom of things that is, to focus onthe fleeting, not the foundational. Its a win-win situation: people get to find a few cheapholidays and outsmart their doctor on something like the glycemic index, while we getmindshare that nothing is really relevant unless it arrives in your mailbox personally

addressed to you as part of a competition.

Larry: Short term memory can be measured in mouse clicks.

Lou: Precisely. History becomes a hobby, not a lesson.

Larry: Speaking of history, I guess youre going to miss Jean-Paul, like we all will.

Lou: What a guy! JP was running one of the Old Mans biggest and largely successfulsubsidiaries for over a decade. Sure we locked horns often (ok, mostly my horns), butour customers expect nothing less.

Larry: And what a showman!

Lou: No arguments there Larry. The hats, flowing robes, and the palatial HQ in Rome!Got his own Swiss security team as well.

Larry: Their hats are pretty good too.

Lou: They sure are. Anyway, I repeatedly offered JP the full range of our longevityproducts, at a significant discount with no tangible reduction in benefits. However healways found our product line to be too costly, preferring his own stuff based on a singlebook with the nominal advantages of actually working and being widely available for free.


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Larry: I guess that Microsoft vs. Linux debate is not really that new.

Lou: 10-4 on that one Larry. Thankfully for us JPs organization has a spotty PR record

(which we claim no small part in establishing), and cant quite match many of our shortterm benefits. Also their business plan seems fatally flawed I mean do they reallyexpect their clients to regularly read a few hundred pages of marketing material andattend weekly meetings?

Larry: And what about the new guy?

Lou: Well, hes a little green but dont forget the hats and robes. I mean its a tall orderfor their board of directors to pick two winners in a row.

Larry: Not like the Old Man and his son.

Lou: Well Larry, that was a match made in heaven. The son was a real chip off the oldblock. He took the existing ideas, made some key modifications and then ran with them.For a few years he worked real miracles in the Middle East market, until the local racketboys nailed him.

Larry: Yes that was a bit unethical, even by local standards. I thought the Old Man mighthave stepped in to do some damage control.

Lou: Yes we all thought that. I gave the son a few outs myself, laid it all at his feet if hewould just sign on the dotted line. He turned me down flat. I managed to nab one of hislieutenants, but he burnt out soon after.

Larry: Even so, the sons legacy was significant by any measure.

Lou: Sure, his long term market penetration figures are impressive. His local team tookthe stuff global. But wheres the growth now?

Larry: Certainly nothing like your recent figures!

Lou: Well, we had a great last century - fantastic returns, unbelievable growth and greatpublicity. Its one for the history books. We cant expect compound annual growth likethat to be sustained, but it was a momentous run.

Larry: Every industry has cycles, but that boom was unprecedented. Looking back, what

were the conditions that made it all possible?

Lou: Thats a good question Larry. In the end it seems quite simple. A lot of ourcompetitors believe in this one size fits all approach. Buy the products, go the meetingsand you can look forward to a comfortable retirement.

Larry: Its a familiar claim.

Lou: Yeah, the Old Mans crazy about it. His marketing people must be bored to deathas they have been banging on about being the way for years now. Our strength is thatwe play to your weaknesses, and to those of the people around you. No absolutes, just


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what you can fit into your busy day. More management by subjectives than managementby objectives just be yourself, but worse.

Larry: Lets talk mission statements for a moment Lou. Standard fare these days.

Lou: That they are Larry, but weve never had to work too hard in that department. Someof our competitors are so desperate to distinguish themselves in the market that theyactually write mission statements for us. Never one to turn down a few centuries ofscholarship, we quickly adopted the Seven Deadly Sins (SDS) as our vision of the future(and justification of the past). I mean you cant buy this type of PR.

Larry: Yes, Ive heard of that 7-step program.

Lou: Some people think of it that way. We often present SDS as a program, but thatsmainly to give over-achievers a sense of advancement. Typically we are quite content

with excellence at one or two of the steps, and passing familiarity with the rest.

Larry: Were reaching the end of our time. Whats the future hold Lou?

Lou: As always Larry the future is uncertain. In the end, were all playing in the OldMans patch, and he can turn off the water works any time he wants. Shut the marketdown and call in a reckoning.

Larry: Why doesnt he?

Lou: Well the Old Mans a big believer in the market and consumer choice. He loathesinterfering in daily business, which is great for the rest of us.

Larry: So business as usual then Lou?

Lou: Looks that way Larry - barring an act of God, as they say.

Luke OConnor, March [email protected]

barring an act of god

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