BLACKBUTTERFLY

OTHERBOOKSBYROBERTM.DRAKE

SPACESHIPSCIENCEBEAUTIFULCHAOS

©RobertM.DrakeAllrightsreserved.

Reproductionofthewholeoranypartsofthecontentswithoutwrittenpermission

isprohibited.

PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica

ISBN978-0-9862627-8-4(ebook)

Bookdesign:RobertM.Drake

FirstEdition2015

ImageslicensedthroughShutterstock,Inc.Allrightsreservedtotheappropriatecopyrightholders.

Imagesappearinnochronologicalorder:

RomanSeliutin,conrado,OlenaZaskochenko,Ten03,GuzelStudio,MayerGeorge,OlgaEkaterincheva,

SvetlanaFedoseyeva,NeonShot,EugenePartyzan,mysticlight,ftelkov,AndreasGradin,gpointstudio,NejronPhoto,

NadyaKorobkova,SubbotinaAnna,SydaProductions,CURAphotography,OLGAILYINA,AliyevAlexeiSergeevich,

YuriyZhuravov,YanaZastolskaya,MatusciacAlexandru,BairachnyiDmitry,KristinaStasiuliene,YuriyZhuravov,Jetrel,AlexeyLosevich,GulKar,kiuikson,MaxFrost,

ElenaKharichkina,.NinaMalyna,SubbotinaAnna,NadyaKorobkova,OlegGekman,KaponiaAliaksei,NadyaKorobkova,

ZastolskiyVictor,KiselevAndreyValerevich,EvgeniyaPorechenskaya,Selins,FisherPhotostudio,Serov,Augustino,LuckyLuke,

SvyatoslavaVladzimirska,Pandorabox,SubbotinaAnna,Julenochek,sutulastock,RaisaKanareva,Ariadna22822,EvgeniyaPorechenskaya,

VolodymyrGoinyk,JeanetteDietl,DarkOne,Ase,KiselevAndreyValerevich,WhiteRoom,Radharani,Aboard,

JasonSalmon

Dedicated

toallwhohaveadream

toallwhostruggletwojobstogetby

toallwhohavebeenignoredalltheirlives

toallwhofeelempty

toallwhocannotsleepbecausethereissomuchintheirmind

toallwhohavediedalittleinthenameoflove

toallwhoarecalledweird,strangeandodd

toallwhocreatebecausethatistheonlythingtheyknowhowtodo

toallwhobelieveinsomething

toallwhobreatheandtoallwhoarenolongerhere

thisoneisforyou.

Theworldisfilled

withbrokenpeople

withbrokenlives

searchingforbrokenlove.

Andthatiswhybeing

alonehasnever

feltsogood.

Ican’tseemyselfwiththecrowd.

Ineverhave.

Wearethemanifestation

ofawilddream.

CONTENTS

INNERTRUTHNOONEWILL

THESPACESWELEAVEDESERVETOEXPECT

SAVEYOULOVE&STARS

OLDPHOTOGRAPHSMESSAGESTOYOU

BELIEVEBEBETTER

HEAVEN&HELLFORGETTINGHOW

CONFUSEDLETTERSSHELOVES

WHATIMEANTTOSAYSCARS&DREAMS

HELLOAGAINFEAR

RELATABLECHAOSANDI...

FINDINGNOTHINGBEAUTIFULCHAOS

LETLIVEUNHEARDGLORYIDIDNOTKNOWSMALLHEROES

FEELTHEMOMENTWEMUSTBEMAD

NOAIRHERELOSTWORLD

THINKINGKILLSIWANTEDTOTALK

HEALREMEMBERMEMAKEMESTAYFATALLYYOURS

TIMECHANGESLIFE&DEATH

CLOSERRAINFALL

DEADTHRILLSNOEARS

IAMTHEFIREHOMEISPEOPLESAVEEVERYONE

CLOSESTRANGERMINDS

LOVEMOMENTSTHEWORLDSINUS

ILOVEHEREXPRESSIONSENDLESSWAR

IKNOWNOENDITISNOTTHEEND

NEVERBECOMEBUILD&DESTROYWALKINGBLIND

MAYBEITISTRUEVIOLENTSTORMS

TRAGICLOVELOSTPLACES

IWILLCHANGEYOUNOTATOMB

MACHINESTHATKILLRAINSONG

CRASH&BURNFOREVERFALLING

LIKETHEMOONSAVEUSPROMISE

ITDOESNOTFEELTHESAMETHROUGHTHEAIR

ADANGEROUSSHOREBRIGHTMOONS

LETTINGGOIMAGINE

UNWILLINGDROWNINGINYOUCHANGINGTIDES

ITDOESNOTHURTIDOBELIEVEKISS&KILL

UNDERWATERTHINGSCHANGE

ISEEYOUFEELTHEMOMENTWARONMYSKIN

BORNTOFLYTHECHAOSINMEFINDYOURPATH

STRANGEFICTIONITNEVERENDS

THEWAVESKNOWHORRORSOFTHEHEART

WHOWEAREFALLENDEEPLYDARKDREAMS

SALVATIONINARTEDGEOFTHEWORLD

CONNECTSINSIDEALONEBYTHESUN

BEAUTIFULHORRORSTYPESOFFEELINGS

BEDESTROYEDBURNINGSCAR

ROBINWILLIAMSWILDWIND

RIOTINGBLOOMTHETHINGSICANLOSE

PLEASESTAYTHINGSDOCOMEBACK

BEAUTIFULWORDSNOSLEEP

NOTHINGISLEFTCURIOUSFEEL

DARKSECONDS

NEVERSORRYDONOTWAITLOVEMEANT

ACCIDENTSHAPPENSADSOUL

ALOVERSSMILENIGHTBEAST

TERRIBLEDARKNESSDIRECTIONSTOMYHEART

LEAVEMYLOVEBEHINDLOVELYMADNESS

GOODBYETONIGHTTHELASTREQUEST

BURYMENOWSIMILARITIESDIFFERENCES

PRETENDINGTOLIVESENSINGITALL

MOVINGONWHEREWEBELONG

ARTISPAINI’MSORRYILEFT

RUNCLOSERYOUNGATHEART

OLDFRIENDCALMYOURSTORMS

HEALINGDRUGSEMPTYROOMS

IDONOTFALLEASYUNDERSTANDINGMEUNLOCKEDCAGES

LIVEDIELESSITMUSTBEREALTONIGHTITISUSFREEDOMSENSE

SLIPPINGAIRINEVERLEFTYOU

SCARYMOVIESBROKENHOURS

SHEEATSTHUNDER

GHOSTLYMEMORIESENDLESSREPEAT

TRUTHHURTSBLOOMAGAIN

REBORNDEFEATISLOVE

WHENWORDSFAILCHANGEYOU,CHANGEUS

THINGSSTRIKEMESTOLENMAGICMADEMYSELF

BLACKBUTTERFLY

Loveisaviolent

flowerbloomingin

themiddleofmybones.

InnerTruth

Thefunnythingaboutadviceis,wealwaystellothersthethingswecannotreallydoourselves.

NoOneWill

Iknowhowyoufeelwhenyou’realone,lyingonyourbed,lookingatyourphoneasifit’smeanttobringyoupeacefromallthedemonstuggingatyourhead.

Youaskyourself:‘whointheworldwillloveme?’andyoushouldalwaysrememberhownoonewillnotever,unlessyouloveyourself.

TheSpacesWeLeave

Ican’trecognizemyselflately;I’msomeoneIusedtoknow.IthinkyoutookmewithyouandIwashopingyoucouldjustleavemesomewhereelse,becauseI’vebeenwaitingformyself,waitingforallthepiecestocomehome.

DeserveToExpect

Maybeallthatweareiswhatpeopleexpectustobe.

Onmaybewearemoreandweexpectmuchlessthanwethinkwedeserve.

SaveYou

Openthoseeyesthereissomucharoundyou,andgivethisworldachancetosaveyou.

Love&Stars

Lovewhatlovesyou,butneverhatewhathatesyou.Forhateistheburdentoexhaustthestarsinyou.

OldPhotographs

Wetakepictureswithpeoplesotheycouldrememberusandleavememoriesbehindsotheydon’tforgetus.Andthedifferencebetweenthetwoarethesame.

Weleavethesemomentsintheair,hopingthatsomewheresomeonewillfindthemandmakesenseofeverythingwechosetoignore.

MessagesToYou

MyDear,SometimesIamhereandsometimesIamnot,IlikethataboutmyselfforIamfolded.Butpleaseguidemeintherightdirection,forsometimesI,too,tendtolosemyselfinmyimagination.

Believe

IneedtobelievethatonlyIcanchasemydreams.ThatonlyIcanlightthefireinme.ThatnoonecanbreakmeunlessIbreakmyselfandonlysomeoneelsecanhelpmecarrymypieces.IneedtobelievethatIamdifferentandIamfulloflove.AndifIliveeverymomentbelieving,thenthechaosinmyheartwillbeabeautifulthing,andtheworldwillneverceasetoforgetmyname.

Ijustneedtobelieve.

BeBetter

Howarewesupposedtoloveoneanotherwhenwebarelyloveourselves.

Wearesomuchbetterthanwhattheywantustobe.

Heaven&Hell

Ifoundheavenandhellinpeopleandthoseplacescouldneverbeignored.Becausetherearemoretruthsburieddeepwithinusthananyscienceorreligionwouldevenallowtoreveal.

Thesearethehiddensecrets.

Weareallourownformofdestruction,andourexistenceisanactofourownchoices.

ForgettingHow

Toooftenwefeellikewedon’tknowhowtolive,andtoooftensomeonewilltellyouhow;withoutthemevenknowinghowtoliveforthemselves.

ConfusedLetters

Becausesometimes,thepeopleweneedtosaveus,arereallythepeoplewhoneedthesavingforthemselves.

SheLoves

Then,shebegantobreathe,andlive,andeverymomenttookhertoaplacewheregoodbyeswerehardtocomeby.Shewasinlove,butnotinlovewithsomeoneorsomething;shewasinlovewithherlife.

Andforthefirsttime,inalongtime,everythingwasinspiring.

WhatIMeantToSay

PeopleareallthesamebutyouandI,we’renotlikethem.Sotosaythatwe’llbothstayisn’tyouanditisn’tmeeither.We’retragicallydrawntooneanotherandeventuallywe’llfallapart.Solet’senjoywhateveritisthatwehave,becausewhenwe’redone,Iwouldn’tknowwhatelsetogiveyouotherthanjustanotherstory.Andthatalonemightbethemostbeautifulthingwe’lleverlivetotell.

Scars&Dreams

Sometimes,yourscarshavealotlesstodowithwhereyouhavebeenandalotmoretodowithwhereyouaregoing.

HelloAgain

Andintheend,lettinggowasalotlikefindinglove.Ihadtolearntosaygoodbyetotheonewhogavemethecouragetosayhello.

Fear

Destroythefearinyoubeforethefeardestroysthelifebeforeyou.

RelatableChaos

FromchaostolullabiesIwatchedherlivemythoughts,andsoonenoughshedidbecomemyfavoritestony.Shewaseverythingandwitheverywordshedrewmecloser.Shedrewmeintoherstory,astoryIknewIwouldneverbeabletounderstand.

AndI...

AndIlovedher,allofher,forhowIwatchedhercrawlbeneathmyskinandintomysoul.

AndIlovedher,allofher,forhowshewouldglideovermydarkfieldsandleavetrailsofroseslefttogrow.

AndIlovedher,allofher,forhowshedevouredmewholeandmadesenseofallofmybones.

Butmostofall,Ilovedher,allofher,forhealingmypiecesandguidingthemallbackhome.

FindingNothing

AndforonceIdidnotknowwheretobegin,IfeltlikeIhavebeenlooking,lookingforalovethatIhavealreadylost.

BeautifulChaos

Chaos,leavemenever,keepmewildandkeepmefreesothatmybrokennesswillbe,theonlybeautytheworldwillsee.

LetLive

IwasbornthemomentIfellinlovewiththeworld,becauseIknewsomewhere,someonelikeyouexistedinit.

UnheardGlory

IfthereissomethingyoumustknowbeforeIletyougo;itisthis:inyourjourneyyouwillmeetbrokenpeople,hatefulpeopleandpeoplewhohavelostthesightfortheirglory.

Andthebeautyofitallisthis:Iwilltellyoutolovethem,tolovethemdeeplyandshowthemhowsomeofusstillcare.

Nevergiveuponthem,fortogiveuponthemistodestroyareflectionofourselves.

IDidNotKnow

Icouldn’tfindthewordstosaveyou,tomakeyoustill.

AndIburiedmyselfintheregretuntilIbecameit.

IfonlyIhadknown,thenperhaps,youwouldhavestayed.

SmallHeroes

Howbeautifullyblindarewetoignorethesmallestthingsinus,foritisthesmallestpartsinus,thatgiveusthepowertodothemostbrilliantofthings.

FeelTheMoment

Whenitwasover,nothingdefinedus;otherthanthemomentsthatmadeusfeelfree.

WeMustBeMad

Itmustbemadnessthewayweletthingsdevourus,thewayweletthethingswewantoutbackin.

Andthehorrorofitallisthis:westayattractedtoeverythingthathurts.Weclingtoitandneverreallylearntoletgo.

Soperhaps,wedowanthappiness,butwealsodesiretokeepthepainclose.Closeenoughtodestroyus,closeenoughtodefineusandcloseenoughtomakeusfeelalittlelesscold.

NoAirHere

IcannotsaythatIdonotwanttodrown.IjusthopeitisyouthatwillbetherewhenIletgobecauseyouarethereasonIlosemybreatheverytimeItrytobreathe.

LostWorld

Maybethatistheproblemwiththeworld.Wedonotknowwhattofeelandwedonotknowhowtobeourselves.

ThinkingKills

Wethinkweoweeveryonesomething.Wethinkweneedtoexplainourselvesandwethinktoomuchaboutthinkingtoomuch.

Anditisfunnyhowwethinkweknowitall,buttherealityisthis:everythingwethinkthatbringsusclosertogetheriseverythingthatsetsusfurtherapart.Andoverthinkingofhowdifferentweallare;isfailingtorecognizeofhowconnectedweallcouldreallybe.

IWantedToTalk

IttookmeyearstounderstandthatthemoreItriedtosettleherflamesthebiggerherfiregrew.AndthemoreItriedtocontrolher;thefurtherIpushedheraway.

Andwhenshewasfinallygone,sheleftnothingbehind.AndforsomereasonIstillthoughtofher;Istillhopedthatmaybesomewhere,someonehasfoundherandhasfinallylearnedhowtosetherheartfree.

Heal

Tochangetheworldwemusthealourwomen,becauseitisthewomenwhoteachushowtolove.Andifamancanlearntolove,thewayawomanlovesachildthenthatmanwillseetheworldinadifferentlight.

Theworldwillneverbethesame.

RememberMe

Ihopethereissomeonetorememberme,whentheworldhasforgotten.

Ihopethereissomeonetoloveme,whenlovehasforgotten.

Ihopeitisyouwhofindsme,whenIhavelosthopeineverythingIusedtolivefor.

MakeMeStay

Allthepeoplewehavemetandallthepeoplewehaveyettomeetaremeanttoexistsowecanfindthem.Sowebothcouldexchangeasetofdirections,directionswhichwillguideustothenextplacewearemeanttogo.

Andaswego;wemustalwaysbelievethatmaybethiscouldbeourlaststop.Thatmaybethenextpersonwemeetwillnothaveasetofdirections,thatmaybetheywillhavemoreandthatmaybetheywillofferussomethingbeautifulenoughtoinspireustostay.

FatallyYours

Ourfateliesinthehandsofthethingsweloveandsometimesthethingswelovearethethingsthatleadustothefataldestructionofourselves.

TimesChanges

Thehardestpartisacceptinghowpeoplechangeandthatalonechangeseverything.

Life&Death

Howbeautifulitistoliveinaworldwherenothinglastsforever.Wemustlearntofallinlovewiththeloveinsideus.

onlythen,everymomentlivingwillbeeverymomentworthdyingfor.

Closer

Becausesometimesitnevermakesanysense;themoreItrytoforget,themoreeverythingremindsme.ThemoreItrytorunaway,thecloserIamtoitall.ThemoreItrytobedifferent,themoreIrealizethatIamthesame.

Becausesometimesnothingevermakesanysense,butalsobecausesometimeswhatdoesn’tmakeanysenseiseverythingIneedtodefineallthatIfeel.

RainFall

AndallIcouldrememberwasthetwoofuslyingonthegroundandlookingatthesky,wishingforittorain.Inhopesthatmaybewebothcouldlearnalittlesomethingaboutfallingthewaytheskywroteitontheclouds.

DeadThrills

Ittakesacertainkindofcouragetolove.ItisnoteasyandIalwaysknowhowthesethingsend;sometimesdullandsometimesboring

Peopleareeasytolosethethrillofbeingwiththesameperson,especiallyforalongtime.

Wearelikethatandnothingeversurvivestime.Giveanythingalittletime,andsoonenoughthatclockwillend.

NoEars

Sometimes,wehateourselvesforthefeelingsweignore.

Maybethatistheproblem;wedonotlistentoourselvesuntilitistoolate.

IAmTheFire

Listen,Iamnotsomeonewhoiseasytolove.Iamnotsomeonewhoistobetakenlightlyandmostofall;Iamnotsomeonetoburn.

ForIamthefire,mysoulisonfireandeverythingIlivetotouchbecomesonewiththefire.

Soaskyourselfifyouarewillingtoburn,becausethemomentyouopenyourselftome,Iwillhavenochoicebuttoscorcheverythingthatdefinesyou.AndwithoutregretIwilldevourandIwillleavenothingbehind.

HomeIsPeople

Therewillbetimeswhenwefeellikewearemeanttobealone;likethisloveweseekisnotrealandwecreatedittomakesenseofouremptiness.

Andbecauseofthat;sometimes,someofusbecomebitterwiththeideathatloveisonlytheanticipationoffindingsomeonewewillneverlivetomeet.

Soweliveourliveslookingforsomethingtofillusandgiveusmeaning,onlytodiscoverthatintheend,lovewasnevermeanttobereceivedbyoneperson,butratherallthepeoplewhomadeusfeelathome.

SaveEveryone

Andeverynightshewouldchangeherself,stayuplateandgrowdeeperinlove.Shewantedtoloveitall,everythingandeveryone.

Andhowironicwasit,shewantedtosavetheworld,thesameworldwhocouldnotrememberhername.

CloseStrangers

AndinthatmomentallIcouldrememberwasourgoodbyeandhoweverymomentspentwaslikeIneverknewyouatall.

Minds

Weareallborntosufferfromtruthsandweareallborntolivefromlies.

Andsometimesthedarknessfeelsclosertoheaventhananylightthatmightdirectusclosertohell.

LoveMoments

Tragedieswillalwaysbefoundinthethingsweloveandifwearenotwillingtoseethebeautyinlosingsomethingthatmeanstheworldtous,thenimaginehowterribleitwillbetoliveforthem.

Wemustalwayswelcometheendofallthings.Forsometimesknowingnothinglastsforeveristheonlywaywecanlearntofallinlovewithallthemoments,andallthepeople,thataremeanttotakeourbreathaway.

TheWorldsInUs

Theworldtellsuswearedifferent,andIlaugh.Ilaughbecauseweareallproductsofitsmisery.

Weareallaloneandlost;thesamewaytheworldstaysintheheartofitall.

Aloneandlostbetweenthedarkness.

Aloneandlostwearethesame.

ILoveHer

Andshealwayshadawaywithherbrokenness.

Sheshouldtakeherpiecesandmakethembeautiful

Expressions

Icouldneverseetheworldinthesamelight,becauselovehasmademebelievethatsometimesthesoulcouldfeelthethingsthatthebodywouldneverbeabletounderstand.

Andthatwithinitselfwouldbetheperfectexpression.WhereallthethingsIsharedwiththeworldwerenevermeanttobeunderstood,butrathertobepoureddeeplywithintheirheartsandbefelt.

EndlessWar

Afterall;warisallthatweareandeverythingwedoisfoughtlikeone.Wefighttosurvive,wefightforpeopleweloveandwefightagainstourselves.

Andthesewarsaretheonlythingsthatmakesensetous.Itisallwehaveeverknownandthatalonehaseverythingtodowitheverythingwefeel.

Anditisbeautifulhowthewarinsideusistheonlythingthatismeanttomakeusfeelsafe,againstaworldthathasbeendesignedtoripusapartfromthemomentweareborn.

IKnowNoEnd

Iwasbornintotheworld;inallitsbittergentleness.

IwakeupbeneaththecoldanditisheavybutIcanstillbreathe.

Theshowmustgoon,ImustgoonandIwillneverendliketheloveithasgivenme.

ItIsNotTheEnd

ThecloserIgottopeople,themorealoneIfelt.AndtheirfaceswouldsaymoreaboutmethanIcouldeverofmyself.

MaybethatiswhyIfeltsoemptysometimes.Ileftmypiecesintheplacesthatfilledme.

Andintheend,IlostmyselfineverythingIknewIloved.

NeverBecome

Wewillneverbehappy,becauseourexpectationofhappinessisalwaysevolving.Andasweevolveeverythingchanges.Eventhelovewehavenowbecomessomethingofyesterdayandtheanticipationofthethingswedesiretomorrow;arethethingsthatfillouremptinesstoday.

Andasweevolve;nothingstaysthesame.Wewillalwayswantmoreevenifwhatwehavenowisenough.

Thisisthedestructionofbeinghuman.Wecreatetheillusionofhappinesstomakesenseofthedisappointmentswehaveyettolive.

Andsometimeswedofindhappiness,butevenso,sometimesitisnotmeanttolastsforeverandthatwithinitselfisabeautifulthingtoevolvefrom.

Build&Destroy

Findsomeonewhoisworthtakingyouawayfromtherealityyouhavebuilt.

Andbecomesomeonewhowillinspireotherstodesignarealityworthbuilding.

WalkingBlind

Wearetoofasttojudgethefaultsinothers,buttooslowtojudgethefaultswithinourselves.

SometimesIfeellikeIamwalkingbackwards,andrunningincirclesoverandoveragain.

MaybeItIsTrue

Maybewefeelemptybecauseweleavepiecesofourselvesinallthethingsweusedtolove.

ViolentStorms

Shebroughtoutthestorminpeoplebecausesheknewwhereverthereweredarkskiesandwildwindssleptatruth.Atruththatdescribedhowmuchloveonecanleavebehindthemomenttheyacceptallthepaintheyhavelived.

Andthatisallsheeverwanted,foreveryonearoundhertoembracetheirstormsandmakelovetotheirownviolentwinds.

TragicLove

HowelsedidIthinkthiswasgoingtoend?Yes,itdidhurtitalwaysdoes.Iwasjustthatkindofperson.ThekindofpersonwhowouldalwaysbelieveinthebestofpeopleandIbelievedinherasIwatchedherkillmeslowly.

AndIdidwelcomethepain;therewasnootherwaytolive.Shemademeknowwhatitwasliketofeelandthatwasimportanttome.

AndasthetimepassedIstillthoughtabouther,andmaybeonedayIwouldbeabletofindher,andthankherforthetragedybecauseitwasexactlywhatIneededtosetmyselfapart.

LostPlaces

Somepeoplearelostintheirheads.Somepeoplearelostintheirhearts.Andsomepeoplearesolosttheyfindthemostbeautifulplaces;thatsomeofuswillneverlivetofill.

IWillChangeYou

Ifever,youfindyourselflostinme,tellmewhatyouseebeneathitall.

Andifitisbeautyyouseekinmadness,thenIwelcomeyoutostay.

ButIcanonlypromiseyouthis,aftertonightyouwillnever,neverbethesame.

NotATomb

Thisworldisnotatombforourlove.Thisworldisadooranditisthedoorinwhichourbodiescollideandwhereoursoulsbecometidalwavesthatdonotdestroyastheyexpand,butrathertheycollectourmemoriesastheyrecede.

Thisworldisnotatombforourlove.ThisworldisjustthebeginningandwhenourbodiesdetachthemselvesfromthisplaceyouandIwillfindeachotherandourstorywillnotend.Wewillnotendandinthenextlifewewillstironeanotheruntiltheoceansinmereflecttheskiesinyou.

Thisworldisnotatombforourloveandthoughwebothknowthatthisworldwillend,butitwillnotbeourtomb.

MachinesThatKill

Howdistanthavewealltrulybecome;tobelievethattheonlythingsthatmakeusfeellikeweareapartofeachothers&lives,arethemachineswecreatedthatdriftusallfurtherapart.

RainSong

Andtherewerealwaysthosenightswhereshepreferredtherainoverpeople.Becausetherainwouldremindherofhowsheshouldfeelandpeoplewouldremindherofallthethingsshealwayswantedtoforget.

Crash&Burn

Iadmitshehadalittlemadness,butIdidn’tcare.ShewasmagicandIwasontheedge.ShewantedtofallandIwantedtofly.Andsomewherein-betweenwelostdirectioninourheads.

WecollidedandIlostmyheartonimpact.

ForeverFalling

Falldeeplyintosomethingindefinable.Believeme,itisabeautifulthing.Letitgrowinsideyouuntilitbecomesyouandthenletitgrowsomemore.

Andwhentheindefinablebecomesthefamiliar,thenIurgeyoutokeepgoing,tokeepfinding,therewillalwaysbemore.Thatisyourroleinlife;tokeeponexperiencingyourselfuntilyouknowsomuchthatitterrifiesyou.

LikeTheMoon

Shecouldnotmakesenseofthethingsthatweremeantforher,butshewasdrawntoitall.Andwhenshewasalone,shefeltlikethemoon:terrifiedofthesky,butcompletelyinlovewiththewayitheldthestars.

SaveUs

Ican’ttellyouexactlyhowitwillend,butIcansaythis,whenitbegins,itwillfeelliketherainandwhenitends,itwillfeellikethefire.

Andthetruthis,wearebothbeautifullymadenoughtobelieve,thatmaybelovewasmeanttosaveusfromourselves.

Promise

Lovemelikethereissomethingintheairanditiskillingussoftly.

Lovemeforever,lovemeslowly,lovemetillyoudieandifweeverloseourway,promisemethatyouwillfindmeinallthemomentswhereItookyourbreathaway.

Promiseme.

ItDoesNotFeelTheSame

IfeelcertainthatIwillnotreturntotheworld,thatthelovethatflowswithinmewillneverstopconsumingme,forithastakenmeawayfromitall.

Andthatisexactlywhathappenstouswhenwefallinlove.Wedisregardtheworldandeveryoneinitandbelievethatnothingreallymattersbeyondthispoint,butthetruthisthis:sometimeswecheatourselvesfromunderstandingthatwhenwereturn;theworldmightlookthesamebutitwillnotfeelthesamewayatall.

ThroughTheAir

Weburnedthroughtheairandweconvincedthefirethatwe,too,wereworthyoflightinganyroomanddimmingslowlyandsoftly.

Andtogetherlikethesunweroseandmanifestedbrightly,andtogetherlikethesunsetwefadedoffmagnificently.AndforthatmomentintimeIknewwhatwehadwasmeanttobeunforgettablybeautiful.

Andthatwasjustwithoureyes,imaginewhatitwouldbelikeifever,wesaidhello.

ADangerousShore

Maybeitwasn’ther.Maybeitwasjusteveryoneelse,andmaybethat’swhywecouldn’tunderstandher.

Maybeshewasanoceanandmaybeshejustalwaysmadeusallfeellikewewerelostatsea.

BrightMoons

Therewasaflowerinherheart;itjustneededmoreroomtobloom.Andwhenshesetitfree,sheshowedtheworldthatsometimesthemostbeautifulthingscangrowinthedarkestofplaceswithouttheneedoflight.

LettingGo

Thehardpartispretendingnottogiveafuckwhenyoureallydo.

Theworstpartistryingtocloseyourheartwhenitsdoorshavebeenblowntopieces.

Imagine

Thereissomethingfargreaterthandeathandthatistobeignored.SometimesIthinkofallthefacesIhavecomeacrossandallthefacesIhaveforgottenandhowterribleitistocomeandgo.

Imagineyoumeetsomeone,andcompletelyforgettheyexistedthenextday.Inaway,thisishowweallliveourlives.Wetendtoonlycareaboutthemomentsthatmakeusfeelsomething;untilwecompletelydevourthelifeoutofthemandmoveontothenextmomentthatmightmakeusfeellikeweareallworthalittlemorethanthatofthenightbefore.

Unwilling

AndwhenItoldmeIfeltdisconnectedfromitall,itreallymeantIneededyoutosaveme.

Savemefromallthethingswewerebothunwillingtoletgo.

DrowningInYou

MaybeIamalittlecrazy.

Crazyenoughtolovemadlyandcrazyenoughtolovelikepainwasnevermeanttoreachtheshore.

ChangingTides

Thereisnothingmoredangeroustoanyformofgovernmentthananentiregenerationwhoknowshowtodreamandbelieveinthemselvesenoughtochangeandreinventitall.

ItDoesNotHurt

Maybeitisjustthewaywearewhenwearewitheachother.Wecannotgetittogetheroragreeonanything.Andmaybethatiswhatattractsus;thefactthatyouandIknowwhatisbestforoneanother,butwearejusttooafraidtoacceptit.Eitherway,IamnotsureifIcaneverletgobecausedeepdowninsideofmeeverythingbeginstohurtthemomentIfeellikelookingaway.

IDoBelieve

Donotwaituntiltomorrow,tomorrowisnotreal.ThereisonlynowandrightnowIneedyoutobelieveinyourselfmorethanIbelieveinyou.

Kiss&Kill

Lovingmewillnotbeeasy.

Itwillbewar.

YouwillholdthegunandIwillhandyouthebullets.

Sobreathe,andembracethebeautyofthemassacrethatliesahead.

Underwater

Youarenotwhoyouarewhenyouareabovethewater.

Youarewhoyouarewhenyoureturnbacktotheoceanandyourememberwhatitfeltlikewhenyousawthesky.

ThingsChange

IknowIhavenotbeenthesameandIknowtherearetimeswhenIlookatyouandIfeellikeIamstaringatsomeoneIbarelyknowanymore.Andwhatkillsmethemostis;thatIknowdeepdowninsidewhenyoulookatme,youareprobablyfeelingthesamething.Andthereisnootherwaytodefinethisthanmelosingmyselfhereandyoufindingyourselfsomewhereelse.

ISeeYou

Thetruthis,shedidnotneedtobesaved;shejustneededtofeellovedandknowthatsomeoneouttherecravedherattention.

FeelTheMoment

Sometimeswejustneedsomeone.Itdoesnotmatterwhoitis.Justsomeone,someonetoremindusofwhatitisliketoliveinamomentandfeelsomethingbeforewewalkaway.

WarOnTheSkin

Howviolentlybeautifulwoulditbetoleaveyourmindhereandyourbodysomewhereelse.

Thisisthewayyoumakemefeelwhenyourfingertipsdeclarewaronmyskin.

BornToFly

Youhavethoughtaboutwhattheworldthinksforsolongthatyoucouldhardlyrecognizeyourselfanymore.

Imagine,beingborntoflybutbeingplacedinacagewhereyoucouldbarelystretchoutyourownwings.

Youcouldstillbesomanythingsandthereissomuchmoreofyoutobefound.

Sofly,flyawayandneverreturntoaworldthatmakesyoufeellikeyouaretrapped,andyoudonotknowwhoyouare.

TheChaosInMe

Theworstthingyoucoulddoistamethechaosinyou.Itislikebeingtoldnottofeelwhenyouarewalkingthroughthefire.

FindYourPath

Don’tthink.Itcomplicatesthings.Justfeel,andifitfeelslikehomethenfollowitspath.

StrangeFiction

Perhaps,insomesense,whatweconsiderrealityisinfactthestrangestpieceoffictionwewillalleverlivetoknow.

ItNeverEnds

Ibegantohavesymptomsofyou.Ibegantothinkandtalklikeyou.Ilaughedlikeyou,IwalkedlikeyouandIevenbegantosmilelikeyou.ImissedyousomuchthatIbecameyou.

Andastheyeanpassed;Iheardrumorsthatyoubecamemetoo.Andwhenwefinallycrossed,westoodsilentlyinfrontofeachotherandIfeltlikeIfellofftheedgeoftheearth.

Iknewwhatwehadwasnotover,wewerenotdoneandwedidnotknowhowtomakeourloveend.

TheWavesKnow

Andtheoceantaughtherhowtodrowninallthethingsbiggerthanherself.Theoceanlovedherandkneweverythingthatmadeherandeverytimeshewouldwalktotheshore,shewouldsmileattheoceanbecausethewavesknewherstory.

HorrorsOfTheHeart

Shewasnevercrazy.Shejustdidn’tletherheartsettleinacage.Shewasbornwildandsometimesweneedpeoplelikeher.Forit’sthehorrorsinherheartwhichcausetheflamesinours.

Andshewasalwayswillingtoburnforeverythingshehaseverloved.

WhoWeAre

Wespendourliveslookingforreasonswhytostaybutsometimesleavingistheonlythingwearemeanttoshare.

Sowhytrytobeanythingmorethanwearemeanttobecome.

Maybecomingandgoingiswhatmakesuswhoweare.

FallenDeeply

AndeverytimeIlookatyou,Icanfeelsomethingstirringinsideofme.Likeacollectionofdyingstarsdrowningbeneaththewaves.

WavesthatbelongtoyouroceanandIhavefallendeeplywithoutreallyknowinghowfaritallcouldgo.

DarkDreams

I’mnotwhoIwasyesterdayandmaybeyou’restillthesamepersoninmymemories.Ican’ttellthedifferencebetweenwhatwasandwhatis.Ijustknowbeneatheverythingyouleftbehind,Ifoundadarkparadise,whereyouandIwereforeverandyouandIwereone.

SalvationInArt

Iwouldliketobethenecessaryandnottheobvious.Iwouldliketobetheonlythingthatcouldexistinyoursentence.

Iwanttobemorethanjustwords.

Iwanttobeyourart,Iwanttobeyoursalvation.

Artistheonlythingthatallowsustobeourselves.

EdgeOfTheWorld

Ihavelettoomanynightspasswithouttellingyouhowyourloveissobeautifulandfull.AndhowitbloomsinthedarknessandhowitistheonlythingIcansee;distantlyburninglikeacandleontheedgeoftheworld.

ConnectsInside

Ifyoueverforgetwhoyouare;alwaysrememberthatyouareeverythingyouknowyouarenot.

Andifyoucannotrememberthat;thenrememberthis:youareeverymomentthatismeanttoberemembered.Youareeverythingthatmattersandyouareeverythingthatmakessensetoallthelittlethingsthatconnectinsideofyou.

AloneByTheSun

Justtothinkwesharethesameskyandbreathethesameair.Perhaps,thatisallIwilleverneed.

Toknowthatmaybesomeoneouttherewasmeantforme.

SoIwouldnotfeeltooalone.

BeautifulHorrors

Leaveyourhorrorswithme,theyarebeautiful.Leaveallthethingsyouhavealwayswantedtoforgetandleaveeverythingelsethathurts.Iwillshowyouthatyouarenotcrazy.YouarejustalittledifferentandIhavealwaysbeenasuckerforthat.

TypesOfFeelings

Youbegintofeellikeyouarenotyourselflately.Youbegintolaughandyoubegintosmilealittlemoreoften.Andforasecondtimeyoubegintodiscoveryourselfagain.

Thisisthekindoffeelingpeoplehavewhentheystarttobelieveinsomethingbiggerthanthemselves.AndthisisthekindoffeelingIgetwhenIamlost;submergedsomewheredeepinsideofyoursoul.

BeDestroyed

Theremustbeaboutamillionwaystoletyourselfbedestroyed,butthenthereisyouandIthinktonightIaminthemoodtobreakapartandletmyselfbeconsumedbyallthethingsIknowIwouldneverbeabletorecoverfrom.

BurningScar

Andintheend,sheleftascarandIknewthatwashowshewantedtoberemembered.

Shewantedtoleavehermarkintheworldwithoutgettingherhearttooattachedtoit.

RobinWilliams

Icouldnevertakemyselftooseriously.Iwantedthewholeworldtosmilewithme,andIwantedtofilltheiremptyspaceswithlaughter.

SowhenIdepartedfromtheireyes,theirheartswouldrememberhowbeautifulitistofeel.

WildWind

Ifonlyweknewhowtostopwaitingforallthethingsthatarenotmeanttoarrive,thenperhaps,someofuswouldfinallyletgoandlearnhowtoflyagainstthewildwind.

RiotingBloom

Shedidnotfindthegriminfallingapart,foreverytimeshefoundherselftobebroken,sheknewthatshewasbrutallyremakingherselfandcollapsingtoberebornlikeariotingstar;hauntingthedarksky.

TheThingsICanLose

WithoutalittlemadnessIwouldn’tbeabletofeel.AndifIcan’tfeelthenI’lllosemymind.AndifIlosemymindthenI’lllosemywords.

ThisishowIlove,madlyenoughtolosemyselfandfeelallthethingsIcan’tputintowords.

PleaseStay

Thebeautyofnotknowinghowyoufeelisthatonedayyouwillrealizethatnotknowingwastheonlywayyouwouldfindallthefeelingsthatweremeanttostay.

ThingsDoComeBack

Iknowwhenwegowecomebackasthethingsweadmiredmost.SowhenItoldyouIadmiredautumnandyoutoldmeyouadmiredthewaychildrenlaugh;thatstuckonme.Andintheend,Iknowsomeofuswillcomebackastherain,whileotherswillcomebackasflowers.

SoifIcomebackasafallingleafstumblingtowardstheground,justpromisemeyouwillcomebackintheimaginationofachildandyouwillinspiremetobecomesomethingmorethanwhatIreallyam.

BeautifulWords

Youaregoingtocomeacrosspeopleinyourlifewhowillinspireyou,loveyouandchangeyou.

Andthatisararething.

Buteveryonceinawhileyouwillcomeacrosssomeonewhowillcompletelyrobyoufromyoursleep,andthosearethepeoplewhoarejusttoobeautifultoputintowords.

NoSleep

Dreamswerealwaysdrawntocallhernameandrealityjustcouldnotlearntolethergo.

NothingIsLeft

Somepeoplearemeanttostaywhileothersaremeanttoleave.Andthereisreallynodifferencebetweenthetwoexceptthewayyouchangeafteryourealizeyouhavenothingelselefttogive.

CuriousFeel

Wearehere,butbeforeweforgetwhywecame;letusrememberwell,thatthisisthewaywealltendtobegin;withalittlecuriosityforsomethingthatismeanttomakeusfeelreal.

DarkSeconds

Donotdetachyourfaceandpointittowardsthestars,youwillnotfindyourselfintheheavens.Youwillfindyourselfwhenyoustandinthecenterandexplodetolightupthedarkforafewseconds.

Inourlastmomentswewillbedefinedbyhowwelitthecloudsandtimewillpassandwewillbeforgottenbuttheskywillrememberournames.

NeverSorry

Shewasneversorryfornotknowinghowtoendandnotknowinghowtobeamemory.Shewasneversorryfornotlettingtheworldturnhercold.

Andmostofall,shewasneversorryforlearninghowtolovesodeeplyandformovingthesepeoplearoundherinwaystheirbodiescouldneverimagine.

DoNotWait

WhenIlookatyouIcan’trememberwhatI’mwaitingfor.IforgetwhoIamandIforgetwhyIevencame.

ThisishowIwanttolive;likeI’mlostinsomethingIloveandeverymomentIspendislikeI’mwaiting,waitingforsomethinginspiringtohappen.

LoveMeant

ShewassomanythingsandIneverunderstoodwhyshealwayswantedtobesodifferent.ItriedtodefinehereverytimeshechangedbecauseI,too,wouldchangeandthenitalljustchanged.

OrmaybeshewasneverhereandIwasalwayswaiting,waitingforagirlwithtoomuchinsideher.

Agirlwiththekindofstorythatwouldachemysoul,becauseIknewitwasnotmeanttolasts,butalsobecauseIknewthatthiswastheonlywaylovewasmeanttogo.

AccidentsHappen

Peoplecomeandgo,theytakesomethingandleavebuttherelationshipbetweenyouandotherpeopleiseasy.

Justkeeptheoneswhowantthatlittlelightinsideofyou,thatlittlelightyoucannotevenexplainyourself.Everyoneelseisjustacoincidence;alittleaccidentwaitingtohappen.

SadSoul

MaybeonedaywewillfindthatplacewhereyouandIcouldbetogether.Andwewillcatchourdreamswithinthewavesofchange.

Sosmileformeonelasttimeandbelievethatwewillmeetagain.

Untilthen,Iwillbemissingyou.

ALoversSmile

Themostdangerousloverisonewhogreetsthepainwithasmile.

NightBeast

Andeveryonceinawhileitwouldjusthitme;thehorrifyingtruthofbeingalone.

AnditdidnotmatterifIwaswithgoodorbadcompany.Iwouldslowlyfeeltheviolentpullofloneliness;shakinginsideofmelikeawildbeastinthenight.

TerribleDarkness

AndwhenIlookedbackatmylife,whenIlookedbackatitall,Icleanlysawhowbadtimesreallymeanteverything.Andhoweverymomentthatledmetohappiness,revolvedaroundsomekindofterribledarkness.

SometimesthedarknesswasabeautifulthingandsometimesittookmetoaplacewhereIhadnoideawhereitallcouldgo,butIknewitwasallmeanttobeokay.

DirectionsToMyHeart

Mymindwilldepartnowandthenexttimeitishere;itwillnotbethesame.

Sogoodbyelittlethoughts,flyaway,andtakemyfearswithyou.

Andifever,youreturnthengivedirectiontomyheart,soitcanneverstopbelievinginallthethingsIwillneverlivetounderstand.

LeaveMyLoveBehind

IjustwanttotelleveryonewhatIwaslike.IwantyoualltoknowhowmuchIfelt.Iwantyoualltotellthemhowmystorywasnothardbuthowitwasinspiring.

TellthemIexisted.TellthemhowmuchIlived.

Andaboveall,tellthemallhowmuchIloved.

LovelyMadness

Youlookatlovers,thewaytheyarewitheachotheranditmakesyousick,forhowcouldtwopeoplebeinloveandthenthenextdaycanbecompletestrangers.

Andwhenyouthinkaboutlove,youfeelthatitmustbesomethingonlycrazypeopledo...untilitfindsyou,becauseitwill.Andwhenitdoesitwillgrabyouandshakethemadnessoutofyou.Onlytodiscoverthat,thatlittletouchofcrazyhasalwaysbeeninsideyoutoo.

Loveisbeautifulbutlovetoocanbeterrible.

GoodbyeTonight

Wewillnotbethesameaftertonightandknowingthiswestillsmileandsaygoodbye.

Thisishowitoperates,thisishowchangehappens.

TheLastRequest

I’msorryIcan’tsavetheworld;Idon’twantanypartinthat.IjustwanttoberememberedinawaywhereIcanmeaneverythingtoonepersonandsavethem,savethemfromalltheinsecuritiesthisworldhascreated.

BuryMeNow

Thesimpletruthhowsometimeswearenotmeanttoberestored,howwearenotmeanttofeelathomeandhowwearenotmeanttoliveeasy.

Sometimesourthoughtsragelikewildfiresandourbodiesstayperfectlystill.

Theworldwantstokillus,butweareallalreadydead.Deathwillcomeeasyandeverythingelseistoohard.

Somethingwewillneverbeabletounderstand.

Similarities

Somethingsneverchange;likethatfeelingyougetwhenyouhaven’tseensomeoneforsometimenow.Thatfeelingoftwopeoplestartingrightwheretheyleftoff.

Andthen,somethingsdochangeliketwopeoplegrowingfurtherapart,butalsorememberingthelittlethings,thelittlesimilaritiesthatstringthembacktogether,asifnothingeverhappenedorasifnothingeverdriftedthemapart.

Differences

Whenwehavesomethingwewantmoreandwhenwehavenothingwewantsomething.

Wealwaystendtowantthethingswecan’thaveandinastrangeway...

thatmakesusallthesame.

PretendingToLive

They’renotlikeyouandI,theyjustdon’tgetit.Theydon’tseechaosasbeautyorself-destructionasbirth.Theydon’tknowwhattofeelandtheydon’tknowhowtobethemselves.

Butmostofall,theyjustdon’tknowhowtolive.

SensingItAll

Ijustwantyoutohelpmefinishmystory.Iwantittoendwithconfusion,andIneverwanttomakesenseofallthethingsthisworldhasmademefeel.

Becauseweshouldnevergivereasonforbeing.

Forbeingisallweknowwheneverythingelsejustdoesn’tseemtomakeanysenseatall.

MovingOn

Theolderyougetthemorepeopledisappearandthat’showitworks.Onedayyouaremissingthecompanyofsomeoneandthenthenextdayyourememberalittlelessthattheyaregone.Youadapttothechangeanditdoesn’tmakeyouabadpersontomoveon;

that’slifeandthat’sjusthowpeopleare.

WhereWeBelong

Webelongtootherpeople.Webelongintheirphotographs,intheirmemoriesandintheirhearts,becausesometimesthatisallwehave.Theideaofwantingtobelongtosomeone,tosomeonewhotellsusthattheyneedusjustasmuchasweneedthemandthatiswhatthemeaningoflifeshouldbe.Tofeellovedandtogiveitbackandnothingelse,becausehonestlyeverythingelsedoesnotmatter,everythingelseisjustamapandthatmapmightleadustoaholefilledwithquietdesertsandemptyspaces.

ArtisPain

Artispainandpainistheartinwhichwefindourselves.

I’mSorryILeft

Iunderstandyoujustwantedsomeonetoreachyou;whenyoufeltlikeyouhadbeengoneforsometimenow.

MaybeIfailedyouandmaybethingscouldhavebeendifferent.

IfonlyIhadknown,thenperhaps,whenIreturned,youwouldhavestayedthesame.

RunCloser

TherearesomedayswhereIfeellikenomatterwhereIgo,Ialwaysendupfeelingthesame,becauseallplacesarethesameintheend.

Ormaybeit’sjustmeandnomatterwhereIgo,IcouldneverrunfarenoughfromwhoIam,andIcouldneverrunfarenoughfromeverythingthathurts.

YoungAtHeart

Shehadsuchabeautifulmind.Thekindofmindthatsparkedmydreams,thekindofmindthatledmyinspirationanditwasthekindofinspirationthatonlytheyoungatheartcouldimagine.

OldFriend

Icantellyou’renotyourselflatelyandIhopeWhereveryou’vegone,youfeelfree.

CalmYourStorms

IseeallthesepeoplebutIcan’tseetheirfaces.I’vebeentoallthesecitiesandIcan’trememberwhattheylooklike.

Ifeelthings,thingsthatmakemeignorethethingsIshouldbedoing.

Soyes,I’vegonemadbutletmesaythis:myheartisthebestpartofmeanditwillalwayscalmthestormforallofthosewhoareafraidofalittlerain.

HealingDrugs

Wesaytimewillhealeverything,buttimewillneverbeonourside.

Fortimehasonlytaughtusregretandregrethasalwaysbeenaterribledrug.

EmptyRooms

Therearesomethingsthataremeanttovanishinaninstantandthentherearesomethingsthatwilltaketimetodissolve.

Anditisthesamewaywithpeople.Someofthemwilldisappearintotheair,whileotherswillslowlyburnoutofourlives.

Lifehasafunnywayofmakingusfeellessalone;becauseintheend,allthatremainsareemptyrooms.

IDoNotFallEasy

Ican’trememberwhatitwaslikebeforeyou,andIdon’tevenknowhowwegotherebutmaybethat’sexactlywhatIneeded.

SomeonewhocouldmakemeforgetwhereIcamefromandsomeonewhocouldmakemelovewithoutknowinghowtofall.

Atall.

UnderstandingMe

IcanfeelyouthroughyourlonelyeyesandIhopeonedayyou’llunderstandhoweverythingthathurtuswaseverythingthatmadeuswhoweare.

UnlockedCages

Ifoundhellinmyheadandheaveninotherpeople;theycouldnevercollideatthesametime.AndwhentheydidIwasstillburninginthefire.

SometimesIfeellikemylifeisawildbeasttrappedinanunlockedcageanditisawfullyafraidofwhatliesontheotherside.

Thatiswhathellislike;havingsomethingviciouslybrilliantinsideofyou,butnotbelievinginitenoughtosetitfree.

LiveDieLess

Lifehasbeentoorepetitive.Wearenonelikemachinesthanwearepeople.Weforgethowtofeel,appreciateandlove.

Wearecaughtupbythetemporary;distractedbynothing.Thereisnowanamongus,butthewarwithinourselves.Peoplefearbreakingtherules.Gooutthere;theairiswaitingforyou.

Learntolivealittle.Learntodiealotless.

ItMustBeReal

sometimesyouchangethewayIfeel,andsometimesthewayIfeelisthedarkestplaceandsometimesthedarkestplaceistheonlyplacewherewecoulddiscoversomethingreal.

TonightItIsUs

Allwehaveiseachotherbutwecarryourinsecuritieslikewearenotsurewherewebelong.

Sodonotlookback,comeasyouareandIpromiseyou;aftertonight,everythingwillbebeautiful.

FreedomSense

Peoplehurtpeopleandthat’showitworks.Ifwedidn’thurteachothercouldyouimaginehowawfullyperfecttheworldwouldbe?Itwouldbeahorribleplace.

Sometimesthepainistheonlythingthatmakessensetothesoulandsometimesit’stheonlythingweneed;toexperiencethebeautifulfreedomwealldeserve.

SlippingAir

Maybetherewassomethingoutthere,somethingthatunderstoodyouandforsomeoddreasonyouletitslipaway.

That’slifeandsometimesthat’slove.

INeverLeftYou

Ihopeonedayyouwillrealizehowyouwereneveralone.BecauseyouwerehereonceandIhavealwaysbeenwithyouevenwhenyouwereoutsearchingforyourself.

ScaryMovies

Lovewillneverbeeasyandknowingsoweacceptthehorrorsthatsometypesoflovearemeanttokillusonewayoranother.Toomuchortoolittleofitcanonlymeanwearelookingforsomekindoftrouble.

Sometimesloveisthatfuckedupmoviewhereeveryonediesintheend.

BrokenHours

HereisonesimplefactIhavelearnedaboutpeople.Nooneeverstaysthesame.Somecome,somegoandsomeneverreturn.Sometake,somegiveandsomeonlydream.Somewanttobe,whileothersjustare.Somebegin,someendandsomejustneverstartatall.Somearebright,somearedimandsomearealwayswishingtheyweremore.

Itneverends.

Peoplearelikehours,theyarechangingallthetime.

SheEatsThunder

Shewasthunderandhersmilewouldrattlemybones.Shecouldn’tpileherselftogetherbutIfellinlove,Ifellinlovewithallofher.

Shewasthedeathofme,thebeginningandtheend.AndIneverunderstoodher,forhowcouldsomeoneSobeautifulbethecauseofsomuchdestructionafterall.

GhostlyMemories

Thereissomethingbeautifulaboutthepastandaboutthewayithauntsus.Thewaywepassthroughmomentslikewalkingthroughdoors.Thewayweshutsomeoutandthewaywewelcomesometostay.

Ourmemoriesareghosts,andtheywillalwaysremindusofallthethingswenolongerhave.

EndlessRepeat

It’sterriblethewaywehurteachotherunconsciously,butIdon’tknowwhat’sworse,thefactthatwehurtcertainpeopleinourliveswithoutknowingorthefactthatwekeeponhurtingthesamepeople;theverysameway.

Sometimesourlivesaremadeupofthesamestorieswiththesamebeginningsandthesameendingsandthingshappenthesamewayalmosteverytime.

TruthHurts

Myloveisnotaproductoftheworld,butaproductofallthepeopleIhavemet.

AndthrougheveryoneIhaveevercomeacross,Idiscoveredthatourdisconnectwasneverbecauseoftheinsecuritieswefelt,butrathertheemptinesswecreatedwhenwefailedtomakesenseofourselves.

BloomAgain

Thereisnothinghereagain,butthereissomuchtofind.ForsometimesIfeellikeIhavelostitall:mindandsoul.AnditisonlygettinghardertotellthedifferencebetweenwhatIloveandwhatIdonotwhentheonlyflowerinmyheartiswantingtobloomagain.

Reborn

Somepeopletrysohardtochangebutsometimesitdoesn’thappenthatway;wecannotforceit,ittakestime.Sometimesitjusthappensovernight,likeonedayitallmakessenseandjustlikethatyouchange.

Thatshouldbeinspiringtousall,thewayweareabletodieeverynight;onlytoberebornthenextdayfortherestofourlives.

DefeatIsLove

MyDear,mylifehasbeenwelllivedontheedge,butwhenIfellitfeltlikeIwasfallingforathousandyears.AndwhenIgotupIfeltyoungagain,Ifeltaliveandwhatabeautifulthingitwas;tofeeldefeated.

WhereInolongerhadtofight,thewarwasoverandallthatwaslefttodowaslove.

WhenWordsFail

Therearewaysofunderstandingpeoplethatdonotrequirewords,andifyoulookcloseenoughyouwillsee,alotoflifeandalittlebitofdeathburningthroughtheireyes.Andsometimesthatsaysmorethanwecouldeverexplainorimagineaboutourselves.

ChangeYou,ChangeUs

Iwanttochangepeople.Iwantthemtolearnhowtofeeleachother.Howtoloseandfindthemselvesintheeyesofastranger.

Iwantthemalltofeelliketheyarenotalone,thatweareallinthistogetherandIhopethatneverchanges.

Imaginethat,whatabeautifulwaytolive,whatabeautifulwaytofeelandwhatabeautifulwaytosurvive.

ThingsStrikeMe

Thereisnothingouthere...itisallinside;itisallinmyhead.ThethingsthathappendonotexistunlessIgivethemmeaning.Tobeabletodefineeverythingiswheremygreatestweaknesslies.TobeabletofeelisthemadnessIneedtomakesenseofthethingsthatstrikeme.Peoplestrikeme,lovestrikesmeandeverythingelsemovesmeinsuchawaythatIcouldbarelyunderstand.Ifeel,andeverythingIfeelisnothing;nothingbutanextensionofthemindandoftheheartIwasbornwith.

StolenMagic

IhavebeentakingasmuchasIcanfromotherpeople:thewaytheyspoke;theirwordswouldfillme.Theirlook,theirstoryandthewaytheysaidgoodbye.ItooksomuchthatIwasnolongerhere,butratherIwaslostinallofthemandIknewthatIwouldneverbeabletofindmyselfagain.

YouseeIfeltsoempty;thatIwascollectingpeoplelikesouvenirsandIwasfillingmyselfwiththemagicIknewothershadtooffer.

MadeMyself

ImademyselffromallthephotographsInevertook,fromalltheloveIneverreceivedandfromallthemomentsthatneverhappened.

Andithasbeentooreal,ithasbeenabeautifulstruggle;onethathasalwaysremindedmeofhoweasyitwastolaugh.

DearCharise,Mayyourflamelivewithin

myheartandcontinuetoinspiremethrougheverywakinghour.

WithopeneyesIseetheworld,withanopenheartIseethesouls

andwithanopenmindIseeitalldifferently.

Thankyouforyourtime.

RobertM.Drake

Inmemoryof

GuillermoRodriguez06/25/1985-08/25/2014

Thelasttimewespokeyoutoldmeyouwereproudofme,andthatIwasyoubrothersincedayone.

Well...thisismetellingyouthatyou’remybrotherandImissyou.Seeyousoon.

Iwroteallofthesewordsforyou.

FollowR.M.Drakeforexcerptsandupdates.

Facebook.com/rmdrkTwitter.com/rmdrkInstagram.com/rmdrkrmdrk.tumblr.com