bonus igl - the casual vacancy - fk bregonzo

7/28/2019 Bonus IGL - The Casual Vacancy - FK Bregonzo

1/22

The Casual Vacancy - FK Bregonzo Spin off episode not reallyIN GIRAFFE LEGS

By

Dorian Bartecki

Its a true story only real people will belive in.


2/22

INT. FRANK AND MARIO HOUSE - NIGHT

Frank sits depressed on the sofa while watching TV, Mario isin the kitchen making some PB sandwiches.

IN TV - OUTSIDE A BOOK SHOP

A presenter ANITA COCKDROP is reporting live from a bookrelease of Harry Potter and The prisoner of azkaban its 8thJuly 1999 and its dark, the queue of people isapproximately 10m long. The shop is still closed it opens at9pm. The people in the queue are dressed in wizard clothesand other harry potter related character, one is evendressed as belatrix a character not released till laterbooks and shes only visible for a brief moment.

ANITA COCKDROPHello and welcome to news Im

standing here, in front of thePetunias book shop where today in10 minutes well get to experiencean event of this century, you wantto know why, because if yourewatching this you probably dontknow, Today JK Rowling releases herlatest book in the Harry PotterSeries titled Prisoner Of Azkabannot much is know about the story,but we dont need to know much weknow its going to be great.

Frank and home mocks Anita.

ANITA COCKDROPThe first people in the queuegathered up here 3 days ago. Thisshows how much of an impact thebook has made if it has suchdedicated fans. And dont get mestarted on the queue its probablya record breaker apparently its 10miles long, yes you heard me right10 miles I cant even imagine howmany trees must have suffered toget this book published, if yourelistening to this people rememberto recycle paper so we can save thetrees, I feel sorry for the peopleat the end of the queue theyllprobably get their book in 3 days.

(CONTINUED)


3/22

CONTINUED: 2.

Cut to people at the end of the queue they are standing nextto another book shop which says we sell the 3rd harry potterbook before that other shop.

GUY 1 (HAGRID)Hey people we can get our books

from here.

GUY 2 (DUMBLEDORE)So wait are we at the end of theline or at the beginning now?

Guy 3 looks like harry potter.

GUY 3Whats this queue for?

GUY 1Harry potter duh.

GUY 3Whats that I thought this was aqueue for free krabby patties.

GUY 1Wait what you dont know what harrypotter is but youre dressed likehim?

Back to Anita Cockdrop

ANITA COCKDROP

okay enough of me talking, thestore opens in 2 minutes people aregetting impatient I even heard thatone unfortunate kid took his lifewith a plastic cup dont ask me howhe did that but he did it becausehe couldnt bear to wait anotherminute for the book and before hedied he said a phoenix would comeand heal his wound, how dumb was hegoes beyond human expectations,what I cant say that stuff abouthim, because its offensive to hisfamily? Well Im sorry but its thenews we bring you the facts whetheryou like them or not is yourchoice.

People start to scream.

(CONTINUED)


4/22

CONTINUED: 3.

ANITA COCKDROPI guess its just seconds beforethe store opens and well all getour hands on the latest harrypotter book.

People start to count down.

PEOPLE AND ANITA10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. Alohomora!

The door to the shop opens people start to push each other.

ANITA COCKDROPThis wont end well.

INT. FRANK AND MARIO HOUSE - NIGHT

Mario comes in from the kitchen while eating a PB sandwich.

MARIOWhat youre watching?

FRANKTV.

MARIOYou seem to be depressed whats theproblem?

FRANKNothing.

MARIOYou seem to get depressed everyyear the Harry potter book getsreleased whats up with that?

FRANKYou know if it wasnt for me nobodywould be there.

MARIOWhat do you mean?

FRANKIts a long story and you wouldntbelieve me anyway.

MARIODude were best friends you cantell me anything.

(CONTINUED)


5/22

CONTINUED: 4.

FRANKOK so It all began in 1992 inLondon.

INT. SMALL APARTMENT IN LONDON - RAINY DAY

Frank sits by a type writer and writes, he also has anawesome moustache. JK Rowling comes in through the door.with a wet umbrella.

FRANK (NARRATOR)I was a young guy and JK rowlingand I were friends or you can saylovers, she use to for thisrestaurant called hooters or waitwas it the guitar shop I always getthem confused I think it was arestaurant. So I was writinganother page for my book called "Mr

Scar and Friends" can you guesswhats is the book now called?

MARIO (NARRATOR)Harry potter.

FRANK (NARRATOR)Exactly, by that time I thought itwould just be another book thatwill never get anywhere, Ivewritten at least 20 books before,nothing ever got the budget oranything.

JK ROWLINGDamn that weather is bad, Im allwet.

FRANKThats great honey.

JK ROWLINGDidnt you hear me Im wet.

FRANK

Alright sorry Im in the middle ofthis book.

JK rowling comes up to frank and hugs him from behind.

JK ROWLINGYour still writing that book aboutthat boy with a scar? Can I readsome?

(CONTINUED)


6/22

CONTINUED: 5.

FRANKIts not finished, when I finishIll let you read.

JK ROWLINGDo you think this one will sell so

we could live in a nice house youand I?

FRANKI dont know honey I dont know.

JK Rowling goes to change its just one room so she goesbehind a closet door and changes, Frank turns around to talkto JK.

FRANKJJ, how was work today?

Freeze frame like on a VHS everything is shaking?

MARIO (NARRATOR)JJ?

FRANK (NARRATOR)Yeah she change the second J to Kwhen she published the bookapparently that K is her grandmasname or something, Im not sure shedidnt talk much about her family.OK back to the story.

Play icon is seen and the scene continues.

JK ROWLINGAw you know just another day.

FRANKI wish you had a different job Ihate the fact some random guys arestaring at you hohos.

JK ROWLINGDont worry I would never cheat onyou.

Frank gets up and slowly goes up to JK.

FRANKSure thats what my mum said to mydad 10 minutes before she had sexwith our neighbour, very old guy, Icant imagine how could my mum do

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


7/22

CONTINUED: 6.

FRANK (contd)it with him can you imagine hisbody all wrinkled and strangelyhairy.

JK ROWLING

Youre disgusting.

FRANKSo are you I cant believe they letyou work in Hooters.

JK ROWLINGYoure mean.

FRANKYou know I dont mean it.

JK ROWLING

I know.

JK stand out from the closes door, in a nice underwear.Frank is speechless.

FRANKWow.

JK ROWLINGYou like it? I bought it with thetips I got today. Even if theweather is bad theres still plentyof perves.

FRANKDo I like it? No.

JK turn sad.

FRANKI love it.

Frank grabs JK, and they start to make out, they fall ontothe bed which is just a mattress, they laugh the giggle thenthey do what they need to do.

Few minutes later.

Frank and JK lay under the covers and are happy after whatever theyve done.

JK ROWLINGFrank.

(CONTINUED)


8/22

CONTINUED: 7.

FRANKYes?

JK ROWLINGDo you really think were going toget out off here and get our house

in the Farm and have kids?

FRANKI really do, I hope one dayeverything will just change we justneed to wait JJ.

JK ROWLINGIm scared that will leave hereforever in out meaningless jobs.

FRANKYou atleast have a job I cant even

get a book published and thekindles havent been even invented.

JK ROWLINGYoull get your one of your bookspublished one day, youre sotalented.

FRANKThank you JJ, okay now lets get tosleep tomorrow it just another dayof work.

Frank turns of the light by pulling a light switch string.

FRANK (NARRATOR)You see we were happy, he had plansfor the future, nothing seemed tobreak us apart, we lived in a ditchcalled a house we didnt haveproper bed we didnt even have muchfood and the worst thing XDswerent even invented by that time,and Im pretty sure I had crave forthem even although I knew there wasno such thing can you imagine I useto be a fan of tea with milk bleh,Ill never go back to that ... soanyway days went by I was writingmy book JJ was working and I justkept writing I believed that thisbook was going to be the thing. InDecember 1992 the building in whichwe lived was announce it was going

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


9/22

CONTINUED: 8.

FRANK (NARRATOR) (contd)to be demolished, me and JJ werescared because if we lost thisplace we wouldnt have anywhere tolive, and we didnt have money toget a new place and Christmas was

coming we obviously had to get eachother presents.

INT. BUILDING OWNER ROOM

Frank talks to the owner JIM about the fact the building isgetting destroyed.

FRANKJim you cant do this we always paythe rent, maybe not always on timebut we do, if you demolish this

building we wont have a place tolive.

JIMits done I cant do anything I wasoffered a 100.000 pounds for thisbuilding, theyre going to build acinema or a mall or something here.This building is falling apartanyway, Im sorry Frank theresnothing I can do.

Frank is very stressed he cant believe he will lose the

only place to live.

FRANKOK bye.

Frank exits because he knows he doesnt have any morestrength to fight.

INT. CORRIDOR

JK Rowling is standing outside waiting. Frank exits with hishead down.

JK ROWLINGSo what did Jim say.

Frank just walks he doesnt stop. JK walks with him.

(CONTINUED)


10/22

CONTINUED: 9.

JK ROWLINGWe have to get out dont we, butwhere will we live?

Frank still has his head down and doesnt say a thing.

JK ROWLINGCome on say something Frank.

FRANKTheres nothing to say its theend.

JK Rowling hugs Frank as they both cry only a little bit.

JK ROWLINGIt cant be, well figure somethingout dont worry Frank, remember Ilove you.

FRANKI love you too, but nothing willhappen were doomed.

Jim comes up to Frank.

JIMHey sorry to interrupt, I couldnthelp to overhear you. Im reallysorry for how this is turning out,but I think I have some good newsfor you, Im moving houses thanks

to the money and Im selling my oldhouse if you want you can livethere as long as you pay the rentits going be 600 pounds everythingincluded, and because we know eachother for a long time Ill let yoube late on the first month. What doyou say?

JK ROWLINGAre you serious? Did you hear thatFrank?

JIMYes Im serious, so you want to doit?

JK ROWLINGYes we do. Wheres the house.

(CONTINUED)


11/22

CONTINUED: 10.

JIMWell its not far away from here.

Jim hands over the keys to his house,

JIM

Here you go.

JK ROWLINGThank you so much, you dont knowhow much this means to us. When canwe move in?

JIMTomorrow is fine.

FRANKThanks Jim youre a real friends.

JIMDont worry you would do the samefor me.

Frank and JK hug Jim in gratitude.

INT. SMALL APARTMENT IN LONDON

Frank and JK enter their apartment and start to pack theydont have much stuff so they dont pack for long.

FRANK

Well thats it just two bags andeverythings packed. I still cantbelieve well have a place to live.

JK ROWLINGI told you something would show up.

FRANKYou were right.

Frank and JK hug.

FRANKSo tomorrow is the big day are youready?

JK ROWLINGYeah I think I am I hope the houseis nice.

(CONTINUED)


12/22

CONTINUED: 11.

FRANKI hope so too but it cant be worsethan this.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE NEW HOUSE

A bus arrives blocking the view of the house Frank and JKget out with their two bags. The bus drives of and revealsits 2 floor house in between other houses. The number ofthe house 4 and the street is called Privet Drive.

MARIO (NARRATOR)Just like in the book.

FRANK (NARRATOR)Yes Mario, almost every book isfull of references to the real lifeelements of the writer. So yeah man

JK got the house it was better thanwe could have expected it wascertainly better than what we livedin.

Frank and JK come up to the door.

FRANKWill you do the me honours and openthe door.

JK ROWLINGI would love to.

JK enters the key but it doesnt seem to work.

JK ROWLINGIt doesnt work maybe we have thewrong.

FRANKRelax honey youre turning it thewrong way.

Frank grabs JK hand and turn the key the other way. JKsmiles. Frank opens the door to the inside.

FRANKLadies first.

JK ROWLINGThank you.

JK enters the house, Frank enters after her with the bags.


13/22

12.

INT. NEW HOUSE

Frank and JK enter and they are amazed by the new house theyenter every room possible.

JK ROWLING

I has a separate kitchen and atoilet.

FRANKAnd lets not forget a bedroom witha bed.

JK ROWLINGThis house is amazing, now what wedream off but Ill take it.

FRANKYeah I love it too, do you want to

try out the bed?

JK ROWLINGLead the way my Prince.

FRANKFollow me.

Frank grabs JKs hand and takes her upstairs to the bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM OF THE NEW HOUSE

Frank and JK make out and they start to take their clothesoff very romanticism. They lay down on a bed and go underthe cover and they sound happy.

Few minutes.

FRANKI love this bed.

JK ROWLINGMe too it, improves the experience.

FRANKLove you.

JK ROWLINGLove you too.

Someone enters the house.

(CONTINUED)


14/22

CONTINUED: 13.

JK ROWLINGDid you hear that?

FRANKHear what?

JK ROWLING

Someones in the house.

FRANKI bet its Jim to welcome us in thenew house.

Someone walks upstairs. Two workers enter the bedroom.

FRANKIm sorry, what are you men doinghere?

WORKER 1

Were here to take the bed.

FRANKWhat?

WORKER 1Yeah Mr Jim forgot the bed werehere to pick it up.

FRANKAlright but can you give us someprivacy were not exactly decentright now.

WORKER 1Im sorry sir Im just doing myjob, please get out of the bed.

Frank and JK get up while trying to cover the self with onecoverlet, but Frank is exiting to the left and JK is exitingto Right so they pull the cover let and they fall on theground and quickly get up.

FRANKIm sorry, I need to go and change.

JK covers her private parts, frank walks out slowly andpicks up the clothes from the floor. Workers check out JKsback.

WORKER 2I know her from somewhere, wait sheworks in hooters yeah.

(CONTINUED)


15/22

CONTINUED: 14.

WORKER 1Really?

WORKER 2Yeah man shes the best she givesBJ to whoever gives her a 100. Or

is it not here, all of them lookthe same naked.

WORKER 1Heh, doesnt matter lets take thebed.

INT. LIVING ROOM NEW HOUSE

Frank and JK are dressed and they sit on a floor whiledrinking team in mugs. Frank looks bit angry and JK is veryhappy.

JK ROWLINGWhats wrong honey? you seem upset.

FRANKYou give BJ to people if they giveyou a 100 pounds?

JK ROWLINGWhat no, what made you think that.

FRANKThat worker said he recognises you

from hooters and he said you giveBJs to everyone.

JK ROWLINGWhat!? Hes lying I would never dothat to you.

FRANKI know Im not the best, but why?

JK ROWLINGIm not cheating on you Frank Ilove you.

FRANKYeah sure you say that now but whenyou go to your work youre someoneelse and you forget about me, youknow what this conversation isover, Im going out for a drink.Damn this tea is disgusting, I have

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


16/22

CONTINUED: 15.

FRANK (contd)a strange crave for something Inever drank. I see you soon bye.

Frank leaves angry.

JK ROWLING

Frank wait listen to me.

JK lies on her knees and stars to cry. Frank walks out.

EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - RAIN

Frank walks angry on the side walk.

FRANK (NARRATOR)Thats where things started to fallapart even worse the love betweenus slowly started to fade away.

MARIO (NARRATOR)Did she actually cheat on you?

Frank now is in the bar. While JK lies on a mattress cryingin the new home.

INT. BAR - RAIN LATE SLIGHTLY DARK

FRANKI dont know that I never actuallycaught her, I guess she probablywasnt but at that time I wassuspicious and angry I wasntthinking straight. And this fightgot me very inspired or maybe itwas my first XD with vodka, forsome reason I started to come upwith new ideas for stories in thebook "Mr Scar and Friends" it allstarted to begin to sound like aprofessional book.

Frank sits in a bar with a pencil and writes on napkins,

while drinking his First XD.

FRANKWhats this drink called Barman?

BARMANIts a imported energy drink mixeswith vodka.

(CONTINUED)


17/22

CONTINUED: 16.

FRANKIts delicious.

BARMANIve heard its going to enter ourmarket in 2 to 3 years.

FRANKDamn I cant wait.

BARMANIll get you another one this onewill be on the house.

FRANKThanks.

Frank keeps writing the book on napkins.

Fast forward shot of frank writing people come and go, emptyglasses keep piling up and the napkins slowly pile up into agiant pile.

Frank hits with his pencil.

FRANKDone! Now I need to go home andwrite that down. Hey barman thanksfor the drinks Ill see you soon.Keep the change.

Frank pop a 100 on the bar, and he quickly gets out and runs

home.

INT. NEW HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

Frank enters the new house and unpacks his typing machineand he sees JK sleeping on the mattress and he gives her akiss and goes to type the book. Morning comes.

INT. NEW HOUSE - NEXT DAY

JK wakes up. Frank is still typing.

JK ROWLINGFrank what are you doing home?

FRANKHi honey Im sorry about yesterdayI overreacted, why did I care whatsome random guy said Ill never

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


18/22

CONTINUED: 17.

FRANK (contd)understand, I love you and thatswhat matters.

FRANK (NARRATOR)I thought that everything from now

on would go back to normal but JKlost thrust in me she, she wasntthe same, I think that I broke hersomehow.

JK ROWLINGI love you too, but you hurt melast night.

Frank goes up to JK on the mattress.

FRANKI know but Ill make it up to you I

promise. How about breakfast tobead Eggs and Toast with no legssound?

JK ROWLINGThats sounds lovely.

Frank gets up quickly and goes to the kitchen. JK looks sadas soon as Frank goes to the kitchen.

FRANKEggs and toasts with no legs comingright up.

Frank pulls his head out the door.

FRANKDo you want tea or OJ?

JK quickly fake smiles.

JK ROWLINGTea is fine.

FRANK3 sugars do I remember right?

JK ROWLINGYes.

Frank comes back from kitchen with the breakfast to bed.Frank hands the food to JK she gets to eating while Frankgoes back to writing.

(CONTINUED)


19/22

CONTINUED: 18.

JK ROWLINGYoure not eating?

FRANKIm not hungry.

JK ROWLINGSo where did you go last night?

FRANKI went to a bar and I discovered anamazing new drink that is not outyet, and I started to have moreideas for the bobookMr Scar andFriends" its going to be a trilogyIm not going to publish it until Ifinish all 3 of them, the maincharacter will be named Johnny,hell be a wizard that lost his

family when he was just a baby toan evil guy but he wont know that,hell have some friends a blondeguy named Harry and a Smart girlfriend who will not be hisgirlfriend named Joanne after you.And hell encounter plenty ofadventures in this castle wherehell learn magic and there will be4 different groups each with a longbackground, its going to bemagical youll see JJ.

JK bites on a toast.

JK ROWLINGSure whatever you say.

INT. NEW HOUSE CHRISTMAS

The house had a Christmas tree with just a few lights and 2presents underneath the tree.

FRANK (NARRATOR)Christmas came and we had to giveeach other presents all I got fromJJ was a pair of socks and I gother an engagement ring and ablouse, but as soon as I unpackedthe socks I decided not to proposeto JK, cos something felt differentabout her that day and everyday forthat matter she didnt seem happy.


20/22

19.

INT. NEW HOUSE FURBISHED.

1994 June

Frank finishes writing, while JK is sitting reading anewspaper and drinking Tea.

FRANK (NARRATOR)Years went by it was 1994, I wasclose to finishing my trilogy. Iwas excited to show it to Joannefirst. I show it to her she saidits not that good she said shedidnt relate to the characters andthe idea was just boring, and sheusually complimented my work, butnow all she did was criticise thebook, I took it personally I threwit away I told her how I felt now I

told her that something wasdifferent, and that the love wasgone, she said she didnt care andwe both went our separate ways Igot on a bus home here where we arenow back to my parents and thererest you know we met became bestfriends. But what I didnt know atthe time was that Joanne loved thebook and she knew it would be a hitshe changed few names and the titlebut the stories remain the same, in1996 she went to a publisher and

she got a 2.500 pound deal for thepublication, on 30th of June 1997JK rowling published my book butnamed it Harry Potter, the bookbecame a success she started tomake millions, she changed her nameJK Rowling for publicationpurposes, K stands for Kathleenlike her grandmother, thisapparently helped the sales becausepeople didnt know a woman wrotethis because it wasnt specificwith the name. Later she came upwith a bullshit story that she cameup with harry who is actuallyjohnny, in 1990 while she had a 4hour delayed train from Manchesterto London. Bullshit!


21/22

20.

INT. FRANK AND MARIO HOUSE

Back to the original shot.

FRANKYou see ever since then I get angry

because shes making money of mybook, but at least its over nowits the last book, she doesnthave any more.

TV ANITA COCKDROPI just had an off camera with JKRowling she said shes in a processof writing her 4th book.

FRANKWhat the fuck who did she stole thebook from now? I tell its going to

be completely different than thefirst 3, there aint going to beany more of jelly beans in crazyflavours r chocolate frogs andcollectable cards it will becomesomething evil.

MARIOWow dude this story I mean wow didit really happen?

FRANKWhat do you think I would spend so

much time telling you a fake story?

MARIOI dont know man it just soundscrazy, why dont you write anymore?

FRANKIts simple she was the secondperson to rip me of my book ideaand made millions from it first itwas JRR Tolkien I had this bookabout hobbits, magicians, dwarfsand orces it was also a trilogy hemay have written the hobbit whichwas a prequel to my books, but healso said my book was bad and hebasicaly published it and mademillions. and I just dont want togo through that again, do youunderstand?

(CONTINUED)


22/22

CONTINUED: 21.

MARIOJRR Tolkien Lord of the ringswasnt that book released in 1954?

FRANKYes so?

MARIONothing just asking.

THE END

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