BRATTLEBORO AREA HOSPICE offers a range of bereavement services, including support groups, individual and family bereavement support with hospice staff or trained volunteers, a lending library, the Hospice Memorial Garden at Living Memorial Park, and a variety of community education events throughout the year. All of these services are free of charge and available to anyone in the community. For more information please call (802) 257-0775, and speak with Connie Baxter, ext. 104 or Cicely Carroll, ext. 108.

Submissions to Seasons

New BeginnningsHappy New Year from Brattleboro Area Hospice, I hope this year brings you new beginnings. I also understand that grieving does not stop because the calendar has changed over to another year. The grief you carried in 2018 will still be with you in 2019, however, I hope that Brattleboro Area Hospice can be supportive and helpful as you journey through your grief and begin to find new ways of “being”. This time of year we are inundated with suggestions for changes we can make to greatly improve our lives in the new year.

If you have a photo, an original poem, or a personal story that you would like to submit for possible use in this newsletter, please send it to Lars Hunter at lars.hunter@brattleborohospice.org

New Year’s resolutions to improve our health and surroundings may be useful and even beneficial. However, if you are among those who have experienced the loss of a loved one in past years, the typical messages may ring hollow for you. Perhaps it would be fitting to consider a different sort of New Year’s resolution—a set of suggestions suited especially for those who are entering a season of their lives grieving someone whom they loved.

I hope the following resolutions are helpful in the coming months. Warmly, Lars

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” —Seneca

• I resolve to not place time limits on my grief; it will take as long as it takes.

• I resolve to acknowledge my grief as my own—that it is as individual as I am—and will take shape in its own unique way.

• I resolve to be mindful of the need for flexibility when it comes to the expectations of others (and myself).

• I resolve to not be pressured by “shoulds.”

• I resolve to cut myself some slack when I am not as productive as I might like, behave in ways uncharacteristic of my usual self or simply “don’t care.”

• I resolve to accept that others may not understand my pain, and it is probably not realistic to expect that of them. (Until one has walked the path, how can one know the terrain?)

New Year’s Resolutions for those who are grieving• •

Jan/Feb 2019Brattleboro Area Hospice Bereavement Newsletter 802-257-0775 • 191 Canal Street, Brattleboro, Vermont • www.brattleborohospice.org

Brattleboro Area HospiceBereavement Program191 Canal StreetBrattleboro, VT 05301Return Service Requested

U.S. Postage PaidNon-Profit Org.

BRATTLEBORO, VT05301

PERMIT NO. 109

Lars Hunter, Bereavement Care CoordinatorCicely Carroll, Bereavement Care CounselorElizabeth Ungerleider, Youth Program Coordinator

contact us • 802-257-0775 • info@brattleborohospice.org • www.brattleborohospice.org

SEASONS MAILING LISTTo add or remove a name, please call 802-257-0775 or email us at info@brattleborohospice.org

Hospice Lending Libra ryThe Lending Library at our 191 Canal Street office has a collection of over 650 books, DVDs, video and audio tapes, on topics of Grief and Bereavement, Children, End of Life, Spirituality, Memoirs, etc. Please stop in and visit the library anytime during our office hours—Monday-Friday, 9:00-4:00.

Seasons

Bereavement Support Activities

Bereavement Support Groups offer a safe, mutually supportive environment for sharing experiences, insight and encouragement through discussion, handouts, and suggestions for moving through the grieving journey. Groups are free of charge and meet at our 191 Canal Street office, unless otherwise noted. Please contact Lars Hunter, Bereavement Program Coordinator at 802-257-0775 ext. 104 or email lars.hunter@brattleborohospice.org to make a pre-group meeting appointment or for more information.

***New 7-Week Winter Support Group for Adults*** will meet from 5:30-7:00 pm at the hospice office beginning Monday, February 4th, and ending Monday, March 18th. This group is for adults who have experienced a death loss of any type that does not fit in the relationship categories of the ongoing groups listed below. Lars Hunter, Bereavement Program Coordinator, is the facilitator.

***New 6-Week Pet Loss Group*** will meet every Thursday from January 10th – February 14th, at the hospice office, from 5:00-6:30 pm. This is for adults experiencing grief after the death of a beloved animal companion. Cheryl Richards is the facilitator.

THE FOLLOWING ONGOING GROUPS MEET YEAR-ROUND Spouse/Partner Loss Support Groups—now offering 2 groups:

Suicide Loss Support Group will be going on hiatus for the months of January and February. If you are interested in a future group starting in March, please contact Lars Hunter.

Men’s Grief Support Group for men grieving a death loss of any kind, meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month from 3:00-4:30 pm, co-facilitated by Walter Slowinski and Neil Flynn. Dates for this period are January 14th and 28th and February 11th and 24th.

Bereaved Parents Support Group meets the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays of the month, from 4:30-6:00 p.m. This group is for parents who have lost a teenaged or young adult child. Judy Davidson and Judy van Wageningen are the facilitators. Dates for this period are January 1st and 15th, and February 5th and 19th.

Spouse/Partner Loss Support Groups are facilitated by Lars Hunter and Muriel Wolf on Mondays and Cheryl Richards on Wednesdays. Daytime Group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month from noon-1:30. Dates for this period are January 14th and 28th and February 11th and 25th. Evening Group meets the 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of the month, from 5:00-6:30 pm. Dates for this period are January 9th and 23rd and February 13th and 27th.

Individual and family support are also available with trained bereavement volunteers and staff. Please call Lars Hunter (802) 257-0775 ext. 104 or Cicely Carroll ext. 108 for more information, an appointment, or just a listening ear.

In 2015, when the New York Times ran Patrick O'Malley's story about the death of his infant son--and how his inability to -move on- challenged everything he was taught as a psychotherapist--it inspired an unprecedented flood of gratitude from readers that continues to this day.

What he shared was a truth that many have longed to hear: that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Illuminated by O'Malley's own story and those of the many clients that he's supported, Getting Grief Right shows us

how the commonly used -stages of grief- approach can trivialize our sorrow, treat it as a mental disorder, press us to -get over it, - and worsen our suffering with shame and guilt when we don't. With sensitivity and support, readers will explore grief not as an illness, but as the continuing story of our connection to the one we've lost, to be fully felt and woven into our lives.

Available for check out in the Brattleboro Area Hospice Lending Library at 191 Canal St. Brattleboro, VT.

Book Corner

: Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Lossby Patrick O'Malley, Tim Madigan (Goodreads Author)

Dear Volunteers,

With great happiness I have re-joined the staff of BAH in a new capacity, as Spiritual Care Companion. I will be available to provide spiritual support to our hospice clients, their family members, and our bereavement clients. I will also be providing occasional in-service volunteer trainings, and will be available to offer spiritual support for you, our volunteers, in relation to spiritual challenges or questions that arise in your hospice work.

Because you are on the “front line” of caring for our clients, it’s very likely that you’ll be the person to note when there might be a need for, or interest in, spiritual support. That will be the time to get in touch with your care coordinator, who will contact me with your referral so we can make an appropriate plan for my involvement.

The work I do is different than traditional chaplaincy. In addition to providing support through conversation, I also employ expressive arts, embodied dreamwork, ritual and ceremony, journaling, guided meditation, calling upon the Ancestors, exploring various forms of prayer, and other methods of entering into the realm of spiritual exploration.

I am trained to facilitate family conversations and help to resolve conflicts, and I’m available to assist clients in formulating their final wishes. The work I do can address the beliefs of those who are atheist or agnostic, are spiritual seekers but not religious, and those with specific religious beliefs.

Please keep all of these offerings in mind as you accompany our clients on their journey, and as you walk your own sacred path of offering yourself and your gifts to those facing death and loss.

I will be offering several opportunities for volunteers to meet with me in small groups to learn about our new spiritual care services, and how you can introduce them to your clients. Dates and Time TBA. ~Muriel

Volunteer In-Service – Fostering Spiritual Presence, Wednesday February 13th, time and place TBA, with Muriel Wolf, Spiritual Care Companion. This is for hospice care and bereavement volunteers. Please contact Muriel at muriel.wolf@brattleborohospice.org for more information.

• I resolve to express my feelings without guilt, and not apologize for tears.

• I resolve to be grateful for concerned others who willingly just listen.

• I resolve to recognize that my acceptance of assistance and support of others allows them the blessing of giving.

• I resolve to forgive those who say or do that which feels hurtful, recognizing that unkindness is not intended.

• I resolve to extend to myself the same grace and patience I would to others, were they in my situation.

• I resolve to find some little way each day to begin to reinvest in life, in an effort to move toward hope and a sense of purpose.

• I resolve to continue to speak my loved one’s name, tell our stories and embrace my memories.

A Message to Volunteers from Muriel Wolf (Spiritual Care Companion)

Please join us at the hospice office, 191 Canal St. in Brattleboro for a special time to gather with others who are grieving to talk about the challenges of and strategies for grieving during the darkness of winter. Lars Hunter will

Winter Support Gathering at Hospice facilitate the meeting. We’d appreciate a call to 257-0775 ext. 104 to let us know you’re coming, but it’s not necessary. If there’s any question of cancelation due to bad weather call our number by 2 p.m. and press “4” for a special message.

Thursday, January 10th, 5:30-6:30 p.m.