Watercooler Journal Apr. 2014 1

Buffy and Mental Illness Or, Why a Show About Killing Vampires Makes Me Feel

Okay with the World

Natasha (screen name preferred by author) Guest Submission

It wasn’t until I re-watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer after I finished high school that I really

found an appreciation for the cult TV show. My carefree nine-year-old eyes weren’t tuned into

the subtext of what it meant to be a vampire slayer like my newly independent 18-year-old

eyes were. I devoured the show as if I had never seen it before and I cried more than I thought

an adult should as I followed the “Scooby Gang” on their journey from high school to

adulthood—and in them I found familiarity. But what was it about a group of teenage kids

slaying vampires and casting spells that I related to so well?

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I don’t know if it was intentional on Joss Whedon’s part, but to me being the slayer was akin to

living with mental illness, and I had a shiny new psychological assessment that basically said

that was what I was doing.

Trying to balance having a mental illness and having a life can be incredibly difficult. It can

deteriorate relationships, affect your schoolwork, impact your working life, and for the most

part, you feel utterly and completely alone. In Buffy Summers I found a familiar figure—a

representation of everything I was going through as a young adult living away from home. She

was the Slayer: chosen against her will to defend the Earth from evil. The weight of the world

was literally on her shoulders, and being grounded could actually be a matter of life or death.

Throughout high school her grades suffered, in college she was forced to drop out, and in life

she struggled financially and couldn’t keep a basic job working at a burger joint. She was the

Slayer, the Chosen One—and it was poisoning every aspect of her life just as my mental illness

was poisoning mine.

“Whether we have good days or bad, we are all still living on top of a gaping Hellmouth. But we can deal with that,

because we’re all slayers.”

Through the use of effective metaphor in BtVS I was able to confront my suppressed emotions

that were the cause of my anxiety and depression. I could sit in my room in a haze of emotional

confusion and cry as I watched the characters of BtVS attempt to live out their lives the best

they could with a gaping wide Hellmouth underneath them. This slightly camp show about

vampire slaying and the moral complexities of good and evil was like therapy to me, and

realising that even slayers struggle to pay the bills helped me feel ok.

In the book Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Philosophy (a collection of essays edited by James B.

South), philosopher Tracey Little explains the extraordinary use of metaphor in BtVS better than

I ever could:

…metaphors have the capacity to help viewers put their own fears and emotions

into perspective, deal with such fears and emotions in a more effective way, to

provide a point of comparison with the reality of the viewer and that of the show,

Watercooler Journal Apr. 2014 3

to recognize that the fears and the emotions played out by the show’s characters

may be similar to their own, and finally, to legitimize the feelings of the

viewer. The complex nature of such metaphors also allows for multiple

interpretations on the part of the viewer, providing the viewer with a means of

agency for interacting with the show on a deeply personal level. (284)

Legitimizing feelings—that is exactly what was happening whilst watching BtVS, and it’s an

important thing. Often we feel our thoughts, our actions, our beliefs and our ideations are

irrational or silly. We don’t think that our feelings deserve the attention they need in order for

us to put up a fight, and because of that we repress them in favour of façade. If anyone was

ever the perfect poster child for repressed emotions, Buffy Summers would be it.

But through Buffy we learn that, although we are mentally ill, we can still be heroes—and god

knows we have all developed super-strength in order to fight our demons. We wake up every

day already fighting a battle with ourselves and we go to bed—though not necessarily to

sleep—still fighting. But such is life, a never-ending battle for survival. Whether we have good

days or bad, we are all still living on top of a gaping Hellmouth. But we can deal with that,

because we’re all slayers.

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As far as a support system is concerned, Buffy does have some awesome friends, but ultimately

they don’t understand her. They support her, and they try everything they can to help her, but

they are always on the fringes of understanding the burden of being a vampire slayer, and

that’s okay. In our own lives we have friends that don’t get it, and likely never will. That’s not

their fault, and it’s not Willow’s or Xander’s or Tara’s or whoever’s fault either. Their lack of

comprehension of the feelings and complexities involved with being the Slayer aren’t there to

further Buffy’s character arc. Buffy’s friends are dealing with their own problems—Willow has an

untapped power inside of her that she is learning to control, Xander feels emasculated next to

his powerful female buddies, and Giles is coming to terms with the fact that he may no longer

be needed. Yet, my heart broke for Buffy who was constantly assumed to be emotionally

stronger and more mature than she was, just because she was the slayer. Even upon meeting

Faith, another slayer, she felt disconnected because Faith was swimming in her own issues and

refused to let anyone in. Instead she put on the face of someone brave and tricked everyone

into believing she was fine. This, in turn, hurt Buffy even more because it made her feel weak in

comparison.

But that is simply not the case. Everyone has their own world inside their head, and everyone

has a part of themselves that tries to get their vulnerabilities and bring them down. The

juxtaposition of Buffy and Faith and their respective ways of coping with life reminded me of

this, and helped me realise even putting on a “fake” brave face is still a show of bravery.

As Buffy Summers said, “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.”

Remember, your mental illness does not define you. Slay on, slayers.

originally published in at http://hvngrymag.com/2014/03/12/buffy-the-vampire-slayer-and-mental-illness/ image credits, in order: ©Warner Bros. ©Warner Bros.