BurntKARLY

LANE

First published 2013First Australian paperback edition 2015ISBN 978 174369241 7

BURNT 2013 by Karly Lane, revised edition 2015Australian Copyright 2013, 2015New Zealand Copyright 2013, 2015

Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilisation of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the permission of the publisher.

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All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Published byHarlequin MiraAn imprint of Harlequin Enterprises (Australia) Pty Ltd.Level 4, 132 Arthur StreetNORTH SYDNEY NSW 2060AUSTRALIA

and TM are trademarks of Harlequin Enterprises Limited or its corporate affiliates. Trademarks indicated with are registered in Australia, New Zealand and in other countries.

Printed and bound in Australia by Griffin Press

Prologue

Screams, lights, blood and the smell of the entire world burning were the last things Seb Taylor remembered as the darkness swam before his eyes and he fell into an endless pit of despair.

He walked from the church, numb, never lifting his eyes from the ground. Hed sat at the back on purpose, trying to keep a low profile. His parents sat either side of him. His arm throbbed and ached, but not as badly as his heart. The car trip out to the cemetery was a blur of dry grass and an endless row of people lining the streets. They stared at him accusingly and he felt their hate burning his flesh like a blow torch.

At the graveside, he tried to listen to the ministers voice, hear the words that would comfort him, but all he heard was the veiled message that these two young, vibrant lives had been stolen away too soon by him.

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He knew she was standing at the edge of the graves, but he couldnt look at her. Her face was battered and bruised, the white sling holding her broken arm stark against her black dress. She leaned heavily on her father. This was the second funeral in two days. He refused to look across at the freshly dug earth in the far corner of the cemetery where Marty lay. Seb forced his gaze to remain on the hole between them. It was deep, dark and cold, but nowhere as deep as the hole he carried inside him.

Finally, the droning voice finished and he was free to leave.And never come back.

Ch apter 1

The sound of gravel under Rebecca Whitemans shoes was loud in the quiet night. The hospital was silent behind her. Itd been a long shift one nurse down, and too many beds. She couldnt wait to crawl into her own.

A small frown touched her brow as she got that strange feeling again, like someone was watching her. Shed been ignoring it for the last two weeks now, but it was getting worse. A shiver ran through her and goose bumps covered her arms.

Pressing the button on her key ring, she heard the comforting thunk as the car unlocked, a light glowing like a little beacon of safety inside. Quickening her steps, she slid in, locking the doors automatically after her. When she turned the ignition, the CD started where it had stopped when shed arrived at work earlier that afternoon, the deep, sexy tones of Lee Kernaghan

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filling the car, crooning about his Goondiwindi moon. With Lee helping to push away the uneasiness, she reversed out of the car park, more than ready to go home.

Home. The thought sparked a collage of emotions: relief, sadness, guilt

The tick-tock of the blinker interrupted her thoughts as she searched the empty street for traffic before pulling out of the hospital entrance and heading for the highway. While the streets might be quiet at this hour, the highway wasnt it never slept. Huge semi-trailers rumbled their way through town a dot on their road map, just another sleepy rural community as they continued up the east coast of New South Wales between Sydney and Brisbane.

After waiting at the traffic lights a new set, put in to cope with the brand spanking new Woolworths on the corner Rebecca drove past the landmarks that held so many precious memories. The duck pond, once a stinking, green eyesore, was now a well-maintained park, happily churning up large water spouts that helped agitate the water and deter the build-up of weeds and algae. How many times had she brought the girls down here for a picnic and to feed bread to the ducks? As little kids, it had been the highlight of their lives whenever theyd been visiting their grandparents. Regret touched her as she realised shed only brought the girls down here once since theyd moved back, and that experience had been less than memorable. All they did was fight and complain about how boring it was. Bored with feeding ducks at eight and ten years of age? What was the world coming to?

She slowed to a stop at the next set of traffic lights yes, two sets, with a third barely a hundred metres further up at

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the corner of the main street. Macksville had hit the big time. Not every town this size on the Mid North Coast could boast three sets of traffic lights in a row.

Rebecca glanced over at the car dealership that had once been owned by her grandfather and his brothers. She could still remember spending the day there when shed been about five. Shed been on one of her many visits and her nanna had had to go to an appointment, so the receptionists and mechanics had entertained her. It seemed mind-boggling that she was now a grown woman with children of her own.

The front light came on as she pulled up outside her home, and all feelings of unease vanished as she opened the front door and crept inside. She bit back a sigh. Shed built up years of distrust while living in the city, and still couldnt get used to the idea of her parents leaving the front door unlocked for her at night. No matter how many times she reassured them that she had a key, they still left the front door unlocked for her when she did night shift.

Rebecca poked her head around the corner of the spare room her children shared and smiled as she saw the two small heads sound asleep against the brightly coloured floral pillow cases that had been hers as a child. The girls looked so young and precious. Lately theyd lost that sad-eyed look that had stabbed at her heart and made her itch to gather them close and beg for forgiveness. Turning away, Rebecca let out a long sigh and made her way to the kitchen to put on the jug.

She tried to be as quiet as she could, although she knew shed never wake the girls theyd always slept like a log through the night. It was her parents she hated to disturb. Lately thats all shed felt she was doing: disturbing, disrupting imposing.

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She and the girls had been living back at her parents house a while now and it was time to go. Although she was grateful that her parents had opened their arms and home to her and her children, there was a limit to the amount of time a grown woman could live under the same roof with her parents. More to the point, there was a limit to how long they could tolerate two lively children and having their peaceful life upended.

She shook her head and smiled as she recalled the excitement in her mothers face when theyd pulled up three months ago, the car loaded up with their possessions and ready to start a new life. It was so good to be home and have her parents take care of them all for a little while, as she licked her wounds and found her feet again and she could easily get used to it if it werent for the kids. They needed a routine and a house of their own. Rebecca could feel some of her control slowly beginning to slip away. What started out as grandparents spoiling kids on holidays didnt transfer too well on a daily basis. The no boundaries life theyd fallen into recently wasnt good for the long term.

Taking her cup of herbal tea, which promised to give her a good nights sleep, Rebecca sat down at the kitchen bench and reached for the newspaper to search the to let section. As she picked it up, her eyes went to the large photo on the front and she gasped, dropping it onto the bench as she stared in shock. With shaking hands, she picked the paper up again cautiously, as though it were dangerous, and lifted it closer to get a better look at the photo there. It was grainy, but the hard, cold eyes staring back at her were the same ones she sometimes still saw when she closed her own at night.

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The headline shouted at her and she forced herself to the story.

Local man injured in Afghanistan war

Seb swore softly beneath his breath as a pain stabbed at his side again. Hed spent too long cramped behind a steering wheel. Hed just made it into town on the last of his tank of petrol and would have preferred not to stop he wasnt in the mood to make polite conversation with anyone who might recognise him from his youth around here but hed misjudged his fuel consumption and had no choice but to fill up at the first servo in town. It was a bit flasher than he remembered, but was basically the same as it had always been.

He didnt recognise the bloke behind the counter and he didnt stop to ask questions. As hed reached for the handle of the door, hed felt the tight pull of skin and muscle as they protested the movement. The pain was a dull ache now, but he welcomed it. If he felt pain he knew he was still alive. He should be grateful that he was back on his feet. After three months recuperating in a hospital, he was just happy to be out of bed.

Easing back into the drivers seat, he took a minute to catch his breath before turning the ignition key and pulling onto the road. Not much had changed in town. It was a little eerie to think time had stood still.

Once he was on the road leading out to Bowraville, he felt light-headed. Things seemed to slow down and he could hear his heartbeat, loud in his ears over the sound of his engine. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter and a cold sweat broke out on his brow and back. He knew what it was, but

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he was powerless to do anything about it. The closer he got to the accident scene, the heavier his heart felt.

Then, in the space of a heartbeat, it was gone. As soon as he passed the spot, the universe shifted back into alignment. Seb refused to lift his gaze from the road ahead to his rear-view mirror. There was no sense in looking back it never changed anything.

He passed through Bowraville, its wide, sleepy main street lined with a scattering of parked cars. He didn't make eye contact with the few people he saw chatting in groups of twos and threes outside the butchers, newsagent and grocery store. It was a relief when he finally turned left over the small bridge at the bottom of the hill, leaving the town behind him.

Green paddocks lined the roadside as he pointed his four-wheel drive in the direction of his fathers farm. The road was now bitumen and a big improvement on the dirt of his childhood days. As he drove, he took note of the names on the odd assortment of letterboxes, ranging from cut-down plastic oil drums to old microwave ovens and tin boxes. He didnt recognise many of the surnames. Here, it seemed, time had moved on. City people had come and bought the farms that had become too large for the older farmers to manage without the younger generation to take them over. There was little interest in staying on the farm these days, when work opportunities were limited and going to the city or mining in remote parts of Australia offered better earning prospects.

Seb slowed down to turn into the driveway ahead and let his car roll to a stop as he took in the view before him. Hed forgotten how breathtakingly beautiful this place was.

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Hills sloped down towards rich pastures. A thick line of trees in the distance hid the clear water of the creek that flowed through the property and eventually wound its way down to the river and, from there, to the ocean, kilometres away at Nambucca.

Seb narrowed his gaze and focused on the farm far below. Things had gone downhill by the looks of the overgrown house yard and the general condition of the paddocks. A frown creased his brow at the thought. In the few brief phone calls hed made home on an irregular basis thanks to his erratic work schedule in the SAS his father had never mentioned that things werent going well. Then again, theyd hardly found much to talk about since his mother had died almost two years before.

He saw two dogs emerge from beneath the house, barking as they spun around in circles and jumped excitedly, but he couldnt hear them he was still too far away. Seb put the car into gear and drove through the gates.

By the time hed parked in front of the large, three-car tin shed beside the house, his old man was there to greet him.

Christ when had he got so old? For a minute, Seb could only stare, but he recovered quickly and pulled his face into the expressionless mask the army had invested a great deal of time and money to perfect. Bracing for the wave of pain that was about to come, he opened the door and swung his legs out of the car, biting down hard on the curse that threatened to escape.

His father stood at the gate and held out a hand. You look better than I was expecting, he said in his gruff voice that sounded rusty from lack of use. They shook hands briefly.

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Better than I looked a few months ago. He took in his fathers crumpled clothes, hanging off him as proof of the weight hed lost. When Sebs mother had been alive, his fathers clothes would have been ironed to within an inch of their life and there was no way shed have let him walk around holding his pants up with one hand, hair wild and face unshaven.

Seb took off his sunglasses and followed his father inside, waiting a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He scanned the room and let the familiar furniture and smells take him back. It wasnt the tidy, well-cared-for house he remembered.

Guess the place could use a bit of a tidy up, his father said from behind him.

Seb shrugged, trying to put him at ease. Better shape than some of the places Ive been in.

Need a hand to bring in your gear?Seb glanced down to the large duffle bag at his feet and

shook his head. Nah, this is all I got.Thought you were here for a while? Wheres the rest of

your stuff?I dont have much. He thought of the four boxes of

belongings hed packed up and stored on base and the small TV and laptop in the back of the four-wheel drive not much to show for eighteen years out on your own.

Truth was, he was rarely home to accumulate anything. He lived on base and had all his meals cooked for him he hadnt needed a lot of stuff.

Im just about to put the kettle on you want a cuppa?Sure. Seb walked out to the kitchen table and sat down

slowly.

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How do you have it, son?Black. His father gave him a look and Seb shrugged. There

isnt always milk and sugar on hand out in the field guess I got used to it, he said, turning his gaze to the door and out across the paddocks.

From the corner of his eye, he saw his fathers hand shake as he spooned in the coffee granules and lifted the kettle from the stove. Sebs jaw clenched as things began to fall into place. The weight loss, the general decline of the place, the shakes His father had been hitting the bottle.

Anger surged through his veins. He couldnt help but think what his mother would have to say about it shed have kicked his fathers arse from here to kingdom come if shed been alive. Seb had seen what alcohol could do to people; hed seen how it had torn apart his best mates life as a kid and to this day he couldnt stand watching people abuse alcohol, even socially, which had made him a bit of an oddity in his army career at first. He soon learnt to ignore what everyone else said about him; his focus had been on one thing and one thing only trying out for the SAS and hed devoted all his energy to preparing himself to become physically and emotionally tough enough to make it through selection.

First thing tomorrow, hed go on a bottle hunt and get rid of any alcohol he found lying around the house. Stuffed if hed sit here and watch his father drink himself to death.

The two men took their coffee out to the back verandah and sat watching the sway of the trees guarding the creek. The cry of a crow out in the paddocks broke the silence and a loud sigh

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escaped from the young kelpie pup at Sebs feet as he lazily opened one eye, then dropped his head to rest on his folded paws.

So its pretty bad over there, then? Angus asked.Seb took a sip of his coffee before answering. Its not good.We making any progress, you think?Seb gave a small snort of contempt. Its like cutting the

head off a bloody hydra it just grows another one to replace it. Were not going to win this thing and the politicians who say otherwise are liars.

You think theyll bring back the troops soon?Yeah, eventually. The Yanks are supposed to be scaling

down over the next few years, but who knows.So what are you going to do? You going back over?It wasnt a matter of not going back over he was trained to

do a specialised job and was needed over there but hed lost some good mates in the ambush and hed only barely made it out of there himself. This time it was harder to bounce back and move on. He wasnt afraid of going back he was more concerned that he wouldnt be able to stop going back. The adrenaline rush the job gave him was exactly the reason hed worked so hard to get into the SAS in the first place: it got into your blood, like a drug. He wasnt sure how he would be able to live like a normal person after he got too old for active duty he couldnt think about it. There wasnt too much that scared him in this world any more, but a future without the SAS absolutely petrified him. The work defined him, made him who he was. Without it, he was nothing but an empty, lonely man.

Seb stared into the dark coffee as though it were a crystal ball. Dunno yet. I just needed to take a break for a while. Once

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I get all this under control he nodded down to his side and chest, where the scars from the worst of his wounds were, Ill see what happens.

Well, itll be good to have you back for a while its been too long, his father said, keeping his gaze fixed on the tree line ahead.

Seb swallowed past a lump in his throat. It was the closest his father had ever come to saying hed missed him. He wondered what other breakthroughs this visit would bring.