by dave barton - pioneer drama service · be addressed to pioneer drama service, inc., po box 4267,...

By Dave Barton

© Copyright 2011, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every

performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK

IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear:

1. The full name of the play2. The full name of the playwright3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with

Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”

For preview only

ii

Th e Poisoned Apple is dedicated to the memories of

Matt Bond and Darlene Ruttman.

For preview only

iii

THE POISONED APPLE

By DAVE BARTON

CAST OF CHARACTERS(In order of appearance)

# of lines

DUMPLING ................................maid 21PUDDING ..................................another maid 21SNOW WHITE ............................beautiful princess 92DOMINO ...................................Queen Drunella’s lady cat 39LADY LAVENDER ........................member of the royal court 13LADY ROSETTE ..........................member of the royal court 7QUEEN DRUNELLA .....................ruler of the kingdom of Drune 144LORD BAUSKE ..........................Queen Drunella’s lead attendant 4MAGIC MIRROR .........................Queen Drunella’s magical 57

hand mirrorLORD MARINER .........................royal guard 2LORD TUSSING .........................royal guard 7LADY IRIS .................................the Royal Tour Guide 11BUNDY .....................................visitor from the Kingdom 34

of ClarutzaROENEL ....................................visitor from the Kingdom 73

of ClarutzaLORD DOYLE .............................member of the royal court 2LORD BARRETT .........................royal guard 4LADY VIOLET .............................member of the royal court 2LADY AZALEA ............................member of the royal court 4HENRY .....................................dwarf leader 56HARRY......................................dwarf in charge of mowing 26HECTOR ...................................dwarf in charge of weeding 24HERMAN ...................................dwarf who plays the pipes 20HIRAM ......................................dwarf in charge of seeds 22HORACE ...................................dwarf in charge of seeds 18HORATIO ...................................quiet dwarf in charge of n/a

scaring the crowsPEDDLER-HAG ...........................Queen Drunella on a bad day 24QUEEN ROSAMUND ...................of Tira; disguised as 2

Lady Lavender*

For preview only

NOTE: PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

iv

GRAND DUCHESS CARMINA .......of Iberia; disguised as 2Lady Rosette*

PREMIERE OSCARMAN ..............of Hesse; disguised as 3Lord Bauske*

PRINCE FAIRWAY .......................of Golfe; disguised as 3Lord Mariner*

KING PENN ...............................of Sylvania; disguised as 2Lord Tussing*

KING CRAFT ..............................of Lower Halle; disguised as 2Lord Barrett*

KING GREENFIELD .....................of Clarutza; disguised as 14Lord Doyle*

QUEEN DIVA ..............................of Metropole; disguised as 1Lady Violet*

DUCHESS .................................of Southern Forestia; disguised 4as Lady Azalea*

*Since the VISITING ROYALS are disguised as the LORDS and LADIES, these parts could easily be doubled. See PRODUCTION NOTES.

SETTINGThe action takes place in the Kingdom of Drune, some years after the Great War.

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

ACT ONEScene One: The palace throne roomScene Two: The Dark ForestScene Three: The cottage of the Seven DwarvesScene Four: A hallway in the palaceScene Five: The cottage of the Seven Dwarves

ACT TWOScene One: The palace throne roomScene Two: The Dark ForestScene Three: The palace throne room

For preview only

v

SET DESCRIPTIONSets can be made as simple or elaborate as the budget and space allows.The throne room requires only a small bench and a velvet and gilt throne with a seat cushion and a draped, decorated canopy. There are two exits to the throne room. The RIGHT EXIT is the main entrance to the throne room. The LEFT EXIT is for servants and household matters.The Dark Forest can be played with a simple backdrop or in front of the curtain.The cottage of the Seven Dwarves requires only a table and the beds. A backdrop of the cottage’s interior would dress it up nicely, but is not required. The beds may be one large platform dressed to look like seven separate beds. There is a door, RIGHT, in the cottage, but the action at the door may be staged OFF RIGHT in the wings if necessary.The palace hallway may be played in front of the curtain or in an empty space. A table with equipment for mixing potions is brought on during this scene. It should have a large, fl owing tablecloth that reaches to the fl oor to accommodate QUEEN DRUNELLA’S transformation to the PEDDLER-HAG. (See PRODUCTION NOTES.)

For preview only

1

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

THE POISONED APPLE

ACT ONEScene One

The throne room of the royal palace in the Kingdom of Drune. UP LEFT is an elaborate velvet and gilt throne under a richly decorated canopy. A small hand mirror with a ribbon tied to it is hidden under the seat cushion of the throne. A small bench is RIGHT of the throne.AT RISE: DUMPLING and PUDDING are discussing DRUNELLA’S most recent decree. As they talk, they unroll a brilliant purple carpet leading DOWN RIGHT from the throne. PUDDING is humming merrily.DUMPLING: Pudding, I wouldn’t be so merry if I were you! The queen

says happiness is no longer allowed in the Kingdom of Drune.PUDDING: (Laughs.) Oh, Dumpling, there you go again, making

mountains out of molehills! The queen is only forbidding beauty, not happiness.

DUMPLING: Well, I’ve always thought happiness itself a thing of rare beauty.

PUDDING: You’re right. Silly me.DUMPLING: You’re not silly, Pudding. You only repeated the words

of Queen Drunella’s order, “Beauty in anything or anyone other than the royal person of Queen Drunella of Drune is henceforth forbidden.” What I don’t understand is how the queen can forbid beauty and cause a great deal of unhappiness, and on the same day, call a meeting of all the ruling families of the world to discuss world peace. How can there be peace without happiness or happiness without beauty?

PUDDING: It’s all far too complicated for my brain! (The carpet is now unrolled and in place. DUMPLING EXITS OFF LEFT and RE-ENTERS with a large free-standing candelabra and a basket of candles.)

DUMPLING: Be a love, Pudding, and help me to put the candles in place, so that everything is ready for Her Majesty. (They place the candles in the candelabra and step back to admire the room.) There, now! Isn’t that a fi t setting for a queen?

PUDDING: The room is truly beautiful! (They curtsy to the throne, to the candelabra and to each other.)

PUDDING/DUMPLING: (Terror-stricken.) Beautiful? Heaven help us! (They dash around, breaking the candles.)

PUDDING: Queen Drunella will have our heads if the throne room is beautiful! Hurry! You mess up the cushions. I’ll take care of the carpet! (Runs to the carpet and “rips” a large hole in the center of it. See PRODUCTION NOTES.)

For preview only


2

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DUMPLING: (Sets the cushions awry.) Oh! What a mess!SNOW WHITE’S VOICE: (Calls from OFF LEFT.) Domino! Domino!PUDDING: And just in time, too. Someone is coming. Hide, quickly.

(They look about frantically for a hiding place.)SNOW WHITE’S VOICE: (Still OFFSTAGE, but closer.) Domino? Where

are you?DUMPLING: Quickly, Pudding! The queen is coming! (Looks quickly

around.) At least the room is now fi t for her!PUDDING: (Peeks from her hiding place behind the throne.) But Queen

Drunella’s beautiful!DUMPLING: On the outside, yes! But on the inside she looks like a

dirty fi replace! (Crawls under the carpet through the rip.)SNOW WHITE: (Very near, now.) Are you in the throne room, Domino?

(ENTERS LEFT.) Domino! Where are you, naughty cat? (Notices the lump under the carpet.) Oh, there you are. Come along now. The queen has ordered me to feed you before her royal guests arrive. Domino, do you hear me? Domino, if you don’t come out before I count to three, I’m going to have to spank you. All right. One! Two! (Smiles, then sits on the lump as if it were a chair.) I guess you aren’t in here, are you Domino? It’s really a shame, too. What with a nice saucer of fresh cream waiting for you in the pantry. Oh, well, I can always give it to Lady Lavender to bring home to her kitten. After all, her kitten never causes any trouble. (Stands and crosses UPSTAGE of the lump.) Three! (Gives a fi rm spank to the lump. DUMPLING jumps out from under the carpet and rubs her injury.)

DUMPLING: Ahhh!SNOW WHITE: Dumpling! I’m so sorry, I thought you were that horrid

cat, Domino. Did I hurt you?DUMPLING: (Curtsies.) Of course not, Princess. You only startled me.SNOW WHITE: (Laughs.) I’d say that we were both startled! But what

were you doing under the carpet? And what has happened to the throne room?

PUDDING: (Steps from behind the throne.) We were hiding, Princess.SNOW WHITE: What’s going on around here?PUDDING: We were merely preparing the throne room as Queen

Drunella wishes.SNOW WHITE: This is what the queen wishes?DUMPLING: Oh yes, Princess. The queen doesn’t allow beauty in the

kingdom of Drune. It’s one of her new laws.SNOW WHITE: You know, when I was a child, I always felt that this

was the most beautiful room in the whole world. My mother, Queen

For preview only

3

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

Anne, always fi lled it with fl owers and music. This room always sparkled so. (Sits on the small bench.) Then Mother died. Father felt that the kingdom needed the love that only a queen can give her people, so he remarried. For a while everything was as it had been, until the Great Wars came and Father went off to battle. He never returned.

PUDDING: Perhaps that is why the queen has invited the world’s rulers here to discuss world peace?

SNOW WHITE: Perhaps. Anyway, we mustn’t stand around when there are so many chores that must be done.

DUMPLING: Yes. We still have to tidy up the 78 royal bedchambers.PUDDING: Dumpling, you attend to those few rooms. I must arrange

the fl owers.DUMPLING: We must attend to our duties at once, Princess.SNOW WHITE: Of course. When you have fi nished, come to the pantry.

Cook has just baked fresh suet cookies for the royal guests. I’m sure she’ll give you some.

PUDDING: Thank you, Princess. You are very kind! (MAIDS curtsy and EXIT LEFT.)

SNOW WHITE: They to their chores, and I to mine. Now to fi nd that cat! (As if by cue, DOMINO ENTERS RIGHT. She is large and black with a few white spots. From the way she carries herself, it is obvious that she feels the weight of her own importance.)

SNOW WHITE: Oh, there you are, Domino. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Now where have you been?

DOMINO: Meow. (“In the stables.”)SNOW WHITE: In the royal stables? Now, Domino, you know that the

queen doesn’t want you to get under hoof! Why did you go there?DOMINO: Meeeeeow! (“To play with mice.”)SNOW WHITE: But Domino, you aren’t supposed to play with mice.

They’ll ruin your appetite!DOMINO: (Rubs her stomach and smiles wickedly.) Meow! Meeeow.

Meow! (“But they’re so delicious.”)SNOW WHITE: Just for that, no cream until you learn to behave.DOMINO: Meow! (“I’ll tell the queen!”)SNOW WHITE: You tell the queen that I’ve refused to feed you, and

I’ll tell her who’s been getting into her beauty potions and magic charms! (EXITS LEFT. DOMINO stretches and crosses to the throne. She reaches under the cushion and produces a small hand mirror with a ribbon tied to its handle. She licks the mirror and preens herself, purring happily. After a beat or two, LADIES LAVENDER and

For preview only

4

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

ROSETTE ENTER RIGHT. Both are young and pretty. They cross to the RIGHT side of the throne and curtsy.)

DRUNELLA: (ENTERS LEFT, talking to LORD BAUSKE who follows her ON. Crosses slowly to her throne.) The platters, the fl atware, the candlesticks and that noisy silent butler must be tarnished. The china and crystal, dull and chipped. (Passes the LADIES.) Curtsy lower, ladies, and keep your eyes directly on my feet. I’ll tell you when you can stand. (Sits on the throne and again addresses LORD BAUSKE.) Where was I? Oh yes, the china and crystal must be dull and chipped, and tell Lady Rosette—

LADY ROSETTE: (Still in a curtsy, eyes downward.) I’m right here, Your Majesty.

DRUNELLA: Speak when you are spoken to! (To LORD BAUSKE.) …and tell Lady Rosette to sweep some ashes from the fi replace into the dining room carpet. The color is much too bright. Everything must be dull, dingy and imperfect. Everything, that is, except for me!

LORD BAUSKE: I shall, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Everything must be offensive and smelly, except for me!

Everything must appear old and ugly, except for— (The LADIES laugh.) And what are you two impertinent geese giggling about? Stand tall when I talk to you!

LADY ROSETTE: (Rises.) We were just noticing Domino, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Domino?LADY LAVENDER: She reminded us of you.DRUNELLA: Domino remind you of me? How odd. Of course, she does

have natural beauty and poise, but… (Notices DOMINO, who has been preening with great relish.) Domino! Give me that mirror at once! Don’t ever touch it again, it’s mine! No, don’t drop it! (Leaps off her throne and grabs the mirror.) Bad cat! I’m going to have to punish you! (DOMINO backs away.) Domino, come here at once! I command it!

DOMINO: Meow! (“No!”)DRUNELLA: How dare you say “No!” to me? And in that tone of voice!

Come here this instant!LORD BAUSKE: (Catches DOMINO and returns her to DRUNELLA.) I’m

sorry, old girl, but…DRUNELLA: Silence! Lord Bauske, just who were you calling “old girl”?LORD BAUSKE: Why, Domino, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Well, there is to be no mention of “old girl” ever again in

this kingdom. I have just made it a law. Is that clear, Lord Bauske?LORD BAUSKE: Yes, Your Majesty!

For preview only

5

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

DRUNELLA: Then leave me alone! (LORD BAUSKE EXITS LEFT.) Lady Rosette, don’t you have duties to attend to? If you’ve fi nished all that I requested, I can give you much more to do.

LADY ROSETTE: Oh no, Your Majesty. I still have a great many chores to fi nish.

DRUNELLA: Then get to work, girl! I don’t wish to enjoy your company one minute more than I must.

LADY ROSETTE: Yes, Your Majesty, I understand. (EXITS LEFT. LADY LAVENDER starts to follow.)

DRUNELLA: Lady Lavender, did I excuse you?LADY LAVENDER: No, Your Majesty, I just thought…DRUNELLA: You are not here to think, Lavender, you are here to work.LADY LAVENDER: Yes, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: (To DOMINO.) Now, you’ve been very bad, haven’t you,

pumpkin?DOMINO: Meow! (“Yes.”)DRUNELLA: And Mummy will have to do something so that you won’t

forget, won’t she?DOMINO: Meow. (“I guess so.”)DRUNELLA: Now, what do you think Mummy should do?DOMINO: Meow. (“I don’t know.”)LADY LAVENDER: Your Majesty, I have a beautiful kitten at home, and

when he does something that he shouldn’t do, I tell him that he’s bad and never to do it again!

DRUNELLA: Lady Lavender, I’m not talking to you! (To DOMINO.) Well, Domino, have you fi gured out what Mummy is going to do to you?

DOMINO: Meow. (“No.”)DRUNELLA: Well, come close and I’ll whisper it to you. (DOMINO leans

closer to DRUNELLA, who pulls out one of her whiskers. DOMINO grabs her face and starts to cry.) Now maybe in the future you’ll listen to me!

LADY LAVENDER: Your Majesty! You mustn’t ever pull out a cat’s whisker. Why, cats use them for many things—

DRUNELLA: Lady Lavender, if I wanted a lecture on cats I would have called for the royal vet!

LADY LAVENDER: Of course, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Now, take Domino to the pantry and make sure that Snow

White has fed her. I don’t want her purring while my guests are here. We have many important matters to discuss.

For preview only


6

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

LADY LAVENDER: Yes, Your Majesty. Come along, Domino, I’ll see that you are properly taken care of. (DOMINO dashes OFF LEFT.)

DRUNELLA: (Sweet.) Oh, Lady Lavender?LADY LAVENDER: Yes, Your Majesty?DRUNELLA: Did I understand you to say that you have a fl uffy little

kitten of your own?LADY LAVENDER: Oh yes, Your Majesty. He has the funniest smile,

and when he purrs, he makes everyone laugh.DRUNELLA: Does he now? Lavender, will you do me a favor.LADY LAVENDER: Of course, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Good. Tomorrow morning, when the sun comes up and

the birds in the forest start singing…LADY LAVENDER: Yes, Your Majesty?DRUNELLA: …take your adorable little kitten down to the lake…

(Screams.) …and throw him in!LADY LAVENDER: (On the verge of tears.) But, Your Majesty!DRUNELLA: It is my law that there is to be no beauty in the Kingdom

of Drune. If your cat is as cute as you say he is, he must be drowned. (Sweet again.) Good-bye, Lady Lavender, and when you leave, please pull the drapes behind you! (LADY LAVENDER runs OFF LEFT in tears. DRUNELLA, now alone, places the mirror’s ribbon around her neck. LIGHTS DIM. SPOTLIGHT UP ON DRUNELLA. SOUND EFFECT: EERIE MUSIC. DRUNELLA laughs as if she were mad, stops abruptly and addresses the mirror. Chants.)Skies of green and dirt of blue,Ice of heat, antiques of new,Nine from eight, the answer’s three,Magic Mirror, answer me!

MIRROR: (Annoyed. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) All right, old girl, what do you want?

DRUNELLA: Must you use that term of affection with me?MIRROR: What makes you think that it’s a term of affection? You are

183 years old, you know! If I hadn’t given you the formula for a youth potion, you’d look every year of it!

DRUNELLA: Must we talk about my age at a moment like this? I’ve hundreds of things to discuss with you.

MIRROR: One hundred eighty-three things?DRUNELLA: Oh, Mirror, why must you treat me so badly? I really need

your help!MIRROR: Drunella, you’re almost human after all.

For preview only

7

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DRUNELLA: I have scheduled the world peace meeting for this week!MIRROR: Step one completed.DRUNELLA: I’ve made beauty illegal in the kingdom of Drune. Step

two completed!MIRROR: Not necessarily, Drunella. To what extreme have you carried

your law?DRUNELLA: Why, I’ve outlawed it completely. I’ve even had Lady

Lavender throw her dumb little kitten into the lake!MIRROR: You’ve really outdone yourself, Drunella. But you seem to

forget, Lady Lavender is fair of face. What have you done about her? Or Lady Rosette, or Snow White or even Domino? Their beauty is enough to ruin your plans for power! Remember, Drunella, as long as the ruling families of the world can see any beauty other than your own, you’ll never be able to bewitch them into giving you their kingdoms to rule.

DRUNELLA: But what am I to do? I can’t have all my subjects thrown into the lake. Who would cook for me or mend for me or read me bedtime stories? You certainly wouldn’t expect me to fend for myself, would you?

MIRROR: Don’t worry, Drunella. With my help you’ll think of something. You always have! Like the time you wanted to marry Queen Anne’s husband after she died, telling him that you thought Snow White the most adorable child in the world. Ha! You hated her even then, didn’t you? Was it because she was so pretty?

DRUNELLA: I don’t know what you’re talking about.MIRROR: Don’t worry. She isn’t pretty any longer.DRUNELLA: What do you mean? Why, Snow White’s absolutely

beautiful!MIRROR: Exactly!DRUNELLA: Oh, Mirror, I’m so miserable. What can I do? Why must I

be cursed with a kingdom full of pleasant looking subjects?MIRROR: Now is no time to feel sorry for yourself, Drunella. You must

attend to this matter at once!DRUNELLA: If only I could alter their appearances so that nobody

could see their real faces.MIRROR: Why don’t you talk to the royal costumer? I’m sure that he’ll

be able to help you! Now put me away, Drunella, and attend to business. Your royal guests will be arriving any moment!

DRUNELLA: Good-bye, Mirror. Wish me luck! (Puts the mirror back under the cushion. LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL. She sits on the throne very gently, then bellows towards the RIGHT entrance.) Lord

For preview only

8

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

Mariner! Lord Tussing! (LORDS MARINER and TUSSING rush ON RIGHT. They see DRUNELLA and bow low.)

LORD MARINER: Yes, Your Majesty?LORD TUSSING: You called for us, Queen Drunella?DRUNELLA: (Crosses to them.) You will take me to the royal costumer’s

shop!LORD MARINER: Is there to be a masked ball, Your Majesty?LORD TUSSING: We haven’t had one in ages!DRUNELLA: Well, gentlemen, this one is going to make up for lost

time! (EXITS LEFT, followed by the TWO LORDS. DUMPLING and PUDDING ENTER LEFT, carrying large baskets of dead fl owers and weeds.)

PUDDING: Where do we put these, Dumpling?DUMPLING: They’d look nice next to the throne…PUDDING: You’re right, dear. They would look lovely next to the throne.DUMPLING/PUDDING: Then we can’t put them next to the throne!LADY IRIS: (ENTERS RIGHT, followed by BUNDY and ROENEL. Speaks

like a museum tour guide.) As we pass through the antique draperies, Prince Bundy, we enter Queen Drunella’s throne room. The architecture dates back to the year 1127.

BUNDY: Clearly not one of the better years for architecture!LADY IRIS: Why, Dumpling, Pudding, what are the two of you doing

here?DUMPLING: Attending to the fl owers, Lady Iris.BUNDY: It looks as if you’re too late!PUDDING: Oh no, sir, we have just arranged them.LADY IRIS: (To BUNDY and ROENEL.) Now, gentlemen, if you will step

this way, (Crosses LEFT.) I’ll show you Queen Drunella’s collection of youth potion bottles. It is considered by some to be the most complete collection of its kind ever assembled under one roof!

BUNDY: (Sits on the bench.) If I may, Lady Iris, I would like to sit down for just a minute or two. (To ROENEL.) My boots, Roenel? (With a grimace, ROENEL removes BUNDY’S left boot. To LADY IRIS.) A squire must look out for his prince’s best interests, don’t you agree?

LADY IRIS: Of course, Prince Bundy, but we really must step quickly if we are to cover the entire palace before it’s time for my break.

BUNDY: Perhaps we could pick up a later tour?LADY IRIS: (Curtsies.) As you wish. Another one will be along within

ten minutes. (EXITS RIGHT. The MAIDS cross to BUNDY.)

For preview only

9

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DUMPLING: We’ll be leaving now, Your Highness. (Curtsies. BUNDY curtsies back.)

PUDDING: We’re retiring to the pantry if anyone needs us. (Curtsies. BUNDY curtsies back. The MAIDS cross LEFT and curtsy. BUNDY is about to curtsy back to them, but they EXIT LEFT.)

BUNDY: I wonder how they do that all the time without losing their balance? Remove my other boot, Roenel!

ROENEL: (Slaps BUNDY on the back, then lets out a roar of laughter.) Remove your own boot, Bundy. No one is around. You can forget the charade.

BUNDY: (Stands quickly.) Forgive me, Prince Roenel, I got carried away!ROENEL: (Eyes the room.) The throne room of Queen Drunella. What

do you think of it, Bundy?BUNDY: Dead fl owers! People tend to surround themselves with

refl ections of their own personality.ROENEL: If that’s so, Father may have been right about the queen.BUNDY: Your father’s a clever man, Prince Roenel.ROENEL: That he is, Bundy. That he is! I’m glad now that I listened

to Father’s suggestion to attend Queen Drunella’s peace talks dressed as a squire. He felt that I would be able to move more freely around the palace that way. Listen at key holes, spy around corners. Find out what the queen is up to. And for some reason, Bundy, I don’t believe that it’s world peace!

LADY IRIS: (ENTERS LEFT.) Shall we continue our tour, Your Grace?DRUNELLA’S VOICE: (From OFF LEFT.) Gifts! Gifts for everyone! (The

LORDS and LADIES ENTER LEFT and RIGHT, chattering with much excitement. Just as the noise reaches a feverish pitch, DRUNELLA sweeps IN LEFT, followed by PUDDING and DUMPLING, who carry a great many packages. SNOW WHITE follows behind them, wiping her hands on a dishrag.) Lords and Ladies, look what I have for everyone. Gifts! Snow White, be a good girl and help me hand them out. No need to push, I’ve plenty for all!

ROENEL: (To SNOW WHITE.) Any of them for me?SNOW WHITE: (Smiles.) Don’t count on it.LADY ROSETTE: But what are they, Your Majesty?LORD DOYLE: Yes, what are they?DRUNELLA: Why, they’re… (Turns sour.) Why isn’t anyone bowing? I am

your queen! The least you can do is bow! No gifts until everyone bows! (LORDS and LADIES bow low. ROENEL stops BUNDY from bowing. ROENEL bows. Even DOMINO bows. SNOW WHITE doesn’t.) Snow White, dear? Is something wrong with your knee?

For preview only

10

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

SNOW WHITE: No, Your Majesty.DRUNELLA: Then why aren’t you bowing?SNOW WHITE: But, Your Majesty, I am a princess!DRUNELLA: We mustn’t let family interfere with tradition! (Bellows.)

Bow! (SNOW WHITE bows. To BUNDY.) You, young man, who are you?

BUNDY: I’m Prince Bundy, from the kingdom of Clarutza!DRUNELLA: (Tries to remember.) Bundy. Prince Bundy? Oh, of course,

Prince Bundy! You’ll be sitting at table 14 during the banquet. (To the COURT.) You may rise! (They do.) I have a little surprise for each of you. (Reaches into one of the parcels and pulls out a mask. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) Ta-da!

LORD BARRETT: Masks, Your Majesty?LADY LAVENDER: Is there to be a ball?DRUNELLA: Try them on, everyone. I want to see how you’ll all look! (The

LORDS and LADIES try on their masks, laughing and joking amongst themselves. BUNDY wanders about trying to fi nd one for himself.) Domino, pumpkin, look what Mummy has for you. (Produces a long pink nose which she quickly attaches to DOMINO. DOMINO doesn’t like it at all and tries to scratch it off.) No, no, precious. Leave it where Mummy put it. Snow White, dear, let me see you. (SNOW WHITE turns to face DRUNELLA, holding up a mask to her face.) Perfect, just perfect! The effect is exactly what I wanted!

SNOW WHITE: Your Majesty, when will the ball be?DRUNELLA: Ball? What ball?LORD DOYLE: Why, the Masked Ball of course.LADY AZALEA: Yes, when do we get to wear the masks?DRUNELLA: (Matter-of-fact.) From this day on.SNOW WHITE: What?!DRUNELLA: From this day forward, you shall each wear your masks

24 hours a day! (LORDS and LADIES protest.) That is my law! My new law! Now get out of here, the lot of you. (LORDS and LADIES EXIT LEFT and RIGHT.) And mind you, I don’t ever want to see any of your wretched faces again! (And she doesn’t, for they wear the masks until the last scene.)

SNOW WHITE: Your Majesty! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. (Removes her mask and throws it to the fl oor.) I refuse to wear that silly mask! (Storms OFF LEFT.)

DRUNELLA: Really! (Notices ROENEL and BUNDY. BUNDY has a mask on, ROENEL doesn’t.) Well? What do you two want?

ROENEL: If it pleases Your Majesty, my master, Prince Bundy, wishes to have an audience with you.

For preview only

11

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DRUNELLA: Bundy? Prince Bundy? (Looks over at BUNDY, who waves at her.)

ROENEL: Table 14?DRUNELLA: Prince Bundy, of course. (Charm itself.) Prince Bundy, how

are you?BUNDY: In good health, Queen Drunella. I bring you good tidings from

my Father, King Greenfi eld of Clarutza.DRUNELLA: It really is a shame that he wasn’t feeling his best. I would

have loved for him to be here during our peace talks. (Indicates ROENEL.) And who is this?

BUNDY: Oh, nevermind my squire, Queen Drunella. (To ROENEL.) Bow to the queen, Roenel.

DRUNELLA: But why isn’t he wearing one of the masks?ROENEL: I would never consider wearing one of those foolish things!

Perhaps the people of your kingdom must abide by your laws, but I am from a far more civilized land!

DRUNELLA: (Shocked.) Prince Bundy, are you going to allow your squire to talk to me like that?

BUNDY: It’s the only language he knows, Drunella.DRUNELLA: (Outraged. She paces, then points to the LEFT EXIT.) Leave

me alone! I must be left alone!BUNDY: Of course, Drunella. Come along, Roenel. The queen wishes

for some solitude. (EXITS LEFT.)ROENEL: (Crosses to DRUNELLA.) I’m sorry, Your Majesty, for being so

outspoken. I realize my place now. It will never happen again.DRUNELLA: I understand, Squire Roenel. Travel always puts me on

edge, as well. Now, I have quite an assortment of masks left. Let’s fi nd one that would be suitable for your strong, handsome features.

ROENEL: I’m sorry, Queen Drunella, ask anything else of me. (Crosses to the LEFT EXIT.) I cannot and will not wear one of your masks. (Bows, then EXITS LEFT.)

DRUNELLA: (Removes the mirror from its resting place and puts the ribbon around her neck.) All right, Mirror. I know the chant, and you know I know the chant. I just don’t have time for the chant. I must speak to you at once! (LIGHTS DIM. SOUND EFFECT: EERIE MUSIC. SPOTLIGHT UP ON DRUNELLA.)

MIRROR: Stop frowning, Drunella, it’ll give you wrinkles. Now what is it this time?

DRUNELLA: Those masks! Ha! Snow White had the gall to refuse to wear one. And if that weren’t enough to contend with, some young squire “What’s-his-name” from “Who-knows-where” did the same!

For preview only


12

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

MIRROR: Relax, old girl, the solution is simple.DRUNELLA: Any more days like this and I’ll be old before my time!MIRROR: I’ll let that one pass, Drunella. Now as I see it, everybody

will be wearing masks, except of course for you, Snow White and the squire.

DRUNELLA: That’s right! What am I going to do?MIRROR: Do away with Snow White! Then, do away with the squire!

I’m surprised you hadn’t thought of that yourself!DRUNELLA: But how, Mirror?MIRROR: Have the squire take Snow White deep into the Dark Forest.

Tell him that since she broke one of your laws, she must be put to death!

DRUNELLA: I’m not sure. Isn’t there any other way we can deal with the problem?

MIRROR: With each passing day, Snow White grows more beautiful. She’ll soon surpass even you, Drunella!

DRUNELLA: That does it! Snow White must die! But what of the squire? Certainly you don’t expect me to kill him?

MIRROR: The Dark Forest is a very dangerous place for someone not familiar with it. Snakes? Wolves? Spiders?

DRUNELLA: That’s it! Oh, Mirror, you’re a genius! What would I be without you?

MIRROR: (Matter-of-fact.) A 183 year old hag!DRUNELLA: (Replaces the mirror under the cushion. LIGHTS RETURN

TO NORMAL.) Lord Tussing!LORD TUSSING: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Yes, Your Majesty?DRUNELLA: Send for Squire Roenel. I wish to speak to him immediately!LORD TUSSING: (Bows.) Yes, Your Majesty! (EXITS RIGHT.)DRUNELLA: Good-bye, Snow White! It was great fun… but it was just

one of those things! (Laugh builds and builds. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

End of Scene One

ACT ONEScene Two

LIGHTS UP: The Dark Forest. ROENEL and SNOW WHITE ENTER LEFT. He carries a bow and arrows. She has a covered basket of food.ROENEL: This looks like a fi ne place for us to rest. (Sits.) Join me and

let me see what food you brought.

For preview only

13

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

SNOW WHITE: (Laughs as she sits next to him.) Not yet. The queen told me to accompany you on your hunting adventure. She didn’t say I’d have to feed you, too!

ROENEL: Is that what the queen told you? That I was on a hunt?SNOW WHITE: Is there any other reason for venturing out into the

Dark Forest?ROENEL: What do you think?SNOW WHITE: (It’s a game.) I think that our kingdom is in danger from

a fi erce dragon, and you’ve come here armed with only your bow and arrows to slay the evil beast. Am I right?

ROENEL: Pretend that you are. Here I am, about to go into battle. About to use every ounce of energy in my body. How about feeding me before I have to face Olivia the dragon?

SNOW WHITE: Olivia! So the dragon’s a woman, is she?ROENEL: Of course, and probably a close aunt of Queen Drunella’s!SNOW WHITE: (Hands him some bread from the basket.) All right,

here! I wouldn’t want you to face any of my stepmother’s relatives on an empty stomach.

ROENEL: Bread? Is that all?SNOW WHITE: (Shows him the contents of the basket.) Bread before

the battle, sausages and cheese after. That way if Olivia comes out the victor, I’ll have more for myself!

ROENEL: (Smiles.) What an active imagination! And such a pretty princess too! Tell me, didn’t you think it odd that the queen had you accompany me today? I’ve never heard of a princess going on a hunt with a squire.

SNOW WHITE: I’m never treated like a princess.ROENEL: What? No lessons in ballet, needlework or kingdom

management? (SNOW WHITE smiles and shakes her head.) No appointments with the royal seamstress and milliner?

SNOW WHITE: No, and the closest I’ve come to a ball in the past ten years was when I scrubbed the ballroom fl oor.

ROENEL: You’re joking!SNOW WHITE: My daily lessons are in cooking, mending, cleaning

and fetching.ROENEL: But someday you’ll rule the kingdom. How will you ever know

what to do?SNOW WHITE: When Queen Drunella dies, I’ll rule this land with my

heart, like my parents did.ROENEL: Pretend that you are queen. What would Drune be like?

For preview only

14

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

SNOW WHITE: People would have freedom to spend their time doing what makes them happy. I wouldn’t allow any of my subjects to bow down to me. Queen Drunella insists on it, but I could never degrade another human being.

ROENEL: You would make a very fair queen.SNOW WHITE: What about you, Roenel? Pretend that you were born

of royal blood. How would you rule your land?ROENEL: That’s easy. With my brains, not with the sword!SNOW WHITE: I like that. Is that why you accompanied Prince Bundy

to Drune?ROENEL: (Gazes into SNOW WHITE’S eyes.) Prince Bundy? (Catches

himself.) Snow White, I have something to tell you.SNOW WHITE: What is it?ROENEL: I’m not on a hunt. Queen Drunella ordered me to bring you

here. (Barely gets it out.) I’m supposed to end your life, Princess.SNOW WHITE: End my life? She must be mad!ROENEL: But what law have you broken? What is punishable by death?SNOW WHITE: Breaking any of the queen’s laws is punishable by

death! The queen knows no compassion. Go ahead, Roenel, carry out your order. For not doing so would also violate the queen’s law. (Kneels, head downward.) Please do it swiftly.

ROENEL: I’m not going to do it, Princess!SNOW WHITE: But you must. Otherwise, the queen will have you put

to death!ROENEL: Run away, Snow White! I’ll catch a wild animal in the forest.

If I bring the queen its heart and tell her that it’s yours, she’ll believe that I carried out her orders.

SNOW WHITE: (Runs to ROENEL.) But you mustn’t go back! She’ll know!

ROENEL: I said that if I were to rule, I’d rule with my brain rather than with a sword. But, I assure you, I’m most competent with a sword. Now run away, Snow White! It’s your only chance.

SNOW WHITE: (Starts OFF RIGHT, then turns back towards ROENEL.) Take care of yourself, Roenel! (Picks up her basket and runs OFF RIGHT.)

ROENEL: Godspeed, Snow White! Remain safe. Please, remain safe! (Looks after her. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

End of Scene Two

For preview only

15

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

ACT ONEScene Three

LIGHTS UP: The cottage of the SEVEN DWARVES. UP RIGHT is the doorway, with windows RIGHT and LEFT. What appears to be seven small beds are clustered together UP LEFT. A small table with a water pitcher and set for seven with bowls, spoons and mugs is CENTER. There is also an extra bowl in the center of the table for buttons. Seven small stools are at the table and a small washtub and large spoon are DOWN RIGHT. The interior should look rather disheveled, like a bachelor pad. SOUND EFFECT: KNOCKS ON THE DOOR.SNOW WHITE’S VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Hello, is anybody home?

(More KNOCKS.) Is anybody in there? (Opens the door and ENTERS RIGHT, still carrying her food basket.) Hello? (To herself.) All right, Snow White, nobody’s at home. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable? (Sits on one of the stools.) If only I had a little water to quench my thirst. (Notices the water pitcher on the table.) Ask and ye shall receive. (Pours some water into a mug and drinks.) What a strange little room! Seven plates, seven mugs, seven stools and seven beds. I would say that a family of seven must live here. Everything’s so small—perhaps seven children! (Notices the bowls.) Why they even have their names on their bowls. (Goes around the table. Reads.) Henry. Harry. Hector. Herman. Hiram. Horace. Horatio. Horatio must be the youngest, for his bowl is certainly the dirtiest! Well, the least I can do to thank these young men for their hospitality is to wash Horatio’s bowl. (Crosses to the tub, bowl in hand, and washes it. Yawns.) Oh, I’m exhausted! This has certainly been an exhausting day. (Puts the bowl back in its place and looks toward the beds.) I shouldn’t do this, but I simply must rest for a moment. (Lies down across the beds. Just as she falls asleep, the DWARVES are heard OFF RIGHT, marching toward the door.)

HENRY’S VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Brothers, halt! We are again safely home! (The marching stops, and the DWARVES cheer. The door fl ies open and IN they come, shouting and laughing. Each runs to his place at the table and sits down.)

HARRY: Food! It’s time for food!HECTOR: We must have food before we return to work!HERMAN: Whose turn is it to fi x our meal?HIRAM: Not mine. I did it yesterday.HORACE: I helped yesterday! (The DWARVES turn to HORATIO.)HENRY: Horatio, it looks like it’s your turn. Hop to it! (HORATIO jumps

up, gathers all the bowls and runs over to the tub. He then turns to

For preview only


16

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

the DWARVES for their orders.) Well, brothers, what shall we have tonight?

HARRY: Harry says, “Twig stew!”HECTOR: Hector says, “Twig stew!”HERMAN: Herman says, “Twig stew!”HIRAM: Hiram says, “Twig stew!”HORACE: Horace says, “Twig stew!”HENRY: And Henry says, “Twig stew!” How about you, Horatio? Does

Horatio say “Twig stew”? (HORATIO nods his head enthusiastically. It’s obviously one of his favorites.) Then twig stew it is!

DWARVES: Hooray! (HORATIO picks up a large spoon and stirs the tub as the OTHERS pull the necessary ingredients from their pockets and drop them in.)

HARRY: Thread!HECTOR: Clover!HERMAN: Fish hook!HIRAM: (Pulls a sheet of green paper out of his pocket.) Paper!HENRY: (Stops HIRAM.) Not green paper. Red! (HIRAM drops in a sheet

of red paper.)HORACE: Chocolate bar!HENRY: And a pine cone! Now, brothers, while Horatio fi nishes our

meal, we have business to discuss. (The DWARVES, except for HORATIO, march over to the table and sit down.) Queen Drunella has recently passed a new law. Harry, can you tell us what it is?

HARRY: She passes new laws every day, Henry. I don’t know which one you’re talking about!

HENRY: You don’t know? (HARRY shakes his head, “no.”) Then you’re fi ned two buttons!

HARRY: I was saving the buttons to buy a new pillow! (All the DWARVES laugh. HARRY removes two buttons from his coat and deposits them in a bowl on the table.) Hector, do you know?

HECTOR: No, Harry.HENRY: (Points to the bowl.) Two buttons! (Again the DWARVES laugh.

HORATIO serves the twig stew.)HECTOR: There goes the new nightlight! (Removes the buttons from

his cuff and deposits them in the bowl.)HENRY: Does anybody know which law I’m talking about? (HORATIO

nods “yes,” but can’t explain it vocally.) I’m sorry, Horatio. But that’ll cost you two buttons! (HORATIO deposits the two buttons and continues serving the stew.) Queen Drunella has made it illegal for fl owers or plants to grow!

For preview only

17

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

HERMAN: She hasn’t?!HIRAM: She can’t do that! We spend all day tending to the fl owers

and greenery.HORACE: What does Queen Drunella expect us to do?HARRY: If we don’t tend to the plants, what will the animals in the

forest eat? (HORATIO has fi nished serving and sits down to join the OTHERS.)

HENRY: The queen doesn’t care about us or the animals. (The DWARVES nod and mutter in general agreement.)

HECTOR: Hector says we should break the queen’s law. (Again the DWARVES nod and mutter.)

HENRY: That could be dangerous. The queen is very powerful.HERMAN: Only because she uses magic.HIRAM: Hiram isn’t afraid of her magic!DWARVES: (Ad-lib.) No! Not at all! She doesn’t scare us!HENRY: Then it’s settled. We’ll ignore her law. We’ll return to the Dark

Forest immediately after eating and tend to our gardens.HARRY: Three cheers for Henry! Hip-hip!DWARVES: Hooray!HECTOR: Hip-hip!DWARVES: Hooray!!HERMAN: Hip-hip!DWARVES: Hooray!!!HENRY: Thank you, brothers. Meeting adjourned! Let’s eat! (The

DWARVES dig in. After a spoonful or two of some rather noisy eating, they put down their spoons. HORATIO continues eating.)

HIRAM: This is awful! Perhaps I should have put the green paper in it.HORACE: I don’t understand? We followed the same recipe that we

always do.HARRY: But it tastes different.HECTOR: It tastes horrible! (During the following conversation, SNOW

WHITE awakens and looks around the room as if she were not sure of where she is. After a moment, she relaxes and watches the DWARVES. They amuse her.)

HERMAN: Like somebody left something out.HIRAM: I put in the paper.HORACE: And I the chocolate bar.HENRY: I added the pine cone.HARRY: Thread.

For preview only

18

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

HECTOR: Clover.HERMAN: Fish hook.HENRY: Horatio! Did you remember to put in the twigs? (ALL eyes turn

on HORATIO. HORATIO puts down his spoon and tries to hide under the table.)

HIRAM: (Catches HORATIO before he disappears.) Oh, no you don’t!HORACE: That’s what’s missing! Horatio forgot the twigs in the twig

stew!HENRY: That does it! (Points to the button bowl.) Horatio, two buttons!

(HORATIO shakes his head “no.”) I said two buttons, Horatio! (Again, HORATIO shakes “no.”)

DWARVES: (Ad-lib.) Come on, Horatio! You’ve been fi ned and you have to pay! Two buttons is really not that much! It’s the only fair thing to do! (HORATIO covers his eyes with one hand and pulls off his two remaining buttons with the other. His pants fall down, revealing a bright orange diaper! The DWARVES laugh hysterically. Even SNOW WHITE joins in. The DWARVES turn to see her, shocked. HORATIO quickly pulls up his pants. During the following dialogue, he ties a rope around his waist as a belt.)

HARRY: (Points.) A girl!HECTOR: In the cottage of the Seven Dwarves? Impossible!HERMAN: Why, that isn’t even permitted!HIRAM: There’s never been a woman in this house!HORACE: Unnnnnnnnn-thinkable! (The DWARVES push HENRY towards

SNOW WHITE.)HENRY: Ah, I’m sorry young lady, but, ah, you can’t be a woman. You

see, ah, women aren’t, ah, allowed here!SNOW WHITE: Nonsense! (Her answer startles HENRY, who runs back

to the OTHERS.)HARRY: What did she say?SNOW WHITE: I said, “Nonsense!” Of course I’m a woman.HECTOR: What’s your name?SNOW WHITE: Snow White.HERMAN: Princess Snow White?SNOW WHITE: The same.HIRAM: Did the queen send you here to spy on us?SNOW WHITE: Of course not!HORACE: Then what are you doing in our cottage?SNOW WHITE: Hiding from the queen.HENRY: Why should you have to hide from Queen Drunella?

For preview only

19

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

SNOW WHITE: The queen ordered Squire Roenel to put me to death. Roenel has a good heart and allowed me to run away. I ran through the Dark Forest until I came upon your home. I shouldn’t have come in when nobody was here, but I was very tired.

HENRY: Poor child!HARRY: But why did the queen order your execution?SNOW WHITE: I broke one of her laws.HENRY: That does it! Brothers, I call an emergency meeting! (The

DWARVES huddle DOWN RIGHT. After a few seconds of heated discussion, the huddle breaks up.) Can you cook?

SNOW WHITE: Yes! And I can also keep house.DWARVES: Hip-hip, hooray!HENRY: Then, Snow White, we want you to stay here for as long as

you like.SNOW WHITE: (Rushes to them.) Oh, you wonderful, darling little men!

(Kisses HENRY on the top of his head.)HENRY: (Wipes off the kiss.) Now see here! We won’t tolerate any of

that kissing stuff. That’s why women have never been permitted here.

SNOW WHITE: (Laughs.) I’m sorry, I’ll try to remember. Now, what shall I call each of you?

HENRY: I’m Henry. I’m this year’s president. And this is Harry. (HARRY bows. SNOW WHITE curtsies.) Harry’s in charge of mowing the forest lawns. This here is Hector. (HECTOR tips his hat.) Hector is the Weeding Supervisor. Herman over there plays the pipes so that the forest will have music to grow by. (HERMAN blushes.) Hiram and Horace plant all our seeds. (They bow.) We’re the unoffi cial gardeners of the Dark Forest!

SNOW WHITE: (Crosses to HORATIO.) And who is this?HENRY: Why, that’s Horatio! (HORATIO shakes SNOW WHITE’S hand

with great enthusiasm.) He doesn’t say much. Cat got his tongue!SNOW WHITE: And what do you do, Horatio? (HORATIO poses as a

scarecrow.)HENRY: Horatio’s the best scarecrow in the entire kingdom! (HORATIO

agrees.)SNOW WHITE: I’m very glad to meet all of you!HARRY: We’re very glad to meet you, Snow White!HECTOR: I’ve never talked to a woman before!HIRAM: I’m so glad you can cook!HENRY: Well, brothers, with that settled, it’s time for us to get back

to work!

For preview only


20

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

HARRY: But we haven’t eaten yet!HECTOR: That twig stew is unfi t for anyone.SNOW WHITE: (Crosses to her basket, which she left on the beds.) I

think I can solve your problem. (Holds the basket out to them.)HERMAN: What’s in there?SNOW WHITE: Sausages, cheese and chocolate cake with honey

icing!HIRAM: (Grabs the basket.) Hiram’ll take charge of this!HORACE: Let’s eat now!HENRY: We haven’t time. We must return to our work immediately!

(The DWARVES moan.)SNOW WHITE: Why don’t you take the basket with you? You can have

a picnic under the trees.HENRY: A wonderful idea, Snow White! Shall we picnic in the forest?DWARVES: Absolutely!HENRY: (The DWARVES line up in marching formation. HENRY stands

behind them to shout orders.) Be careful, Snow White. Lock the door behind us when we leave. If Queen Drunella should fi nd out that you are still alive, she’ll come looking for you herself. (To DWARVES.) Brothers, march! (To SNOW WHITE.) Remember, don’t open the door for anybody until we return. (The DWARVES march OUT.)

SNOW WHITE: (Crosses to the doorway and waves at them. She then closes and locks the door.) They’re angels! But I must remember not to kiss them. (Laughs.) Well, come along, Snow White. You’ve many things to do before the dwarves return. (Crosses to the table and clears the dishes. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

End of Scene Three

ACT ONEScene Four

LIGHTS UP: The royal hallway in the palace. The procession can be played in one of the aisles. The actors cross to the stage to play the remainder of the scene in front of a drop or curtain. DIGNIFIED PROCESSION MUSIC PLAYS. A procession is in progress. LORDS and LADIES ENTER in pairs, walking to the beat. They ALL wear masks. Following them is DOMINO, who is having a terrible time with her false nose. Bringing up the rear is DRUNELLA, barking orders like a Marine drill instructor.DRUNELLA: No! Don’t walk to the music! Lady Violet, you’re not

supposed to be on beat! Left, right, left, right! Lord Doyle, put your

For preview only

21

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

head down! Look at the fl oor! Don’t you dare smile, girls! There will be no walking with dignity! Lady Violet, you’re doing it again! That’s it! That’s it! You’ve got it. Now practice it!

DOMINO: (Rubs at her face and turns to DRUNELLA for help as the LORDS and LADIES EXIT. MUSIC OUT.) Meow? (“Can’t I take this dumb thing off?”)

DRUNELLA: Domino, pumpkin, don’t touch that nose! Mummy paid a lot of money for it, and I don’t want you to ruin it!

DOMINO: Meow?! (“Please? It hurts!”)DRUNELLA: All right! Come over here and I’ll look at it! (DOMINO

crosses to DRUNELLA.) Perhaps you’ve got it on wrong. Here let Mummy take a look! (DRUNELLA bends down to check the nose.) It looks fi ne to me, pumpkin!

DOMINO: Meow! (“I hate it!”)DRUNELLA: I’ve told you not to use that tone of voice with me! Now

leave the nose alone!DOMINO: Meeeooow!! (“You’ll be sorry!”)DRUNELLA: Stop that wailing at once, Domino, or I shall have to

punish you again!DOMINO: (Covers her whiskers.) Meow. (“Not the whiskers, please!”)DRUNELLA: (Laughs wickedly.) Now, pumpkin, Mummy would never

pull out one of your whiskers. Remember what Lady Lavender said?

DOMINO: Meow. (“I remember. I just wasn’t sure that you remembered!”)DRUNELLA: Of course you do. (Kicks DOMINO.)DOMINO: (Screams, hisses, then reaches up and scratches DRUNELLA’s

face. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) Meoooooooow!!! (“There, you old bat!”)

DRUNELLA: (Grabs her cheek.) My face! Look what you’ve done to my face!

DOMINO: Meow! (“I don’t see a thing!”)DRUNELLA: Why, it’s practically bleeding! You’ve scratched my face,

and now I’m not perfect! Get out of here! I don’t ever want to see you again!

DOMINO: Meow! (“I don’t even see a mark!”)DRUNELLA: You hear me? Scat! (DOMINO starts to leave.) Scat! You

are hereby banished from the kingdom of Drune. Now get out of my sight! (DOMINO EXITS RIGHT.) My face! What has that miserable cat done to my beautiful, beautiful face? All I’ve ever been able to offer the world is my beauty, and now that’s ruined! (Howls of laughter come from OFF LEFT. BUNDY ENTERS LEFT accompanied

For preview only

22

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

by LORD TUSSING and LADIES LAVENDER, ROSETTE, AZALEA and VIOLET. As they approach DRUNELLA, she turns away so they can’t see her scratched face.)

LADY VIOLET: (Laughs.) Prince Bundy, your adventures with Merlin the magician are hysterical!

LADY AZALEA: How were you ever able to have so many adventures?BUNDY: Practice, ladies, practice! (The GROUP howls with laughter.)LADIES: (Notice DRUNELLA.) Hello, Your Majesty. (They curtsy.) We

have fi nished practicing the processional.DRUNELLA: (Covers her cheek with a hand.) Hello, ladies. (To LORD

TUSSING.) Lord Tussing, go to the royal throne room. There, under the large cushion you’ll fi nd my hand mirror. Bring it to me at once! (LORD TUSSING starts to EXIT RIGHT.) And don’t dawdle, Lord Tussing, don’t dawdle!

LORD TUSSING: Of course, Your Majesty! (EXITS RIGHT.)LADY VIOLET: Queen Drunella, Prince Bundy has been telling us the

most amusing stories.DRUNELLA: (Paces.) Has he now?LADY AZALEA: (To BUNDY.) Tell Her Majesty about the day you found

Squire Roenel.DRUNELLA: I really don’t have time now. Perhaps later.BUNDY: Amusing little story, Drunella. You see, many years ago, when

I myself was just a lad, I went out among the common folk when—DRUNELLA: (Shrieks.) We are not amused! Prince Bundy, haven’t you

more important things to do?BUNDY: Not really.DRUNELLA: Perhaps a tour of the palace? I’m sure that Lady Iris

would be happy to give you a guided tour of the palace. Such an informed girl she is.

BUNDY: Must I? I’ve already walked two pairs of boots off just trying to keep up with her!

DRUNELLA: Why, Lady Iris is a treasure.BUNDY: Good! Let’s bury her.LADY AZALEA: May we go with you, Prince Bundy?BUNDY: If you must! (To DRUNELLA.) They can’t resist me! (The LADIES

howl with laughter as the LADIES EXIT RIGHT.)DRUNELLA: Loathsome little beast! Imagine, he has the ladies of the

palace doubled up with laughter while I, their queen, have been mortally wounded.

LORD TUSSING: (ENTERS LEFT.) Your mirror, Your Majesty!

For preview only

23

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DRUNELLA: It’s about time, Lord Tussing. I’ve never met anybody who’s so slow!

LORD TUSSING: (Bows.) I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I’ll trot next time.DRUNELLA: See that you do! (LORD TUSSING bows and EXITS LEFT.

DRUNELLA puts the ribbon around her neck and examines her cheek in the mirror.) Look at that! It’ll no doubt leave a scar! What am I to do?

MIRROR: (LIGHTS DIM. SOUND EFFECT: EERIE MUSIC PLAYS.) It’s only a scratch, Drunella. Nothing to worry about.

DRUNELLA: Oh, Mirror! Tell me that I won’t be marked for life!MIRROR: Aren’t you carrying this a bit too far?DRUNELLA: But my face! It’s the only one I have!MIRROR: Don’t worry, Drunella. In no time, you’ll regain the most

beautiful face in the land.DRUNELLA: What do you mean, “Regain the most beautiful face in

the land”? Even though that wretched cat disfi gured me, I still outshine them all!

MIRROR: Not any longer you don’t! Snow White is fairer than you!DRUNELLA: But she can’t be! She’s dead!MIRROR: Be that as it may, Drunella, Snow White lives and is far more

beautiful than you!ROENEL: (Dashes ON RIGHT. MUSIC STOPS and LIGHTS RETURN TO

NORMAL. Bows.) I have carried out your command, Your Majesty. The princess no longer lives. (Hands her a small, silver dish.) Snow White’s heart, Your Majesty.

DRUNELLA: You lie! Snow White is still very much alive! (Calls OFF RIGHT.) Guards! Guards! Arrest this man! (LORD BARRETT and LORD MARINER ENTER RIGHT. ROENEL tries to escape but is fi nally caught.)

LORD BARRETT: What shall we do with him, Your Majesty?DRUNELLA: Take him to the dungeon and lock him up! (Gives the silver

dish to LORD MARINER.) Feed him this! I’ll deal with him later! (The LORDS drag ROENEL OFF LEFT.)

ROENEL: You can’t do this! (To DRUNELLA.) You’ll be sorry for this Drunella! (He’s OUT.)

MIRROR: (LIGHTS DIM. SOUND EFFECT: EERIE MUSIC PLAYS.) That was close, Drunella. No one must ever hear us talking. We wouldn’t want them to think that I do all your thinking for you.

DRUNELLA: Where do I fi nd Snow White? I’ll do away with the little shrew myself!

For preview only


24

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

MIRROR: At the far edge of the Dark Forest the Seven Dwarves live. There you’ll fi nd the princess.

DRUNELLA: Thank you, Mirror, that’s all I needed to know! (Begins to take off the ribbon.)

MIRROR: Drunella, wait! How are you going to do it? (DRUNELLA stops and looks back to the mirror.)

DRUNELLA: You have a plan?MIRROR: The poisoned apple!DRUNELLA: Of course, the poisoned apple. The poisoned apple!

Brilliant! A stroke of genius! (Beat.) What is it?MIRROR: There is only one left, Drunella. You’ll fi nd it in a hollow tree,

directly in the center of the Dark Forest. One side sparkles blood red like a million rubies. The other side gleams like highly polished emeralds!

DRUNELLA: It sounds magnifi cent, Mirror. I long for it!MIRROR: So will Snow White. But be careful, Drunella. The green side

is fi rm, sweet and juicy. The red side, however, is fi lled with deadly poison. One bite of it, and Snow White will fall down dead!

DRUNELLA: Wonderful! Marvelous! It’s just what the doctor ordered!MIRROR: Snow White has promised the dwarves that no one will

enter their cottage while they’re away. She certainly won’t let you in. You’re not exactly girlfriends!

DRUNELLA: But I’ll never rest easy until I see her body lying dead at my feet. Perhaps a disguise might do. I still have a good many masks left!

MIRROR: A mask isn’t going to fool the princess. You’ll have to do it by magic!

DRUNELLA: Magic! But those potions always taste so sour!MIRROR: Drunella?DRUNELLA: All right, Mirror, which one should I use? The Forest Sprite,

all green and fl uffy? Perhaps the Snow Queen with a soft, radiant, ice-blue glow?

MIRROR: Neither! I remember a formula for just the right thing. You’ll need your chemicals of course!

DRUNELLA: No problem! (Calls OFF.) Chemistry set! (DUMPLING and PUDDING run ON LEFT. They bring in a table covered with a fl oor-length, fl owing tablecloth and laden with scientifi c looking objects, chemicals, beakers, mixing bowls, etc. They set down the table, curtsy and EXIT RIGHT. To the MIRROR.) Darling girls! I wish all my subjects could be like them. Perfect manners and so marvelously plain!

For preview only

25

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

MIRROR: Never mind the maids, Drunella. Just mix the chemicals exactly as I tell you.

DRUNELLA: All right, Mirror. I don’t suppose that you could add some sort of fl avoring so that it’ll go down easier?

MIRROR: If I must! (DRUNELLA places the mirror on the table and adds the chemicals as MIRROR instructs her.) Three parts detergent! One part bluing! Two drops of salad oil! One spoonful mustard! On half teaspoon of monosodium glutamate!

DRUNELLA: (Stops.) What?MIRROR: It’ll wake up the fl avor!DRUNELLA: (Smiles.) Ah!MIRROR: Now remove your wig, Drunella, and stir it in!DRUNELLA: You must be joking! Have you any idea how expensive

this wig was?MIRROR: This is no joking matter!DRUNELLA: Oh, if I must! (Removes her crown. She then removes her

wig and drops it in the mixing bowl. She is now completely bald. See PRODUCTION NOTES.)

MIRROR: Mix it quickly until it forms soft peaks.DRUNELLA: Now what?MIRROR: Drink it.DRUNELLA: (Sighs, then pours the potion into a beaker and raises it to

propose a toast.) To your health, Snow White! (Laughs and drinks the potion.)

MIRROR: There’s still some left. Drink it all down like a good girl.DRUNELLA: (Drinks.) Nothing seems to be happening. I don’t feel a

thing!MIRROR: You will. Just be patient. You know, Drune wasn’t built in a

day.DRUNELLA: What will I look like, Mirror? Blonde or brunette?MIRROR: The real you, Drunella, old and wrinkled!DRUNELLA: No, Mirror, please! I couldn’t bear to be so ugly!MIRROR: Relax, Drunella, it won’t last long! You’ll soon be your old,

fun-loving self again.DRUNELLA: But my clothes, what’s to become of them?MIRROR: They’ll become tattered like you, Drunella. You wouldn’t

expect an old peddler-hag to wear royal fi nery, would you?DRUNELLA: (Feels her hands.) It’s starting to work, Mirror. I feel as if I

were being turned inside out!MIRROR: Only a few more moments!

For preview only

26

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

DRUNELLA: (Touches her face.) My face! I can feel the wrinkles already!LADY IRIS’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) We are about to enter Her

Majesty’s hallway! Please wipe your feet!DRUNELLA: (Panic.) Someone’s coming! They mustn’t see me like

this! (Hides under the table, out of sight because of the fl oor-length tablecloth. LADY IRIS ENTERS RIGHT followed by BUNDY and a number of LORDS and LADIES. They cross DOWNSTAGE of the table, never noticing DRUNELLA.)

LADY IRIS: The hallway was the last part of the palace to be constructed. The marble fl oors were imported from Italy at great expense to Queen Anne’s grandfather. Notice the perfect color match! The next room is the music room. During the world peace meeting, Queen Drunella will entertain her guests there with her own rendition of “Chopsticks,” played on a 9th century oboe. (EXITS LEFT followed by BUNDY and the LORDS and LADIES.)

MIRROR: Drunella, they’re gone!PEDDLER-HAG: (ENTERS from behind the table. See PRODUCTION

NOTES. With a cackle.) It worked, Mirror! It worked!MIRROR: Drunella, you look radiant. I’ve never seen you look better.

Now be gone with you! That potion won’t last forever! You don’t want to change back before you’ve fi nished your job!

PEDDLER-HAG: You’re right! Now to fi nd the poisoned apple! It’s really a shame that I don’t have anything better to wear to Snow White’s “housewarming.” (Cackles.) But at least I’m bringing a gift! (EXITS RIGHT, cackling.)

DOMINO: (Beat. DOMINO ENTERS RIGHT, crosses to the table and puts on DRUNELLA’S crown.) Meooow? (“I wonder how I’d look as a queen?” Puts the ribbon around her neck and gazes into the mirror.) Meeoow! (“Drat that nose!”) (With one swift gesture, she rips the false nose off and throws it on the fl oor.)

MIRROR: You shouldn’t have done that! After all, it was a present from the queen! (Beat.) I’m warning you! If you think a kick from the Queen is bad, maybe you should see what she does to those she’s really displeased with… (DOMINO gives the mirror a raspberry. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Four

ACT ONEScene Five

LIGHTS UP: The cottage of the SEVEN DWARVES. A bouquet of fl owers rests on the table. SNOW WHITE’S touch is evident as the place is now tidier than before. SNOW WHITE sits at the table, polishing the

For preview only

27

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

water pitcher. After a few last strokes of the cloth, she holds it up to admire it.SNOW WHITE: Not a bit of tarnish left! Good girl, Snow White, I’d

say that all your years of practice are fi nally being put to good use. (Places the fl owers in the pitcher and puts it on the table as a centerpiece.) There now! Everything is ready for the dwarves to return. (Crosses to the tub, stirs it for a moment and tastes it.) Good! The broth is almost done! (SOUND EFFECT: A KNOCK at the door.)

PEDDLER-HAG’S VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Hello? Is anybody in there? (Another KNOCK.)

SNOW WHITE: (Crosses to the door.) Who is it? I’m not supposed to let anyone in!

PEDDLER-HAG’S VOICE: Only an old peddler, my dear. I wish only a dipper of water. Please open the door and let me in.

SNOW WHITE: Only an old peddler? What harm can she do?PEDDLER-HAG’S VOICE: Please let me in. I’ve walked a long way

today! I only ask for something cool to drink.SNOW WHITE: Of course! (Opens the door and helps PEDDLER-HAG

IN.) Here, sit down and rest your feet! (Helps PEDDLER-HAG, who carries a basket fi lled with wares, to the table. SNOW WHITE hands her one of the mugs from the table.) Drink this, you’ll feel better!

PEDDLER-HAG: (Drinks.) Mmmm! You are very kind, pretty one. Perhaps you have something warm for me to drink? The wind is cold, and I have many miles yet to walk!

SNOW WHITE: (Takes the mug and crosses to the tub.) I have just the thing for you. Fresh broth. It’ll keep the chill from your bones. (Brings some to the PEDDLER-HAG.)

PEDDLER-HAG: (Takes the mug and touches it to her cheek.) Its warmth feels good, pretty one. You are most generous.

SNOW WHITE: Not at all. If you wish, I can put some meat in it.PEDDLER-HAG: Oh, don’t bother. This will do me just fi ne. (Drinks the

broth.) What a kind, happy girl you are. And so beautiful! Beauty like yours is very rare!

SNOW WHITE: Thank you. Can I get you anything else?PEDDLER-HAG: Nothing, my dear. Nothing at all! I only wish that I

could do something for you!SNOW WHITE: (Sits down next to the PEDDLER-HAG.) That isn’t

necessary. Your company for a few minutes is quite enough.PEDDLER-HAG: Nonsense, sweet thing! (Holds out her basket to SNOW

WHITE.) Here! Choose something for yourself and it is yours.

For preview only


28

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

SNOW WHITE: Oh, I couldn’t do that!PEDDLER-HAG: Certainly you can, my dear. (Shows her wares.) Silks

from China? Laces from Ireland? Perhaps a beautiful Spanish comb?

SNOW WHITE: No, really. These are all far too expensive. I’ve no money!

PEDDLER-HAG: (Acts hurt.) But it’s a gift from me! I must repay you for your kindness!

SNOW WHITE: I really don’t think—PEDDLER-HAG: (Holds up the poisoned apple. See PRODUCTION

NOTES.) Look at this, my sweet! The most beautiful apple ever created! Wouldn’t you like it?

SNOW WHITE: It’s beautiful. I’d love to have it… but I can’t!PEDDLER-HAG: Take it! I want to see you eat it!SNOW WHITE: I mustn’t! (Stands.) I wasn’t supposed to let anyone

in. The dwarves will be very angry with me. Perhaps you should be going.

PEDDLER-HAG: You shouldn’t be afraid of me, my dear. I mean you no harm. (Holds up the apple again.) Isn’t it lovely? Almost as lovely as you are! Wouldn’t you like a taste of it?

SNOW WHITE: Well, perhaps just a small taste.PEDDLER-HAG: As you wish, my dear. As you wish! (Produces a knife

and cuts the apple in two.) I will eat part of it myself.SNOW WHITE: All right.PEDDLER-HAG: You must take the red side. See how it sparkles?

(Hands it to SNOW WHITE.) I will eat the green side myself.SNOW WHITE: Maybe I should save it for after supper.PEDDLER-HAG: (A little too hurt.) If you wish. I just wanted the pleasure

of seeing you enjoy it.SNOW WHITE: (Laughs.) All right. If it will bring you pleasure, I’ll eat

it now.PEDDLER-HAG: (With a cackle.) I’ll eat my half at the same time you

eat yours. That way we can enjoy it together! (SNOW WHITE smiles.) Are you ready, my sweet? (SNOW WHITE nods.) Then one, two, three! (They both take a bite. As soon as SNOW WHITE touches her half to her lips, she lets out a moan.)

PEDDLER-HAG: (Innocent.) Is something wrong, my dear?SNOW WHITE: I don’t know… I feel so… (Falls to the fl oor.)PEDDLER-HAG: (Shrieks happily.) It’s done! It’s done! And no one

can stop it! (Feels for SNOW WHITE’S pulse, then lets out another

For preview only

29

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

gale of laughter.) Now we’ll see who’s the fairest in the land! Ha! (SOUND EFFECT: The MARCHING OF FEET from OFF UP RIGHT. The PEDDLER-HAG looks up and panics.)

HENRY’S VOICE: (From OFF UP RIGHT.) Brothers, halt! We are again safely home!

DWARVES’ VOICES: Hip-hip, hooray!PEDDLER-HAG: It’s the dwarves. They mustn’t see me! (Hands to

face.) Oh no! The potion is wearing off. Not now! This isn’t fair! Not fair at all!

HENRY’S VOICE: Snow White, let us in. We’re home for the evening!PEDDLER-HAG: (Imitates SNOW WHITE’S voice.) Come back later. The

broth isn’t ready yet!HENRY’S VOICE: Snow White, let us in now! We haven’t time for

games!PEDDLER-HAG: (Stalls.) Coming! I’ll be there in a few seconds. (To

herself.) Hide! I’ve got to hide! (Touches her face.) Don’t wear off yet, potion! This really isn’t the time or the place! (Runs to the beds and hides behind them.)

HENRY’S VOICE: Open the door now, Snow White! (No answer.) Snow White? (Still no answer.) Brothers, something’s wrong! Break down the door! (SOUND EFFECT: A CRASH. The door fl ies open. The DWARVES rush IN and look about.)

HARRY: Snow White?HECTOR: Where is she?HERMAN: (Notices SNOW WHITE on the fl oor.) Brothers, look! (The

DWARVES rush to SNOW WHITE.)HIRAM: Snow White!HORACE: Is she dead?HENRY: Stand back!HARRY: Give her air!HECTOR: What are we going to do? (The PEDDLER-HAG looks up over

the beds, smiles, then disappears again.)HERMAN: (Notices the apple.) What’s this?HIRAM: Somebody’s been here!HORACE: Poor Snow White! Who could have done this to her?

(DRUNELLA comes out from behind the beds, bald again. She makes a dash for the door.)

HENRY: Brothers, look! The queen!HARRY: Stop her! (Some of the DWARVES stay with SNOW WHITE.

OTHERS rush for the door, but DRUNELLA runs OFF RIGHT, laughing.)

For preview only

30

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

HECTOR: The queen did this to our Snow White!HERMAN: The queen poisoned her!HIRAM: We’re sorry, Snow White! We should have never left you alone!

(DWARVES start to weep.)HORACE: What should we do with her, Henry?HARRY: I can’t bear for us to bury her in the dark ground. She’s still

so pretty!HENRY: (With as much strength as he can muster.) Brothers! Tomorrow

we will lay her to rest in the forest near a meadow of fl owers. That way she’ll always be surrounded by beauty!

DWARVES: Yes, Henry.HENRY: (To SNOW WHITE.) One of us will watch over you, every day.

That way, nothing will ever harm you again! (Starts to cry.) We love you, Snow White!

DWARVES: (Through their tears.) We love you, Snow White! (LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

End of ACT ONE

ACT TWOScene ONE

LIGHTS UP: The throne room. LADIES VIOLET and AZALEA ENTER RIGHT. LADY LAVENDER and LORD DOYLE ENTER LEFT. ALL wearing masks, VIOLET and AZALEA curtsy to them, and they warily nod their approval. They cross past each other and ALL EXIT to opposite sides. After a beat, ROENEL sneaks IN RIGHT, not wearing a mask. He checks both directions to make sure nobody sees him. He hears LADY ROSETTE laughing OFF LEFT and quickly hides behind the throne.LADY ROSETTE: (ENTERS LEFT on the arm of LORD BARRETT, both

wearing masks.) Imagine! She wants to wear my clothing!LORD BARRETT: Lady Lavender and Lord Doyle were paid handsomely

for theirs!LADY ROSETTE: You’re right. We can get rid of these awful rags, and

it’s for a very good cause!LORD BARRETT: Yes, who knew that so many would want to help

us get rid of Drunella! (They EXIT RIGHT. ROENEL comes out from behind the throne and motions OFF LEFT. DOMINO ENTERS LEFT. She wears DRUNELLA’S crown on her head and her mirror around her neck with the ribbon. In her paws, she carries an enormous ring of keys.)

ROENEL: Are you sure that nobody saw us?DOMINO: Meow! (“Absolutely!”)

For preview only

31

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

ROENEL: For your sake, I hope not!DOMINO: Meow? (“Why?”)ROENEL: Because the queen would be very angry if she knew that you

set me loose.DOMINO: Meeeeeeeeeeeeooooow!!! (“I hate her!”)ROENEL: Believe me, Domino, I feel the same way. Now tell me again

exactly what she did! (Meowing while she illustrates her story, DOMINO goes through an elaborate and melodramatic imitation of DRUNELLA, mixing the chemicals, adding her wig, drinking down the potion and fi nally turning into the PEDDLER-HAG.) And then she left the palace?

DOMINO: Meow! (“Yes!”)ROENEL: (Paces.) She’s up to no good! Any idea where she went?DOMINO: Meow, meow! (“She went after Snow White!”)ROENEL: Snow White? But what about Snow White? (Again DOMINO

illustrates the PEDDLER-HAG handing SNOW WHITE the apple, SNOW WHITE eating it and SNOW WHITE falling down dead.) Oh, no! This can’t be! How do you know all this? Can it be true?

DOMINO: (Points to the mirror.) Meow. Meow. (“I saw it all in the mirror.”)ROENEL: Yes, the mirror. Of course! The rumors of that magic mirror

must be true! Don’t worry, Domino. I’ll save Snow White if it’s the last thing I do! Do you know where Bundy is?

DOMINO: Meow. (“No.”)ROENEL: You hide those keys! You mustn’t be found holding them!

(Crosses RIGHT.) I’m going to fi nd Bundy! (EXITS RIGHT.)DOMINO: (Crosses to the throne and puts the keys behind it. She sits

on the throne and looks into the mirror admiringly. Licking her refl ection in the mirror.) Meow, meow! (“Hello, gorgeous!”)

MIRROR: (LIGHTS DIM. SOUND EFFECT: EERIE MUSIC IN.) Don’t do that! You’re getting me all wet!

DOMINO: Meow? (“What?”)MIRROR: I said don’t do that! Don’t you ever obey orders?DOMINO: Meow. (“Hardly ever.”)MIRROR: You’ve been a very bad cat, Domino! I thought the queen

had banished you.DOMINO: Meow!! (“She’s a witch!”)MIRROR: Temper, temper! And you really shouldn’t have let Roenel

out of the dungeon! The queen won’t like that one bit!DOMINO: Meow! (“I don’t care.”)

For preview only


32

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

MIRROR: You know, Domino, I’m going to have to tell her! Don’t you think that the queen would want to know?

DOMINO: Meow! (“Not really!”)MIRROR: I can hardly wait to see how she punishes you this time!DOMINO: Meeeowww! (“She’ll have to catch me fi rst!” ROENEL and

BUNDY ENTER RIGHT. LIGHTS BACK TO NORMAL. DOMINO takes off the crown and leaves it on the throne. She places the mirror under the cushion.)

ROENEL: The time is right, Bundy! We must soon give up the charade.BUNDY: What a shame! I’ve rather enjoyed being a prince.ROENEL: You understand what Father has suggested?BUNDY: I believe so, Your Highness!ROENEL: Then I must fi nd Snow White before the queen does! (Points

to DOMINO.) If you need any help, Domino here is a noble cat!BUNDY: Things are well in hand, Prince Roenel!ROENEL: Good! Don’t worry, Domino. I’ll bring Snow White back safely!

(EXITS RIGHT.)BUNDY: So, you’re a noble cat, are you?DOMINO: Meow! (“You got that right!”)BUNDY: Then perhaps you could steal some pastries from the kitchen.

I haven’t eaten in hours.DOMINO: Meow! (“I’d rather steal a mouse!”)BUNDY: (Crosses to the throne.) Imagine, puss, what it would be like

to sit on the throne and eat a blueberry tart at the same time. (Sits on DRUNELLA’S crown and jumps up immediately.) Ouch! Here now! That isn’t a very nice place for a crown! (Places the crown on his head.) This is a much better place to keep it! Agreed?

DOMINO: Meow! (“Agreed!”)BUNDY: How do I look? Am I ready to have my portrait painted?DOMINO: Meow. (“Not really.”)BUNDY: Perhaps I’d look better, sitting on the throne. (Plops himself

down on the throne. SOUND EFFECT: GLASS SHATTERS. BUNDY jumps up, reaches under the cushion and pulls out the mirror. It’s broken and unusable. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) Strange place to keep a hand mirror. Oh well, seven years bad luck! (DOMINO runs to BUNDY and gives him a loud, wet kiss! Beat. BUNDY turns to DOMINO and looks directly into her eyes.) Puss, did anyone ever tell you that you have a really bad case of mouse breath? (BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene One

For preview only

33

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

ACT TWOScene Two

LIGHTS FADE UP LOW: Deep in the Dark Forest. SNOW WHITE lies CENTER. HENRY kneels at her feet and weeps. The OTHER DWARVES ENTER slowly. Each carries a handful of fl owers, except HORATIO. They each approach HENRY, say their line, then take their place around her.HARRY: We’ve each brought fl owers, Henry. None of them are as

lovely as Snow White, but we’ve brought them!HENRY: They’re beautiful, brothers!HECTOR: Mine are cornfl owers. Do you think that Snow White would

have liked them?HENRY: Of course, Hector, of course!HERMAN: Mine are red roses! They reminded me of the blush in Snow

White’s cheeks.HIRAM: Hiram brought daisies. Their petals are as soft and white as

Snow White’s skin.HORACE: (To HORATIO.) These are for you to hold, Horatio! (Hands the

fl owers to HORATIO.) It’s heather! (HORATIO nods.)HENRY: Snow White? These fl owers are for you! (Weeps.)HARRY: May I stand watch tonight, Henry? I just want to be near her.HECTOR: I’ll stay, Henry.HERMAN: And I! (They ALL begin to weep.)HIRAM: Hiram would like to stay here also.HORACE: And Horace!HENRY: We’ll all stay here this evening. We’re keeping guard over you,

Snow White.ROENEL’S VOICE: (From OFF RIGHT.) Snow White? Snow White! Where

are you?HECTOR: (Panic.) Someone comes!HECTOR: Is it the queen?ROENEL’S VOICE: (Closer.) Snow White? Snow White!HENRY: It’s a man’s voice!HERMAN: Maybe the queen sent him!HIRAM: Hiram’s afraid!HORACE: What are we going to do?ROENEL’S VOICE: (Even closer.) Snow White! I must fi nd you!HENRY: Quickly, brothers, we mustn’t let him see her! (DWARVES

stand so that SNOW WHITE is behind them.)

For preview only


34

ROENEL: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Snow White? (Stops and bows to DWARVES.) Excuse me, gentlemen! I am looking for Princess Snow White. Have you seen her?

HENRY: Who are you?ROENEL: My name’s Roenel, and it’s of great importance that I fi nd

her!HARRY: Squire Roenel? (ROENEL nods.)HENRY: (To OTHERS.) She talked of Squire Roenel!HECTOR: She said that he had a good heart!ROENEL: Do you know where I can fi nd Snow White? I must see her

immediately!HENRY: I’m afraid that you’re too late. (To DWARVES.) Brothers, step

aside! (DWARVES move so that ROENEL can see SNOW WHITE.)ROENEL: (Rushes to her.) Snow White!HARRY: We were away in the forest!HECTOR: Attending to our work!HERMAN: We told her to lock the door!HIRAM: Not to let anybody in!HENRY: We’re sorry!ROENEL: (Kneels.) Snow White. Beautiful Snow White! I haven’t been

able to think of anyone else since I met you! (Begins to cry.) I should have taken you to the kingdom of Clarutza! The queen would have never found you there.

HENRY: (Comforts ROENEL.) It’s not your fault. The queen used magic! She would have found Snow White wherever she was.

ROENEL: (Stands.) I must take Snow White back with me! There on a hillside overlooking my kingdom, I will bury her.

HARRY: Please don’t take her away from us.HECTOR: We’ll take good care of her.HERMAN: We promise!HIRAM: Don’t bury her in the dark ground.HORACE: We couldn’t bear it! (HORATIO falls to his knees pleading in

front of ROENEL.)ROENEL: All right. She’ll remain here with all of you.HENRY: Thank you, good squire. You do indeed have a good heart.HARRY: Come as often as you wish.HECTOR: We’ll always be your friends.ROENEL: I must return to the palace. The lords and ladies will mourn

when they hear of the death of their princess.

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

For preview only

35

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

HERMAN: Watch out for the queen!ROENEL: The queen will receive the punishment she deserves! I

promise you that!HIRAM: Go with our blessings, Roenel! You are truly a fi ne man!

(HENRY starts to shake ROENEL’S hand when suddenly SNOW WHITE coughs.)

HORACE: (Turns to her.) Snow White? (Again she coughs. She sits up and removes a bit of apple from her lips.)

HENRY: (Rushes to her.) Snow White! (To DWARVES.) Snow White lives!DWARVES: Hip-hip, hooray! (HORATIO does a cartwheel.)SNOW WHITE: Where am I? (Looks at the bit of apple.) What’s this? A

piece of apple?ROENEL: Snow White, are you all right?SNOW WHITE: Roenel? (He nods.) Oh, Roenel! (Throws her arms

around him.)HENRY: The queen tried to poison you!SNOW WHITE: The queen?HARRY: But she didn’t succeed!DWARVES: Hip-hip, hooray!!HENRY: Snow White? Would you kiss me? (ROENEL helps her to her

feet.)SNOW WHITE: (Laughs.) I thought that you wouldn’t tolerate any of

that kissing stuff? (Kisses HENRY on the top of his head.)DWARVES: (Run to be the next in line. Ad libs.) Me too! I’m next! I’ve

never been kissed before! Hiram wants one too!SNOW WHITE: (Kisses each DWARF.) Now have I kissed everyone?

(Looks at ROENEL.)ROENEL: Marry me, Snow White!SNOW WHITE: Roenel… I can’t!HENRY: What?SNOW WHITE: Before my father went off to battle, he made me

promise that I would marry a man of royal blood!ROENEL: (Laughs.) And marry a man of royal blood, you shall! Come,

Snow White, we must return to the palace at once!HENRY: We’ll come with you!HARRY: The queen isn’t going to be happy to see either of you!HIRAM: Hiram says that we should pay the queen a visit!HENRY: Are we agreed, brothers?DWARVES: Absolutely!

For preview only

36

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

ROENEL: Then come with us! We will be the second surprise awaiting the queen! (DWARVES cheer as the LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

End of Scene Two

ACT TWOScene Three

LIGHTS UP: The throne room. DRUNELLA’S crown sits on the bench, the shattered “magic” mirror is hidden under the throne cushion.All is in readiness for the peace meetings to begin. The VISITING ROYALS are ALL disguised in the masks and costumes of the corresponding LORDS and LADIES. (See PRODUCTION NOTES.)QUEEN ROSAMUND, DUCHESS CARMINA, KING CRAFT and KING GREENFIELD are in disguise ONSTAGE. DUMPLING and PUDDING, wearing masks, pass among the CROWD, handing out refreshments from silver trays.DUMPLING: How happy everyone is!PUDDING: Has Queen Drunella returned?DUMPLING: Not yet!PUDDING: Then that explains why everyone’s so happy! (They curtsy

to each other. LADY IRIS ENTERS RIGHT, wearing a mask, followed by BUNDY, PREMIERE OSCARMAN, PRINCE FAIRWAY, KING PENN, QUEEN DIVA and DUCHESS OF SOUTHERN FORESTIA, also ALL disguised as the LORDS and LADIES. BUNDY, still wearing the crown of a prince, does not wear a mask.)

LADY IRIS: As we pass through the antique draperies, we enter Queen Drunella’s throne room. The architecture dates back to the year 1127. (Turns to those taking the tour.) That concludes our tour for today. Tomorrow morning, starting at nine o’clock promptly, I shall resume the tour of the great tower, servants’ bedchambers and the queen’s game room! Please feel free to return to any of the rooms you wish to see in more detail. Are there any questions? Then thank you for being a most courteous group. (Curtsies and EXITS RIGHT. The VISITING ROYALS mix. There is great laughter and merriment.)

BUNDY: (Steps forward.) The queen will be arriving any minute now! Is everyone prepared?

KING GREENFIELD: Everyone knows what to do, Bundy! Don’t worry!BUNDY: (Bows.) Of course, Your Highness! Still, perhaps I should

check the roll one more time, just to ensure that all the foreign dignitaries remember their assigned roles as lords and ladies.

KING GREENFIELD: If you must, Bundy.

For preview only

37

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

BUNDY: (As he calls out the LORDS’ and LADIES’ names, the VISITING ROYALS in disguise signal their attendance by either nodding or stepping forward from the OTHERS.) Lord Doyle? Of course, you’re here. I was just talking to you! Lord Bauske? Lord Mariner? Lord Tussing? Lord Barrett? Lady Lavender? Lady Rosette? Lady Violet? Lady Azalea? (To KING GREENFIELD.) It appears that everyone is here!

KING GREENFIELD: Good, Bundy! Now why don’t you fi nd some quiet place to await Roenel.

BUNDY: Of course, Your Grace! (Bows and EXITS LEFT.)LADY IRIS: (ENTERS RIGHT quickly.) The queen’s coming! I saw the

signal lantern from the tower. She’ll be here any moment! (Rushes OUT RIGHT again.)

QUEEN ROSAMUND: I believe we should bow when she enters.DUCHESS OF SOUTHERN FORESTIA: It is the custom in Drune! As

undignifi ed as that will be, it might give away our ruse if we don’t.KING GREENFIELD: Then by all means, we should greet the queen

according to custom!LADY IRIS: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Make way for Queen Drunella, ruler of

the kingdom of Drune and local needlework expert! Make way I say for the queen! (DRUNELLA sweeps IN RIGHT, like a movie star. She crosses quickly to her throne and sits. DRUNELLA is obviously in a very good mood after her encounter with SNOW WHITE. She is also still bald.)

DRUNELLA: Good morning, court!VISITING ROYALS: (Bow.) Good morning, Your Majesty!DRUNELLA: I trust that all of you will be on your good behavior today!

My guests will be arriving shortly and I don’t want any slip-ups! (Notices that the COURT is still bowing.) You may rise. (As the VISITING ROYALS rise, DUMPLING and PUDDING EXIT LEFT with their trays.)

DUCHESS CARMINA: (Starts to laugh.) Your Majesty! What’s happened to your hair?

DRUNELLA: (Feels her head.) My hair?VISITING ROYALS: (Ad lib with much laughter.) Yes, your hair! Queen

Drunella’s bald! She’s bald! Whatever happened to your hair? (The laughter gets very loud.)

DRUNELLA: Silence! (The laughter subsides.)PRINCE FAIRWAY: But, Your Majesty, you look so… funny!DRUNELLA: How dare you?! How dare any of you laugh at me! I am the

queen! (Takes her crown from the bench and plops it on her head.)

For preview only


38

PREMIERE OSCARMAN: We’re sorry, Your Majesty! You just look so ridiculous! (The laughter starts again.)

DRUNELLA: We’ll see who looks ridiculous! Lord Bauske, I command you to—

PUDDING: (Runs IN LEFT.) Queen Drunella! Queen Drunella!DUMPLING: (Following PUDDING.) Your guests are arriving. Shall we

have them wait?DRUNELLA: Show them in! (PUDDING and DUMPLING curtsy and EXIT

RIGHT quickly.) Lord Bauske, I’ll deal with you later! (To VISITING ROYALS.) The ruling families of the world are arriving. I will not be laughed at in their presence! Is that understood?

VISITING ROYALS: Yes, Your Majesty!DRUNELLA: Good! Now please arrange yourselves around the throne

room in artistic groupings. I don’t want these kings and things to be distracted from my beauty! (Laughter.) Quiet! I don’t know what’s come over the lot of you in my absence, but it will not be tolerated! Now move! (They arrange themselves in groups of two and three.) And for your own sakes, keep those masks on! (PUDDING and DUMPLING ENTER RIGHT, curtsy and stand on both sides of the ENTRANCE.)

DUMPLING: The fi rst of your royal guests!DRUNELLA: (Leaves her throne and crosses to the RIGHT ENTRANCE,

arms out-stretched, as if to meet an old friend.) Welcome! Welcome to my humble abode! Actually you’re one of the fi rst to arrive, but that’ll give us more time to gab among ourselves. Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

SNOW WHITE: (ENTERS RIGHT holding hands with ROENEL.) Why, Drunella, how good it is to see you again!

DRUNELLA: Snow White! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be dead!

SNOW WHITE: You must be mistaken, dear Stepmother! I’m very much alive! (The VISITING ROYALS start to laugh again.)

DRUNELLA: But you can’t be! I poisoned you myself! (Laughter stops abruptly.)

SNOW WHITE: I don’t know what you’re talking about!DRUNELLA: I saw you lying dead, right at my feet! (To ROENEL.) And

you! What are you doing here? I had you locked up in the dungeon!ROENEL: I’ve come to ask you for your stepdaughter’s hand in

marriage.DRUNELLA: Impossible! You’re a commoner! The nerve! The

unmitigated nerve! Now both of you must leave this room at once.

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

For preview only

39

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

The royal guests will be here any moment now, and I’ll never be able to bewitch them into letting me rule their kingdoms as long as they can see the two of you!

ROENEL: But, Your Majesty! I wish to marry Snow White!DRUNELLA: Are you going to start that again? (Crosses to KING PENN.)

Lord Tussing, lock Snow White and the squire up in my sitting room! I will attend to their punishments as soon as I rule the world! (Nobody moves.) Lord Tussing, did you hear me?

KING PENN: Yes, Your Majesty!DRUNELLA: Then lock them up!KING PENN: No, Your Majesty!DRUNELLA: How dare you! Who will do as I command? (Again, NOBODY

moves.) Lord Doyle? (KING GREENFIELD shakes his head “no.”) Lord Barrett, certainly you will obey me!

KING CRAFT: I’m afraid not!DRUNELLA: (Runs about, frantically.) Lord Mariner? (PRINCE FAIRWAY

turns his back on DRUNELLA.) This is treason! I’ll have your heads for this!

KING GREENFIELD: (Steps forward.) I think not, Drunella!DRUNELLA: How dare you call me by my fi rst name! Just who do

you think you are? (The VISITING ROYALS remove their masks. Of course, none of them is who DRUNELLA had thought, and she reacts as such.)

ROENEL: (Crossing to KING GREENFIELD and embracing him.) Father!DRUNELLA: (Shocked.) King Greenfi eld! (Looks around.) Queen Diva!

Premier Oscarman! (Bows to them.) What are all of you doing here?QUEEN DIVA: Observing you in secret, Drunella!PRINCE FAIRWAY: And we don’t like what we’ve seen!DRUNELLA: But you’re all early! The peace meetings aren’t scheduled

to start for another fi ve hours. (Tries to escape LEFT.)KING GREENFIELD: Stay where you are, Drunella!PREMIER OSCARMAN: You’re not going anywhere! (Just as DRUNELLA

is about to leave, BUNDY ENTERS LEFT and accidentally knocks her to the fl oor.)

BUNDY: Pardon me, old girl! (Realizes it’s DRUNELLA.) Oh, Drunella! Sorry about that. Here, let me help you up! (He does.) You know, somehow you look different. Ah! It’s your hair! You’re wearing it differently, aren’t you?

DRUNELLA: (Pushes BUNDY aside.) Get out of my way, you oaf! (Just as DRUNELLA is about to EXIT LEFT, DOMINO ENTERS, blocking the doorway.)

For preview only

40

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

DOMINO: (With a ferocious growl.) Meeeeeeowwwwww! (“This is it, Mummy. The jig is up!”)

DRUNELLA: Domino, move out of Mummy’s way!DOMINO: Meeeowwww! (“Ha! Don’t give me that ‘Mummy’ business!”)ROENEL: She’ll scratch you, Drunella, if you try to leave!DRUNELLA: (Turns to ROENEL.) This is all your doing! Imagine a squire

trying to get the best of a queen! Well, you’ll be sorry! (To ALL.) You’ll all be sorry! Mirror! I must get my mirror! (She runs to the throne, removes the broken pieces from under the cushion and lets out a shriek of terror.)

BUNDY: Sorry about that, Drunella! Little accident I had! (DRUNELLA makes a mad dash for the RIGHT EXIT. KING GREENFIELD starts to go after her, but ROENEL stops him. DRUNELLA is pushed back IN by the SEVEN DWARVES, who now stand behind her.)

HENRY: (Pushes DRUNELLA to her knees.) Bow in the presence of royalty, Drunella!

ROENEL: Bow! Permit me to introduce to you the leaders of the world, Drunella! Queen Rosamund of Tira!

QUEEN ROSAMUND: (Crosses to DRUNELLA.) Hello, Drunella! My, but you look tired! Haven’t you been getting your beauty sleep?

ROENEL: Grand Duchess Carmina of Iberia!DUCHESS CARMINA: (Crosses to DRUNELLA.) Such a lovely palace!

How old were you when it was built?ROENEL: Premier Oscarman of Hesse! (PREMIER OSCARMAN clicks

his heels together.) Prince Fairway of Golfe!PRINCE FAIRWAY: What’s new, Drunella?ROENEL: King Penn of Sylvania! (KING PENN bows quickly.) King Craft

of Lower Halle!KING CRAFT: (Kisses DRUNELLA’S hand.) She’s beautiful! Simply,

beautiful! (DRUNELLA looks up at him.) Not you, Drunella. Snow White!

ROENEL: Queen Diva of Metropole! (QUEEN DIVA crosses her arms and nods.) The Duchess of Southern Forestia!

DUCHESS OF SOUTHERN FORESTIA: So you planned to rule our kingdoms, did you?

DRUNELLA: But how? What? Have you used magic? Where are my lords and ladies?

ROENEL: No, Drunella, not magic. Honest people don’t need magic. It’s very simple. Your lords and ladies sold their clothing to the royalty assembled here. They are now buying new clothes for themselves and beautiful tapestries for the palace. It was really

For preview only

41

1

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

rather simple to fool you because of your vanity. And now for your punishment!

DRUNELLA: Compassion! Please show some compassion!PREMIERE OSCARMAN: How much compassion have you shown

your subjects, Drunella? You’ve allowed your evil ways to rule the kingdom for far too long!

SNOW WHITE: You’ve made our people hide their faces!ROENEL: You’ve outlawed beauty!HENRY: You’ve forbidden plants and fl owers to grow!KING GREENFIELD: You’ve even refused Snow White’s hand in

marriage to Roenel!DRUNELLA: It was for her own good! Snow White has been raised

with the best of everything! She could never fi nd happiness with a squire!

KING GREENFIELD: Permit me to introduce my son, Drunella!DRUNELLA: (Points to BUNDY.) I’ve already met Table 14!KING GREENFIELD: Not Bundy, Drunella! Bundy’s only a squire in my

kingdom. I want you to meet my son, Prince Roenel!DRUNELLA: (Shocked.) Roenel?SNOW WHITE: (Throws her arms around him.) Roenel!KING GREENFIELD: Our decision is made, Drunella. You are hereby

banished from all of the kingdoms of the world! You must leave Drune at once! (Broken, DRUNELLA starts to leave.)

BUNDY: (Crosses to her.) Oh, Drunella! You won’t be needing this! (Removes the crown from her head. DRUNELLA EXITS RIGHT, her dreams shattered.)

KING GREENFIELD: Snow White? Will you serve the people of Drune as a fair queen? You obviously have a heart unlike Drunella’s, for you treated my son with respect well before you knew he was of royal blood.

SNOW WHITE: I would be honored to restore beauty to this kingdom, (Looks at Roenel.) especially if Roenel will serve as my king.

ROENEL: Of course.KING GREENFIELD: (Places the crown on SNOW WHITE’S head.) Then

I hereby crown you Queen Snow White… (Removes the crown from BUNDY’S head and places it on ROENEL.) …and King Roenel of the kingdom of Drune! Have you anything to say, my children?

SNOW WHITE: During my stay in the Dark Forest, I became acquainted with seven of the nicest, most generous people I have ever met. Because of their kindness to me, I hereby appoint the Seven

For preview only


42

Dwarves as offi cial gardeners for this kingdom. (Crosses to the DWARVES.) You must all come and stay with me. We’ve plenty of room and you’ll never be in need of food again!

DWARVES: Hooray!KING GREENFIELD: Roenel, take good care of Snow White!ROENEL: Of course, Father!KING GREENFIELD: Then by the powers invested in me, by this royal

delegation, I pray that the beautiful kingdom of Drune lives on happily ever after! (There is a great cheer from the GROUP. ROENEL kisses SNOW WHITE. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.)

END OF PLAY

1

5

10

For preview only

43

PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIES ONSTAGE

ACT ONEScene One: The Throne Room—an elaborate velvet and gilt throne

with a seat cushion under a richly decorated canopy, small bench, “magic” hand mirror with ribbon.

Scene Three: The Dwarves’ Cottage—seven small beds, table, seven stools, small washtub, water pitcher, seven mugs, seven spoons, seven bowls, button bowl, large spoon.

Scene Five: The Dwarves’ Cottage. Bouquet of fl owers.

ACT TWOScene One: The Throne Room. Shattered “magic” mirror.Scene Three: The Throne Room. Crown, shattered “magic” mirror.

PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON

ACT ONEScene One:

Purple carpet, baskets of weeds and dead fl owers, packages with masks and a long nose (DUMPLING, PUDDING)

Candelabra, basket of candles (DUMPLING)Dishrag (SNOW WHITE)

Scene Two:Bow and arrows (ROENEL)Covered food basket with bread (SNOW WHITE)

Scene Three:Covered food basket (SNOW WHITE)Thread, two removable buttons (HARRY)Clover, two removable buttons (HECTOR)Fish hook (HERMAN)Green paper, red paper (HIRAM)Chocolate bar (HORACE)Pine cone (HENRY)Rope, four removable buttons (HORATIO)

Scene Four:“Magic” hand mirror (LORD TUSSING)Small silver dish (ROENEL)Table covered with a large cloth and laden with chemicals, beakers

and mixing bowls (DUMPLING, PUDDING)

For preview only

44

Scene Five:Polishing cloth (SNOW WHITE)Basket with silks, laces, comb, knife and apple (PEDDLER-HAG)

ACT TWOScene One:

Crown, magic mirror, enormous ring of keys (DOMINO)Scene Two:

Cornfl owers (HECTOR)Red roses (HERMAN)Daisies (HIRAM)Heather (HORACE)Other fl owers (OTHER DWARVES)Bit of poisoned apple (SNOW WHITE)

Scene Two:Silver trays with refreshments (DUMPLING, PUDDING)

NOTES ABOUT PROPERTIESThe purple carpet that DUMPLING and PUDDING roll out should be “pre-ripped.” The piece that PUDDING rips off can be attached by Velcro for easy removal.A real apple can be used for the poisoned apple. Just cut one green apple and one red apple in half, join them with toothpicks and… magic!An identical looking second hand mirror, preset beneath the throne, can be used for the shattered one.

SOUND EFFECTSEerie “magic mirror” music, dignifi ed procession music, knocking, marching of feet, door crashing open, glass shattering.

COSTUME SUGGESTIONSDUMPLING and PUDDING wear plain dresses with aprons.

SNOW WHITE wears a fl attering, but simple dress. While she is a beautiful princess, the law requires that her attire be muted.

QUEEN DRUNELLA’S attire is the only fl ashy dress. It is beautiful and dark. She always wears an exquisite crown. She might wear a long and shimmering cape. She wears a bald cap under a wig. (See ADDITIONAL NOTES on the transformation.)

PEDDLER-HAG is dressed in tattered rags with long, scraggly hair.

For preview only

45

ROENEL wears a nice, but understated tunic and perhaps a pointed hat. For Scene Two, he may also wear a quiver over his shoulder to hold his arrows. He never wears a mask.

BUNDY dresses like a prince, complete with a crown. He also never wears a mask.

The cat costume for DOMINO should be black with white spots. Her snout and whiskers might work best as makeup, as she wears a false nose for much of the show.

The DWARVES should wear working clothes and work boots. It may be an effective visual if you can match their shirt patterns, but vary the colors. HARRY’S, HECTOR’S and HORATIO’S costumes should have buttons that are easily removed for the button fi nes. HORATIO should wear a bright orange diaper under his costume, and his pants should be made large in the waist so that when he pulls his last two buttons off, the pants fall, revealing the diaper.

The LORDS and LADIES of Drune wear period tunics and dresses. Their attire is that of servants and should be simple and muted. They wear masks for much of the play.

The VISITING ROYALS are in disguise as the LORDS and LADIES and thus should wear the same costume and masks as their corresponding lord or lady:

QUEEN ROSAMUND OF TIRA: LADY LAVENDERGRAND DUCHESS CARMINA OF IBERIA: LADY ROSETTEPREMIERE OSCARMAN OF HESSE: LORD BAUSKEPRINCE FAIRWAY OF GOLFE: LORD MARINERKING PENN OF SYLVANIA: LORD TUSSINGKING CRAFT OF LOWER HALLE: LORD BARRETTKING GREENFIELD OF CLARUTZA: LORD DOYLEQUEEN DIVA OF METROPOLE: LADY VIOLETDUCHESS OF SOUTHERN FORESTIA: LADY AZALEA

FLEXIBLE CASTINGThe MIRROR is played by a male or female actor providing the voiceover from OFFSTAGE. This part can be easily doubled.

Since the VISITING ROYALS are disguised as the LORDS and LADIES, these parts also could be doubled easily. Doubling may require some makeup changes, but since the LORDS and LADIES are ordered to wear masks for much of the play, there is plenty of time for a change in makeup.

For preview only

ADDITIONAL NOTESThe masks can be as simple as basic masquerade party masks that cover only the eyes or as elaborate as your resources allow. The important things are to make sure that the masks stay on comfortably and reliably since they are worn for much of the play and that they do not block the mouth or prevent clear delivery of an actor’s lines.

The moment when Domino scratches Queen Drunella’s face can be played a couple of different ways. There could be no marks at all and Drunella simply goes overboard with her complaints. Another way is that the marks could “magically” appear on Drunella’s face so they are visible to the audience. To make the marks appear, Drunella can simply apply a few quick strokes of makeup to her cheek as she reacts to Domino.

Queen Drunella wears a bald cap, obtainable from a theatrical makeup supply house, beneath a wig. The queen’s wig cannot be fastened with pins or spirit gum, because it must be removed in view of the audience.

The transformation from QUEEN DRUNELLA to PEDDLER-HAG and vice-versa is a simple switch since they are played by two separate actresses. The fi rst transformation takes place in the royal hallway. If this scene can be staged in front of a curtain, the actresses can switch behind the covered table through a split in the curtain. If the stage does not have a curtain, the table and cloth should be made large enough to accommodate the switch. In the dwarves’ cottage, the switch is made behind the beds. This can be accomplished by a passage in the upstage wall behind the beds or by simply making the beds large enough for the actresses to hide behind for the duration of the scene.

The meanings of DOMINO’S meows are noted in parentheses. This is intended only to help the actress playing the cat to understand how to present her “lines.”

46

For preview only

Thank you for reading this E-view. This E-view script from Pioneer Drama Service will stay permanently in your Pioneer Library, so you can view it whenever you log in on our website. Please feel free to save it as a pdf document to your computer if you wish to share it via email with colleagues assisting you with your show selection.

To produce this show, you can order scripts for your cast and crew and arrange for performance royalties via our website or by phone, fax, or mail.

If you’d like advice on other plays or musicals to read, our customer service representatives are happy to assist you when you call 800.333.7262 during normal business hours.

Thank you for your interest in our plays and musicals.

www.pioneerdrama.com

800.333.7262Outside of North America 303.779.4035 Fax 303.779.4315

PO Box 4267Englewood, CO 80155-4267

We’re here to help!

DRAMA WITHOUT THE DRAMAWords on a page are just words on a page. It takes people to turn them into plays and musicals. At Pioneer, we want the thrill of the applause to stay with you forever, no matter which side of the curtain you’re on. Everything we do is designed to give you the best experience possible:

WHy PIOnEER:

Maintain control of your casting. We know you can’t always control who auditions. Take advantage of our many shows that indicate flexible casting and switch

the genders of your roles without restrictions. And with Pioneer, you also get access to scripts that were written for the entire

cast, not just a star lead performer like so many other mainstream musicals and plays.

adapt and custoMize.Pioneer helps you manage the number of roles in your production. We indicate where doubling is possible for a smaller cast, as well as provide suggestions where extras are possible to allow for additional actors. Both options will help you tailor your play for your specific cast size, not the other way around.

Be original.Get access to fresh, new musicals that will let your actors develop their characters instead of mimicking the same personalities we see on stage year after year.

take advantage of our teaching tools.Pioneer’s CD Sets include two high quality, studio-produced discs – one with lyrics so your students can learn by ear, the other without so they can rehearse and perform without an accompanist or pit band. You can even burn a copy of the vocal CD for each cast member without worrying about copyright laws. And with payment of your royalty, you have permission to use the karaoke CD in your actual production.

it’s like having an assistant.Use our Director’s Books and benefit from professional features designed by and for directors. Line counts, scene breakdowns, cues and notes – you’ll love our spiral-bound, 8½” x 11” books with the full script only on one side of the page to leave plenty of room for your own notes.

videotaping? We’d Be disappointed if you didn’t!With Pioneer, you’ll never have to worry about videotaping your production and posting it on YouTube. In fact, we encourage it. We understand that your production is about your performers, not our script. Make the experience the best it can be, take pictures and videos, and share them with the community. We always love seeing our scripts come to life.

by dave barton - pioneer drama service · be addressed to pioneer drama service, inc., po box 4267,...

Documents