campain magazine
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A satirical version of the advertising industry magazine Campaign by Joe, who works in advertising. No shit.TRANSCRIPT
campainwww.campainlive.co.uk Part of the BlandRepublic Group
Creativity.Campain Magazine is all about it.But what is it?The answer is simple.Creativity is a small, short legged mammal that lives underground. It has small eyes and ears and big hands which it uses to dig.
Every week we devote our magazine to finding out more about it.And every week we expect a new answer.
We’ve been publishing for decades now!We hope the Campain will help you come closer to understanding the nature of creativity.It certainly hasn’t helped us.
CLAIREBEALENHEREFOREVER
The answer is simple.
Generation B, so named after the programme ‘Balam-ory’ which is popular with the demographic, refers to anyone aged between 0 and 6 months.They have been described as speechless, energetic and hairless. But who are they really? And how can we best make money out of them?Much has been made of Generation B and many claim to understand them. Foremost in the study of the group is Ben Tan, Head of Planning at BBD Perfect Storm.‘One thing that all of Generation B loves is exploration. They’re really driven by curiosity towards their environ-ment – putting things in their mouths, bashing them on the ground, you name it.’‘There’s also a really strong trend towards the movement of limbs. They love to wave their legs, arms and hands and be thrown up and down in the air’.Generation B are very much products of their time.
Data collection has revealed that many in the age group aren’t even aware of the boundary between themselves and the outside world. The behaviours described above are just ways of them finding it.But how do we communicate with someone who doesn’t even know the outside world exists? Tan thinks he has the answer.
Generation B Advertising’s new frontier
Editor’s Letter
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When I ask my English friends about the Galapagos, they all seem to think that our creative history start-ed with Darwin.His work on the Natural Selection campaign fa-mously swept the board in the Design category at D&AD awards, fending off competition by the rival effort, Intelligent Design.Yet only recently has native Galapagan advertising begun to make waves in the global community.For the first time this year Galapagan work has been nominated for a Cannes Lion, for work for Shell in the ‘Best Wearable Technology’ category.
Creativity.Fuckin’ a.I love the fuckin’ thing.I live and breathe it. I eat creativity for breakfast with a shake. I take my creativity sunny side up. I have creativity main lined into my veins five times a day.I am so proud and happy to work in a creative industry that I pledge my allegiance to it every day and hang a flag of David Ogilvy in my office.I serve my creativity with a warm slice of apple pie and a glass of milk. I speed through the desert in a Cadillac made of creativity on my way towards a wild creative frontier.But what is it?…I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
Omnicom Group:John D Wren
‘TV advertising.’‘In focus groups we’ve got phenomenal feedback for the stuff. They love moving pictures, colours and sounds. Often they approach the television and hug it, which we believe to be a sign of enjoyment.’‘They hate the Money Supermarket ad though, the Epic Strut one. Even babies hate that’.Brands take notice. But remember, Generation B is a fickle group – most of them haven’t even developed memories yet.
02 NEWS 2015 campain
Anthony TortoiseChief Executive at the Beagle
Despite needing to sleep for 16 hours a day, hav-ing a very slow metabolism and short stubby legs, creatives from the archipelago are migrating to other parts of the world and making names for themselves in global shops.The young creatives of the Galapagos, currently nested on the beach in egg form, possess a great energy and passion, as well as opportunities not available to preceding generations.No one can predict what this new brood will do in the future. One thing we do know, though, is that they will never walk faster than 0.3 miles per hour. That would be impossible.
INTERVIEWSVIEW: FROM THE GALAPAGOS
You’ll never guess who I had in my cab the other day, only that Rory Sutherland bloke.Couldn’t shut the fucker up about behavioural economics.I said to the bastard, look, Rory, blabber all you like about economics, but there’s only one thing people understand when it comes to behaviour – and that’s a short, sharp drop.The state of the world nowadays!You see those horny spiders in the paper the other day? Could have sworn I was looking at my moth-er-in-law.Bet the spider isn’t half as poisonous as she is, mind you.Here you are, guv, Gatwick. Oh sorry, did you say Heathrow.
WPP: Martin Sorrell
La Creativitee, mon amour!
It is an essentielle part of both moi and the Fran-caise nation.
It is in our blood, just like la poesie.
One can find it in the smokey haze at a Parisien café. But la creativitee is also not something one can tame, much like a bonne French woman. One has to learn to seduce it and, bien sur, the French are very good at that. It’s never a good idea to be too obvious or force anything.
She has to come out of her own will, attracted by the smouldering of your eyes across the table.
Publicis: Maurice Levy
03 NEWS 2015 campain
MORE INTERVIEWS
Pointless Advert goes here
Mad (bad and dangerous to know) men04 NEWS 2015 campain
Morality.
Advertising has never been very good at it, but this year it has been all the buzz. Is it a quaint throwback to a bygone era or an important part of the social fabric?
We put the question to our ethics panel.
‘Does Morality Have a Place in Advertising?’Q
NOLet us chat together a moment, my friend! There are still several hours until dawn, and I have the whole day to sleep.Brands are like vampires.If they are not invited into a house, they cannot enter and sup from the blood of the local peasant.A brand choosing to be moral may as well be choosing to cross run-ning water, and will never receive this invitation.An immoral brand is one that lives forever, casting no shadow.
Vlad Dracula CEO Cain and Abel BBDO
NOMr Kurtz was unavailable for comment, having recently undertaken a trip to Cambodia. However, a messenger was able to extract the follow-ing statement from him:
“We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig… cow after cow… village after village… army after army…”
Colonel Walter E. KurtzIPG Mediabrandos
NOTo care and cure, the duty does not fall
To mad men, boardrooms, shareholds. Ply the trade
That pays you. Doctors, nurses, teachers will
Not write, design, direct. Care not for them.
IagoVice President at Unlucky
campain05 NEWS 2015
YESWhen we make adverts we should think about the kind of society we want to live in. We have real influence over the way that people think and the things that people consider normal.For a long time the advertising world presented a reactionary view of gender and race – and those who think this is no longer the case are deluding themselves.That the industry enables the cruelty of corporations like Wonga with whitewashing adverts brings shame on all of us.I say it’s time for a positive change.If that doesn’t motivate you, consider that David Ogilvy is spending the rest of eternity having his fingers broken.
SatanChief Executive at Hell J Walter Thompson
THE END.