1ACT ONE_________________________________________PROLOGUE___________________________________________A gate area of a large, ultra- modern airportcirca 1960s. Lights fade up. We hear the sounds of JETS taking off and landing. ANNOUNCEMENTS murmur throughout. Courtesy phones, pages for passengers, calls for specific airlines and flights, mentioning long-gone airlines like TWA, Braniff, and Pan Am.

VOICE OVER ANNOUNCEMENTWelcome to Miami Dade International Airport. Braniff flight 663 service to New Yorks Idlewild Airport is now boarding.

PASSENGERS hurry back and forth, to and from their flights. FRANK ABAGNALE, JR. has been sitting on an airport chair reading the newspaper. FBI Agents enter, revolvers drawn: BRANTON and DOLLAR. They mistakenly pursue an airline passenger running for his flight.

BRANTONThere he is! Hold it right there!DOLLARStop or I'll shoot!

AGENT CARL HANRATTY enters from Stage Right. As with the other agents, we don't see much beneath the fedora.

HANRATTYHold your fire! Where the heck is he? Hes not giving us the slip this time. Frank Junior, carrying a suitcase, rises from the chair and quickly runs up the aisle.Hanratty looks off stage, then notices Frank Junior exiting in the house. Frank Junior, still carrying his suitcase, quickly reverses course and jumps up onto the stage with AGENT COD on his tail. The Agents chase him.Wait a minute, Men. There he goes! Thats him! Goddangit thats him!

BRANTONDon't move!DOLLARI'll shoot! I will shoot!Frank Junior hesitates ...CODAnd he's a really bad shot.... then takes off again. Hanratty gives chase.HANRATTYDammit!COD(overlapping)There. There he is!BRANTON(overlapping)No you dont!DOLLAR(overlapping)I'm gonna shoot!

A deafening SHOT stops everyone in their tracks. The Passengers all stop and stare. FRANK, JR. drops the suitcase which falls open, exposing its contents. Large quantities of cash.

HANRATTYFor the love ofDollar, what does "hold your fire" mean where you come from?DOLLAR(proud)I fired a warning shot, Agent Hanratty!COD(squints at ceiling)I think you shot down a plane.FRANK JUNIORThat was close! You could hurt someone.HANRATTYCome on, Frank. I'd rather take you alive than dead.FRANK JUNIORCan I at least make a statement first?HANRATTYAt the airport? No.FRANK JUNIORI'm sure these people want to know why you're shooting at me.(Looks to them: they kind of do)I think they should know who I am and what I did and why I did it.HANRATTYThis is one of your tricks. Men!(Jerks his head to the Agents, who close in)You're not going to fool me again, Frank, like you did in that hotel room in L.A. You're not putting on a show for these people.FRANK JUNIORA show?(MUSIC: A figure from the orchestrawe'll call it our STINGER. Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)A show.(Frank Junior snaps his fingers. MUSIC CONTINUES with a huge timpani roll. A sudden reveal shows a lavish backdrop and tuxedoed ORCHESTRA on a jazzy bandstand.) FRANK JUNIORMy name is Frank William Abagnale ... Junior. This is my story.I was a millionaire twice over and half again before I was twenty one. I stole every nickel of it. I flew almost five million miles as a Pan Am pilot, practiced medicine at a top Atlanta hospital, and worked as a prosecutor for the State of Lousiana, all under assumed names. Mister Hanratty thinks he has all the facts, but only I know just how I did it. And I did it in style.(He sings to us. As he does, Hanratty comes downstage and notices us, and tries not to be too unsettled.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR-FRANK JUNIOR-LIVE IN LIVING COLORLET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIDEYES, I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLORSO SIT BACK AND LET ME BEYOUR T.V. GUIDE!(The groove kicks in. Hanratty points the gun at Frank Junior.)HANRATTYAll right, thats enough. Frank, you're coming in. Now.FRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty, when that shot rang out, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I saw it all! Well I mean, the highlights. Like on a television special or something. Like we used to watch, mom and dad and me.HANRATTYYou think your life is a T.V. special?FRANK JUNIORI know. Modesty has never been one of my virtues.HANRATTYVirtue has never been one of your virtues.FRANK JUNIORTrue story.(sings)I GOTTA STORY I'D LIKE TO TELLBUT I'M GONNA NEED HELP TO TELL IT WELLI GOTTA STORY ABOUT FAME AND MONEYAND IT'S GOT MORE CURVES THAN A PLAYBOY BUNNYI WANNA LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVEI WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVEAND IN LIVING COLOR!(The ENSEMBLE has entered, and Hanratty findshimself surrounded by dancing bodies ...)ENSEMBLE(on Frank Junior's "color")LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (... and he ducks, flails, and fights his way out to one side, as Frank Junior continues. The Ensemble dress Frank Junior for the show, and bring in the set.)FRANK JUNIORSOMETHING SPECIAL'S UP TONIGHTYES I'MFRANK JUNIOR + ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLORFRANK JUNIORLIFE AIN'T LIVED IN BLACK AND WHITE!(speaks)Ladies and gentlemen, the Frank Abagnale Junior Singers and Dancers!(Hanratty fights his way through the Frank AbagnaleJunior Singers and Dancers and speaks to us.)HANRATTYHold on, Folks, listen, by the time this guy was twenty years old, he had stolen almost one-point-eight million dollars. He's a con man, plain and simple. Has been since the age of sixteen, when he bilked twenty grand from his father's Mobil card to buy presents for girls. When he got caught his only excuse wasFRANK JUNIORI like girls.

FRANK JR. + ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLORFRANK JUNIORAND IT'S BROUGHT TO YOU BY MEYES IT'S LIVE IN LIVING COLORENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLORFRANK JUNIORTHIS WON'T FIT IN YOUR T.V.!HANRATTYAll right, Frank. I've heard all I can hear. I don't want to hear any more.FRANK JUNIORI dont believe you. I think you want the rest of the story.HANRATTYI know the whole story All right, wait a minute, theres something that still bugs me. Howd you pass the bar exam? In New Orleans? Howd you cheat the bar?FRANK JUNIORAll right Mr. Hanratty Ill make you a deal. You let me finish, and Ill tell you anything. We owe each other that much, dontcha think? Ill get to tell my story. And youll have a full confession.HANRATTYOkay, deal. Frank. Or whatever you're calling yourself today wait where am I going?(Hanratty disappears down the center elevator lift)FRANK JUNIOR + ENSEMBLEWHAT'S IN A NAME?SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPJUST WINDOW DRESSINGSHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPEVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S THE CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MANCLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MANPLAY THE GAMESHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPJUST KEEP 'EM GUESSINGSHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPMIX AND MATCH ME. TRY TO CATCH ME IF YOU CANOH, I GOTTA STORY THAT'S STRANGE BUT TRUEI GOTTA STORY THAT'S STRANGE BUT TRUESO COME FLY WITH ME FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEWSO COME FLY WITH ME FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEWI'VE GOT THE WORLD AT MY COMMANDI'VE GOT THE WORLD AT MY COMMANDAND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN DISNEYLANDAND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN DISNEYLANDI DONT WANNA WAIT FOR THE COPS TO ARRIVEI WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVEAND IN LIVING COLORLIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYES AND I'LL BE GONE, YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYES BLINK YOUR EYESAND I'LL BE GONE BE GONE!-SONG ENDS-(MUSIC begins again. The ensemble break their tableaux and dance in the background as Frank Junior speaks to us our host.)

FRANK JUNIORLadies and gentlemen, our story begins on Christmas Eve, 1964, New Rochelle, New York. The Abagnale home. A beautiful house on the best street. The house everyone wanted, and the family everyone wanted to be.(Frank Junior goes, and the Ensemble comes forwardand set the stage for the Abagnale home.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (TAG)ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ONLIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYES AND ILL BE GONE(As we complete the TRANSITION TO ...)

SCENE 1: LIVING ROOM, THE ABAGNALE HOUSE, NEWROCHELLE___________________________________________(... and the dancers move to the background and then disappear. Paula opens the Christmas Tree. Frank Senior watches her. Frank Junior is watching a small color television set, and the SINGERS fade from house speakers to the television setthey're on the show Frank Junior is watching.)ENSEMBLE (ON TV)LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR -SONG ENDS-

PAULAIt truly is a beautiful tree, Frank.FRANK SENIORIts the genuine spirit of real Christmas, right there - one hundred percent acrylic.PAULABut so that I understand you left this morning with a Cadillac and two hundred dollars and come home with a Christmas tree, a television set, and a used Ford?FRANK SENIORCan I strike a bargain or what? I left those guys with their heads spinning.PAULAI think I know the feeling.FRANK SENIORIts that Abagnale magic. Cmon dance with me.PAULAFrank, I DO have dinner going-(But she starts to dance with him. Frank Jr. is stillwith the television.)FRANK JUNIORWow Dad, you're righteverything is better in color.FRANK SENIORHow about that thirteen-inch screen?FRANK JUNIORIts like Andy Williams is right here in our living room.FRANK SENIORNothings too good for my boy or my bride.FRANK JUNIORBut Dad, didnt those guys know you were getting away with something?FRANK SENIORPeople only know what you tell them, Frankie. Its all a dance swap the Caddy for the Ford, use the extra cash to pay the mortgage, use the mortgage to leverage the bank loan, use the loan to tide the business over until you can get the Caddy back. Theres always another move to make.PAULA(pulls away)I really should see to dinner.(She goes.)FRANK JUNIORThats great you got the loan, Dad.FRANK SENIORShh. I didnt get the loan.FRANK JUNIORYou didnt but I thought you said-FRANK SENIORI got something better.(hands him a checkbook.)Fifty checks. The account's in your name. I put twenty-five dollars in it so you can buy whatever you want. Don't tell your mother.FRANK JUNIORThanks, Dad. But if they didn't give you the loan, why did you FRANK SENIOROne day youre gonna want something from these people. A house, a car. They have all the money. And this means from this day on, you're in their little club.FRANK JUNIORBut why didn't they give you the loan?FRANK SENIORAh, its just a technicality. They won't loan to anyone under I.R.S. investigation.FRANK JUNIOROh.FRANK SENIORListen to me. You remember this story. Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave upand drowned. The second mouse wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIOR and he climbed out.FRANK SENIORAnd who are we?FRANK JUNIORWe're the second mouse.FRANK SENIORDamn straight we are. We're gonna be fine. As a matter of fact, you know what ? We're going downtown to buy you your Christmas present. A brand new Botany 500 suit.FRANK JUNIORDad, thats too expensive.FRANK SENIORFrankie. You know why the Yankees win all the time? It's not the Mick. It's not Joe Pepitone. It's the uniform.(MUSIC.)The other teams just stand there, staring at the pinstripes, mesmerized. The Dodgers were so scared they had to leave town.

SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEEFRANK SENIORWHEN YOUR MOTHER WALKED INTOTHAT DANCEHALL IN MONTRICHARDWHAT DID SHE SEE?THROUGH THE HAZE OF CHAMPAGNEDID SHE NOTICE MY BRAINOR MY COLLEGE DEGREE?KID, WHAT SHE SAW WAS THE UNIFORM!THROUGH THE DIRT AND DEBRISYEAH, THOSE LADIES GAVE THANKSTO US VISITING YANKSCAUSE THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE(Frank Senior is joined by a bevy of BEAUTIFUL GIRLS inYankee pinstripes. Frank Junior comes downstage: our host.)FRANK JUNIOR(to us, pausing as needed)Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest man I know. The man with all the moves, my dadFrank ... Abagnale ... Senior!FRANK SENIOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLSWHEN A PILOT WALKS ONTO THE PLANEALL THE PASSENGERS SMILE AND RELAXDO THEY SEE HES STILL TIGHTFROM THAT PARTY LAST NIGHTAND THE BACK TO BACK JACKS?OOOOOOOHSMILE AND RELAXSMILE AND RELAXSTEWED TO THE MAXFRANK SENIORNO!, WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORMHOW IT FITS TO A TEELIKE THAT VISITING TEAMTHAT THE YANKEES WILL CREAMTHE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (The Beautiful Girls surround Frank Junior, and heemerges dressed smartly in his prep-school blazer.)IF YOU WANNA BE A SOMEONEYOU CANT LOOK LIKE A BUMA BOOKS JUDGED BY ITS COVERTHATS THE FIRST RULE OF THUMBI WANNA SEE YA TAKE OFFSTRAIGHT TO THE TOP FLOORSTART DRESSIN TO IMPRESS EMSON YOU'LL STROLL IN THE FRONT DOORA KID IN A MANS CANDY STORE (As Frank Junior speaks to us, Jack Barnes and Paula enter, not quite separately. Jack goes to Frank Senior and shakes his hand. Paula comes to Frank Junior. MUSIC CONTINUES as we CONTINUE TO:)

SCENE 2: NEW ROCHELLE HIGH SCHOOL______________FRANK JUNIOREverybody loved my dad. Jack Barnes, the head of the Chamber of Commerce, called himFRANK JUNIOR AND JACK BARNESthe most popular businessman in New Rochelle!PAULAFrankie, you don't have to wear your school blazer. You're going to public school now.FRANK JUNIORI'm used to it. And, I mean, what's the Flash without his suit? Anyway, public school is only for now. Dad'll get back on his feet and I'll be back at St. Francis before you know it.PAULAMy brave little soldier. You aren't afraid of anything.FRANK JUNIORIll be fine, Mom. You do what you have to do.PAULAWell, you do look handsome. Comme tu es beau!(She sighs, kisses him on the cheek, and goes. Frank Junior heads to school. He is met by a JOCK and a NERD)FRANK JUNIOR'Scuse me, is this room 17 French?NERD(checking his outfit)Who wants to know? The F.B.I.?(The two students LAUGH and move past him, the Jock accidentally-on-purpose bumping Frank Junior and sending him stumbling.)JOCKYeah. He looks like a ... like a substitute teacher or somethin'.(STINGER. Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)FRANK JUNIORShouldnt you boys be in class? Depechez-vous. Vite. Vite. Vite. (Lights change. Frank Senior and Paula are with a dour female PRINCIPAL.)

PRINCIPAL OWINGSMr. and Mrs. Abagnale, I regret to inform you that for the past week, Frank has been teaching Mrs. Glaser's French class.PAULAHe what?PRINCIPALYour son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher. Lecturing the students, giving out homework. Your son held three teacher-parent conferences yesterday, and was planning a class field trip to a French Fry Factory in Trenton.(Frank Junior waits, nervously, outside the Principal's office.)PAULAYou have to forgive him. There's been so much change. We lost our houseFRANK SENIOR(smoothly cuts her off)Principal Owings, on my way in from the outer office, I found this necklace on the floor. Is it yours?(He pulls a locket necklace from his pocket.)PAULAFrank, please.FRANK SENIORYou must have dropped it. Looks like it was made for you.PRINCIPALWell. Mister Abagnale.(But she takes it. As Frank Senior shakes hands with the Principal, who exits opposite, Paula goes to Frank Junior.)PAULAFrankie Je ne peux pas.(She shakes her head again and goes. Frank Senior takes her place, putting on his hat. Looks at his son, who slowly meets his gaze.)FRANK SENIORFrench fry factory?!(Finally, Frank Senior LAUGHS. And Frank Junior LAUGHS.)FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIORYEAH, WERE GONNA HIT THE HIGH-LIFEWEVE ONLY JUST BEGUNWERE GONNA BE TOGETHERFRANK SENIOR AND SONDINE AT THE LATIN QUARTERA NIGHTCAP AT TOOTS SHORYEAH, WERE GONNA BE AT RINGSIDELIFE WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFOREFOR TWO KIDS IN A MANS CANDY STORE(Frank Senior claps his son on the shoulder and goes. Frank Junior moves to follow, but sees BETTY.)

FRANK JUNIORHi.BETTYHi. Is the Principal in her office? I need to give her this note from my mother, excusing me from sixth period.FRANK JUNIORYou should fold it. It's more believable that way.BETTYNo, this really is a note from my mother.FRANK JUNIORWhat's the first thing you do when your mother hands you a note? You fold it up and put it in your pocket.(A half-beat, you got me face, and Betty folds the note.)BETTYThanks. I'm Betty.FRANK JUNIORFrank.BETTYNice jacket.(She plants an impulsive kiss on his cheek, and goes. He swoons and sings.)WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORMJUST ASK ONE MAITRE DOR A TAILOR IN PARISGO ASK ROGER MARIS!THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE(Frank Junior dances his way home as we TRANSITION TO ...)

SCENE 3: THE ABAGNALE APARTMENT, DOWNTOWN NEW ROCHELLE______________________________________(... and as Frank Junior dances right on in the door, his mother and father dance on opposite. But with a turn, in an instant, we see that it's not his father. It's JACK BARNES. And Frank Junior sees this, and they see him. MUSIC STOPS suddenly.)-SONG ENDS-

FRANK JUNIORMom, Dad I met this girl PAULAFrankie! You remember your father's friend, Jack Barnes?FRANK JUNIORHello.JACK BARNESFrank. Good to see you. Paula I Take care.(He grabs his hat and goes. Frank Junior is silent.)PAULAAre you hungry, Frankie? I'll make you a sandwich.(Frank Junior doesn't move.)Frankie?(No answer.)You're not going to tell him.FRANK JUNIORNo.PAULAThat's right. There's nothing to tell. I'm going out for a few hours to visit some old friends from the tennis club, and when I get back, we'll all have dinner together, right?(Frank Junior rubs his eyes. Paula gets her pocketbook.)Do you need some money, Frankie? A few dollars to buy some comic books? Here, take two.(She stuffs two dollar bills in his pants pocket. He doesnt acknowledge her. Then )FRANK JUNIORTwo hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall, and all he saw was you ... you ...PAULAI was sixteen years old when I met your father. I was your age. How could I know what I wanted? Dites donc?FRANK JUNIORYou wanted him.PAULAI did, once. And I wanted to get out of France. And I wanted to have a child.(She reaches for him, but he pulls away.)(considers him, then)It was a long time ago, Frankie. Believe me, one day you'll look at yourself, and you won't be who you were.(He turns away from her and walks into his bedroom: piles of comic books, a "Flash" bedspread. He takes his jacket off and tosses it.)

SONG: SOMEONE ELSE'S SKINFRANK JUNIORTHERES NO PHONE BOOTHTHERES NO CAPETHERES NO STEVE MCQUEENTO HELP ME MAKE MY GREAT ESCAPEHOW CAN I FLYLIKE A HERO IN THE SKYBE A SHOOTING STAR OUT IN THE STRATOSPHEREWHERES THE SHADOW?HE MIGHT KNOWWHERES THAT SEARCHLIGHT IN THE SKYTO POINT THE WAY TO GO?THROUGH SOME NEW CLOUDTO DISAPPEAR INTO THE CROWDTHOUGH THE FUTURES DARKTHERES ONE THING CRYSTAL CLEARTHAT THERES NO HOME HERE (MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)

SCENE 4: FAMILY COURT AND TRAIN STATION, NEW ROCHELLE___________________________________________ (The Family Court Judge appears with Frank Senior and Paula ...)JUDGESon, listen to me. We just need a name. Your mother or your father.(... and as the bedroom goes away, Frank Junior comes downstage for that "break-in-a-ballad" confessional moment.)FRANK JUNIORSO MANY VOICES TELLING ME TO CHOOSEJUDGEIt can get very expensive, people fighting over their children.FRANK JUNIORITS LIKE A GAME WHERE EITHER TEAM I LOSEPAULANobody's fighting. Frankie, Look at me. Nobody's fighting.(The adults continue, overlapping, as Frank Junior sings to us.)FRANK JUNIORTHIS KINDA NOISE JUST MAKES ME WANNA SHOUTFRANK SENIORFrankie, just give them a name, and this will all be over. It's going to be okay.FRANK JUNIORID LIKE TO BUY A ONE-WAY TICKET OUTPAULAMy brave little soldier. Do what you have to do.FRANK JUNIORRULES OF THE ROAD SAY DONT LOOK BACKEYES STRAIGHT AHEAD, DONT JUMP THE TRACKTRY A NEW GAME

FRANK SENIORIm sorry, Frankie. FRANK JUNIORAND PRAY THAT I CAN WINFRANK SENIORIve got no room to move here.'CAUSE I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINESO I'LL SLIP NOWINTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN(And as the music hits a driving groove, Frank Junior turns and runs. The Family Court disappears. Frank is on the street, COMMUTERS hurrying to and fro.)COMMUTERSHOO-HOO, HOO HOO(The RAILROAD AGENT appars and Frank Junior approaches. He holds out a couple of crumpled bills)FRANK JUNIOROne for Grand Central Station, please.RAILROAD AGENTRound trip is five dollars. One way is three. You have two.

(The Railroad Agent holds up the bills. MUSIC CHANGES. Lights change, isolating Frank Junior. He looks at us, and speaks rapidly, without pause, as the Railroad Agent continues as if Frank Junior is still just in the scene with him.)

FRANK JUNIOROkay, so I didn't really know what I was doing, I just knew I had to get out, and I'm not proud of this but my instincts took over. Misdirection. Maintain eye contact. Keep talking. And I take my money back from the ticket seller and I make it disappear (He does, using a nifty bit of sleight-of-hand. MUSIC CHANGES.) and I spin some tale about meeting my grandmother at Idlewild while I ask for my change, even though he doesn't owe me any change RAILROAD AGENTWait, what?FRANK JUNIOR but I keep talking, and waiting for my change, or in this case my money back, and in his confusion he thinks he owes me change, and he gives me two dollars, so now I have four dollars which is enough for my one way ticket to Manhattan, because I don't plan on coming back(The Railroad Agent takes the money from Frank Junior, who turns to go, but:)RAILROAD AGENTHold it!FRANK JUNIORWhat?RAILROAD AGENTYour ticket.FRANK JUNIORThanks.Like I said, I'm not proud of it, but you do what you have to do. I had to find a way out, and this is the way I found.(MUSIC STARTS TO BUILD as he continues.)They wanted me to choose ... and I chose. The New Haven line. Track Two, the ten-fifteen to New York City!

FRANK JUNIORRUN DOWN THE STREETRUN OUT OF TOWNI'M GONNA RUNFROM THE HOME TEAMAND NEVER TOUCH DOWNRUN FROM THE BOOKS'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKEI'M GONNA RUNFROM THE CHOICESTHAT I DON'T WANNA MAKESCHOOL'S NOT OUT BUT I CAN'T WAITIT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO GRADUATETODAYI'VE GOTTA RUN AWAY NOWI'VE GOT TO RUN AWAYI KNOW THEY'LL SEE THE TRUTHWHEN I MOVE ONTHEY'LL NEED EACH OTHER MUCH MOREONCE I'M GONEAND WHEN I'M FLUSHAND HE'S BACK ON HIS FEETI'LL PICK HIM UP AND RIDEDOWN EASY STREETNO TIME TO CRY FOR ALL THE YEARSA RUSTY GAS TANKFULL OF TEARSGETS YOU NOWHERENOT THE PLACES I WANT INAND I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINESO I'LL SLIP NOWINTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.COMMUTERSRUN DOWN THE STREETRUN OUT OF TOWNRUN FROM THE BOOKS'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKEAH AHAH AHTODAYHOO-HOOHOO-HOOOO-OO-OOFULL OF TEARSAH-AH AH-AHAH-AH AH-AHSOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.(MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)

SCENE 5: CHASE BANK, MANHATTAN__________________(On applause from SOMEONE ELSES SKIN, Frank Junior comes downstage to speak to us.)FRANK JUNIORAnd now, ladies and gentlemen, a word from our sponsors!(He gestures, and three ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANTS come dancing in.)These great products can help you survive your first few weeks in New York with just fifty checks and a driver's license.(Three ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANTS bring in the products as Frank describes them. A FOURTH ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT holds Franks briefcase for him)Swiss Army Penknives can help you alter the age on your driver's license. Because a sixteen-year-old cashing a check or opening an account by himselfSWISS ARMY KNIFE ASSISTANT(with Swiss Army knife)gets a lot of questions!FRANK JUNIORHiggins brand Genuine Original India Ink flows easily through your pen or brusha few dabs on your license, you're ten years older.INDIA INK ASSISTANT(with bottle of ink)And no one can tell the difference!FRANK JUNIORElmer's Glue is perfect for the craftsperson of any age who needs to change their name. With a pair of scissors you can cut and paste names from other documents, and you're officially Frank Taylor Junior. And if Frank Taylor wears out his welcomeELMERS GLUE ASSISTANT(with Elmer's Glue)You can be Frank Adams!ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #2Or Frank Conners.ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #1Or William Taylor.SWISS ARMY KNIFEA SNIP,INDIA INKA DAB,ELMERS GLUEA TOUCH OF GLUETHREE ASSISTANTSAND YOULL BE GOOD TO GOFRANK JUNIORBIG THANKS TO ALL OUR SPONSORS!

THREE ASSISTANTSNOW, RIGHT BACK TO THE SHOW!(As the Assistants dance off Stage Left, Hanratty enters from Stage Right. Frank Jr exits)

SCENE 6: F.B.I. OFFICE________________________________HANRATTY(Hanratty comes downstage to us.)What hes leaving out folks, in his charming fashion, is the fact that in just a few short months this guy had soaked just about every branch of Chase Manhattan in the five boroughs and in northern New Jersey. He opened accounts all over the tri-state area, and dropped rubber in just about every hotel, grocery store, and dry cleaners from here to Hoboken. He was the Johnny Appleseed of fraud.He didnt know his bad checks were on my desk. He didnt know his mother had filed a missing-persons report. He didnt know that his clock was ticking.(The elevators begin to lift the FBI office into view. Agents BRANTON, COD, and DOLLAR are drowning in checks and we hear:)CODDollar! What have you done!BRANTONYeah, Dollar, the next time we tell you to move file boxes, and you stack them ten high, could you make sure youre under them when they fall?DOLLARWhoops!HANRATTYLeave the kid alone.BRANTONCome on, Hanratty. We always give the rookies a hard time. Dont you remember how they razzed you?HANRATTYYes, and its an experience I see no reason to repeat. Now listen, we have three or four major-league paperhangers somewhere in this mess, so we are going to sort it out, even if it means we drop dead at our desks and our fossilized bones are discovered in some archeological dig in the twenty-first century.CODCmon Hanratty its 4:45. Its Thanksgiving.HANRATTYListen We do the job because it's the job and as long as I'm Interim Second Assistant Special Agent in Charge of the Bank Fraud and Forgery Subdivision, North Atlantic region thank you very much we will do the job until its done. Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving.BRANTONThats easy for you to say, Hanratty. Some of us still have wives.HANRATTYLow blow, Agent Branton. And, by the way, go home for lunch one of these days, unannounced, and see how that works out for you.(The men laugh.)DOLLARHe got you there.BRANTONShouldnt you be in another department? Like maybe daycare?DOLLARI was auditing background checks for the Library of Congress and I asked for a transfer. I requested something where I could use my gun. I like guns. And cars. Anything loud or fast, basically.HANRATTY(shudders)How about Shelley Winters? Shes loud and fast. Come on, Dollar, I know that this job is not as exciting as fieldwork, or counter-intelligenceCODOr a long, slow death.HANRATTYand maybe nobody knows you're down here. But he does. Oh yeah, he does. The one you're after. He knows. And the day you catch him, and you will, the day you slap those cuffs on him and watch them haul him away (music under) oh, now this is interesting (more music under). This is very, very interesting.BRANTONI know you think so, and thats the sad thing.HANRATTY(changed focus on something he found out upon the check) Oh, this is interesting. Look at these two. Hes changing the MICR numbers on the checks.DOLLARMicker? Micker Mouse?CODWho the hell is Micker Mouse?HANRATTYMICR! MICR! M-I-C-R. Magnetic Ink Character Recognition. Jiminy Christmas, Frank Taylor must've got his hands on a MICR encoder.(looks at the other check)And Frank Williams too. Look here. If you change a zero-two to a one-two, a check that was cashed in New York gets rerouted all the way to San Francisco and its weeks before the bank that cashed it knows theyre bad.DOLLARYou mean those numbers at the bottom the check actually mean something?HANRATTYThey mean that Frank Taylor and Frank Williams and William Franklin are the same person. They mean that he can stay in one place and write bad checks for weeks and weeks. And that means there must be thousands more checks just like this out there more bum checks than a Prague prison! And that means(A second load of checks drops.)BRANTON, COD + DOLLARNooooo!HANRATTYYeah. That means no Christmas for you MICR mouse.(He points at Cod.)And no Hanukah either.(MUSIC. Frank Junior returns and the men sweep the checks onto the lifts as we TRANSITION TO:)

SCENE 7: OUTSIDE THE TUDOR HOTEL, MANHATTAN, AND IN THE SKIES_____________________________________(As soon as the deck is clear, the elevators begin to sink out of sight. And Frank Junior )FRANK JUNIORWell, that should keep Mister Hanratty busy for a while. But unfortunately he was right. My clock was ticking. I'd always wanted to be good at something. Now I was really good ... at passing bad checks. I was a crook, nothing more, and the shelf life was getting shorter. But then one day, I went walking past the Tudor Hotel on 42nd Street, and destiny came walking out those revolving doors.(MUSIC. He almost collides with a beautiful young Pan Am STEWARDESS emerging, travel bags in hand.)FRANK JUNIOROh!! Excuse me.(He takes her measure.)STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)Thats quite all right.(She continues past him, as Frank watches, agape. A SECOND STEWARDESS comes through the door.)STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY)Excuse me.FRANK JUNIORKinda late to be checking out, isn't it?STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY)We all have evening flights.FRANK JUNIOR"We all. ..?"(A parade of STEWARDESSES, all in the same Pan Am outfit, march in through the door, satchels in hand. He bobs and weaves as they move through.)FRANK JUNIOROh, Iexcuse mewhoops!hello, there ...(to us)Are you seeing this?(STEWARDESS #3 bumps him on her way by ...)STEWARDESS #3 (LINDY)Oh! Excuse me.FRANK JUNIORNo ... excuse me. Um. Who are you all waiting for?THE STEWARDESSESThe pilots.(Frank Junior blinks. STINGER. He smiles at us, then at her.)FRANK JUNIORExcuse me, miss ... I've been training as a pilot. Is Pan Am hiring?STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)Aren't you sweet. Here.(She pulls a business card from her bust. It's the wrong one. She pulls another; then the third time's the charm:)Here it is. Talk to Jerry Taylor, VP of personnel. Tell him Cindy sent you.FRANK JUNIORThank you, Miss Cindy. Tell meis flying everything it's cracked up to be?STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)The only thing better than flyingis what happens on the ground.(Frank Junior steps downstage: our host.)FRANK JUNIOR(to us, our host:)Ladies and gentlemen, Cindy, Mindy, Lindy, Kelly, Shellie, Nellie, Sherrie, Terri, Karrie, and Jane.I like to call them ... "The Jet Set."

SONG: THE JET SETCINDYWOKE UP IN BROOKLYNWITH A FROWN UPON MY FACE(One by one, the other Stewardesses join her, telling Frank Junior how it is.)MINDYJUST LEFT WISCONSINWHERE THERE'S CHEESE ENOUGHTO START THIS RAT RACECINDYBUT THANKS TO THE BROTHERS WRIGHTCINDY + MINDYWE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL SLEEP TONIGHTCINDYYEAH, I'M A BIRD IN THE SKIESMINDYAND TOMORROW WHEN I RISELINDYI'LL WAKE UP IN PARISWITH A NEW LOVE IN MY HEARTJANEOR MAYBE GERMANYWITH THAT BRAND NEW PETI MET IN STUTTGARTKELLIESKIES THE LIMIT, TIME TO PLAYI'LL PUT DOWN ROOTS SOME OTHER DAYSHELLIENO NEED TO BE A LONELY JOESTEWARDESSESTHE JET-SET IS THESHELLIEONLY WAY TO GO(One Stewardess pulls a pair of horn-rimmed glasses from her satchel and puts them on Frank Junior. Another Stewardess opens her satchel, and he takes out a camera and a notebook. A PAN AM EXECUTIVE enters.)PAN AM EXECUTIVESo you're the kid writing the article for the school paper?FRANK JUNIOR(turns to him, now a high school kid)Yes sir. Frank Black from Monroe High School. I want to know everything there is to know about being a Pan Am pilot. For instance, what does it mean when one pilot says to another pilot, "I've been on the same equipment all week, jumpin' puddles for the weak and weary?"PAN AM EXECUTIVEMeans they've been flying the same plane, short flights, mostly commuters.FRANK JUNIORAnd what about those I.D. badges that I've seen pilots wear?PAN AM EXECUTIVEEvery pilot has to have it with him at all times. It's an airline personnel badge, like this one here from Pan Am.FRANK JUNIORThank you for your time, sir! Can I get a picture?PAN AM EXECUTIVEOh, sure. (Frank Junior points the camera right at his ID badge. FLASH.)FRANK JUNIORGot it!(The Executive goes and the Stewardesses are back.)

STEWARDESSESWOULDJA LIKE NEW MUSIC AND MYSTERYEACH AND EVERYDAYLOSE THE SAME OLD MUSIC AND HISTRYMAKE A NEW FRIEND THENFLY AWAY(One Stewardess brings Frank Junior an in-flight cart with familiar sponsor products: Penknife, scissors, glue, India ink. Frank holds up a blank piece of paper, and goes to work making a Pan Am Badge.)STEWARDESSES (CONT'D)AND WAKE UP IN TEXASWHERE THEY TREAT THEIR WOMEN RIGHTAND THEN TRY HOLLYWOODWHERE THE STARS GET LITOUT IN BROAD DAYLIGHTANY CITY, NEAR OR FARFEELS TWICE AS GOOD AS WHERE YOU AREWHEN YOURE SICK OF THE STATUS QUOTHE JET-SET ISTHE ONLY WAY TO GO (Frank Junior holds up his completed badge.)FRANK JUNIORMy Pan Am pilot's badge! How cool is that?A TAILOR enters, measuring tape and note pad in hand.TAILORAwfully young to be a pilot, aren't ya?FRANK JUNIORI get that a lot. I'm just a co-pilot.TAILORWhy so nervous?FRANK JUNIORHow would you feel if you lost your uniform your first week on the job?TAILORAh, I hear you. That'll be one forty-three ninety-seven.FRANK JUNIORCan I write you a check?TAILORNono checks, no cash. Just need your employee number.(He pulls out a form and begins to fill it out. Frank tries to read it upside down, to count spaces for numbers:)FRANK JUNIORSure. It's. Six. One. Four ... Three.(?) Four (?) Three.(?) Ff(But before he gets the next number out, the Tailor nods, finished, and Frank Junior pulls it back.)TAILORGreat! I'll bill Pan Am,FRANK JUNIOR-ffine. TAILORthey'll take it out of your next paycheck.FRANK JUNIORThats why Pan Am will always be around.(Frank Junior and the Tailor go as the PILOTS enter with Stewardesses.)

ALL PILOTSWOULDJA LIKE A SLEIGH RIDE, A HAYRIDE?THEN KIDDO, JUST STAY HOMEBUT, IF YOU WANT JET-SET THEN GET SETTO LEAVE BEHIND KANSASTHERES NO PLACE LIKE ROMEALL STEWARDESSESWAKE UP IN RIOHAVE YOUR COFFEE IN BRAZILEVERYONEWHEN REAL LIFE GETS YOU DOWNTAKE A FAR-OUT, ONE-WAYTRIP TO SPLITZVILLEALL PILOTSSWEDISH, GREEK OR JAPANESEALL STEWARDESSESA STEWARDESS IS TRAINED TO PLEASEALLSO IF YOUVE GOT WHAT IT TAKES BELOWWELL THEN FLY THIS BIRD LIKE CUPIDS BOWCAUSE THE JET SET'S JUST A HOLIDAYYEAH THE JET SET GOESUP, UP AND AWAY ... SO FLY!(Frank Junior joins them, his uniform at last perfect, cap and aviators on. A stunning sight.)FRANK JUNIORRIGHT DOWN TO IT'LY FOR LA BELLA FEMINAJUMP IN A FOUNTAINSTEWARDESSESWOO!ALLFOR A BIG DOSE OF LA DOLCE VITAFRANK JUNIORIF YOUR TASTES RUN MORE RISQUTWO STEWARDESSESWELL THEN, WE KNOW A JOINT IN OLD BOMBAYALLSO HANG ON TIGHTLETS LOOP DE LOOPITS TIME TO FLYTHIS CHICKEN COOPSO PACK UP YOUR SUITCASECHECK YOUR WORRIES AT THE GATECOME OUT AND PLAY BOYCRUISE THE WORLD TO FINDYOUR PERFECT PLAYMATEFRANK JUNIORTHINGS LOOK BETTER FROM ABOVESO BUCKLE UP, NEXT STOP IS LOVEALLFROM TIMBUKTU TO TOKYOFROM MOZAMBIQUE TO MEXICOTHE JET SET IS THEONLY WAY TO GOFRANK JUNIORBABBADA BOP BOOP BAH BADOOBA DOO-OH!-SONG ENDS-

(MUSIC begins again. As the others exit, Frank comes down center to take the elevator down. The doors open and off steps Cheryl Ann getting off the elevator of the St. Regis Hotel.

SCENE 8: THE ST. REGIS HOTEL, MANHATTAN_________CHERYL ANNNice uniform.FRANK JUNIORDont I know you from somewhere?CHERYL ANNMaybe. I was on the cover of Seventeen ... a few years ago.FRANK JUNIORSure you're that model! Cheryl Annsomethingin the Plaza. Could I get your autograph?CHERYL ANNDo you have a pen ... in your room?FRANK JUNIORI think I do.(As they head up the stairs, she starts removing her outer garments.)CHERYL ANNSo. Captain.FRANK JUNIORCall me Frank.CHERYL ANNFrank. Are you going to make me an offer?FRANK JUNIORI'm sorry an offer for what?CHERYL ANNA man like you can buy anything he wants. What's a night worth? With me?FRANK JUNIORI gosh, I really don't know, Cheryl. Um. Three hundred?(She closes her coat and heads back to the elevator.)Five hundred?(She gets on the elevator)A thousand dollars?(She stops the elevator doors from closing)CHERYL ANNOne thousand dollars.FRANK JUNIORI have to cash a check.CHERYL ANNYou think this hotel is going to cash a thousand dollar check at three a.m.?FRANK JUNIOR(pulls one out)They've done it for me before. It's a cashier's check.CHERYL ANN(inspecting it)Endorse it over to me.FRANK JUNIORIt's for fourteen hundred.CHERYL ANNYou give me the check ...(pulling cash from her bust)... and I'll give you four hundred dollars.FRANK JUNIOREven better.(MUSIC. She hands him the check and the cash as they disappear together down the elevator lift)

SCENE 9: A FIRING RANGE, FBI TRAINING GROUND, QUANTICO, VA________________________________________(As Frank Junior leaves with Cheryl Ann, Hanratty and the men enter. Hanratty takes aim and fires. )BRANTONHanratty, why the hell'd you drag us out to Quantico? This guys a pen and ink man. A paperhanger. He probably doesnt even carry a gun.HANRATTYWere getting closer to this guy and you need to bone up on some of the skills youve let slide sitting in that basement sipping peppermint schnapps out of your coffee cup.BRANTONBut we can't fix a location on him. One day he's in Dallas. The next he's in Stuttgart. Rome. Barcelona.CODHes gone global. The last bad checks came from Liechtenstein. Where the hell is Liechtenstein?HANRATTYThe principality of Liechtenstein is a landlocked alpine country in Western Europe bordered by Switzerland to the west and south and Austria to the east. And if our UnSub thinks he can hide there hes sorely mistaken.BRANTONIts just forgery, Hanratty. Theres no way the Bureaus gonna give us travel money for Liechtenwhatsit.HANRATTYThis guy's just a forger like Mickey Mantle is just a hitter. He's not playing the game, boys. He's making the rules.No. No. He's a true talent.CODJesus, Hanratty. You want to arrest him or hire him?HANRATTYI see him in my sleep. Sixtyish, salt-and-pepper, tall. He's Old School, a virtuoso. He's been honing his craft for years. Years I tell you. But they always make a mistake. It's the overconfidence. Or the wine. Or the women.(Bullets WHIZ and DING and they duck for cover.)BRANTONWhat the hell!DOLLAR(entering)You know, if shooting people is anything like target practice, it's very disappointing. I didn't feel a thing.HANRATTYJudas Priest, Dollar! This job is not about shooting at people. Its not about punching the clock waiting for retirement, or sneaking off for quickies with the secretaries on three. This job is about just one guy. Frank Taylor a.k.a. Frank Williams a.k.a. William Franklin. Hes out there somewhere, he is toying with me. He is taunting me.CODCmon, Hanratty. He doesnt even know you exist.HANRATTYHe will. Believe it. He will.BRANTONOkay, okay. Stay cool.HANRATTYI will not stay cool. I have never been cool and I dont intend to start now.BRANTONHanratty, were you always like this?HANRATTYLong as I can remember.(MUSIC.)I think I was born this way. Other kids wanted to play cops and robbers. I only wanted to play cops.(Frank Junior appears ...)FRANK JUNIORLadies and gentlemen ... Carl Hanratty.(... and disappears.)

SONG: BREAKING ALL THE RULESHANRATTYIT STARTS VERY EARLYONCE THE BABY TOYS ARE GONEA KID ON THE PLAYGROUNDHAS TO CHOOSE WHAT SIDE HE'S ONIT'S THE BULLIES OR THE GOOD GUYSBOY, THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUNDTHOUGH HOODLUMS TRY TO BLUR THE LINEAND TWIST THE TRUTH AROUNDTHEN THEY CALL THEMSELVES A WINNERBUT THEY'RE SELF-DECEIVING FOOLS'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNINGIF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULESTHE LAW IS LAYED UPON USWHEN AS KIDS WE FIRST ASK "WHY?"OUR PARENTS SET THE RULESWHEN "'CAUSE I SAID SO," THEY REPLYAND THOUGH I THOUGHT I HATED THEMAND SCREAMED WITH ALL MY MIGHTTHE NEXT TIME THAT I HAD A CHOICEGEE WHIZ! I DID WHAT'S RIGHTNO, I NEVER SNUCK A DRINKI NEVER STOLE A PACK OF "KOOLS"'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNINGIF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULESHANRATTYOR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WESTGODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TESTYOU THUMB YOUR NOSERIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVEBUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE.IT STARTED BACK WITH MOSESWHEN HE LED AROUND THE JEWSAND CLIMBED WAY UP THAT MOUNTAINTO PICK UP GODS DAILY NEWSHE SCHLEPPED UP OLD MT. SINAICRIED AND BEGGED ON THEIR BEHALFHE ALMOST DROPPED THOSE TABLETSWHEN HE SAW THAT GOLDEN CALFNOW WE TEACH THE TEN COMMANDMENTSEVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLSCAUSE THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNING IFYOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULESI GUESSTHE CONSTITUTION, BOYS,TO SOME IS TOO COMPLEXTHEY THINKOUR FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHTSO THEY COULD FORGE SOME CHECKSTHEY SEE THEMSELVESAS ROBIN HOODSTEALING FROM THE RICHNOT PAYING BACKTHE THINGS THEY TAKEWELL PAYBACK IS A BITCHCAUSE THE WORLD AINT SHERWOOD FORESTYOU CANT GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELSAND THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGIF YOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULESOR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WESTGODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TESTMENDONT BREAK THE RULESDONT BREAK THE RULESDONT BREAK THE RULESTHOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE.THE JEWSTELL ME THE NEWSOH LORD!WHAT?EVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLSAND BABY I GUESS THEY THINKTHEY SEE THEMSELVESDONTCHA KNOW THEYRENOT PAYING BACKPOW!!!YOU CANT GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELSDONT BREAK THE RULESDONT BREAK THE RULES HANRATTYYOU THUMB YOUR NOSERIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVEBUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE!WHEN YOU STEAL SOMEBODYS MONEYSCREW HIS DAUGHTER OR HIS WIFEYOU DONT THINK OF REPERCUSSIONSAS YOU TAP DANCE THROUGH YOUR LIFETHOUGH YOU SMILE LIKE YOURE A HEROYOURE AN OUTLAWBUT THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR, MANAND ONE DAY ILL CATCH YOUSO, GO SNEAKINTO A MOVIERUN A RED LIGHT, SELL SOME POTITS ALL THE SAME TO MEYOURE EITHER GUILTY OR YOURE NOTIF WE ALL DID WHAT WE WANTEDEVERY TIME WE FELT THE URGETHE WORLD WOULD BEIN TOTAL CHAOSITS ALREADY ON THE VERGECAUSE, ITS LAWS THAT KEEP US HUMANCAUSE WITHOUT THEMWERE JUST MULESANDTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGI SAYTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGOH OH OHTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGIF YOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULESOR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WESTGODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TESTYOU THUMB YOUR NOSEAT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVETHOSE LAWSTHOSE LAWS, BABYDONT BREAK THE RULESBUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE!US ALIVE!OOH-OOHWOPOOH-OOHBOP!OOH-OOHYOURE AN OUTLAWTHROUGH AND THROUGHAND ONE DAY ILL CATCH YOUSO, GO SNEAKDOO-WOP, DOO-WOP!DOO-WOP, DOO-WOP, WOW!THE WORLD WOULD BEIN TOTAL CHAOSBOP!CAUSE WITHOUT THEMWERE JUST MULESTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGDONT BREAK THE RULESDONT BREAK THE RULESDONT BREAK THE RULESBUT THOSE RULES THOSE LAWSTHOSE RULES THOSE LAWSTHOSE RULES THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE! KEEP US ALIVE!BOP!-SONG ENDS-

HANRATTYAll right, back to work. Crime doesnt take a holiday.(The FBI Agents scatter. Frank Junior enters with his suitcase. A lovely STEWARDESS enters with a clipboard.)STEWARDESSGood morning, First Officer. Are you my deadhead today?FRANK JUNIORYes, maam. Been on the same equipment all week, jumpin puddles for the weak and weary.STEWARDESSFirst class is full, but Ive got the jump seat open. Come on aboard.FRANK JUNIORThanks!STEWARDESSBe sure to watch out for that Skywayman.FRANK JUNIORSkywayman?(The Stewardess hands him a newspaper, opened and folded to an article. Frank Jr. scans it. Branton and Dollar enter opposite.)BRANTONYoure dangerous, kid. Who the hell taught you to shoot?DOLLARMy daddy taught me how to turn a mister into a missus at a hundred yards.BRANTONYeah ... I dont really want to know about that.(Hanratty enters, and Cod follows him in, with a flyer in hand.)CODHanratty. I'm gonna regret this, but look at this field bulletin.(Hanratty grabs and scans it.)HANRATTY + FRANK JUNIOR(overlapping; not in unison)The Skywayman. All the airlines are after him ... posing as an airline pilot ... flying all over the world ...STEWARDESSThey don't know how he does it.CODMaybe he forged some credentials?FRANK JUNIORThe Skywayman.HANRATTYMaybe he's a master con artist.FRANK JUNIORLike a superhero.HANRATTYMaybe ... he drops rubber everywhere he goes.FRANK JUNIORCrazy world we live in. I'll have to look out for him.(Frank Junior gives the paper back to the Hotel Clerk and exits. She follows.)HANRATTYNice work, Cod. All right, boys. We're checking every airport hotel, motel, cafe, and commissary on the Eastern seaboard. We just became front page news.(MUSIC. Hanratty and the boys exit and we go right to theLatin Quarter.)SCENE 10: THE LATIN QUARTER, NEW YORK CITY_____(A floor show is just finishing, with the girls dressed in pinstripes.)SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (REPRISE)SHOWGIRLSUNDERNEATH IS MY UNIFORMALL IN SILK, FROM PAREEA MAN CAN MAKE PASSESOR USE X RAY GLASSESBUT! PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT HELL SEE!-SONG ENDS-

(Frank Senior makes his way through the beautiful girlswho give him a little love. Frank Junior, in uniform, waits at their table.)FRANK SENIORThis place ... something else. They have a guy to give towels to the guy who gives you towels.FRANK JUNIORI heard about it in Paris. I thought it might be just the place to take you when I got back to the States.FRANK SENIORMy son the birdman. Where're you flying that plane tonight?FRANK JUNIORWell, I don't really fly. I'm sort of just a copilot.FRANK SENIORWhere?FRANK JUNIORLos Angeles.FRANK SENIORHollywood.FRANK JUNIORYeah.FRANK SENIORLook at us, Frankie. On top of the world.FRANK JUNIORDad. I went by the store today.FRANK SENIORI had to close the store for a while. It's all a matter of timing, Frank. The goddamn government knows that, they hit you when you're down. I wasn't going to let them take it from me. So I just shut the doors myself. Called their bluff. Sooner or later, they'll forget about me. (Frank Junior slides a thick envelope across the table.)FRANK SENIORWhat's this?FRANK JUNIORLet's open up the store, Dad. Pay off the Feds. Get things back the way they were. I can help out now.FRANK SENIORKeep it. You got your own worries.FRANK JUNIORI'm fine. There's plenty more where this came from, believe me.FRANK SENIORThat's fine, Frankie. Take good care of yourself.FRANK JUNIORBut maybe if Mom saw FRANK SENIORDo I look like I need your help?(A moment. Frank Sr. to bartender.)Double Bourbon.(Back to Frank Junior.)Don't worry about your mom and me. She's stubborn, always has been. She's a formidable woman. But I won't let her go without a fight.FRANK JUNIORIf she saw you had the store back FRANK SENIORTwo hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall, watching her dance. I didn't speak a word of French. And six weeks later, she was my wife.FRANK JUNIORShe could be again.FRANK SENIORI don't know, Frankie.FRANK JUNIORListen, Dad, everything's different now. I got this great job. I make lots of money. I can have breakfast in Rome, lunch in Miami, and dinner in San Francisco. I can snap my fingers ...(He raises his hand, snaps his fingers twice. MUSIC.) and strike up an orchestra.FRANK SENIORAnd here I thought you were just a copilot.FRANK JUNIORI can be anything you need me to be. Because I learned from the best.

SONG: BUTTER OUTTA CREAMFRANK JUNIORREMEMBER THAT STORY I LEARNED AT YOUR FEETWELL NOW ITS MY TURN, TAKE A SEATTWO LITTLE MICE OF GREAT RENOWNFELL IN SOME MILK AND ONE PROCEEDED TO DROWNTHE OTHER ONES STILL THE TOAST OF THE TOWNCAUSE HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAMHE LOOKED AROUND, DEDUCED HIS PLIGHTSAID THIS IS NO WAY TO SPEND A SATURDAY NIGHT!BUT HE HAD THE STYLE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHTSO HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAMHE KICKED HIS LEGS UPHE TOSSED AND TURNEDSO NOT TO END UP A GHOSTHE DID THE HOKEY-POKEYTILL THE CREAM WAS CHURNEDTHEN BABY, HE WALKED RIGHT OUTAND BUTTERED HIS TOASTNOW HES ON TOP FOR GOODNESS SAKESYEAH, HES THE BIG CHEESE UP AT LAND O LAKESHES LIVING PROOF THAT POP ALL IT TAKESIS A SCHEMESO IF YOU LAND IN THE GUTTERJUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAMFRANK JUNIORYour turn, Dad.FRANK SENIORNahyoure doing great.FRANK JUNIORThis is a duet. Its Frank and Dean. Its not a solo act.FRANK SENIORWell, you know ... there is one you havent told you.FRANK JUNIORReally?FRANK SENIOR.THERE WAS A COCKROACH IN BRAZILGOT DRUNK AT THE LOCAL COFFEE MILLHE THOUGHT HIS TIME WAS UP UNTILHE MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANSWHEN HE CAME TO HE HEARD SUCH A SOUNDMUCH TO HIS SHOCK WHEN HE LOOKED AROUNDHE HAD BEEN SCOOPED AND WAS ABOUT TO BE GROUNDSO, HE MADE COFFEE OUT OF BEANSFRANK SENIOR (CONTD)HE MARCHED TO THE SOUTHAND HE STOMPED TO THE NORTHHE HAD TO RACE AGAINST FATEHE DID THE CUCARACHA WHILE THOSE TEARS POURED FORTHTHEN SEOR, THINGS BEGAN TO PERCOLATEHE HELD HIS BREATH AND SWAM TO THE TOPHE BORROWED BEANS FROM HIS MOM AND POPAND OPENED UP HIS OWN COFFEE SHOPOUT IN QUEENS!WHEN HIS LIGHTS WERE ALMOST OFFHE JUST MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANSFRANK JUNIORLets bring this one home, Dad!FRANK SENIORAll right, Son!BOTHSO THINK OF THOSE TWO WHEN LIFES THE PITSFRANK SENIORTHE BUGFRANK JUNIORAND THE MOUSEBOTHAT THE END OF THEIR WITSTHEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFEIS THAT ITS WHA CHA DREAMSO IF LEMONS CLOG YOUR SINK UPDONT JUST STAND AROUND AND SCREAMSPIKE SOME LEMONADE AND DRINK UPAND MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAMFRANK SENIORJUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAMFRANK JUNIORMAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAMFRANK SENIORI HEAR WHAT YOURE SAYING, SONILL MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM!SONG ENDS

SCENE 11: IDLEWILD AIRPORT MOTEL, ROOM 135_____(Hanratty, Cod, and Dollar inspect a much-used motel room: comic books, junk-food containers, crumpled papers. Branton appears at the door.)BRANTONHanaratty! The manager says he just checked out three hours ago. Was here for almost a week. No forwarding.CODLooks like he left in a hurry.HANRATTYOkay fellows. Impress me.(They begin to pore over the room, opening drawers, lifting cushions, inspecting furniture.)Mister Taylor, real name unknown, left us a goldmine.DOLLAR(holds up a comic book)The Flash. He likes comic books.COD(holds up a pizza box and a jar of peanut butter)He lives on junk food.BRANTON(holds up a Playboy)He has a breast fetish.CODOh my god! It's Hanratty!HANRATTYThat's funny, Cod. That's very funny. I'll make a note to laugh later, when you're dead. Come on, people. What's his next move? What goes on in the mind of an obsessive loner?BRANTONWhy don't you tell us?(Hanratty glares at Branton, then picks up the wastebasket, and dumps the contents on the floor.)HANRATTYA man's secrets are in his trash.(The other agents look at the trash, then at Hanratty.)BRANTONI'll take your word for it.HANRATTY(sighs)Branton, Cod, go canvas the other guests. Dollar, get license plate numbers on every car in the lot. I'll process the room.COD(as the men leave)Right. Say, Hanratty. You ever look at your own garbage?(The other agents go.)HANRATTYNo, no, no. Something doesn't jive here. The Flash? Peanut butter? Maybe he's got a kid?(Hanratty goes to work, picking through the garbage.)All right, Mister Taylor. I know you're in here somewhere.

SONG: THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES___________________HANRATTYA COMIC BOOKA MISS JULYA MATCHBOOK FROM "THE FLAME"SOME CHEWING GUMA MISMATCHED PAIR OF SHOESA LETTER HOMETHAT WASNT MAILEDA CHECK WITHOUT A NAMEYEAH, THEY'LL BE MY GUIDETO THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES(Lights on Frank Junior, in another hotel room, on the phone. A RING. Elsewhere, Jack Barnes and Paula, in night clothes. Paula on the phone.)PAULAHello? Hello? Frankie is that you?JACK BARNESIs it him again?PAULAFrankie?JACK BARNESPaula, give me the phone.PAULAFrankie, are you there?(Frank Junior abruptly hangs up. Paula looks at Jack and shakes her head. Lights fade on all three.)HANRATTYA BOBBY PINTWO BASEBALL CARDSSOME DAY-OLD CHINESE FOODTWO TICKET STUBSTHE RED SOX ALWAYS LOSEA VALENTINETHAT WASNT SENTA SCENT TO SET THE MOODWHEN I TAKE A RIDEWITH THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES(Lights on Frank Junior, in yet another hotel room.)FRANK JUNIORHi Miss Room Service, I'd like to place an order. I know it's lateI just flew in from Ireland. Have you been there? It's so beautifuloh, yeah, sure. I'll hold.(Lights fade on him.)HANRATTYDO NOT DISTURB IS ON THE DOORTHE MAID, SHE NEVER COMESHE LOCKED THE DOORBUT I DON'T NEED A KEYTHERE'S ONLY GARBAGE ON THE FLOORTO OTHERS, THEY'RE JUST CRUMBSTHOSE CRUMBS LOOK LIKEA FIVE-COURSE MEAL TO ME(The other agents return.)BRANTONAnything?HANRATTY(hands him a crumpled sheet of paper)Pan Am stationery.(reads)"As a Pan Am pilot, my family flies for free. The two of you should come out to Los Angeles with me. Maybe then --"(looks up)Unfinished.BRANTONThe two of who?HANRATTYWho knows? But we know he's going to Los Angeles. And so are we.DOLLARFantastic.COD(as he and Branton turn to go)Now that's the best idea he's had yet.BRANTONHe could use the sun. If he were any more pale, he'd be transparent.(The men exit. Hanratty moves to follow, but stops, and returns to the room.)HANRATTYI'VE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVESBUT NEVER AT MY OWNTHE TRAIL I LEFT IS SUCH A DAMN CLICHTHE LONELY WIFE, THE HOUSE FOR SALEA MILLION NIGHTS ALONETO WISH YOU HAD THE THINGS YOU THREW AWAY ...LIKE A FRONT DOOR KEYA HOME COOKED MEALTHE HAPPY BRIDE AND GROOMTHEN LIFE KICKS IN AND MAKES YOU PAY YOUR DUESAND THEN YOU FINDYOU'RE BY YOURSELFIN A SINGLE MOTEL ROOMTHAT'S BEEN OCCUPIED ...BY THE MAN INSIDETHE CLUESTHE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES.-SONG ENDS-SCENE 12: A MOTEL (PATIO AND ROOM) IN LOS ANGELES._____________________________________________Hanratty and men enter the patio with the MOTEL MANAGER. We see Frank, Junior laying on his bed in his room, listening to the radio.RADIO ANNOUNCEMENTKRLA Its currently a summer sixty five degrees here in Los Angeles MOTEL MANAGERHe wrote three checks. They all cleared. I was gonna deposit this one today. I dont want any trouble.HANRATTYThere wont be any trouble. Ill just take this check and be on my way.MOTEL MANAGERGood. I dont want my customers harassed.HANRATTYYou mean hes still here?MOTEL MANAGER(hesitates)Two-oh-one.HANRATTYI take the lead. You guys back me up. Dollar takes the exit.(Hanratty draws his gun. Dollar eagerly follows suit.)Put it away.(Dollar complies, glumly.)If youre good little boys, Ill buy you all a Good Humor bar.MOTEL MANAGERYou said there wouldnt be any trouble.HANRATTYRelax, mister, youll get one, too.(Hanratty proceeds, cautiously, gun drawn, to room 201. The rest exit, in other directions.)(Hanratty bursts in through the door ...)HANRATTYF.B.I.!(... but the room is empty. Hanratty slowly moves in, looking over a bureau and table filled with the implements of forgery. From the bathroom, a FLUSH. Hanratty points his gun.)HANRATTYF.B.I.! Come out with your hands on your head.(Frank Junior calmly emerges from the bathroom. Nods at Hanratty. He's in a different, black suit.)FRANK JUNIORGuy's got a MICR encoder, can you believe that?HANRATTYDont move. Put your hands on your head or Ill shoot.(Frank Junior ignores the gun pointed at him and walks to the desk.)FRANK JUNIORHes got about two hundred checks herea gallon of India ink, drafting gluehe even makes little payroll envelopes addressed to himself from Pan Am.HANRATTYKeep your hands where I can see them.FRANK JUNIORRelax, buddy, youre late. The name's Allen, Barry Allen. And Oh, Im the United States Secret Service. Your man just tried to climb out the windowbut dont worry my partner has caught him. Hes in custody downstairs.HANRATTYWhat are you talking about? Keep your hands on your head.FRANK JUNIORYou think the F.B.I. are the only ones tracking this guy? Hes been dabbling in government checks. Weve been following a paper trail for months. We almost had him in New York, then in a motel outside D.C. near Dulles airport. Would you mind taking that gun out of my face? It makes me nervous.HANRATTYLet me see some identification.FRANK JUNIORHere, take my whole wallet.(tosses him wallet)You want my gun, too?HANRATTYNo, no. Sorry. I I wasnt expecting Secret Service on this.FRANK JUNIORDont worry about it. Whats your name, anyway?HANRATTYHanratty. Carl Hanratty.FRANK JUNIORYou mind if I see some ID, Carl?HANRATTYSure, Sir.FRANK JUNIORSCant be too careful these days.HANRATTYSure, sorry. Im just a little (Hanratty indicates nerves with his hands.)Here. Right here. (Hanratty hands Frank Junior his business card)FRANK JUNIORTough luck, Carl. Five minutes earlier and you would have got him by yourself.HANRATTYThats okay, ten seconds later you would have been shot.(They laugh, then stop laughing. Frank Junior goes to a pitcher of water and pours himself a drink and only we can see he's trembling.)Hey, let me ask you something. What does he look like, I wonder?FRANK JUNIORHe's um.. a handsome son of a bitch.HANRATTYYeah? I had him figured for an older guy.FRANK JUNIORHe is pretty damn old. He must be your age at least.HANRATTYOkay. I asked for that one!FRANK JUNIORJust do me a favor. Sit tight a minute while I get some of this evidence downstairs. I dont want anyway walking through my crime scene.HANRATTYSure.(Frank Junior picks up the MICR machine and heads for the door.)FRANK JUNIORYou know, some maid comes in here and starts making the bed. I hate when that happens.HANRATTYWait.FRANK JUNIOR(freezes, turns)What?HANRATTYYour wallet.FRANK JUNIORHang on to it till I come back for the rest of the stuff. I trust you.HANRATTYYou shouldnt. That was a joke.FRANK JUNIORYou got me, Carl.(Frank Junior smiles at him and goes.)HANRATTYNice guy.(unable to contain himself)We got him!(He does a little victory dance.)I love my job. I love it, I love it, I love it.(He stops. Thinks a minute. Opens the wallet. Fingers through the ID cards within.)Frank Taylor. Frank Black. Frank Williams. Frank Fuck!(The other three agents rush into the room.)CODWhere is he?HANRATTYI had him. He was right there!BRANTONWhat are you talking about?HANRATTYI let him convince me he was someone else. Barry Allen from the Secret Service.DOLLARBarry Allen? The Flash?HANRATTYWhat?DOLLARBarry Allen is the alter ego of the Flash.HANRATTYOh, Jesus Christ.DOLLARWe all make mistakes, sir, it happens to the best of us.HANRATTYNot to me. Not to me.(Lights. Frank Junior in a spot. To us.)FRANK JUNIORThat was close, wasn't it? Misdirection. Maintain eye contact. Keep talking.(He shrugs.)Mister Hanratty and his men caught the next plane back to DC. And I ... I caught the one after that. I don't knowwhy. I guess I always wanted to see our nation's capital at Christmas. The best time of the year.

SCENE 13: A HOTEL ROOM AND THE FBI BUILDING, BOTH WASHINGTON, DC______________________________SONG: CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (PARTY VERSION)(The Stewardesses and Pilots party as Frank Junior looks on.)PARTYGOERSANGELS SING, THE SOUNDS SUBLIMELISTEN TO THOSE CHURCH BELLS CHIMECHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR(A few of the Stewardesses approach Frank Junior.)LINDYWhats the matter, honey?CINDYYou look pooped!MINDYYou need a good long layover.FRANK JUNIORI'm just going to get some air.(Frank Junior struggles to extricate himself and get offstage to get his letter jacket on.)(The Stewardesses and Pilots dance off as we TRANISTION TO Hanratty's office. He's poring over documents with a loupe. Branton enters.)BRANTONHanratty, come on. It's Christmas Eve. You're not going to redeem yourself with the boys upstairs by having a miserable holiday.HANRATTYYou're wrong.(checks his watch without looking up)It's not Christmas Eve. It's Christmas.BRANTONYou want me to stay?HANRATTYNo. You've got kids. Go home.BRANTONMerry Christmas, Hanratty(He goes. Hanratty's phone RINGS. He picks up.)HANRATTYThis is Hanratty. Merry Christmas.(Lights on Frank Junior at a pay phone.)

FRANK JUNIORHello, Carl.HANRATTYWho is this?FRANK JUNIORIve been trying to track you down. Merry Christmas.HANRATTYBarry Allen, Secret Service! What do you want?FRANK JUNIORI want to apologize for what happened out in Los Angeles.HANRATTYYeah? Screw you.FRANK JUNIORCarl, Im sorry if I made a fool out of you.HANRATTYGoddamn it, you don't feel sorry for me. The fact is, I knew it was you. I did. Maybe I didnt pull the trigger but Iknew.FRANK JUNIORPeople only know what you tell them.HANRATTYThen tell me something: how did you know I wouldnt look in your wallet?FRANK JUNIORI didnt.HANRATTYYoure gonna get caught, you know that, dont you? One way or another. Just like Vegasthe house always wins.FRANK JUNIORI didnt think Id get you in. Its Christmas. I thought maybe you had a family?HANRATTYNo. No family.FRANK JUNIORMe either.SONG: MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEARHANRATTYYEAH, DONTCHA LOVE THE YULETIDE FUNTHERES JOY AND CHEER FOR EVERYONEI WAIT FOR SANTA WITH A GUNYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEARFRANK JUNIORSOME SUGAR PLUMS I HAVENT KISSEDBUT MISTLETOE I MUST RESISTCAUSE IM ON ST. CARLS MOST WANTED LISTBOTHYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR(Lights on Frank Senior and Paula, separately.)HANRATTY, FRANK JR, FRANK SR, PAULAAND THERES A HOMEWHERE YOU CANT GOAND THERES A LIFE THATS FULL OF LOVEYOU USED TO KNOWHANRATTYFOR ME ITS TRUEFRANK SENIORBUT KID, NOT YOUPAULACAUSE YOUR FAMILYS HEREFRANK SENIOR & PAULAYEAH, THEYRE STILL YOURS TO HOLDIF YOU FRANK SENIOR & PAULA & HANRATTYCOME IN FROM THE COLD(Lights fade on Frank Senior and Paula.)HANRATTYSO, IF TOMORROW SANTAS FLOWNTHE TREE IS DOWN AND YOURE ALONEI'M ALWAYS HERE, RIGHT BY THE PHONEFRANK JUNIOR & HANRATTYYES CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEARHANRATTYWait a minute. Wait a minute. You didnt call me to apologize, did you?FRANK JUNIORWhat do you mean?HANRATTYYouve got no one else to talk to.FRANK JUNIOR(half beat)I have to go.HANRATTYFrank! Wait!(Frank Junior almost hangs up the phone. But stops. While Hanratty waits on the other end of the phone, Frank Junior covers the mouthpiece and turns to us.)FRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty was right. It was a lonely life. But I was about to meet someone, and she was gonna change everything. Everything.(Lights on Brenda. She stops and looks in our direction, dreaming.)But right now ... Tonight ...HANRATTYFrank?(Brenda fades. Frank Junior turns back to the phone.)FRANK JUNIORI'm still here.HANRATTYSooner or later you'll get tired of running.FRANK JUNIORSooner or later you'll get tired of chasing me.HANRATTYNo I won't.FRANK JUNIORLook out the window.HANRATTYWhy?FRANK JUNIORJust do it.(He sings.)ILL CALL YOU SOON, BUT WHO KNOWS WHENHANRATTYAND, FRANK, I HOPE WELL MEET AGAINLIKE WHEN YOURE SERVING EIGHT TO TENBOTHYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR(Hanratty sees Frank Junior in the pay phone booth. Frank Junior jumps off the stage and disappears up the aisle of the theatre.)HANRATTY(to himself)Hes a kid.(to us)Hes a kid.-SONG ENDS-

END OF ACT ONE

2ACT TWO_________________________________________SCENE 1: THE FBI BUILDING, WASHINGTON, DC________(As the Entre' Acte ends, we see Hanratty and his three men, huddled in a hallway.)HANRATTYLook, it's simple. We know he's a kid. We find out who's responsible for the kid. So we check out every runaway teen and missing student in the tri-state area over the past three years. I pulled a list from the mainframe.(He pulls out a sheet of paper, which just keeps coming.)We just go to each address and ask to see a family photo.DOLLAR (voice over)How long will that take?HANRATTYAs long as it takes. Let's go, men.(Hanratty exits, the long list trailing behind him. The men follow. The last agent stays behind, whipping off his fedora and RayBans to reveal ... ... Frank Junior. He waves.)FRANK JUNIORGood luck with that!Poor Agent Hanratty. I think that's gonna take a while. My career as a pilot was pretty much done, and I'd wrung out every bank in the Northeast, so it was time for me to lay low for a while, live off my savings. I moved to the Riverbend Apartments in Atlanta, Georgia, a real nice complex, full of professionals, the perfect place to keep things quiet.(PARTY DOCTORS and NURSES enter at a stumbling run, drinks in hand.)ALL PARTY DOCTORS + NURSESWoo-hoo!FRANK JUNIOROf course, a few years later, Riverbend would be written up in Playboy as the address for swinging singles. But for right now, I just had to keep a low profile. No more cons, no more high living, no more lies.(The PARTY DOCTOR approaches Frank Junior as we CONTINUE TO:)

SCENE 2: THE RIVERBEND APARTMENTS AND ATLANTA GENERAL HOSPITAL, ATLANTA_____________(The PARTY DOCTOR throws an arm around him.)PARTY DOCTORSo, Frank, what brings you to the Riverbend complex? I thought it was just us doctors and nurses here.FRANK JUNIOR(works the problem)Oh. Well. You know. I'm a doctor.(Frank Junior shoots us a despairing look. Why do I do this every time?)PARTY DOCTORWhat do you do, surgery? Orthopedics?FRANK JUNIORPediatrics?PARTY DOCTORSnot-nosed little kids? You can have 'em. Listen, I'll find out if there's anything open down at Atlanta General. Be great to have you there!(He goes.)FRANK JUNIOROh, no, thank you, I ...(Frank Junior turns to us.)What am I doing? I can't be a doctor. Why do I do this every time?(MUSIC. The NURSES rise into view, sexy legs first. Frank Junior looks at them ... )Oh yeah.(... then back to us.)Ladies and gentlemennurses.(The NURSES seduce Frank Junior into the medical professiondressing him as a doctor in the process.)SONG: DOCTOR'S ORDERSNURSEHEY DOCTOR, ARE YOU ON CALL?I'M NOT FEELING SO WELL AT ALLI KEPT THINKING ABOUT YAAS I COULD NOT SLEEP A WINK LAST NIGHTNURSEI TOSSED AND TURNED THE WHOLE NIGHT LONGKEPT FEELING LIKE SOMETHING'S WRONGI NEED A CHECKUPTO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL RIGHTALL NURSESSO I ...NURSEMADE THIS APPOINTMENTNURSEAND I CLEARED YOUR AFTERNOONALL NURSESYES, I ...NURSENEED ME A LITTLE "T.L.C."THREE NURSESAND I GOTTA GET SOME SOON ...ALL NURSESLET ME TELL YA THATNURSEMAYBE I NEVER LISTENED GOODI NEVER DID THE THINGS I SHOULDBUT I'M READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS!NURSEBABY, I NEVER FELT SO BADI NEED SOMETHING I NEVER HADAND I'M READY ...TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS!ALL NURSESOOH OOH ...(The Nurses leave him, the last one handing him a remote.)

(He's joined by DOCTOR WANAMAKER. Slightly doddering, he's the head of Atlanta General. He's inspecting a parchment document.)DOCTOR WANAMAKERHarvard University! Very impressive, Doctor Connors. And you actually brought in your diploma.FRANK JUNIOR(to us)Haha well. (shout whisper) Act Two is brought to you by parchment paper, calligraphy, and press-on-letters.DOCTOR WANAMAKERAnd we also have your recommendation from Death Valley Children's Hospital. Doctor ... Hanratty?FRANK JUNIORHes my mentor.DOCTOR WANAMAKERYou're just the perfect candidate.FRANK JUNIORI should mention, the sight of blood makes me vomit.(Wanamaker laughs. Frank Junior laughs. Frank Junior stops laughing and gives us a panicked look.)No, seriously.DOCTOR WANAMAKERAt the moment, the only thing open is overnight ER supervisor. Beneath a doctor of your qualifications, and you'd primarily be supervising residents and interns, so you wouldn't get much real patient contactFRANK JUNIORI'll take it.DOCTOR WANAMAKERAll right then. Welcome aboard.(He goes, and the nurses come back.)NURSE + NURSESMAYBE I NEED YOUR REMEDY OOH OOH ...DOC, IT'S AN EMERGENCYAND I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERSNURSE NURSESBABY I NEED THE ANTIDOTE OOH OOH ...YOU'RE HIDING UNDER THATWHITE LAB COATYES I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERS(BRENDA pushes her way through the passel of sexy nurses)BRENDADoctor Conners! Doctor Conners!(Frank Junior turns and sees her andFRANK JUNIORAnd there she wasin the middle of all those glamazons ... she was real. The minute I saw her, I knew. she was the one. And it didnt hurt that she was the best nurse there. I needed the help.(Two interns enter, pushing a gurney. Brenda lifts the bloody sheet.)BRENDADoctor Conners! MVA, car versus bike. Should we set it or get a surgical consult?FRANK JUNIOR(Caseyesqueshowing off for her)Let's not jump to any conclusions, Nurse Strong. We'll run every test we can.BRENDA(leading him to water)Okay, Doctor Conners, butINTERN(interrupting, lifts sheet)Hes got a bone sticking out of his leg.FRANK JUNIOR(struggling not to lose it)Yes ... Doctor ... I, uh ... I ... concur! I concur! Just go! Go!BRENDAYou heard him! Go! Go!(She ushers them out as Frank Junior recovers, and pursues her.)FRANK JUNIORWait! Nurse! Not you!(He tries to follow, but the Sexy Nurses return to block his way.)NURSESOOH-OOH-OOHOOH-OOH-OOHAH-AHNURSE + NURSES AND DOCTORSI KNOW WHAT THEY SAY AHH ...ABOUT AN APPLE A DAYTO BE THE STRONGEST GAL IN TOWN OOH ...BUT IF AN APPLE A DAYKEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY OOH ...I'M GONNA BURN THAT I'M GONNA BURNORCHARD DOWN! THAT ORCHARD DOWNNURSEBABY DON'T STOP UNTIL I'M HEALEDOOH OOH ...I'VE GOT BLUE CROSSAND I'VE GOT BLUE SHIELDAND I'M READYREADYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERSDOCTOR'S ORDERSNURSEBABY, TAKE OUT THAT STETHOSCOPEYOU MAY BE MY ONLY HOPESO I'M READYREADYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERSALL NURSES ALL MENTALKING BOUT WHAM-BAMHOTDAMN DAMNNURSE NURSESOXYGEN PLEASE,CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH OOH OOH ...DOCTOR YOU GOT THE KISS OF DEATHNURSES ENSEMBLEAND I'M READYREADYREADYREADYCOME ON, LET'S ROCK STEADY COME ON, LET'S ROCK STEADYALL'CAUSE I'M READY ...FOR DOCTOR'S ORDERS!WOO! -SONG ENDS-(The doctors and nurses exit. Frank Junior grabs some shut-eye on a gurney. Brenda enters.)BRENDADoctor Conners? Doctor Conners?FRANK JUNIOR(wakes with a start)Oh, I was ... uh ... I havent been getting much sleep at the apartment these days.BRENDADoctor Conners, do you know which patient gets the O-Negative?(She holds up a blood bag, dark red in translucent plastic. Frank Junior takes one look and turns and clutches his stomach, groaning.)Doctor?(A nurse strides through.)NURSEO-negative! O-negative! Whos got the O-negative?(Brenda holds it up and the nurse grabs it.)BRENDAAre you okay?FRANK JUNIORSorry ... just some bad tuna...at the cafeteria.BRENDAIs there anything I can do?FRANK JUNIORYou could have coffee with me.BRENDABut their coffees worse than the tuna. Oh! You mean have a cup of coffee in a social way.FRANK JUNIORI guess I do. I've tried to start a conversation with you four times a day for eleven days and youve barely even said hello. Is it me?BRENDAIm so sorry, Doctor Conners. Hello.FRANK JUNIORHello.BRENDA(half beat)Goodbye.(She moves to go.)FRANK JUNIORNurse Strong!BRENDAIm sorry, sir. They don't like us to fraternize with the doctors.FRANK JUNIORPretend I'm not a doctor. Pretend Im a pilot. Or an astronaut.BRENDAOh, I dont think I could see you as a pilot. A playboy maybe.FRANK JUNIORIm not really in to all that Riverbend madness. Its just ... sort of a part I play.BRENDASo youre not really a skirt-chasing party animal, you just want people to think you are?FRANK JUNIORWell, yeah. I mean, no. I meanwait.BRENDAGood day, Doctor Conners.FRANK JUNIORYoure very serious.BRENDAIm just trying to do a good job, sir. Im the youngest nurse here.FRANK JUNIORIm the youngest doctor here. And youre the best nurse we have.BRENDAOh, no, no one ever listens to me. Theyre all so confident and sure of themselves and ... tall.FRANK JUNIORIf you want them to listen, you just have to sound like you know what you're talking about. Act like you have confidence, and pretty soon you will. Act like you're not afraid, and you won't be. Okay?BRENDA(smiles)Okay.FRANK JUNIORHeythere's a smile.(Two Interns enter at a run, with a gurney.)BRENDAThank you. Doctor Conners.FRANK JUNIORCall me Frank.BRENDAOkay. Frank.(a moment, then she remembers:)Oh! Surgery!(She hurries off. Frank Junior watches her go. MUSIC. He sings.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (REPRISE)FRANK JUNIORLIVE IN LIVING COLORNOW THE PICTURE SEEMS SO CLEARSHE'S ALIVE IN LIVING COLORSO EXCUSE ME WHILE I DISAPPEAR ...(Hanratty appears opposite, watching him.)HANRATTYSooner or later, they always make a mistake.FRANK JUNIORBrenda wasn't a mistake.HANRATTYSooner or laterFRANK JUNIOR(abruptly turns to us)Meanwhile, it's taking Agent Hanratty a really really long time to visit the house of every single runaway[in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.]HANRATTY(also to us)Actually, we cracked it pretty quicklyFRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty. It's my show.HANRATTYI interviewed your parents. You weren't there. You were busy with Brenda. Maybe this part is my show.FRANK JUNIORAll right. Fine.HANRATTYSort of a ... film noir ... type of thing. Phillip Marlowe.FRANK JUNIORSure.(Frank Junior gestures: Have at it. And waits. Hanratty turns to us.)HANRATTYIt was hot, even for August. So hot my ass was sticking to the seat of my car like a fly on paper and my suit was my own personal sauna.But not as hot as the woman I was about to interview. She gave new meaning to the words femme fatale. Too bad she was some poor kids mother.(MUSIC. Paula enters, a few years older, with three handsome DANCING BOYS. Hanratty will become the fourth.)FRANK JUNIORLadies and Gentlemen, Paula Abagnale and the Abagnale Dancers perform "Dancing Around the Subject".

SCENE 3: THE BARNES HOUSE AND A BAR, NEW ROCHELLE___________________________________________PAULAI havent seen Frankie, since he ran away.I ALWAYS KNEW ID SEE THIS DAYI CANT SAY ITS A SHOCKWHATS THAT EXPRESSION? QUEST-CE QUE CEST?HES A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCKBUT IF YOU SEE HIMPLEASE PASS ON THIS PLEADONT BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR MEHANRATTYIf I could just look at a photo ...PAULAI don't have a recent one. Here ... his junior class yearbook ...(One of the Handsome Dancing Men hands her the yearbook. She opens the book up, and Hanratty grabs it.)HANRATTYThat's him. Heavens to Betsy, that's him.(reads from yearbook)Class Treasurer?PAULAIs Frankie in some sort of trouble?HANRATTYMa'am, your son's in a great deal of trouble. He has been passing bad checks, forging government documentsPAULAWell? So? Half of the kids his age are on dope but instead you chase after Frankie because he made a little mistake? Tant pis. Tell me how much he owes, I'll write you a checkHANRATTYSo far it's one-point-four million dollars.PAULACe n'est pas possible.HANRATTYOh, it's possible. Unlikely, but possible.PAULAIt sounds like Frankies good at this.HANRATTYYes. If you wanted to raise a crook, you should be very proud.PAULAMY FRANKIE HAD A CLEVER MINDHE COULD SPEND HOURS ALL ALONEI WOULDNT HAVE BEEN SURPRISED TO FINDHE CHANGED HIS DIAPER ON HIS OWNCOULD I HAVE BEEN THERE MORE?WELL, CEST LA VIEDONT BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR MEHANRATTYYou haven't heard from him since you left your husband?PAULAI'm to blame. Is that what you're saying?HANRATTYI don't do blame, ma'am. I just catch the bad guys.PAULATHOUGH I TRIED, I COULDN'T HIDEWHEN LOVE HAD FLOWN AWAYCHILDREN CLOSE THEIR EYESBUT STILL THEY SEEI TOOK A CHANCE, A NEW ROMANCEIS IT A CRIME TO SAYI MADE A CHOICEAND CHOSE WHAT'S BEST FOR MEHANRATTYWhere might I locate your son?PAULAAsk his father. He says Frankie writes to him.HANRATTYAnd would I find his father?PAULACheck the bars in town.HANRATTYOkay then.(Split scene: The Barnes living room splits the stage with a divebar, Frank Senior on a barstool. Paula continues to dance with the THREE ATTRACTIVE MEN in the background.)FRANK SENIORI GUESS TO YOU I SEEM A SCHMUCKWELL, I'LL JUST BIDE MY TIMEPAULAIN LOVE, ALL'S FAIRFRANK SENIOR'CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT LADY LUCKCAN STILL TURN ON A DIMEPAULACOMME A LA GUERREFRANK SENIORAND MAYBE ONEWILL ONCE AGAIN BE THREEPAULAC'EST C'QUE J'AI TOUJOURS DITFRANK SENIORDON'T BE A STRANGERTELL THEM THAT FOR MEPAULADON'T BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR MEBOTH(NO) DON'T BE A STRANGERTELL HIM (THEM) THAT FOR ME.-SONG ENDS-

HANRATTYDo you have any idea where your child is?FRANK SENIORHe's always in the air. He's a pilot for Pan Am! What a life!HANRATTYYour son isnt a pilot with anyone, Mister Abagnale. He never was. Your son is a counterfeiter and a con man.FRANK SENIORI knew that. I just wanted to see what you knew.(looks Hanratty over)You expect a father to give up his son.HANRATTYYes, I do. I expect a father to do that. Now listen to me, Mister Abagnale. People get shot in my line of work. Real guns. Real bullets. Id like to bring him in alive.FRANK SENIOROkay. Here's the truth.(waves an envelope)Got a letter from him just today. He signed up. He's over in Nam, serving his country.HANRATTYCan I see that letter?FRANK SENIOR(shakes his head, puts letter away)No return address. He's in country, risking his life for you and me. Not a bad way to leave his troubles behind, I'd say. He got out of the game at just the right time.HANRATTYThe game?FRANK SENIORYou know, the game. Don't let the bastards get the best of you. Look out for yourself, when the banks and the government and the big boys try to rob you blind.HANRATTYIs that what you taught your son?FRANK SENIORA man should go after what he wants in life.HANRATTYA man should face up to what he's done.(The BARTENDER turns to pour for themand it's Frank Junior.)FRANK JUNIORThese two need some music.(MUSIC.)A saloon song for two lonely souls. What could they possibly have in common? Oh yeah. Me.(He smiles and exits as Hanratty and Frank Senior turn back downstage. Frank Junior quietly replaced by the regular BARTENDER.)HANRATTYMister Abagnale.FRANK SENIORPleaseFrank.HANRATTYFrank. Your kid needs you now.FRANK SENIORWhat can I possibly do for him that he can't do better for himself?HANRATTYYou can tell him to come in. You can tell him to stop. You might be the only one who can.FRANK SENIORThen I think we're all in a lot of trouble, Carl. Hell, the kid used to see me as Dean Martin, Jesus Christ, and JFK all rolled into one. I couldn't live up to that. I did the best I could. I told him I loved himevery day.HANRATTYMaybe you should've told him not to commit grand larceny.FRANK SENIORWay of the world, Carl. Our fathers screw us up, we turn around and do the same to our kids. It's the eternal cycle.HANRATTYUntil someone breaks it.

SONG: LITTLE BOY, BE A MANFRANK SENIORLITTLE BOY, BE A MANYEAH, THAT WAS POP'S ONLY PLANHE NEVER KISSED MEOR SANG "BABY MINE"SURE, I'D HAVE LOVED A HUGBUT HEY, I CAME OUT JUST FINEAND IF I EVER WOULD CRYHE'D SMACK THE TEAR FROM OUT MY EYEHE TOLD ME "GROW UP, KID, YOU'RE NO PETER PAN.LITTLE BOY, BE A MAN."HANRATTYBut you want to do your kid better, right?FRANK SENIORYou got any kids, Carl?HANRATTYI do not.FRANK SENIORThen what the hell do you know about it? I suppose your father was a prince.HANRATTYYeah. Of darkness.FRANK SENIORHah!HANRATTYLITTLE MAN, GROW SOME BALLSFRANK SENIOROh, he did not.HANRATTYI swear to God. Every single day.THAT MOTTO RANG THROUGHOUT THE HALLSON MY TENTH BIRTHDAYHE SHOWED ME A GUNTHEN TOOK ME TO THE CORNFIELDSAND SAID "OKAY ... RUN!"HIS SENSE OF HUMOR WAS LAMEFRANK SENIORLike father, like son.HANRATTYLUCKY FOR ME, SO WAS HIS AIM!IF HE HAD SEWN SOME NEEDLEPOINTTHAT HUNG ON THE WALLS(IT WOULDA SAID) LITTLE MAN, GROW SOME BALLSBOTHBALLGAMES THAT HE MISSEDNIGHTS HE CAME HOME PISSEDWELL, I DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT ANY LONGERHANRATTYNO ONE IN THE BLEACHERSFRANK SENIORFISTFIGHTS WITH MY TEACHERSBOTHI'M LIVING PROOF WHAT DOESN'T KILL YAMAKES YA STRONGER!HANRATTYSo what do you say we set the kid straight, huh Frank?FRANK SENIOR(thickly)Aw, the kid's great.(pulls the envelope out, waves it)A pilot! Serving his country!(slaps the envelope on the bar)He's doin' fine.HANRATTYYou're sure about that?FRANK SENIORYa gotta let go, Carl. Can't hold on forever.(he sings)LITTLE MAN, LITTLE METHEY COME WITH NO WARRANTYI TRIED TO FIX ITBUT WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSEDBOTHIT'S HARD TO SAY BUT FATHER DOESN'T ALWAYS KNOW BESTFRANK SENIORSO CARL, WHEN YOU HAVE A KIDHANRATTYMY EX SAID HEAVEN FORBIDFRANK SENIORDO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DIDBOTHLIKE DAD AFTER DAD AFTER DAD AFTER DADSINCE THE WHOLE MESS BEGANFRANK SENIORYOU DO THE BEST YOU CANHANRATTYLITTLE BOY, BE A MAN-SONG ENDS-(Hanratty watches Frank Senior waver, sit hard, and pass out cold, head on the bar. Music switches to MAN INSIDE THE CLUES Hanratty picks up the letter. Checks the return address. Slaps it against his hand.)BARTENDERAnything else for ya?HANRATTYPayphone? I need to get to Atlanta.(pulls out a few bills)Make sure he gets home, okay?BARTENDERBuddy, he is home.(MUSIC. Hanratty steps outside the bar.)

SONG: MAN INSIDE THE CLUES (REPRISE)HANRATTYIVE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVESBUT NEVER GOT THIS CLOSETHE DISTANCE MADE IT EASIER TO SEEI LIKE TO DO THE JOB AT HANDAND THEN ITS ADIOSBUT HERES A CASE THATS GOT THE BEST OF MEAN ENVELOPEWITH HIS ADDRESSA BRAND NEW SET OF TRACKSLEADING TO A KID WITH NO ROADS LEFT TO CHOOSETHERES NO ONE LEFT TO SAVE THE DAYITS TIME TO FACE THE FACTSSO ILL TAKE THAT RIDETO THE BOY INSIDE THE CLUES(He goes. TRANSITION TO ... )

SCENE 4: ATLANTA GENERAL HOSPITAL______________INTERCOMCode Blue. Code Blue! Party in the I.C.U.(Frank Junior emerges from the covers.)FRANK JUNIORBrenda. (She groans.) Brenda come on. Its okay.(Brenda emerges.)BRENDAIm sorry, Frank. I want to. I justIm not ready.FRANK JUNIORBrenda, its okayI can wait. Id wait forever for you. I mean, it took a month just to get you to talk to me.BRENDAI didnt mean to be rude.FRANK JUNIORNo, its fineI love a challenge.BRENDABut why me, Frank? You could have any nurse here. You know girls from everywhere. You've been to Paris, and Italy, and think of all the beautiful women there must be in Germany. Why me?FRANK JUNIORBecause ... I love that youre good at your job and that you work hard. I love that I can be myself around you. I love that I can ask you anything, like ... why'd you leave New Orleans?BRENDA(turns away)Oh. No reason. WellI sort of ran away.FRANK JUNIORYou ran away! Wow. Why would you do something like that?BRENDAI was engaged. To be married. He was the son of my fathers law partner, and he wasnt very nice to me, and on the morning of my wedding day I looked at myself in my dress and I realized I didnt want to marry him. And so I left. Home. And I havent been back since.FRANK JUNIORBrenda. I'm sorry.(reaches for her)You know I'll never hurt you.BRENDAYou say that now. But we have nothing in common.FRANK JUNIORI think we have more than you know.BRENDABut youre the Harvard graduate world traveler and I'm just ... ordinary.FRANK JUNIOROrdinary is beautiful. I don't need Paris. I don't need a fancy restaurant or a huge orchestra(He sneaks a look to the bandstand.)just some subtle orchestrations. (MUSIC.)All that other stuff was just what I found along way ... while I was looking for you.(Frank sings.)SONG: SEVEN WONDERSFRANK JUNIORI'VE SEEN THE SEVEN WONDERSIF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEWBUT ALL THEM SEVEN WONDERSWELL, THEY CAN'T COMPARE TO YOUI'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACESYES, I'VE TRAVELED NEAR AND FARBUT NOW I KNOWTHAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARENIAGARA FALLS?A LEAKY FAUCET THAT A PLUMBER OUGHTA FIXTHE PYRAMIDS?ARE REALLY JUST A DUSTY PILE OF BRICKS.THE TAJ MAHAL?A FIXER-UPPER.THE GRAND CANYON?JUST A HOLE.THE GRAND CANAL IN VENICE?AN EYE-TALIAN TOILET BOWL.I'VE SEEN THE SEVEN WONDERSIF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEWBUT ALL THEM SEVEN WONDERSWELL, THEY CAN'T COMPARE TO YOUI'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACESYES, I'VE TRAVELED NEAR AND FARBUT NOW I KNOWTHAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE.BRENDATHE AURORA BOREALIS?FRANK JUNIORJUST A NIGHT LIGHT ON THE FRITZBRENDASTONEHENGE?FRANK JUNIORJUST A BUNCH OF ROCKSBRENDALA BREA'S TAR?FRANK JUNIORTHE PITS.BRENDAHOW 'BOUT THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA?FRANK JUNIORLOOKS LIKE SOMETHING UP AND BROKE.BRENDAMOUNT RUSHMORE?FRANK JUNIORSOMEONE CLIMB UP THERE AND TELL THEM BOYS A JOKE!FRANK JUNIOR + BRENDAYES, MY TRAVELIN' DAYS ARE OVERGET THE CHECK, I'LL PAY THE BILL'CAUSE I SEE ALL THE WONDERSIN YOUR EYES, JUST STANDING STILL.FRANK JUNIORDo you think you could go home again ... if you were engaged?BRENDACome on, Frank. Don't tease me.FRANK JUNIORWe could go to your parents, tell them we're in love.BRENDAMy father is very intimidating. You'll change your mind.FRANK JUNIORI won't. We can run away tonight.BRENDAWe can't just run away. You're the overnight ER supervisor.FRANK JUNIORThe clock's ticking, Brenda. I can'tI don't want to be a doctor forever. I want to make a home with you.(sings)I'VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACESBUT I'VE LEARNED NOW NEAR AND FARTHERE'S NO NEED TO ROAM'CAUSE HOME IS WHERE YOU AREBRENDATHERE'S NO NEED TO ROAM'CAUSE HOME IS WHERE YOU AREFRANK JUNIORYES, NOW I KNOWFRANK JUNIOR + BRENDATHAT HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE.-SONG ENDS-

(As they ride off stage on their respective gurneys, Frank Junior speaks to us.)FRANK JUNIORWhile Brenda and I go get dressed, and catch the train to Nawlins, fast forward a few weeks for a little segment I like to call "Frank's on First."

SCENE 5: HOSPITAL CORRIDOR, A COUPLE WEEKS LATER________________________________________________(MUSIC. Lights on Hanratty, Branton, Cod, and Dollar with Doctor Wanamaker.)HANRATTYDoctor, we're looking for a man who goes by the names of Frank Abagnale, Frank William Abagnale, Frank Taylor, Frank Williams, William Franklin, and William Franklin Williams.WANAMAKERThat's a lot of names.HANRATTY(to quick head shakes from Wanamaker)What about Robert Franklin? Frank Thompson? Frank Meyers? Meyer Williams? William Robertson?WANAMAKERRobert Wilson?DOLLARRobert Williamson.HANRATTYWilliam Robertson.WANAMAKERWilson Robertson?DOLLARRobert Wilkinson?HANRATTYShut up, Dollar.(Branton pulls out a picture of Frank Junior)BRANTONHave you seen a man who looked like this?WANAMAKERMaybe ... But that man's a pilot.HANRATTYHe's not a pilot.WANAMAKERHe looks like a pilot.HANRATTYHe's not a pilot.WANAMAKERSo is he a doctor?HANRATTYWaithe's a doctor?WANAMAKERAre you asking me or telling me?HANRATTYDid he say he's a doctor?WANAMAKERSon, do you have any idea who you're looking for?(Branton pulls out another photo)BRANTONFrank William Abagnale Junior.DOLLARA.K.A. Frank Williams, Frank Taylor, FrankHANRATTYShut up, Dollar.WANAMAKERYou know, we did have a Frank Conners.CODFrank Collins?WANAMAKERFrank Conners.CODFrank Conners.HANRATTYSo who's Frank Collins?WANAMAKERYou tell me, I don't know.DOLLARI knew a Frank Collins in high school.HANRATTY + COD +BRANTON + WANAMAKERShut up, Dollar.DOLLARJeez.HANRATTYFrank Conners. Looked like this?WANAMAKERWithout the uniform. Ran off with a nurse. Brenda something. Don't know where. Too badgood doctor. Turned in all his paperwork on time.HANRATTYYou let this man operate on patients?WANAMAKEROh, no. He just supervised the ER.HANRATTYFor the love ofDoc, you ever go in to take out someones appendix and come out with something else?WANAMAKEROnce or twice. Why?HANRATTYLet's go.(Hanratty and men leave. MUSIC: A vaudeville out. Lights change. Brenda stands nervously in a spot, as if looking into the camera. Frank Junior is behind her, supportively.)FRANK JUNIORGo ahead. Now.BRENDAAnd now, introducing the newest feature on our show, at home with the Strong family!(turns to Frank Junior)Are you sure you're ready for this?FRANK JUNIORI was born ready.(He gives her a little nudge, and she runs to the dining room. Frank Junior continues presenting as each Strong enters in turn, and stands by the dining room table, in tableau.)FRANK JUNIOR(to us)Introducing our newest young star, Brenda Strong. And featuring the lovely, witty, refined, and unique Mrs. Carol Strong. And the cultured, brilliant, and incredibly intimidating future father-in-law, Roger Strong ...(he crosses to join the Strongs, with some dread, on:)... District Attorney.

SCENE 6: THE STRONG HOUSE, NEW ORLEANS_________(The tableau comes to life as all take their seats for dinner. We pick up the scene in progress.)ROGERAnd before Atlanta, you were in California?FRANK JUNIORYes, sir. Death Valley Children's Hospital.ROGERThey have a Children's Hospital in Death Valley?FRANK JUNIORYes, sir. Right behind the Macys.CAROLWell goddamn and gumbo, Brenda, I think you landed one this time. Much better than that ratty little Delacroix boy.This one's a hunky hunk of you-betcha.BRENDAMother.ROGERDoctor Conners. Do you come from a large family?FRANK JUNIORPlease, sir, call me Frank. I'm an only child, but I hope to have lots of kids. Family is the most important thing.CAROLDing ding! Correct answer. But now for the make-or-break round. Don't lie to me, now. Are you a Lutheran?FRANK JUNIORWhy, yes, I am a Lutheran.ROGERWell then, Frank, would you like to say grace?(off Frank Junior's hesitation:)Unless you're not comfortable.FRANK JUNIOROh, no, absolutely.(folds hands, bows head, thinks)Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned but the second mouse, he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and walked out. Amen.ROGER + BRENDAAmen.CAROLAmen and goddamn that was beautiful. Where did you learn that, you pious piece of cutie-pie?FRANK JUNIORThe, ah, First Lutheran Church of Death Valley.ROGERFrank, have you decided which hospital you want to work at here in New Orleans?FRANK JUNIORWell, to be quite honest, Ive been thinking about getting back into law.ROGERAre you a doctor or a lawyer?FRANK JUNIORBefore I went to medical school, I passed the bar in California. I practiced law for a year, then I decided, why not try my hand at pediatrics?BRENDAWell, arent you full of surprises.FRANK JUNIOR(a look to us: he's surprised himself)Yes I am.CAROLSakes alive, the yummy Yankee is a doctor and a lawyer! Oh, Brenda, darlin', you got yourself magic on a stick with this one!ROGERWhere did you go to law school? Harvard, Yale, Columbia ... ?FRANK JUNIORBerkeley.BRENDA + CAROLBerkeley!BRENDAThat's where daddy went!FRANK JUNIOROh! Wow. Fantastic.CAROLOh my saints and stars, Roger, Frank should work for you. You're always bellyachin' about how hard it is to find assistant prosecutors who aren't bayou inbreds.BRENDAOh, could he Daddy? Could he please? Could he come work with you please?ROGERSo. Frank. Was that snake Hollingsworth still teaching there when you went through Berkeley?FRANK JUNIORHollingsworth ... yes. Grumpy old Hollingsworth, right? I tell ya, meaner than ever.ROGERAnd that dog of his? Tell me Frank, what was the name of his little dog?FRANK JUNIOR(works the problem, then:)I'm sorry. The dog was dead when I got there. ROGERHow unfortunate. A doctor, a lawyer, a Lutheran. So what are you, Frank? 'Cause I think you're about to ask my daughter's hand in marriage, and I have a right to know.FRANK JUNIORKnow what, sir?ROGERThe truth. Tell me the truth, Frank. What are you doing here? What is a man of your accomplishments