ch04.ppt
TRANSCRIPT
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-1
Chapter 4
Revising and Proofreading Business Messages
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-2
Revising and Proofreading
• Revising: Improving content and sentence structure.
May involve adding, cutting, recasting.
• Proofreading: Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-3
Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.
Instead of this:We are of the opinion that
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that
Try this:We think
Please
Also
Now
Although
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-4
Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Instead of this:We don’t as a general rule cash personal checks.
Students in very few instances receive parking tickets.
She calls meetings on a monthly basis.
Try this:We don’t generally cash personal checks.
Students seldom receive parking tickets.
She calls monthly meetings.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-5
Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this:
This memo is to inform
you that all employees
meet today.
I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted.
Try this:All employees meet today.
Thanks to everyone who voted.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-6
Outdated Expressions
Outdated:as per your request
pursuant to your request
attached hereunto
under separate cover
Modern:at your request
at your request
attached
separately
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-7
Needless Adverbs
To sound more credible and to streamline your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs such as definitely, quite, really, actually, and so forth.
Instead of this:The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable.
Try this:The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-8
Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it when used merely to take up space.
Instead of this:There are two employees who should be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff who were singled out.
Try this:Two employees should be promoted.
Lisa and Jeff were singled out.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-9
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness.• This e-mail message is to inform you that in all
probability we will actually finish in two weeks.
We will probably finish in two weeks.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-10
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness.• There are many brokers who are quite certain
that these stocks are completely safe.
Many brokers are certain that these stocks are safe.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-11
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness.• Pursuant to your request, there are two
contracts that are attached hereto.
As you requested, two contracts are attached.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-12
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other forms of wordiness.• All employees are hereby informed that as a
general rule computers may not be used for personal activities.
Generally, employees may not use computers for personal activities.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-13
Redundant Words
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
thought and consideration
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-14
Jargon
Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize.
Computer jargon:queue
export
bandwidth
Alternative language:list of documents waiting to
be printed
transfer data from one program to another
Internet capacity
Is jargon ever permissible?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-15
Slang
Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).
to bag on
clueless
turkey
chill/chill out
to tease, to nag, to complain
unaware, naïve
someone stupid or silly
relax
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-16
Clichés
Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words.
Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone.
We had reached the end of our rope.
Finally, you should work diligently.
We could go no further.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-17
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies.• Last but not least, the attorney referred back to
an exactly identical case.
Finally, the attorney referred to an identical case.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-18
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies.• With a little advance warning, we could have
sold out before our stocks tanked.
With warning, we could have sold out before our stocks hit bottom.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-19
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies.• Ms. Miller, who shoots straight from the
shoulder, demanded final completion by January 1.
Ms. Miller, who is straightforward, demanded completion by January 1.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-20
Precise Verbs
• Revise your writing to include precise verbs instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones.
Market researchers said that profits would improve.
What more precise verbs could replace said?Market researchers forecasted improved profits.
Market researchers promised improved profits.
Market researchers predicted improved profits.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-21
Precise Verbs
• Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns.
The manager came to the realization that telecommuting made sense.
The manager realized that telecommuting made sense.
An application must be made by the job seeker.
The job seeker must apply.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-22
Precise Verbs
• TIP: Look for words ending in tion or ment. Could they be more efficiently and forcefully converted to verbs?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-23
Try Your Skill
Revise the following sentence using more precise verbs.• The seller said he would contact you.
The seller promised to e-mail [telephone or fax] you.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-24
Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb.• We must give encouragement to our team.
We must encourage our team.
Try Your Skill
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-25
Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb.• Have you made an application for employment?
Have you applied for employment?
Try Your Skill
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-26
Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb.• A duty of the general manager is the calculation
of monthly sales.
The general manager calculates monthly sales.
Try Your Skill
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-27
Revise the following sentence centering the action in a verb.• The establishment of new methods was effected
by Kevin.
Kevin established new methods.
Try Your Skill
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-28
Concrete Nouns
Revise your writing to include specific, concrete nouns instead of general, abstract ones.
The man asked for a raise.
Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase.
An employee presented a proposal.
Kelly Keeler, production manager, presented a plan to stagger hours.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-29
Vivid Adjectives
Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones.
The report was good.
The report was persuasive (or detailed, original, thorough, painstaking, complete, comprehensive).
The report was bad.
(Possible revisions?)
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-30
What to Watch for in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-31
How to Proofread Complex Documents
• Allow adequate time.
• Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
• Be prepared to find errors.
• Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics.
• Reduce your reading speed.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 4-32
For documents that must be perfect:
• Have someone read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout.
• Spell names.• Spell difficult words.• Note capitalization.• Note punctuation.
How to Proofread Complex Documents