Chapter 9

Build Great Relationships for a Successful and Fulfilling life

Copyright 2011. Raymond Gerson

Chapter Objectives

• Develop and improve relationship and communication skills

• Learn teamwork and conflict management skills

• Gain greater appreciation of diversity• Increase social intelligence and your ability to

relate well to others

Benefits of Good Relationships

• Reduces stress

• Increases happiness

• Good for your health

• Increases opportunities for success

• Provides support when needed

• Provides opportunities to help others

Rate Yourself on Relationship Mistakes-Complete Activity 9.1

More Relationship Mistakes

• Criticizing others• Showing disrespect• Expecting perfection• Not listening well• Trying to change others• Being defensive• Withdrawing• Not letting others save face

Additional Tips for Good Relationships

• Be sincere and genuine• Be honest and kind• Show flexibility• Choose what you will disagree about• Show compassion and empathy for others• Treat people as a friend or guest• Help others when they need it• Share stories with each other from your lives

Improving Your Self-Image Helps Relationships

• Identify and accept your strengths and weaknesses• Examine the price you pay for holding negative feelings

about yourself• Acknowledge your positive qualities• Improve physical appearance through exercise, diet,

grooming, etc.• Set small goals and give yourself many successful

experiences• Associate with people who help you believe in yourself

Splashes of Life

Sioux Indian Story What is this story about?

Social Intelligence

Social Intelligence (SI) according to Goleman is:

• Your awareness of others• Your understanding of their thoughts and feelings• Your ability to interact effectively with them

You can think of SI as similar to a combination of Gardner’s Interpersonal and Verbal-Linguistic Intelligence

Qualities of Socially Intelligent People

1. Social Awareness• Ability to read body language to assess people’s feelings

• Ability to listen to others with full attention

• Empathy – The ability to feel what they are feeling

• Understanding what is needed to develop successful relationships

Qualities of Socially Intelligent People (Cont’d)

2. Social Facility• Ability to communicate well without words

• Ability to express yourself clearly and effectively

• Ability to create a successful outcome with others

• Caring about others and the ability to fulfill their needs when appropriate

Now rate yourself on the SI Self-Assessment/Activity 9.3

Purpose of the SI Self-Assessment

• To evaluate SI strengths and weaknesses

• To gain insights for improving your SI

• To remove blind spots that you might have overlooked

Now brainstorm characteristics of good and bad teachers/professors and compare to qualities of socially intelligent people. Complete Activity 9.4

Good Communication Improves Relationships

• Communication is the ability to effectively express yourself

• Is also the ability to listen and understand the meaning behind the words

How to Listen

• Face the other person from a comfortable distance• Look interested and be attentive• Maintain good eye contact• Don’t criticize• Don’t interrupt• Listen for feelings and meaning• Ask questions when needing clarification• Actively listen by reflecting back what you think they are

saying

Now try Activity 9.6 The Listening Exercise

Managing Conflicts

• Use words that respect the point of view of others• Be assertive – stand up for yourself by expressing your

feelings without attacking the other person• Avoid being passive and doing nothing• Avoid being aggressive and trying to hurt the other person or

putting them down• Use “I messages” instead of “You messages” – For example, “I

feel hurt when you do that” instead of “You idiot, why did you do that to me?”

• Now do Activity 9.7 / The “I message” activity.

Benjamin Franklin

• What was Ben Franklin’s secret of success in relationships?

Ben Franklin’s Success

• He set goals for who he would become and for what he wanted to achieve

• He had a mission bigger than himself to make a contribution and positive difference in the lives of others

• He practiced developing virtues and positive character traits

• Franklin was patient and understood good relationships take time to build

• He chose words that showed respect for others• He reached a lot of people through his writings and built

a network of friends

Teamwork and Diversity

• You will be expected to work effectively with all types of people on the job

• College provides opportunities to get to know diverse groups of people

• More can be accomplished when you and team members respect each other’s perspective

Qualities of Great Leaders

• Are also excellent teachers• Provide a vision• Motivate and inspire others• Set high and positive expectations• Set a good example• Believes in the potential of others• Helps others to accomplish more than they

think they can

Summary of Main Points

• Good relationships are important for health, success and happiness

• A positive self-image improves relationships

• Social intelligence improves your ability to get along with others

• Effective communication involves clearly expressing yourself and listening to others