O C T O B E R 2 0 1 5

WHY ARE WE HERE? IBC is a community that exists because we believe Jesus Christ transforms lives. We want to be fully alive as followers of Jesus, and we hope you’ll join us on this journey.

HOW DO WE DO THIS?

GROWING IN CHRIST At the heart of our journey is the gospel of Jesus. We trust Christ as our Savior and find ourselves becoming more like him as we deepen our relation-ship with him.

CONNECTING IN COMMUNITY The way of following Jesus is not a path we walk alone. The gospel story draws us into a community of people whose lives are being transformed by Jesus.

JOINING THE MISSION Followers of Jesus aren’t just saved, they’re also sent. Believers become witnesses to the grace of God as they take part in his mission to rescue and redeem the lost and broken.

For more about growing in Christ, connecting in community, and join-ing the mission at IBC, please contact info@irvingbible.org.

C O N TACT I B C2435 Kinwest Pkwy Irving, TX 75063 (972) 560-4600

WEB irvingbible.org FACEBOOK irvingbible TWITTER @ibcvoice ELETTER irvingbible.org/eletter

New to IBC? Turn to page 18.

2435 KINWESTOn Sept. 9, IBC kicked-off another year of ministry through “2435 Kinwest”, our Wednesday night community outreach. IBCers and commu-nity members came together for a night of entertainment, a free meal, and an open house. There was singing, danc-ing, games, raffles, and even rapping! Most importantly, at-tendees got to hear from min-istry leaders as they shared their hearts for the needs of the Irving community.

It was a GREAT evening of fellowship and a celebration of all that is GREAT about IBC, and all that is RIGHT with the World!

–Norma Urban, Citizenship Director“

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”Mom this place is cool. Can we start coming to church here?

–Boy, overheard at dinner

Chatter | 3

LIFE

SHE WASN’T GOING TO SEE ANYBODY. No small talk, no averting her eyes, no flinching at the hot limestone edge of the well. It was the quiet hour. She always came during the quiet hour. She breathed it in

— the simple beauty of drawing water. A simple thing in a tight, rough braid of a life. Until him.

He told her everything. Everything she ever did. Well, not everything, just the things that mat-tered. The Things that had blindsided, crippled, and destroyed great swaths of her life. The things that had gone on her record — both the record kept by outsiders and the record she kept within her own heart. The things that made her come with her jug alone.

Yes, she had tried to change the subject, and held her back straight as the rabbi searched her eyes. But the New Thing that started in her heart from the first sound of his voice began unfurling and wouldn’t be done until she had unfurled her very self with news for the whole town to hear: “He told me everything I ever did! Could this be the Messiah?”

In John Chapter 4, I see this woman clearly. I see myself.

She is a woman with a burden of insecurity and shame, who avoids certain, pretty crowds because if they saw her, really saw her, they would whisper. Who likes to carry her own jug, thank you very much, and hold her head steady with the dignity she manufactures for herself. Who likes to change the subject.

I’m not sure what the timbre of Jesus’ voice was when he said to this woman, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”

It couldn’t have been arctic, could it? I try to imag-ine his sound: the matter-of-factness mixed with alien tenderness. The silent roar of truth hitting her ears — delicately, like a feather. Whatever his angle of head, squint of eyelids against sun, shrug of shoulder, or flick of finger, Jesus’ composite message was just what she needed to hear.

What I need to hear.

“I know you. I know Everything. And I want to talk to you about it.”

The great theologian Charles Spurgeon observed:

“Christ has different doors for entering into dif-ferent people’s souls. Into some, he enters by the understanding; into many, by the affections. To some, he comes by the way of fear; to another, by that of hope; and to this woman he came by way of her conscience.” (Spurgeon)

Jesus entered the woman’s conscience by making her cons-cious of her story in a new way. He gave voice to it. She could hear her story, finally, from someone Real instead of from the incessant loop inside her brain and the imagined dark-corner conversations held by pretty people. It was a hard story to hear. But the story itself, in this moment, wasn’t nearly as important as the storyteller.

So she left her water jug there. Leaned it right up against the limestone well, right next to his feet. It wasn’t about her reputation anymore, or about how high she held her chin. This day, this mo-ment, was about this would-be Messiah who could tell you your story, even if it was a sad story. And people needed to know.

All over town, she was saying: “This man told me everything I ever did! Could he be the Messiah?”

How beautiful to be released from the starring role in your story. No more the tragic hero, the fallen angel.

How restful to be met on purpose by a well, just when you thought you were all on your own.

How would her story end? We don’t know. Would there be more failure? Some mixture of victory and pain, like in most lives? Would she able to leave this mystery man, this not-her-husband? It doesn’t seem to matter to the gospel writer. What mattered, what earned precious real estate in the annals of Scripture, is that one day, a quiet, hiding woman got a glimpse of her ultimate redemption and took to the streets — without stopping to ask.

a letter from ChatterEditor Julie Rhodes

Art Direction, Design & Goodness Josh Wiese, Lindsey Sobolik, JD Lemming

Admin Extraordinaire Victoria Andrews

Pastor to Hashtags Scott McClellan, Communications Pastor

Photography Katherine Ivey (Photo Update)*

Writers Craig Pierce (Next Steps)** Ginger Smith (This is Life)* Jason Fox (Idle Chatter)* Megan Foreman (Chatter Facts)* Peggy Norton (Joy)*

Editorial Assistance/Proofing Summer Alexander*, Annie Stone*

Thoughts, comments, ideas? Contact Chatter at chatter@irvingbible.org.

Need Chatter Digitally? Chatter is on the web at irvingbible.org/chatter.

Are you a media socialite? Like Chatter on Facebook. It’s so likeable.

*Most beloved and indispensable Chatter Volunteer.

**Most beloved and indispensable IBC staff member/elder.

In the arctic, muskox live in herds of 12-24 during the winter. Their name is derived from the strong, musky odor given off by the males. #redundant

HISTORY

SCIENCE

TEXAS

TOMFOOLERY

LANGUAGE

GENERAL

FOOD

CULTURE

CHATTER FACT ICON KEY

Chatter is…

GEOGRAPHY

Chatter | 4

Dear Jon,Are you a young adult at IBC? If so, let us introduce you to Jon, the newest member of

IBC’s pastoral staff. If NOT, we STILL want you to meet Jon, the newest member of IBC’s

pastoral staff. He came down to Texas last month from Oregon to take on the role of

Young Adults Pastor, and word is, his new favorite food is a bowl of Anamia’s guacamole.

One-fourth of the U.S.’s total llama population lives in Oregon.

Avocados have been cultivated for over 10,000 years. Because duh.

Chatter | 5

Chatter caught up with Jon via the interwebs for a cozy, email-based Q&A.

CHATTER Jon, welcome to IBC. You look tan, well rested and ready for action. Tell us your secret. And more about, you know, YOU in general.

JON JONES Thanks, Chatter. You’re too kind. I am a product of the west coast. After being born and raised in California, I spent a few years in Washington before settling into Portland. I lived there for 15 years, then my wife Meagan and I moved to Lake Oswego, OR, where we have lived for the past three years, and had our daughter Ainsley (17 months). For hobbies I love soccer (avid Portland Timbers and Arsenal fan), playing guitar, cycling, skiing, and spending time trav-eling and exploring with my family. Meagan and I are celebrating seven years of marriage in a couple weeks.

CHAT Congratulations! We’re excited to meet her, too.

JJ: Thanks for that. Meagan has a beautiful and tender heart. She is incredibly thoughtful and good at connecting with others. I love that she loves others so much. Also, she cracks me up on a regular basis.

CHAT Quick, tell us about your Offi cial, Very Impor-tant, Pastoring Past:

JJ I have served as the High School Pastor at Lake Grove Presbyterian Church for the last fi ve years and have been in full time ministry since 2000. I am a graduate of Multnomah University with a double ma-jor in Theology and Ministry Leadership. Currently I am working on my MDiv through Fuller Seminary.

CHAT Sweet. We had a feeling you’d be at least semi-qualifi ed. (Kidding!) But seriously, tell us more about how your background equips you well to work with young adults.

JJ I’ve been working with millennials for the entirety of my career, fi rst while they were high school youth and in college, and now with them as young adults. Since I have spent so much time journeying through life with them, it seems like a natural fi t to transi-tion into pastoring this generation through their 20’s and 30’s. So my background in working with the

millennial’s generational nuances, combined together with my passion for helping people follow Jesus better, seems like a

good foundation for pastoring young adults.

CHAT What drew you to IBC’s young adult ministry specifi cally?

JJ It was seeing the potential that exists. IBC is a strong, dy-namic church that has the potential to have a thriving 20’s/30’s min-istry. It excites me to think about what God could do with a church like IBC throwing its full weight behind a generation like the millennials.

CHAT That DOES sound exciting. So, in your opin-ion, what’s the most signifi cant spiritual need of young adults today?

JJ This is not going to sound very radical at all. I think the most signifi cant spiritual need for young adults today is to be in a continually growing rela-tionship with God. The greatest need of the human heart is to know and follow Jesus regardless of the generation. The greater question is: how do we speak and translate the message of the Gospel into a mil-lennial paradigm? Millennials are highly pragmatic and want deep signifi cance and purpose infused into every area of their lives. They will chase anything that provides that signifi cance and have a low toler-ance for just going through the motions. This is a good thing!

CHAT How are young adults misunderstood by older and younger generations?

JJ In my experience, the biggest misconception is that they are uninterested in faith. There are many studies that point toward the declining religious affi liation of the millennial generation. The city from which I moved is one of the primary symbols of that. Religious affi liation in Portland is incredibly low. This often gets translated as 20’s/30’s being unin-terested in matters of faith. However, we have to be careful to keep from confusing lack of religious affi li-ation with lack of spiritual appetite.

CHAT So they have an appetite for spiritual things but are not religiously affi liated. Why the disconnect?

JJ Prior to the Internet, there was a culture of exper-tise. If you wanted to know something about faith,

you would go to your local church. If you wanted to be a part of it you would become a member and “buy in” to being a part of the church. With the rise of the connected world, access to expertise on faith looks far diff erent. You can listen to the best sermons in the world, see what is current in social justice, donate to a cause you like, and have conversations about faith with friends across the world, all without ever leav-ing your sofa.

CHAT How should the church respond to this?

JJ What the connected generation of 20/30-some-things need is not more access to a church because they have all they need. They need to see a church that is willing to be diff erent. A church that will wrestle with faith and demonstrate every day a life that is worth living and dying for. It sounds so simple, and really it is. Yet, it is the most demanding calling possible for a church: live like Jesus now.

CHAT So, you’ve basically answered our next ques-tion, but we’ll ask it anyway: Why is having a thriving young adult ministry important at a church like IBC?

JJ Put simply, because the world needs 20’s/30’s who believe that what Jesus says is true and put it into action daily. Think of the ways the world could be changed, renewed, restored, and blessed if we had an entire generation of 20’s/30’s actively living out the Gospel in their work places and communities. Imag-ine the marriages that could be strengthened and the children that could be raised if 20’s/30’s didn’t wander away from faith. That is why a thriving young adult ministry is important.

CHAT Welcome to IBC, Jon. Now let’s go get you some guac.

Soccer was illegal in Mississippi until 1991.

Jon, wife Meagan and daughter Ainsely (17 mos) moved from Oregon last month.

Chatter | 6

on

It’s Chatter’s 10th (and a half) Birthday! Leave it to Chatter to celebrate a half-birthday. In honor of Chatter’s decade (and a little more), we thought

we’d dig up the very first issue of Chatter, ever — April 2005 — for a friendly little, well, CHAT.

OCTOBER 2015 ChatterAPR IL 2005

NEWINTERVIEWSOLD

The first issue of Chatter was printed for April, and the editor’s name at the time was also April.

Chatter | 7

seal of

a p p r o v a l

NEW CHATTER OCTOBER 2015 Hi, April 2005. It’s been a while.

OLD CHATTER APRIL 2005 Wow! We haven’t aged a day! Actually, we HAVE lost some weight. Hey LOOK: a squirrel! TWO of them. TWO SQUIRRELS. I wonder if we should interview them.

NEW CHAT Wow. You’re all over the place. Just like I remember you. Yep, we actually HAVE lost some weight

— 18.465909% of our size, to be exact. Went from 11 X 14 down to 10.25 x 12.25 a few years after you made your debut. Good thing, too, with the recession and all. Paper prices — yeesh.

OLD CHAT There was a recession? Hold on, I need to call my stockbroker to check up on my Barnes & Noble stock. Wait. Where did I put my Razr?...

NEW CHAT Uh, let’s… not get off topic. I know that can be, um, hard for you.

OLD CHAT Right. Good point. Ok, so tell me — what else is awesome and different about us? Do we have holo-graphic pages where the eyes from pictures follow you like in Harry Potter? Pop-up inserts? Glossy, four-color ink? Vellum overlays?

NEW CHAT Don’t hurt yourself, April. We’re still two-color on vanilla uncoated paper.

OLD CHAT Oh, come on! At LEAST tell me we’ve started interviewing big celebrities now. Lance Armstrong, for instance. How many TDF wins does he have now, like 12? That guy. What a champ.

NEW CHAT Uh…

OLD CHAT And hey, I’m sure (by now) we’ve got corre-spondents covering major world news — wars, elections, American Idol, that kind of thing. In fact, I bet we’re just in time to start covering the 2016 Election! Who’s running for President?

NEW CHAT Well, a Clinton, a Bush, a…

OLD CHAT Excuse me? What year did you say we’re in, again?

NEW CHAT I know. Long story. Don’t ask.

OLD CHAT Um. Okaaaaay… Fine. Let’s cut the small talk and get down to business. What’s our SUBSCRIPTION rate these days? I bet we make a killing on some kind of futuristic Geocities web site. Or on that Book of Faces thingy that just came out.

NEW CHAT Let’s just say we’re still doing a lot of…pro bono work.

OLD CHAT We’re not Oprah, you know. We don’t have to just GIVE stuff away for FREE.

NEW CHAT Um, yea, we kinda do.

OLD CHAT Did she get a new couch? Oprah, I mean. Tom Cruise really did a number on it this year. I’ll bet he and Katie Holmes have like 10 kids now. So adorable. (I WOULD say “totes adorbes” but that’s not due to as-sault pop culture vernacular until 2014.)

NEW CHAT I can’t even look at you right now. Here, take this.

OLD CHAT What is it?

NEW CHAT Ritalin.

OLD CHAT Hey listen, I know our mission is to educate, inspire, inform and entertain the IBC family, but we gotta make us some MO-NEY. IBC has a big mortgage to pay off!

NEW CHAT Actually, IBC paid off its mortgage debt last year.

OLD CHAT Without charging $1.99 per issue?

NEW CHAT Even without that.

OLD CHAT Wow. That is more wonderful than the first season of “Lost.” How does “Lost” end, by the way? NO. DON’T TELL ME. Ok, tell me. NO. DON’T TELL ME.

NEW CHAT Suit yourself.

OLD CHAT OK, but I DO need to know this: what are the coolest places we’ve visited the past 10 years? I hope IBC-ers still love taking Where’s Chatter shots!

NEW CHAT Yep, they still do. We’ve been to the Great Wall of China, The Eiffel Tower, castles in Ireland, mu-seums in Italy, mountains in South America, the desert in Israel, the opera house in Australia and more. We have been swimming with sting rays, mountain climbing in Colorado, and sun-bathing on countless beaches.

OLD CHAT Wow. We sound very well rounded.

NEW CHAT Still rectangular, April 2005. Still rectangular.

OLD CHAT You know, you’ve gotten pretty LITERAL in your old age.

NEW CHAT I never realized how CRAY-CRAY we were in our earlier years, April.

OLD CHAT Cray-cray?

NEW CHAT Nevermind. You’ll find out soon enough.

CHATTER 10.5-YEAR FAVORITES

Favorite Where’s Chatter ExcursionChatter goes weightless on the vomit comet (October 2007)

Favorite November Turkey:

“Redacted” (November 2013)

Favorite Chatter FactThe name “Jayson” means “healer.” The name “Jason” means “boring healer.” (July 2013, Band Mate Matchup)

Favorite InterviewInterview With a Dead Guy: St. Patrick (March 2013, written by Jason Fox)

Favorite PhotographPortrait of Ron Hall and Denver Moore shot by Trey Hill (May 2009)

Favorite Chatter GameInside the Steeple

Favorite TypoIn the May 2005 issue, an oversight led to Chatter (mistakenly) running an ad for Common Ground (college group) that included a line about “drink specials.” It’s now lovingly reffered to as the

“Chatter Booze Ad.”

Favorite Special IssueThe Kutchi Issue (February 2010)

Chatter Facts (like the one you’re reading now) first appeared in the November 2007 issue.

Chatter | 8

Kids connect with God in different ways. Some find him in a story, in a song, in the warm arms of someone safe. That’s why

there’s always a place for you with kids. You have something special to offer, a way only you can make kids feel close to God.

To find your spot visit irvingbible.org/findyourspot today.

Don’t miss your chance.

“Dibbidobigollim joshie oastibeen NAM NAM lillib oofum.”If Ms. Emily didn’t get the crafts ready this morning, I would NOT be a happy camper.

Resource Volunteers needed: 1-2

“Oooofish bobygosh follysob GURGLE lommedilf.”Mr. Brian smiled at me when my parents checked me in. I’m happy to be here.

Welcome/check-in Team members needed: 6

“Boppybish fushy MAMA kidlido feshi beeoposh gianbifishty.”Translation: I feel safe when Miss Lindsey gives me a hug. It’s not as scary to be away from mommy and daddy.

Nursery Classroom leaders needed: 10

Children’s Ministry at IBC requires over 300 volunteers in 20 different roles every Sunday to serve 900 kids.

Chatter | 9

King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, once wrote that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecc 3:1). Well, we are entering a new season in the Pierce household. For the last 25 years, we have been raising three boys. Changing diapers, teaching them to ride a bike, attending soc-

cer games, baseball, basketball, football, class plays, summer camps, father/son retreats and family vacations. Loving them, instructing them and disciplining them. It hasn’t all been easy. But all in all, it has been quite an exciting ride. I can’t even describe how proud I am of each of them and how full my heart is with love for those three boys.

But that season has come to a close. Last month, we drove our youngest son to Abilene, Texas where he will begin his freshman year at ACU — the place where Cathy and I met and fell in love. We moved him in to his dorm, took him on a quick tour of all the places we used to frequent in the 80s, and then got in the car to make that 3-hour drive home. And even though we’ve made that drive countless times, this time was different. This time we would be coming back to an empty house. We are in a new season. People call it the “empty nest” season. And I have to be honest: I’ve been looking forward to it. Just thinking about the possibilities has me a little giddy. Date nights any night we want. Going to bed at 8:30 if we want. Wearing as much or as little as I want around the house. And it’s very tempting to start thinking that it’s all about us and maybe it’s time to start slowing down and coasting just a bit.

But then one day, as I was talking with my oldest son — who happens to be great at asking questions — he asked me this: “What are yours and mom’s plans for this

next season?” And I thought to myself, “Hopefully, not much! After all, don’t we deserve that?” And then he tells me about a quote from one of his favorite pastors, which went something like this: “When your memories become brighter than your dreams, you are dying.” I sat there quiet for just a few minutes. Inside my head, I was arguing, “No! Don’t say that. I like my memories. Leave me alone. Let me be.” But in my heart, I knew what he was saying was right.

And so I began to wonder. What if God is just getting started with me? I hadn’t re-ally thought about it quite like that. And then a friend challenged me with this idea: He said, “Look, the average life span is close to 80 years now. You became an adult around 21 years old, and so when you think about it, you are only about halfway through your adult life. Surely God isn’t dialing things down for you at the halfway point.” This made me think of one of my favorite heroes in the bible, Caleb. We named our middle son after him. He was a man who “had a different spirit and fol-lowed God with his whole heart.” A man who in his early years was one of only two spies (out of 12) who trusted God enough to say to Moses, “Absolutely! We can go take the land God promised us!” when all of his other compadres retreated in fear. And then he gets to the back half of his life, a time when he could have just retired knowing that his great faith will be remembered and even recorded for all of his-tory. And yet at 85 years old, he doesn’t slow down. Listen to his words: “Now then, the LORD has kept his promise … And here I am, 85 years old. I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. So give me the mountain country that the LORD promised me that day long ago.” Wow! I want some of that!

We’re talking a lot about “next steps” around here at IBC these days. And honestly, I don’t know what my “next steps” will be yet. But I do know this. God isn’t done with me yet and this is not the time to slow my pace down to a leisurely walk. He intends my steps to be just as vigorous and determined, if not more so, over these next 30 years as they have been with the last. So my prayer has become, “God, thanks for the grace and patience and goodness you’ve shown me as we’ve climbed this moun-tain called “parenthood” together. I wouldn’t trade one moment away. But now it’s time for the next mountain. Let’s get going!”

When he was growing up, Craig Pierce dreamed of becoming a bus driver someday.

Craig serves on IBC’s Teaching Team and is a member of the Elder Board.

Next Steps: LET’S GET GOING!

Chatter asked IBC pastors to weigh in on their “next steps” for the year — personally, spiritually, or ministry-wise. Here’s Craig.

Craig and Cathy Pierce with sons Jacob, Corbin, daughter-in-law Maddie and Caleb.

Abilene Christian University, founded in 1906, has many notable alumni, including pastor, Max Lucado, country music artist, Ronnie Dunn, and designer, Lindsey Sobolik.

Chatter | 10

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According to the U.S. State Dept., there are nearly 400,000 adult women and minor girls working in the Philippines’sex trade.

When Heather walked into My Refuge House for the fi rst time, Sarah* instantly caught her attention.

Heather Bland is the new CEO of My Refuge House, a non-profi t ministry located in Cebu, Philippines that provides educational, spiritual, physical, emotional and mental care to help restore survivors of commercial sexual exploitation and abuse. IBC has been a MRH partner since 2011.

Sarah is a survivor of human traffi cking. Sarah fi rst came to My Refuge House as a strong, but angry, 15-year old girl in 2012. Even when Sarah was on the streets, she knew deep down inside her life had meaning. After coming to MyRefuge House, Sarah slowly began to trust again and her confi dence was restored. For the fi rst time in a long time, Sarah felt safe and loved.

Over the years, everyone who has come to know Sarah has been touched by her and Heather was no exception.

“On my fi rst visit to My Refuge House, I was participating in a retreat,” Heather explains. “To break the ice, the girls were playing a game and Sarah was leading. She had a big smile on her face and it was evident the other girls looked up to her.”

Sarah serves as a peer leader at My Refuge House and is a positive role model for the other girls in the house. Her confi dence and presence help put everyone at ease.

“I remember when a new girl came to My Refuge House, the girl was literally shaking, she was so afraid,” Heather recalls. “But in a matter of moments Sarah and the other girls had swooped in to give her love and reassurance. They had her settled down in no time. Two days later, you could visibly see the transfor-mation of the new girl; she knew she was in a safe place.”

That sense of community and belonging is due in no small part to girls like Sarah.

Sarah is symbolic of the growth and potential of these girls. In just three years, she was able to complete her schooling and earn a four-year college scholar-ship. Sarah is one of the fi rst girls from My Refuge House to go to college. Her goal is to become a police offi cer so she can help put an end to traffi cking.

The angry little girl who walked through the doors of My Refuge House is now a young woman who has grown in so many ways, including spiritually.

Heather had the opportunity to witness Sarah’s baptism.

“I remember the day clearly,” Heather says. “The girls and I all boarded a bus to make the hour-long trip up the coast.”

“The girls were singing and talking and I heard a voice say, ‘God created me and He said: it is good!’”

What struck Heather about Sarah, and the other girls, was their unbridled joy.

“It was the joy that caught me totally off guard,” Heather said, “especially after all they have been through.”

As the group went into the waters of the ocean, Sarah stayed back. She waited and was the last one to be baptized.

Heather explains, “For Sarah her baptism was the fi nal step in her healing pro-cess. I remember the pastor saying, ‘We are all beloved children of God.’ I think for Sarah her baptism was her way of accepting her belovedness.”

No one can erase the grief and hardships Sarah and the other girls have experi-enced, but what we can do is focus on the hope and the joy these girls now have thanks to My Refuge House.

After serving in adult ministries at IBC, Peggy Norton is now trying her hand with kindergarteners. Pray for her .

Peggy is a communications professional at a global security company.

*Name changed for privacy.

Contagious Joy “I think for Sarah her baptism was her way of accepting her belovedness.”

FASHIONED FOR FREEDOMNOVEMBER 5, 2015, 7 P.M.

BENEFITTING MY REFUGE HOUSE

Frontiers of Flight Museum6911 Lemmon AvenueDallas, TX 75209

Tickets start at $50.

PLEASE NOTE: Venue is handicap-accessible // Cocktail attire // Free parking

fashionedforfreedom.com

A local Pastor in Cebu baptizes girls from MRH.

Chatter | 11

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The word "surgery" comes from the Greek "cheirourgen" — cheir (hand) and ergo ( to work) — "to work with the hand."

Your home is in heaven, where you watch over us.

We li� up your holy name above all creatures. We don’t use your name to curse. You are perfe� and we do not use your name in other ways. Your name is God!

Your kingdom is pure. Help us to bring your kingdom to earth by cel-ebrating your birth and resurre� ion, and proclaiming the Good News that Jesus is alive and watching us now. Bring peace, kindness and love to the earth. Help us not to judge or hurt people; help us not to be raci� . Help us to love our neighbors, and our enemies.

Chatter is asking several pastors and IBC family members to write The Lord's Prayer in their own words. To submit yours, send it to chatter@irvingbible.org.

Father~ Our

THE LORD’S PRAYER: AN INTERPRETATIONBy the members of In His Image, IBC’s Special Needs Bible Study

A note from Shannon Miller, Special Needs Director at IBC In His Image is a small group Bible study for adults with learning diff erences. Through this group, we have seen fi rst-hand how the Holy Spirit can circumvent any and all limitations to draw his children close to him. This is not a group with blind, simple faith – they ask deep questions, think critically, apply their beliefs to everyday life, and cling to God with fi erce faith through all kinds of trials and diffi culties. Here is the Lord’s Prayer, in their own words.

friend, priest, healer, and protector who hears us, talks to us and is #1 in our hearts,

You want peace and tranquili� all over the world. You want us to live healthy lives, to be kind, learn the Bible, and help others who are not as fortunate as we are. But mo� of all, You want everyone to bow down and worship Jesus.

We know that someday we’ll be with Jesus. � ere will be no crying, no wars, no anger or sadness, no su� ering, no sin, no pain, no sickness, no hurting people, and no surgeries!

Each day we need you to give us life, food and water, a roof over our heads, enough money to live on, happiness, help to not tell lies, and your attention.

Forgive us for devouring too much food, getting mad at people, being couch potatoes, wanting too much money, and being selfi sh. � ank you for dying for our sins.

Help us to say “I forgive you” to anyone who wrongs us, every time, forever. Help us to turn the other cheek and not be bitter. We know that we forgive others because you have forgiven us.

Keep us from sinning. Help us to do other � u� like read the Bible, and � eak to us in our mind and heart. Keep us busy, and give us friends and family to support us.

Take us away from evil. Prote� us from the devil and his evil forces on the earth. Save us through your grace — your unearned love and forgiveness. We were lo� , but now we are found.

Amen!

Ginger Smith found a way to turn past pain into real help for those struggling at IBC.

� is Is Life.

Here was a place where

God could take the pains of my pa� and

use them for g� d.

Chatter | 12

According to the American Cancer Society, in 2015, there will be an estimated 1,658,370 new cancer cases diagnosed in the U.S.

I went to my car, the sound of running water in the garage was my fi rst clue that something was amiss. Then I saw it, a steady stream coming from the hot water heater. Dang it, I thought. I don’t

have time for this. I’m already running late…for my chemo appointment. This was not shaping up to be a very good day. For that matter, this wasn’t shaping up to be a very good YEAR!

But this is life, isn’t it? Some days are harder than others. Some whole seasons are hard. Cancer wasn’t my favorite season, but it was a walk in the park compared to the divorce I’d experienced years earlier. The trajectory of my life was NOT what I had planned or pictured, but it was somehow part of God’s plan. During those seasons, God comforted me and drew me close in ways I had never experienced before. He also gave me support from friends and family that met real needs for me, from bringing meals during cancer to just listening as I cried my way through divorce. I didn’t understand why God put these experiences in my path, but trusted He would bring good out of them. He has, in so many ways.

When my daughter left for college, I found myself with new discretionary time and energy. I had poured my-self into raising her, training her in godliness, doing her laundry, fussing at her to do her homework, chaper-oning her choir trips, etc., and that time and energy was now available for something new.

A friend suggested I would be a good fi t for Stephen Ministry so I checked it out. Here was a place where God could take the pains of my past and use them for good. Everyone goes through hard seasons and needs someone just to listen and care. Many get that from friends and family, but some don’t, and in some cases, your friends and family are part of the problem or are just too close to it, and you need to lean on someone OUTSIDE of that circle.

If you are in a hard season and need a listening ear, reach out to the Stephen Ministry to be paired up with someone who has lived through some tough stuff and wants to be an encouragement. If you’re on the other side of your hard times and would like to spend a couple hours a week to come alongside someone else and walk through a hard season with them, then Stephen Ministry might be the right place for you. New Stephen Ministers will be designated this fall and training begins in January.

The apostle Paul refers to our “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor 1:4). What a beautiful thing! God can use my pain and the comfort I received to comfort others during their diffi culties.

To get involved in Stephen Ministry either as a care giver or care receiver, call the Stephen Minis-try hotline at (972) 560-4636 or contact us via email at: stephenministry@irvingbible.org.

As

Chatter | 13

Imagine you have a family.

And in that family, you have a precious one with special needs. A cherished one, dearly loved one, beautiful one. And maybe you don’t get out much because it’s just too diffi cult.

And sometimes it’s hard to fi nd friends who understand. And sometimes it feels like you’re in the only family in the world with this set of challenges. And sometimes you just wish you could have fun. Together. With people who get it.

For all the “sometimes,” there’s THIS time:

Irving Bible Church and Victory Flows are excited to an-nounce our Fun and Freedom Fall Festival. This event will provide individuals living with disabilities and their fami-lies a unique, fun-fi lled event, custom-designed to meet the needs of this special community.

We invite you and your family to dress up in costume (op-tional) and join us! Trained volunteers will team up with our special friends for planned activities including fall arts and crafts, Bible/worship time, food and more. Siblings are invited to attend and have their own separate activities with leaders.

Parents and caregivers can relax, enjoy art therapy, partici-pate in adult activities, hear speakers who are from the dis-ability community, enjoy an adults-only uninterrupted meal, OR do nothing at all and chill out in our parent escape room!

The event is ONLY $1 per person (donations welcome). This includes all the activities for the day as well as a pizza party

for the kids and a catered, adults-only lunch for the parents/caregivers.

Activities Include:

Art Escape for Parents/Caregivers by Debi Slaver

Bible/Worship Time for the entire family

Games and fun for all

Special Olympics Texas basketball drills

Bounce house

Adult Spa time by Ellen Dibler and friends

Create and Take crafts for special friends and siblings

Karaoke by DJ Dan for the entire family

Epiphany DanceArts — Modern Dance Lessons for all abilities — Special Per-formance for all families

To register, go to VictoryFlows.org and click on the “sign up for fun” link. For more information, email Shannon at specialneeds@irvingbible.org.

For families with special needsSaturday, October 31, 11 a.m.–4 p.m.Irving Bible Church

Fun & Freedom Fall Festival

According to the CDC, 14 percent of children ages 13 to 17 have been iden-tifi ed with a developmental disability.

The largest pumpkin ever measured was grown by Norm Craven, who broke the world record in 1993 with a 836 lb. pumpkin.

Chatter | 14

UPCOMING

OctoberOCTOBER 4

Drawing Near to God Through Prayer12:30 p.m. See ad, pg. 17.

Perfectly Blended — 9 a.m.Learn practical tips, and gain insight for raising your

stepfamily with wisdom. Register at irvingbible.org/

hopeandhealing.

Baptism orientation12:30–2 p.m. — West DRegister at irvingbible.org/baptism.

OCTOBER 10

Outing for single moms and their daughtersJoin us for an outing to the Dallas Arboretum for

their beautiful fall display. RSVP to Marsha at mtrib-

bett@irvingbible.org.

Kids’ Night Out “Fear Factor” (For kids from single parent homes)A night about critters from all over the world, and

discover why we shouldn’t be afraid of God’s cre-

ation! RSVP to mtribbet@irvingbible.org.

OCTOBER 11

Shop Talk featuring Craig Detweiler10:45 a.m. — West AJoin us for a conversation with Craig Detweiler. This will

be a great conversation for parents of kids in all ages

and stages. More info at irvingbible.org/parenting.

OCTOBER 16-18

Father/Daughter CampoutEnjoy time away, meaningful conversations, and bond-

ing with your daughter. Register at irvingbible.org/men.

OCTOBER 23-24

Tapestry Conference See ad, pg. 16.

OCTOBER 24

Girl Stuff — 9 a.m.Open to all girls in a single-parent family. Join us

to make crafts and visit the residents of Elmcroft

Senior Living Center. RSVP to Marsha at mtribbett@

irvingbible.org.

OCTOBER 30–NOVEMBER 1

Middle School Retreat — Sky RanchHow to handle being imperfect in a world

expecting perfection. Visit irvingbible.

org/students for more info.

OCTOBER 31

Fun and Freedom Event — 11 a.m.(For families with special needs)See ad, pg. 13.

NOVEMBER 1

Debby Wade at Marriage — 9 p.m.See ad, pg. 16.

The Table — 10:45 a.m.See ad, pg. 17.

NOVEMBER 5

Fashioned For Freedom — 7 p.m.See ad, pg. 10.

APRIL 2016

Holy Land Trip with Pastor AndySee ad, pg. 16.

Smiles NeededYou can make a di� erence at IBC by lending us just one thing: your smile. Join the Hospitality Team as an usher, greeter, parking attendant, or safety team member. You’ll make visitors and IBCers alike feel right at home — just in time for the busy holiday season! Contact Sherri at ssharp@irvingbible.org for more info.

November

Save the Date

SUNDAY COMMUNITY MEALS

6 p.m. — Town SquareMeals are $3 per person or $10 max./family.

10/4 Pizza, breadsticks, giant salad bar

10/11 Fajita Madness, chips and salsa, huge salad bar

10/18 Burgers or brats, chips, biggest salad bar in Irving

10/25 Giant baked potatoes and fixins, chili, best salad bar at IBC

If you’d like to serve on a Sunday night meal team, contact Pat O’Reilly at (214) 289-6176 or sun-daynightmeal@irvingbible.org.

WEDNESDAY MIDWEEK MEALS5–6:20 P.M.

Cost is $3/meal or $10 max./family. PB&J sandwiches are also available.

10/7 Lasagna, breadsticks, salad, dessert. Hosted by Mike Gwartney’s team.

10/14 Chopped beef sandwiches, cole slaw, pickles, baked beans, chips, dessert. Hosted by Mike Gwartney’s team.

10/21 Honey Baked ham, scal- loped potatoes, mixed veggies, rolls, salad, des- sert. Hosted by Bob Downey’s team.

10/28 Enchiladas, tacos, refried beans, chips and salsa, home-baked cookies. Hosted by Barbara Witte’s team.

Changes to the menu may be made depending on food cost, availability, and Bob Downey’s whim.

If you’d like to serve on a Wednes-day night meal team, please email bdowney@irvingbible.org.

CUPPA HOURS

Mon–Fri 9 a.m.–8 p.m.

Saturday 11 a.m.–5 p.m.

Sunday 7 a.m.–7 p.m.

BIBLE COMMUNITIESGroups on Sunday

Synergy9 a.m. — The AlcoveAll Welcome

The Tree9 a.m. — West D20s & 30s, married & young families

Crossroads10:45 a.m. — West CCouples & Families late 20s to 40s

Journey10:45 a.m. — The AlcoveAll Welcome

On Track10:45 a.m. — Conference RoomSingle Parents

Thrive10:45 a.m. — West DSingles in their 30s & 40s

Renew10:45 a.m. — Training CenterAll Welcome

Legacy Builders6:45 p.m. — West A — All Welcome

CHILDRENInfants Through 5th Grade

Children’s Sunday Services9 a.m., 10:45 a.m., 5 p.m.

Elementary MidweekBegins September 9, 6:30–8:30 p.m. Kids connect with friends and explore God’s word through small groups, food, fun! Visit irvingbible.org/elementarymidweek.

HOPE & HEALINGCommunity Care

Abortion Recovery CounselingContact Kym at (972) 560-4632 or kyeichner@irvingbible.org.

Recovery at IBCThursdays, 6:30–8:30 p.m. West Wing Youth LoungeA group for hurts, habits, and hangups. irvingbible.org/recovery.

The Living Grace GroupFor those with mental illness. Contact Heath at heathmurry@yahoo.com.

Family Grace GroupFor families/caregivers of those with mental illness. Contact Buzz Moody at myrabuzz@gmail.com.

NAMI Family-to-Family ClassContact Joey at joey@netbreezeinc.com or Debra at eumoore@yahoo.com.Stephen Ministry at IBC One-on-one ministry for hurting people. Contact stephenministry@irvingbible.org or call (972) 560-4636.

Spousal Abuse RecoveryContact kyeichner@irvingbible.org.

MARRIAGEGrowing Together

Marriage at IBC Contact bmassey@irvingbible.org.

Pre-Marriage Mentoring Visit irvingbible.org/marriage.

MENCommunity and Resources

First WatchFridays, 6:22 a.m. — The Commons New series, “FIT”Contact Nat at npugh@irvingbible.org.

First Watch ReplayTuesdays, 6:30 p.m.Training CenterContact brianarrington1@yahoo.com.

First Watch Xtra Wednesday, 6:30 a.m.Training CenterContact bcope@huntoil.com.

Visit irvingbible.org/men.

MISSIONLocal and Global

Prayer Meeting2nd and 4th Wednesdays6:45-8 p.m. — The Chapel

Laundry LoveFirst Saturday of the month 9 a.m.–12 p.m. Contact laundrylove@irvingbible.org.

New Friends New LifeServe dinner to women healing from sexual exploitation (every third Wednesday). Contact Christine at newfriendsnewlife@irvingbible.org.

SINGLE PARENTCommunity and Resources

Sit with us on Sunday!9 a.m. service, lowest right-hand section, Rows 5 & 6, facing the stage. Visit irvingbible.org/singleparents.

SPECIAL NEEDSCommunity & Care

Small Group for MomsSundays, 9–10:15 a.m.

In His Image Bible StudySundays, 6:30–7:45 p.m

Small Group for ParentsWednesdays, 6:30–8 p.m.

SonShine Pals and RoomCare during Sunday ministry.

Contact specialneeds@irvingbible.org.

STUDENTSMiddle/High School and College

Middle School SundaysSundays — 10:30 a.m.–12:15 p.m.The Commons

High School SundaysSundays, 6:45–8 p.m. Student Ministries area

IBC College MinistrySundays, 3:30 p.m.The Commons AnnexContact college@irvingbible.org.

High School MidweekWednesdays, 6–8:30 p.m.Join us for Bible study and community. See website for location and schedule

Middle School, The WWednesdays, 6:30 p.m.Next Gen Area Join us for a time of friendships and teaching.

WOMENCommunity and Resources

Women’s Fall Bible StudyTuesdays, 9:30 a.m. or 6:30 p.m.The CommonsJoin us as we study Proverbs.

Visit irvingbible.org/women.

2435 KINWEST Wednesday Nights at IBC

IBC Choir Kicks Off 9/9Wednesdays, 7–8:30 p.m.IBC Worship CenterContact Crystal at celwell@irvingbible.org.

ESL: English as a Second LanguageWednesdays, 6:30–8:30 p.m. Haven B, C, D

Citizenship ClassWednesdays, 6:30–8:30 p.m.IBC Conference Room

IBC Career Transition MinistryWednesdays, 6:30–8:30 p.m.

Microsoft Computer SkillsWednesdays, 6:30–8:30 p.m.The Training Center

Visit 2435kinwest.org.

ONGOING MEALS

Why is it taboo

to talk about sex at

church?Sex can be beautiful. Holy, even. And it was God’s idea. Join Marriage at IBC on November 1 for a special presentation on sex with Debby Wade, LPC, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Certified Sex Therapist. This presentation is open to all, but space is limited. This will be a very open, safe, and Christ-honoring discussion about sex in the context of marriage.

detailsNov. 1 at 9 a.m. in The CommonsOpen to everyone. No registration required.Questions? Contact Bekah at bmassey@irvingbible.org.

April 9–20, 2016Join Irving Bible Church and Pastor Andy on a life-transforming journey April 9-20, 2016, as you immerse yourself in the sights, culture, and breathtaking landscapes of the Holy Land! The Bible will come alive in ways you never thought possible; and your daily walk, prayer life, and un-derstanding of Scripture will be forever changed.

More Info: morningstartours.com/IBC838

Questions? Contact Donna O’Reilly at doreilly@irvingbible.org

TAPESTRY CONFERENCE

· O C T O B E R 2 3 - 2 4 ·

The 2015 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference will be held October 23 & 24 at Irving Bible Church. This year’s theme: Back to Basics. We are excited once again to welcome Dr. Karyn Purvis as keynote speaker.

We will offer three workshops on Friday, October 23. Saturday, October 24, will consist of nine breakout sessions and two general sessions.

More Info: tapestryconference.org.

Journey to the Land of the BibleApril 9–20, 2016Join Irving Bible Church and Pastor Andy on a life-transforming journey April 9-20, 2016, as you immerse yourself in the sights, culture, and breathtaking landscapes of the Holy Land! The Bible will come alive in ways you never thought possible; and your daily walk, prayer life, and un-derstanding of Scripture will be forever changed.

More Info: morningstartours.com/IBC838

Questions? Contact Donna O’Reilly at doreilly@irvingbible.org

TAPESTRY CONFERENCE

· O C T O B E R 2 3 - 2 4 ·

The 2015 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference will be held October 23 & 24 at Irving Bible Church. This year’s theme: Back to Basics. We are excited once again to welcome Dr. Karyn Purvis as keynote speaker.

We will offer three workshops on Friday, October 23. Saturday, October 24, will consist of nine breakout sessions and two general sessions.

More Info: tapestryconference.org.

Journey to the Land of the Bible

Drawing Near to God Through Prayer Prayer is one of the central avenues

of our transformation as we learn to entrust God with all we are and all we have. If you desire to deepen your prayer life, remove obstacles to prayer, or learn new ways to pray as you grow closer to God, then con-sider participating in this free event

When: October 4, 12:30–3:30 p.m. Where: The Training Center More info: jstein@irvingbible.org Register: irvingbible.org/explore

Film is one of our

culture’s most

powerful media.

How can we as Christ-followers engage it in a redemptive way? IBC has planned a screening of “The Martian” for anyone inter-ested in having a fun, thoughtful evening out.

Following the film, there will be a panel discussion with voices from both the church and film worlds. This event is also a great opportu-nity to give IBCers a non-threat-ening venue to introduce their unbelieving friends to Christian people and ideas.

IBC Movie Night A night out for IBCers and their friendsWHERE Movie House & Eatery in Flower Mound

WHEN Saturday, October 10, 6:25 p.m. (doors open at 6 p.m.)

WHO Anyone! But space is limited to the 134 seats in the theater. Keep in mind that “The Martian” is rated PG-13

COST $10 plus any food/drinks. No child care available. Tickets will be made available at the Town Square kiosk.

Welcome to the Table! The Table exists to engage people in a conversation about faith and the hard questions of life.

At IBC we seek to foster an open, relaxed and safe environ-ment. The Table is a place where your questions are invited and welcomed, and where you can voice your doubts. It is a place for you to explore Christianity with others on a similar journey.

Each of the fi ve sessions in this class focuses on an objec-tion to the Christian faith.

Register online or at the kiosk in the Town Square.

Questions? Contact jstein@irvingbible.org.

Seating is limited. To register, visit irvingbible.org/thetable.

Class Dates: November 1–22 at 10:45 a.m. (Sunday mornings) in the Living Room.

Welcome to the Table!

Chatter | 18

Altoids (breath mints) are less widely available in Britain — their country of origin — than in the USA to which they are exported.

HOW DO I GIVE?

My Time, Talents & SkillsFamily Promise Day Center VolunteersThe FP Day Center is where the adults go to devel-op a plan for housing and jobs while their kids are in school. If you could give a few hours a week or a month to spend helping at the Day Center, contact Merlyn at (469) 586-5374, or ma-n-me@msn.com.

Kroger and Tom Thumb RewardsThrough the Tom Thumb Good Neighbor and Kroger Neighbor-to-Neighbor Programs, every time you make a purchase, a portion of your total will be donated to IBC. Visit irvingbible.org/donate and fol-low the instructions. NOTE: Even if you have linked your Kroger reward card to IBC before, you must re-link your card for the new collection period. The Tom Thumb program is ongoing. Contact lwoo@irvingbible.org.

Laptops Needed2435 Kinwest has a new Microsoft Computer Skills class. In order to best serve the community, they need 5-10 laptops. Donated laptops must have Mi-crosoft Offi ce installed. Contact Shannon at2435kin-west@irvingbible.org.

Main Place VolunteersIf you have skills with electrical, plumbing, construction. HVAC, etc the Main Place in Irving could use some maintenance help. Contact Pam at themainplace@irvingbible.org.

Meal Team VolunteersIBC makes meals available both Sunday and Wednesday nights. These fun teams could use some additional volunteers to serve together. For Sundays, contact sundaynightmeal@irvingbible.org. For Wednesdays, contact bdowney@irvingbible.org.

Medical Professionals NeededOur weekly medical clinic needs professional health care providers (MD, PA, FNP) to provide treatment for our patients. Volunteers serve on a rotating basis and do not need to serve every week. Contact Charles at cpierce@2435clinic.org.

Mentor Kids in Single-Parent FamiliesMen and women are needed for gender-specifi c mentoring of children from single-parent families. Contact Marsha at mtribbett@irvingbible.org.

SeniorCare Volunteers NeededSeniorCare, a ministry of IBC, needs the following volunteers to help at assisted living and nurs-ing homes: a men’s group leader for Saturday or Sunday evenings, and leaders for Sunday morning services & communion twice a month at the Vil-lages; leaders for Sunday services twice a month at Ashford Hall; and volunteers to help with outings, personal visits and devotionals at MacAurther Hills. Please contact Mike at seniorcare@irvingbible.org.

Visitor Follow-Up Team (Rex Greenstreet Ministry)We are looking for a volunteer to make calls or send welcome emails (or both) to new visitors from IBC. Training and coaching will be provided. Contact Sherri at ssharp@irvingbible.org.

My ResourcesOnline Giving OptionIf you would fi nd it more convenient to donate to the ministries of Irving Bible Church online, visit irvingbible.org/give.

FIND A PLACE TO SERVEYou’ve come a long way since that fi rst breath mint. You’ve been busy worshipping, learning, relating, and committing. And it’s at this point that you might start looking around at all the people who help create those events — ushers, greeters, meal team members, table hosts, small group leaders, and the like. Your next step now is to join them! Consider your passions, talents and spiritual gifts and then ask about a place to serve. Visit irvingbible.org/serve.

JOIN IN WORSHIPSo you found the address, a place to park, and a breath mint on the way in. Good work! If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already taken the fi rst step — attending a worship service. This is the fi rst and most important place to start, so keep coming. Become a regular. Make sure to fi ll out a Newcomer Card. Tell us a little about yourself and let us know how we can engage with you. Somebody will reach out to you this week. Visit irvingbible.org/connect.

We’re glad you asked. Here are the steps to take for having your questions answered, fi guring out the IBC story, and, if you’re feeling ready, plugging in.

CHECK OUT THE NEWCOMER GATHERINGSo you’re kicking the IBC tires? Good! We’re so glad you’re here. The Newcomer Gathering is a great opportunity to meet church leadership, learn what IBC is all about, and connect with other newbies in a fun, relaxed environment. Next Newcomer Gathering: January 2016

SIGN UP FOR PROPELAll right! You’re feeling the IBC vibe and want to see where you might get involved. Propel is a 4-week class that explores the IBC calling and culture, and how your unique personality and passions fi t in. Meet many of our pastors and directors of ministries at IBC. Next Propel: February 2016

JOIN A COMMUNITYYou’re fi ring on all cylinders but something is missing. And that something is a someone, or a group of someones. Enter sermon-based Small Groups, Women’s Bible Study, First Watch, and more. We encourage you to fi nd a group and connect authentically with others. Visit irvingbible.org/adults.

Start

HOW DO I GET CONNECTED AT IBC?

FOR MORE INFO, VISIT IRVINGBIBLE.ORG/CONNECT OR LOOK FOR THE NEWCOMER GUIDES AT THE INFORMATION DESK.

Chatter | 19

Once upon a Thursday evening, with spirit spent and eyeballs bleary, Post the bedtime stories’ reading of wimpy kids and Hobbit lore – I plopped down on the divan, with universal remote in hand, Turned on the TV (not the 4K version I’d been begging for) To a program, weird and wanton, not the one I had hoped for. Something vacuous and nothing more.

Ah, distinctly I remember how glottal fry and nasal timbre Instantaneously dismembered once-bright neurons by the score. Yet I could not turn away to conversation or printed page – I was drowning in shallow seas of drama I had not once asked for.

“What is this trash?” I muttered as I notched the sound up more To better hear the blinged-out bore.

Of some outfit she was whining, it made her T-zone look too shiny As her selfie flash was lighting Botoxed lips and chem-peeled pores. She couldn’t get the background right. Her puckered duck face off a slight, She fired the assistant to her third assistant whom she’d hired days before.

“This is, like, a farce or something, so get your booty, like, out the door. But we’re still BFFs, right, forevermore?”

A commercial break thusly appeared – you thought this Tivo’d? Au contraire! For this instant was I born prepared to break the spell at its dark core. I seized upon my i-device to check ’twould be a stormy night, Then I launched my Instagram to see friends’ quinoa from the eve before. When in my feed – most unsuspecting – lurched that blinged-out demon spore Wearing a smile and not much more.

“Away with thee!” I duly screamed; prayed for salvation in my Twitter stream To banish the ghastly, airbrushed mien back to from whence it had leapt forth. But there betwixt Grumpy Cat memes, a most vile, promoted tweet Pushing bronzer on the masses whose pastiness upsets the bore “Get the #glow you’ve craved if you can’t vacay at the shore!” I flushed my cache – haunt me no more!

Perhaps if I went analog I could evade this plague’s onslaught – Alas, my effort was for naught at the big box discount store. For on the cover of In Touch, the bore protested much too much How celebrity disturbed her chi till even shavasana became a chore. I sensed impending regurgitation at the vapid self-report, Paid for my Kit Kat, then out the door!

Amidst the traffic’s give and take I pondered humanity’s mistake In lifting up this gleaming fake to a seat of honor in the world’s grand court. Wherefore didst we ere decide to reward coquettish glance and sigh? What harbinger of doom is this that we stuff our souls with such ordure, And shower adoration on a yoga-panted impostor? Plead the graven, “Watch me more!”

Back at home with children dreaming, the better half fitfully sleeping – I chanced again my timeline’s streaming, daring fate to find true north. But with each scrolling of the page, ten more examples of this fetid age: The rich, the famous, the loud, the shameless clamoring for one “like” more. Idols carved from pride’s own ore – Quothe the graven, “Love us more!”

Now upon this midnight dreary, I sit racked with doleful queries – Much aggrieved with modern theories for the existence of such ardor. These mannequins of celebrity trade for tarnish an eternal gleam Flaunt the proscription handed down to those who had, by grace, some worth

“Thou shalt not!” thus saith the LORD. Be gone, foul graven, forevermore!

Jason Fox digs casks, pendulums and tell-tale donuts.

Jason writes from Omaha, Nebraska, where he’s often told to stop being creepy.

THE GRAVEN A POE PARODY

The “ungainly fowl” quoths “Nevermore” six times in Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven,” first published in 1845.

Feline obsessed, Edgar Allan Poe often wrote with a cat perched on his shoulder.

Americans purchase nearly 600 million pounds of candy a year for Halloween.

As a questionable favor to Chatter readers, Jason Fox reads “The Graven” on video: http://bit.ly/TheGraven.

Chatter…you CAN take it with you. Send us your Chatter photos on location, and you may see yourself in an upcoming issue. Email us at chatter@irvingbible.org.

Chatter joined the IBC Haiti Team on a visit with Caleb Lucien of Hosean International Ministries.