Christ-centred families in the 21st Century

2. Sanctification by the word

Submission

• A wife needs to listen to her husband and help him develop the godly character necessary to run the house effectively.

• A wife needs to trust that her husband will make the responsible decisions for the family and allow him the space to do that.

• By having a mutual firm foundation in faith, submission for the wife becomes natural.

Christ and his bride• A proper understanding of our (male/female) roles, i.e.

marriage as a parable of Christ and his bride. There cannot be two heads.

• Mortifying the flesh is not without pain. To be able to put down your own ideas (and pride therein) of what is the correct way to handle a particular situation takes enormous self-discipline including everything from your speech and actions to your thoughts.

• This example of submission in marriage is a lesson to all about how we must submit to Christ.

• Hopefully each brother not just acknowledges his wife's efforts but loves her more tenderly for them just as Christ does.

Managing the role• Realizing that men by nature are more dominant than

women and trying not to compete with him. • Not contradicting him in public; and being careful how she

does it in private. • Accepting that his desires for couple/family hold more

weight that hers does. • Supporting him in ecclesial and other endeavours in a way

that is helpful to him and not just in the ways she "wants" to contribute.

• Accepting him as the "frontman" for the family in a variety of ways.

• Encouraging the children to honour/respect him by example and word.

Leadership

• Ultimately the husband should be taking on the role of Christ within the family taking the spiritual lead in terms of the importance of Bible readings as a family, attendance at all meetings, lives being centred around the word of God and the ecclesia.

• If after discussion on and around an issue if the husband favours a certain position / approach this is something that the wife should ultimately accept.

Problems, problems

• Finances, lack of trust, different priorities• Infrequency of seeing each other due to jobs

on different shifts, when money is tight and bills are hard to pay.

• I think in the times that are going on right now money puts a lot of stress on a relationship

• Finances, not agreeing on personal goals (i.e. saving for a new car, vacation, etc)

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Ingredients of a successful marriage

Listen and hear

• ‘Just listen when she really needs someone to hear and show that you really are listening, e.g. repeat the comment she has made, ask a follow up question to show you are paying attention.’

• ‘Have actual conversation, i.e. exchange of ideas and opinions, not just her speaking and the husband passively listening. Women need the emotional exchange of thoughts and emotions.’

Meeting her emotional needs• Communicate with her. Give her words of praise/

compassion as well as physical contact (hugs, kisses), and occasionally do something unexpected to show her you appreciate her patience with you (bring her flowers, cook her dinner, take the kids for a day, join her in her hobby). Write her a note/letter telling her how you love her. Do something you did while you were dating, it shows her that you remember the reasons you fell in love with her.

• Be available when a strong shoulder, listening ear or cuddle is needed… to realise that men and women are wired differently - a woman doesn’t want her husband to "solve" her problems, but to listen patiently to her 'vent' when needed and offer comfort and strength.

Adorning the doctrine

• Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

• Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 3:1-4

Led by the Word made flesh

• ‘Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the ecclesia and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word’

‘Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…’

‘Love never ends’