4.20 The Church Speech – 2001

While at the Fremantle refuge in Western Australia, I noticed staff paying close attention to my parenting, watching on in admiration for the way I was handling my children and particularly with regards to supervision.

Then one night after I put the kids to bed a new resident entered who wasn’t coping very well after being handed over by police bruised and battered; she was in a bad way. I sat down with her over a cup of coffee and introduced myself to make her feel welcome. A social worker warned me (as I am known to speak my mind) to tread carefully, as she is in a fragile state and went on to remind me that not everyone is as strong as I am. I replied with, ‘then why don’t you teach them to be?’ and she said, ‘until you’re a qualified social worker, you will stay out of it thanks’.

I realised what the problem was, aside from the abuse she had just escaped; she was being treated like a helpless victim, which is the worst thing you can do to someone who is seeking to change their circumstances of abuse.

So I thought I’d take the initiative, or a risk more to the point, and speak to her as if she was not abused but recognising her injuries at the same time. I was talking to her about choices and how sometimes in life we just make the wrong ones and further added that under no circumstances did she deserve what happened to her; however, in the spirit of positive change, we must take full responsibility for our own behaviours NOT THEIRS... This mindset was an alternative to a method of thinking that keeps us stuck in victimhood if we are not careful in how we process our life experiences. I quickly established where her interests and abilities lie and shifted the conversation onto them, encouraging her to pursue her dreams. Then I suggested a daily routine to help her feel better and of course, meditation for the non-religious to calm her mind.

Of course we bonded very quickly as she found a friend who understood her but this time I kept her at an arm’s length because of what happened with Melanie (the story listed above). At the end of one week the results were already taking shape. The social worker pulled me and asked me what I said to her, ‘nothing that you couldn’t have said, I just took a different approach’ I said, ‘and stopped treating her like a victim, that’s all’. She was very impressed and invited me to give a public speech at the local church this coming Sunday in front of politicians who they specifically invited to gain much needed funding; the priest was going to give a speech in support.

I agreed on the condition that she doesn’t tell me what to do. She didn’t like it very much because she had what she thought was a winning speech printed on paper (that she spent all night putting together and wanted me to read off it). I pointed out to her that if just reading she wants me to do, she can get anyone to do it, as there women in the refuge who read much better than me, me being dyslexic; however, if she wants me to work my God given gifts, then she’s going to have to give a blank canvas and move to one side for me to do what I do best – communication from the heart. I further explained that due to the way I process information, I do not do scripts and work off memory and life experience, which I believe is more effective than anything you can read out of a book. ‘Ok’ she said in a very nervous and untrusting tone of voice, ‘let’s do it Anne, we need this funding and please don’t stuff it up for me’.

Sunday came and all the children from the women’s refuge, including mine, were placed in day care (in-house), as they would only get bored and cause a distraction.

It was my turn to get up on the alter and the priest handed me the microphone. He asked where my script was and I told him I don’t need one; he wished me luck but the look his face was almost expecting me to fail.

To my surprise I gave a killer speech, which got a standing ovation when I finished. This was the first time I publically spoke in front of a large crowd, let alone politicians and I loved it – I was almost going to pursue study in politics.

I first gave a brief history of my personal experiences of domestic violence, speaking my mind from the bottom of heart and then I went on to explain the problems as to why women return to their abusive partners (because the cycle of abuse is not yet broken). I simply added that the abusive addictive cycle of domestic violence is an addiction like any other but not recognised to be one, an area that lacks much needed funding. And went on... ‘It is my understanding those cycles of abuse can affectively be broken by way rehabilitation following the 12 Step Program given to alcoholics’. I communicated all this over the microphone and added that with help of people of influence such as politicians (like themselves), we can not only reduce the numbers (to continue to see a decline) but also be proud to promote safer communities for our daughter and our daughter’s daughters and especially our son’s who grow up copying what they see if nothing is done, bearing in mind that the same sex parent is the strongest influence impacting heavily on child’s mind during the most crucial developmental years... and I went on and on just like this. I was only meant to give a half an hour speech, which turned into an hour and nobody complained while they were all sitting up grabbing every word I spoke.

The refuge got the funding they needed and the politicians were asking for my information. They offered me employment working with women and children of domestic violence from an office location as a case worker but only after undergoing training and completing my certificate III in Social Work; which was all paid for via government funding, organised by them.

I completed my certificate in The Morley Learning Centre but did not pursue a career in social work because I was quickly employed at a local bank once the kids and I left the refuge; and being a single mother, I can only stretch my time so far.