Webinar #1 Coaching Parents on

Believing & Letting Go June 5, 2013

MyCCA.net Webinar Series June 5th - July 9th

Coaching College Freshmen

Expert Presenters

Ferah Aziz

P. Carol Jones

Cyndy McDonald

Presenters

P. Carol Jones: Toward College Success http://towardcollegesuccess.com/

§  Ferah Aziz: launchphase2 http://launchphase2.com

Toward College Success:

Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing,

and Able? P. Carol Jones and Patricia Wilkins-Wells

http://towardcollegesuccess.com

•  ¼ of all college freshmen flunk out, drop out or mysteriously disappear off their university campus.

•  What can you do as an IEC to prevent

your students from contributing to this statistic?

Why is this important?

Parent Voice

“I remember when my own son graduated from high school.

Everything was, ‘this will be the last time we get to do…,’

whatever it was. So I had to gradually let go of the reins,

knowing there would be no curfew when he got to college. I

also realized that this would be the last really carefree summer

he would ever have, even though he had summer jobs

coaching and also training for a fall college sport.”

Prepare Parents for the COLLEGE Roller Coaster Ride

Parents §  Terrified to have

children on their own §  Elated they made it

this far! §  Will miss daily

interaction §  Worried about

studying §  Will it be too hard?

Students §  Elated to be on own §  Terrified to be on own §  Worried about making

new friends §  Worried about living with

a stranger §  Miss room/mom’s

cooking §  How to find ways to have

fun?

What’s the Difference?

College = A new mobile

”Your family mobile may be woefully lopsided, until time restores the balance.” -Virignia Satir, Family Therapist

Coaching Parents

§  Accept. Despite your feelings of trepidation, accept and celebrate the natural process of your child’s separation and development as he moves into adulthood.

§  Trust. It is important to trust your child’s decision-making abilities and acknowledge that it is time to hand over control to them.

§  Prepare. Prepare yourself mentally for the changes and adjustments you will undergo personally and at home.

Next Chapter: Parents

§  Parent role changes “Adulthood is what parents raised their children for. Finish the job by encouraging them to fly and letting them go.” Parent’s role as a coach.

§  Setting boundaries Have parents repeat after you: “ I will commit to…” and help them set boundaries for themselves and their children.

§  Finding their place Help students help themselves; emotionally, physically, academically and more.

Coaching the Parent

One consultant reported:

I tell parents “You can only say TWO things when

talking to your child:

•  Option 1: Your child has done something positive: “Good job,

John!”

•  Option 2: your child has a complaint: “Gosh, John, it sounds

as if you are having a tough time with ….(paraphrase

complaint). How are you going to handle that?”

Coaching the Parent

§  The Dreaded Phone Call: Around week 6-7 of freshman year, students often call home in a panic wanting to transfer or saying they are unhappy.

§ How to handle this? •  Be calm and avoid urge to rescue. •  Too often students transfer (30% transfer) without

even giving it one year. •  It often takes a couple of years to fully settle in.

Setting Boundaries: Communication

§  Communication Suggestion: One call per week. Sunday evening is ideal, because parent can ensure their child survived all the partying of the weekend, and is safely tucked in their dorm room.

§  Discourage daily cell phone calls •  Why is daily phone calls a bad idea?

Finding Their Place: Students

•  Encourage Responsibility ÷ Offer advice WHEN ASKED!

÷  Listen & talk through aspects of a situation they may not have thought of,

and then encourage them to make decisions!

÷  How many decisions do colleges students make where the wrong decision will truly cripple them?

Most important for parents to grasp: It’s not about you. If they understand that, most things will fall in line.

Financial Coaching

§  Credit Card v. Debit Card §  Emergency money – setting boundaries on

what is a true emergency! §  Financial expectations

•  Parents pay v. students pay

Communicating Expectations

Expectations play a big role in college success. Unfortunately, many parents have not made clear what they are expecting from their son or daughter once they land on a college campus.

Communicating Expectations

§ The MONEY talk.

§ The GRADES talk.

Communicating Expectations

§ The “Keep me informed” talk •  What do you mean I don’t get copied on

everything? •  What the $##!*@ is FERPA?

§ The “IF you are in TROUBLE talk”

Follow through

§  Set a date.

§  Be open to input.

§  Write out agreements.

§  Commit mutually by signatures.

Using MyCCA

§  Find My Spark- refer back to the personality

descriptions- they are still true and give tips to use in

college transition process

§  Broadcast email- targeted messages to seniors

§  Text students- keep connected; be their coach

§  Document sharing- resource list- other

Toward College Success:

Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing,

and Able? P. Carol Jones and Patricia Wilkins-Wells

http://towardcollegesuccess.com

College can be…

§  Loneliness and/or homesickness is normal §  Transitioning takes time

•  Each child has a different rhythm §  Expectations play a role in shaping the

transitioning experience §  The role parent needs to be one of support

and listening, not rescue.

A New Era

§  Mixed emotions for you and your child

§  Trust in yourself as a parent

§  Trust in your child as an emerging adult

Perspective

•  “Parenthood is a sometime job, not lifetime job. That doesn't mean

adult children shouldn't ask for advice or that you should not give it.

•  But there comes a moment when basically they should take their

own risks and live with their own consequences.

•  If you don't offer gratuitous advice or interfere under the guise of

"helping," your adult kids will tell you about their lives and tap your

well of experience.

•  And together you will forge an adult relationship that will nourish

them and you for a lifetime. If you meddle, they are likely to stay

away as long and as often as they can.

Next webinars Visit MyCCA.net to register!

Resources to share §  And One More Thing Before You Go. by Maria Shriver

§  Professors' Guide to Getting Good Grades in College by Jacobs and Hyman

§  The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College by Harlen

Cohen

§  The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience

by Harlen Cohen

§  I'll Miss You Too by Margo E. Bane Woodacre, MSW and Steffany Bane

§  How To Survive Your Freshmen Year edited by Bernstein and Kaufmann

§  Confessions of a College Freshman by Zach Arrington

§  Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing and Able? by P. Carol Jones

and Patricia Wilkins-Wells

Resources to Share §  How To Survive Your Freshmen Year edited by Bernstein and Kaufmann

Confessions of a College Freshman by Zach Arrington

§  Prepared Parent's Operational Manuel by Maria Carr

§  The Launching Years by Laura Kastner, Jennifer Wyatt

§  Making the Most of College by Richard Light

§  Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Coburn & Madge Treeger

§  What Now by Paul Case

§  Almost Grown: Launching Your Child from High School to College by Patricia Pasick

§  Parent’s Guide to College Life by Robin Raskin