colfax barkley v. nixon agnew - tx hs mock trial€¦ · nixon agnew, an individual, is the...

STATEMENT OF STIPULATED FACTS

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Texas High School Mock Trial Competition

2016 Case Materials

Colfax Barkley

v.

Nixon Agnew


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Cause No. 15-0221-B

COLFAX BARKLEY

AN INDIVIDUAL

Plaintiff,

v.

NIXON AGNEW

AN INDIVIDUAL

Defendant.

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IN THE LANDRY COUNTY

DISTRICT COURT

CASEMATERIALS

PREPARED BY:

Stephen W. Gwinn, Esq.

Chair, Mock Trial Committee

Jennifer Carroll, Esq.

Co-Vice Chair, Mock Trial Committee

Tasha James, Esq.


Seth Phillips, Esq.


James D. Blume, Esq.

Brenda Hight, Esq.

Brad Johnson, Esq.

Quinn Martindale, Esq.

Fred Moss, Esq.

Scott Seelhoff, Esq.

Cover Design, Fred Moss, Esq.

COPYRIGHT 2015-2016 TEXAS HIGH SCHOOL MOCK TRIAL COMPETITION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


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Cause No. 15-0221-B

COLFAX BARKLEY

AN INDIVIDUAL

Plaintiff,

v.

NIXON AGNEW

AN INDIVIDUAL

Defendant.

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IN THE LANDRY COUNTY

DISTRICT COURT

STIPULATIONS OF THE PARTIES

The parties agree and stipulate as to the following:

I.

This is a civil action that will be tried before a jury. Plaintiff, Colfax Barkley is suing in

an individual capacity. Nixon Agnew, an individual, is the Defendant. The cause of action on

trial is a claim of liability based on the theory of negligence, specifically, that Defendant was

negligent in causing a drone to crash onto Plaintiff’s property, killing Plaintiff’s dog and causing

severe emotional distress to the Plaintiff. This will be a bifurcated trial. The parties will only try

the issue of liability. Should the Defendant be found liable, there will be a separate trial on the

issue of damages at some future date. Monetary damages are, therefore, not at issue in this trial

and are not to be argued. In addition, Texoma is a strict negligence state such that the negligence

of the Plaintiff, if any, is not relevant.

II.

There are no defects in the pleadings. Defendant has properly appeared and answered.

The court has both subject matter and in personam jurisdiction over the parties. All questions of

fact are being submitted to a jury. Questions of law will be decided by the court.

III.

All exhibits included in the case materials are authentic and are accurate copies of the

originals. No objections to the authenticity of the exhibits will be entertained. The only exhibits

to be used at trial are those included in the case packet. The signatures on the witness statements


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and on all other documents are authentic and must be acknowledged by the witnesses. Exhibit 2

is agreed to be an accurate representation of the neighborhood, if not to scale.

IV.

Colfax Barkley, Adlai Cheney, and Tyler Aaron are to testify on behalf of Plaintiff.

They may not testify for or be called on behalf of Defendant. Nixon Agnew, Dallas Agnew, and

Dawes Wallace are to testify on behalf of Defendant. They may not testify for or be called on

behalf of Plaintiff.

V.

Plaintiff must establish the following elements by a preponderance of the evidence. To

sustain the burden of proof, Plaintiff must prove that Defendant shot at and caused a drone to

crash onto Plaintiff’s property, that in doing so Defendant was negligent and thereby proximately

caused the death of Plaintiff’s dog, and, as a result, proximately caused Plaintiff to suffer serious

emotional distress. The elements of Plaintiff’s claim are:

(1) Plaintiff is a person,

(2) Defendant shot down a drone on May 23, 2015,

(3) Defendant acted negligently in shooting at the drone,

(4) Defendant’s negligent act proximately caused the death of Plaintiff’s property,

one dog,

(5) Defendant’s negligent act proximately caused Plaintiff’s emotional distress.

(6) The emotional distress suffered by Plaintiff was severe.

Elements (1), and (6) are not in dispute.

VI.

The following Charge of the Court will be submitted to the jury:

The parties have stipulated that the occurrence in question made the subject of this

lawsuit happened on or about May 23, 2015.

The term "preponderance of the evidence" means the greater weight and degree of

credible evidence admitted in this case.

The term “negligence” means failure to use ordinary care, that is, failing to do that which

a person of ordinary prudence would have done under the same or similar circumstances or

doing that which a person of ordinary prudence would not have done under the same or similar

circumstances.

The term “ordinary care” means that degree of care that would be used by a person of

ordinary prudence under the same or similar circumstances.


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The term "Proximate cause" means a cause, unbroken by any new or independent cause,

that was a substantial factor in bringing about an event, and without which cause such event

would not have occurred. In order to be a proximate cause, the act or omission complained of

must be such that a person using ordinary care would have foreseen that the event, or some

similar event, might reasonably result therefrom. There may be more than one proximate cause

of an event.

The term “new and independent cause” means the act or omission of a separate and

independent agency, not reasonably foreseeable, that destroys the causal connection, if any,

between the act or omission inquired about and the occurrence in question and thereby becomes

the immediate cause of such occurrence.

An occurrence may be an “unavoidable accident,” that is, an event not proximately

cause by the negligence of any party to the occurrence.

VII.

The Charge of the Court is accurate and complete in all respects, and no objections to the

Charge will be entertained.

VIII.

Texoma Penal Code Section 423.003, “Illegal Use of Unmanned Aircraft To Capture

Image,” is as follows:

(a) A person commits an offense if without the consent of the individual or of a

person who owns or lawfully occupies the real property captured in the image the

person uses an unmanned aircraft to capture an image of an individual or privately

owned real property in this state with the intent to conduct surveillance on the

individual or property captured in the image.

(b) An offense under this section is a Class C misdemeanor punishable by a fine not

to exceed $200.

IX.

Texoma City Ordinance 41.08, “Discharging Weapons,” is as follows:

1. It is unlawful for a person to discharge a rifle, shotgun, revolver, pistol, gun, BB

gun or other firearm of any kind within the City limits except by written consent

of the City Counsel.

2. No person shall intentionally discharge a firearm in a reckless manner.

3. A person violating any provision of this Ordinance shall, upon conviction, be

subject to a fine of at least $65.00 but not to exceed $625.00. The court may order

imprisonment not to exceed 30 days in lieu of or in addition to a fine.


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X.

The following Questions will be submitted to the jury:

QUESTION NUMBER ONE

Did Nixon Agnew shoot at the drone and cause it to crash on May 23, 2015?

Yes ______

No ______

If NO, sign and return your verdict to the court. If YES, answer the next Question.

QUESTION NUMBER TWO

Did Nixon Agnew act negligently in shooting at the drone?

Yes _____

No ______

If NO, sign and return your verdict to the court. If YES, answer the next Question.

QUESTION NUMBER THREE

Did Nixon Agnew’s negligent conduct proximately cause the death of Plaintiff’s dog?

Yes _____

No ______

Regardless of your answer to this Question, answer the next Question.

QUESTION NUMBER FOUR

Did Nixon Agnew’s negligent conduct proximately cause the Plaintiff to suffer serious emotional

distress?

Yes ______

No _______


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VERIFICATION

FOREPERSON: Sign and return this verdict form to the court’s bailiff.

______________________________________

Foreperson Date

No animals were harmed in the writing of this Mock Trial case.

FACT STATEMENT OF COLFAX BARKLEY Page 1 of 3

FACT STATEMENT OF COLFAX BARKLEY 1 2

My name is Colfax Barkely. I am a thirty-year-old who recently, in the last few years, finally had 3 a “child” I could call my own. Granted, this “child” is a dog, but a very special dog with 4 numerous endearing traits, who touched my heart and those of many Americans. He was the 5 same kind of dog as in the movie “As Good as It Gets,” a little Griffon Bruxellois. Exhibit 4 is 6 his publicity headshot. Just like the one I have framed in his room in my home. 7 8 I named my new life companion Pixel Poo Poo, as he was so tiny and our first few encounters 9 were rather stinky. I adopted my loving companion, whom I also called P3, on February 14, 10 2010. Between Cesar Torino (dog trainer), and myself, this little creature of love became a 11 superstar. In fact, P3 was about to get his final cast call for playing Verdell, the dog in an “As 12 Good As It Gets” television remake with Jack Nicholson. P3 had also just been signed to be the 13 “spokesdog” for television endorsements for the Seelhoff line of canine cologne, primarily their 14 best seller, “Heat.” 15 16 When I adopted Pixel Poo Poo, the puppy just pee’d everywhere, but P3 became not only a 17 family member, walking with me every day, but his charisma made him everyone’s friend in the 18 neighborhood, especially RinTinTinny, my neighbor, Adlai Cheney’s dog. It was hysterically 19 funny watching the two play together. P3 became a working dog for me as well, as we 20 participated in dog shows in his second year with me and by 2013, P3 competed and won Best of 21 Show in the Eastchester Kennel Club Dog Show. (See attached photo, Exhibit 4). 22 23 Since then, P3 won other dog show championships, including the 2014 Eastchester Kennel Club 24 Dog Show’s first prize in the “toy” category, and was to become the “spokesdog” for a major pet 25 food manufacturer’s new “Yummy Tummy Treats” that was about to debut on the pet food 26 market nationwide. The value of this endorsement to me, as owner, just for the first year, was 27 $150,000. Winning at the Eastchester show certainly clinched the role as spokesdog, and my life, 28 my health care needs, would have been assured for at least eight years, based on P3’s life 29 expectancy! If selected, Pixel Poo Poo would have appeared in TV commercials and potentially 30 could also have earned tens of thousands of dollars as the new Verdell in the television series. 31 32 Ironically, the other top contender for spokesdog for Yummy Tummy Treats was the opposite 33 size! Yes, in fact, it was a huge German shepherd, owned by my dear friend, Adlai Cheney… 34 Can you believe it! Now, ironically, since my dog has perished, Cheney’s RinTinTinny will 35 probably get the endorsements. Can you imagine! Cheney lives so close! It could have been 36 Tinny killed by the Drone, but no, it was my little Pixel Poo Poo, my only family. Why me?!!! 37 38 How did it happen? That day I had shampooed P3, trimmed his toenails, and given him a blow-39 dry, a massage, and his favorite meal, roast beef tidbits and bacon. So P3 and I went outside to 40 enjoy the afternoon sunshine, in the backyard of our home at about 4 p.m. We both heard a loud 41 boom, and P3 suddenly stood alert, listening. We saw the whirring machine, winging, out of 42 control, into our yard coming from the southeast! It slammed into my little P3, a startled yip, and 43


then… stillness. I think that Exhibit 3.1 kind of looks like that machine, though the one that hit 44 my dog was damaged. 45 46 Earlier in the day, I had heard the loud kids’ party at Nixon Agnew’s house. I remember that I 47 had looked up and had seen a drone buzzing around. I did not think anything of it. 48 49 But then, I know, that neighborhood kid Dawes Wallace probably owned the drone and I bet that 50 hateful Agnew must have shot it. How else to explain the “boom” and suddenly, the drone 51 slamming into my dog, I was horrified. Hearing my brilliant dog’s last cry, and seeing the little 52 furry stillness with the weird thing atop his bloody little body… I called the police to report what 53 I witnessed, the “murder” of my only “child.” 54

Police officer Tyler Aaron responded, questioned me, and specifically asked about the two 55 neighbors known to have shotguns, Cheney and Agnew. I knew Cheney was really responsible, 56 and would never fire that gun in the neighborhood. We had developed an understanding 57 relationship, and I know Cheney would never shoot to endanger my P3… I know that the 58 neighborhood views Cheney as a solitary individual, always on edge, and everyone knows that 59 Chaney is an expert marksman. Chaney likes privacy and hates noise, invasions of privacy and 60 irresponsible parents. Chaney loves dogs and respects the rule of law. On the other hand, Nixon 61 Agnew seemed to particularly dislike Cheney. I think that Agnew frequently did things to irritate 62 Cheney, but Cheney was always pleasant to me. There is no way Cheney shot that drone. Period. 63 64 Officer Aaron saw what happened to P3, the drone, and asked what I saw. I have no doubt Nixon 65 Agnew shot the drone, which irritated us all. The drone was irritating, but shooting in the 66 neighborhood was a reckless act, and killed my lifeline, my income and my child. I want to be 67 fairly compensated for the hurt, the loneliness and the lost income that P3 would have provided 68 to me. 69 70 I have been unable to sleep without serious medication. I am being treated for Post-Traumatic 71 Stress Syndrome. I am about to tap out my insurance, and don’t have resources to pay for 72 additional therapy. My life has been ruined. My heart hurts every time I step outside and see my 73 backyard, as I re-live the horror. 74 75 As a result of the officer’s investigation, what I saw and heard that day of infamy, and my pain, 76 my loss, I have decided to sue Nixon Agnew and ask the jury to compensate me fairly for this 77 horrible injury and lost income. 78 79 This concludes my sworn testimony. Dated: June 19, 2015 80 81

Colfax Barkley 82

COLFAX BARKLEY 83 84


ADDENDUM TO FACT STATEMENT OF COLFAX BARKLEY 85 86

I suppose I need to clarify how I know the Nixon Agnew. And Dallas Agnew. 87 See, when P3 was about 2 years old, I had to travel for work. It was August 3rd, 2012. I knew 88 that Nixon Agnew, who I mistakenly believed to be a good person and a good parent, had a 89 teenaged child named Dallas. I decided to ask Dallas to watch P3. I gave express instructions for 90 the 3 days I was to be away, returning on the 6th. Dallas was welcome to spend time in my house, 91 watch my TV, and take care of my wonderful animal partner. Dallas was supposed to let P3 out 4 92 times a day and take him for a walk in the morning and afternoon. Feedings twice a day and 93 brushing teeth and hair twice daily. To my horror, when I got home, my precious little dog was 94 locked in his kennel, hair matted. It was clear he had been in the cage for a long time, as there 95 was, well, you know, everywhere. P3 was traumatized. I had to take him to a doggy psychologist 96 several times to return him to normal. I deduced after that the plain and simple fact that Dallas 97 and Nixon could not be trusted. I wrote Exhibit 8 probably a few days after the August 2012 98 abuse of my dog. 99 100 When I confronted them about the neglect of my dog, they both became very defensive. 101 Dallas spun some yarn about not understanding when I was supposed to return home and said 102 that the job had been performed. The job most certainly had not been performed. My dog 103 probably had nightmares until… well… that day. I refused to pay Dallas, Nixon became very 104 irate, yelling at me. As I turned and left, I noticed a shotgun sitting on a table in the house. How 105 irresponsible! 106 107 As for the ridiculous story Dallas tells about Pixel being aggressive, that never happened. 108 I can’t recall that adorable little love bug ever being aggressive towards anyone, not even the 109 person who tormented him. I don’t ever recall hearing Pixel bark in anger, even once. 110 111

As for me, I was an aspiring mixed-martial arts fighter when I got P3. After the 2012 112 neglect of my dog, and the winning of dog shows, endorsements, etc., I decided to quit that 113 profession and focus on managing my dog’s very bright career. I wasn’t going to take the chance 114 of damaging my dog’s career for my own selfish ambitions. See, being in the MMA field, you 115 have to travel to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City and Des Moines. Could I have won the 116 championship? Certainly. But I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my dog’s career for that aspiration. I 117 haven’t been able to regain the “eye of the slow loris” since I lost P3. 118

119 I have nothing more to add. Dated: day of trial 120 121

Colfax Barkley 122

COLFAX BARKLEY 123

FACT STATEMENT OF TYLER AARON Page 1 of 4

FACT STATEMENT OF TYLER AARON 1 2 My name is Tyler Aaron. I am a police officer in the Texoma City Police Department, 3 where I have worked for the last four years. I went to Texoma City Community College where I 4 received my associate’s degree in Criminal Justice. After getting my degree, I attended the 5 Texoma City Police Academy from which I graduated in 2011. 6 7 I am currently a member of the Neighborhood Patrol Team. Part of our job is to interact 8 with the community. In that role, I serve as a police department representative at community 9 events and attend community meetings. I am very familiar with the Kitty Hawk neighborhood as 10 it is part of the area of Texoma City for which I am responsible. Much of my job in the last six 11 months has been resolving minor complaints in that neighborhood. I have been called out for 12 noise violations from loud parties and barking dogs as well as for several complaints about 13 Dawes Wallace’s drones. Most of these visits involve warnings, but I have issued citations to 14 Wallace. Those citations were part of a city campaign to respond to the problems cause by the 15 local drone enthusiasts club Whazzup. 16 17 Recently, I and many other police officers have been trying to stop Whazzup’s flagrant 18 disregard for the law. Texoma law bans aerial photography but Whazzup members keep flying 19 drones with cameras and taking pictures. I frequently receive calls to go deal with yet another 20 flying drone. I’m really getting tired of it, and I think everyone else in town is too. About two 21 months before the incident, I had given Wallace a third citation for using a drone to take pictures 22 of people without their consent. That’s just creepy. 23 24 Of course, at first I didn’t think the incident was yet another drone incident. On the day in 25 question, Saturday, May 23, 2015, I thought it was a much more serious emergency. Dispatch 26 issued a call for the murder of a child. I was the closest patrol unit, and my adrenaline spiked 27 through the roof when I heard the call. I had never been the first on scene for a murder 28 investigation before, much less the murder of a child. I hit the siren and raced to Colfax 29 Barkley’s house. When I got there, I exited my patrol vehicle, raced to the door and pounded on 30 it, weapon drawn. 31 32 You can imagine my surprise when Colfax Barkley answered the door and informed me 33 the “child” in question was a dog! I informed Barkley, in a professional manner, that such 34 language was likely to mislead the police. After Barkley had finished crying, I was informed 35 how the “precious pooch” was killed. Upon further questioning, Barkley stated that there was a 36 blast then an explosion in the sky from the southeast. After the explosion, a chunk of burning 37 metal crashed down in the backyard, killing the dog. Barkley further stated that the blast had 38 come from across the alley behind the backyard. After I had finished questioning Barkley, I went 39 into the backyard, where I observed the wreckage atop the deceased pet. I determined that it was 40 a drone and that it had clearly killed the dog. I photographed the wreckage. 41 42


I left the scene, and proceeded to drive to the houses behind Barkley’s in my patrol 43 vehicle. I stopped outside the house across the alley from Dawes Wallace’s property. There was 44 no one home. I then proceeded to a house with a large privacy fence with a gate in the front. It 45 was the only such fence on the block and belonged to Adlai Cheney, a well-known competition 46 shooter. I again exited my patrol vehicle, and proceeded up the sidewalk to the gate. I pressed the 47 intercom and identified myself. Cheney asked me for my badge number, which I stated. After a 48 long wait, Cheney buzzed open the gate. As I reached the front door, Cheney opened it and 49 stepped outside. While the door was open, I observed in plain view a large glass gun case 50 containing 2 rifles and 7 shotguns. I also observed that Cheney was in the middle of watching the 51 first Galaxy Battles movie, which was paused on the TV inside the house. As a huge fan of the 52 series, I easily recognized the movie. 53 54 Cheney then closed and locked the door. Chaney loudly and aggressively stated that I 55 could not come inside without a warrant. I asked if Chaney had observed a drone flying above 56 the neighborhood earlier that day. Cheney stated that Dawes Wallace had been flying a drone 57 above Nixon Agnew’s house next door. Cheney further stated that drones were evil devices used 58 by creeps to destroy privacy. 59 60 I then asked whether Cheney had heard a gunshot earlier that day. Cheney smiled and 61 giggled. Cheney stated that Nixon Agnew had fired a 12-gauge shotgun earlier that day. Chaney 62 stated that Agnew had done the neighborhood a public service and that the drone had got what 63 was coming to it. I asked Cheney if there was a reason Agnew might have shot the drone. 64 Cheney stated that Agnew had been having a pool party for a teenage child earlier that day. 65 Cheney remembered the party had been at 2:30 pm because Cheney had had to complain about 66 the noise. Cheney further stated that Nixon Agnew was a hothead who was constantly bothering 67 the neighbors. Cheney stated that Agnew had even complained about Cheney cooking in 68 Cheney’s own backyard. 69 70 I then asked if Cheney owned a 12-gauge shotgun. Cheney admitted owning a firearm of 71 that type. Cheney then angrily denied having shot down the drone. Finally, Cheney yelled “this 72 interview is over. If you want to ask me any more questions, talk to my lawyer!” Then Cheney 73 turned, unlocked the door, and went back inside. Cheney then locked the door and yelled through 74 the door for me to “get off the property.” 75 76 After Cheney terminated my questioning, I proceeded to the residence of Nixon Agnew. 77 After I knocked on the door, Agnew invited me inside. I asked if Agnew had been bothered by a 78 drone earlier that day. Agnew stated that Dawes Wallace’s drone had been flying over the pool 79 earlier that day during their child’s birthday party. Agnew stated that everyone was fed up with 80 Wallace and the drone obsession. I confronted Agnew with the fact that the drone had been shot 81 down and had killed a dog. After hearing this information, Agnew recalled hearing a blast from 82 Cheney’s yard earlier that day and that the blast must have been Cheney firing a gun. I informed 83 Agnew that Cheney said Agnew had fired the shot. 84 85


Agnew was indignant. I asked if Agnew would consent to a search of the backyard. 86 Agnew consented to the search. Walking through the residence, I observed a disassembled 12-87 gauge shotgun on the kitchen table. The weapon had clearly been recently cleaned, and there 88 were rags and cleaning solvent next to the firearm. The strong odor of solvent prevented me from 89 smelling if the firearm had recently been discharged. I asked Agnew about the shotgun, and 90 Agnew stated that the shotgun was being cleaned prior to selling it at a gun show scheduled that 91 next weekend. The timing of the cleaning seemed unusual given the recent presence of children 92 in the house. 93 94 I proceeded to the back yard. Upon opening the back door, I saw in plain view an 95 expended 12-gauge shotgun shell sitting on a patio table. I examined the shell and noticed a 96 strong odor of gunpowder indicating that it had been recently fired. I then asked Agnew where 97 the shell had come from. At that point, Dallas Agnew said that the shell had come over the fence 98 shared with Chaney and that a friend of Dallas’s had retrieved the shell, handing it to Dallas. 99 Dallas, in turn, handed the shell to Nixon Agnew. Nixon Agnew again denied shooting the 100 drone. I asked Agnew if I could take the shell for evidence, and Agnew consented. Dallas asked 101 if Cheney would be arrested, I ignored that question. I took the shell, put it in my pocket so I 102 could put on latex gloves, then I placed the shell into an evidence bag, which I sealed. I then left 103 the residence with the evidence in my possession. I returned to the police station to log the shell 104 into evidence and took a picture of it, which is Exhibit 1. 105 106 I believe that Nixon Agnew shot the drone that day. No one was charged for that shooting 107 because it was determined that the evidence could not support the burden of proof in a criminal 108 proceeding. No matter how much I pleaded with my Sergeant, Sherman Theodore, he would not 109 let me push the case to the DA. 110 111 This concludes my sworn testimony. 112 113 Signed on June 19, 2015. 114 115

Tyler Aaron 116

TYLER AARON 117 118


ADDENDUM TO FACT STATEMENT OF TYLER AARON 119 120

I am aware that Nixon Agnew has accused me of sloppy police work. I did not interview 121 anyone else because Agnew’s statement was complete. There was no reason to fingerprint the 122 shell because it’s rare to ever get only fingerprints off a fired shell casing and the fact that, from 123 my investigation, several different people had handled the shell. Fingerprint overlay, smear and 124 obscuration would have been found on that shell. 125

126 I have looked for the picture that I took of Pixel Poo Poo at the Barkley residence. I took 127

that picture with my MePhone. Apparently, my spouse saw the picture and deleted it, not 128 realizing that it was evidence. I contacted Orange to see if there was some way to retrieve the 129 picture, but was advised that there was no way to do that. Really, it was just a picture of a drone 130 on top of a little, squashed dog. 131

132 I did not issue citations to anyone on the day of the incident, except for Dawes Wallace. 133

134 The drone, which I took from the Barkley residence, had an engraved plate that said “Property 135 Dawes Wallace” on it, so I was able to charge Wallace with destruction of property and use 136 of unmanned aircraft to capture an image. The charges are still pending. 137138

I didn’t charge anyone with discharging a weapon within the city limits because I was 139 unable to determine who had shot the drone. It is my firm belief that, after interviewing both 140 possible suspects that Agnew was the shooter. I base this opinion on the demeanor of both 141 Agnew and Cheney and the proximity of the houses to where the drone ultimately ended up as 142 well as the fact that there was an expended shotgun shell in the Agnew yard. I did not want to 143 waste taxpayer money by filing charges that could not be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. 144

145 I am familiar with Exhibits 1, 2, and 3 and they are accurate representations of what they 146

depict. 147 148

I have nothing more to add. 149 150

Signed this the day of trial. 151 152 153

Tyler Aaron 154

TYLER AARON 155 156

FACT STATEMENT OF ADLAI CHANEY Page 1 of 5

FACT STATEMENT OF ADLAI CHENEY 1 2 I'm Adlai Cheney. I'm 38 years old. I live at 45 Truman Lane alone except for my 3 German Shepherd, RinTinTinny. I'm a professional writer and I’m a very private person. I know 4 my rights. My neighbor Nixon Agnew killed Colfax Barkley's dog, Pixel Poo Poo. I had a soft 5 spot for that dog, so I'm giving this statement to tell what I saw. 6 7 I'm part of the Cheney clan, one of the wealthiest families in Texoma. I spent my youth 8 on the 80,000 acre family ranch estate in the Texoma Hill Country. As I grew up my parents kept 9 pushing me to join the family oil and gas business. One day I finally told them oil and gas was 10 boring and I wanted to pursue my true passion, writing political treatises. We had a big fight. 11 They said I wasn't worthy of the family name, kicked me off their property, and cut me out of the 12 family fortune. I haven't talked to them since. 13 14 I have a trust fund they couldn't cancel because it was in my name. I get a few thousand 15 dollars every other week from it. I saved up and bought my present home about two years ago. I 16 chose as upper class a place as I could afford, but it's still a big step down from my parents' 17 place. 18 19 I value my privacy and want my home to be like my parents', so when I moved in I made 20 some changes to the place. A true upper class estate needs a wrought iron fence in the front with 21 an imposing gate. You can't have nosy neighbors walking all over your lawn, peeking in the 22 windows, and littering in your bushes. If someone wants to go in, they need to go up to the gate 23 and introduce themselves over the intercom. Someone looks at the visitor through a camera and 24 decides whether to buzz the visitor in or not. My family had a fence and gate like that, so did all 25 our neighbors, and so do I. I've also got RinTinTinny patrolling the grounds to chase down 26 unwelcome visitors in case any get past the gate. Not even a squirrel can get onto my property 27 without Rinty attacking it. 28 29 I do most of my writing in a gazebo in my backyard. I've been working on my first 30 treatise for six years now. I'm going to put it up online soon. In it, I propose a unified theory of 31 the relationships between government, private property, and privacy rights. That's a fascinating 32 area for me because I'm very much a "good fences make good neighbors" kind of person. I take 33 that statement literally, in fact. I get very self-conscious when I know someone can watch me 34 writing, so I had a concrete privacy fence built around my backyard. I made it twelve feet, as tall 35 as the homeowner's association would allow. 36 37 When I'm not writing I love going to local shooting ranges. Breaking clay pigeons is my 38 favorite pastime. I don't like hurting animals, but knocking a moving target out of the sky really 39 makes me feel alive. Clay pigeons solve that problem. If it wasn't for the shooting ranges, I'd 40 probably never leave home except for groceries and occasionally walking Rinty. I've spent so 41 much time shooting I've gotten to be a pretty good shot. I've won the gold medal at the Texoma 42 Skeet Shooting Championship three years in a row so far. 43 44 Nixon Agnew killed Pixel Poo Poo on May 23, 2015. I spent that Saturday watching the 45 Galaxy Battles series on DVD. Galaxy Battles is a six movie space opera about a distant future 46


conflict in the Andromeda galaxy. The series tells the story of Quinn Airtrotter as he becomes a 47 Space Wizard, turns evil and conquers the galaxy, and then is defeated by an army of alien bears. 48 There's a seventh Galaxy Battles movie coming out later this year, and I wanted to refresh my 49 memory of what's happened in the series. 50 51 I was just getting into the story when I heard a loud pool party coming from the Agnew 52 house next door. Nixon Agnew is the Agnew family breadwinner and my nemesis. Nixon hates 53 me and I hate Nixon. 54 55 Our feud essentially started when I moved in. I was making a fine Texoma barbecue for 56 myself and RinTinTinny. I had six racks of baby back ribs on my backyard grill. The ribs were 57 being smoked over a big stack of hickory chips to impart that rich wood smoke flavor. I was 58 turning the ribs over on the grill when Nixon came over in a huff. 59 60 Nixon loudly told me the hickory smell was getting into sheets drying in their backyard. 61 Nixon demanded I stop barbecuing whenever the Agnews were doing laundry. I told Nixon it 62 was a free country, I wasn't going to ask for permission to cook, I was going to barbecue 63 whenever I pleased, and at any rate there was nothing wrong with a bed that smells of fresh 64 hickory smoke. Nixon got all twisted with rage but couldn't do anything. The homeowner’s 65 association doesn't allow clotheslines in the backyard. So there. 66 67 We had a bunch of other fights since, mostly about noise. Nixon thinks RinTinTinny is 68 noisy. I think Nixon's kids are noisy and dirty. We've yelled at each other countless times, both 69 over the phone, over the fence, and in person. 70 71 Anyway, the loud pool party was just the latest of Nixon's jabs into my life. I went into 72 the backyard and yelled over the fence for them to pipe down, but they pretended not to hear me. 73 74 While I was out in the backyard I also saw a drone buzzing around over the Agnew 75 pool. I knew immediately it belonged to Dawes Wallace, the oldest of the Wallace kids on the 76 other side of the block, because nobody else on the block has a drone. I've had my fights with the 77 Wallaces over Dawes's drones. Drones are dangerous, flying invasions of privacy and I'm trying 78 to get the homeowner's association to ban ownership of them from the whole neighborhood. 79 Dawes knows I hate drones and hate being watched when I'm writing, so Dawes often sends a 80 drone by my backyard to pester me. But that Saturday Dawes was bothering the Agnews, so it 81 wasn't my problem. 82 83 Sometime after 2 P.M. I took another break and went to the kitchen to make a prime rib 84 sandwich. While I was eating, the kids at the party started chanting and hollering something. 85 The party was loud, it was obnoxious, and it made my lunch taste bad. I spit out a mouthful of 86 bread and beef and called the Agnew house. Nixon picked up the phone. I gave Nixon an earful 87 about how the kids were violating my right to the quiet enjoyment of my own property. Nixon 88 mouthed a few lines about checking on noise, but I knew no one was going to do anything. I 89 slammed down the phone, waited for my upset stomach to settle down, and went back to my den 90 for more Galaxy Battles. 91 92


Around 4 P.M. I heard a shotgun blast come from the Agnew house. The sound was 93 unmistakably from a 12-gauge and I knew Nixon hunted ducks with a 12-gauge. At the time I 94 thought Nixon was upping the ante in our feud by introducing some celebratory gunfire. I told 95 myself I wasn't going to let Nixon get to me this time. I turned my surround sound system way 96 up and concentrated on Galaxy Battles. 97 98 I got a buzz at my front gate about an hour later. I checked the camera and it was 99 somebody dressed like a cop claiming to be "Officer Aaron." I got a badge number over the 100 intercom and called the police department to make sure this Aaron was a real cop and not an 101 imposter. Then I opened the gate and met Aaron at the front door. I wouldn't let Aaron in the 102 house. I know my rights and Aaron didn't show me a warrant. 103 104 Aaron asked if I'd seen or heard a drone that afternoon. I explained about Dawes 105 Wallace's drone. Aaron asked if I'd heard a gunshot. I explained about the 12-gauge I heard 106 Nixon Agnew fire. Aaron told me someone had shot down a drone with a shotgun. I put two and 107 two together and I'll admit I felt a bit gleeful at that point: Dawes Wallace would need to buy a 108 new drone, and Nixon Agnew would be going to jail for shooting it down! Two birds, one stone! 109 110 As much as I hated Nixon though, I could understand why Nixon would do it. Drones are 111 a menace to property and privacy rights. A whole volume of my treatise advocates for a right to 112 be free from drones. I call the volume Taking Back Privacy From the Sky. Dawes Wallace got 113 what drone owners richly, richly deserve, even if Nixon did break the law to do it. 114 115 It was only later in the evening when I found out the drone had crushed Pixel Poo Poo. 116 Colfax Barkley came over crying. Colfax is the only one of my neighbors I get along with. I met 117 Colfax shortly after I first moved in. I was walking RinTinTinny and Colfax was walking Pixel 118 Poo Poo. The dogs got along so well, that Colfax and I became friends. Colfax had offered to 119 take care of RinTinTinny while I was at the upcoming Texoma Skeet Shooting Championship. 120 121 We've taken care of each other's dogs several times since then. Colfax and I care for 122 animals, unlike Nixon. I only use a shotgun to shoot clay pigeons. Nixon goes duck hunting, 123 killing real live ducks that have done absolutely nothing to hurt anyone or invade their privacy. 124 125 Poor Colfax was absolutely heartbroken at Pixel Poo Poo's death. Pixel Poo Poo had 126 meant the world to Colfax. I told Colfax what Nixon did. Colfax broke down in angry sobs. I 127 encouraged Colfax to get some satisfaction from Nixon in the court system. 128 129 Pixel Poo Poo's funeral was the following Monday. I was the only one who came out to 130 the Steven King Memorial pet cemetery other than Colfax. We each said a few words about Pixel 131 Poo Poo's life. Colfax was crying the whole time. 132 133 Exhibit 6 is a picture of one of my shotguns. I was asked to provide a picture of the 134 firearm with which I won the TSSC, and that is the one I used and will use again, to shoot clay 135 pigeons. Exhibit 7 is an excerpt of my unpublished treatise, and I would very much like to know 136 how you came into its possession. 137 138


139 This concludes my sworn testimony. 140 141 Signed this 31st day of July, 2015. 142 143 144 145

Adlai Chaney 146 ADLAI CHENEY 147 148


ADDENDUM TO FACT STATEMENT OF ADLAI CHENEY 149 150 I keep my gun collection in a locked glass case in my den. I have exactly eight shotguns 151 and two rifles. Officer Aaron claims to have seen a shotgun missing from the case. Aaron must 152 be mistaken. I'd just polished my gun collection the previous night, and I would have noticed if 153 anything was missing. 154 155 Officer Aaron says a scene from the first Galaxy Battles movie, where a young Quinn 156 Airtrotter is initiated into the Space Wizards, was playing on my TV when we talked. I don't 157 remember what movie I was at then, but what Aaron says is possible. The Galaxy Battles series 158 is split into two trilogies, the “original trilogy” and the “prequel trilogy.” The original trilogy 159 contains the fourth through sixth movies in the story, but it came out in theaters first. I was 160 watching the movies in the order they came out, so the first Galaxy Battles movie would have 161 been the fourth movie I watched in my Galaxy Battles marathon. 162 163 I saw the seventh Galaxy Battles movie and it was horrible, a gargantuan mess of CGI. 164 The first six movies knew what they were doing, telling an epic story about Space Wizards. This 165 new movie is just CGI spaceship here, CGI explosion there, rinse and repeat. 166 167 Dallas Agnew is bald-faced lying about me tossing a shotgun shell into their backyard. I 168 didn't throw a shotgun shell, or anything else for that matter. Nixon got caught red-handed and 169 it’s apparent that Dallas is trying to cover up for a parent. And, if it is anyone’s business, the shell 170 pictured in Exhibit 1 is the same brand of shell I use. In fact, it is the only brand of shell I use, 171 but I didn’t use one that day. 172 173 I got a notice last week saying Dawes Wallace was suing me for shooting down the 174 drone. I'm supposed to go to small claims court next month. I didn't shoot down the drone but I 175 don't feel like going to court twice in one year. Yesterday I called Dawes and offered to pay the 176 cost of the drone, contingent on Dawes never flying a drone over our block again. Dawes hasn't 177 decided whether to accept my offer or not. 178 179 Nixon says our feud started when I paved a driveway between our houses. It's true we did 180 fight over that, but Nixon was already mad at me over the rich hickory scent of my barbecue. 181 After I paved my driveway Nixon declared it was a few inches over the property line and 182 demanded I pay for a surveyor to prove it. I said my driveway was on my property and dared 183 Nixon to take me to court over it. Nixon hasn't done anything about the driveway since. 184 185

I have nothing more to add. 186 187 Signed this the day of trial. 188 189

Adlai Chaney 190 ADLAI CHENEY 191

FACT STATEMENT OF NIXON AGNEW Page 1 of 4

FACT STATEMENT OF NIXON AGNEW 1 2 My name is Nixon Agnew. I have been sued by that crazy neighbor of mine, Colfax 3 Barkley for killing that toy dog. I’m real sorry about the little mutt, but it wasn’t me who shot 4 down Dawes Wallace’s drone. It was that obnoxious, paranoid neighbor who lives next door to 5 me, Cheney. Talk about weird….. 6 7 I live at 49 Truman Lane with my spouse, Schuyler, and my three kids: Dallas, who just 8 turned 18, is the oldest, Fairbanks is next in line and is 10, and little Clinton is 8. They are a 9 handful, but basically very good kids. Dallas is graduating from Richard Mentor Johnson High 10 School this year and is going to UT -- THE University of Texoma – in the fall. Dallas has a 11 partial golf scholarship and WILL BE the next golf super-duper star, and a millionaire before 12 turning 23. 13 14 I am a real estate agent and make a good living working for Hebby Olladay Realtors 15 selling upscale, previously-loved houses. The market is great right now. My neighborhood is 16 really upscale. Houses start at $700K. No “mid-century moderns” around here. Five years ago, 17 this development was just a cow pasture. New is good! 18 19 The day the little dog was squashed, Dallas was having a birthday pool party at the house 20 with several classmates. I recall that Dawes Wallace, who is a classmate of Dallas’s was not 21 there. I’m not sure why. I think it has something to do with the fact that one of Dallas’s closest 22 friends is now dating the person Dawes was dating and it would have been awkward if Dawes 23 was there. Something like that. Anyway, there were about a dozen kids at the house from about 24 noon to about 5:00 p.m. swimming in our pool. It was a warm, beautiful spring day. 25 26 Around 2 or 3:00, my nut-job next-door neighbor, Adlai Cheney, calls my house and 27 complains that the kids are making too much noise and are disturbing “the enjoyment of 28 privacy.” Huh? The kids were laughing and horsing around like you’d expect from teenagers. 29 The music was not very loud. I told Cheney that I’d check on the noise, but that the party would 30 be over soon, so basically I said, in effect, “chill out.” I didn’t try to quiet the kids. Kids need to 31 be kids. 32 33 Besides, Cheney is the neighborhood grouch and is just plain hard to get along with; 34 always complaining about something. What is worse is that Cheney is probably crazy. I mean 35 truly paranoid. Cheney’s front gate is covered with “No Solicitors,” “Beware of Dog,” and “Do 36 Not Enter Yard” signs. The mail box is at the sidewalk so even the mail deliverer can’t enter the 37 locked and gated yard. There is video surveillance and a state-of-the art intercom system at the 38 gate. No one can get to Cheney’s front door without passing inspection and being “buzzed in.” 39 Cheney also has a large, menacing German Shepard that roams the perimeter of the house 40 protecting it against intruders or whatever. The house is like a 3300 square foot fortress. A 2-41 foot thick, 12-foot high solid cement privacy wall – the highest in the development – surrounds 42 the spacious and inviting backyard, complete with a gazebo, which would be great for 43 entertaining. 44 45


Cheney and I have “issues.” When Cheney paved the driveway next to my property and 46 when the 12-foot wall was put in, I think they were a couple of inches on my lot. I’ve 47 complained and asked Cheney to hire a surveyor to verify where the lot line is, but Cheney 48 refuses. So, I’m going to have to hire one to do it. If Cheney is on my lot, I’m going to sue. Also, 49 I have had to complain about Cheney’s German Shepard’s barking at night. If it even thinks it 50 sees so much as a squirrel it goes nuts. We really don’t talk unless one of us is complaining about 51 the other over something. 52 53 Back to the day Colfax Barkley’s dog became a furry Frisbee. No. Really, I’m sorry the 54 pooch got “pixelated.” Little Pixel got pixelated! Funny! The whole neighborhood is in stitches. I 55 understand the dog made more money than Barkley. But, it’s tragic, really. I guess. 56 57

So, around 4 p.m., we invited all the party guests into the house to dry off and to have 58 some cake and ice cream, with Dallas blowing out candles on the cakes and all that jazz. I was 59 inside doing something, probably dishing out ice cream or opening soda bottles, when I heard a 60 loud “boom.” I had a shotgun and used to duck hunt until my weekends got filled selling houses, 61 so I know what a 12-gauge shotgun blast sounds like. What I heard was a 12-gauge blast from 62 the rear of my house and to the right. In other words, it sounded like it came from Cheney’s 63 backyard. I rushed out into my backyard, but could not see into Cheney’s yard because of the 64 wall. I didn’t hear or see anything, so I went into the house and continued to help with the party. 65 66 Around 5:30 p.m. a police officer, Officer Aaron, came to my door asking if I had shot at 67 a drone that had been over the neighborhood that afternoon. I told the officer that I had seen a 68 drone buzzing over the backyards in my block, and assumed it was Dawes Wallace’s. Dawes 69 Wallace has an unhealthy obsession with drones. The officer then revealed that the drone had 70 been shot down by someone in this vicinity and that it fell and killed Barkley’s dog a couple 71 houses away. I told the officer that I heard the blast and thought it came from Cheney’s yard. 72 The officer said that Cheney accused me of shooting the drone! That weasel! Then the officer 73 asked to inspect my backyard. Of course, I consented. I mean, who wouldn’t consent to a search? 74 On the way to the backyard, the officer spotted my shotgun on the table in the den. I had been 75 cleaning it just before party started, when I got distracted by the arrival of the guests. I left it 76 cleaned but disassembled on the table. I was cleaning it before trying to sell it online on Gregg’s 77 Gun List, which I did. Like I said, I haven’t had time to go hunting in the past couple years, so I 78 thought I’d sell it and buy a handgun. Or maybe a taser. Living next to a scary weirdo who has a 79 closet full of rifles…..one can’t be too safe. Everyone knows that Cheney is a champion skeet 80 shooter. Hitting that drone while it was hovering over my yard would have been easy cheesy. 81 82 Anyhow, Aaron just nodded, picked up the barrel, sniffed it, held it up to the light and 83 looked into it. Then, the officer put it down and we went to the pool area. I was telling Aaron 84 about the party and seeing the drone when Aaron saw an expended shotgun shell on a table. I 85 was dumbfounded and said I had no idea where it came from. Dallas was with us, and said this 86 shotgun shell came flying over the wall from Cheney’s yard into ours not long ago, and that I 87 wasn’t in the yard when it happened. Aaron smelled the shell – it was a 12-gauge shell – and 88 commented that it had been recently fired. I again denied shooting at the drone. Because I didn’t 89 shoot the drone. I didn’t shoot AT the drone. I didn’t shoot that day. Exhibit 1 looks like that 90 shell that Aaron took from my yard. I didn’t care, it wasn’t mine. 91


92 Aaron asked to take possession of the shell, and I said that was fine with me. Again, it 93

wasn’t mine. I asked Aaron if Cheney was going to be cited or arrested for shooting at the drone, 94 but the officer just grunted and said nothing. I haven’t heard anything about this matter from the 95 police or prosecutor since. Not too long after that, Barkley sued me. ME! ME? Why me? 96 Another casualty of common sense. 97

98 Exhibit 5 includes is a picture of the shotgun I owned and sold. 99

100 This concludes my sworn testimony. 101

102 Signed this 17th day of September, 2015. 103 104 105 106

Nixon Agnew 107 NIXON AGNEW 108


ADDENDUM OF NIXON AGNEW 109 110 I realize that Dallas has said that I wasn’t inside the house when the gun blast occurred, 111 but Dallas is mistaken. I believe I was in the kitchen while Dallas was with the guests in the 112 dining room. Plus, Dallas was opening presents and was not paying any attention to me. Dallas 113 just didn’t see me. Schuyler was not at home at the time. 114 115 Yes. Dallas is correct. When we saw and heard the drone buzzing over the pool party, 116 Dallas said it was Dawes Wallace’s and Dawes was spying on the party to see who was there. I 117 admit that I was somewhat perturbed and may have said something like, “Dawes will be sorry.” 118 What I meant was only that I intended to complain to Dawes’s parents and possibly to the police. 119 In this state, it is a crime to spy on people with a drone, and Dawes is spying on the 120 neighborhood all the time with drones. I didn’t mean I was going to shoot it out of the sky! 121 122 Yes. I still have ammunition for my 12-gauge, and it is the same brand as the shell the 123 officer found in my yard. But, it is probably the most widely used make of shotgun shell. 124 Everyone uses that brand because it is reliable and cheaper than Remington or Winchester 125 ammo. 126 127 Officer Aaron failed to take my fingerprints to compare to those on the shell. I’ll bet if 128 the prints on the shell were compared, they would have matched Cheney’s. Now, we’ll never 129 know. The officer just didn’t do a thorough investigation. 130 131 I have nothing more to add. 132 133 Signed this the day of trial. 134 135 136 137

Nixon Agnew 138 NIXON AGNEW 139

FACT STATEMENT OF DALLAS AGNEW Page 1 of 3

FACT STATEMENT OF DALLAS AGNEW 1 2

My name is Dallas Agnew. My parent, Nixon Agnew, has been sued by one of our weird 3 neighbors (we have a bunch), over a totally weird freak accident that happened during my 4 birthday party. It was my 18th birthday party, and my parents said I could invite a bunch of 5 friends over to party and cook out around our pool. We have a totally cool back yard and pool, 6 perfect for parties. And thanks to another weird neighbor, “Crazy” Cheney (that’s what we all 7 call that wacko), we’ve got a 12-foot privacy wall that keeps anyone else from snooping around 8 when we’re out there. We call it the Great Wall of Cheney. Nixon (doesn’t everybody call their 9 parents by their first names now?) and Crazy Cheney have had this like, feud, going on for quite 10 a while, and in my opinion, they complain about the goofiest stuff. Like, Nixon gripes about the 11 barbecue smoke, and two stupid inches on the property line, and Cheney yells about us making 12 too much noise and disturbing some precious privacy, even with that ginormous wall. I really 13 think Cheney started it all, but now they both just seem to look for picky things to whine about. 14 Grownups are weird that way. Me and my friends are determined we won’t grow up to be that 15 weird. 16 17

Well, it used to be true about having lots of privacy in our backyard with that Great Wall 18 of Cheney right there, but then that little geek, Dawes Wallace, started flying this drone thing all 19 over the neighborhood with a camera attached! I mean, O.M.G.! I know there’s been trouble 20 about Dawes flying that thing around before, and now they say it’s only supposed to be for 21 “community service,” like a high-school geek with a drone could really do anything helpful for a 22 community. I’m sure. Dawes is just a little sneaking spy who flies that drone around seeing what 23 all the neighbors are doing, and has a bunch of geeky friends over to watch it on TV. All those 24 little geeks should just turn off all those electronics and get a life. Know what I mean? But I 25 guess if you’re so geeky, nobody but other geeks will hang out with you, not like the totally cool 26 kids that come to my parties. I mean, that’s really why Calhoun Coolidge broke up with Dawes 27 about a week before the party. Who would want to watch cool people having fun on TV instead 28 of being one of the cool people having fun? Really, I’m not surprised someone got mad enough 29 to shoot that pesky little drone out of the sky; I’m just surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Dawes 30 thinks “Crazy” Cheney shot it down, and even though I don’t like Dawes, I’m totally sure that’s 31 what happened. I remember seeing a drone buzzing around during my party, and I think that 32 Nixon may have said something like, “Dawes won’t be flying that drone over here anymore soon 33 enough.” We were all creeped out by is, but we just tried to ignore it. 34 35

So, back to that party, because that’s when all this happened. We were just hanging out, 36 swimming and eating (I know, you’re supposed to wait an hour after you eat to go back in the 37 water, but seriously, who really does that?). Anyway, around 4:00, Nixon called for everybody to 38 dry off and come inside for cake and ice cream (and, of course, for opening of all my excellent 39 birthday presents). Most of my friends had already gone inside, but me, Gerry, and a few friends 40 were straightening up the deck chairs and cleaning up all the leftover food stuff around the grill 41 when there was this loud boom that sounded really close by. I was pretty sure it was a shotgun, 42 because I’ve been out with Nixon shooting a few times, and it sounded just like that. I remember 43


looking around to Nixon and saying something like, “Wow, was that a shotgun?” And Nixon 44 said something like, “I think so!” Nixon carried stuff into the house, and then one of my friends 45 (I don’t remember who it was) yelled that they had seen something thrown over The Great Wall. 46 My friend ran over and picked it up and brought it over to show me. It was definitely a shotgun 47 shell, and I think it was the same kind Nixon uses, but they all look pretty much alike to me. 48 Anyway, after we looked at it, I put it down on the picnic table so it wouldn’t get lost, and we all 49 went inside. Everything was cool after that, particularly the part where I got to open presents, 50 until that police officer came to the door later and told us about that yappy little dog getting hit 51 by a drone that got shot down. 52 53

I’m not totally sorry that it was that particular dog, though. That little mutt got me in 54 trouble last month, and I was absolutely doing nothing wrong. A couple of friends and me were 55 walking down the street, having a little contest to see who could find the goofiest or creepiest 56 lawn ornament in the neighborhood. And believe me, there are LOTS of candidates; those weird 57 little gnome things, about a hundred of those ugly flamingos, bizarre little sculpture 58 things….man, sometimes I think there’s some kind of requirement that you be a freak to buy a 59 house in this neighborhood. Except for us, of course, and a couple of other cool folks that I think 60 must have sneaked in while the Anti-Freak Filter was malfunctioning. Anyway, we were walking 61 down the street, and suddenly there was this drone (I’m pretty sure it was Dawes’s, but it was 62 moving really fast and it came from behind us) that started just buzzing that yappy little dog out 63 in its front yard. The mutt was scared, and ran straight at me and my friends and started growling 64 and snapping at us like somehow we were responsible for this weird thing out of the sky. I yelled 65 at him and acted like I was going to kick him, just to get him to leave us alone, and that’s when 66 that crazy Barkley came running out yelling at us to quit harassing the poor little dog! Barkley 67 (just one more freak in our neighborhood sideshow) actually called my parents to yell about 68 animal abuse and threatened to call the SPCA, and I got restricted from texting for eight entire 69 hours. Do you have any idea how much can happen in eight hours? 70 71

I’m sorry for the little dog, but I totally wish someone had gotten that on video; it would 72 have gone viral on MeTube in about 5 minutes! So anyway, that’s how I’m sure it couldn’t have 73 been Nixon who shot down the drone, because we both heard it and were surprised by it, and I 74 was right there in the back yard when it happened. 75 76

This concludes my sworn testimony. 77 78 Signed this 17th day of September, 2015. 79 80 81

Dallas Agnew 82 DALLAS AGNEW 83


ADDENDUM TO FACT STATEMENT OF DALLAS AGNEW 84 85 Yeah, I play golf. I’m not as fanatical about it as my folks, but I’m better than either of 86 them. Golf is going to help pay for college next year. My senior year, I won out District 87 Tournament and took 3rd at State. I’d have won State if I hadn’t missed those 4 short putts. But 88 no one is perfect. 89 90 I must have been confused by all the excitement and the party stuff when I gave my 91 original statement, because I said then that Nixon had been right beside me when we both heard 92 that boom when the drone got shot down. I remember now that I thought Nixon was right beside 93 me, and said what I said, but when I looked around for an answer, I didn’t see Nixon. A second 94 later, about the time my friend found that shotgun shell, Nixon came running up from the 95 basement and asked me if that was a shotgun that went off. I guess Nixon was afraid one of my 96 friends had been messing with the shotgun that was left on the table in the house or something. 97 Anyway, whether Nixon was beside me or down in the basement, there’s no way Nixon could 98 have shot down that drone. And that shotgun was literally in pieces on the table. 99 100 I also should have told the story about taking care of that weird little dog, Pixel. See, 101 Barkley asked me to take care of the dog a few years back, when I was really young. I remember 102 it like it was yesterday. Barkley showed up at our door and asked if I would watch this little dog. 103 I met the dog, and I’ll admit, he was totally cute. We got along great. I asked what was involved 104 in caring for the dog. Barkley took me to the house, which was decorated in this weird 70s style, 105 and showed me around. Basically, I was going to take care of the dog over the weekend, 2 walks, 106 2 romps in the backyard, feedings, brushing teeth and combing hair. Barkley would be back on 107 Sunday night. I was given a key and the code to the alarm. 1-2-3-4. Really? That’s the kind of 108 code a moron has on their luggage! Anyway, I took better care of that dog than I did myself! I 109 hung out over there, watching movies, drinking soda, eating popcorn and chilling. Then, on 110 Sunday evening, I took Pixel on a long walk and I was done. Barkley was going to pay me $200 111 per day! 112 113 Next thing I know, Barkley is at my house on Monday evening screaming about 114 abandoning Pixel! I would never do that! Barkley clearly said Sunday! Even since then, that dog 115 has had it in for me. I’d be sad, but, I’m really not. 116 117 That Exhibit 5 looks like Nixon’s old shotgun. I haven’t seen it in a while. 118 119 I have nothing more to add. Dated: day of trial 120 121

Dallas Agnew 122 DALLAS AGNEW 123

FACT STATEMENT OF DAWES WALLACE Page 1 of 4

FACT STATEMENT OF DAWES WALLACE 1 2 My name is Dawes Wallace. I recently turned 18 years old. I live with my parents, Kitty 3 Wallace and Hawk Wallace, and my younger twin brothers, Orville and Wilbur. We live at 37 4 Earhardt Drive in Texoma City. I am a senior at Richard Mentor Johnson High School. I am 5 enrolled in the AP Science Program. I graduate in the spring. 6 7 I have been asked to give my statement, probably because my drone was shot down. It’s 8 the worst aviation disaster I have endured. I started my flying career in 7th grade science class 9 building rockets. It was exciting watching the rocket motor explode, and the rocket get propelled 10 through the air and head into the clouds. That got boring pretty quick. Once the rocket was 11 launched, there was nothing left to do but watch. That’s when I started flying radio controlled 12 airplanes. Those were much more interesting. I thought it was like being a real pilot, except they 13 crashed a lot. Real planes don’t really do that. At least not as much as radio controlled planes. I 14 guess it really depends on the airline. And maybe the pilot. 15 16 A few years ago, I heard about the government using drones. Those were so cool. The 17 government could drop bombs or spy on people without having a pilot ever leave the bunker. 18 They’re way better than rockets or radio controlled planes. With a camera, you can see where 19 you are flying, and look down and see people and stuff. It’s like sightseeing without ever leaving 20 the ground. That’s when I started reading about personal drones. I finally bought my first one 21 about two years ago. Mine has a camera. It doesn’t have bombs and stuff. I don’t think you can 22 buy those at the hobby store or even on-line. Not even if you say you’re over 21. 23 24 I remember my first drone. It was a QuayleAir DC 2500. It had large twin rotors, and a 25 range of about 250 vertical feet, and ½ mile horizontal range. The battery range was limited, and 26 flying time was about 30 minutes, depending on the weight of the camera. The camera was kind 27 of buggy, but it was still very cool to see where you were flying. There was a little incident with 28 that one. I think that’s when I came to the attention of the Texoma cops. I was flying around 29 testing a new camera configuration. I happened to fly over Cameron Breckenridge’s house. 30 Cameron claimed I was spying, and called the cops. Totally not spying. Just hovering, testing 31 the camera zoom and auto-focus. The fact that I was using human subjects is like totally 32 irrelevant. I wasn’t really looking for or at anybody. Of course it was probably Cameron getting 33 mad about being caught with Jamie Burr when everyone knew that Cameron was supposed to be 34 dating Reagan Hannibal. I took the heat for Cameron’s cheat. None of my friends, who were 35 watching the feed on my parents 60” Samsung high def television screen through a wireless feed, 36 got into any trouble at all. 37 38 I was cited for invading privacy. Even though I didn’t do anything, we worked out a deal. 39 I got deferred adjudication, but had to complete some community service and receive some 40 “group counseling,” or as I call it, Time Wasting. 41 42 After attending that group, we were all required to sign the Directive Resulting in 43 Overhead Nuisance Elimination. (D.R.O.N.E.). Cute. The D.R.O.N.E. is a document that people 44 sign agreeing only to use drones for good, and not to do bad things. The group that makes this 45


stuff up meets once a week at the park and fly their drones around and stuff. Reminds me of my 46 rockets and radio controlled plane days. Flying in circles. They do encourage us to use drones for 47 “community services” like finding missing dogs and lost children. I guess that’s good. Did I 48 mention my drone doesn’t have bombs and stuff? So it’s not like if I don’t attend the dronefest, 49 I’m out destroying the world. 50 51

After “graduation” and signing my Pledge of Allegiance to the forces of good, I treated 52 myself to the new Hobart-Garner CX-20 GPS Auto Pathfinder Quadcopter. They were having a 53 special on Nile.com, that online merchant. Now this is a very sweet bird. Quad rotors, vertical 54 flight of 750 feet, horizontal distance of over one mile, and the LiPo will hold up to 5 hours on a 55 single charge. The SJ40000 IP 60 Waterproof 1080 FHD Sport DV Morton Action Camera 56 mounts onto a specially designed gimble, and the pictures are amazing. I have had so much fun 57 with this thing. But not doing anything bad, only doing good deeds and stuff. Like helping old 58 ladies across the street. LOL. Anyway, Exhibit 3.1 and 3.2 is what my drone looked like before it 59 got shot. 60 61

I had owned the H-G for about 2 months before it was shot out of the sky. They think I’m 62 up to no good, but I’m not out destroying other people’s property. What happened on May 23, 63 2015 is actually pretty simple. Some friends had come over to my house. I had linked the new 64 camera to the television via Wi-Fi so we could all enjoy an aerial tour of the neighborhood. I was 65 using my MePhone to control the H-G using the meDrone app available through Orange. I think 66 we were looking for a raccoon that had been invading the trashcans in the area. Community 67 service and whatnot. Anyway, we just happened to be tracking what we thought was a rabid 68 raccoon near what happened to be Dallas Agnew’s house. How were we to know that Dallas was 69 having a party? We definitely weren’t spying. Even though several of the people there were 70 totally dateable, and Dallas’s friend, Gerry Elbridge, is totally datable. Maybe even prom-able. 71 And it was a pool party, so they were like in bathing suits and stuff. Totally not spying, though. 72 Just being observant while engaged in our community watch, searching for a raccoon. 73 74

We were not really hovering, but has made a slow pass or two over the alley between 75 Dallas’s house and some other houses in the neighborhood. I think we were at 100 feet over the 76 yard. Maybe 50. Plenty high to clear houses and fences, but low enough to see details. Kinda 77 weird what happened next. My drone caught just a puff of smoke in the corner of the camera. It 78 made a little bounce just a fraction of a second before we heard the “boom” at my window 79 coming from the same direction as Dallas’s house. The noise sounded like it came from a 80 cannon. I can’t imagine anyone in the neighborhood has an RPG or anti-aircraft guns in their 81 backyard, but then again, if anyone does, it would probably be that crazy Cheney. Cheney’s 82 always up in arms about some kind of security or privacy issue, and even tried to have the 83 Homeowners’ Association ban drones altogether. Chaney has called the cops on me before for 84 flying my drone around the neighborhood. I kinda think that Crazy Cheney’s yard would be 85 consistent with where the H-G was flying when we saw that flash, but I can’t be totally for 86 certain. But I’m pretty sure I’m right. My parents helped me hire a lawyer to sue Crazy Cheney 87 to get my money back for the drone. That case is in Small Claims Court before Judge Nance. I 88 think we are going to have a trial next month. 89 90


I think the blast or the missile or like whatever it was took out one of the rotors or the 91 circuit board on the H-G. I was still getting picture from the camera, but my controls weren’t 92 really working. Things got really confusing. I was like OMG. My drone started spinning. I 93 remember seeing people in the back yards, but it was hard to see who was who. I tried to keep 94 her under control, but it was really not happening. I know she veered off. I think I was only 95 working on two rotors-not enough to maintain a straight flight or altitude. All I remember is the 96 drone dropping in a sideways yaw. The last camera image I saw was like this big puff of fur or 97 hair. I thought I hit a bear. Or that raccoon. That would have been ironic. 98 99 After graduation, I hoped to enter the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado 100 Springs, Colorado. In order to enroll, I have to have a clean record. Any disciplinary problems 101 could cause my admission to be denied. I sure hope that this incident can be cleared up soon so 102 that I can enroll. I would do anything to not ruin my dreams of flying drones for the Air Force. 103 104

This concludes my sworn testimony. 105 106 Signed this 11th day of September, 2015. 107 108 109 110

Dawes Wallace 111 Dawes Wallace 112 113 114


ADDENDUM FACT STATEMENT OF DAWES WALLACE 115 116

We were set for trial in my case against Cheney last year. But Cheney’s lawyer sent us a 117 letter offering to try settle the case. The Judge decided that since we could maybe settle the case, 118 we should do that before getting a trial setting. So, the case got moved to June of 2016, and we 119 have to mediate or something first. We are supposed to mediate the case next week. All I know is 120 that I’m out about $6,000 and Cheney has offered something like $2,500. That won’t do for me. 121 122

I’ve been cited 3 times by the cops, but 2 of those were dismissed by the Judge, my Uncle 123 Harry. The cop didn’t show up anyway. Those 2 were right at the first when I was flying my first 124 drone. For whatever reason, they really pushed that third citation and that’s when I had to go to 125 group and join D.R.O.N.E. I haven’t been cited since, and, before Cheney shot my drone, 126 probably, I was actually helping people. I found a hole in one of my neighbor’s roofs and they 127 got it fixed before this massive storm hit. 128

129 Since I lost the H-G, I have been flying my QuayleAir, but honestly, it just isn’t as much 130

fun. I did help find that little kid that got lost down by the creek, but there were like 10 of us 131 using our drones. I also saw this man trying to break into a house and called the police. I was 132 sure I was going to get an award or something. It turned out to be the guy who owned the house 133 and had locked himself out. I probably shouldn’t have said I thought he had a gun, because they 134 clearly didn’t need the SWAT team to talk to the homeowner. 135 136

Someone may have mentioned a group of droners called Whazzup. I am not a member of 137 Whazzup, never have been and never will be. Those guys use drones the wrong way. They 138 approached me about joining and, after watching what they were doing with their drones, I 139 decided against it. I still don’t know how those guys get away with it. One of them, I’m not 140 saying who, once flew his drone into this old lady’s house and she almost had a heart attack! I’d 141 never join them, no matter how many times they asked. And they did ask. And they keep asking. 142

143 I’m still waiting for the charges against me to go away. I still hope that they do. 144 145 I have nothing more to add. 146

147 Signed this the day trial. 148 149 150 151

Dawes Wallace 152 Dawes Wallace 153

154

TRUMAN LANE

BARKLEY’S BACK YARD DAWES WALLACE’S HOUSE ALLEY GAZEBO

THE AGNEWS’ BACK YARD ADLAI CHENEY’S BACK YARD CHENEY’S DRIVEWAY Exhibit 2

Taking Back Privacy From The Sky

3

pair of cases from the 80s, the Supreme Court said there's nothing wrong with peeking into someone's backyard as long as you're doing it from the air! Our archaic legal system hasn't realized there's a difference between flying to travel and flying to peek. The illegitimate need, peeking, gets camouflaged as the legitimate need, traveling. Invasion of privacy from the air is going to become more and more of a problem as flying to peek becomes easier and easier. It started with the Goggles search engine company taking pictures of everyone's backyard from space and putting them online. And now there are cameras are on every street corner. Any kid with a couple hundred bucks can buy a drone and snoop on the whole neighborhood. Let's recap the way things are now. You're in the privacy of your own backyard, minding your own business on your own property. Some stranger flies a drone overhead, spies on you, takes pictures of you and your property, splashes them all over the Internet for all the world to see. You don't like it? Too bad! It's your problem! You should have built a big domed roof over your backyard like some kind of football stadium! This situation is intolerable. Society must recognize a right to be free from aerial surveillance, both from the government and everybody else. This volume is dedicated to exploring the contours of this right and how it can be established. First off, all satellite and drone photography needs to be banned without permission of the owner of the land. There is no reason for this kind of photography except to invade someone's privacy. Next, the country must enact a constitutional amendment overturning those 80s Supreme Court cases. Flying over someone's backyard to peek in needs to be just as illegal as climbing the fence.

Exhibit 7

colfax barkley v. nixon agnew - tx hs mock trial€¦ · nixon agnew, an individual, is the...

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