Communicating with Communicating with others: an NLP others: an NLP approachapproach

Hugh Russell

passionate sometimes twisted

Hugh Russell

passionate sometimes twisted

Hugh RussellHugh Russell

www.thinking.iewww.thinking.ie

hugh@thinking.iehugh@thinking.ie

Quiet signalQuiet signal

1.1. Raise handRaise hand

2.2. Full focussed Full focussed attention (no attention (no talking/working)talking/working)

3.3. Signal othersSignal others

GoalsGoals

Explain the basic principles of NLP Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning.relation to learning.

Recognise the value of outcomes and Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositionsaccepting convenient presuppositions

Describe how individuals filter Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & information: how we delete, distort & generalise.generalise.

Explain visual, auditory and Explain visual, auditory and kinaesthetic processing modes and the kinaesthetic processing modes and the use of predicates words and phrases.use of predicates words and phrases.

Identify the principles of establishing Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do rapport and explain how we can do this.this.

Apply Meta model & hypnotic Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn.language patterns to help others learn.

NLP is concerned with..NLP is concerned with..

The study of the underlying structure The study of the underlying structure of subjective experienceof subjective experience

Its about how we process and make Its about how we process and make sense of the worldsense of the world

Its about how we communicate with Its about how we communicate with others and ourselvesothers and ourselves

What is NLP?What is NLP?

Neuro: How the mind works & how Neuro: How the mind works & how we thinkwe think

Linguistic: How we use language & Linguistic: How we use language & how this affects ushow this affects us

Programming: How we sequence our Programming: How we sequence our actions to achieve our goalsactions to achieve our goals

GoalsGoals

Partners in pairs alternate Partners in pairs alternate generating oral responses:generating oral responses:

“ “ What were the goals of this What were the goals of this workshop?”workshop?”

- You must alternate suggestions, one - You must alternate suggestions, one person may not give 2 suggestions in person may not give 2 suggestions in a row. If you get stuck join another 2.a row. If you get stuck join another 2.

GoalsGoals

Explain the basic principles of NLP Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning.relation to learning.

Recognise the value of outcomes and Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositionsaccepting convenient presuppositions

Describe how individuals filter Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & information: how we delete, distort & generalise.generalise.

Explain visual, auditory and Explain visual, auditory and kinaesthetic processing modes and the kinaesthetic processing modes and the use of predicates words and phrases.use of predicates words and phrases.

Identify the principles of establishing Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do rapport and explain how we can do this.this.

Apply Meta model & hypnotic Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn.language patterns to help others learn.

Basic principles of NLP Basic principles of NLP communication excellence.communication excellence.1.1. The importance of managing our emotional stateThe importance of managing our emotional state

2.2. Accepting the presuppositions – guiding Accepting the presuppositions – guiding principlesprinciples

3.3. Building Rapport – the quality of relationshipBuilding Rapport – the quality of relationship

4.4. Outcome oriented thinking – knowing what you Outcome oriented thinking – knowing what you wantwant

5.5. Feedback – sensory acuity - how you know you Feedback – sensory acuity - how you know you are being effectiveare being effective

6.6. Flexibility – ability if it is not working to change Flexibility – ability if it is not working to change our behaviourour behaviour

Presuppositions:Presuppositions: convenient convenient assumptions we can choose to accept assumptions we can choose to accept when we use NLP.when we use NLP. You cannot not communicateYou cannot not communicate In terms of reality the “map” is not the territoryIn terms of reality the “map” is not the territory People respond to their experience not to reality People respond to their experience not to reality

itselfitself Having a choice is better than having no Having a choice is better than having no

choice.choice. People make the best choice they can at the time.People make the best choice they can at the time. Every behaviour has a positive intention.Every behaviour has a positive intention. The meaning of communication is in the The meaning of communication is in the

responseresponse you get. you get. The person with the most The person with the most flexibility of flexibility of

behaviourbehaviour will control the system will control the system Resistance is a sign of a Resistance is a sign of a lack of rapportlack of rapport. .

Cause and Effect Cause and Effect Equation?Equation?

Know your outcomeKnow your outcome

Communication needs an outcome

Outcome or problem Outcome or problem thinking?thinking? Outcome Outcome

orientationorientation – – consistently consistently thinking in thinking in outcomes and outcomes and having a purpose. having a purpose. We need it in our We need it in our personal life and it personal life and it is essential in is essential in businessbusiness

Problem thinkingProblem thinking – – Here the focus is on Here the focus is on what is wrong, what is wrong, questions focus on questions focus on the past or present.the past or present.

““What’s wrong? What’s wrong? When did we start to When did we start to get it wrong? Whose get it wrong? Whose fault is it?. They often fault is it?. They often make you feel worse make you feel worse and less resourceful.and less resourceful.

Questions to use for outcome Questions to use for outcome oriented thinking.oriented thinking. What specifically do you want? What specifically do you want? Where are you now? Where are you now? What will you see, hear & feel when you have What will you see, hear & feel when you have

it?it? How will you know when you have it? How will you know when you have it? What will this outcome get for you or allow you What will this outcome get for you or allow you

to do?to do? What resources do you have? What resources do you have? Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want

this?this?

INFORMATION

FILTERSFILTERS ValuesValues BeliefsBeliefs Meta Meta

programmesprogrammes MemoriesMemories DecisionsDecisions

FILTERSFILTERS ValuesValues BeliefsBeliefs Meta Meta

programmesprogrammes MemoriesMemories DecisionsDecisions

INFORMATIOn

Internal Internal RepresentationRepresentation

PicturesPictures SoundsSounds FeelingsFeelings TastesTastes SmellsSmells Internal Internal

dialoguedialogue

Internal Internal RepresentationRepresentation

PicturesPictures SoundsSounds FeelingsFeelings TastesTastes SmellsSmells Internal Internal

dialoguedialogue

STATESTATE

PHYSIOLOGYPHYSIOLOGY

BehaviourBehaviour

ResultsResults

NLP Communication Model

Maximise your ability to Maximise your ability to communicate bycommunicate by Recognising the filters of the person Recognising the filters of the person

with whom you’re communicatingwith whom you’re communicating Understanding your own filters so Understanding your own filters so

you can adjust themyou can adjust them Adapting your language to reflect the Adapting your language to reflect the

other person’s filtersother person’s filters

Visual, Auditory & Visual, Auditory & KinaestheticKinaesthetic

Language offers clues to VAK Language offers clues to VAK preferencespreferences Visual - you are likely to say “Let me Visual - you are likely to say “Let me

take a look”take a look” Auditory - you are likely to say “Let Auditory - you are likely to say “Let

me talk it through”me talk it through” Kinaesthetic - you are likely to say Kinaesthetic - you are likely to say

“Let me get a feel for this”“Let me get a feel for this”

If I could If I could SHOWSHOW you a you a CLEARCLEAR way in way in which we could (potential benefit or which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want their values), you would at least want to to LOOK LOOK at it, wouldn't you?at it, wouldn't you?

So if this So if this LOOKS GOODLOOKS GOOD to you we can to you we can go ahead and go ahead and FOCUSFOCUS on how to do it. on how to do it. Can’t we?Can’t we?

If I could If I could TELL TELL you a way in which you a way in which we could (potential benefit or their we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to values), you would at least want to HEARHEAR about it, wouldn't you? about it, wouldn't you?

So if this So if this SOUNDS GOODSOUNDS GOOD we can go we can go ahead and ahead and DISCUSSDISCUSS how to do it. how to do it. Can’t we?Can’t we?

If I could help you If I could help you GET A HOLD OFGET A HOLD OF a a CONCRETECONCRETE way in which we could (potential way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least benefit or their values), you would at least want to want to GET A FEEL GET A FEEL for itfor it , wouldn't you?, wouldn't you?

If this If this FEELS SOLID FEELS SOLID to you we can go ahead to you we can go ahead and and FIRM UPFIRM UP on how to do it. Can’t we? on how to do it. Can’t we?

Matching & mismatching Matching & mismatching language patternslanguage patterns ““It sounds as if we’ve talked about all It sounds as if we’ve talked about all

the key points”the key points” ““I can’t get a grip on how the system I can’t get a grip on how the system

crashed again”crashed again” “ “ My perspective has changed as My perspective has changed as

more evidence has come to light”more evidence has come to light”

Exercise: Timed pair shareExercise: Timed pair share

1.1. Topic: using VAK predicatesTopic: using VAK predicates

2.2. Take 5 minutes to thinkTake 5 minutes to think

3.3. Partner A shares partner B listensPartner A shares partner B listens

4.4. Partner B responds then says” One Partner B responds then says” One thing I learned listening to you thing I learned listening to you was..”was..”

5.5. Partners switch rolesPartners switch roles

RapportRapport

RapportRapport

Rapport is the process of building Rapport is the process of building and sustaining a relationship of and sustaining a relationship of mutual trust, harmony and mutual trust, harmony and understanding. understanding.

This happens through matching the This happens through matching the accessing cues from words, eye accessing cues from words, eye movements and body language. movements and body language.

Establish Rapport by…Establish Rapport by…

Matching & mirroring the other Matching & mirroring the other personperson• Physical mirroring/Body posturePhysical mirroring/Body posture• VoiceVoice• BreathingBreathing• BlinkingBlinking

Meta programme: Meta programme: internal/externalinternal/externalInternal: use Internal: use

expressions expressions ““ultimately only ultimately only

you can know”you can know” ““Judge for yourself”Judge for yourself” ““Weigh up all the Weigh up all the

facts & decide”facts & decide” ““The decision rests The decision rests

on your shoulders”on your shoulders”

External: use External: use expressionsexpressions

““The general The general consensus of opinion consensus of opinion is..”is..”

““Research shows..”Research shows..” ““Others have..”Others have..” ““Several schools Several schools

have implemented…”have implemented…”

Meta programme: Meta programme: toward/away fromtoward/away fromToward termsToward terms Lets go for itLets go for it I wantI want Get things movingGet things moving SolutionsSolutions AccomplishAccomplish AdvantagesAdvantages

Away from termsAway from terms Watch out forWatch out for I don’t wantI don’t want Put off untilPut off until ProblemsProblems Be careful ofBe careful of The down sideThe down side

Exercise: Timed pair shareExercise: Timed pair share

Topic: Rapport buildingTopic: Rapport building

1.1. Take 5 minutes to thinkTake 5 minutes to think

2.2. Partner A shares partner B listensPartner A shares partner B listens

3.3. Partner B responds then says” One Partner B responds then says” One thing I learned listening to you thing I learned listening to you was..”was..”

4.4. Partners switch rolesPartners switch roles

Deletion, Distortion & Deletion, Distortion & GeneralisationGeneralisation Deletions:Deletions: Important information is left Important information is left

out and this limits thought and action.out and this limits thought and action. Distortions:Distortions: Information is twisted in a Information is twisted in a

way that limits choice and creates way that limits choice and creates unnecessary problemsunnecessary problems

Generalisations:Generalisations: One example is taken One example is taken to represent a class in a way that to represent a class in a way that narrows possibilitiesnarrows possibilities

What does the Meta model do?What does the Meta model do?

1.1. Gathers information. By challenging deletions Gathers information. By challenging deletions the model recovers important information the model recovers important information that has been left out.that has been left out.

2.2. Clarifies meaning by asking for specific Clarifies meaning by asking for specific information.information.

3.3. Identifies limits by challenging the rules & Identifies limits by challenging the rules & generalisations you/others are applying to generalisations you/others are applying to your thinking – it demonstrates where your thinking – it demonstrates where you/others are limiting yourself.you/others are limiting yourself.

4.4. Gives choices by showing the limits of Gives choices by showing the limits of language and enriches your map of the world.language and enriches your map of the world.

Generalisations we use

Response Find counter examples “Never?” “What would happen if you got it right?” “What if…”

“What would happen if you didn’t?” Also “Or?” “What outcome does this option get for you?”

“What prevents you?” “What is blocking you?” “What would happen if you did?”

Learn to say I want instead of I can’t…

Universal Quantifiers. Generalisations such as all, every, always, never, everyone, no one etc. e g “I never get it right” “ We always get it wrong”

Modal operators of necessity as in should, shouldn’t, ought, must, must not, have to, need to e g “ I have to do this”

Modal operators of Possibility (or impossibility) as in can/can’t, will/won’t, may/may not, possible/impossible e g “ I can’t do this”

Distorted Patterns

Response. “How do you know they don’t think you can do it?” “ What outcome do you want?”

“How specifically” “How does what she does cause you to choose to feel angry?”

“How does not understanding it now mean you will never be able to learn it…”

Mind Reading. Claiming to know someone’s internal state. E g “They don’t think I can do this”

Cause – effect: Where the cause is put wrongly outside of self. e g “She makes me angry”

Complex equivalence. Where two experiences are interpreted as being synonymous. e g “ I don’t understand it, I’ll never learn it.”

Deleting the missing parts

Response. “Specifically who’s not communicating what to whom?” “How would you like to be communicating?”

“How specifically?”

“Who says its bad?” Specifically how is it bad?”

“What about exactly?”

“Who specifically does what they want?” “ “What do they want?”

“Badly compared to what?” “Worse at what specifically” “How can you improve?”

Nominalisations. Process words which have been frozen in time, making them nouns. e g “There is no communication here”

Unspecified verbs. e g “ This is nonsense”

Judgements. Value judgements where the person doing the judging is left out. e g “It’s a bad thing to keep asking”

Simple deletion e g “It makes me nervous & uncomfortable”

Lack of referential index. Fails to specify person or thing. Eg” They will do what they want”

Comparisons as in good, better, best, worst, more, less Eg “I did that badly” “I’m the worst”

Topic: Using the Meta model Topic: Using the Meta model patternspatterns

Think about any of the Meta model Think about any of the Meta model patterns for 1 minute & any questions patterns for 1 minute & any questions you want to ask about it.you want to ask about it.

In pairs: A interviews B then switch rolesIn pairs: A interviews B then switch roles Pairs form group of 4Pairs form group of 4 Round robin: each participant shares Round robin: each participant shares

with team what he/she learned in the with team what he/she learned in the interview about using the Meta model.interview about using the Meta model.

Milton Model language Milton Model language patternspatterns ““A set of sentences that, because they are A set of sentences that, because they are

deliberately unclear, direct the listener to deliberately unclear, direct the listener to discover the meaning of what you’re discover the meaning of what you’re saying by forcing her to explore her own saying by forcing her to explore her own experiences. The listener goes inside her experiences. The listener goes inside her own head to look for meaning, her own head to look for meaning, her conscious mind is distracted….reducing conscious mind is distracted….reducing resistance to your suggestions.”resistance to your suggestions.”

Ready & BurtonReady & Burton

Milton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic language

Mind ReadingMind Reading.. Claiming to know Claiming to know someone’s internal state.someone’s internal state.

Judgements.Judgements. Making a value Making a value judgement without revealing who judgement without revealing who made that judgement. made that judgement.

Cause – effectCause – effect: The implication is : The implication is that one thing causes or results in that one thing causes or results in something else.something else.

Complex equivalenceComplex equivalence. One thing . One thing is interpreted as meaning is interpreted as meaning something else.something else.

“I know your curiosity is growing by the second”

“ It’s ok to be concerned & want to feel satisfied” “It’s good to believe”

“ Breathing results in you relaxing & focusing your attention” Words to use: makes, causes, results in, if, then, so, and, as, because.

“Thank you for listening to me therefore opening your mind to new possibilities…” Words to use: means, so, therefore

Milton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic language

Pace current experience.Pace current experience. Stating Stating someone’s experience in a way they someone’s experience in a way they cannot deny followed by the cannot deny followed by the instruction.instruction.

Unspecified verbs. A statement that leaves out the person doing the acting or omits the verb how someone did something.

Tag question designed to displace resistance

Double bind. Where the client is given two choices both of which are desirable separated by an “or”

“ You are sitting here, listening to me, looking at me and there’s a rhythm to your breathing which means you are learning”

““You made it happen”You made it happen”

““And you can” “ Can you not”

“Do you want to start your homework now or in 10 minutes”

An NLP approach to teaching and learning

The teacher- learner relationship is a cybernetic loop, a dynamic process in which meaning is constructed through reciprocal feedback; not a transmission of information from one individual to another separate individual.

People act according to the way they understand and represent the world, not according to the way the world `is' (i.e. `the map is not the territory').

Of prime interest in NLP are the ways in which people represent the world internally, through sensory imagery (principally visual, auditory and kinaesthetic) and language. sequences).

A learner's internal representations and processing are reflected, in various ways, in their language and their external behaviour (e.g. non-verbal behaviour).

An NLP approach to teaching and learning

An individual's capacity to learn is influenced strongly by their neuro-physiological `state' (e.g. a state of curiosity rather than a state of boredom), and by their beliefs about learning and about themselves as learners

All communication potentially influences learning. Crucially, teachers' language and behaviour influence learners on at least two levels simultaneously; both their understanding of the topic in question, and their beliefs about the world, including about learning itself.

It follows that awareness of choice about one's own language patterns and behaviour as a teacher, and sensitivity to and curiosity about their influence on and interaction with learner's internal representations, are crucial to effective teaching and learning.

“ I wouldn’t dream of telling you to use NLP all the time & there’s no way I would suggest that you can change easily so everything I said to you to-day you will want to apply, won’t you which means you can use your imagination and relax as you let NLP help you help others. Thank you.

Embedded commands. Sandwiching commands in the middle of a conversation to bypass the conscious mind & speak directly to the unconscious mind.