conscience by follen, eliza lee cabot, 1787-1860

8/14/2019 Conscience by Follen, Eliza Lee Cabot, 1787-1860

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CONSCIENCE

BY

MRS.FOLLEN

Illustratedwithengravings.

CONSCIENCE.

Theshortwintrydayswerebeginningtolengthen,thesunroseearlierandstaiduplonger.Nowandthenabluebirdwasheardtwitteringawelcometothecomingspring.Asfortherobins,theywereaspertandbusyasusual.Thelittlestreamswerebeginningtofindtheirwayoutoftheiricyprisonslowlyandwithtrembling,asiftheyfearedoldwintermighttakeastepandcatchthem,andpinchthemallupagain.

FrankandHarryweresorrytoseetheirsnowmangrowingsmallerand

smallereveryday;frombeingalarge,portlygentleman,hewasshrunkintoathin,shabby,ugly-lookingfellow.Hisstrongarmswereaboutfallingtotheground;hisfatnosehadentirelydisappeared,andhismouthhadgrownsobigthatyoumightlookdownhisgreatthroat,andseetheplacewhereoneoftheboysusedtogointomakehissnowshiptalk.FrankandHarrylovedalltheirwinteramusements,andwereloathtogiveupskating,sliding,andcoasting,andaboveall,snowballing.Yettheboysenjoyedthelengtheningtwilight---thehourtheirmotherdevotedtothem.


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"Willyoupleasetogivemetwocents,Mother?"saidFrank,oneday.

"Forwhat?"

"Tobuyapieceofchalk."

"Andtwoforme,Mother,"saidHarry,"forIwantapieceaswellasFrank."

"Whatareyoubothgoingtodowithchalk?"askedtheirmother.Theyweresilent.Sheaskedagain,buttheymadenoreply."Icannotgiveyouthemoneytillyoutellmewhatyouwantofthechalk.WhyareyounotwillingthatIshouldknow?"

Theboyscontinuedsilentforashorttime,andthenFranksaid,"Iamafraidthat,ifyouknowwhatwearegoingtodowiththechalk,youwillnotletushavethemoney."

"Then,"repliedtheirmother,"youthinkwhatyouwanttodoiswrong.I,perhaps,oughttoinsistuponyourtellingmewhatyouwantofthechalk.Ilovetogiveyoueveryinnocentpleasure,andwhatisrightforyoutodoIthinkImayknowabout.However,ifyouwillassuremeitisfornothingwrongthatyouwantthechalk,Iwillasknomorequestions,andgiveyouthemoney."

"Wedonotmeantodoanygreatharmwithit,"saidHarry."StillIamafraidyouwillnotquiteliketohaveusdoit,mothersaresomuchmoreparticularthanboys,youknow."

"Tryandseeifwedisagreeaboutthismatter,"saidtheirmother.

"ShallItell?"saidHarrytoFrank.

"Yes,"hereplied."Itisnosuchdreadfulaffair.Let'stellmotherallaboutit.Youknow,shesaidtheotherdaythatsherememberedwhenshewasaboy."

Theyalllaughedatthisoftenquotedblunder,andHarrybegan:"Yousee,Mother,thatyesterdayJohnGreencontrived,whilewewereinschool,andengagedindoingourlessons,tomakeagreatBonFrank'sandmyback,withapieceofchalk.Johnisagoodhandatsuchthings,andhediditsonicely,thatthemasterdidnotseehim,andneitherofussawtheBontheother.Whenwewentouttoplay,alltheboyscriedout,"Bforblockhead,Bforblunderbuss,Bforbooby,"andsoon,eversomanyothernamesbeginningwithB,andkeptpointingatus.Atlast,IsawFrank'smark,andhesawmine.Icantellyouwewerebothangryenough.NowwewanttoberevengedonJohnGreen,andhaveacapitalplan.Youseehewillbeonhisguard,andwemustbeverycunning.To-morrowisexhibitionday,andhewillhaveonhisbestdark-greenjacket,andFrankandI

aretositoneoneachsideofhim.Youseeheisreallyadunceabouteverythingbutplayingtricks;and,whenheisaskedaquestion,hewillbescaredoutofhissenses,andnotknowwhattosay.NowFrankisgoingtopretendtohelphim,whileIwriteDunceinlargelettersonthestupidfellow'sback.JohnwillnotknowwhatIamdoing,Iamsure;and,asheisarealdunce,itwillmakeagoodlaugh;everyonewillthinkheiswellserved,andthewholeschoolwillmakefunofhim."

"So,"saidMrs.Chilton,"youacknowledgethatyouareplanninga


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pieceofrevenge."

"Why,yes,Mother,"repliedFrank;"Isupposeyouwouldthinkitoughttobecalledrevenge,butIdon'tseeanygreatharminit.Schoolboysalwaysplaysuchtricks,andnoboythinkstheworseofanotherforsuchathing."

"Youthink,"saidMrs.Chilton,"thatthisschoolmateofyourswillbesoembarrassedatansweringthequestionsthathewillnotknowwhatheisabout;youmean,oneofyou,topretendtobehisfriendandhelphim,whiletheothermakeshimappearlikeafooltotherestoftheboys."

FrankandHarrylookedalittletroubled,andweresilentawhile.ThenFranksaid,"ItisnomorethanwhatJohnwoulddo;'tiswhathedeserves,anditistrueenoughthatheisadunce."

"Iwilltellyou,Frank,abetterwayofbeingrevenged,"repliedhismother.

"Whatisit,Mother?"

"Sitbyhim,asyouintended,andwhenheistroubledandperplexed,helphimaswellasyoucan,andbeparticularlykindtohim."

"Andsorewardhimformakingfoolsofus,"saidPrank,pettishly."No,Mother,whatyousaymaybeverygood,butIdon'twanttodosuchathingasthat."

"IfyouweretotreathiminthewayIpropose,doyouthinkhewouldevertreatyouunkindlyagain?Wouldhenotfeeldeeplyashamedofhisconductifyouthusreturnedhimgoodforevil?"

Theboysweresilent,butitwasevidentthattheydidnotquiterelishtheirmother'sadvice,norfeelatalldisposedtohelpJohnGreensayhislessons.

"Iwilltellyouastory,"saidMrs.Chilton,ofamanwhoovercameevilwithgood.Agentlemanwasoncetravellingaloneinagigthroughaveryunfrequentedroad.Therewasnohouse,nosignofhumanexistencethere.Itwassostillthatthehillsandrocksanddeepwoodsgavebacktheechoofhishorse'shoofs;thesongofabirdorthechirpingofacricketseemedtofillagreatspace,andfellontheearwithastrangeandalmoststartlingeffect.Hewasobservingorratherfeelingthisextremesolitudeandstillness,whensuddenlyataturnintheroadhecameuponamanwhoplacedhimselfdirectlybeforethehorse'shead.Themanhadadark,badexpressioninhisface,andfixedhiseyeuponthetravellerinsuchawayastoconvincehimthatthemanmeanttostopandrobhim.

Thegentlemanimmediatelydrewuphisreins,andsaidkindly,"Friend,ifyouaregoingmyway,stepintomygig,andletmetakeyouon."

Themanhesitated,andthengotin.Myfriend,whowasaclergyman,beganimmediatelytotalkearnestlyaboutmanyinterestingthings,andkeptupalivelyconversation.Atlast,hementionedtheuncommonlonelinessoftheroad,andobservedthatitwouldbeagoodplaceforarobbery.Hethenwentontospeakofrobbers,andthenofcriminalsingeneral,andofwhathethoughtwastheright


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waytotreatthem.Hesaidthatsocietyshouldtrytoinstructandreformthem;thatputtingthemtodeathwaswicked;that,bypatientloveandkindness,weshouldwinthembacktovirtue,thatweshouldshowthemthewaytopeaceandhonor.Heexpressedhisbelief,thattherewassomethinggoodintheheartoftheveryworstman,andsaidthathebelievedGodhadplacedawitnessofHimselfineveryhumanheart."Iamanon-resistant"--concludedtheclergyman,"andIwouldratherdiethantakethelifeofmybitterestenemy."

Themanlistenedveryattentively.Whentheycametothenextroad,heaskedtobeallowedtogetout,ashesaidhishomelaythatway.Afterbiddingfarewell,headded,"Ithankyoufortakingmein,andforallyouhavesaidtome.Ishallneverforgetit.Youhavesavedmefromacrime.WhenImetyou,Imeanttorobyou.Icouldeasilyhavedoneso;butyourkindwordsputbetterthoughtsintomyheart.IthinkIshallneverhavesuchanevilpurposeagain.IthankGodImetyou.Youhavemademeabetterman."

"Now,"saidMrs.Chilton,"Iwillgiveyou,boys,themoneyyouaskfor,andleaveyoutodoasyouthinkbestaboutJohnGreen."

"But,Mother,"saidHarry,"Iamsurechalkingaboy'sbackisaverydifferentthingfromrobbingaman;andchalkingbackagainisnotlikekeepingapoorfellowinprisonallhislife,orhanging

him."

"Verytrue,Harry,buttheprincipleofovercomingevilwithgoodisthesameforbothcases.Theevilpurposeintherobber'sheartwasovercomebytheloveandkindnessofthemanhemeanttoinjure.Thinkthewholematterover,boys,andletmeknowto-morrowwhatyouhavedone.Ileaveyoufreetodoasyouthinkbest."

Thenextdayafterschool,sheaskedthemwhattheyhaddoneaboutJohnGreen,andwhethertheyhadspenttheirmoneyforchalktowritedunceonhisback.

"Iboughtapieceofchalk,"saidFrank,"forIthoughtImightwant

verymuchtopayhimbackforhistrickuponus,butthepoorfellowlookedsofrightenedthatIdidnotwanttotouchhim."

"Ididnotbuyanychalk,"saidHarry,"forIfeltalmostsurethat,ifIhadapieceinmypocket,Ishouldleavesomemarkonhisback."

"Didyouthendonothingtorevengeyourselves?"askedtheirmother.

"Frankhadsucharevengeasyouwouldapproveof,"saidHarry.

"OneoftheexaminersaskedJohnwhereAthenswas.Thepoorfellowcouldnottell,forheisarealdunce,thoughwedidnotchalkthe

wordonhisback.Well,hewasjustgoingtosaythathedidnotknow,whenFrankwhisperedtheanswerverysoftlyintohisear,andsavedhimfrombeingdisgraced.Ididwant,justthen,towritedunceonJohn'sback;but,onthewhole,Ipitiedhim,and,whenIheardhim,aftertheexamination,thankFrank,andsay,"IamsorryforwhatIdidtheotherday,"Ididfeelthatitwasbettertoovercomeevilwithgood,thoughitcomeshard,Mother,sometimes."

"Verytrue,"saidMrs.Chilton;"todorightisnotalwayseasy.Atfirst,itisperhapsalwayshard,butitgrowseasierandeasier,


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themorewetry;till,atlast,thatwhichwaspainfulbecomespleasant.Somegoodperson,Iforgetwho,said,"WheneverIwanttogetoveradislikeofanyperson,Ialwaystrytofindanopportunitytodohimaservice."Tellme,Frank,ifyoudonotfeelmorekindlytowardsJohnGreen,sinceyoudidhimthatkindness."

"IsupposeIdo,"saidPrank."Myangerisgone,atanyrate."

"Wedon'twantcandlesyet,dowe,Mother,"saidHarry."Thereisthemoonjustovertheoldpinetree,andthereisabrightlittlestarwaitinguponher.Nowisourstorytime.Canyounotmakeupsomethingtotellus?"

"Icannotthinkofanything,"saidMrs.Chilton."IbelieveIspunallthecobwebsoutofmybrainwhenItoldyouabouttheoldgarret."

"Didyounotsaytous,theotherday,Mother,"saidFrank,"that,whenyouwereatuncleJohn'smanyyearsago,beforewewereborn,youwrotedownsomestories?IthinkyoutoldauntSusanthatyoumeant,whenwewereoldenough,toreadthemtous."

"Idid,Frank,andwhenthelightcomes,Iwillreadsomeofthem.Meantime,Iwilltellyouoneortwolittleanecdotes.Iwasdining

yesterdaywithagentlemanwhotoldmethisstory.HewasreturningfromEnglandtoBostoninoneofthefineroyalsteamers.Whennotveryfarfromtheendofthevoyage,heandsomeothergentlemendeterminedtoindulgethemselveswiththepleasureofgivingadinnerasgoodastheyhadeverydaytothesailors.Isupposeyouknowthatinthesesteamersthepassengerspayalargepriceforthepassage,andarefeastedeverydaywithluxuries.Thegentlemanaskedthecaptain'sleavetogivethisdinner,andwishedhimtoorderit;butthecaptainreplied,"Iwillhavenothingtodowithsuchnonsense.Iwillgivestewardorderstodowhateveryoubidhim;andIdon'tcarewhatyoudo,onlyImustnotappearinit."Accordingly,thegentlemangavethestewardorderstoprovidetheverybestdinnerthattheshipcouldafford,tellinghimtoprepare

fourcourses,andaddingthatifthedinnerwasinanyrespectinferiortowhatthecabinpassengershaditwouldnotbepaidfor.Thestewardwasdesiredtokeepitaprofoundsecretwhoorderedthedinner,andnottosayanythingaboutitbeforehand.

Whenthedaycame,thesailorswereastonishedthattheydidnothavetheirdinnerattheusualhour.Presentlyallhandswerecalledondeck.Thiswassuchanunusualthingwhenallwasquietintheship,thattheywerestillmorepuzzled.Thegentlemenmeanttohavethemdineinthecabin;butthecaptainadvisedagainstthisonthegroundthatsailorswouldfeelconfinedinthecabin,andwouldnotenjoythemselves.Sothedinnerwasservedondeck.Whenthesailorswereassembled,andwereorderedtotaketheirplacesatthedinner

beforethem,theyobeyed,lookinggreatlyastonished.Theywerefirsthelpedtosoup--thentomeatsofallsorts--thenpuddings,pies,&c.--thennuts,oranges,raisins,figs,andwine.Atfirst,theystared,asiftheywereinthelandofdreams;butpresentlytheenchantingrealitiesbeforethemwerewelcomedandconsumedwiththegreatestrelish.Theywerewaiteduponinthemostrespectfulmanner.Theirfeasthadnodrawback.Allwasgoodandagreeableaspossible.

Thegentlemansaidhehadbeenatmanygranddinners,buthadnever


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enjoyedonesomuchasthis.

Thesailorstriedtofindouttheirbenefactor,butnoonewouldtellthem.

Atlasttheirsuspicionsfellupontherightman,himwhotoldmethestory.

Theychosetheoldestoftheirnumbertowaituponhiminthenameofthewhole,toexpresstheirthanks."Whentheoldmanapproachedme,"saidthegentlemantome,"hetookoffhishatandwasgoingtospeak,butthetearscameinhiseyes,andhecouldnot.Hewentaway,andpresentlyreturned;butagainhelosthisself-command,andturnedaway.Atlast,herecoveredhimselfenoughtospeak,andthesewerehiswords:"'Tisthefirsttime,sir,thatwewereevertreatedlikemen."

Thecaptain,wholaughedatthewhimofthesegentlemen,saidafterwardsthathehadneverhadsuchworkfromhissailorsashehadfromthattimetotheendofthevoyage.

Iwilltellyouyetanothertruestory.

Therewasapoorgirlwhowasillofaconsumption.Shedidnot

suffermuch,yetwasprettycertainthatsheshouldnevergetwell.Shewasveryhappy,however,forshehadmanybeautifulthoughtstokeephercompanyinthesickroom.

Onedayagoodmancametovisither,andtoldherofaschoolinCanada,toteachcoloredpeoplewhohadbeenslaves,andhadrunawayfromtheirmasters.YouknowthatinCanadaAmericanslavesbecomefreeEnglishsubjects.

Hetoldherthathewastryingtogetmoneytopayteachersinthisschool.

Thepoorgirlwasverymuchinterested,wishedmuchtocontribute

something,andfeltgrievedatherpoverty.Presentlyherfacelightedupwithasadsmile."Ihave,"saidshe,"onethingofvaluewhichIcouldgiveyou,but,"(andshelookedverysad,)"itwouldbehardpartingwithit.Mymothergaveittome."Shewenttoadrawer,andtookoutofitagoldnecklace.Then,asifsheweretalkingtoherself,shesaid,"Howsweetlymymothersmileduponmewhensheputthisaroundmyneck!Icannotwearitnow,myneckissothin,andisalwayscoveredup.Shewouldwishmetogiveitforthispurpose,Iknow.Yes,shewouldlikeIshoulddoit.ButthenIcannotbeartogiveitaway.Itwashers;sheworeitherself.Ishallnotkeepitagreatwhilelonger,atanyrate.IcandesiremyuncletogiveittotheschoolwhenIamgone."Shecoveredherfacewithherhands,butyoucouldseehertearsthroughherthin,

emaciatedfingers.

Herfriend,whohadtoldherabouttheschool,simplytopleaseandinteresther,beggedhernottothinkanymoreofgivingawaythenecklace,andspoketoherofsomethingelse.

"No,"saidshe,"Icannotkeepit,nowthatithascomeintomymindthatIoughttogiveittoyoufortheschool.Youmusttakeit.Forgivemyweakness;thethoughtofmydeardepartedmotherbringsthetearstomyeyes."


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"Thinkagain,then,beforeyougiveawaythispreciousnecklace,"saidthegoodman.

Sheputthenecklaceintohishand,andsaid,asshedidso,"Ihavethoughtofitagain,andIhavedecidedtogiveit."

Hetookit,andleftthegenerous-heartedgirl,prayingthatshemightrecover,butfearingthatheshouldneverseeheragain.

Notlongafterthis,inasteamboat,hemetagentlemanwithwhomhehadmuchconversationuponvarioussubjects;amongotherstheinstitutionfortheinstructionofthepoorrunaways.Hementionedamongotherthingsthispoorgirl'sgift,andhergriefatpartingwithhermother'sgoldnecklace."Ihated,"saidhe,"totakeit.Shewillnotstayherelong,andherpleasuresareveryfew."HementionedalsothenameofthetowninNewHampshirewhereshelived.

"Thatismynativeplace,"saidthegentlemantowhomhewasrelatingthestory."Willyouletmeseethenecklace?"

"Certainly,"saidthemissionary,andhetookitfromhispocket.

"Whatsumofmoneyshallyouobtainforthisnecklace?"

"Ihavehaditweighed,"saidhe,"andIshallgetsomuchmoneyforit,"namingthesum.

"Areyouwillingtosellittomeforthatsum?"

"Certainly;thatisallIcanobtainforit."

Thebargainwasconcluded.Thestrangerpaidthesum.Then,puttingthenecklaceintohisownpocket,hesaid,"Sheshallhaveitforanewyear'sgift."

Nowletus,onthefirstofJanuary,visitthepoorsickgirlagain.Earlyinthemorning,someonehandsheralittleparcel--sheopensit,andthereisherpreciousnecklace,thegiftofherdearmotherintheheavenlyland.Itisaccompaniedbyashortnoteinwhichthewriterbegshernottopartwiththenecklaceagainwhileshelives,buttoconsideritherowntodoasshepleaseswithitatherdeath.

Thestranger,whohadpurchasedthenecklace,andsentitbacktothepoorgirl,knewthetruevalueofriches,andunderstoodandenjoyedtheluxuryofdoinggood,ofmakingthepoorandthesorrowfulrejoice.Hewasthesamemanwhoplannedthedinner."

Aftertea,Mrs.Chiltontookouthermanuscriptbook.

"ThestoryIshallread,"saidshe,"isaverypainfulone,butsadlytrue.Ifitmakesyouveryunhappy,youmusttrytoletitsaveyoufromcommittingthefaultwhichwassoseverelypunished.Alltheessentialfactsaretrue,asIshallreadthemtoyou.


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"ITISONLYATRIFLE."

"Besure,myson,"saidMr.Pratt,ashelefthiscountingroom,inPhiladelphia,"besurethatyousendthatmoneytoMr.Reidto-day;directitcarefully,andseethatallisdoneinproperformandorder."

"Yes,sir,"repliedGeorge,"Iwill."

Georgefullyintendedtoobeyimplicitly.Hewas,inthemain,desiroustodoright;buthehadonegreatfault.Whenhehadasmalldutytoperform,hewasapttosayandthink,"O,thatisonlyatrifle.Whyshouldwelaysomuchstressontrifles?"Hewouldoftensay,whenanyonefoundfaultwithhimfortheneglectofasmallduty,"Iamsureitisonlyatrifle."

George,assoonashehadfinishedsomethinghewasabout,wrotetheletteraccordingtothedirectionsgivenhim,carefullyenclosedthemoneyinit,nicelyfoldedandsealedit.Justashewaspreparingtodirectit,ayoungmanopenedthedoorofthecountingroomingreathaste,andbeggedhimtogowithhimthatmoment,tospeaktosomeonewhowasthenpassing.

"Icandirectandcarrytheletter,"saidGeorge'syoungerbrother;"Iknowtowhomitistogo,andIcansenditjustaswellasyou."

Georgehadaslightfeelinginhisheartthatheoughtnottoleavethislettertoanyonetodirect;buthisbrotheragainsaid,"IshouldthinkIcoulddosuchatriflingthingasthat;Icansurelydirectaletter,thoughIcannotwriteoneyet."

Frankwastheyoungerapprentice,andwasanxioustogetforwardanddowhatGeorgedid.

"Well,"saidGeorge,"youmaydoit,butbesureyoudoitright.JohnReid,youknow,isthename;"andhewentwithhiscompanion.

"Itisonlyatrifle,"hesaidtohimself,asherememberedhisfather'scharge."Ihavedoneallthatisreallyimportant.Itisoflittleconsequencewhodirectsandcarriestheletter."Sohechasedawaytheslightcloudthathungoverhismindasheleftthecountingroomwithhisfriend.

Theseslightcloudsthatriseinthesoul'shorizon,soprophetic,sofullofmercyorofterrorasweregardorslightthem!"Whydowenotlearntheirmeaning?Whyaretheynotevermessengersofloveandpeacetous?HadGeorgestoppedandconsidered,perhapshewouldnothavedoneashedid,perhapshewouldnothavecalledthisdutyatrifle,andwouldnothaveleftthecountingroomtillhehadperformedeverytittleofhisfather'scommand.

Theletterwasdirectedandsent.Frankdidaswellasheknewhow.

WhenGeorgereturned,heasked,"HaveyoudirectedthelettertoMr.JohnReid?"

"Yes,Ihave,andcarriedittotheoffice."

"DidyouenclosethatmoneytoMr.Reid,George?"askedhisfather,whenhenextsawhim.


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"Yes,sir,"Georgereplied,withaslighthesitation,which,however,hesoongotover;"for,"saidhetohimself,"Ienclosedthemoneycarefully;whatdoesitmatterwhetherFrankorIdirectedtheletter?"Sohespokeoutfreelytohisfather.

"Allright,father;theletterisonitswaytoOhio."

Unfortunatelyhisfatherhadnotnoticedhishesitation,wassatisfied,andaskednofurtherquestions.

AgainGeorgecheckedthemonitionsofhisconscience.Againhesaidtohimself,"It'sonlyatrifle."Hehadyettolearnthatnodutyisatrifle.

Weekspassed,andtherewasnoacknowledgmentofthemoney.AtlastaletterarrivedfromMr.ReidtoMr.Pratt,requestinghim,ifconvenient,topaythetwohundreddollarspromisedtohimsomeweeksbefore.

Mr.Reidwasapoorman,towhomtwohundreddollarswasanimportantsum.

Mr.Prattagainquestionedhisson,andwasagainassuredthatthe

moneyhadbeensent,andwrotetoMr.Reidaccordingly,advisinghimtoinquireatthepostoffice.

Therehappenedtobeayoungmanintheoffice,bythenameofHarryBrown,whosemotherwasawidow.Shewaspoor,andastrangerinthetown.Hersonhadobtainedhisplaceonaccountofhisquickintelligence,andbecausehecouldalsowriteaverygoodhand.Strongsuspicionsfelluponhim.Hewasquestionedabouttheletter,andatlastMr.Reidaccusedhimofthetheft.

Theyoungman'sindignationwasuncontrollable;heturnedwhitewithanger;hecouldnotspeak;hestammeredandclenchedhisfists,andatlastburstintotearsandlefttheoffice.

AllthiswastakenfortheagonyofdetectedguiltandneitherthepostmasternorMr.Reidattemptedtostophim,forneitherofthemwishedtohavehimpunished,andtheyhopedtorecoverthemoneybygentlermeans.

Wewillnowchangethescene.Letusenterthissmall,neatcottage.Therearebuttworoomsonthefloor.Oneiskitchenandparlor,theotherabedroom.Asortofladderinonecornerintimatesthatinthesmallatticisalsoasleepingplace.Asmalltableisspreadfortwopeople;itisverycleanandnice,buteverythingthatyouseeindicatespoverty.Anoldwoman,withasweetbutsorrowfulcountenance,sitsbythesmallwindow,lookinganxiouslyoutofit

forsomeonewhoyoumightsupposewastosharehersimplemealwithher,whichstoodnicelycoveredupatthefire,awaitinghisarrival.Sheistalkingtoherself.

"Onetreasureisyetleftmeinthisworld--mynoble,beautiful,braveson.Godblesshim;forhimIamwillingtolive.Therehecomes;howfastheruns!buthowredandheatedhelooks!Whatisthematter,Harry?whathashappened?"sheexclaimed,asheentered;"areyousick?"


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"Yes,Mother,andIshallneverbewellagain.Ihavebeenaccusedofstealing,andMr.Reidandthepostmasterbothbelieveit.Icannotlivehereanylonger.Ihavejustcomefromtherecruitingoffice;IhaveenlistedfortheMexicanwar,andIhopeIshallbeshot;Igothedayafterto-morrow.Iwillneverbeseenhereagain.Tothinkthatanyoneshoulddaretoaccusemeoftheft!WhydidInotknockhimdown?Ihatetheworld,Ihateallmankind,Ihatelife,Iwanttodie.Ifitwerenotforyou,Mother,IbelieveIshouldkillmyself.OMother,Mother!howcanIlive?"Andthepoorfellowlaidhisheadinhismother'slapandweptbitterly.

Thepoormother--shespokenot,shedidnotweep;shelaidherhandsuponherson'shead,andlookedupthroughthethinroofofherpoorcottage,far,farintotheeverlastingheavens,wherealonearepeaceandhopetobefound.InherdeepagonyshecalledupontheAlmightyforaid.Shelookedlikeamarbleimageofdespair.

"Imustpreparetogo,"atlasthersonsaid;"Ihaveenlisted,andImustbeready."Whatwillyoudowithyourself,Mother?"

"Gowithyou,mychild.Whereveryougo,thereIgotoo.Icancookforthecamp.Youhavedonewrong,myson,inenlistingasasoldier;whynotcomefirsttome?Yourinnocencewillyetbeproved.Whywereyousorash?Allmighthaveyetbeenwellwithus."

"Icannotbearit,Mother;Imustgo."

"ThenIgowithyou;Iwillneverdesertyou."

"ButO,youwillbekilledwithfatigueandexposure.Mother,dearMother,staytillIcangetyouanewhome."

"Igo,myson,whereyougo,"saidhismother;"myonlyhomeiswithyou."

Intwodaystheirfewpossessionsweresold,andtheyweregone.

WewillnowreturntothecountingroomwhereourTRUEstorybegan.Somemonthshadpassed;thefatherandsonarethere."George,"saidMr.Pratt,"Icannotbutfearyoumadesomemistakeaboutthatletter.Moneyisseldomstolenoutofletters.Wereyouveryparticularaboutthenameandplaceinyourdirection?"

"Thetruthis,Sir,thatFrankdirectedtheletter;Iwroteandfoldedandsealedit;butjustasIwasgoingtodirectit,HarryFlintcalledmetospeaktosomeone,andIletFrankdirectit;butItoldhimtobesuretodirectittoMr.JohnReid,andIknowhedidso,justaswellasifIhadseenit."

Thefatherlookedmuchdispleased."Youdidwrong,George,aftermy

particularorders."

"Why,Father,Iamsureitwasofnoimportancewhichofusdidit.Thatwasonlyatrifle,Iamsure.ItoldFrankthename,andheknowswhereMr.Reidlives.Ishouldnotthinkyouwouldblamemeforthis--"

"Idoblameyouverymuch.YoushouldnothaveleftthistoFrank.Ichargedyoutobeverycareful.Thiswasyourownduty,andyoushouldhaveperformedityourself.Yourneglectwillmostlikely


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costmetwohundreddollars,forIshallsendthemoneytoMr.Reid;heofcourseisnottoloseit.YoucannotbesurethatFrankdirectedthelettercorrectly;heisnotusedtothework."

Georgebegantofeelthatitwasnotatrifletoleaveanotherpersontodirectaletterofimportance;hefeltverysorryatthethoughtoflosinghisfather'smoney.Poorfellow!hehadaworsepainthanthistoendure.

Thenextmorning,whentheletterscamefromthepostoffice,therewasonefromMr.Reid.Themissingletterhadatlastarrived,andthetwohundreddollarswereinit.Theletterhadbeenmisdirected.Therewasamistakeinthenameoftheplace.TheletterhadbeensenttoWashington,whencehehadjustreceivedit,asthepersonwhoseofficeitistoreadtheselettersknewhimpersonally,andsocouldcorrectthemistake.Hethenrelatedthesadstoryoftheclerkandhispoormother.Headdedthathewenttothepoorwoman'shousetheverydaythatheleftthetown,intendingtosatisfyhisminduponthequestionofherson'sguilt,ofwhichhebegantodoubt--intending,ifhefoundtheyoungmaninnocent,totakehimbackintotheoffice,andifnot,totrytoinducehimtorestorethemoney,andgo,torecoverhischaracter,tosomeotherplace,towhichhewouldhavehelpedhimtoremove.Hewastoolate.Hefoundthehouseempty."Ipitytheperson,"hesaid,"whomisdirectedthat

letter--hewastheunconsciouscauseoftheruinoftwoexcellentbeings.Wemayblametheyoungman'sviolence,andmaycallhimfoolishandpassionate;yetitwasadeephatredofeventheappearanceofsinandshamethatmadehimdosomadanactionastoenlistinawickedwar."

Mr.Prattnowreadthislettertohisson.Georgecoveredhisfacetohidehisshameandsorrow;hisheartwasreadytobreakwithagony.Hegroanedaloud.Hespokenotoneword.

Georgewassufferinginsilencethebitterestofallpainswhichagoodmindcanendure,--thatofbeingthecauseofmiserytoothers,throughone'sownwrong-doing.Afterafewmoments,hestartedup

andexclaimed,"Imustsendwordtothepoorfellowthatthemoneyisfoundandhisinnocenceproved;letmedowhatIcantorepairtheevilIhavecaused.IfIwritetothepostmasterandtellhimthestory,hewilltakethepoorfellowbackagain.Ihavesomemoneyofmyown,Father,topayforthetravellingexpensesoftheboyandhismother.Allperhapsmayyetberight.Icanwork.Iwilldoanythingforthem.PoorHarryBrown--soproudandsohonest!O,Father!Ihatemyself.ButhowshallIsendhimword?thepostisnotcertain;letmethink.BillSmithsaidhewasgoingtothewar,ifhecouldgetmoneyenoughforhisjourney.Hewouldtakemyletter.I'llbeafterhim,andgethimoffinnotime."

AwayflewGeorge;hegaveBillSmiththemoney,toldhimthestory,

andsenthimoffforthatverynight,Georgethenwrotetothepostmaster,andimploredhimtowriteimmediatelytoHarry,andofferhimagaintheplaceintheoffice.Georgewenttobedwithaheavyheart,stillwiththehopethatpoorHarryhadnotbeenkilled.

NowletusfollowHarryandhisoldmothertoMexico.ManyweekshavepassedsinceweleftGeorgemourninghisfault,andsendingupprayersforthelifeofpoorHarry.Itisafewdaysafterabattle.Ontheground,inthecornerofasmalltent,liesapoorsoldier.


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Bandagesstainedwithbloodarelyingabout.Thepoorsuffererisverypale,andhisfaceshowsmarksofpain.Anoldwoman,whosefaceisfullofanxiouslove,sitsbyhissideandholdshishand.Theyoungmanliftstheoldwitheredhandtohislipsandkissesit;helooksupthroughthethincanvasofhistent,andsays,"ThankGod,dearMother,thatyouareherewithmenowtotakecareofme,elseIthinkIshoulddie.Forgivemyrashness;ifIlivewillyetbeagoodsontoyou.Iknewwasnotathief,andthatoughttohavebeenenoughforme.Iwaswrongtobesoangry,andtoforgetyou,whomIoughttohavestaidbyandtakencareof,asIpromisedfatherIwould.Forgiveme,dearMother.PerhapsIshallbeabettermanwithonelegthanIwaswithtwo."

Whilethepoorfellow,whohadlosthislegthefirstdayhewenttobattle,wasslowlyutteringthesewords,thetearswererunningfastdownthehollowcheeksofhisoldmother,butgentle,quiettears,asthoughtheheartofherwhoshedthemwasresignedandpeaceful.

"IthankGodforyourlife,myson.Yourfightingdaysareover;theyhavebeenshort;butusefulnessandhappinessareyetbeforeyou,thoughyougothroughlifemaimed.Ishallyetseeyousmilingandhappyagaininourcottage,yourinnocenceproved,yourplacerestored,andfriendsallaroundyou."

"Howcanthatbe?"saidHarry;"thereisonlymywordandcharacterasevidenceofmyhonesty.Icannotgobacktotheoldplace--never,never,Mother.WhatshallIdo?Betterdiethanlivedisgraced."

"Havenofear,Harry;Ihavenone.Iamsureallwillbewell,andyourhonestyproved.Sogotosleep,asthesurgeondirected.Havefaith;youhaveshowncourage."Hismothersmoothedtheclothesoverhim,andgentlystrokedhishand,andhewassilent,andfellasleep.

Presently,thesurgeonlookedin.Hewasakind-heartedman,andknewtheirstory.Hesaidsoftly,"WhentheboywakesIhavesomenewsforhimthatwilldohimmoregoodthanIcan."

Harry,whowasjustwaking,startedandexclaimed,"Whatnews?tellmethisminute!isthemoneyfound?"

"Come,Mr.Gunpowder,keepquiet,ifyouplease,oryou'llnothearanythingfromme."

"Yes,yes;Iamasquietasalamb,onlybequick.Tellmethenews."

"Well,herearetwolettersthatagreatsixfootchaphasbrought,notforyourlambship,Mr.Harry,butforyourgoodmother,whotakesthingslikearationalbeing."

Hegavetheletterstothemotherandleftthetent,sayingwithasmile,"Don'tbetoohappy."

TheletterfromthepostmasterwastoaskHarry'spardonfortheinjustice,andtooffertheplaceintheoffice."Thereisnoone,"itconcluded,"IcouldtrustasIcanyou."

TheotherwasfromGeorge,asfollows:--


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"DEARMR.BROWN:Myneglectofmydutyindirectingaletterwastherealcauseofthesuspicionthatfelluponyou.Icanneverforgivemyself.Icanhardlyhopeyoucanforgiveme.Ifyouwillbegenerousenoughtotrytodoso,youwillmakemelessunhappy.IfyouacceptthesumIencloseyoutomeettheexpensesofyourjourney,Ishallbelessmiserable.Bytakingityouwillprovethatyoupityandforgiveme,--theunintentionalcauseofsomucheviltoyouandyourexcellentmother."Georgeenclosedacheckforfivehundreddollars,allhehadsavedfromhisearningsasaclerkforthetwoyearspast.

"ThankHeaven,myinnocenceisproved!"saidthehonestfellow."But,Mother,Idon'twantthemoney."

"Itiskindertotakeit,"saidthemother.

Harrysubmitted.Erelong,hewasabletomoveoncrutches.Heandhismotherwereagainintheirlittlecottage.Harryreceivedtheheartiestwelcomefromhistowns-peoplewhenhewasseenagainwithhisoneleginhisplaceinthepost-office.

Georgeoftenwenttothetown.HisfirstvisitwasalwaystoMrs.Brown.Hetreatedherasifshewerehismother,andhersonwastohimasabrother.Hewasoftenheardtosay,"ThesoundofHarry

Brown'scrutchesalwaysremindsmesorrowfullythatwhenthereisadutytoperforminvolvingtherightsofothersweshouldneversay,Itisonlyatrifle."

"Itseemstome,"saidFrank,"thatIshouldneverhavebeenhappyagaintohavecausedsomuchmiserybytheneglectofmyduty;andyet,Mother,itdidseematrifle."

"Mymother,"repliedMrs.Chilton,"saidtome,whenIwasagirl,Neverconsideranyduty,eversogreat,astoodifficult,orany,eversosmall,astootrifling.Ihaveneverforgottenherwords,andthoughIhavenotalwaysbeenfaithfultothislesson,ithasoftensavedmefromwrong-doinganditsconsequentunhappiness."

Afterashortsilence,Mrs.Chiltonsaidtoherboys,Thenextstoryisnotsopainful,butitillustratesthesametruth--that,inmattersofconscience,nothingistrifling.Youshallnowhearhowhappyagoodconsciencecanmakeoneevenundertheseveresttrials.

Onepleasantafternoon,myfriendandIwereseatedintheneatlittleroomwhichservedoldSusanVincentforparlor,kitchen,andbed-room.Shewassittinginanicearm-chairwhichherinfirmitiesmadenecessaryforhercomfort.Akindfriendhadsentittoher.Shehadonanicecleanginghamgown,ahandkerchiefcrossedonherneck,inthefashionoftheShakers,andaplaincap,aswhiteasthedrivensnow,coveredhersilverlocks.Alittleroundtable,

polishedbyfrequentscouring,stoodbesideher;onitwasherknittingwork,Baxter'sSaints'Rest,andtheBible;thelastlayopenbeforeher.Shewasreadinginitwhenweentered.Asherdoorwasopenandshedidnothearveryquickly,wehadanopportunityofobservingherbeforesheperceivedus.Therewasthatdeepinterestinhermannerofreadingthisholybook,asshewasleaningoveritwithherspectacleson,entirelyabsorbed,thatmadeherresembleapersonwhowasexaminingatitledeedtoanestatewhichwastomakehertheheirofuncountedtreasures.Shewasindeedreadingwithherwholesoultheproofsshetherefoundofherclaimtoaninheritance


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thatmakesallearthlyrichesseempoorindeed.

"Iamgladtoseeyou,dear,"washeraffectionatewelcometome;"doIknowthisladywithyou?"

"No,"Ianswered;"sheismyfriendwhomItoldyoutheotherdayIshouldbringtoseeyou."

"Iamgladtoseeherifsheisyourfriend,"shereplied.

"Iwantyou,Susan,ifyouarestrongenoughto-day,torepeattomyfriendthatlittleaccountofyourselfthatyouwereoncekindenoughtogiveme."

"What,thewholestory?"saidSusan,"beginningatthebeginning,asthechildrensay?"

Susanwassilentaminuteortwo,asiftocollectherthoughts,andthensaid,Ihavealwaysbelieved,that,thoughitseemedstrangethatsuchagood-for-nothingcreatureasIamshouldbespared,andotherstakenaway,that,maybe,Iwaslefttogivemytestimonyforsomegoodpurpose,andthatmyexperiencemightdosomegoodtopoorpilgrims.For

"Itisastraightandthornyroad,Andmortalspiritstireandfaint;ButtheyforgetthemightyGodWhofeedsthestrengthofeverysaint."

Susanknewhalfthehymnbookbyheart,andlovedtorepeathymnssowell,thatshecouldhardlyhavetoldherstorywithoutthispreface.Sheimmediatelybeganasfollows:--

"Myfather,whowasasailor,losthislifeatseawhenIwastwoyearsold;mymotherneverhadverygoodhealth,andaboutsixyearsafterwardshefellintoaconsumption.Shelivedonlyayearaftershewastakensick.Iwastooyoungtoremembermuchofher,butI

haveadistinctrecollectionofseeingheroftensittingbyalittlestandlikethis,withanopenBibleuponit;andonceIwasstruckwithherlookinguptoheavenwithherhandsclaspedforalongtimeasifshewerepraying,andthenlookingatme,andthenatthebook;andIsawbigtearsrollingdownhercheeks.Shecalledmetoher,andsaid,withanearnestbutbrokenvoice,Godsavemychildfromtheevilthatisintheworld!andgiveherthetestimonyofagoodconscience.

ThesewordsIcouldnotforget,forthenextdayshedied.Weforgetmanythingsinthisworld,ladies,butthewordsofadyingmotherwecannothelpremembering.ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverseendeath,buttherewassuchapeaceful,happyexpressioninmy

mother'sface,thatitdidnotseemveryterribletome,tillIfoundtheyweregoingtocarryheraway;indeed,IthinkImusthavebelieveditwassleep,andexpectedhertoawake;for,whentheytookherfromme,Iwashalfoutofmysenses,andscreamedforthemtoleavememymother.

Akindoldlady,afriendtomymother,tookmeinherlapandputherarmsroundme,andtriedtosootheandcomfortme.Shetoldmemymotherhadgonetoheaven;thatitwasonlyherbodythatwasdead;butthathersoulwasliving,andwasgonetoheaven."She


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willneverbesickorunhappyanymore;sheisgonetoGod,andshewillliveforeverwithJesusChristandallgoodbeings."

"ButIwanttoseeher,"saidI.

"Youwillseeheragain,Idoubtnot,mychild,ifyouaregood,"theoldladysaid.PerhapsIshouldnothaverememberedsoexactlywhatshesaid,ifshehadnotfrequentlyrepeatedthesamethingtome,andifIhadnotlovedmymothersomuch.

Thisexcellentladytookmehomewithher,anditwastohergoodnessIoweeverything.Shehadlostnearlyallherpropertybythefailureofamerchanttowhomshehadlentmoney;shehadsupportedherselfbytakingboarders.Iwasperfectlydestitute;mymotherhadmadeouttogetalivingbytakinginsewing,butleftnothing.Thelastyearofherlifeshecouldnothavegotalongwithoutmyassistance,andwhatwasgivenherbyhercharitableneighbors;andforthelastthreemonthsshecouldnotevenmakeherbed,orcleanherownroom,ordoherlittlecooking,withoutmyhelp.AndO,howhappyIwaswhenIwashelpingmydearmother!Nowatthismoment,whenIamsoold,andforgetsomanythings,howwellIrememberherandallshesaid!ItseemsasifIcouldhearhersay,"WhatshouldIdowithoutyou,mydearSusan."ItseemstomeasifIwouldratherliveoveragainthosedays,whenIwas

tryingtohelpandcomfortmysickmother,thananyofmywholelife.Childrenarenotawarehowmuchtheycandofortheirparents,nordotheyknowwhatablessedremembranceitwillbetothemtothinkthattheyhavelessenedthesufferingsofasickmother.Alltherichesintheworldwouldnotaffordthemsuchhappiness.

Mrs.Brown,thekindladywhotookmehome,toldmethatshewouldsendmetoschool,andthatIshouldhaveahomeatherhouse;butthat,asshewasverypoor,sheshouldexpectmetoexertmyselfwhenIwasnotatschool,anddoallIcouldtohelpinthehouse;andthatImustimprovemytimeatschool.Shegavemeagreatdealofgoodadvice,andtoldmeImustnotimitatethebadconductthatImightsee;andthatImustneverdoanythingwithoutaskingmy

consciencewhetheritwasrighttodoit.IremembersheaskedmeifIknewwhatmyconsciencewas.IwasnotquitesurethatIdid;soIsaid,IdidnotknowwhetherIdid.ThensheaskedmeifIeverremembereddoingwrong.

"Oyes,ma'am,"Isaid;"Inevershallforgetplayingwithmymother'sbottleofcoughdrops,whenshetoldmenotto,andspillingthemallout.Ididnottellherofitatfirst,andshecouldnotgetanymoretillnextday;andeverytimeshecoughed,itseemedasifmyheartwouldbreak;andIhatedmyself,andcouldnotbearitatalltillItoldherIhadplayedwiththebottleandspilledthedrops."

"Itwasyourconscience,Susan,"theoldladysaid,"thatwassotroubled;itwasyourconsciencethatsaidyoumusttellyourmother;thisisGod'switnessinyourheart;alwaysdoasthatdirectsyou,andcomewhatwill,Susan,youcanbearit."

Iwassogratefultomykindfriendforhertendercareofme,thatIattendedtoallshesaidtome,andneverforgotit;andithasbeenthesourceofhappinesstomethroughlife.IhadnotbeenlongintheschoolbeforeIhadatrialofmyconscience,andIthankHimwhoisthegiverofallstrengththatIresistedthisfirst


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temptation.

Onedaytheschoolmistressleftherpenknifeopenuponherdesk,whenshewentoutofherroomduringtherecess;nearlyallthegirlstookitintotheirhandstolookatit,forithadanumberofblades,andwasrathercurious;someofthemtriedtheknifetoseehowsharpitwas.Wehadbeentoldnottomeddlewithherthings,andallofusknewitwaswrong;asIwasoneofthesmallgirls,Ididnotgetachancetolookatittillallhadseenit;but,whentheothersranouttotheplayground,andIwasleftalone,Iwenttothedesk,andtookuptheknife,andopenedandshutalltheblades;butinsteadofleavingtheoneopenwhichIfoundso,Ileftopenanotherblade,justputitontheedgeofmynail,toseehowverysharpitwas,andthenlaiditdown,andranaftertherestofthegirls.

Whentheschoolmistresscamein,sheimmediatelysawthatwehadtakenupherknife."Someone,"saidshe,"hasbeenusingmyknife;Iamsureofit,becausethebladethatIleftopenisshut,andanotherisopen,anditisgapped;whohasdoneit?"Notagirlspoke;IthoughtthatIwastheonlyonewhohadopenedandshuttheblades,butIknewIhadnotgappedeitherofthem.Iknewthatalltheothershadtakenuptheknife;Iwasafraidtospeak;Ididnotliketotakethewholeblame,andIwassilentastheothergirls

were.

Afterwaitingafewminutes,ourteachersaid,"Asnoneofyouchoosetoconfesswhohasdonethis,Ishallhavetopunishtheinnocentwiththeguilty;Ishalltakeawayameritfromallofyou,exceptthosefewgirlswho,Ifeelsure,wouldnotdisobeyme."

Therewereonlyfivegirlsintheschoolwhodidnotloseamerit,andIwasoneofthenumber.Asshenamedthemover,andgaveherreasonsforbelievingtheminnocent,whenshecametome,shesaid,"LittleSusanVincenthasbeensoorderlyandsogoodeversinceshehasbeenhere,thatIamsureitwasnotshethatdidit,and,ifshehad,Iamsureshewouldconfessit."

IfeltasifIwaschoking;Iputmyheadcleardownsothatnoonecouldseemyface;butthegirls,whohadnoneofthemseenmetouchtheknife,thoughtthatmymodestymademeappearsomuchconfused;noonebutGodandmyselfknewthatIhadaguiltyconscience.Ifelttoodreadfullytospeakthen;Ithoughtofnothingelseallschooltime;Imissedinallmylessons,forIdidnotattendtoanythingthatwassaidtome.TheschoolmistressthoughtIwassick,andIwenthomemiserableenough.

AsIwentalong,IthoughtoverallthatMrs.Brownhadsaidtomeaboutconscience,andIunderstoodthenwhatshemeantbythevoiceofGodintheheart.Nooneaccusedme,butIfeltlikeacriminal;

everyonethoughtwellofme;myschoolmistressandcompanionsalllovedme;butIdespisedandhatedmyself.IfeltasifGodwasdispleasedwithme.

Asusual,IwentdirectlytoMrs.Browntoaskwhatshehadformetodo."What'sthematter,Susan?"saidshe;"youdon'tlookright;haveyoubeennaughty,orareyousick,child?"

IcouldnotbeartohaveherspeaksokindlytomewhenIdidnotdeserveit,andIburstintotears;Ilovedherlikeamother,andI


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toldherall.

"Andnow,Susan,whatareyougoingtodo?"

"Iwantyou,ma'am,totelltheschoolmistress."

"Bettertellheryourself,"sheanswered.

Afterthinkingawhile,IsaidthatIwould;andthenmyconsciencewasalittleeasier.Iwentalittlebeforethetime,thatImightseeheralone.WhenIcamein,Ifoundafriendofherswithher,andIheardmymistresswhisper,"Thisismydearlittleorphangirl."Shecalledmetoher,andtookmeupinherlap."Well,honestlittleSue,"saidshe,"whydon'tyoulookupinmyface,asyouknowyoualwaysdo?"

Thiswastoomuchforme;Iburstintotears,andputmyhandsovermyface.

"What'sthematter,Susan?"saidshe.

AssoonasIcouldspeak,Isaid,"Ididopentheknife;IwaswickedwhenyouthoughtIwasgood,forIdidnottellthetruth;Iopenedandshutalltheblades,andIcutanotchonmynailwith

one,andthenIdidnottellyouofitwhenyouaskedwhoopenedit."WhenIhadgotitallout,Ifeltbetter;itseemedasifagreatloadwastakenoffofmyheart.

Inafewminutes,mykindfriendsaidtome,"Iamsorryyoudidwrong,Susan;butIamverygladtoseethatyouhaveatenderconscience,andthatithasmadeyoucomeandconfessyourfaults;Iamverygladthatyouaresosorry;itisabadsignwhenchildrenthinktheyarehappy,aftertheyhavedonewrong.Itrust,mydearSusan,thatyouhavesufferedsomuch,thatyouwillnevercommitsuchafaultagain;itwasonlyfoolishanddisobedienttotakeupmyknife,butitwasverywrongnottotellme,whenIaskedwhodidit,andletmepunishsomanygirlsforyouroffence."

IsawthatshethoughtIwastheonlyonethathadtouchedtheknife,andbelievedmeworsethanIwas;andthenIfeltwhatadifferencetherewasbetweenagoodandanevilconscience;foritdidnottroublemehalfsomuchthatshethoughtmeworsethanIreallywas,astoseethatshethoughtmebetter.

Thenshesaid,"Youmust,Susan,confessbeforethewholeschoolthatitwasyouthattookmyknife."

Whileshewasspeaking,thegirlscamein.IhadcriedsomuchthatIcouldhardlyspeak;andmygoodfriendsaidthat,asIwasalittlegirl,shewouldspeakforme.

AssoonasshesaidthatIhadconfessedthatitwasIthattooktheknife,almosteverygirlintheschoolcriedout,"ItwasnotlittleSusan,itwasI!""ItwasnotSue,itwasI!"washeardallroundtheroom.Thismademefeelboldenoughtospeak,andIsaid,

"Yes,Ididtakeitupwhenyouwerealloutontheplayground;Iopenedandshutalltheblades,andcutalittlenotchonmynail."

"AndsodidI!""AndsodidI!"washeardfromanumberofvoices.


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"Andwetookitupfirst,"saidallthegirls.

Whentherewassilence,theschoolmistresstoldusthatshewasgladtoseethat,thoughwehaddonewronginthemorning,weweretryingnowtodoright,andrepairourfault;thatalthoughwehadnotobeyedconsciencethen,wewereactingasitdirectedusnow.

"Andareyounotallhappier?"saidshe."Yes,"theyallsaid."AndisnotGodgood,toputthisfeelinginyourhearts,thatmakesyouunhappywhenyoudowrong,andhappywhenyoudoright?Followthisguide,children,anditwillleadyoutoheaven."

Itmayseemstrangethatachild,hardlynineyearsold,shouldrememberallthatwassaidatsuchatime;butIsufferedagreatdealbeforeIconfessedmyfault,forIwasalittleproudofmygoodcharacteratschool,andmysufferingmademeremember.Besides,Mrs.Brownoftentalkedaboutconsciencetome,andtoldmethatImustlearntogovernmyself,forthatwhenshedied,Ishouldhavenothingbutmycharactertodependupon;noguidebutmyBibleandmyconscience,andnoprotectorbutGod.

WhenIwasaboutfifteenyearsold,Mrs.Brown,mykindfriend,died,gosweetlyandcalmlythatdeathinherseemedbeautiful.Isatbyherside,afterIhadclosedhereyes,andlookedinherdear

face,tillevenmygriefatlosingherwasquieted,andtillIfeltwhatwelearninthegoodbook,thatthegoodneverdie.IfeltsurethathersoulwaswithGod.

Afterthefuneral,Iwentouttoinquireforaplace,andsoonfoundone,foreveryoneknewMrs.Brown'sregardforme.

Imetwithagreattroubleatmyfirstplace;Iwasthechambermaid,andthenurserymaidwasenviousofme,becausemymistresslikedmebetterthanher.SheoftenaccusedmeoffaultsIdidnotcommit;but,whenmymistressspoketome,Ilookedandwassoinnocentthatshewasconvinced.

Onemorningmymistresssentforme;assoonasIsawherfaceIknewthatsomethingverybadwasthematter,forthetearscameintohereyeswhenshespoketome.Shetoldmethatshewasverysorry,butthatshecouldnotkeepmeanylonger;shewasgrievedtoloseme,butmoreforthecause.

Iaskedhertotellmethecause.

"Iamafraid,"shesaid,"indeed,Susan,Ihaveagoodreasontobelieve,thatyouarenothonest."

Idoconfess,ladies,thatIwasveryangry;itseemedasifallthebloodinmybodyflewupintomyfaceandhead;Icouldnotspeak,

andIdon'tknowbutmyconfusionandangertogethermademelookguilty.

"Iamglad,"saidshe,"thatyoudon'ttellanyfalsehoodaboutit;youarewelcometostayheretillyougetaplace."

BythistimeIcouldspeak,andIsaidtoher,"Iamasinnocentasthechildjustborn.Inevertooksomuchasapinfromanyone;Idonotwishtostayaminuteinyourhouse;Iwouldnotstayinanyone'shousewhohadaccusedmeofdishonesty;"andIcalleduponmy


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motherandmyfriendMrs.Brown,thoughIknewtheycouldnotanswerme,andIcriedaloudlikeachild.

Mymistressshedtears,andsaidsheshouldnothaveaccusedmewithoutcertainproofsofmydishonesty,andbeggedmetoconfessmyfault,andtostaytillIgotaplace;butItoldherIwouldnotstayanotherminute,andIwenttomychamberandtiedupmybundle,andputonmybonnetandshawl,andwalkedstraightoffwithoutspeakingtoanyone.

IhadgonenearlyamilebeforeIwasatallcalmed,andthen,outofbreath,andmiserablebeyondwordstotell,Isatdownunderanoldtreebytheroadside.Itwasautumn;thetreewasstrippedofitsleaves,thewindsoundedmournfullyamongthedeadbranches,therewereheavydarkcloudsinthesky,andmyheartwasheavieranddarkerthantheclouds,andmysighsweresadderthanthewind.

TheplacewhereIhadbeenlivingwastwomilesfromthevillagewhereIhadlivedwithMrs.Brown,andIhadtakentheroadtoit,thoughthenshewasnottheretotakemein;Ihadnorelationinthewideworld;O,Inevershallforgetthatdrearymoment,andhowdesolateIfelt.Ilookedupintothesky,andcalleduponGod,theFatherofthefatherless;Icriedtohimforhelp,andhelpcametome,forIfeltstrongerandIgrewcomposed;andthenIrememberedI

wasinnocent,andjustthenthesunbrokeoutbetweentwodarkclouds,anditlookedtomelikethepurebrighteyeofGod,lookingrightintomyheart,andseeingmyinnocence;andthenitseemedasifmysoulwasfulloflight,andIwentonmywaytothevillage,feelingasifIhadnodreadfulsorrow.

WhenIgotintothevillage,Irememberedmyoldschoolmistress,andIknewthat,thoughshewaspoorherself,shewouldshareherbedwithmeforanightatleast,andIrememberedthatscripture,"Benotanxiousforthemorrow."

ItwasduskwhenIknockedatherdoor;andO,youknownot,whohaveneverbeenwithoutahappyhome,howcheeringtomyheartwas

thesoundofherkindvoice,saying,"Walkin."Shewasnotveryquicksighted,andatfirstshetookmeforastranger,tillIsaid,"ItisI,MissHowe;doyounotknowme?"Sheturnedmetowardsthelightthatwasstillleftinthewest,andinasecondexclaimed,"Why,itislittleSue,myorphangirl!"Thiswastoomuchforme.Sheputherarmsroundme,andIcriedagainlikeachild;buttheywerenotsuchbittertearsasIhadshedbefore.

"Whatbroughtyouhereatthistime?"saidshe,"andwhatisthematter?Butcometakesomesupperfirst,andtellmeafterwards;youlookverytired."Shetookoffmybonnet,andmademesitdownbythefire,andfinishedgettingherteareadywhichshewaspreparingwhenIcamein,andmademedrinkacupofitbeforesheasked

anotherquestion,andthenshesaid,"Now,Susan,tellmewhatisthematter;somethinghashappened,Iknow."ThenItoldherallthatIknewmyself,forwhymymistresshadtreatedmesoIcouldnottell.

WhenIhadfinished,shesaid,"Now,Susan,youwillfindtheadvantageofagoodcharacter;ifIdidnotbelievethatyouwouldstarvesoonerthanstealortellafalsehood,Ishouldbeafraidaboutyounow;butasitis,Idonotfeeluneasy,forIbelievethatinnocencealwaysprevails.IwilldothebestIcanforyou;I


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shallneverforgetthepenknife;so,mychild,donotcryanymore,andletustalkofotherthings;youshallhavehalfofmybedandwhateverIhave,tillyoucangetaplacetosuityou;so,dear,donotbedowncast."

O,youngladies,youmustknowwhatitistobealoneintheworld,andtobeaccusedwrongfully,tobeabletoknowtheblessingofkindness,oftrueChristiancharity;itseemedasifavoicehadsaidtomytroubledheart,"Peace,bestill."

Directlyafterbreakfastthenextmorning,MissHoweleftme;shesaidshewasgoingtotakeashortwalkbeforeschoolbegan,andshouldsoonreturn.Shelookedmuchpleasedwhenshecameback."Ithink,"saidshe,"Ihavegotagoodplaceforyou.Itisattheminister's;Iheardtheywantedsomeone;Iwentandtoldthemallaboutyou,andtheybelieveyouareinnocent.Mr.A--saysheremembersyouinMrs.Brown'ssickchamber,buthiswifethinksitpropertogoandseetheladyyouhavebeenlivingwith,andhewillcomeandseeyouthisevening."

Atfirstthismademefeelverybadly;myprideandmyangerbegantorise,butafterawhileIconqueredthem.Irememberedthatnoonecouldtakeawaymygoodconscience,andIcouldnotthinkthatIshouldbeforsaken.

Ipassedthedayverycomfortably,andevencheerfully;IsometimesforgotthatIhadanytrouble.Justaftertea,theministercamein;heshookhandsverykindlywithme,buthelookedveryserious,andfixedhiseyerightinmyface.

O,ifIhadnothadagoodconsciencethen,howcouldIhavebornethatlook!butitseemedtomeasifIcouldfeelmysoulcomingupintomyface,totellitsowninnocence;Iamsuremylooksmusthavesaid,Iamnotafraid,forIhavedonenowrong.

Heseemedmoresatisfied,buthetoldmethathehadbeentoMrs.--,whereIhadlived,andshehadtoldhimthattheevidencewasso

greatofmydishonestythatshecouldnotdoubtit.Shewasonlysorryforme.

"Wehavedetermined,"saidhe,"totryyou;Icannotbuthopethatyouarewhatyouseem,innocent;buttimewillshow."

Ihadfeltsoproudofmycharacter,thattheideaofgoingupontrialwashardformetobear,andIjustansweredthatIwouldgo;IwasnotasgratefulasperhapsIoughttohavebeen,foritwasverygoodinhimtobelievemeinnocent,inspiteofallthatwastoldhimagainstme,andIoughttohavethankedhimforhiscompassionuponsuchaforlorncreatureasIwasthen.

Manyyearsafter,IfoundoutwhatIhadbeenaccusedof,andIhadthesatisfactionofhavingmyinnocenceacknowledged.ThemorningofthedaywhenIleftmymistress,shehadreceivedsomemoneyingold.Shehadcountedallthepiecesoververycarefully,andwasaboutputtingthemaway,whenshewascalledsuddenlyoutoftheroomtoseeafriendatthedooruponimportantbusiness.Itwascold,andshecalledme,andsentmeintotheroomforhershawl,whereIneverevensawthegold.

Herbrother,whohadcomewithherfriend,ranintotheroomtowarm


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himselfwhiletheyweretalking;hesawthegold,and,toteasehissister,putoneoftheeaglesintohispocketmeaningtoreturnitthesameday.

Hewasinamerchant'scountinghouse,andthatverydaywassentoutoftownuponimportantbusiness,atonlyaminute'swarning.Hewasacarelessfellow,andforgothisjest,anddidnotlearntilllongafterwardsitssadconsequences.

Mymistress,whoknewthatnoonehadenteredtheroombutherbrotherandI,andwascertainofheraccuracyincountingthemoney,wasconvincedthatIwasathief.Shehadbelievedsomeill-naturedthingstheotherservant,whodislikedme,hadsaidagainstme,andhadbecomereadytothinkillofme.When,longafter,thisladyfoundoutherinjustice,shetookpainstodeclaremyinnocenceandtoaskmyforgiveness.Butladiesshouldbecarefulnottoaccusepoorgirlswrongfully,andnottoleavemoneyabout.Terribleruinmayfollowsuchcarelessness.

AfterIhadlivedfiveyearsattheminister's,Imarriedacarpenter,agoodman,whommyfriendsallliked;and,thoughIwasalmostbrokenheartedatleavingmyhappyhome,Iwaswillingtogiveupallforhim.

Andthennewtroublesandtrialsbegan.Myhusbandwasnotverysuccessfulatfirst,butItookinsewing,andwegotalong;welovedeachother,andwereveryhappy.Butaboutayearandahalfafterourmarriage,hehadafallfromahouse,andinjuredhisspine,andafterasicknessofthreemonthshedied.

Atthetimehewasbroughthomesodreadfullyhurt,Ihadaninfantsixweeksold;Iwasnotverystrong,andnursingmyhusband,andthecareofmyinfant,andmydistressathisdeath,alltogether,weretoomuchforme;Ihadasevereillness.Thedoctor,whowasaverykindman,tookcareofmeandsentmeanurse,whotendedmethroughtheworstofmyillness,anddidnotleavemetillIwasabletocrawlabout,andhelpmyselfandtakecareofmypoorbaby,

whohadbeensadlyneglected;forIwassosickthatIrequiredallthenurse'sattention;andnowcamemyhardesttrial.

OnenightinDecember,aboutthreemonthsaftermyhusband'sdeath,Iwassittingovermylittlefirelateintheevening,readingmyBible,inhopesthatthosewordsofcomfortmightquietmygrief,whenIwasstartledbyaknockatthedoor,andmylandlordentered.Helivedintheotherpartofthehouseinwhichherentedmeoneroom;Ineverlikedthisman,andatfirstIfeltfrightened,butinaminuteIgotoverit.

"Iwanttherent,"hesaid.

"Butyouknow,"Isaid,"allmytroubles,andthatmypoorhusbandleftnothing,thatIhavebeensick,andthatIhavenomoney;Ishallsoonbeabletoearnenoughtopayyou,ifyouwillonlytakepityonmeandwaittillIcan."

"Well,"saidhe,"onegoodturndeservesanother;perhapsI'llaccommodateyouifyouwilldosomethingforme."

"IfitisanythingIcando,"Isaid,"Ishouldbegladtodoit,andverythankfultoyouforyourkindnessinwaitingfortherent."


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Hewentintotheotherroomandbroughtinalargebundleoflacesandsilksandothervaluablegoods."Iwantyou,"saidhe,"toopenyourfeatherbedandputallthesethingsintoit;theyarerightlymine,butIhavemyreasonsforwishingtohidethem;somegoodshavebeenstolen,andtheconstablesareafterthem,andiftheyweretoseethesetheymightseizetheminsteadofthosetheyaresearchingfor,anditwouldmakeagreatbother."

Ihadnodoubttheywerestolengoods,andIsaidimmediatelythatIwouldnotdowhathewishedmeto,butascivillyasIcould.

"Iwill,"saidhe,"giveyouoneofthepiecesofcambricforyourtrouble,andIwillneveraskyouforthislastquarter'srent;itwillbeagreatfavortome,fortheyknowthatyouaresick,andyouhavethecreditofbeingveryhonest,andthethingswouldnotbetouchedinyourbed,andagreatdealoftroublewouldbesaved."

"Iwill,"saidI,"keepthecreditofbeinghonest;Icanhavenothingtodowithanyofthesethings;yourconsciencecanbesttellwhethertheyarehonestlycomeby."

"Doyoudare,"saidhe,"tosayIstolethem?"insuchaloudvoiceastowakeupmypoorbabyandtomakemestart.

"Isaynothing,"Ianswered,"butthatitisagainstmyconsciencetodowhatyouaskedmetodo."

Heflewintoapassion,andsaid,"Conscienceornoconscience,youdoasIaskyouto,oroutofmyhouseyougothisverynight."

"Notto-night,"Isaid.

"Yes,to-night,"heanswered."DoasItellyou,andyouhavenorenttopay,andthispieceofcambricisyours,andIamyourfriend;butrefuseme,andoutofthehouseyougothisverynight;Ihavewarnedyoulongenoughtopaytherent."

ItoldhimthatIcouldnotdowhatwasagainstmyconscienceforallthegoodsofthisworld,andthatifhewassocruelastoturnmeoutofdoors,Godwouldprotectmeandmychild."But,"saidI,"areyounotafraidtodosuchawickedthing,itissodarkandstormy,andmypoorbaby"--andatthethoughtthatithadnofathertoprotectit,Iburstintotears,andcouldnotspeak.

Hewassilent,andseemedtofeelsomepity.Presentlyhesaid,"Well,youmaystaytilldaylight,butthenyoumusteitherhidethesethingsforme,oryoumustmarch.AndIsupposeitwillnotworryyourstomachtoletthesethingsstayheretillthen."Soheputthegoodsonachair,andlaidmycloakandbonnetuponthem.

Assoonashewasgone,andhisdoorshut,Itookthethingsandputthemalljustoutsideofthedoor.Iwastoomuchtroubledandfrightenedtogotobed.Atbreakofdayhewasinmyroomagain."WillyoudoasIdesire,"saidhe,"orwillyouclearout?I'llmakeyoupayforputtingthesethingsonthedirtyfloor."Hestoppedaminute."Come,now,hidethesethings,andwearefriends,andnotroubleaboutyourrent,andall'sright,youknow."

IthankheaventhatIneverhesitated;itdidnotseemapossible


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enoughtohishouse,andgotmethislittleroomintheneighborhood,whereIhavetakeninsewingwork,andhaveeversincegotaverygoodliving.

WhenIinquiredaboutmylandlord,Ifoundthattheofficerscamethatmorning,foundthestolengoods,andcarriedhimtoprison.Myfriendwenttoseehim,andtoldhimfrommethatassoonasIcouldearnthemoney,IwouldpayhimwhatIowedhim.ThisIdidwiththeveryfirstmoneyIreceived.Iwenttoseehim,andtooktherenttohimmyself.Hedidnotknowme,thestoophadchangedmesomuch.

Certainly,ladies,sheadded,Ihavemetwithwhatarecalledgreatmisfortunes;IhavelostallthatIlovedbestonearth,andIamacrippleforlife;butIstillrejoicetothinkthatmymother'sprayerhasbeenheardforme;throughtheblessingofGodIhavebeensavedfromtheevilthatthereisintheworld,forIhaveeverhadthetestimonyofagoodconscience.

Thesunwassettingbeforetheoldladyhadfinishedherstory;itsslantingbeamsstreamedinthroughthenarrowwindow,andfellonthegraylocksthatwerepartedneatlyonherforehead,andonherbright,calm,upliftedeye,andgaveaglowofyouthfulenthusiasmandcelestialbrightnesstoherface.

EndofTheProjectGutenbergEtextofConscience,byElizaLeeFollen

conscience by follen, eliza lee cabot, 1787-1860

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