Dating Abuse andHealthy Relationships

Teresa HuangPeer Educator

About UsIce Breaker: Buzzer Exercise

“I have the right to a safe and healthy relationship,free from violence and fear.”

About UsAbout Us

Loveisrespect is the ultimate resource to engage, educate and empower youth

and young adults to prevent and end abusive relationships.

Break the

Cycle

National Dating Abuse Hotline

Loveisrespect

Everyone has the right to be in asafe and healthy relationship!

Loveisrespect believes…

About UsAbuse Can Happen to Anyone

• Dating abuse affects 1 out of 3 young people.• Dating violence occurs in all neighborhoods,

income levels, and ethnic groups.• Both guys and girls can be perpetrators or victims

of abuse.• Dating violence happens

in straight and same-sexrelationships.

• Most abuse gets moresevere over time.

About UsWhat is Dating Abuse?

“A pattern …”

About UsWhat is Dating Abuse?

Dating abuse is a pattern of destructive behaviors used to exert power and control

over a dating partner.

About UsMyths and Stereotypes

• Only physical abuse• Just bad temper that can’t be controlled• Just learned behavior from

childhood• Easy to leave• Mental illness• Girls cannot be abusive• Only heterosexual relationships • Only in long-term relationships

About UsTypes of Abuse

Physical Sexual

Verbal /Emotional Digital

About UsWhat Does Dating Abuse Look Like?

• Spreading rumors • Constant put-downs/insults• Hitting, pushing, scratching,

spitting, or pulling hair• Extreme jealousy or insecurity• Mood swings• Keeping one from spending

time on extracurricular activities

• Isolation from friends or family• Threatening harm to oneself• Threatening to out a teen’s

sexuality or gender identity

• Refusing to practice safe sex• Refusing to use birth control or

purposely damaging birth control

• Forcing unwanted sexual activity

• Pressure to take/send inappropriate pictures

• Checking someone’s cell phone to see who they talk to

• Texting constantly to monitor one’s activities or whereabouts

Questions About Types of Abuse?

About UsThe Impact

About UsWhat is Dating Abuse?

Communication - Respect - Trust - Equality - Personal Space - Consent

Breaks in Communication - Pressure - Dishonesty - Struggles for Control

Disrespect - False Accusations - Blame Shifting - Isolation - Manipulation

About UsWarning Signs

• Extreme Jealousy • Possessiveness • Controlling behavior and setting rules • Mood swings and explosive temper • Excessive phone calls and check ins • Physically hurting you in any way • Isolating you from family and friends • Constant put downs • Telling you what to do • Financial control

About UsObstacles

• fear of the abuser/friendsor family

• language barriers• embarrassment• low self esteem• hoping abuser will change• believing abuse is normal• cultural religious reasons• lack of money

• fear of being outed• pregnancy or parenting • distrust of police• nowhere to go• reluctance to report

abuser• peer pressure• “puppy love” phenomena

LISTEN Be supportive Be non-judgmental Connect them to

Loveisrespect resources

Help them create a safety plan

How to Help a Friend

About UsSafety Planning

• Leaving is often the hardest and scariest part of being in an abusive relationship.

• It is important to have a well thought out safety plan prior to leaving an abusive relationship.

A safety plan includes…• Contact person• Safety route• Resources• Plan needs to be realistic and specific to the situation• Visit www.loveisrespect.org to learn more

About UsSafety Planning

Important questions to ask are…..• What can I do to stay safe in my home? • How do I safely get to work or school? • Is there a safe place I can go when abuse

happens? • Who can walk with me from one class to

another? • Who can I call if I feel I am in danger?

About UsRestraining Order Facts

• Restraining Orders are FREE.• California state law allows minors to petition

for a RO on their own at age 12.• Child under the age of 12 must have a

parent, guardian, or custodian petition on their behalf.

• California law does require the court to notify at least one parent or guardian of RO.

Questions About Getting Help?

About UsHealthy Relationships

It is important to think about what you want in your relationships…• Make a list of Healthy and Unhealthy

behaviors.• Be aware of warning signs of abuse

as well as signs of healthy behaviors.• Relationships are not perfect!

It’s okay to disagree as long as you communicate and respect one another.

• Everyone has a right to a safe and healthy relationship.

About UsHealthy Relationships: Conflict Resolution

Set Boundaries Find the Real Issue Agree to Disagree Compromise when Possible Consider Everything

• While conflict is normal, your arguments shouldn’tinvolve degrading or humiliating comments.

• You should be able to express yourself without fear of retaliation.

• Take a Healthy Relationship quiz to learn more.

About UsHealthy Relationships: Communication

Find the Right Time Talk Face to Face Do Not Attack Be Honest Check Your Body Language Use the 48 Hour Rule

Communicating isn’t always easy. At first, some of these tips may feel unnatural or awkward, but they will help you communicate better and build a healthy relationship.

If you are angry, remember to… Stop Think Talk Listen

Final Questions?

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Love is…

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