dealing with difficult vendors, end-users, and annoying people alan h. culpeper, cppo, vco culpeper...
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Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and
Annoying People
Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO
Culpeper County, Virginia
(540) 727-3488
Who is Your Difficult Person?
Top 10 Most Difficult People10.The Jurassic Park
T-Rex Dinosaur
9. Co-Working Sniper
8. The Know-It-All
7. The Done-It-All
6. The Time Bomb
5. The “No Problem” Vendor
4. The Indecisive End-User
3. The Secret Agent
2. The Negative Person
1. The Whiner
Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target?
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
People Focus
Passive
Get-R-Done
Where Does Your Difficult Person Hit the Target?
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Get-R-Done
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
T-RexWhiner
Negative Person
No Problem Teammate
Indecisive end-user
Secret Agent
Done-it-All
Time Bomb
Sniper
Know-it-All
We Always have Choices1. Do nothing and take it on the chin
2. Wash your hands and walk away
3. Change your attitude
4. Change your behavior
The Random, or Intentional
Outcome
Difficult Behavior and Your Behavior
Learn From The Past
Manage The Present
Visualize The Future
Dealing with Difficult People We:
Control the Tense The Three Core Issues Are:
1. Blame
2. Values
3. Choice
1. Blame = Past
2. Values = Present
3. Choice = Future
Who authorized the Change Order? Blame
Should ethical procurement methods be used? Values
Which method of procurement should we use? Choice
How Do We Talk with Difficult People?
Logic: Influenced by reasoning of the facts.
Character: Influenced by reputation, and ability to look trustworthy
Emotions: Influenced by registering concern for other peoples emotions.
Rules of Engagement
Action
+ Emotion
+ Intelligence
We Must Engage
Body
+
Heart
+
Mind
Disagreement to Collaboration - Unconscious Communications
Blending Redirecting
We Get What We Project & Expect
Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth
We Get What We Project & Expect
You become like the people you hang around.
Always give people the benefit of the doubt.
Appreciate criticism and Say “Thank you”. Don’t argue.
Difficult Person Type One: T-Rex
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Get-R-Done
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Get-R-Done
• Controlling
Intent
What is the T-Rex’s Motivation?
Blame
Values
Our Strategy?
Logic
Our Goal?Command Respect.
Be Strong & Capable
Watch your emotion with the T-Rex because in anger you may…
Counter Attack Attempt to defend, explain, or justify your
position Shut down
Your Goal?
Command Respect & Be Strong & Capable
Action Plan with the T-Rex Hold your ground Interrupt the attack T-Rex has Attention Deficit Disorder
(ADD) Promote peace with honor
What if Your T-Rex is Right, and You are Wrong?
Never say “I’m sorry” Admit your mistake State it was a learning experience Will prevent this from happening again
Difficult Person Type Two:The Co-Working Sniper
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Get it Done
• Appreciation
Intent
People Focus
Get-R-Done
Tell-Tell Signs of the Sniper
Rude comments
Sarcastic humor
Bitter voice tone
Insecurity
What is the Snipers Motivation?
Blame Angry on how events
turn out
Values Carry grudges with
anyone who interferes To undermine Just to get attention
Our Strategy?
Character
Our Goal?Bring them out of
hiding
Action Plan
The facial expression look back Use questions of intent Use relevant questions Look Innocent Use T-Rex’s strategies if needed
The Snipers Options
1. Back off
2. Keep going out on the limb until it breaks
3. Drop out of the tree & attack like a T-Rex
Difficult Person Type Three: The Know-It-All
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Get it done their way
• Questioning their authority
Intent
People Focus
Get-R-Done
Motivation of the Know-It-All
Values
Choice
Our Strategy?
Logic & Emotions
Our Goal?Get them to think it
was their idea
First Rule “Lock & Load”
It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove
Action Plan
Know the facts Look and listen like you’re interested Empathize with their doubts & desires Present your view indirectly Turn them into your mentor
Difficult Person Type Four: The Done It-All Person
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Get appreciatedIntent
People Focus
Get-R-Done
Motivation of the Done-It-All
Values Attentive Assertive Like to be a part of
the conversation
Our Strategy?
Character
Our Goal?Remove their bad
ideas
Action Plan Show genuine interest with
enthusiasm Clarify for specifics Tell it like it is Give them a break
Difficult Person Type Five: The Time Bomb
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Try to get appreciatedIntent
People Focus
Get-R-Done
When Will The Time Bomb“Go Off?
Values Unknown
Our Strategy?
Character
Our Goal?Take Control of the
Situation and Defuse the Time
Bomb
Action Plan Get their attention Reduce intensity Put them in the “Time out” chair Preventive Maintenance
Difficult Person Type Six: The “No Problem” Vendor
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Getter Done
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Seek approval
Intent
People Focus
Passive
Can do, No Problem
Choice All promises are
made for the future
Our Strategy?
Logic
Our Goal?Get them to do what
they say they will do
Action Plan Open Communications Help them learn to plan Ensure Commitment Write it down Confirm deadlines Strengthen the Relationship
Difficult Person Type Seven: The Indecisive Person
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Procrastinate
Intent
People Focus
Passive
Get-R-Done
Any decision is better than waiting on their indecision
What do you mean it’s not aSole Source?
Choice Procrastinates May be afraid of the
Repercussions
Our Strategy?
Logic
Our Goal?Help them to learn to
think decisively
Action Plan Maintain a Comfort Zone Clarify Options Use Decision Making List Reassure and follow through
Difficult Person Type Eight: The Secret Agent
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Get along
•Get it right
Intent
People Focus
Passive
Get-R-Done
The Intent of the Secret Squirrel
Blame
Value
Choice
Our Strategy?
Character
Our Goal?Get them to squeal
like a pig
Action Plan Plan enough time Ask open ended questions Use humor
Difficult Person Type Nine: The Negative End-User
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• Everyone is wrong
• Does not allow for change
Intent
People Focus
Passive
Get-R-Done
Motivated to be Negative
Values Everyone is wrong
Choice Does not like
change
Our Strategy?
Emotions
Our Goal?Help them solve the
problem
Action Plan Go with the flow Use them as your Risk Manager Leave the door open Go for the polarity response Acknowledge their good intent
Difficult Person Type Ten: The Whiner
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone
Attention & AppreciationConsent
Be exactly Right
Precision Manipulate
Center of AttentionSeeking
Consent
Task Force
Aggression
• To complain
• Worry
Intent
People Focus
Passive
Get-R-Done
Three Types of Whiners
1. Helpful Whiner
2. Therapeutic Whiner
3. Obnoxious Whiner
Contributors to their Whining Voice
1. The weight of the world on their shoulders, which grows heavier as they continue to find and collect problems.
2. The effort required to whine about it.
3. Feeling of uselessness since no one offers any useful ideas
The Motivation of the Whiner
Blame To Complain To Worry
Our Strategy?
Emotions
Our Goal?Recruit them as a
Team Player
What to Do and Not to do for the Whiner
Do Have
Commitment Patience Compassion
Don’t
Agree or Disagree Solve their problems Ask why they are
complaining
Action Plan Listen for the main points Interrupt & get down to the
specifics Shift the focus to a solution Show them the future Draw the line
Dealing with Your Difficult Person
The Core Issues Blame Values Choice
Influence Logic Character Emotions
Dealing with Your Difficult Person
Blend and Redirect Their Thoughts Listen to Understand Speak to be Understood Tell the Truth
Dealing With Difficult Vendors, End-Users, and
Annoying People
Alan H. Culpeper, CPPO, VCO
Culpeper County, Virginia
(540) 727-3488