CLUB NEWSLETTER JULY 2018CLUB NEWSLETTER JULY 2018“Wilsford House” 30 Long Street, Devizes, Wilts SN10 1NW      Tel 01380

722005

www.devizesconsclub.co.uk email: devizesconservativeclub@hotmail.com

“We are an Example to all”

Dear Club members, since you honoured me by electing me to the position of “President of Devizes and District Conservative Club”, I have attended and sought to represent you, OUR Club and our collective achievements at meetings of the South West Branch of The Association of Conservative Clubs Ltd and at the national, Annual General Meetings of “The Association”, held at The Carlton Club in London.

On each occasion, local and national, I have taken the opportunity to discuss the trials, tribulations and gradual redemption of Our Devizes Club with The Association’s CEO, The Lord Smith of Hindhead CBE.

At this year’s AGM and on every occasion that I have spoken to him, he has been helpful and encouraging in his comments and via the Association, he has been more practically supportive of our Treasurer’s and your committee’s proposals and requests.

Nonetheless, I was very pleasantly surprised, when, during the “Chairman’s (The Rt. Hon. Alistair Burt MP. Minister of State for The Middle East”) report to The 2018 AGM, he was very specific, with his complimentary comments upon Our development of Our club.

Within his speech, he referred to the difficulties that we had experienced and overcome, over the last few years, the refurbishment of our club (structurally, commercially and socially) and to our phenomenal success with membership recruitment (as he reported an increase of 180 since the last AGM.) He congratulated us on all that we (Committee, staff and membership) have achieved and recommended us as an example to all members of The Association.

On conclusion of his comments, The Chairman called upon me to identify myself, from amongst the proliferation of Club worthies assembled in the imposing chamber (which was dominated by a Photograph of Winston Churchill) I did this by waving my papers in the air and then falling back into my more natural and comfortable obscurity.

However, I will confess to a feeling of great pride that OUR achievements and OUR great potential, had, so publicly, been recognised and drawn to the attention of all of our contemporaries. I wish to assure you that I was very conscious, at that moment, that this accolade was not due to or aimed at me but rather it was attributed directly to the efforts of all those associated with our Great Club: Staff, Club Members, Committee members and their Steadfast Officers. That is, YOU.

On behalf of “The Club” I Thank you all.

Jerry Willmott CBE., QFSM: - President of The Devizes & District Conservative Club.

Annual General Meeting 2018 -Treasurer’s Report (Summarised)This is my third Treasurers Report and I am pleased to confirm that we continue on an upward trend. Initially we will review our profit/loss account.

31 March 2018 31 March 2017 31 March 2016

Turnover (wet sales) 163724 143792 (+14%) 122381 (+34%)

Gross Profit 100602 81689 61760

Additional Income 67496 61188 46384

Rates Rebate 18921

Overheads 130711 119135 130254

Operating Profit/loss 36913 40529 (23499)**

**Following Legal costs etc.

We see an increase in sales of 14%.and up £40000 over a 2 year period. Gross Profit is increased by £19500 or 24%. Gross profit margin has improved due to increased sales from our function room where the majority is at non-members prices. Based on the current pub and club sector performance these are excellent numbers.

The increased overheads are due mainly to wages and depreciation:-

Increase in wages due to minimum wage, increased activity and Managers last year not being remunerated for a part of the year.

Increase in depreciation is due to the new furniture and equipment purchased and depreciated at the rate of 20%

Also please note that included in the overheads is repairs and maintenance of £17,000 approximately.

Additional Income comparisons are distorted by the rates rebate received during 2017. Ignoring the refund we see growth in additional income of 10%. This is mainly driven by increased room hire (which includes staff hire for functions) car park rental and flat rental. We are particularly pleased with an increase in members’ subscriptions.

We see a Profit Before Tax of £36913 compared to £40529 for the previous year. Again taking out the Rates rebate we see last year’s profit adjusted to £21608 so on a like for like basis an increase in profitability of £15305 or an increase of 70%. As a committee we are all very pleased with the results we are now seeing.

Importantly our cash balances have increased to in excess of £73000 even after the improvements we have made and continue to make. For the first time in many, many years our cash balances exceed our loan facility. Cash balances as of today are at a Figure of £82000. This will reduce as we undertake improvements that are now planned but will build up again thereafter. It is the committee’s strategy to maintain as a minimum £50,000 which cannot be touched other than in an emergency as a contingency. In that way we will never return to where we were 3 or 4 years ago.

The not so good news is that we have a tax liability of £3684. The price of success I am afraid. We pay tax on the flat rental and car parking fees less any costs.

In summary another record year for our club in terms of income generated and trading profit. As a Treasurer and on behalf of our Manager and Committee I feel that we can all be proud of what we have achieved this year.

Full copy of the year end accounts are on the notice board.

Regards to all and please continue to support your club.

Chris - Treasurer

New! 65” Smart TV in the Family Room

Recently the Club has purchased a Panasonic 65” smart TV, complete with Freesat for the family room - just in time for all you sports fans! Pop in and take advantage of the big screen.

Work during the summer months

As it is a little quieter now due to the skittles and the rifle league being on summer break the family room and the main passageway are in the process of being completely redecorated including new carpets throughout. Two new doors have been fitted to the function room and family room and new flooring is being laid in the function room to replace the carpeted area. The main function room floor is due for its

annual cleaning and maintenance service to keep it fit for purpose. All work is taking place with minimum disruption. All bookings are going ahead as normal.

Gin Loyalty Card Launch

This month sees the new arrival of the “It’s Gin O’Clock” Loyalty Card.

For gin drinkers - and would be gin drinkers - this is a must have. The idea is to try all 6 of our newly stocked gins which include standard, premium and super premium and receive your favourite free - it’s as simple as that just

pick up a card from the bar.

Calling all Shoppers

Our new promotional jute shopping bags have now arrived - they are both practical and eye-catching so Ladies and Gentlemen please ask at the bar for your complimentary bag when you next visit the Club.

All that we ask is that you take it with you when you go out and about, shopping etc - the men have said what a handy lunch bag it is - whatever you use it for the idea is to get the club noticed and for people to realize that we are the town’s premier entertainment venue and we offer room hire for all occasions from

the cradle to the grave.

Family Quiz Winners Saturday 16 th June

“The Recycled Teenagers” “The Four of Us” Quiz Winners Quiz Runners up John Webb’s Team Les Welling’s Team

Next Member’s Quiz and Bingo Flyer Evening in the Lounge

Saturday 28th July - 8.45 pm start - test your general knowledge and later your luck with cash prizes for bingo

Club Super Skittles EveningEight teams took part in the Club Super Skittles evening on Saturday 23rd June. It was a great night and it was all very competitive and very enjoyable. Many thanks to Janine and Mandy who organized the teams kept the scores and prepared the complimentary buffet provided by the Club. Thanks also to the bar staff,

Sarah, Blake, Stacey and Ella, and the sticker’s up who worked really hard all evening to keep the pace up. Many thanks to Andy Hyde for all the behind the scenes work and most importantly thank you to all the skittle members who answered my emails and texts and turned up on the evening to allow it to run so

smoothly.

Well done to the winners - “Young Generation” with Runner’s up - “Flookers”

Young Generation Skittles Team

Janine presenting £60 first prize to Robin Drake Captain of the Young Generation

Flookers Skittles Team Captain Sue Holloway with £30 runners up prize

2018 Inter-Affiliation Tickets

Having recently sold out of these tickets we now have new stock and they are available to purchase over the bar for just £2.50 each. This is your passport to visit other Conservative Clubs in the country and see how we

compare to them. When you do pop in for a visit act as our ambassador and introduce yourself - take on board what’s happening there and bring any new ideas back with you.

Bingo Dates

7 games for £3 a book, 2 x flyers for £1 per book. New players are welcome.

A selection of rolls will be available. Please check dates carefully as they are a mixture of Fridays and Sundays.

*Extra dates have been slotted in during the summer months.

Friday 29th June*Friday 6th July, Friday 13th July

Friday 27th July, Friday 10th August*Friday 17th August, Friday 24th August

*Friday 31st August

Country Music Club just £5 for club membersOrganised by Devizes CMCwww.deadkoolcountry.com

Entry on the door

Sunday 8th July - The Flyin’ A’sSunday 22nd July - The Devil’s Prefects

Sunday 2nd September - Stevie O’ConnorSunday 16th September - Angels with Dirty Faces

Sunday 30th September - Simon ClewlowSunday 14th October - The Outlaw Orchestra

Sunday 28th October - Lars PlutoSunday 11th November - Ragged Union

Sunday 25th November - Lily Garland and Becky LawrenceSunday 9th December - The Ultimate Gareth Brooks Experience

Con Club Members: £5 Non-Members: £7 Under 18’s FREEDoors open: 7.30 pm 8 pm - 10.30 pm

Thursday Lunches Available from 12 - 2 pm

Our in-house chefs, Louise & Matt, will cook you a delicious meal from their specials menu, just pop in and take a look at the blackboard for

details. Well worth a visit.“No need to book”

Other Dates For Your Diary

Please ask for tickets at the bar (Some tickets are not yet available but will be shortly)

Saturday 30th JuneDevizes Scooter Club presents “Suited & Booted”

Tickets £5 in advance, £7 on the doorDoors open 7.30 pm

Saturday 7 th July Devizes CMC presents “Elvis 56”

Andrew Macnewman plus rock n roll discoMain show 9 pm

Tickets £5

Saturday 14th July Member’s Event - Singer in the Lounge - “Madel”

Back by popular demand

Friday 20th JulyClub Quiz night in the main Hall in aid of Caenhill Countryside Centre

Teams of up to 6 £5 per personDoors open 7.30 pm Start 8 pm

All raffle prizes gratefully received

Saturday 21st JulyDevizes Scooter Club “Charity BBQ Day”

FREE ENTRY 12 - 12All welcome in aid of Devizes Opportunity Centre

Bars, music, raffle, cake stall, etc

Saturday 11th AugustMembers Reward Evening in the Lounge

“Port & Cheese Taster Evening”Members: £5 Non members £8. This event is subsidised by the Club.

Doors open 7.30 pm Start 8 pm A selection of cheeses will be on offer supplied by “The Fine Cheese Company” based in Bath; they are experts in maturing artisan British cheeses. Their reputation earned them “Best in Class” at the Artisan Cheese Festival Awards 2018. www.finecheese.co.uk

A selection of Port will be available to sample with a complimentary glass on arrival and a further glass from the choice available thereafter.

This event will be ticket only and limited to first come first served - the early bird drinks the Port! Tickets must be paid for when booking in advance. No reservations.

Saturday 25th AugustDevizes Scooter Club presents “All that Soul”

Tickets £12 (Available end of July)Doors open 7.30 pm

Saturday 1st SeptemberDevizes Country Music Club commemorates the centenary of the First World War

“The George Formby Experience with Special guest Jayne Darling”Doors open 7.30 pm, Main show 8.15 pm

Club Member Tickets £5

Saturday 22nd September Devizes Scooter Club Event

Saturday 29th SeptemberMember’s Event - Singer in the Lounge - Beverlyn

Saturday 13th OctoberMember’s Reward Evening in the Lounge

“Matt’s Pie & a Pint Night”(Alternatively a small glass of wine or soft drink)

Choose one from a selection of homemade pies + mash, peas & gravy and a drink Members £3: Non members £6. This event is subsidised by the Club.

Order and collect your ticket from the bar. This event is advance ticket only and is limited on a first come first served basis. Tickets must be paid for at time of booking, no reservations.

(Images below for display purposes only)

Choose from a pie and a pint, a pie & a glass of wine or a pie & a soft drink of your choice

Saturday 27th OctoberDevizes Scooter Club Event

Monday 31st DecemberNew Year’s Eve Party hosted by Devizes Scooter Club

Saturday Night Draw

Every Saturday night we hold a raffle in the Club with the draw taking place at 10 pm in the lounge bar. Tickets are available to buy all week from the bar and on Saturday night one/two committee member/s will be selling them and conducting the draw. Among the variety of prizes to be won is a £10 cash prize which, if you are in the club at the time of the draw, you can gamble for a chance to ‘open the box’ and win the cash. At time of going to print £100 to be won in the box.

Long Street Blues Club

www.longstreetbluesclub.co.uk/gigs

All tickets available from the club bar

Season tickets available: All six gigs £70 Pick ‘n’ Mix five gigs £60

Saturday 8th September - Hamilton Loomis - Doors 7.45 pm, Main band 9.15 pmAdvance tickets: £16/£18 on the door.

Saturday 6th October - Del Bromham's Blue Devils and Ken Pustelnik's GroundhogsDoors open 7.45 pm, Show starts 8.15 pm

Advance tickets: £16/£18 on the door

Saturday 20th October - Ryan McGarvey - Doors 7.45 pm, Main band 9.15pmAdvance tickets: £15/£17 on the door

Saturday 3rd November - The Malone Sibun Band - Doors 7.45 pm, Main band 9.15pmAdvance tickets: £15/£17 on the door

Saturday 17th November - Lightnin' Willie with All Star US Band - Doors 7.45 pm, Main band 9.15pm

Advance tickets: £15/£17 on the door

Saturday 22nd December - We remember Joe Cocker - Doors 7.45 pm, Main band 9.15pmAdvance tickets: £16/£18 on the door

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL EVENT COMING UP THIS

YEAR? WE CAN ACCOMMODATE YOU

Weddings, Christenings, Wakes, Retirements, Presentation Evenings, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Children’s Parties, Fundraisers, Business Meetings, Clubs, Classes, Any Event Considered

Very Competitive Rates Friendly Helpful Staff

Capacity 180/200 Licensed Bar Flexible Catering Free Car Parking Tailored Packages to suit Your Individual Needs

Smiles Corner Episode 7Submitted by Steve Hyde

A bloke got chatting to a girl in a club.

Call Carol on 01380 722005/07929923433 or

email devizesconservativeclub@hotmail.com BOOK EARLY TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked.“Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Because guys like you always seem to have girlfriends in my experience?”“No, sadly not,” he assured her. “We split up just over a month ago”.“Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that”, she said. “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine, please”.Well after a few more drinks and a bit of a kiss and a cuddle, they headed off back to her place and made mad passionate love for the next few hours. Then, while he was putting his clothes back on, she said, “You’re good looking, you seem to be a genuinely nice guy, and you are absolutely amazing in bed. So can I ask you why on earth did you split up with your girlfriend?”He took a deep breath and said, “My wife found out about her”.

I went to the supermarket last Friday afternoon on my bicycle and went in to buy a bottle of whiskey and put it in my saddle bag. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break, so I drank all the whiskey before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off several times along the way.

“Doctor, Doctor you’ve got to help me, my hands won’t stop shaking”.“Hmmm. Do you drink a lot?” replied the Doctor.“Not really, I spill most of it”.

A man enters the barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing”, says the barber, and takes two small wooden balls from a nearby drawer.“Just place these between your cheeks and gums”.The client places the balls in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave he has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client is very impressed.“Just one thing”, he asks in a garbled voice. “What if I swallow them?”“No problem”, says the barber. “Just bring them back tomorrow like everyone else does”.

Submitted by Chris Jones

A gardener was digging out a border and hit something hard, a bit of metal. He digs it up and takes it to his shed to clean up. He rubs it clean and is surprised to find that it's in the shape of a lamp. After further rubbing there is a flash and a Genie appears.

Thank you thank you says the Genie I have been locked up in there for over a 1000 years!! I am so pleased at being released that I am going to grant you a wish. Anything you want.

Well I do fly to America very often with my work and I really hate flying. So my wish is that you build a road from London to New York to prevent me from having to fly.

I am so sorry says the Genie but my civil engineering skills are a bit out of date having been in the bottle for 1000 years. I could do it but it would take me a long time. Would you mind having another wish?

Well OK then. Me and the wife are not getting on very well at the moment., she claims that I don't understand her.

If you can give me the ability to understand how a woman's mind works we can improve our marriage.

The Genie gives it some thought. You know the road you wanted - did you want two lanes or four!!

Thought for the day Submitted by Steve Hyde

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.