diary of a cricket god (excerpt)
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7/31/2019 Diary of a Cricket God (excerpt)
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Its a worse day than when I scored that own goalwith my bottom . . . and some smart alec took aphoto for the school magazine.
(My Diary of a Soccer Starhas details of that awful day.)
TODAY IS WORSE THAN ALL THOSE DAYS PUTTOGETHER!!!
You see, Dads decided that justbecause I scored in thatsoccer tournament a fewmonths back (with myfeet, not my bottom)
that I have aGIFT for SPORT.
Right, Dad it was a fluke!!!
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He thinks that I have aFUTURE in SPORT.
Get real, Dad Iscored when no one waspaying attention it
doesnt mean anything!!!
He thinks Nike or Adidas or Puma might beinterested in me . . .
PUMA?
Isnt that some sort of mountain lion?A mountain lion might be interested in me?Is he threatening me?
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Yes, but Usain Bolt can run really fast! He doesnthave to be afraid.
Is Dad going to feed me to the lions if I donthave a FUTURE in SPORT?
What sort of dad are you???
I dont say that out loud. I dont know wherehes keeping these pumas and I dont want totake a chance.
I may not have a GIFT for SPORT, but Im notcompletely DUMB, so there.
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Back to the reason that this is the WORST DAYOF MY LIFE, EVER . . .
Dad wants me to play cricket.
Dad wants me to play cricket!!!
Isnt a cricket some
sort of insect?
Dad wants me toplay a game thatsnamed after aninsect?
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Dad is a marketing guru.
I know that becauseit says so on his namecard . . .
and on his door,letterhead,envelopes andeven a T-shirt(he had it specially made).
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MY CRICKET DIARY
Today is the worst day ofmy life EVER.
EVER, EVER, EVER . . .
Im not kidding!!
Its a worse daythan when JT(the school bully)hid my clothes
after swimming
. . . and I had to go to class in my Speedos.
Its a worse daythan when JTstuck a note onmy back sayingKICK ME
. . . and kids followed me around all day aimingswipes at my bottom.
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I thought marketing was something you did at thesupermarket with Mum.
I thought a guru was some sort of deer.
A marketing guru?A MARKETING GURU?
What sort of job is that?
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Later, Gemma(my oldersister) told methat a guru is ateacher.
A kudu is a sort of deer. Easy mistake.Anyone could have made it.
And marketing means being good at selling stuff.
I get it now Dad teaches people how to sellstuff.
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Actually, I dont get it why does that mean Ihave to play CRICKET??
Yeah, right.
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Dads written a book calledPull Yourself Up by YourOwn Bootstraps!
Hes always quoting bits from it.Its incredibly ANNOYING.
Actually, I tried the you are what you believe thing.
I believed I was Michael Jackson.
Nope, didnt work.
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I believed that JT and I were best mates!!
Nope, that didnt work.
I believed I could fly!!!
Nope, that reallydidnt work.