distribution on the 1st & 3rd wednesday of each month take ...oct 03, 2018 · for advertising,...

October 3, 2018 Volume 13, Issue 2

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

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Just a WarningAs he was driving home from

work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist, informed that he had failed to come to a full stop at a stop sign, was handed a ticket.

"Don't I get a warning?" he protested.The officer replied, "Sure. Here's your warning:

If you don't come to a complete stop next time, I'll give you another ticket."

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FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

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Deflated EgoI'm a counselor who helps coordinate support

groups for visually- impaired adults. Many participantshave a condition known as macular degeneration,which makes it very difficult for them to distinguishfacial features. I had just been assigned to a newgroup and was introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be ableto see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you whocan't see me, I've been told that I look like a crossbetween Paul Newman and Robert Redford."Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THATblind!"

Defensive Driving CourseOne of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and

was attending a defensive-driving course to havepoints erased from his license. The instructor, a policeofficer, emphasized that being on time was crucial andthat the classroom doors would be locked when eachsession began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked onthe locked door. The officer opened it and asked,

"Why are you late?"The student replied, "I was trying not to get another

ticket." The officer let him in.@orangePeelgazetteKaneCo

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HOW TO STAY YOUNGHere is some good advice...1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includesage, weight and height. Let the doctor worry aboutthem. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pullyou down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until yougasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whetherit's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies,whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. Ifit is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, tothe next county, to a foreign country, but NOT towhere the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, atevery opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER...Life is not measured by the number of breaths wetake, but by the moments that take our breath away.

What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?

Transparents

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4

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Diets and DonutsA very devout man who was very over weight

decided to go on a diet. One of his main problemswith eating was that he would stop for donuts everymorning on the way to work. So to make things easierfor himself, he changed his route to work to avoid thetemptation of stopping. As the weeks went by hestarted losing a lot of weight and was receiving compliments from his friends and co-workers.

Then one morning without thinking, he accidentlyturned onto the road which would take him by thedonut shop. At first he was going to turn around butthen he thought to himself, "maybe the Lord isrewarding me for my efforts". So, he said a shortprayer telling the Lord that if this was His true intention let there be an open parking place directly infront of the shop.

And sure enough, on the fifth time around theblock there was an open spot right up front.

Did I Say That?Police in Los Angeles, California had good luck

with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control him-self during a lineup.

When detectives asked each man in the lineup torepeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'llshoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

Life is like riding a bicycle.To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

-Albert Einstein

Deer CrossingA crew of highway maintenance

workers was sent to repair some roadsigns that vandals had knockeddown in a forested area. The first onethey put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road torepair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted adeer running across the highway.

Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waitingto cross?"

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Dear Dogs and CatsThe dishes with the paw print belong to you and

contain your food. The rest of the dishes belong to me and contain my food. Please note, if you put a pawprint in the middle of my plate of food, that does notstake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find itaesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

NASCAR did not design the stairway. It is not aracetrack. Trying to beat me to the bottom is not theobject. Tripping me will not help you win because Iwill fall faster than you can run.

A king-sized bed is the largest that is made. I cannot get anything bigger. I am sorry about this. Donot expect me to continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats are capable of curling into a ballwhen they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular next to each other and stretched out tothe fullest extent possible. Sticking your tail outstraight and hanging your tongue out the other end tomaximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from thebathroom. If by some miracle I manage to beat youthere and get the door shut, it is not necessary towhine, meow, claw, try to turn to doorknob, or squeeze your paw under the door to try to pull it open.I have to exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for manyyears -- feline or canine attendance is not required.

New Perfume After years of using the same perfumes, I decided

to try something different and settled on a light, citrusyfragrance. The next day I was surprised when it wasmy little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared,"Wow, Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!"

Isn't It Good? Using a new painting program on my computer, I

managed to come up with a very credible still life offruit. I made a color printout and sent it to mydaughter, a graphic designer.

She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?" I asked. She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from

years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it onthe refrigerator."

Makes a Difference My wife was chatting with her brother, a business executive who

had retired last year. While discussing the joys of his new leisuretime, he remarked that he had been compelled to give up skiing, asport he had enjoyed for many years.

"Afraid of injuries?" my wife asked. "Now I am," her brother responded. "Before I could drag a cast

into work and still do my job, but now I'd be messing up my golfgame."

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Missing HusbandA wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to

report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6’4” tall, has dark eyes, dark wavyhair, an athletic build, weights about 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5’4”, chubby,bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to the kids.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”

Dealing with the Burdens of Life ~ Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

~ Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

~ Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. ~ If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

~ Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

~ Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ~ When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ~ Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. ~ Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. (too true!)

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Ticket Training JokeThree Southerners and three Easterners are

traveling by train to a conference. At the station, thethree Easterners each buy a train ticket and watch asthe three Southerners buy only a single ticket. "Howare three people going to travel on only one ticket?"asks a Yankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Southerners.

They all board the train. The Yankees take their respective seats but all three Southerners cram into arestroom and close the door behind them. Shortly afterthe train has departed, the conductor comes aroundcollecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket,please." The door opens just a crack and a single armemerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.The Easternerssee this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So afterthe conference, the Easterners decide to copy the Southerners on the return trip and save some money(being tight with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a singleticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, theSoutherners don't buy a ticket at all. "How are yougoing to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexedYankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Southerner.When they board the train, the three Yankees cram

into a restroom and the three Southerners cram into an-other one nearby.

The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the Southerners leaves his

restroom and walks over to the restroom where theEasterners are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,"Ticket, please..."

New House When the Jones family moved into their new house,

a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how heliked the new place.

"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and

Jamie has her own room. But poor Mom is still in with Dad."

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Dining MannersA teacher at school, wanting to point out proper behavior, was

trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might givebefore taking them to a nice restaurant.

"Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited."Don't be loud," said another, and so on. "And what rule do your

parents give you before you go out to eat?" the teacher inquired ofone little boy.

Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order somethingcheap."

The Wedding PresentI would like to thank you all for coming here today

to celebrate my daughter's marriage. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organized with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause)

There is a special thanks for Uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause)

The bride would like to ask Uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary.

Digging For WormsMy daughter-in-law, Alma, and grandson Eddy,

were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.

"No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said."He's not an earthworm.""He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What

planet is he from?"

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Cookie RulesIf you eat a cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no

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If you drink a diet soda after eating your secondcookie, it also has no calories because the diet sodacancels out the cookie calories (water has the sameproperties here).

If a friend comes over while you're making yourcookies and needs to sample, you must sample withyour friend. Because your friend's first cookie is caloriefree, rule #1 is yours also. It would be rude to letyour friend sample alone and, being the friend thatyou are, that makes your cookie calorie free, as well.

Any cookie calories consumed while walkingaround will fall to your feet and eventually fall off asyou move. This is due to gravity and the density of thecaloric mass.

Any calories consumed during the frosting ofcookies will be used up because it takes many caloriesto lick excess frosting from a knife without cuttingyour tongue.

Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.Red ones have three and green ones have five -one calorie for each letter. (Make more red ones!)Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34thStreet" have NO calories because they are part of theentertainment package and not part of one's personalfuel.

As always, cookie "pieces" contain no caloriesbecause the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.Any cookies consumed from someone else's platehave no calories since the calories rightfully belong tothe other person and will cling to their plate. (We allknow how calories like to CLING!)

Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed haveno calories because cookies used for medicinal pur-poses NEVER have calories. (It's a rule!)

Dentist BillA woman phoned her dentist when she received a

huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This isthree times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled soloud, you scared away two other patients."

$704,000 QuestionWho proposed by spelling out, “I Love You,”with his socks?A. Martin’s, Martin PayneB. The Mary Tyler Moore Show’s, Ted BaxterC. Cheers’, Woody Boyd$705,000 QuestionWhich of the following shows did NOT feature a ceremony in which multiple siblings got married at once?A. The Brady BridesB. DallasC. Eight Is Enough$706,000 QuestionWhich TV Character accidentally called his wife-to-be the wrong name during the wedding?A. Luke Spencer, General HospitalB. Dwayne Wayne, A Different WorldC. Ross Geller, Friends$707,000 QuestionAt which TV couple’s wedding did a dog & cat changebring the wedding cake crashing to the gorund?A. The Brady Bunch’s Mike and Carol BradyB. Mad about You’s Jamie and Paul BuckmanC. Roseanne’s Darlene Connor and David Healy$708,000 QuestionWho exchanged wedding vows over the phone?A. Happy Days’ Richie Cunningham and Lori BethB. Taxi’s Latka and SimkaC. Made about You’s Jamie and Paul Buckman$709,000 QuestionWhich of these daytime-show weddings ranks as themost-watched ever?A. Days of Our Lives’ Bo and HopeB. One Life to Live’s Max and GabrielleC. General Hospital’s Luke and Laura

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State/Zip: ___________________________________

Phone: _____________________________________

Email: ______________________________________

How Many Tickets: _________________________

Amount Enclosed ___________________________

Prize Winners need not be present to win. Winners assume all applicable license fees, state and federal taxes and required modifications. No one under the age of 18 may participate. Complete rules and regulations at: www.bataviarotarycharities.com

Please fill out this form and send along with check made out to:

ROTARY CLUB OF BATAVIAP.O. BOX 111 BATAVIA, IL 60510-0111

We will then send you your ticket.

Use credit cards at: www.BataviaRotaryCharities.com

Drawing Proceeds Benefit Local Charities, and Rotary International Programs

ANNUAL CORVETTE RAFFLETH

Purchase your tickets @ www.bataviarotarycharities.com

Winning Early Bird Tickets remain in drawing for Grand Prize.August 17th — September 17th — October 17th

GRAND PRIZE: 2019 CORVETTE COUPE 1LT OR $45,000 CASH! PLUS 10 ADDITIONAL PRIZES OF $500 CASH!

*Corvette pictured is for

advertising purposes only

and not the actual car.

ONLY 1,000 TICKETS SOLDTicket Price - $100.00

Donations will fund many worthwhile programs for local, national, and international service projects. We support programs to eradicate polio, fight hunger, provide clean water, promote literacy, and alleviate suffering worldwide.

DRAWINGS

3 EARLY BIRD DRAWINGS! WIN $500 CASH BY ENTERING NOW!

Grand PrizeDrawing: Saturday,

Nov. 17, 2018The WINE BAR @ K.Hollis

Jewelers - 6:00pm, 147 S. Randall Rd, Batavia, IL 60510

All are welcome. Complimentary snacks, cash bar.

815-756-9019 1-800-832-2489

BE PREPARED FOR THE SNOW

M.A.R.S., Inc.Starters - AlternatorsStarters - Alternators

GeneratorsGenerators

100% New Motorsfor Snow Plows & Salt Spreaders

We can increase voltage & amperage at low rpm

on most vehicles

do yoU WANT To SEE THEoorANgErANgE PPEELEEL ggAzETTEAzETTEAT yoUr FAVorITE rESTAUrANT? ASK THE MANAgEr To gIVE US A CALL

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Dangling Participles(Culled from newspapers)

- The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10",with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

- The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow atthe residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

- Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting withher husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

- Organ donations from the living reached a recordhigh last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

- The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

- We spent most of our time sitting on the back porchwatching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ ~ ~ ~"Laugh 'til your nose runs. That's snot funny."

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CURTISToWINg INC.

WE PAY CASH

ON THE SPOT!

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WE BUY JUNK CARS WE BUY JUNK CARS FOR CASHFOR CASH

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Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer zack • 630-229-2001

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Area 51You've heard of the Air Force's ultra-highsecurity,

super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out atArea 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their"secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas,got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about torun out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI back-ground check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced thatthe pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassedup his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending therest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-wayon such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force,the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, theMP's surrounded the plane...only this time there weretwo people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anythingyou want to me, but my wife is in the plane and youhave to tell her where I was last night!"

The Driving TestA professional juggler, driving to his next

performance, is stopped by the police."What are you doing with these matches and

lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer."I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my

act.""Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.So the juggler gets out and starts juggling

the blazing torches masterfully.A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow,"

says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking.Look at the test they're giving now!"

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Angvick Antique Motors

PO Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109

(847)287-4413 oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]

Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BUY • SELL • RESTORE • REPAIR

AAMMEERRIICCAANNSSEEPP TTII CC SSEERRVVII [email protected]

Aerobic Treatment Plant Services Multi-Flo • Nayadic • Hydro-Action • Clearstream

Annual Aerobic Treatment Service Contracts

CoMPLETE SEPTIC SErVICESPUMPINg • rEPAIrS • INSTALLATIoNS

• Accurate Payroll Processing• Low Monthly Fee• Fee Includes Direct Deposit and all Tax Filings

We make accounting EASY!We make accounting EASY!Call Today (630) 801-7777

2-MONTHS FREEPAYROLL PROCESSING

with this ad

Bob Kovanic • 1999 W Downer Place, Ste 102 • Aurora, IL 60506Email: [email protected] • (630)801-7777

QuickBooksQuickBooksnot so quick?not so quick?

• Spending more than an hour per month doing your books?

•Would you rather spend your time making money?

TRUCK & TRAILER REPAIR● Vehicle Maintenance● Vehicle Repair● On-site Service● Emergency Road Service

1250 Route 34Oswego, IL 60543 Email: [email protected]

(630)851-22221250 route 34oswego, IL 60543www.rWS-Express.com Email: [email protected]

(630)851-2222

Octogenarian Golfer An Octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local

Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but wastold everyone scheduled to play was already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he would play with himand would give him a 12 stroke handicap.

The 80 year old said, "I really don't need a handicap. The only realproblem I have is getting out of sand traps."

They both played well. Coming into the par three 18th they wereeven. The pro had a nice drive to mid-fairway and would be able to get on the green with the next stroke and then putt for a par with thefollowing play.

The old man hit a long drive, and the ball landed in one of the twosand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap on his secondstroke, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled rightinto the hole!

The Assistant Pro was stunned. "Nice shot, but I thought you saidyou have a problem getting out of sand traps."

"I do, replied the octogenarian. "Give me a hand."

Three SistersThree elderly sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, shared a

house together. One evening, the 96 year old sisterwent upstairs to take a bath.

As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Thenshe yelled down to the other two sisters and asked,"Was I getting in the tub or out?"

"You dern fool," said the 94 year old. "I'll come upand see." When she got half way up the stairs shepaused. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old sister was sitting at the kitchentable drinking a cup of tea and thought, "I hope I neverget that forgetful, knock on wood." She shook herhead and called out, "I'll be up to help you both assoon as I see who's at the door."

Card BuddiesTwo elderly ladies had been friends since their 30s.

Now in their 80s, they still got together a couple oftimes a week to play cards. One day they were playinggin rummy and one of them said, "You know, we’vebeen friends for many years and, please don't get mad,but for the life of me, I can't remember your name.Please tell me what itis."

Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare andstare at her for at least three minutes. Finally, she said,"How soon do you need to know?"

I could tell there was a hint of autumn in the air

when my son's football smashed me in the face.

OPG 10-3-18_Layout 1 9/26/2018 10:11 AM


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a

carfax report and many arepriced in the

$3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends

in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543

630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWI

Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, & older firearms.

630-215-3664

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers

(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc

Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs,

Upholstery, RV’sResidential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANING

HANDYMAN

GARAGE DOORSEGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)

Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken &Duck Egg Farm: Self Service

6S260 Hankes RdAurora (630)907-0775

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

ASPHALTDRIVEWAY REPAIR

INSTALL & PATCHINGASPHALT SEAL

COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC

Hand Applied Se Habla Español

Office: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102


60,000 sq ft sprinkleredcommercial/industrial

building. Open, high ceilingspace, divisible to 5,000 sqft. Lots of secure, off streetparking. Up to 7 loadingdocks available. $4-$4.50net per sq ft per year.

Aurora. 1 miles from I-88. Call Dan at 630-965-7383

FOR RENT

Frank’s Tree ServiceGroundsmen; Drivers Licenglish speaking $12-$15Elgin 847-931-9663

HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com

(630) 360-3039

HELP WANTED

HOME TYPISTS NEEDEDTyping court transcripts from recorded audio. Must have good typing and listening skills.

35 pgs./day min., paid/pageMSWord/WP, no data entry

SEND RESUME TO:LeGrand Court ReportingFax: (630) [email protected]

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-6002$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance

Travel Industry/Spare TimeCall for Interview

No Experience/We TrainWork Home: 630 766 8231

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

HOUSE CLEANING

Veronica & Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services

630-506-2895630-935-5287

Chapel Hills Garden5 Cemetery Lots For Sale

Elmhurst, IL630-761-4573

CEMETERY LOTS

Fully Furnished Chiropracticoffice & Beauty Salon spaceavailable in Sugar Grove.

Ready to move in! Call 630-466-7414

INVESTING

BORING LIFE???Do you want to make yourlife more interesting?Learn to invest in Real

Estate and have the freedomand time you Deserve!Text “interesting” to:

630-675-7102 along withyour name and e-mail.

OPG 10-3-18_Layout 1 9/26/2018 10:11 AM



Wanted to buy junk -Cars, Trucks, Farm

Equipment/MachinerySemi-Trucks Trailers

Free Pick UpCASH ON SPOT!

(847)456-0974

WANTEDRON’S QUALITY PAINTING

Interior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets

Double French Horns, Saxophones (847)951-7098

Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Tile

Pavers Retaining Walls 847-833-3384

MASONRY

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

PAINTING

Plan your Fall getawayPersonal attention and detail to your escape. (815)970-7456 or

[email protected]

TRAVEL

TREE SERVICE

OFFICE SERVICES

Superb Office Services• Computer Classes• Quick Computer Repairs• Desktop Publishing/Flyers• Print Restaurant Menus• Church Booklets Printing• Custom T Shirt Printing/Design for any OccasionElgin (847) 741-1007

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)859-7716

WINDOW CLEANING

TREE SERVICES &BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,

Stump Grinding, Chipping,Haul Away

Call the office or text my cell for estimate

Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)

Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

REMODELING

Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified Arborist

Joe (224) 789 - 8773Northern Kane & Dupage Co

www.ArborJoe.com

TREE SERVICE

STEVE’S TREE & STUMP REMOVAL

630-943-6350

LAWN CARE

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulchingfertilizing & weed control,

pruning, plantingresidential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502

TOWNHOUSE / CONDO3 BRs, office, 2 car garage495 E. Willow, Elburn

$162,900: Classic Properties Call Fred Bernacchi (312) 671-0862

REAL ESTATE

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and

jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.

Next Issue Ad deadlineoctober 17 october 5

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286

SELL ME YOURSBuying antique & vintage

items. Must be small & light:photos, letters, brochures,magazines, advertising,

cards, sewing, kitchen, etc.Mary 630-404-8510

Driving SkillsA woman in her 80s was driving with a friend.

She went through a red light. The friend didn't sayanything. But then she went through another one. Thefriend said, "Do you realize you just went through twored lights?"

“Oh," she said, "was I driving?"

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium Moves

TVs, Dressers, Beds, CouchesReasonable Rates

630-918-5554 Big Ken

MOVING

Sleeping RoomQuiet, Clean

Refrigerator accessOswego 630-415-8207

ROOM FOR RENT

OPG 10-3-18_Layout 1 9/26/2018 10:11 AM


LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON OCTOBER 17, 2018

AcceptingE SCRAP

• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan • Aurora

M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30

STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES

TOP CASH PAID

forFerrous &

non-Ferrous Metals

Ecology Tech Inc

630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com

1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan

Since 1988

Expires 10/31/18

Expires 10/31/18 Expires 10/31/18

630-262-8484

1375 Paramount Parkway | Batavia, IL [email protected]

630-517-5580www.ride-right.net/careers

Now Hiring Paratransit Drivers

CDL Training Available Immediate Openings

Looking for extra cash just in time for the Holidays?

1375 Paramount Parkway • Batavia, IL [email protected]

Now Hiring Paratransit Drivers

CDL Training Available • Immediate Openings

630-517-5580www.ride-right.net/careers

Join Batavia Paratransit team as we have professional driver positions available with a $1500 sign on Bonus.

Take A RestAn eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing

nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and

rested.All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the

rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,

you must be sitting very, very high up.

Do You Know the Answers?What should you do if you see a spaceman?

You should park, man

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming

Especially when you go for seconds

What's the difference between a poorly dressed manon a unicycle and a welldressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

OPG 10-3-18_Layout 1 9/26/2018 10:11 AM

distribution on the 1st & 3rd wednesday of each month take ...oct 03, 2018 · for advertising,...

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