Do you know if people like you or not? BY SOULAIMA GOURANI ON MAY 24, 2012

Do you know if you are someone people warn others about or someone they recommend to others?

You meet people that you either know or do not know every day. You are networking all the time even if

you are not aware of it.

Many people apply a commercial- or transaction-oriented focus when they are networking. You can

compare networking styles to both fast food and slow food. Fast food is like fast networking, which

“satisfies the appetite,” but only for a short time. Relatively quickly, you then have to go out and find

new relationships so you can “eat your fill” again. When you network at a high speed, the people with

whom you have built relationships rarely get back to you after having met you, and if they do, they will

most likely not recommend you to other people.

Why you should consider slow networking?

If you network as if you were eating slow food, you choose to focus on quality and the complete

experience of developing the relationship—not just the “consumption.” Networking at a slow pace

enables you to take your time to get to know the person so that you can treat him/her individually in

accordance with his/hers needs and expectations. Keep in mind that it takes time to build a solid

network and a strong relationship with another human being. Therefore, it is important to be patient. Do

not ask for too much help and advice until you feel that the relationship is solid. It is okay to be on your

toes, but be careful that people in your network do not feel that you are putting too much pressure on

them. There is a thin line between networking and stalking, and you don’t want to be branded as a

stalker. People call and leave messages or spam via e-mail and text messages. It is good to show

persistence, but this should be done with much thought. You should always consider whether you are

coming on too strong. Think about each individual person. Listen carefully to what this person is saying.

People are commonly polite, but it is not necessarily always the case that such politeness is an

invitation for further dialogue. Whether face-to-face or in writing, read between the lines to find out if the

person in question really wants to network with you.

I personally benefit from these rules of thumb:

Do you receive a relatively quick response after contacting them? If yes, then at least they are

in a dialogue with you.

If you request a meeting, does the person reply quickly (within two days) with a positive

response, which includes a suggestion for a date and time to meet?

Do they keep appointments with you and respond to your follow-up e-mail, and do you agree

on the next step?

Are both of you eager to gain something from the relationship? Is there an exchange of

questions and answers? Do you have good chemistry and flow in your dialogue?

If the person is interested in a relationship, it is my experience that he/she will ask about my

interests and needs.

A “no” is not necessarily a rejection to an invitation. It is just bad timing if the person says “no.” I

simply reconsider my tactics and work on how I can receive a “yes” the next time.

Does your network connection generally keep meetings or other appointments, and if they

have to cancel, do they always suggest another date? If the person cancels two to three times,

it may be because of pressure from work. But often, the real reason is low priority and a lack of

interest to meet with you. If a meeting is cancelled without a suggestion for a new date, then it

is most likely a sign of an uphill battle. That should motivate you to become an even more

interesting person with whom to meet. If you have left three or more messages without a reply,

then you should stop. The person is not interested in further contact with you.

Are your relationships loyal?

It is important to build strong, loyal relationships—not necessarily with many people, but with the right

people. When a person in your network is loyal, they probably will be willing to act as your ambassador

and as your eyes and ears in the field. Are your most important network connections your

ambassadors?

You know you have a loyal relationship if the person in question forgives you for minor mistakes,

recommends you to others, takes the time to give you feedback, and complains when you have done

something wrong.