Screenplay

EXT. FIELD - DAY

CLOSE on a plug buried in the ground. We travel up along its

length to reveal a TV perched on a small table, at which are

seated PÁIDÍ and MICHEÁL, two rural guards in their 30s. A

rudely-scrawled signpost identifies the table as

BALLYGONZALEZ GARDA STATION. Close on a parcel tied up with

a bow. Micheál drums his fingers on it, and we pull up for a

deep two-shot with Páidí in the background.

PÁIDÍ

D’you ever despair, Micheál?

MICHEÁL

Ah sure - what’s the point?

PÁIDÍ

What’s that?

MICHEÁL

It came in the post today. Big oul’

dirty green stamp on it.

PÁIDÍ

Will y’open it for Jaysus sake!

MICHEÁL

I will not. It might be a bomb.

PÁIDÍ

Sure who’d be bombin’ us, and we a

couple of ham-atin’ gobshites?

Micheál doesn’t budge. Páidí goes back to staring at the TV.

A moment passes.

MICHEÁL

(suddenly animated)

D’ye know, I hope it is a bomb. A

bomb would be the very thing.

He tears open the packaging, and reveals a crude homemade

doll.

PÁIDÍ

What in the name of God is that?

MICHEÁL

It’s a Dracula.

PÁIDÍ

Who’d be sendin’ you -

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

MICHEÁL

I sent it to meself, Páidí! I sent

it to meself.