don’t lie to me

Don’t Lie to MeWalk and Talk with Me

What Is a Lie?

A lie is:

1. A false statement deliberately presented as

being true; a falsehood.

2. Something meant to deceive or give a

wrong impression.

Note the emphasis on the person’s intent.

Types of Lies

• “Protective” lies: Telling children that the stork brought them because you don’t think they’re old enough to talk about sex, or reassuring your relative that he/she is not really terminally ill

• White lies: Lies that do no harm, and may do good, such as complimenting your hostess’ meal even if you didn’t enjoy it much (social tact)

• Lying by omission: Failing to reveal one’s belief in order to deceive.

• Bluffing: Usually considered more of a tactic than a lie, as it occurs in the well-understood context of a game.

More Types of Lies….

• Jest: When we use sarcasm or tell tall tales, we assume others understand we are deliberately not telling the truth.

• Careful Speaking: Avoiding the telling of an outright lie with carefully chosen words; a half-answer that is accurate but does not fully answer a question.

“Catching” a Liar

Liars will look different ONLY when the following two conditions are fully met:

1. The person is deliberately and knowingly telling a lie.

2. The person thinks lying is wrong.

Reconstructive Memory

• When we retrieve information from memory to use it, the data are at risk for change. The person retrieving changed, inaccurate information will believe that he/she is telling the truth.

When People Don’t Care….

• People who do not believe that lying is wrong will show few, if any, detectable signs of arousal.

• Psychopaths, criminal or not, are incapable of empathy or guilt. Therefore, they do not perceive that harming others is a problem, and will be effective liars.

Signs That a Person Is Lying

Detecting lies in people you know is FAR easier than detecting lies in a stranger. When dealing with strangers, use baseline questions that nobody would lie about to establish “normal” behavior.

Assuming a person is deliberately lying AND recognizes lying as negative, you may observe some/all of the following:

1. Reduced articulation2. Facial and body responses that do not “match”3. Facial and body responses that pass quickly are

are replaced by more “conscious” responses

More Signs of Lying

4. Reduced upper body movement5. Increased lower body movement6. Nervous smiling or laughter that is inappropriate

given the topic under discussion (smiling is a submissive signal—I’m okay, don’t hurt me)

7. Eye contact (works in the generic American culture, but few others)

8. Timing: Emotions are spontaneous, instantaneous reactions to our environment. Any delay in reaction should be suspect.

Do We Have the Duty Not to Deceive?• Some people argue that the obligation not to lie is

derived from a more general obligation of not deceiving someone.

• A person deceives someone when the person makes an intentional attempt to lead him or her to have a belief, which the person believes to be false. One can deceive someone with or without asserting something. (This is the difference from lying as we define.)

• Ex. some advertisements are deceiving in that they give deliberately selected data or picture their products under a favorable light, which will mislead most ordinary people to draw false conclusions about those products.– The advertisers are deceiving, but they are not lying

because they do not assert the false conclusions.

Lie vs. ‘Mere’ Deception• Remember that the intention to mislead is

associated with both lying and deception, and

they often have similar consequences.

• Remember also that deception and lying usually

have similar consequences. People tend to think

that lying is always more reprehensible than

‘mere’ deceiving. But is this true? If so, why?

The Truth About Lying

"fake positive" lies-those in which people pretend to like someone or something more than they actually do ("Your muffins are the best ever") -are about 10 to 20 times more common than…

"false negative" lies-in which people pretend to like someone or something less ("That two-faced rat will never get my vote").

The Truth About Lying Eyes

Up and to the Left Visually Constructed Images (Vc)If you asked someone to "Imagine a purple snake," this would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they "Visually Constructed" a purple snake in their mind.

Up and to the Right Visually Remembered Images (Vr)If you asked someone "What color was the first house you lived in?," this would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they "Visually Remembered" the color of their childhood home.


To the Left Auditory Constructed (Ac)If you asked someone to "Try to create the sound of supernova in your head," this would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Constructed" this sound that they have never heard.

To the Right Auditory Remembered (Ar)If you asked someone to "Remember what their favorite song sounds like,“ this would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Remembered " this sound.


Down and to the Left Feeling / Kinesthetic (F)If you asked someone to "Can you remember the smell of a campfire? " This would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they used Feeling / Kinesthetic to recall a smell, feeling or taste.

Down and To the Right Internal Dialog (Ai)This is the direction of someone eyes as they "talk to themselves."

The Truth About Lying Detection

Body Language:•Physical expression limited/stiff•Few arm/hand movements •Hand, arm/leg movement toward their own body •Liars takes up less space•Avoid eye contact•Hands touching their face, throat & mouth •Touches or scratches the nose or behind their ear

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

•Timing/duration of emotional gestures/emotions off normal pace.

•Display of emotion delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops

suddenly.

•Timing off between emotions gestures/expressions and words.

•e.g. Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then

smile after making that statement, rather then at the same

time the statement is made.

•Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement,

•e.g. frowning when saying “I love you.”

•Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking

emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face.

•e.g. when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved:

jaw/cheek movement, eyes, forehead push down, etc.


Interactions and Reactions •Guilty = defensive. •Innocent = offensive.•GO AWAY!

•Liar uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

•THE WALL:•Liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.


Multicultural Messages• While practiced everywhere, body language is not a universal

language.

• Some signs of greetings are handshakes, bows, touching, kissing, and other less known forms.

• Handshakes

• Psychologists regard the handshake as one of the most powerful ways of indicating trust or acceptance.

• A firm handshake will usually make the best impression.

• Loose, fishy handshakes are not good, nor are “Texas” handshakes that crush the fingers of the other person.

• The French are “hand-shakers.”

• Don’t pump your arm up and down- just apply even pressure with your whole hand before release.

Walking

• Kinesics is the study of body movements.

• Some have called the way we walk a “second signature.”

• People tend to like people who have a bounce to their walk, swing their arms, and take long, strong strides.

• When people are sad, people tend to take slower steps and drag their feet.

• When people are happy, they move more quickly and light on their feet.

• A choppy walk conveys unfriendliness or frustration.

• A duck walk conveys an independent and impulsive nature.

• A swagger conveys self-confidence and arrogance.

Nonverbal Messages in Conversations

• Conversations are those small talks you have with other people.

• Conversation does not come naturally to most people.

• Conversations follow unspoken rules.

• Good conversations can begin with something practical and trite like “How’s the weather?”

• Timing refers to the ability to sense when it is appropriate to begin a conversation.

• If a person who has been addressed wants a conversation, his reply must not be too brief or unenthusiastic.

• Striking up a conversation is easiest when it becomes clear that both of you have something in common.

Helping a Conversation Continue

• Being a good listener helps a conversation continue.

• Having an “open” posture, feedback, and good eye contact also keeps a conversation going.

• Listeners usually look at people who touch their feelings.

• It is easy to disguise what your eyes reveal.

• People who give feedback to speakers are more popular.

• Nodding and gesturing are two ways to provide feedback.

• Long nods disturb a speaker; short nods encourage a speaker.

• The nervous laugh is a good example of inconsistent communication.

Taking Turns in a Conversation

• The surest way to take your turn at the right time in a conversation is to listen for pauses.

• We usually have a sixth sense about when a speaker is pausing in midstream and when she wishes to turn the conversation over to another person.

• Simple interruptions occur when someone begins to speak before the other person has finished.

• Overlapping interruptions occur when one person tries to interrupt, but the first person continues talking.

• Silent interruptions occur when someone takes advantage of a pause.

Taking Turns in a Conversation

• The best way to keep people from interrupting is to use authoritative body language, don’t give any unintentional signals that you’re finished, and don’t pause too long.

• The best way to keep a person listening is to be interesting.

• You can be interesting by being informed on current events, pay attention to the other person’s interests, strive to know a little about everything, and just don’t be boring.

• Perhaps the most important quality of a good conversationalist is the ability to be interesting.

don’t lie to me

Presentations & Public Speaking