Download - A Polyamory Primer
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Polyamory Primer
A guide
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At the end of the 20th century, an old practice acquired a new theory.
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The theory explained that it was possible to maintain what were called open relationships,
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if you could get everyone involved to agree on certain conditions of public information.
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In other words, you could sleep around and not have your bf/gf/husband/wife leave you . . .
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. . . as long as they were never exposed to the details of your other affairs.
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What this meant was the restriction of information.
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Contrary to a popular slogan of the time, information did not want to be free.
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But by imprisoning information, you could be free.
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You both agreed to be non-exclusive, promising that the other would not know when, where, how,
and with whom.
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No hints.
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No confessions.
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No clues.
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No detective work, either.
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What was secret must stay secret. That was the whole of the law.
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If both partners accepted this, then they were free to kiss.
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But not to tell.
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The most serious betrayal was raw information.
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Text became privileged space, dense with meaning and implicated currents of
desire and impact. Intercourse and the physical plane devolved to the merely
symbolic.
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Social identities crept inward, byzantine architectures constructed with meticulous
precision; levels of fact, innuendo, discourse and negotiation buried and nested and
folded into an onionskin of selves ever more dense and self-referential.
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New truths were announced:
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“Identity is plural.”
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“Communication is fiction.”
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“Relation is artifice.”
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But when was this ever not the case?
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And so secrecy became the new honesty.
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And the real was exposed as threaded with necessary subjectivity and Heisenbergian
mutations.
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A great theory!
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Maybe.
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But in practice . . .
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(as you might imagine)
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. . . it never quite worked out that way.
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Because although identities are constructed . . .
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and although the real is not separable from the subjective . . .
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and although we do create meaning through narrative, with the structural implications of
discourse and text . . .
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. . . our actions define us too.
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Whether or not we’re good at the spin.
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All stories are built upon actions. Every act creates a meaning. And acts, like Derridian speech, are things that cannot be erased,
taken back, untraced.
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They do not leave us unscathed.
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In the end, the information gets free.
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And it’s not the information, but the act,
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that makes the impact,
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that creates the meaning,
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that constructs the real.
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That breaks the heart.
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Or rather, it is the information.
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But it’s also the act.
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There’s no escape from one into the other.
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One is the Other.
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In summary, let’s review:
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The theory states,
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It’s not what you do . . .
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. . . it’s how you say it.
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“In Search of Adele H,” a Twitter movie, https://twitter.com/adelehugo