Communication
Builders and Barriers
Barriers
A material, object or set of objects that separates, demarcates, (to set separate),or serves as a barricade.
Something immaterial that impedes or separates. Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary
Barriers
Assuming Rescuing/Explaining Directing Expecting Adultisms
ASSUMING
Thinking you know what other people think, what they will do and how they will respond.
RESCUING/EXPLAINING
Stepping in to explain what happened rather than asking the kind of questions that will help a person discover what happened.
Or, rescuing a person so he/she does not have to experience the consequence or learn from the consequence.
Effects of Rescuing Behavior
Rescuing: "Don't cry, honey. I'll fix it for you." If we rush in and save our children, we are telling them they are incapable of taking care of their lives.
Effects of Explaining
Explaining what happened and how to fix it, instead of helping children examine and analyze their own problems, is neglecting an opportunity to foster the perceptions that children are capable.
Outcome that we want
By allowing them to take the consequences of their actions, we are telling them they are capable of handling both the behavior and the consequences.
DIRECTING
Giving instruction on each step to make sure it’s done MY way (the right way).
Attitude of controlling another…. (Pick that up, hand it to me, etc. )
Power over another
Effect of Directing
Directing children through each step instead of exploring how a task can be accomplished sends the message that children are incapable of doing the task on their own without specific directions.
Reduces child’s natural inclination to trust their instincts and try to solve problems on their own.
EXPECTING
The art of setting high standards and then pointing out the person’s failure to reach those standards.
Effects of Expecting
We should have high standards but be careful of making the standard by which we judge the children by.
ADULTISMS
Adultism-ing is a process in relationships of requiring people to read our minds and to think as we do.
How come you never…? Why can’t you ever….? Surely you realize! How many times do I have to tell you ?
Effects of Adultism
Children feel personally attacked by adultisms, because this type of remark implies, "Well, I should have known you weren't big enough to ride by yourself yet." In short, by attacking the person and failing to point to the problem, adults make children feel worthless and incapable.
Builders
To construct or develop as an integral part of something.
To develop gradually by increments To promote the esteem of To accumulate or develop appreciably
Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary
Builders
Checking Exploring Encouraging/Inviting Celebrating Respecting
CHECKING
Asking other people what they think, what they plan to do: or trying to understand why they chose to respond the way they did.
EXPLORING
Asking the “What?” “Why?” and “How?” questions to help a person become aware of his/her own perceptions and the consequences of his/her choices.
This helps put the responsibility of the action on the person.
Do not make it an inquisition.
ENCOURAGING/INVITING
Seeing people as assets rather than objects or recipients. Allowing for mistakes and different ways of doing things.
Encourages involvement
CELEBRATING
Recognizing progress and encouraging any step in that direction.
Look for what is gained. Be honest.
RESPECT
Being willing to “get into the world” of another person.
The language of respect is “What is your understanding of_______?” “Let me be sure that I understand what you think or feel”
Be honest and not condescending.