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Honoring Greatness: Honoring Greatness: Building the Inner Wealth in our Building the Inner Wealth in our
ChildrenChildren
Honoring Greatness: Honoring Greatness: Building the Inner Wealth in our Building the Inner Wealth in our
ChildrenChildren
An Overview of the Nurtured Heart An Overview of the Nurtured Heart ApproachApproach
www.nurturedheart.netwww.nurturedheart.net
Tammy Small, M.Ed.Tammy Small, M.Ed.
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“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different
results.”
- Albert Einstein
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Where do we begin?NHA as a model of RELATIONSHIP
The real PARADIGM SHIFT begins in how we look,
respond to - and nurture kids each other, and
OURSELVES!
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Your intention: Be Great…Recognize Greatness.
Name 3 of your greatest strengths you bring in parenting
or working with children.
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On your 3 x 5 cardA. Name one quality about yourself that a
friend would share.
B. Name one GREAT quality about yourself which you wish more people would recognize
C. Name a child/student/friend whom you think struggles with other peers or adults on a regular basis (first name only).
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The Nurtured Heart Approach
• A Paradigm Shift
• Three Clear Intentions
• 3-legged Model– Pursue the Positive– No Negativity Leaks– Strictness
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The Paradigm Shift
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this paradigm shift begins with identifying that our relationships have had
The Nurtured Heart Approach recognizes that…
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The Nurtured Heart Approach
• Creating a world where all our energy goes toward their successful choices.
• “It is not a question of whether you can or can’t… you ARE!”
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The Nurtured Heart Approach
• Creating a world where all our energy goes toward their successful choices.
• “It is not a question of whether you can or can’t… you ARE!”
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Toys R’ UsWe are by far our student’s most interesting “toy”. We have, by far,
more features. We are the ultimate entertainment centers.
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Toys R’ UsGiven traditional ways of parenting and teaching, it is remarkably easy for a child,
especially an intense child, to form an impression that this “Toy” is much more
animated, interesting, and alive in relation to their unacceptable behaviors.
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Three Clear Intentions
With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a clear path to:
1. Help kids feel GREAT about who they are.
2. CREATE SUCCESSES that would not otherwise exist. (Shamu)
3. Become adept at IDENTIFYING WHAT IS RIGHT with the picture (Toll Taker).
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Our Primary Intention…
With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a clear path to:
Help kids feel GREAT about who they are.
Small group activity:
Share your answers from A and B off of your card – particularly be brave and share one of your qualities you wish others recognized more!
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Review Card Question Activity
A. Name one quality about yourself that a friend would share.
B. Name one quality about yourself which you wish more people would recognize.
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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually,
who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine…It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. We are liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others.”
-Marianne Williamson
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Our Secondary Intention…
With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a clear path to:
CREATE SUCCESSES that would not otherwise exist. (Glasser’s Shamu Story)
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Shamu Lowering the
Rope.
Creating successes that would not otherwise exist.
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Our Final Intention…
With our attitudes, responses and perceptions make a clear path to:
Become adept at IDENTIFYING WHAT IS RIGHT with the picture. (Glasser’s Toll Booth Man).
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The Toll Booth Man
It’s all how you choose to see things.
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Even Santa can use the wrong lens…
•
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NHA Ultimate Stand...REPEAT AFTER ME…REPEAT AFTER ME…
““There is Always There is Always Something Going Something Going
Right.”Right.”NOW…NOW…
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DON’T BE SCARED DON’T BE SCARED TO NAME IT!TO NAME IT!
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ACTIVITY: Now see if you can come up with some
ways of naming what could be going right when…
1. Your child does the dishes as asked (in the sink) but many remain on stove/counter
OR
2. Your child has been sent to the office for a discipline referral (hitting)
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The 3-Legged Stool
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Pursue the Positive• Find example after example of
moments where your children/students are coping well, making good decisions, regaining self-control, and showing great character.
• These examples are reflected back to the child giving them an ever-growing body of evidence that they are valuable, competent, and beling in a positive life.
• Hold up the mirror!
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“There is NOTHING you can say or do that will dissuade me from believing in your ability to
be successful.”
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Pursue the Positive
The myth of “over-indulgence”…
RECOGNITION V.S.
PRAISE…
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The Myth of Overindulgence: An NHA Story
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No Negativity Leaks• By not giving
problems and poor choices a lot of your relationship time, attention and energy, you teach your children 4 critical things…
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No Negativity Leaking… 1. Everybody has problems. 2. They do not have to have
problems in order to achieve relationships with adults.
3. Their positIve behavior will lead to relational success.
4. Their problems do not defeat your or upset you.
PROBLEMS BECOME UNNECESSARY AS A WAY TO GAIN RELATIONSHIP.
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Common Leaks
Most adults or leaders working with youth are unaware of the ways in which they ‘leak’ negative energy to their children/students. (refer to your hand out for examples of these Common Leaks!)
Positive Junk Food
Big Ol’ Buts
Comparison Shopping
Subtle – or not so subtle – Threats or Warnings
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“Kids are not stupid. They are just short.”
- Jack Prelutsky
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The third leg: Strictness• There is no need for
reminders, fussing, lectures, warnings, investigations, or exceptions. The rules are the rules and are enforced 24/7.
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Strict but Calm• Calmly and strictly enforce
the rules. • NO exceptions.“Darn it!
Broke a rule.”• The ‘game’ is easy to learn
and succeed at because the rules are clear.
• The consequence is a time out that is kept short as a way of purposefully leading to further success.
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Some wordless examples to set rules for non-readers
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And this rule is…..
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And this rule is…
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And of course, this rule is…
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And my all time favorite, but “oh-so-important” rule…
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Always be in the Truth of the Moment
• Like a lens of a camera, filming the the truth in this moment, then this one, then this one.
• After the time out is over and the problem is no longer happening, create new ways to applaud the child’s current choices as demonstrations of success.
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Unfortunately, starting with the Stand On Rules and Consequences can actually
make things worse....
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Relentless Pursuit of the Positive
• What IS happening that can be held up as success?
• What ISN’T happening that can be held up as success?
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Consider what it looks like in relationship – to NOT focus on the
problem?
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Learning to recognize that they are ALREADY SHOWING
Leadership Qualities!
BRAINSTORM ACTIVITY…
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What are the skills ALREADY BEING SHOWN when your child …
1. TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR AN ACTION
2. GETS UP FOR SCHOOL
3. ACCEPTS A RESET OR TIME OUT
4. WAITS IN THE CAR
5. IS READY TO GO WHEN IT IS TIME
6. HANDLES “NOT NOW” OR “LATER”
7. REMEMBERS TO BRING SOMETHING HOME
8. COMPLETES HOMEWORK
9. TRANSITIONS BETWEEN TASKS
10. PICKS UP AFTER THEMSELVES
11. WAITS THEIR TURN
12. FOLLOWS A REQUEST THE FIRST TIME
13. ACCEPTS DIRECTION/SUGGESTION
14. PARTICIPATES IN A TEAM SPORT
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Recognizing Your Own Recognizing Your Own GreatnessGreatness
Recognizing Your Own Recognizing Your Own GreatnessGreatness
Forgive. Live forward. Be relentlessly Forgive. Live forward. Be relentlessly the best version of yourself.the best version of yourself.
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Questions and Follow-upQuestions and Follow-up
Questions and Follow-upQuestions and Follow-up
www.nurturedheart.netwww.nurturedheart.net
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Questions and Follow-up
More information Links to additional
resources Inspirational articles
and stories Contact information
For follow-up see
http://www.NurturedHeart.net
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References
• Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glasser & Jennifer Easley (c. 2003)
• The Inner Wealth Initiative: The Nurtured Heart Approach for Educators, by Tom Grove and Howard Glasser, (c.2007)
• Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to the Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser, Joann Bowdidge, Lisa Bravo, (c. 2008)
• All Children Flourishing: Igniting the Greatness of Our Children The Nurtured Heart Approach – a Parenting Paradigm for the New Millennium by Howard Glasser (c. 2008)
• Transforming the Difficult Child: True Stories of Triumph Edited by Jennifer Easley and Howard Glasser (Tammy Small’s story appears on 57-59)
• There is Always Something Going Right: Workbook for Implementing the Nurtured Heart Approach in School Settings, Tammy Small and Louisa Triandis (2010)