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Living with a Chronic Illness: Courage in the Face of Vulnerability
Ivana Mitchell, MSW, RSW, RP, CDWF September 16, 2017
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About Me O Diagnosed with PV in 2016 O Registered Social Worker and
Registered Psychotherapist O Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator O Retired professional dancer and
passionate knitter/crocheter O Super excited to be here! J
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Adapted from Brené Brown’s The Daring Way™ Workshop
Dr. Brené Brown O Fellow social worker and research
professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work
O Spent the past fifteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame
O Has three #1 NY Times Bestseller Books O 2010 TED Talk “Power of Vulnerability”
rated one of the top five TED talks of all time
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Vulnerability + Chronic Illness
O As a person with PV/PF or a caregiver to a loved one with PV/PF, a time I experienced vulnerability was …
O Vulnerability feels like …
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Courage is ... Vulnerability
is… - Uncertainty - Risk - Emotional Exposure
Essential for
Connection
Invitation to practice our courage
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Exposing Vulnerability Myths Myth Vulnerability is weakness I can opt out of vulnerability Vulnerability is oversharing I can go it alone
Truth Most accurate measure of courage To be alive is to be in vulnerability 24/7
Sharing with intention to connect (time, trust, boundaries, intimacy)
We are hard wired for connection and need help from others
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Vulnerability and Chronic Illness
Having a chronic illness… O Imposes unwanted vulnerability into our lives.. It is
not something we chose for ourselves O Launches us into lifelong health uncertainty that
shows up pre-diagnosis, during treatment, and throughout remission
O Can be experienced as traumatic. Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There’s a reclaiming that has to happen
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Common ways we armour up against
vulnerability
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Perfectionism A self-destructive and addictive belief that says: “If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame” O Focus is on controlling
perception – “what will people think?”
O i.e. “I don’t want to be seen or perceived as sick, weak, needy”
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Numbing Behaviour that attempts to dull the pain that comes from feeling inadequate or “less than” O Examples: food,
shopping, Netflix, sex, work, gossip, alcohol, drugs, exercise, etc.
O Cannot selectively numb – when we numb the dark, we numb the light
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Foreboding Joy A method to minimize vulnerability – “this is too good to be true” O Disconnect from joy by
catastrophizing and controlling to avoid feeling pain, hurt, disappointment, etc.
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Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness
Separate your identify from your illness O “I am large. I contain multitudes” Walt Whitman O We are more than our PV/PF O “I have an illness” versus “I am an illness” Lean into the discomfort of vulnerability O Feel the hard feelings by naming and validating
the emotion (no matter what it is) O Notice thoughts and physical sensations
associated with the emotion (without judgement) O Breathe through the discomfort
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Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness
Practice self-compassion O Being kind to ourselves when we are suffering O Treating and speaking with ourselves like we
would someone we love and care about Use permission slips O “I give myself permission to … “ O Helps us be realistic and set healthy expectations O Gets in touch with who we are (i.e. our strengths,
challenges, and needs)
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Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness
Engage in activities and hobbies that promote comfort O Think about the intention behind you choice O “What does my soul need right now?”
Create and use a mantra that resonates with you O Words of comfort, hope, optimism, love that you
can repeat to yourself when life feels like too much O i.e. “Every day and in every day, I am getting better
and better”
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Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness
Have a daily gratitude practice O “I’m feeling vulnerable and I’m so grateful for …” O Builds resilience and cultivates hope
Integrate creativity into your daily routine O Includes writing, drawing, cooking, dancing,
sculpting, singing, knitting, etc. O When we create, we make meaning, practice our
authenticity, and connect more deeply with others
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Staying Courageous with a Chronic Illness
Connect with others with chronic illness O Your journey is yours alone, AND you need others
for support, guidance, encouragement, inspiration, and healing
O We need to know we are not alone
Ask those you trust for what you need O Includes friends, family, health professionals O Independence is an illusion; we need others to
stay well O You are worth getting your needs met
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Daring Way™ Workshop We all want to be
daring. This workshop helps
build shame resilience and a courage practice to show up, be seen, and live
brave
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Rising Strong Workshop If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. This workshop is about what it takes to get back up and write a brave new ending
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THANK YOU!!! Let’s stay connected! J 416-992-3028 [email protected] www.ivanamitchell.com