Living with a Chronic Illness: Courage in the Face of Vulnerability

Ivana Mitchell, MSW, RSW, RP, CDWF September 16, 2017

About  Me  O Diagnosed with PV in 2016 O Registered Social Worker and

Registered Psychotherapist O Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator O Retired professional dancer and

passionate knitter/crocheter O Super excited to be here! J

Adapted  from  Brené  Brown’s  The  Daring  Way™  Workshop  

Dr. Brené Brown O Fellow social worker and research

professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work

O Spent the past fifteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame

O Has three #1 NY Times Bestseller Books O 2010 TED Talk “Power of Vulnerability”

rated one of the top five TED talks of all time

Vulnerability  +  Chronic  Illness  

O As a person with PV/PF or a caregiver to a loved one with PV/PF, a time I experienced vulnerability was …

O Vulnerability feels like …

Courage  is  ...    Vulnerability

is… -  Uncertainty -  Risk -  Emotional Exposure

Essential for

Connection

Invitation to practice our courage

Exposing  Vulnerability  Myths  Myth Vulnerability is weakness I can opt out of vulnerability Vulnerability is oversharing I can go it alone

Truth Most accurate measure of courage To be alive is to be in vulnerability 24/7

Sharing with intention to connect (time, trust, boundaries, intimacy)

We are hard wired for connection and need help from others

Vulnerability  and  Chronic  Illness  

Having a chronic illness… O Imposes unwanted vulnerability into our lives.. It is

not something we chose for ourselves O Launches us into lifelong health uncertainty that

shows up pre-diagnosis, during treatment, and throughout remission

O Can be experienced as traumatic. Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There’s a reclaiming that has to happen

Common  ways  we  armour  up  against  

vulnerability  

Perfectionism  A self-destructive and addictive belief that says: “If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgement, and blame” O Focus is on controlling

perception – “what will people think?”

O i.e. “I don’t want to be seen or perceived as sick, weak, needy”

Numbing  Behaviour that attempts to dull the pain that comes from feeling inadequate or “less than” O Examples: food,

shopping, Netflix, sex, work, gossip, alcohol, drugs, exercise, etc.

O Cannot selectively numb – when we numb the dark, we numb the light

Foreboding  Joy  A method to minimize vulnerability – “this is too good to be true” O Disconnect from joy by

catastrophizing and controlling to avoid feeling pain, hurt, disappointment, etc.

Staying  Courageous  with  a  Chronic  Illness  

Separate your identify from your illness O “I am large. I contain multitudes” Walt Whitman O We are more than our PV/PF O “I have an illness” versus “I am an illness” Lean into the discomfort of vulnerability O Feel the hard feelings by naming and validating

the emotion (no matter what it is) O Notice thoughts and physical sensations

associated with the emotion (without judgement) O Breathe through the discomfort

Staying  Courageous  with  a  Chronic  Illness  

Practice self-compassion O Being kind to ourselves when we are suffering O Treating and speaking with ourselves like we

would someone we love and care about Use permission slips O “I give myself permission to … “ O Helps us be realistic and set healthy expectations O Gets in touch with who we are (i.e. our strengths,

challenges, and needs)

Staying  Courageous  with  a  Chronic  Illness  

Engage in activities and hobbies that promote comfort O Think about the intention behind you choice O “What does my soul need right now?”

Create and use a mantra that resonates with you O Words of comfort, hope, optimism, love that you

can repeat to yourself when life feels like too much O i.e. “Every day and in every day, I am getting better

and better”

Staying  Courageous  with  a  Chronic  Illness  

Have a daily gratitude practice O “I’m feeling vulnerable and I’m so grateful for …” O Builds resilience and cultivates hope

Integrate creativity into your daily routine O Includes writing, drawing, cooking, dancing,

sculpting, singing, knitting, etc. O When we create, we make meaning, practice our

authenticity, and connect more deeply with others

Staying  Courageous  with  a  Chronic  Illness  

Connect with others with chronic illness O Your journey is yours alone, AND you need others

for support, guidance, encouragement, inspiration, and healing

O We need to know we are not alone

Ask those you trust for what you need O Includes friends, family, health professionals O Independence is an illusion; we need others to

stay well O You are worth getting your needs met

Daring  Way™  Workshop  We all want to be

daring. This workshop helps

build shame resilience and a courage practice to show up, be seen, and live

brave

Rising  Strong  Workshop  If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. This workshop is about what it takes to get back up and write a brave new ending

THANK  YOU!!!   Let’s stay connected! J 416-992-3028 ivana@ivanamitchell.com www.ivanamitchell.com