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Types of LossMedical emergency, interventionsEmotional trauma to
mother/parentsUnknown illness in baby, NICU
careInfant death (stillborn, neonatal
death)Maternal death
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The Doula’s Role
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An Exquisite Witness Offer yourselfBe respectfulBecome comfortable with silenceBe a skilled listenerNormalize practically everythingAvoid judgmentHelp them become “active” grieversBe sensitive to cultural, ethnic, and family traditionsBe aware of your “stuff”Respond to signs of compassion fatigue
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Immediate Needs Long Term NeedsCommunication with
othersPhysical comfortInformation for decision-
makingCreating memories of
babySaving mementosPhotosReligious practices
At-home supportCoordinating helpFrequent check-
insLots of listeningMental Health
resourcesSupport groups
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The Gift of Time
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Help the Family GrieveENCOURAGE THEM TO: see and touch their baby make and save mementos from their baby’s
birthannounce the birth of their babyshare their story – write it, speak itcreate a grieving ‘ritual’
Create a safe space for them to share their feelings
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What to Expect PostpartumPhysical – after pains, lochia,
engorgement, normal recovery from pregnancy and birth
Emotional – postpartum hormones, various stages of grief, higher risk for depression
Relationship issues – guilt, blame, caring for other children, can’t care for each other
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What Not to DoDon’t make false promisesDon’t tell them what they are going to feelDon’t tell them their baby is in a better placeDon’t tell them it is God’s willDon’t tell them it will get betterDon’t tell them they can have another babyDon’t pretend it didn’t happen
Don’t expect everyone’s grief to look the same
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Self Care for the Doula
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ResourcesChar Barrett
asacredmoment .com
Gigi Wickwire mwickwire37@frontier .com
Penny Simkin pennysimkin.com
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Appendix
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The Doula’s RoleMeet them where they are atAssess their needsAssist them in getting informationProvide emotional and physical
support
Is it OK for the doula to cry?
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Self-Care for the DoulaDebrief with a doula sister or
mentor
Contact grief support groups
You may need to use a backup doula for an imminent birth
Rest, body work, journaling, counseling
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Acknowledge their LossPerhaps:The loss of the physical babyThe loss of hopes and dreamsThe loss of a joyful experience
Do not ignore or diminish their experience of loss
Do not forget that they are now/still parents