Types of LossMedical emergency, interventionsEmotional trauma to

mother/parentsUnknown illness in baby, NICU

careInfant death (stillborn, neonatal

death)Maternal death

The Doula’s Role

An Exquisite Witness Offer yourselfBe respectfulBecome comfortable with silenceBe a skilled listenerNormalize practically everythingAvoid judgmentHelp them become “active” grieversBe sensitive to cultural, ethnic, and family traditionsBe aware of your “stuff”Respond to signs of compassion fatigue

Immediate Needs Long Term NeedsCommunication with

othersPhysical comfortInformation for decision-

makingCreating memories of

babySaving mementosPhotosReligious practices

At-home supportCoordinating helpFrequent check-

insLots of listeningMental Health

resourcesSupport groups

The Gift of Time

Help the Family GrieveENCOURAGE THEM TO: see and touch their baby make and save mementos from their baby’s

birthannounce the birth of their babyshare their story – write it, speak itcreate a grieving ‘ritual’

Create a safe space for them to share their feelings

What to Expect PostpartumPhysical – after pains, lochia,

engorgement, normal recovery from pregnancy and birth

Emotional – postpartum hormones, various stages of grief, higher risk for depression

Relationship issues – guilt, blame, caring for other children, can’t care for each other

What Not to DoDon’t make false promisesDon’t tell them what they are going to feelDon’t tell them their baby is in a better placeDon’t tell them it is God’s willDon’t tell them it will get betterDon’t tell them they can have another babyDon’t pretend it didn’t happen

Don’t expect everyone’s grief to look the same

Self Care for the Doula

ResourcesChar Barrett

asacredmoment .com

Gigi Wickwire mwickwire37@frontier .com

Penny Simkin pennysimkin.com

Appendix

The Doula’s RoleMeet them where they are atAssess their needsAssist them in getting informationProvide emotional and physical

support

Is it OK for the doula to cry?

Self-Care for the DoulaDebrief with a doula sister or

mentor

Contact grief support groups

You may need to use a backup doula for an imminent birth

Rest, body work, journaling, counseling

Acknowledge their LossPerhaps:The loss of the physical babyThe loss of hopes and dreamsThe loss of a joyful experience

Do not ignore or diminish their experience of loss

Do not forget that they are now/still parents