Understanding Understanding Intercultural Intercultural Communication Communication Second Second EditionEdition
Chapter 10
What are the Challenges in Developing an Intercultural-Intimate Relationship?
Stella Ting-Toomey & Leeva C. Chung
OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
PowerPoint Slides Designed by Alex Flecky and Noorie Baig
TODAY’S MENUTODAY’S MENU
I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Challenges
II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Facilitating Factors
III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling Blocks
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children
V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-Ables
Individualistic Orientation
I-identity relationship expectations
Couple’s privacy, autonomy
Voluntary, personal commitment
Low-context emotional expressions
“Fall in love,” passionate love
Collectivistic Orientation
We-identity, ingroup relationship pressures
Ingroup’s (we) connection, concerns
Structural commitment, family and social reactions
High-context emotional expressions
Value companionate (friendship, loyalty) love
I. Developing Intercultural-I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Intimate Relationships: Invisible ChallengesChallenges
A. Cultural-Ethnic Membership Values
Media Activity: YouTube Videos
The Meaning of Love 7 Billion Others
Church Bans Interracial Couple
I. Developing Intercultural-I. Developing Intercultural-Intimate Relationships: Invisible Intimate Relationships: Invisible ChallengesChallengesDiscussion Questions:Intercultural-intimate relationships: Have you experienced a relationship of this
type? What were some positive things that you
gained from it? What were some negative things that occurred?
What was most surprising to you about the different love expectations?
Have you experienced the “me–we” dialectical forces in any of your relationships? What happened and how did you feel?
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsA. Perceived Physical Attractiveness
Physical attractiveness critical to initial attraction; cultural differences regarding what is attractive. • For example, U.S. individuals attracted to: high
energy, enthusiasm.; Korean individuals attracted to: high integrity, concern for others.
B. Perceived Similarity• Similarity–attraction hypothesis: cognitive
consistency • Intergroup–interpersonal attraction: attitudinal
issues
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsC. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure
Comparisons• Self-disclosure: intentional process of
revealing exclusive information about ourselves to others that other individuals do not know.
• Social penetration theory: interpersonal information progresses from superficial nonintimate to more deep-layered intimate self-disclosure.• Shrek explains the onion metaphor of social
penetration theory.
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsC. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure
Comparisons: Discussion
Check out similarities and differences….• Where did you learn your self-disclosure
tendency?• Do you come from a high-disclosive family or a
low-disclosive family?• What topics do you consider as quite “Public”?• What topics do you consider as quite “Private”?
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating Factors
C. Cross-Cultural Self-disclosure Comparisons: Johari Window:
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsMedia Activity: Fools Rush In film clip
Discussion:• Can you relate to this clip? • How do the cultural value dimensions impact
the development of your particular intimate relationship?
• How did Alex and Isabel handle the dialectical tensions of autonomy and connectedness?
• How did they differ in terms of disclosing to their parents about Isabel’s pregnancy?
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsD. Online Disclosure of Affection
Do you stay in touch with your Facebook friends by “liking” their posts, photos, or statuses?
E. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and Mobile Dating
Five phases of online dating:1. Attention2. Recognition3. Interaction4. Face-to-face meeting5. Resolution
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsE. Third-Party Matchmakers: Online and Mobile Dating• Have you tried match.com or
eharmony.com? How about pof.com (plenty of fish.com )?
Take a look at this Indian matrimonial site:• Did you notice that his parents created this
posting? How would you react if your parents did something like this out of concern for you?
• What do you think of his complexion, caste, parents info, diet, and annual income?!
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsF. Intercultural/Interracial Romantic Relationship Development
Interracial couples’ four stages of “racial” awareness and awakening:
• Racial awareness• Coping• Identity emergence • Relationship maintenance
II. Intercultural-Intimate II. Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Attraction: Relationship Attraction: Facilitating FactorsFacilitating FactorsSome Intercultural-Intimate Relationship Research
• Generation is predictor of interethnic relationships.
• Individuals with assimilated, bicultural, or marginal identities have greater tendency to date outgroup members.
• The “Romeo and Juliet” effect: The more the families are against
relationship, the more the couple wants to rebel against parents, thus finding each other more attractive.
III. Intercultural-Intimate III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling BlocksStumbling BlocksA. The Encounter: Prejudice and Racism
Intercultural-intimate conflict: Antagonistic friction or
disagreement between two romantic partners caused, in part, by cultural or ethnic group membership differences. Have you observed prejudice or racism toward interracial couples? What occurred?
III. Intercultural-Intimate III. Intercultural-Intimate Conflict: Obstacles and Conflict: Obstacles and Stumbling BlocksStumbling BlocksB. Countering Racism and
Prejudice: Coping Strategies:
1. Ignoring or dismissing2. Normalizing3. Withdrawing4. Educating5. Confrontation6. Prayer7. Humor
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural ChildrenChildrenA. Bicultural Identity Struggles:
Four identity forms of bicultural children:
1. Majority-group identifiers2. Minority-group identifiers3. Synthesizers4. Dissaffiliates
• Work out identity plan early – communicate with your partner (e.g., religious faith, language,
customs).• Listen to your children’s identity experiences.• Provide cultural enrichment opportunities.• Be truthful about prejudice & racism issues.• Nurture & support different identity facets.• Provide safety net & maturation challenges. Realize
that children will grow up & choose their own identity path….
• Together: DRAW an ideal dream house….
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural Children: Children: Some suggestions: Some suggestions:
IV. Raising Secure Bicultural IV. Raising Secure Bicultural ChildrenChildren
B. Cultivating a Secure Multifaceted Identity
To help bicultural individuals:
• Know values and beliefs of each group.• Positive attitude toward both groups.• Confidence that one can live effectively
within both groups without compromising one’s individual identity.
• Be grounded.
In managing diverse intimate relationship issues, here are some helpful do-ables:
• Pay attention to culture-based challenges.• Be mindful that individualists and
collectivists may hold different expectations.
• Be sensitive to your partner’s family reaction issues.
• Be flexible in learning your partner’s communication styles.
V. Intercultural Reality Check: V. Intercultural Reality Check: Do-AblesDo-Ables
Parting Thoughts…Parting Thoughts…
Living on borders and in margins, keeping intact one’s shifting and multiple
identity and integrity,
is like trying to swim in a new element, an “alien” element.
~ Gloria Anzaldua