elaboration of the evidence
TRANSCRIPT
District Writing Assessment FocusElaboration of the Evidence
“Our Weak Point, Our Achilles Heel”
The StandardEffective use of a variety of
elaborative techniques• Effective use of a variety of elaborative
techniques
• Use of evidence from sources is smoothly integrated, comprehensive, relevant and concrete
Student Writing
The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.
The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells, which gives you cancer.
Cancer is a disease that can kill you. Generally people will avoid places that have dangers that can cause certain death.
Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.
Elaborating
Linking it back to the claim
Cancer is a disease that can
certain death.
kill you. Generally peoplewill avoid places that have dangers that can cause
Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to not travel to Mars.